“Chris, I apologize to you. My behavior was unacceptable and I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk.”
So superstar $35 million Hollywood actor Will Smith finally apologized to Chris Rock on the Oscar slap and as to be expected, the whole online community is dragging him again.
On March 27th, 2022 at the 2022 Oscars, Chris Rock cracked a joke around Jada Pinkett-Smith’s bald head comparing her to Demi Moore’s character in the movie G.I. Jane.
Then her husband,Will Smith, laughed and in a split second, walked up to the stage and slapped the shit out of Chris Rock.
We all thought it was a joke. We all thought it was staged. We all thought it was acting. But it was real
From the beginning, I have made it clear that there are only 3 things that Will Smith has done wrong publicly and I’m sorry…
It’s not marrying Jada Pinkett-Smith It is…
1. Supporting the terrible idea of bringing her personal family issues to the red table talk and to the public.
2. Assaulting a fellow man for “disrespect” in front of the public; 17.7 million to be precise according to the New York Post.
3. Overdose on that “woke” lifestyle over-shalaye mansplaining nonsense.
The public is wrong about everything as usual including every attempt to involve Jada Pinkett-Smith in the Oscar slap which clearly did not involve her.
I know you all want to bring in Tupac, her daughter’s 7 years old letter to Tupac, AUG, the Jada vs Will social media banter video… lames… but nah. That’s weak.
I can’t front. Involving and blaming her for her husband’s mistakes seems to make videos go super viral. But over here, we are not going to do that. That’s weak and toxic.
We will do it the right way by helping me hit that like button, sharing and commenting your personal opinions about this apology below this video.
As a thanks for doing that, here is a picture of Jada crying.
I have to keep applauding Chris Rock on his conduct throughout the whole ordeal.
In fact, he addressed it for the first time only a few days earlier on stage saying… “Anyone who says “words hurt” has never been punched in the face”.
Anyway, Will Smith released the apology video on Friday, July 29th, 2022 and I think it’s an opportunity for us to review and extract some lessons around effective apology.
I have extracted 5 tips from the 5 minutes and 44 seconds apology. So let’s get to it.
Tip Number 5 – Take Your Time
So the slap happened on March 27th, 2022 and the apology came out on July 29th, 2022 which is about 4 months later. I think that’s more than enough time for proper introspection.
One thing that’s wrong about most apologies is the fact that they are often reflex action designed to push issues under the rug as fast as possible; it’s avoidance at best.
At this point, it’s obvious that Will Smith is not trying to run from his mistake. Kudos for that.
Tip Number 4 – Make it Short & Sweet (If it has to be public.)
If the offense happened publicly, the apology should also be public in addition to a private discussion.
So I can appreciate this public apology except for the fact that it wasn’t a written statement. Will Smith seems to be overthinking everything and then making it worse subsequently.
At this point, the public rhetoric is actively trying to tear his marriage apart due to over-exposure. It’s sad to watch… people would rather listen to and over pedestalize divorcees than those trying to make it work. It is what it is,
Anyway, anything more than a well crafted PR statement can potentially destroy his private life. It’s just not necessary and it’s aligning too much with approval and validation seeking behavior.
“Speaking from the heart” for a large superstar like Will Smith is overrated and not necessary.
Before you know it, you will be referencing yourself way too much and that can make your apology come off as disingenuous.
So statements such as “disappointing people is my central trauma” is not necessary as it starts to sound like it’s about what he wants.
“It hurts me psychologically and emotionally to know I didn’t live up to people’s image and impression of me.” This is that “woke” lifestyle over-shalaye mansplaining nonsense.
Apologizing to these people in the public and everything he said after that are definitely major problems.
More than enough of these weirdos on the internet are rooting and waiting for the entertainment of Jada and Will divorce.
In fact, there was a rumor like that and it almost set social media on fire.
Tip Number 3 – Don’t Manipulate for Forgiveness
“Chris, I apologize to you. My behavior was unacceptable and I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk.”
I think that part was clean especially with the addition of… and I quote.
“I want to apologize to Chris’s mother.”
Too many people offer apology only because they are looking for an instant exchange for forgiveness. That would make it a terrible apology instantly.
Now it’s actually one thing to explicitly and expressly ask for forgiveness in words, but I think it’s worse when your actions reflect it and especially contradicts your words.
So if you say “I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk”, then you need to say less than necessary and let the chips fall where they may.
Just trust that a few words and time is more than enough for adequate healing.
Especially as men, we need to know that nothing is guaranteed in life even if you are a good person.
When I hear a lot of men talk about this issue, all I hear is unrealistic expectations of a good woman just for being a good Mr-Nice Guy.
