💔 Marriage Statistics: 9 Facts & What They Mean

In this lesson, you will discover how marriage statistics at the moment is quite crazy and puzzling, to say the least.

One marriage statistic that is not so puzzling but still interesting to look at is the average marriage rate by age in the United States.

It has been steadily increasing since 1970 and currently sits at 29 years old for women and 30 years old for men, with a breakdown by age shown below.

-Average marriage age: 29 (women) | 30 (men)

Marriage Rates Breakdown by Age:

18 – 24: 2%

25 – 34: 8%

35 – 44: 12%

45+: 36%.

You can apply the same numbers to societies around the world that are actively being influenced by American and hip-hop culture.

These Are The Statistics We Will Be Learning About

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1. The average age for marriage in the United States is 27 years old 

2. The same sex marriage has also risen rapidly in recent years

3. First marriage: Nearly half end in divorce within five years.

4. Marriage rates have been steadily declining since the 1970s.

5. Marriage Trends In The Direction of the Community Decline

6. Divorce rate is higher among couples with children compared to those without children.

7. Crude Divorce Rate Increased From 14% to 18% Between 2000 and 2015.

8. Divorce rates are also higher when both partners work full-time 

9. Women are more likely to seek a divorce than men

Let’s dive into the details of what some of these statistics represent.

1. The average age for marriage in the United States is 27 years old 

More unmarried couples are living together than married couples.  Marriages are more likely to end in divorce now than they were 50 years ago.

A new way of looking at marriage has emerged – that it’s not about finding the one, but rather being happy with oneself first and then finding someone else who can make you even happier

Unfortunately, marriage is no longer an institution that people feel pressure to enter into – instead, some people see it as a personal choice or even a practical decision if they want to have children

2. The same sex marriage has also risen rapidly in recent years

However, this brings about many new challenges for same-sex couples.

Same-sex divorce, for example, does not necessarily mean that the same laws apply to them as they do to other couples.

These are just some of the reasons why same-sex marriage statistics can be puzzling and challenging at times.

It may take a long time before all states recognize same-sex marriages conducted in another state.

3. First marriage: Nearly half end in divorce within five years.

I believe this might be due to the fact that first marriages take place at a time when people are still young and inexperienced.

They also tend to not have all their priorities sorted out, and they’re more vulnerable to societal pressures.

Plus, first marriages seem like an unsuccessful venture from the start because there’s such a high chance the marriage will end in divorce within five years.

First-time couples also lack emotional stability and insight about each other – which can lead to conflicts and arguments even before children come into the equation.

Couples who have been married before should be more experienced and better equipped to handle marriage. 

But you will also find out that the divorce rate increases for every marriage individuals incrementally gets into.

4. Marriage Rate Has Been Steadily Declining Since the 1970s. 

In the United States alone, there were 8.1 marriages per 1000 people in 2014.

This is a slight decrease from 2013’s statistics of 8.2 marriages per 1000 people.

Although this might seem like a small decrease, it does show that the rates are declining.

The national average for marriage rates in both 2012 and 2013 was at 7 marriages per 1000 people; national average in the US.

In 2010, the marriage rate was slightly higher at 7.3 marriages per 1000 people.

The lowest marriage rates were seen in 2007 with 6 marriages per 1000 people nationally across the US.

The CDC believed that the slowing national marriage rate can be explained by a number of factors including an increase in adults living together without marrying as well as an increased acceptance of other lifestyles such as single motherhood, living with an unmarried partner and same-sex marriage.

The average-age for people to get married has risen over the past few years which could also help explain this decrease in marriages (CDC, 2015).

As of 2014, men typically got married at 29.0 years old while women tended to get married at 27.0 years old (CDC, 2015).

The reasons for marriage in 2014 were: love and companionship (63%), followed by making a lifelong commitment (62%) and having children (53%).

In 2013 the reason to get married was different with 46% getting married because of love and 47% saying that they wanted to make a lifelong commitment (CDC, 2014).

According to the CDC statistics, there are currently more marriages ending in divorce than those that end because of death.

There were an estimated 12.0 divorces per 1000 people compared with 11.0 deaths per 1000 people in 2014 (CDC, 2015).

This statistic has remained relatively stable in recent years and in 2010, there were 11.0 divorces per 1000 people and in 2012 there were 12.0 (CDC, 2015).

