Tag: love

Question: “My Wife DOESN’T Say I LOVE YOU Back”

If your wife doesn’t say she loves you back there are a couple of things that are happening there.

But first of all, let’s go back to the beginning.

Let’s go back to the root when you guys got together for the first time.

When you started dating did she used to say, “I love you”?

If she used to say I love you and something just happened and then she stopped,

…then we need to address those things that happened.

If you can recall something has happened, I don’t believe you.

You need to dig a little deeper.

Something happened and then she stopped.

First of all, if she used to say I love you but somehow she doesn’t say I love you anymore back to you,

…we need to sort out the issues that happened.

Whatever makes a woman get to a space where she doesn’t feel like saying I love you back,

…it must be really bad.

It takes a lot for a woman to get into that space where she doesn’t say I love you back.

Basically, what’s going on is that she doesn’t feel safe.

She doesn’t feel safe professing the love like that to you any much longer.

So here’s the thing, if she never said that, and then suddenly you just wanna experience a woman saying that back to you,

I would say you have a big thing in front of you that you need to do.

First of all, you need to express that and say, “Hey, how come you never say I love you back?”.

You need to know the answer to that question.

So that’s first of all, communication.

That’s straight up just communication 101 and find out why she doesn’t say that.

She may say “that’s just not what we’re doing in our family”,

…and then you expressed like “I would appreciate that, you know from my family, that’s a big part of our culture. Just say that back to me babe, what’s the big deal” right?

Don’t be too serious, say it in front and love because remember the person that doesn’t say I love you, either they said it before or they’ve never said it before,

…they just don’t feel safe professing that kind of grand gesture to you.

The worst thing you wanna do is to make them feel even worse or make them feel more unsafe.

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You’ve got to make them feel safer, Right?

So it’s a simple conversation in love, in fun, don’t worry too much about it, just express it and say, “Hey babe, you never say I love you back to me” and just shut up.

Just wait and see what they say.

Now if you know some things have gone down, you did some things or she said you did some things and she doesn’t feel safe any longer.

Some kind of crisis happened in your marriage.

She doesn’t say I love you back to you, then the real issues to fix that issue, whatever happened.

And that’s going to take time because it takes time to break down and, by the way, take shorter time to destroy.

It’s gonna take you a little bit longer to build back up.

So focus on the things you need to build because when someone says “I love you” to you, it’s a symptom of how they feel inside.

It’s not the main thing, it’s just how they feel because of everything else that’s right.

If things are wrong, don’t try to force a person to say I love you back, not especially if you’re going to be being defensive or say it in a way that you’re insecure or anything like that.

You want to make sure that you actually never ask a woman to say I love you back to you because if you have to ask them,

…to say I love you back to you, there’s a good chance that they just don’t love you, and it’s just gonna get worse.

It’s gonna turn them off even much more.

So what I will say is that focus on doing things that a woman will receive from you and make them feel like “I love you”.

Focus on finding out what those things are for your wife and focus on that and be stubborn about it.

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Now, it’s easier said than done but it gets easier if you’re spiritually strong, if you’re mentally strong,

…If you are engaged with your personal purpose in life and then also if you are actively in self development.

So self sustainability of mentally, self health, self help, self love.

If you have those things, confidence will naturally show out and that’s attractive and those are the things that make a woman say “I love you”.

Now ultimately, if she doesn’t feel safe because of things you’ve done, she will feel safe again but not if you keep reminding her that she doesn’t say I love you back to you.

You need to focus on the things you need to do and be patient, because patience, by itself is very attractive.

When a woman knows that you give them patience, like you’re not overreacting because “I love you”.

If he doesn’t feel like saying I love you right now, that’s just right now.

Maybe tomorrow, that’s just right now still.

Only now is all that exists, don’t worry about everything else.

If she’s doing everything else, it is only a matter of time, just do your part and be a husband and say “I love you”.