That’s weak. Life doesn’t always work like that.
So when Will Smith said “This is probably irreparable.” It was perfect.
Ladies and gentlemen… “no guarantees” attitude puts you at advantage of making the most out of what’s left of your life and simultaneously increasing the chances of an apology being accepted dramatically.
Tip Number 2 – Ensure Reception
While I appreciate Will Smith’s apology to his wife (fuck what everyone else thinks),
“I made a choice on my own, from my own experiences, from my history with Chris. Jada had nothing to do with it. I’m sorry babe.”
I think there was too much stress on apologies to the general public.
The public is not receptive to it. From all the public rhetoric and opinions I am seeing, it seems divorcing Jada will be more entertaining at this point. They are hungry for blood.
From my assessment, the public is ready to forgive Will Smith as soon as he forgives himself and gets back to what he does best; and that is not the red table talk.
Ensuring reception of an apology is part of the reason why you should take your time which was the first tip I shared with you in this countdown.
Tip Number 1 – Differentiate Remorse & Shame
Contrary to popular conservative opinion, shame is absolutely destructive; so is self guilt.
Nothing authentic, wholesome and productive comes from anyone suffering from shame either from self or external force.
He said… and I quote “I am deeply remorseful and I’m typing to be remorseful without being ashamed of myself.” “I’m trying not to think of myself as a piece of shit.”
I can appreciate him truly believing that statement but it’s absolutely not necessary to say that out loud. Saying it out loud almost defeats the purpose.
So many people confuse remorse with shame.
Remorse is regret and maybe purposeful guilt while shame is just baseless guilt… maybe based on being overly concerned with optics.
Misguided shame, insult, guilt, judgment, blame, condemnation are all destructive.
Ultimately, this is all semantics. What I am suggesting is to make sure you are not creating a new problem with your solution.
You can call it whatever you want as long as the apology doesn’t create further negative outcomes for yourself.
“If you hang on, I promise we’ll be able to be friends again.”
The stages of divorce grief are similar to the stages of grief that occur when someone dies.
The stages are shock and disbelief, pain and sorrow, anger and resentment, bargaining and guilt, and acceptance and hope. The order in which the stages occur may vary from person to person.
Some people may skip some of the stages or move through them more quickly than others.
It is important to allow yourself to grieve the loss of your marriage and not try to rush through the process.
1. Shock and disbelief: This is often the first stage after learning that your divorce is final. You may feel numb, have difficulty processing what has happened, and experience many other emotions, including sadness, anger, fear, and relief.
2. Pain and sorrow: As the reality of your divorce sets in, you will likely experience deep feelings of loss and grief.
You may find yourself crying often, feeling depressed, and struggling to cope with the changes in your life.
3. Anger and resentment: It is common to feel a range of negative emotions during this stage, including anger, bitterness, resentment, and frustration. You may lash out at your former spouse, friends, and family members.
4. Bargaining and guilt: During this stage, you may find yourself trying to negotiate with your former spouse or hoping for a reconciliation. You may also feel guilty about the divorce and blame yourself for the situation.
5. Acceptance and hope: In this final stage, you accept that the divorce is final and begin to move on with your life.
You may still feel sad and miss your former spouse, but you are able to start rebuilding your life. You may also feel hopeful about the future and find new meaning in your life.
Tips on Coping with Separation and Divorce
1. Recognize That Your Marriage Is Over: This can be difficult to accept, but it is an important step in the grieving process. Once you come to terms with the fact that your marriage is over, you can begin to move on.
2. Be Patient — Grief Takes Time: The stages of grief do not always happen in a linear fashion. You may move back and forth between stages or even skip some altogether.
3. Surround Yourself With People Who Support You — And Let Them Help: It can be helpful to talk to friends and family members who have gone through a divorce. They can offer guidance and support.
4. Practice Excellent Self-Care: During this difficult time, it is important to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. Make sure to eat healthy foods, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly.
5. Feel Your Feelings: It is normal to feel a range of emotions after your divorce. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your marriage.
6. Find Out What’s There Besides Anger, Sadness, And Fear: As you move through the grieving process, you may find that you have new insights about yourself and your life. Allow yourself to explore these new perspectives.
7. Timebox Your Grief: Set aside specific times each day to grieve the loss of your marriage. This can help you to avoid becoming overwhelmed by your emotions.
8. Don’t Hide Your Divorce Grief From Your Kids (But Don’t Freak Them Out, Either)
It is important, to be honest with your children about your divorce. However, you should avoid sharing too much information or putting them in the middle of the situation.
9. Write It Out, Work It Out, Or Just plain Talk It Out: Journaling, therapy, and talking to friends and family members can all be helpful ways to cope with your divorce.