In the US, the marriage rate also varies by state.

The marriage rates by state present the percentage of people who are married.

The highest percentage of people who are married can be found in Utah at 72%.

The lowest percentage of people who are married can be found in Oregon at 44%.

This is an indication of certain beliefs about marriage.

5. Marriage Trends In The Direction of the Community Decline

Humans are social creatures.

So, marriage is more than just a personal commitment – it has an impact on the marriage rate for society as a whole.

Many countries are feeling the decline of the marriage rate, but there are some bright spots too.

The marriage rate across Europe has dropped by more than two percentage points in just ten years, according to Eurostat.

The regions that have seen the sharpest declines in marriage rates include Latvia with a 10% drop and Lithuania with 12%.

Italy’s marriage rate plummeted 18% in 2000 to 11.4% now based on total population data from Istat.

These marriage rate statistics paint a bleak picture for many of Europe’s economies.

What is causing this?

Many factors are at play, but they can be linked to an increasing number of people choosing not to get married.

The marriage rate has dropped by more than 20% in the United States since 2000 while cohabitation rates have increased substantially over that same time frame.

Other developed nations like Canada and Australia also saw marriage rates decline between 2009-2010 based on data from Statistics Canada & the Australian Bureau of Statistics respectively.

But there are some exceptions where marriage isn’t on the decline – Russia had notable growth in marriages with almost 30,000 additional weddings taking place throughout 2016 alone.

Certainly, people live together without getting married or having children so who cares?

Well, children do need both parents – they need their mothers and fathers together as a family.

When marriage rates drop, so do birth rates – marriage is even more relevant in terms of fertility as 70 percent of women who have ever married are currently using contraception to prevent births within their marriage.

The decline in marriage could also be linked with the increase in teen pregnancy and single-parent households too since it can lead to financial strain on families which often results from lack of parental support.

So where does this leave our communities?

There will always be those that choose not to get married or cohabitate, but we should care about the impact these trends may have because they affect us all.

Married couples purchase homes together at much higher rates than unmarried couples according to Freddie Mac data while children living with both parents perform better in general.

6. Divorce rate is higher among couples with children compared to those without children

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The National Center for Health Statistics recently released data showing that the divorce rate is higher among couples with children compared to those without children.

The research shows that 27 percent of all recently divorced men have at least one child, and 69 percent are co-parenting their children with an ex-spouse or other parent.

The age of men who are divorced in recent times is 44.

In the past, divorce rates were higher among younger couples but now typically occur later in life when children are involved and homes have been built together.

7. Crude Divorce Rate Increased From 14% to 18% Between 2000 and 2015.

This rate is the number of divorces per year, taking into account the crude population.

If you’re not sure what crude means, it’s referring to the population that’s not adjusted for demographics like marital status and age at marriage.

To calculate the rate, simply take the number of divorces in a country divided by the crude population multiplied by 1000.

The rate has increased over time but is still much lower than in the 1970s.

In 2015 it was 18%, whereas in 2000 it was 14%. The rate varies greatly between countries – from less than 0.05 divorces per 1000 to more than 50 divorces per 1000 people every year.

These rates are not only affected by how many marriages there are, but also by marital laws and gender equality within each country.

For example, Scandinavian countries have a very high rate due to their culture being so accepting of couples choosing to get divorced when they no longer find marriage fulfilling for both partners or if one spouse wants to move on with someone else without having an affair.

At a rate of 40.43, the country with the highest rate is Malta.

The lowest rates are in Chile and Puerto Rico at 0.30 divorces per 1000 people every year, which makes sense considering their catholic cultures where marriage is very important to them because it’s seen as a sacrament rather than just a legal contract or social obligation like other countries around the world see it.

Catholicism doesn’t recognize divorce even when there has been an annulment from church officials due to many reasons such as not following proper formality for marrying – one example would be if someone got married via proxy without ever meeting each face-to-face.

In addition to stressing the importance of marriage, Catholicism also advises against having a divorce unless there’s been adultery or abandonment from one partner.

Otherwise, it is discouraged by the church and seen as being immoral because you’re going against God once married even if things become terrible in your relationship.

Even though the rate has increased over time, they are still much lower than decades ago due to many reasons including fewer people getting married before age 30 – which has caused couples to wait until that age when they know for sure whether or not this person will be their spouse forever unlike younger years where feelings can easily change with just a few months passing by.