Then if she doesn’t say “I love you”, don’t get attached to the outcome because the outcome will come when you earn it.

So again, if somebody’s saying I love you back to you, it’s somebody who feels safe,

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…if they don’t feel safe for whatever reason, they’re not going to say right now and you get to decide as a human being if that’s a deal breaker for you.

Being decisive as a human being, that’s also attractive so you may say that’s a deal breaker, “if you can’t say I love you back to me, what are we doing” that’s attractive.

If you are decisive don’t just say that I sit out there in the relationship.

But if you know that this is the person you love and you want to give them that kind of patience, then that’s a decision.

Stick with that decision and focus on yourself.

Focus on your personal purpose, focus on yourself and make sure you have a strong spiritual background,

…because you’re gonna need that in the form of patience.

That’s what I have for you on this episode.

The key thing is, don’t worry too much about it.

Focus on building the relationship and everything else shall come to you.

Rough Transcript Below.

First of all, you need to identify,

Do an inventory and write down everything that happened, because you don’t just get here overnight.

Unless you’re deceiving yourself, it didn’t just happen overnight.

She was complaining about a few things even though those things may not be true, it doesn’t matter if it’s true.

It doesn’t matter if it’s right and wrong, but she was complaining about some things before you got to where you got to.

And if you don’t know what those things are, maybe you should have a conversation just to find out what those things are.

Just to listen, not to justify yourself because if you are going to make her fall in love with you again, you’re gonna already justify yourself.

You’re gonna feel justified already.

You don’t need her to validate you, you don’t need to seek approval from her before you feel justified,

…you don’t need any of that.

If you’re gonna attract her back to you, if you’re gonna make her fall in love with you again,

…you need to be confident about your abilities to do exactly that.

How do you become confident?

You don’t become confident by saying “I’m confident”, you show it with your actions.

She gets to judge if you’re confident or not because if you just have confidence, that you are enough.

That you don’t need approval, that you don’t need validation without using your words.

If you just have that and she gets to see that and she gets to be the judge of that, that’s automatic.

That’s basically the equivalence of her fall in love with you again because she will wonder how to help that happen.

But I was saying, basically, you need to outline everything she complained about, that’s number one.

You need to outline everything that you feel like you may have done wrong.

That you feel like you may have been better at, maybe not wrong or right, but better at.

Maybe it’s your conduct, maybe it’s the way you handle yourself,

…maybe is how you show up as a husband, maybe it is because you may have been narcissistic.

You may have shown some insecurities as a man.

A lot of men have insecurities and the way they show that the way it manifests can turn off a woman.

So whatever it is, it may not be insecurity, it may not be any of these psychological things.

It may be literally physical things, maybe you drink a lot or you smoke a lot.

There are things she’s been complaining about.

Maybe about your family, she doesn’t feel like you guys are going in the positive direction when it comes to your financial situation.

Whatever it is that she is complaining about, you need to outline all those things.

PREVIOUS POST: “Does My Wife MISS ME During SEPARATION?”

You need to write down, take the time to do that.

Now let’s focus on emotion because 90% of what happened, is probably emotional.

There’s a way you have been showing up.

If you apologize too much, stop apologizing,

…If you never apologize, it may be time to tender an apology.

Your apology does not necessarily have to be about something in particular.

It could be simply “I apologize for the part I played in the breakdown of our relationship”.

She may think that’s manipulative, if she thinks that’s manipulative there’s a good chance that you’ve apologized too much in the past.

But if she’s hearing an apology for the first time from you ever, she’s going to value that.

That doesn’t mean she’s gonna just fall in love immediately with you.

Time has to play a role in this, patience has to play a role on this.

I mean patience to the point that you will almost give up.

So in other words, you need to have Infinite Patience.

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How do you have infinite patience?

Well, you have to have a purpose driven life, things that kind of take your time,

…take your mind away from the situation with your marriage and your relationship authentically.

If you’re just pretending to take your mind off of it, it won’t work.