10. Stop Blaming Your Ex and Start Forgiving Them (and Yourself) One of the most important things you can do for yourself is to let go of any resentment and blame you may feel. This can be difficult, but it is an essential part of healing.
11. Remember: You Will Still Be a Part of Your Kid’s Life Even After Divorce Although your family may be changing, you will still be an important part of your children’s lives. Try to maintain a positive relationship with your former spouse for the sake of your kids.
12. Consider Professional Help Many people find it helpful to seek out professional help during the divorce process. A therapist can provide support and guidance as you navigate this difficult time.
If you are facing divorce, it is important to understand the grieving process. By recognizing the stages of grief, you can better prepare yourself for the journey ahead.
Remember, every divorce is unique and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. If you find yourself struggling, don’t hesitate to seek out professional help. With time and patience, you will eventually reach the acceptance and hope stage.
Don’t Suppress Your Feelings While Grieving
Everyone is different and everyone can experience each one of these stages very differently. Allowing yourself the freedom to grieve during a divorce doesn’t make you weak. In fact, it can actually make you stronger. If you try to bottle up your emotions, they may eventually come out in destructive ways. It’s okay to cry, be angry, and feel sad. These are all normal reactions to loss.
Divorce is a process, not an event. Just as there is no one right way to grieve the death of a loved one, there is no one right way to grieve the loss of a marriage. Allow yourself the time and space to experience all the emotions that come with this major life change. Seek out support from friends and family members, or consider professional help if you need it. With time and patience, you will eventually reach the acceptance and hope stage.
Coping With the Hard Feelings
Coping with grief during a divorce is exceedingly difficult. Feeling all the emotions mentioned in each stage during the process of divorce is common and necessary for moving forward. It is important to surround yourself with people that love you and support you to help you through this painful time. If you are feeling lost, consider professional counseling to help you regain a sense of self and hope for the future.
In this article, we will discuss how to fix a broken relationship even if it’s within a marriage.
May be you feel like all hope is lost… relax…. read this first.
Why Do Relationships Break Or Fail?
There are many reasons why relationships fall apart.
It could be that you and your partner have grown apart over time and now have different interests, goals, and values.
It could be that you’re unable to resolve conflict in a healthy way, or that one or both of you tend to withdraw or shut down when things get tough.
It could be that you have different ideas about how to handle finances, child-rearing, or other important life decisions.
Whatever the reason is, if you find yourself in a failing or broken relationship, it’s important to be intentional with your actions or lack there of.
Otherwise, the situation is likely to only get worse.
The simple truth is that we are humans.
And relationships between complicated humans are even MORE complicated.
#1. Trust Has Left The Building
The cement of your relationship is Trust. without it, your relationship will fail.
Trust issues are very common.
Trust issues usually start in our childhood.
We learn them in our families.
And then we bring them into our relationships.
When we stop trusting ourselves, we stopped trusting others.
And when we stop trusting others, we stop trusting ourselves.
Trust is a two-way street.
Some of the bad things that happen when you lose trust are:
And a whole lot more.
The first thing you need to do is to figure out whether your trust issues are because your partner is not trust-able
…OR these are anxiety and insecurity issues inside of you.
Then you have to work on getting reconnected to your partner.
I’ll tell you more about how to do that in a bit.
#2. Your Communication Sucks
This is another one of those very common reasons relationships start to fall apart.
If you’re not communicating well, then you’re not going to be able to meet each other’s needs.
You’re always going to have misunderstandings and a deep breakdown of connection.
Communication is one of the most important factors in a relationship because it’s how you navigate with your partner
If your communication isn’t in sync and compatible, you will definitely have problems.
And eventually, you will turn to a therapist or counselor to help you with them.
But chances are it will be too late.
Make sure you’re always working on your communication.
Not just with your romantic partner, but with everyone in your life.
#3. You are on different maps/timetables
Sometimes it just happens that we are on different time schedules, or in different places in our life.
The timing is just wrong.
It can be hard to see this when you want a relationship to work.
But sometimes the situation is out of your control and you just need to walk away.
And sometimes you meet in the same place but you’re going at different speeds.
So you fall out of step with each other.
He might be going slower, and you might be moving faster towards your relationship goals.
You have to decide for yourself if you’re willing and patient enough to go at your partner’s speed.
Sometimes this means you have different priorities at the moment.
You may want to start a family, but he wants to start a business.
This will be something you must navigate and negotiate along the way if you want it to work.
#4. You’re just not a match
Very frequently, I see couples that get together and start a relationship.
But they didn’t ever stop to really make sure the other person was right for them.
One or both of them was just desperate to get into a relationship as fast as they could.
