3 Marriage Retreat Events That Will Break You & Your Partner Further Apart 💔

In this lesson, you will discover 3 things from a marriage retreat that can break you further apart from your spouse.

While marriage retreat can really help to revive your marriage with the first 6 things that I want to share with you first,

it is very important to note that it can create worse marriage conditions.

This lesson is especially for you if you feel that your marriage is potentially in crisis

and you are wondering if a marriage retreat can help rekindle things.

But first…

How Much Does A Couples Retreat Cost?

Some few years back, our Church youth ministry decided that it was time to put together a marriage retreat for young couples.

At that time, we had just started this platform where we are sharing some really unique

and unconventional perspectives to building a strong marriage.

We knew that there was probably nothing new we would learn at the retreat

so we added some humility with a desire to network and we registered for it.

The cost was $300 per couple.  

It was way cheaper than many of these marriage retreat packages out here that can range from $3,000 to $5,000.

Even at that cost, I don’t think that is as expensive as a broken marriage; so be aware of some perspective there.

So from that marriage retreat experience, we ended up learning 9 things we think you should know before planning to go to one.

Let’s dive right in… 

Thing #9 – Lectures & Sermon Preaching

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So there will usually be a keynote speaker who will usually be a Pastor if the event is organized by a church.

In our opinion, this segment for the marriage retreat will probably be the least valuable for your marriage, and here is why.

The speaker would normally have their (not necessarily wrong) ideologies that either one of you as a couple will gravitate towards while the other may not be able to relate.

You will hear more generalized ideologies and beliefs more so than anything that addresses your unique situation.

Thing #8 – One Weekend Is Not Enough

Just as you should be aware of how realistic or unrealistic your expectations can be with respect to your partner, don’t expect a marriage retreat weekend to fix your marriage right away.

However, it can be powerful enough to trigger your marriage towards that direction even if it’s only one of you who is in the right space of mind.

Thing #7 – Role Play Exercises

Avoid marriage retreats that don’t involve some type of role-playing exercises because it is one of the most valuable parts of the experience especially for a couple in crisis.

When it comes to relationships, people can know 110% of the right things to do from a theoretical standpoint and fail woefully when things are playing out in real life.

This segment is great for weeding out the hidden principalities that your marriage is up against when you interact with your partner.

Thing #6 – Attraction, Intimacy & Sex

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A marriage retreat event where they don’t discuss this topic in detail and as vulgarly as possible is probably not going to help your marriage.

Sure you can regurgitate the same ‘ol advice such as love each other, go on weekly dates, learn the 5 love languages.

But many of the issues that couples deal with when it comes to lowered attraction, interest, seduction, intimacy, and sexlessness will remain unfixed without hitting the nail on the head.  

Thing #5 – Q & A’s

Questions and answers segment is the most valuable part of a marriage retreat in our opinion because it creates at least a 2-way dialogue and conversation.

But depending on how much the couples in attendance feel safe, they will have questions particularly if the lecture or preaching session had an adequate impact.

When a speaker delivers pure preaching from any remotely judgemental standpoint, the attendees will not feel safe to ask quality questions because they don’t want to be judged.

If no one is asking questions, the next segment now becomes more important as it will help instigate a valuable dialogue.

Thing #4 – Case Studies & Discussions

This is a segment where a good speaker would present illustrations, stories, and real-life examples of other couples who failed and succeeded at navigating marriage.

As much as we like to point out how different and unique every marriage is…

And emphasize on why no 2 marriages should ever be compared to each other, there are predictable patterns across the board that we can all learn from.

So introducing other stories will help attendees find different hiccups they can relate with in order to learn certain moves and actions to embrace or avoid.

3 Deadly Things To Avoid With Marriage Retreats

We just discussed the 6 different segments of a quality marriage retreat to look forward to if you decide to enroll in one.

Here are the last 3 things from a marriage retreat that can break your marriage further apart; learn them so you can avoid them.