You need a purpose driven life, you need to find a purpose.

That’s your personal purpose in life, that’s bigger than your wife and yourself,

…something bigger than life.

That thing must be time and energy consuming enough to take you away and then you have to deliberately say, “you know what, let me check on my wife. Let me see how she’s doing” and simply just checking on her.

Especially if you’ve never done that in the past.

If you’ve done that way too much, you need to back off.

See whatever you’ve always done, do the opposite especially the emotional things so that she can start to wonder what is going on with you.

Are you growing or are you moving in a different direction?

The keyword is “wonder”.

She needs to wonder about you, if he doesn’t wonder about you or what you’re up to, that’s basically the opposite of attraction.

She cannot fall in love with something that she’s already familiar with especially if she considers it negative.

So if I’m gonna leave you one thing in this video,

Outline, do an inventory of everything especially the emotional stuff that you’ve always done, and flip it.

When you flip it you will create a newness, you will create a spark.

You will create something exciting and brand new, and she will start to wonder,

…and then you need to add time and patience onto that and in addition to that, your personal purpose, you cannot pretend to be patient.

If you try to pretend to be patient it will backfire and the next time you have an episode, It’s gonna make things worse.

And then she will move further away from you, especially emotionally.

So, how to make your wife fall in love with you again after separation?

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

She needs something new and exciting and you’re capable of doing it because it’s probably attached to your personal growth, too.

So with that being said, make sure you download the book “Get My Marriage Back”.

You need to read it 10 to 15 times so that you can put our story behind, you can relate, you can see all the lessons in it and you can see the lessons of attraction.

The attachment that you may be exercising, you may have been showing some level of unhealthy attachment in your relationship,

…and you’ll be able to identify that because of the stories that we tell in the book.

10 to 15 times, you need to read it because you need to be able to teach it in your dream in order to answer your question,

How to make your wife fall in love with you again after separation?

But that’s the tip right there, do the opposite of everything you’ve done.

And I’m not talking about the right and wrong stuff, that has nothing to do with the breakdown of your marriage.

It’s purely emotional, and you can do it.

Hopefully you have been enlightened and educated.

I’ll see you on the next one and peace.

Question: “Does My Wife MISS ME During SEPARATION?”

It depends, but let me give you the different nuances.

Separation in my opinion, it’s always a good thing.

If you find yourself in a place or at least one person finding himself in a place where they’re asking for separation, that’s actually a good thing.

I know it’s in a twisted weird way, it’s a good thing because what is the worst or what is the alternative?

The alternative is that you’ll live in a toxic marriage.

Yes, you may not see it coming, especially as men.

Usually if your wife asks you for separation, you don’t see it coming because we tend to be oblivious to the reality of what’s going on emotionally in the relationship.

We tend to become complacent.

Most people become complacent in the relationship period, not just men,

…but men, a lot of us don’t see it when it’s coming.

It’s usually extremely shocking, I mean it’s a terrible thing to hear that your wife wants separation,

…especially if she wants divorce, that she wants to separate from you.

That’s a painful and terrible thing to experience.

We, my wife and I went through something like that.

Some people suggest trial separation, some people suggest separation in the same house, which is kind of weird.

We did, we went through separation in the same house, but it wasn’t intentional.

I felt like if it’s intentional, if we kind of decided we wanted to do that, that would be weird and probably wouldn’t work.

But we kind of became roommates during our 9th year in marriage.

We’re just roommates, basically.

We did that obviously because of our kids and their many reasons why people do things like that,

…But separation is what we’re talking about.

Does my wife miss me during separation?

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The straightforward answer to that is, Yes they will,

…but it also depends on the extent of the damage that your marriage and relationship, especially your relationship with your wife.

It depends on the extent of the damages that you may have created knowingly, mostly unknowingly.

Most people don’t just be in the marriage and say, “Hey, I wanna damage the relationship”.

Most people are just being people right, good people.