So they threw their needs out the window and ignored how wrong this person was for them.
They might have been seeking relief from anxiety, or from loneliness. But for whatever reason, they didn’t choose well.
If each person in a relationship is completely healthy, then they could probably start a relationship with almost anybody.
But compatibility is a huge issue if you are not in a whole and healthy place with your own self-esteem and self-worth.
One of the biggest love myths out there is that love conquers everything.
The good news is, that there are relationship advice that you can execute to repair the damage.
#1. Talk about what’s going on
The first step is to talk about what’s wrong.
You need to express your feelings and needs in a way that is respectful and non-blaming.
If you can’t do that, I recommends seeing a therapist or counselor who can help you learn how to communicate effectively.
#2. Make time for each other
One of the biggest reasons relationships fail is because couples don’t make time for each other.
Life gets busy and before you know it, you’re living parallel lives under the same roof.
You need to make time for each other—time to talk, time to connect.
#3. Be willing to compromise
In any relationship, there are going to be times when you have to compromise.
You might not always get your way, but that’s OK.
The important thing is that you’re both willing to give a little.
#4. Learn to forgive
If you want your relationship to thrive, you need to learn to forgive.
We all make mistakes—we’re only human.
The key is to not hold onto the anger and resentment.
If you can learn to let go, it will do wonders for your relationship.
#5. Don’t take each other for granted
One of the easiest ways to kill a relationship is to take your partner for granted.
We all need to feel valued and appreciated.
If you stop doing the things that made your partner fall in love with you in the first place, don’t be surprised if they start to look elsewhere.
#6. Keep the romance alive
Another common mistake couples make is letting the romance die.
It’s important to keep the spark alive.
Do the things you used to do when you were first dating—go on dates, have fun together, show each other how much you care.
#7. Work as a team
In any relationship, it’s important to remember that you’re on the same team.
You’re in this together, so you need to work together to make it work.
That means being supportive, understanding, and helpful—even when you don’t feel like it.
#8. Don’t try to change each other
One of the biggest mistakes couples make is trying to change each other all in the name of duty and responsibility forgetting that it is a romantic relationship at the end of the day.
You need to accept each other—flaws and all.
If you can learn to love and accept each other just as you are, it will do wonders for your relationship.
#9. Communicate, communicate, communicate
If there’s one piece of advice that experts agree on, it’s that communication is key to a successful relationship… to put more accurately… EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION.
You need to be able to talk to each other—about everything.
The more you communicate, the closer you’ll become .
#10. Develop Listening Skills
It is impossible to avoid arguments in any relationship.
And in those moments, it is equally impossible to prevent different perspectives of understanding right and wrong and ways of solving problems.
In such circumstances, there is no limit on what is required to be said and heard by both parties, which is necessary.
Because sometimes, or most of the time, the conversation becomes so fierce that the very limit of speaking is violated.
Due to a lack of listening ability, you take some such steps in anger which directly damages the relationship.
#11. Accepting the Circumstances and Your Partner
Circumstances can never be right and wrong in relationships.
Didn’t you see people coming together in bad times?
Haven’t you noticed people make or break in bad times?
If you look at history, you will find hundreds of examples where people came together in worse conditions, whether WWI or WWII.
Whether it’s raising a voice against racism or sexism.
People always came together to face the storm and grow out of them.
It is all up to our belief whether we can adapt to the circumstances or not.
We should always learn from bad times and always make good use of good times.
That’s the key to getting along with your partner.
#12. The Initiative Is Crucial to Overcome Relationship Struggles
Whether your relationship is on the verge of breaking or you are going through many troubles, if you want to stay with your partner and feel that everything will be right after a while, then the initiative you take to repair your relationship is always proven effective.
After a big fight, if you take the initiative and make your partner feel that they are more important than your needs, then believe that your initiative is commendable enough to strengthen your relationship.
The initiative will always be needed to keep the relationship successful and constantly fresh; a good initiative always brings closeness.
#13. Apologize To Restore the Relationship
One of the hallmarks of a bad relationship is that both sides see apologizing as their weakness, due to which they feel hesitant to apologize even if they want.
According to the study, ‘The Psychology of offering an Apology by Karina Schumann it’s proposed that the reasons why people hesitate to offer an apology or high-quality apologies are,
Low concern for the victim or relationship,
The perceived threat to self-image,
And perceived apology ineffectiveness.
But, if you want to fix your relationship, you must rise above these barriers.
Because if you don’t, what you do is end the 1% scope of repairing a broken relationship.
To cherish any relationship, it is as essential to apologize as to give forgiveness; it is precisely the same as washing and drying cloth.
Here, both water and sunlight make the cloth wearable.