In 2015 only 23% were under 25 compared to 50% back in 1970, and in 2000 only 12% were under 25.

This is why these rates are much lower than in the 70s because it takes longer to get married now and we’re waiting until we know for sure whether or not this person will be our spouse forever, which makes sense considering how complicated modern relationships can become with so many options available such as online dating sites where there’s always someone new to meet every day after work or during lunch breaks at work if you have a computer handy without having to go out of your way.

In addition, the rate worldwide has increased from 11 per 1000 people back in 1990 compared to 18 per 1000 people today

meaning that more divorces happen each year but fewer marriages overall since the crude population increased over time.

8. Divorce rates are also higher when both partners work full-time.

Though there are many business opportunities and promotions, it takes a toll on family life.

A lot of disagreements arise with couples who both work full-time and this has led to more divorces and separations.

Divorce rates have been higher in the past 20 years as women now tend to be financially independent of their husbands or partners

compared to before when they were almost never able to do so without support from men.

This is because nowadays working mothers can actually afford child care

which allows them to go back into employment after having children.

However, this mode of living isn’t suitable for everybody.

This is why it’s important to note that the number of divorces has generally increased in countries where both parents go out to work.

There are rights for working mothers who have children under 16,

but these vary depending on which country you look at.

For example, in Australia, there are legal obligations regarding paternity leave and time off for fathers when they become a parent too.  

However, this varies from state to state within Australia.

In New Zealand, women can take up to 18 weeks of maternity leave while receiving pay based on their average weekly earnings or statutory payments

if they’re not eligible for parental payments by Work and Income New Zealand (WINZ).   

Fathers can also get two weeks of paid leave after birth with an additional two weeks unpaid.

The United Kingdom allows mums to take up to 52 weeks of maternity leave

which can be shared between both parents if they choose so.

Additionally, mothers are allowed one day off per week for antenatal care under the National Health Service (NHS)

and this is also applicable in Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland too.   

This means that there’s a legal obligation on employers to allow you time off work during your pregnancy

or after giving birth as long as it doesn’t cause problems with their business operations.  

These rights have led families towards having more children since couples feel like they now have better support from companies

when they start raising kids together at home thanks to modern-day benefits offered.

This is also why divorce rates have increased in the past 20 years.

Even though it’s not useful to generalize about these issues, there isn’t any doubt that more women are choosing to become working mothers

than ever before and this has led to some challenges when trying to balance work with family life.

However, despite all of this information being available today, many couples still prefer having smaller families

since it allows them both to be able to focus on careers rather than bringing up children alone or spending time with kids while taking care of business at the same time too.  

Divorce rates are higher even among those who do not work full-time as well as those where only one partner works outside the home.

For example, in the United States, only 20% of married women with children under 18

…who work full-time are likely to get divorced compared to 35% among those with higher education levels.

Statistically, divorce rates have increased across most countries around the world including Canada and Australia

where they’re now at their highest point since the 1970s when it comes to couples having kids together.

The decrease in marriage is also evident as people prefer cohabitation over tying the knot legally nowadays

due to ease of access for modern dating platforms like Tinder or eHarmony too.

Overall, no doubt working mothers face more challenges today than ever before

which has led to an increase in divorces even if both parents don’t work outside of their home.

9. Women are more likely to seek a divorce than men.

That being said, 62 percent of divorces were initiated by women while only 38% were instigated by men.

Also, women tend to file for divorce at younger ages than men.

While the average age is 32 years old for a man who files, it’s 28 years old for a woman.

How This Affects You:

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If you’re a woman getting married, it’s important to know that statistically speaking,

your marriage is more likely to end in divorce than if you were marrying a man.

As such, make sure you take time and do as much research as possible before making the big decision.

Also, keep this information in mind when deciding at what age would be best for settling down with someone.

Everyone should engage in proper counseling, coaching, and therapy; at least counseling before engaging in marriage.

The minimum you need to learn is conflict and crisis handling.

Here are some additional 7 facts:

1. One out of every two marriages ends in divorce

2. There are over 2 million divorces a year

3. In 2012, there were 112 divorces for every 100 marriages

4. The average marriage lasts about 8 years

5. Divorce rates have increased by 50% since the 1990s and are expected to continue increasing over time.

6. The number of couples getting married has decreased, while the number of divorces has increased

7. 67% of remarriages end in divorce.