Good people who are oblivious, they think they are the greatest person in the world, they think they came from a great family.

They think they have been perfect, it’s just always the other person’s fault.

Most people on both sides feel that same way, but that’s the thing with emotions.

That’s the thing with relationships, it’s not about right and wrong.

It’s not about who knows how to do it the best.

For the most part it’s about emotional intelligence.

So now let’s stick to the emotions.

Let’s stick to the psychology of a relationship.

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Will a person who used to spend a lot of time with you, miss you during separation?

Yes, of course.

…But it also depends on how toxic that relationship was.

If they separated from you, meaning they go to the other side, they go to the greener,

…you know how they say, “the grass is not always greener on the other side”.

That’s not always true.

Sometimes that relationship was so toxic, that the grass was actually greener on the other side.

For the most part, No the grass is not greener on the other side.

Every relationship you get into will have its own issues and will be completely new and will create a shock,

That’s why I said separation for the most part, 99% of the time is not a bad thing.

It’s like “distance makes the heart go fonder”, that’s a saying.

That’s a cliche, which is true that distance makes the heart fonder, so you want to allow it.

If somebody is asking for separation, they’re asking for space and time, that’s exactly what you wanna give them.

You know why?

Because they will miss you.

Especially if you are emotionally centered yourself that you’re in that space that is actually okay with you, for them to take that time.

Sometimes it’s not just full blown separation from your marriage.

Sometimes they’re just asking for a trip with their girlfriends.

Yeah, that may be shocking to you from where you came from, your family, your culture,

…it may be completely a taboo that a wife would ask for time to go spend with friends in Cancun.

Somewhere it may be crazy to your head because of your background, but that very same thing could be detrimental to your marriage and relationship.

You wanna basically love in the way that the other person feels free.

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So the real question is that, will my wife miss me during separation?

Yes.

Does your wife miss you right now during separation?

You are asking meaning you are already in separation and you’re asking if your wife misses you.

Yes, but here’s the kicker, you wanna be patient.

You don’t want to say “hey, because she missed me, let me pick up the phone and start calling them right now”.

Wrong move.

If she checked out and she asked for separation, you wanna wait for proper signs.

I did another video on the signs that your wife is ready to reconcile during separation.

So you wanna make sure you wait for the signs.

You wanna make sure that the around you wanna make sure that is natural.

Because again, love has to feel natural.

Even though you’re deliberately, you have to get to a place, eventually your marriage,

…where you’re deliberately loving somebody, you learn the actual act of loving a person.

You want to make sure it still feels like a feeling, because that’s attraction, right?

If it feels forced, it’s gonna backfire, it’s gonna work completely against you.

Question: “How Do You Tell If Your Wife STILL LOVES YOU After SEPARATION?”

There are a couple of things that I wanted to mention here.

First of all, you don’t try to tell, it’s not worth it.

Here’s why,

I know you want your wife back or your family back and wanna make things work again,

…but we’re talking about emotional and psychological factors that play a big role in this situation.

If you don’t show that anyone else wants you or if you don’t show that you have options, there’s a good chance that your wife doesn’t want you back.

At least not yet.

So, How do you tell if your wife still loves you after separation?

You wait until she tells you.

That’s number one.

When she tells you that “I still love you”, believe her.

Even at that, you don’t want to just jump at it and like “I’m excited. She still loves me.”

You don’t wanna do that because that will backfire but if she hasn’t told you there’s a good chance that she’s not in love with you.

By the way, if your wife was ever your wife and she ever told you she loves you, she probably still loves you,

…But that’s a completely different thing from, she’s still in love with you.

Does she feel like she’s in love with you right now?

There’s a good chance that she’s not.

It depends on how particular you are about that.

You don’t wanna make that a big deal, if you make it a big deal that becomes a big deal.

If she’s not in love with you right now, she’s just not in love with you right now.

It’s temporary.