Similarly, both apologizing and offering forgiveness make the relationship believable.
But be sure to be clear on why you are apologizing and ensure you’ve taken enough time to assess what went wrong; be intentional.
#14. Understand Your Moral, Social, and Personal Circle
Even though your relationship is going through a bad phase – facing trust issues, anxiety, separation, etc., if you are fulfilling your moral responsibility towards your partner, you are trying to take your relationship in the right direction.
Here you have a sense of moral obligation and personal or social commitments.
You know how to fulfill all these responsibilities well, then understand that you have almost saved your relationship from being ruined.
Because responsibilities always give strength, courage, and the ability to understand right and wrong.
And if you have all this in you, you will not let anything go wrong.
#15. Be Sure to Give Opportunities to Build Trust to Improve the Relationship
Trust issues in a relationship can never blossom a tree of love.
Therefore, in a broken relationship, it is necessary to create such opportunities to build trust between both parties, which can instill a sense of confidence in both parties towards each other.
And it’s not that it takes a lot of effort to build trust, it’s just small things that ensure that you have unwavering faith in your partner.
For example, if you have life insurance and your partner is a nominee in it, or they are your partner in any of your big projects, or you take your partner’s advice for small household needs.
Now it comes to how do you determine the opportunities to build trust?
Well to build trust you need combined forces of different human fundamental aspects.
You cannot build trust all alone.
And the aspects are,
Without these, it’s impossible to trust or build it in any given situation.
Let’s discuss each in detail.
#16. Loyalty Is Essential to Keep Yourself Away From a Damaged Relationship
You have to be loyal to your partner to mend a deteriorating relationship because you must understand that hurting feelings will prove fatal for any relationship.
If you are lying to your partner or have a relationship with someone else, then understand that you are not paying attention to your partner’s needs
You don’t care if your infidelity can lead to your partner getting depressed and how bad the outcome will be.
If you are not loyal to your partner, then understand that you do not respect your relationship at all.
And where there is no respect, there’s no love.
And where there’s no love, there’s no relationship.
It has been destroyed.
Also, if you’re not loyal, you cannot expect your partner to be loyal.
Once you cross your line, they might probably cross as well.
And thus, you’ve both entered the phase of a broken relationship.
#17. Controlling and Managing Your Expectations
If the ambition and expectations start exceeding the limit in any relationship, whether the relationship of friendship, husband-wife, or business, then understand that the seeds of condemnation, neglect, and hatred have been planted in that relationship.
It is essential to regulate and control the expectations to live in harmony because the human mind always craves to get something new and thrilled.
And this craving starts to take away that person from his/her loved ones.
The person begins to remain irritable… resentment
He starts to force his people to satisfy his craving which further gives birth to instability in the relationship.
When his expectations don’t get fulfilled, he starts to blame his people.
Both the parties in the relationship should set their expectations according to their partner’s economic, social, and family situation.
This situation can be better controlled by mutual coordination.
#18. Do Not Take Any Wrong Decisions Under Stress or Anger
When the relationship starts deteriorating, it is natural for the person associated with that relationship to go into depression.
But can that person improve his relationship by making some wrong decisions due to depression?
You should answer this.
What’s your mind saying?
What’s your first reaction?
I believe it’s NO.
By taking a bad decision, you are harming yourself and the people you love.
Instead of fixing your relationship with one wrong decision, you are on the contrary worsening it even more.
In a deteriorating relationship, the person makes some bad decisions, such as drinking or getting intoxicated, abusing the partner, harming them, trying to hurt himself, not showing respect to the people in the relationship, adopting bad habits, etc.
Due to even more wrong decisions, a person tends to end the relationship forever.
And from there, it becomes tough to improve the relationship.
Therefore, make every noble effort to fix your relationship with thoughtfulness so that your relationship becomes stronger… be intentional.
#19. Seek professional help
If you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to be working, it may be time to seek professional help.
A professional can help you learn how to communicate effectively, resolve conflict, and deal with other issues that may be affecting your relationship.
While it’s not always easy, repairing the damage in a relationship is possible—if you’re willing to put in the work.
With patience, understanding, and a little effort, you and your partner can get back on track and build a stronger, more intimate connection.
What makes a healthy relationship?
Every relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons.
Part of what defines a healthy relationship is sharing a common goal for exactly what you want the relationship to be and where you want it to go.
And that’s something you’ll only know by talking deeply and honestly with your partner.
However, there are also some characteristics that most healthy relationships have in common.
Knowing these basic principles can help keep your relationship meaningful, fulfilling, and exciting whatever goals you’re working towards or challenges you’re facing together.
A. You maintain a meaningful emotional connection with each other.
You each make the other feel loved and emotionally fulfilled.