Conclusion: The Hopes for the Institution of Marriage

The institution of marriage is not as strong or popular as it once was,

but that doesn’t mean we need to abandon all hope.

There are still many benefits to getting married and most people who do get married will experience a happier life than if they had remained single.

People often think their only options for finding happiness in life are either through friends or family members.

However, there can be just as much joy found within the love and commitment of a spouse.

So don’t give up on this sacred institution without first considering how you might make your own marriage work better.

Some people are more successful in marriage than others simply because they have made a greater effort to make it work.

They understand that no relationship is perfect and that there will be ups and downs

but the power of their love helps them overcome any obstacle.

While some couples might try to avoid issues, these individuals seek out problems head-on

so they can resolve them together as partners instead of avoiding each other until the problem only gets worse.

Don’t be discouraged by the incredible and puzzling marriage statistics we’ve shared here. 

We are talking about romance here.

We are talking about the state’s approved, most fundamental, and successful human relationship.

However, we can’t deny that marriage is awesome and that most people consider it to be a great reward.

Don’t forget to download your free book Get My Marriage Back at:


Also, check out the 30 minutes free coaching and discovery session that we will give you access to right after the download.

💔 How Many Marriages End In Divorce?

In this lesson, you will discover, not just how many marriages end in divorce, but how it is different for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd marriages.

I want to blame someone for divorces.  

I will also reveal some deeper insights to these lagging indicators which is a limitation to the only numbers and percentages that we know as I reveal in this lesson.

A few days ago, I was listening to a livestream on Youtube in the men’s community called the manosphere or “red pill” as they discussed the prevalent and unfortunate gender wars.

Before stumbling into this community a few months ago, I didn’t realize that there were so many men that could come off as so hateful to women.

I’ve always known about some women’s communities even as far back as when I was a child in the late 80’s to the 90’s.  

It’s mostly women who have had a certain type of experience in marriage who end up in these communities.  

I always knew that men had their own struggles.  But little did I know that some gurus had found ways to capitalize on it and build extremely toxic communities.

In the women’s communities, the rhetoric is typically “Men are Scum.”  They go back and forth with real-life stories emphasizing this belief.

What I found with the men’s community is the “logical claim” to avoid marriage altogether because of these first 5 stats, percentages, and figures.

Let’s dive right in.

Stat #5 – 70% of Divorces are Initiated By Women.

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This data is according to a study conducted by the American Sociological Association in 2015, which by the way, the number jumps to 90% for university-educated women.

So the logic for the men in the red pill community is this.  

“If there is a 70% chance that the woman I love with my life will suddenly pull the plug for no damn reason, why should I get married?”

While that question is valid, it is also flawed in many ways. 

What if we assume that there are reasons that you as a mortal being just couldn’t see?  What if the question changes to… 

“Do I have some type of control or at least influence over my wife’s experiences and choices to stay a lifetime in our marriage or not?”

Well, it is easier for certain weak people to run for the exit at any level of exposure to potential pain and it’s harder to ask questions that true leaders continue to build empires with.

There is absolutely room for true leaders who are willing to learn what it takes to make the modern woman trust, respect and submit to the authority of marriage.

It’s really this simple.  The more empowered your wife feels the less she will tolerate certain types of disregard that women endured 50 years ago.  

As a man, you cannot afford to show up halfway in your masculine core to your marriage.  

It has nothing to do with honesty, integrity, and any obvious words people tend to throw around in these conversations.  Those are bare minimums for any human being

It has everything to do with how you are able to make your particular wife feel safe, secure, and loved consistently.  Consistency is an important ingredient.

If you are a typical woman, it’s about engaging the power of the almighty feminine energy and your awareness of how you can make it work for your marriage. 

Stat #4 – 45% Of All First Marriages End In Divorce

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I find it interesting that most people don’t dwell on this number going into their first relationship or marriage.  But it becomes a thing, again, after certain types of experiences.

Also, this number is often inflated to 50% when these toxic online communities utilize these stats as talking points and you can imagine how scary that is.

Depending on your level of expectations of marriage as a bed of roses,

hearing these stats can throw you off a healthy base.

And it’s even worse when the audience has experienced heartbreak at any level.  They will naturally have their guards up.