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Depending on your level of patience and if you’ve been working on yourself, that is what’s going to determine if she will ever come back to you,

…or if she will ever say to you that she loves you.

See, a woman will not tell you she loves you if she doesn’t feel like she’s in love with you.

Love and Being in Love with you are two different things.

Loving a person is the action thing that you do.

There are multiple different meanings of love but for the purpose of the scope of this video,

…we’re talking about being in love with you, or she loves you.

She can tell you should love you and not be in love with you.

That really doesn’t do you any good.

The real question you’re trying to get answered is that,

…is she in a place where she can come back to you, if she can come back home or if you can go back home, because you’re in the midst of a separation.

I would say you’re worried about the wrong things.

So first of all, wait for her to tell you.

There are a lot of things that will happen before she actually gets to tell you that she loves you again.

Which means she feels like she’s in love with you.

A lot of things that have to align depending on the damages that your marriage has encountered over time.

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How far is the damage?

We don’t know, I don’t know unless I actually coach you personally and I talked to you.

So I don’t know the extent of the damages but either way, it doesn’t matter.

You’re gonna have to have what I call infinite patience.

You have to have patience.

That’s extremely difficult when you don’t have a personal purpose and mission in life that basically preoccupies your time,

… that you don’t really have time to be wondering if she still loves you or not.

So if you’re wondering if she still loves you or not, there’s a good chance that she’s not attracted to you right now.

There’s a good chance that you have too much time in your hands and you’re busy wondering if she still loves you.

You need to find a way to deliberately create attraction between you and your wife in a way that she’s the one that starts to wonder about you.

If she starts to wonder about you, that’s directly equivalent to still in love with you, wanting to get back with you, wanting to move back home or asking you to come back home.

Basically saying, “I love you. I want us to work on it now”.

Now, how patients can you possibly be in order to wait for that to happen?

If you don’t feel like you can be that patient, that’s exactly why she doesn’t love you right now.

Basically, you don’t respect yourself.

You don’t have self respect, you don’t have self love, you don’t have a healthy level of pride about self love.

To the extent where, I’m not telling you to be arrogant.

That’s not what I’m telling you.

I’m just trying to tell you that she doesn’t want you if you don’t come off as confident about yourself.

She will probably not want you, she’s not the only one that won’t want you.

Everybody else would not want you if they feel like you’re lacking confidence because there’s something that all of us are attracted to.

Even us men as far as being attracted to a woman, we love a confident woman.

You love a confident woman.

She also loves a confident man.

So how can you showcase confidence?

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How can you showcase confidence that “well, she’s gonna come back to you. She belongs with you”

See that attitude?

It’s not an attitude as negative or arrogant or nasty or narcissistic in any way.

It’s an attitude of confidence that you know that God has the best for you and any time you see her,

…I just showcase that by still being loving.

I’m not saying you love her, but being loving, friendly and giving her the freedom to decide when she wants to come back to you.

That’s how you tell if your wife still loves you.

How do you tell if your wife still loves you after separation?

Wait for her.

The real question is that, “how can I tell if you still love yourself?”

I can’t tell that you still love yourself.

You may love yourself but I can’t tell you still love yourself enough for her to love you,

…because you are still asking this question, How do you tell if your wife still loves you after separation?

How about getting the attitude of,

“she loves you anyway, I know she loves me anyway but I’m gonna wait for her to tell me, and I’m gonna move on until then. I’m gonna live my life,a blissful, happy, fruitful, purposeful, mission driven life”

…Because that’s exactly what’s gonna attract that.

That’s all I have for you on this video.

Hopefully you’ve been enlightened and educated.

Go to LolaAndOla.com and go get your hands on the book ”Get My Marriage Back”.

You need to read the book 10 to 15 times.

If you cherry pick around videos, it won’t work.

You need to learn the skills of attracting a woman even if she is separated from you,

…by the way, it’s easier if he’s separated from you but you have to learn the skill set.

That’s all I have, see you on the next one, peace.