There’s a difference between being loved and feeling loved.
When you feel loved, it makes you feel accepted and valued by your partner, like someone truly gets you.
Some relationships get stuck in peaceful coexistence, but without the partners truly relating to each other emotionally.
While the union may seem stable on the surface, a lack of ongoing involvement and emotional connection serves only to add distance between two people.
B. You’re not afraid of (respectful) disagreement.
Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree.
The key to a strong relationship, though, is not to be fearful of conflict.
You need to feel safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation, or insisting on being right.
C. You keep outside relationships and interests alive.
Despite the claims of romantic fiction or movies, no one person can meet all of your needs.
In fact, expecting too much from your partner can put unhealthy pressure on a relationship.
To stimulate and enrich your romantic relationship, it’s important to sustain your own identity outside of the relationship, preserve connections with family and friends, and maintain your hobbies and interests.
D. You communicate openly and honestly.
Good and effective communication is a key part of any relationship.
When both people know what they want from the relationship and feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears, and desires,
…it can increase trust and strengthen the bond between you.
Good, healthy relationships will sometimes be challenging.
But it’s all worth it.
You and your partner put yourselves through the challenge for the good things that come from a relationship.
Remember that this is always the case, even during the best phases of a relationship.
The challenge is further amplified during or after a separation.
Our faulty ideas of love, alone, won’t keep a relationship functioning.
It needs care and attention to allow both partners to grow and develop throughout its course.
A relationship can’t stay like it is during the first stages, skillful partnership will be required to make things work.
A healthy relationship will only happen if both people are prepared to work at the outcome, making sure all of the key elements work.
The most difficult challenges can be overcome with two people working together, for the mutual good.
If you have been going through difficult times, it can be hard to get a perspective on things.
It’s possible to do this with logical, sensible thinking.
Remember that the person you love has not disappeared, no matter what the circumstances.
You must reconnect with that person, allowing them to reconnect to you, in order to build or rebuild a solid, healthy relationship.
What causes a relationship to be broken?
The main reasons why relationships fail are loss of trust, poor communication, lack of respect, a difference in priorities, and little intimacy.
What are signs your relationship is over?
A common trajectory for the end of a relationship is the slow tapering-off; a protracted period of tell-tale signs and wilful denial, as motivation to patch things up dwindles in one or both partners. A sudden, sharp break can feel more shocking, but it’s also clearer.
What is a toxic relationship?
A toxic relationship is one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked. On a basic level, any relationship that makes you feel worse rather than better can become toxic over time.
1. The average age for marriage in the United States is 27 years old
2. The same sex marriage has also risen rapidly in recent years
3. First marriage: Nearly half end in divorce within five years.
4. Marriage rates have been steadily declining since the 1970s.
5. Marriage Trends In The Direction of the Community Decline
6. Divorce rate is higher among couples with children compared to those without children.
7. Crude Divorce Rate Increased From 14% to 18% Between 2000 and 2015.
8. Divorce rates are also higher when both partners work full-time
9. Women are more likely to seek a divorce than men
Let’s dive into the details of what some of these statistics represent.
1. The average age for marriage in the United States is 27 years old
More unmarried couples are living together than married couples. Marriages are more likely to end in divorce now than they were 50 years ago.
A new way of looking at marriage has emerged – that it’s not about finding the one, but rather being happy with oneself first and then finding someone else who can make you even happier
Unfortunately, marriage is no longer an institution that people feel pressure to enter into – instead, some people see it as a personal choice or even a practical decision if they want to have children
2. The same sex marriage has also risen rapidly in recent years
However, this brings about many new challenges for same-sex couples.
Same-sex divorce, for example, does not necessarily mean that the same laws apply to them as they do to other couples.
These are just some of the reasons why same-sex marriage statistics can be puzzling and challenging at times.
It may take a long time before all states recognize same-sex marriages conducted in another state.
3. First marriage: Nearly half end in divorce within five years.
I believe this might be due to the fact that first marriages take place at a time when people are still young and inexperienced.
They also tend to not have all their priorities sorted out, and they’re more vulnerable to societal pressures.
Plus, first marriages seem like an unsuccessful venture from the start because there’s such a high chance the marriage will end in divorce within five years.
First-time couples also lack emotional stability and insight about each other – which can lead to conflicts and arguments even before children come into the equation.
Couples who have been married before should be more experienced and better equipped to handle marriage.
But you will also find out that the divorce rate increases for every marriage individuals incrementally gets into.
4. Marriage Rate Has Been Steadily Declining Since the 1970s.
In the United States alone, there were 8.1 marriages per 1000 people in 2014.