With my experience and expertise,

I’ve found that such guards end up falling over and killing every chance of an awesome life and love for the person who puts them up.

Stat #3 – 60% Of Second Marriages End In Divorce

There are many people who end up in these toxic online communities wasting away time they could have been spending building themselves.

Eventually, they come back to being human and falling in love prematurely without healing.  So they end up creating even worse statistics than that of first marriages.

Avoiding marriage is essentially a false sense of security.  As we now know, love, connection, and contribution to others are basic human emotional needs.

Instead of avoiding it, it’s better to lean in and learn how long-lasting marriages work and what makes them work.

Running from marriage for most people is like running away from your own shadow; you will end up coming off as crazy and potentially hurting yourself along with others.

Stat #2 – 73% Of All Third Marriages End In Divorce

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As you can see, it just gets worse.  

Contrary to “know it all’s”, people don’t enjoy jumping from marriages to marriages only to destroy it all over and create even worse statistics.

It’s a void that they are trying to fill; love, connection, companionship, contribution, and significance.  

These are accomplished through relationships and more so fruitfully through long-term relationships and marriages.

Where they get it wrong is by not healing their pain properly with time, knowledge, mentorship, coaching, counseling and/or therapy.

Again, running from a marriage without proper self-reflection is like running from your own shadows.  You will start looking crazy, hurt more people and yourself.

Stat #1 – Correlation Between Economy & Divorce Rate

The United States has the 6th highest divorce rate in the world.  

Coincidentally, or is it? The United States is also the 6th greatest nation on earth presently.  

So is there a correlation between economic empowerment or not?

There is and it’s not necessarily just economic… but all types of empowerment (especially social empowerment).

For many men, this means we should discourage women from being empowered.  That may be a “logical solution” but is that a holistic solution?

Doesn’t that sound like a quick easy exit or escapism from much-required work?

Is logic not also a function of the human emotional and innate need for growth for both man and woman?  Don’t we all want some level of more freedom in our lives?

So tell me in the comment area what your thoughts are around this topic

so that we can create more videos enlightening and empowering ourselves as people in modern society.

Don’t forget to download your free book.

Get My Marriage Back at:


Also, check out the 30 minutes free coaching and discovery session that we will give you access to right after the download.

Hit the like button and check out the video on the screen for more information

…on how to rekindle and build an awesome marriage and legacy without being a simp or a pick-me.

5 Things That Will Make Your Wife Miss You During Separation 💔

In this lesson, you will discover 5 things that you can focus on to make your wife miss you during a separation in marriage.  

Sorry to hear that you may be going through this but I got you.  I want to tell you a story about James and his wife who are separated but living together.

So James was a guy who dropped us an email.  He has been separated from his wife for a while now due to multiple issues. 

Based on his confession, his wife finally had enough of him constantly putting her down and she asked for a separation with the goal of divorce. 

They have been married since 2010 and have two kids together. 

According to him, the kids are why they have decided to live together but separated for the time being.

James doesn’t want divorce but he understands that his wife is comfortable and will need to miss their romance in order to get back together; hence his question.

Believe it or not, separation may not have been a bad thing for your marriage.  

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There is a Nigerian Yoruba proverb that says

“Agbo ti o fi eyin rin lo, agbara ni o lo mu wa.”

Which in loose translation means:

“The ram that moves backwards has gone to bring more power.”

This can be true for your marriage also… especially if you lean in and pay attention to these 5 things that go over most people’s heads.

Let’s be honest.  Emotions are high during separation on at least one side of the relationship; usually on both sides.

So everything I say to you today will be easier said than done. Nonetheless, it will increase your chances of attracting healthy love.

If you are a wife who is trying to make your husband miss you during separation, these lessons are also applicable.

But with a slight difference according to the sexual polarity based on the dynamics of masculine and feminine energy in your relationship.

With that being said, let’s dive into the 5 things….

Thing #5 – Attraction


When there is a breakdown in attraction, the negative things are easier to focus on than all the numerous positive things happening, evident by the fact that there is room to complain.

This behavior subsequently creates the further deterioration of attraction in the marriage and this is why most couples in separation are in a vicious cycle.

Guess what you can start doing to rebuild attraction; the direct opposite.  Whatever you focus on expands; positive or negative.  

So one extremely seductive thing you can do now is to make a different choice; focus on all the positive things and ignore the negative things unless it is safety, security or core value related.