Thing #3 – Absolutes & Extremes

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These 2 elements are the major enemies of relationships and especially marriage.

What many people tend to do is go to a marriage retreat and gather absolute and extreme ideologies they can use to manipulate their partner.

These ideologies usually start with “Married couples should…”, “A husband should…”, “A Wife should…” or “A real man should”.

These are double-edge swords with a minimum of 2 perspectives.  “Shoulds” are not always your reality.

So, you are better off replacing them with finding the unique things you and your partner have in common and embracing differences that can help you complement each other. 

Thing #2 – Duplication & Multiplication

Marriage retreat will tend to duplicate and multiply what your relationship already is if you do not leverage it to find out where you as an individual are contributing to what it already is.

Let’s break that down.

If your underlying relationship is trash, a marriage retreat has a way of making it more trash because of the heavy vibe of generalization at such events.

Thing #1 – Resentment From Comparison

When you are among so many other couples who may not be in any crisis like yours, it’s easy to start feeling like the grass may be greener on the other side.

This is especially true when your marriage is already in crisis.  

It’s only natural in that space to start comparing your situation to other people’s situation who may just look better on the outside only. 

Effectively, you start resenting your partner even more. 

So be sure to engage in proper therapy, counseling, and coaching before exposing your marriage to so much energy that you do not understand; Just another thing to beware of. 

Don’t forget to download your free book Get My Marriage Back at:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com 

Also, check out the 30 minutes free coaching and discovery session that we will give you access to right after the download.

💔 How Many Marriages End In Divorce?

In this lesson, you will discover, not just how many marriages end in divorce, but how it is different for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd marriages.

I want to blame someone for divorces.  

I will also reveal some deeper insights to these lagging indicators which is a limitation to the only numbers and percentages that we know as I reveal in this lesson.

A few days ago, I was listening to a livestream on Youtube in the men’s community called the manosphere or “red pill” as they discussed the prevalent and unfortunate gender wars.

Before stumbling into this community a few months ago, I didn’t realize that there were so many men that could come off as so hateful to women.

I’ve always known about some women’s communities even as far back as when I was a child in the late 80’s to the 90’s.  

It’s mostly women who have had a certain type of experience in marriage who end up in these communities.  

I always knew that men had their own struggles.  But little did I know that some gurus had found ways to capitalize on it and build extremely toxic communities.

In the women’s communities, the rhetoric is typically “Men are Scum.”  They go back and forth with real-life stories emphasizing this belief.

What I found with the men’s community is the “logical claim” to avoid marriage altogether because of these first 5 stats, percentages, and figures.

Let’s dive right in.

Stat #5 – 70% of Divorces are Initiated By Women.

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This data is according to a study conducted by the American Sociological Association in 2015, which by the way, the number jumps to 90% for university-educated women.

So the logic for the men in the red pill community is this.  

“If there is a 70% chance that the woman I love with my life will suddenly pull the plug for no damn reason, why should I get married?”

While that question is valid, it is also flawed in many ways. 

What if we assume that there are reasons that you as a mortal being just couldn’t see?  What if the question changes to… 

“Do I have some type of control or at least influence over my wife’s experiences and choices to stay a lifetime in our marriage or not?”

Well, it is easier for certain weak people to run for the exit at any level of exposure to potential pain and it’s harder to ask questions that true leaders continue to build empires with.

There is absolutely room for true leaders who are willing to learn what it takes to make the modern woman trust, respect and submit to the authority of marriage.

It’s really this simple.  The more empowered your wife feels the less she will tolerate certain types of disregard that women endured 50 years ago.  

As a man, you cannot afford to show up halfway in your masculine core to your marriage.  

It has nothing to do with honesty, integrity, and any obvious words people tend to throw around in these conversations.  Those are bare minimums for any human being

It has everything to do with how you are able to make your particular wife feel safe, secure, and loved consistently.  Consistency is an important ingredient.