This is a slight decrease from 2013’s statistics of 8.2 marriages per 1000 people.
Although this might seem like a small decrease, it does show that the rates are declining.
The national average for marriage rates in both 2012 and 2013 was at 7 marriages per 1000 people; national average in the US.
In 2010, the marriage rate was slightly higher at 7.3 marriages per 1000 people.
The lowest marriage rates were seen in 2007 with 6 marriages per 1000 people nationally across the US.
The CDC believed that the slowing national marriage rate can be explained by a number of factors including an increase in adults living together without marrying as well as an increased acceptance of other lifestyles such as single motherhood, living with an unmarried partner and same-sex marriage.
The average-age for people to get married has risen over the past few years which could also help explain this decrease in marriages (CDC, 2015).
As of 2014, men typically got married at 29.0 years old while women tended to get married at 27.0 years old (CDC, 2015).
The reasons for marriage in 2014 were: love and companionship (63%), followed by making a lifelong commitment (62%) and having children (53%).
In 2013 the reason to get married was different with 46% getting married because of love and 47% saying that they wanted to make a lifelong commitment (CDC, 2014).
According to the CDC statistics, there are currently more marriages ending in divorce than those that end because of death.
There were an estimated 12.0 divorces per 1000 people compared with 11.0 deaths per 1000 people in 2014 (CDC, 2015).
This statistic has remained relatively stable in recent years and in 2010, there were 11.0 divorces per 1000 people and in 2012 there were 12.0 (CDC, 2015).
In the US, the marriage rate also varies by state.
The marriage rates by state present the percentage of people who are married.
The highest percentage of people who are married can be found in Utah at 72%.
The lowest percentage of people who are married can be found in Oregon at 44%.
This is an indication of certain beliefs about marriage.
5. Marriage Trends In The Direction of the Community Decline
Humans are social creatures.
So, marriage is more than just a personal commitment – it has an impact on the marriage rate for society as a whole.
Many countries are feeling the decline of the marriage rate, but there are some bright spots too.
The marriage rate across Europe has dropped by more than two percentage points in just ten years, according to Eurostat.
The regions that have seen the sharpest declines in marriage rates include Latvia with a 10% drop and Lithuania with 12%.
Italy’s marriage rate plummeted 18% in 2000 to 11.4% now based on total population data from Istat.
These marriage rate statistics paint a bleak picture for many of Europe’s economies.
What is causing this?
Many factors are at play, but they can be linked to an increasing number of people choosing not to get married.
The marriage rate has dropped by more than 20% in the United States since 2000 while cohabitation rates have increased substantially over that same time frame.
Other developed nations like Canada and Australia also saw marriage rates decline between 2009-2010 based on data from Statistics Canada & the Australian Bureau of Statistics respectively.
But there are some exceptions where marriage isn’t on the decline – Russia had notable growth in marriages with almost 30,000 additional weddings taking place throughout 2016 alone.
Certainly, people live together without getting married or having children so who cares?
Well, children do need both parents – they need their mothers and fathers together as a family.
When marriage rates drop, so do birth rates – marriage is even more relevant in terms of fertility as 70 percent of women who have ever married are currently using contraception to prevent births within their marriage.
The decline in marriage could also be linked with the increase in teen pregnancy and single-parent households too since it can lead to financial strain on families which often results from lack of parental support.
So where does this leave our communities?
There will always be those that choose not to get married or cohabitate, but we should care about the impact these trends may have because they affect us all.
Married couples purchase homes together at much higher rates than unmarried couples according to Freddie Mac data while children living with both parents perform better in general.
6. Divorce rate is higher among couples with children compared to those without children
The National Center for Health Statistics recently released data showing that the divorce rate is higher among couples with children compared to those without children.
The research shows that 27 percent of all recently divorced men have at least one child, and 69 percent are co-parenting their children with an ex-spouse or other parent.
The age of men who are divorced in recent times is 44.
In the past, divorce rates were higher among younger couples but now typically occur later in life when children are involved and homes have been built together.
7. Crude Divorce Rate Increased From 14% to 18% Between 2000 and 2015.
This rate is the number of divorces per year, taking into account the crude population.
If you’re not sure what crude means, it’s referring to the population that’s not adjusted for demographics like marital status and age at marriage.
To calculate the rate, simply take the number of divorces in a country divided by the crude population multiplied by 1000.
The rate has increased over time but is still much lower than in the 1970s.
In 2015 it was 18%, whereas in 2000 it was 14%. The rate varies greatly between countries – from less than 0.05 divorces per 1000 to more than 50 divorces per 1000 people every year.
These rates are not only affected by how many marriages there are, but also by marital laws and gender equality within each country.