Thing #4 – Gratitude

This is an attitude to life.  It is still true to a large extent that you attract things into your life based on your attitude about life.

In the midst of separation, most people become very weak to the point that all they can do is swing along with things and wing things along.

They also tend to point fingers at everyone and everything else but self which is another way to disengage from self-improvement.

If your wife doesn’t get pointing-fingers from you, she will miss you because she will gradually start growing respect for you.

Thing #3 – Purpose

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Without a strong personal purpose in life, there is a good chance that you will have a lot of time in your hands for nonsensical activities.

You know what they say about the idle mind; it’s the devil’s playground right?  

If you are thinking about your separation right now, there is a chance that you are not as engaged with your personal life mission and purpose.

When you are engaged with your purpose as a man, it’s only natural for you to create a space of respect and healthy distance around you without you having to ignore her.

Your wife will miss you because she can feel the change especially if you both have good memories from the past together.

Thing #2 – Self-Love

This is simpler than most people understand.  If you don’t love yourself, others, including your estranged wife, will mimic that behavior.

It has to be absolutely clear to her that you love yourself way too much to wait around and throw your life away for her to miss being in love with you.

She doesn’t get to decide if she wants to miss you or not if you get this right.

Thing #1 – Let-Go


I understand that it is almost an oxymoron to ask you to “let go” while trying to make your wife miss you; I’m guessing… in order to rekindle romance in your marriage.

Think about it.  Your wife is running for a reason.  

From a mental standpoint, the last thing you want to do to a person who feels like running is to convince them otherwise. 

People don’t run from what they passive as pleasure or relief.  They run from pain or anything they perceive as painful at least until you change that experience for them.

So “letting go” for you may feel painful which is why you may naturally be running from the idea of letting go but that is where the work lies for you.

So tell me in the comment area which of these 5 things has proven to be the hardest for you to do and we will see about doing a video tip on making it easier for you.

Don’t forget to download your free book

Get My Marriage Back at:


Also check out the 30 minutes free coaching and discovery session that we will give you access to right after the download.

Hit the like button and check out the video on the screen for more information on how to rekindle and build an awesome marriage and legacy without being a simp or a pick-me.

Codependency In Marriage? 5 Actionable Steps💔

In this lesson, you will discover 5 actionable steps to seducing your husband towards saving your marriage and finally building real love.

Cynthia was struggling with codependency within the context of being in a marriage to a depressed man.

Her husband claims to love her, in love with her, love being around her but the marriage just doesn’t feel the same to him any longer.

She became confused and didn’t know where to start with trying to rekindle things.  In fact, she had started to resent him because he refused counseling for 18 months.

As usual, we offered Cynthia these 5 actionable steps to help her create new experiences and attract her husband to desire life and love again.

Feel free to copy and paste this into your marriage if you are going through similar issues.

1st Step To Save Your Marriage – Believe Him

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While you may feel like your husband is being disingenuous with the excuses for not feeling the same way about your marriage, you need to believe him.

Keep in mind that believing him doesn’t translate to believing that he is telling the truth.

You are simply believing that he has chosen the best way he dimmed fit to express his experience.

The actual truth will always be a function of time and your ability to take the next 4 steps in saving your marriage.

Also by believing him, you will transfer some of that anxiety you are carrying over to him as he wonders why you are not feeling a need to push back.

This is how believing him could play out.  Just say this after expressing himself.

“Okay.  What else is on your mind?”  The idea is to create a surprise element as to why you are not overreacting.  

By doing so, you would have helped create a new experience in your marriage.  You will also be able to feed your codependency in a healthy way by practicing giving.

2nd Step – Don’t Diagnose Him

These days, most women would pick up psychological books and start labeling their spouse different psychology and mental health-related terminologies.

I am talking about terms and self-diagnosis such as:

  • Narcissist
  • Controlling
  • Depression
  • Cognitive Disorder
  • Anxiety
  • Socially Awkward
  • And ETC.

This is a great mistake because it will get the husband to naturally raise his guards.

When you label your husband as such (even if you are right), you would be effectively focusing on all the negative things and you will push him further away.

Anything you focus on will expand in your marriage; positive or negative.  So it is in your best interest to avoid self-diagnosis of any type; not even self-diagnosing yourself.

If some type of psychological disorder diagnosis is necessary, the 5th step in this lesson will be the proper way to achieve that.