For example, Scandinavian countries have a very high rate due to their culture being so accepting of couples choosing to get divorced when they no longer find marriage fulfilling for both partners or if one spouse wants to move on with someone else without having an affair.
At a rate of 40.43, the country with the highest rate is Malta.
The lowest rates are in Chile and Puerto Rico at 0.30 divorces per 1000 people every year, which makes sense considering their catholic cultures where marriage is very important to them because it’s seen as a sacrament rather than just a legal contract or social obligation like other countries around the world see it.
Catholicism doesn’t recognize divorce even when there has been an annulment from church officials due to many reasons such as not following proper formality for marrying – one example would be if someone got married via proxy without ever meeting each face-to-face.
In addition to stressing the importance of marriage, Catholicism also advises against having a divorce unless there’s been adultery or abandonment from one partner.
Otherwise, it is discouraged by the church and seen as being immoral because you’re going against God once married even if things become terrible in your relationship.
Even though the rate has increased over time, they are still much lower than decades ago due to many reasons including fewer people getting married before age 30 – which has caused couples to wait until that age when they know for sure whether or not this person will be their spouse forever unlike younger years where feelings can easily change with just a few months passing by.
In 2015 only 23% were under 25 compared to 50% back in 1970, and in 2000 only 12% were under 25.
This is why these rates are much lower than in the 70s because it takes longer to get married now and we’re waiting until we know for sure whether or not this person will be our spouse forever, which makes sense considering how complicated modern relationships can become with so many options available such as online dating sites where there’s always someone new to meet every day after work or during lunch breaks at work if you have a computer handy without having to go out of your way.
In addition, the rate worldwide has increased from 11 per 1000 people back in 1990 compared to 18 per 1000 people today
meaning that more divorces happen each year but fewer marriages overall since the crude population increased over time.
8. Divorce rates are also higher when both partners work full-time.
Though there are many business opportunities and promotions, it takes a toll on family life.
A lot of disagreements arise with couples who both work full-time and this has led to more divorces and separations.
Divorce rates have been higher in the past 20 years as women now tend to be financially independent of their husbands or partners
compared to before when they were almost never able to do so without support from men.
This is because nowadays working mothers can actually afford child care
which allows them to go back into employment after having children.
However, this mode of living isn’t suitable for everybody.
This is why it’s important to note that the number of divorces has generally increased in countries where both parents go out to work.
There are rights for working mothers who have children under 16,
but these vary depending on which country you look at.
For example, in Australia, there are legal obligations regarding paternity leave and time off for fathers when they become a parent too.
However, this varies from state to state within Australia.
In New Zealand, women can take up to 18 weeks of maternity leave while receiving pay based on their average weekly earnings or statutory payments
if they’re not eligible for parental payments by Work and Income New Zealand (WINZ).
Fathers can also get two weeks of paid leave after birth with an additional two weeks unpaid.
The United Kingdom allows mums to take up to 52 weeks of maternity leave
which can be shared between both parents if they choose so.
Additionally, mothers are allowed one day off per week for antenatal care under the National Health Service (NHS)
and this is also applicable in Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland too.
This means that there’s a legal obligation on employers to allow you time off work during your pregnancy
or after giving birth as long as it doesn’t cause problems with their business operations.
These rights have led families towards having more children since couples feel like they now have better support from companies
when they start raising kids together at home thanks to modern-day benefits offered.
This is also why divorce rates have increased in the past 20 years.
Even though it’s not useful to generalize about these issues, there isn’t any doubt that more women are choosing to become working mothers
than ever before and this has led to some challenges when trying to balance work with family life.
However, despite all of this information being available today, many couples still prefer having smaller families
since it allows them both to be able to focus on careers rather than bringing up children alone or spending time with kids while taking care of business at the same time too.
Divorce rates are higher even among those who do not work full-time as well as those where only one partner works outside the home.
For example, in the United States, only 20% of married women with children under 18
…who work full-time are likely to get divorced compared to 35% among those with higher education levels.
Statistically, divorce rates have increased across most countries around the world including Canada and Australia
where they’re now at their highest point since the 1970s when it comes to couples having kids together.
The decrease in marriage is also evident as people prefer cohabitation over tying the knot legally nowadays
due to ease of access for modern dating platforms like Tinder or eHarmony too.
Overall, no doubt working mothers face more challenges today than ever before
which has led to an increase in divorces even if both parents don’t work outside of their home.
9. Women are more likely to seek a divorce than men.
That being said, 62 percent of divorces were initiated by women while only 38% were instigated by men.
Also, women tend to file for divorce at younger ages than men.
While the average age is 32 years old for a man who files, it’s 28 years old for a woman.