So it is important to not tear down with random diagnosis, especially when you know that you may want to depend on this person later.

3rd Step – Give Him Space

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If you have codependency traits, this is going to be very hard for you but that is actually a good thing. Let me explain.

Anything or anyone that’s readily available gets taken for granted.  I will guess that the last space you want to be in your marriage is to be easily taken for granted.

This is a balancing act.  While it is nice to be able to spend as much time as possible with a person you love, keep in mind that this is “another person.”

So when you are in a marriage with a person that keeps going back and forth with divorce threats, they obviously are taking you for granted.

At this point, the reason is irrelevant because if your husband values you at this moment, he wouldn’t be interested in potentially losing you.

So the best way to reverse that is to give him the space he is suggesting to the best of your ability.  

That doesn’t necessarily have to be filing the divorce.  

I am talking about space as small as just a moment for them to process how they are feeling.  It can also be as big as a few nights in a nice hotel room.

It’s also good to help you balance out your codependency traits.  We all depend on each other but you do not want to be operating in codependency at a toxic level.

How do you know if it’s toxic?

It becomes toxic when a partner you depend on starts to take you for granted; some space for yourself (more importantly) is necessary at that point.

4th Step – Activate Self Love

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

At this stage, it will be extremely helpful for you to activate self-love at its highest level possible because you just can’t attract what you cannot give to yourself.

Excessive emotional and psychological dependency on another human, especially if it’s a spouse, is a direct result of suffering.

If you were already giving yourself love, you would probably crave less for it.

In real life, it means learning your personal love language and loving yourself in that language; your environment will have no choice but to mimic after you.

This is easier said than done especially if you are codependent but this is the work and in this space lies the greatest rewards from your marriage.

5th Step To Save Your Marriage – Invite To Counseling


Please do not attempt this step if you have not personally engaged in counseling, therapy, or coaching personally in addition to steps 1- 4.

It is almost always equivalent to manipulation and gaslighting when your first solution is to drag your husband to therapy and counseling.

Most people go there to point fingers and it usually creates more problems.  

It is key to be prepared as an individual which is how you will learn how to properly invite your husband to therapy and take full advantage of it.

Also, if there is any necessary clinical diagnosis of a psychological disorder, it will be better received since it is coming from a professional who is trained to do so.

Yes, he may seem depressed.  You may be accurate but you will create more problems for yourself if you call him depressed.  This may be the missing wisdom.

Hit the like button and check out the video on the screen for more information on how to prepare yourself to better seduce your husband into life and love together again.

5 Tips to Stop Divorce after Separation📍⁉️ ❤️

I received this question about a man who wants to make his wife stop divorce after they are already separated.

“She said [I don’t want to continue]. 

We were under pressure due to being in the middle of moving to Canada but we were in our schedule and plan.

 We had good sex, happy weekend, and I love her and she always said [I love you].

After separation, we went to counseling and he said [the issues that your wife mentioned can be solved and these are no huge problems.]

A few family members that I spoke with had the same idea that these problems are not the kind of problems that make a marriage.

I did whatever she wanted during the 10 months.

We have two daughters and I cannot imagine how our marriage is falling apart.

She has not filed for divorce yet but she said she will. 

I don’t know; How should I stop her.”

Here are 5 tips to give this gentleman the best chance of stopping the divorce and calling off the separation based on his email. 

how to stop divorce after separation

1 – Confidence

You can’t stop someone from filing a divorce but you can use reverse psychology to attract her back with confidence.

2 – Self Love

Also, by first loving yourself 

If you think you can physically stop her or bribe her to stop the divorce, it won’t work and if it did, it will work against you.

Because the same reason why she wants to leave you is probably still there.

3 – Listen without Judgement.

It’s a sign that you have not been listening when you narrate a story that seems like a sudden jump from a happy marriage to an unhappy marriage.

You and I cannot solve a problem that we have not identified.

4 – Identify & Acknowledge the Expressed Problem

If she said she didn’t want to continue 10 months ago, that’s the evidence that there was problem even if you are not necessarily the cause of the problem

A lot of men especially are oblivious.

This gentleman thought everything was good and on schedule, because they were having good sex and expressed liver verbally to each other.

But maybe you have a wife that basically wants to protect your feelings and won’t really speak her mind like most women.

It’s not an uncommon problem to not have paid attention to these common issues in a marriage; there were issues and you just didn’t know.

She may love you but she probably hasn’t been in love with you for a while.

ON THE PREVIOUS POST: 5 Signs Your wife is NOT Attracted to You ❤️https://lolaandola.com/signs-my-wife-is-not-attracted-to-me/

5 – Never Involve Extended Family Members

This is one of the problems.

Washing your dirty laundry in public will magnify the symptoms of the underlying issue in your marriage.

Speaking to extended family members about your significant other is definitely an abomination that you will pay for with shame.

That will make your situation worse than it already is.

While you may have just been in the heat of a moment when reporting to your extended family member, they will get the chance to get out of the funk of that moment.

When you’ve resolved your issues with your spouse, they are stuck in it and will continue to directly or most commonly indirectly instigate more problems for your marriage.

They have a natural bias and it can be for or again either spouse; even the fact that they feel the need to suppress biases becomes a bias.

All of these make your issues get bigger and bigger. 

You want to make sure that your extended family always experiences your highlights and happiness only; it doesn’t mean you have to pretend.

Just make it a point and your responsibility to discourage washing dirty laundry in public as your extended family has now become public.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24

You will end up destroying your marriage if you do not heed to this advice; I’ve been there done that…

They will single-handedly (with your help) destroy your marriage for you; not their fault, you invited them and gave them the pass.



There is no such thing as “small and petty” issues in a marriage; in fact, the smaller the issue is, the more it can slowly surely kill a marriage.

They are all real issues because these are emotional matters that can destroy a marriage 10 years before it manifests in real life.

That’s why your spouse can still love, make love and participate until the seemingly sudden shut off from the marriage.

You must learn effective communication which is dominated by effective listening in your marriage; it’s listening to emotions.

If all you are doing is listening to the words, you will end up feeling like you’ve done all that your spouse asked for and still feel inadequate.

You will manipulate more than actually attracting your spouse to love you unconditionally and finding delight in making you happy.

Listening indefinitely 

  • Without an agenda
  • Without a need to reply or respond
  • Without retaliation and attacks
  • Without being defensive

Listening in patience works 100% of the time in your favor and most likely in the favor of your marriage because your spouse will feel heard. 


Bonus – Pattern Interruption

Whatever you have been doing is not working so it’s time to back off a little and let your spouse come back to you. 

Most likely, you are coming off as predictable which means your spouse knows everything about you and how you feel about the issues.

The attraction is low (about 6 or 7 on a scale of 1 to 10) right now.

Spend the next 30 days reading this book “Get My Marriage Back” which you can download for free as a PDF…. learn how.

When your spouse wonders about you, it’s the equivalence of a rising level of attraction between the two of you.

Your spouse doesn’t have control of that; nature does.

Divorce being filed or not is irrelevant; the worst case scenario is that she may have to marry you again… focus on building yourself and allow God to work on her.

Inevitably, you will attract the love you deserve and not necessarily desire unless you do the work.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I save my marriage and stop divorce?

There are 5 tips I can give you but the first is to make sure that you are giving self-love a prioritized attention; you can’t give what you can’t give yourself.

At what point can you stop a divorce?

At what point can you stop a divorce?
In order to stop divorce, you have to wait till the stage when the other party can receive the idea or better yet when it’s their idea.

How can I legally stop divorce?

It depends on your jurisdiction; consult with a local divorce attorney to help you navigate the legalities or divorce proceeding.

How can I stop divorce?

The best way to stop divorce is to reverse engineer attraction back into your relationship and marriage until stopping divorce comes as an idea from your spouse.

How do you rekindle a marriage during separation?

There are 5 tips I can give you to rekindle your marriage but first, make sure that you are giving self-love a prioritized attention; you can’t give what you can’t give yourself.

Does separation prevent divorce?

Separation can prevent divorce but it doesn’t always prevent divorce especially when you are just winging things and not engaging in learning how attraction works in a marriage.

How do you become patient during separation?

Take the separation time to focus on self-love, self-confidence, self-development, self-improvement and be content with the possibility that your spouse may never come back; patience is defaulted into that process because it takes time.

How do I deal with a separation I don’t want?

The best way is to focus on self-love, self-confidence, self-development, self-improvement and self-worth until you stop wanting a marriage that the other party doesn’t want.