If you are a typical woman, it’s about engaging the power of the almighty feminine energy and your awareness of how you can make it work for your marriage. 

Stat #4 – 45% Of All First Marriages End In Divorce

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I find it interesting that most people don’t dwell on this number going into their first relationship or marriage.  But it becomes a thing, again, after certain types of experiences.

Also, this number is often inflated to 50% when these toxic online communities utilize these stats as talking points and you can imagine how scary that is.

Depending on your level of expectations of marriage as a bed of roses,

hearing these stats can throw you off a healthy base.

And it’s even worse when the audience has experienced heartbreak at any level.  They will naturally have their guards up.

With my experience and expertise,

I’ve found that such guards end up falling over and killing every chance of an awesome life and love for the person who puts them up.

Stat #3 – 60% Of Second Marriages End In Divorce

There are many people who end up in these toxic online communities wasting away time they could have been spending building themselves.

Eventually, they come back to being human and falling in love prematurely without healing.  So they end up creating even worse statistics than that of first marriages.

Avoiding marriage is essentially a false sense of security.  As we now know, love, connection, and contribution to others are basic human emotional needs.

Instead of avoiding it, it’s better to lean in and learn how long-lasting marriages work and what makes them work.

Running from marriage for most people is like running away from your own shadow; you will end up coming off as crazy and potentially hurting yourself along with others.

Stat #2 – 73% Of All Third Marriages End In Divorce

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As you can see, it just gets worse.  

Contrary to “know it all’s”, people don’t enjoy jumping from marriages to marriages only to destroy it all over and create even worse statistics.

It’s a void that they are trying to fill; love, connection, companionship, contribution, and significance.  

These are accomplished through relationships and more so fruitfully through long-term relationships and marriages.

Where they get it wrong is by not healing their pain properly with time, knowledge, mentorship, coaching, counseling and/or therapy.

Again, running from a marriage without proper self-reflection is like running from your own shadows.  You will start looking crazy, hurt more people and yourself.

Stat #1 – Correlation Between Economy & Divorce Rate

The United States has the 6th highest divorce rate in the world.  

Coincidentally, or is it? The United States is also the 6th greatest nation on earth presently.  

So is there a correlation between economic empowerment or not?

There is and it’s not necessarily just economic… but all types of empowerment (especially social empowerment).

For many men, this means we should discourage women from being empowered.  That may be a “logical solution” but is that a holistic solution?

Doesn’t that sound like a quick easy exit or escapism from much-required work?

Is logic not also a function of the human emotional and innate need for growth for both man and woman?  Don’t we all want some level of more freedom in our lives?

So tell me in the comment area what your thoughts are around this topic

so that we can create more videos enlightening and empowering ourselves as people in modern society.

Don’t forget to download your free book.

Get My Marriage Back at:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com 

Also, check out the 30 minutes free coaching and discovery session that we will give you access to right after the download.

Hit the like button and check out the video on the screen for more information

…on how to rekindle and build an awesome marriage and legacy without being a simp or a pick-me.

Marriage Advice 💔 The 5 Best Advices Ever For Modern Marriages

In this lesson, you will discover some of the best marriage advice you will ever stumble into for modern marriages, traditional marriage in modern age and for newlyweds.  This is going to present a completely new perspective for you.

The other day, I was watching a video by one of the black manosphere leaders, Oshay Duke Jackson, interviewing a guy.  He claims that the root cause of his divorce was when his wife started listening to Amanda Seales.

While I agree that the trigger to the divorce could have been random media platform rhetorics, I disagree that it is the root cause.  The root cause is always a function of both parties involved.

Marriage is an institution and it remains exactly that even as the human species continues to evolve overtime.  

Fortunately or Unfortunately, the humans in a marriage control what they make of a marriage and therefore cannot not blame the institution of marriage when it is bad.  

It is also not wise to blame any entity outside of the individuals.  Yes, I said it’s a function of the parties involved but blame, guilt, condemnation and judgement will always work against the underlying relationship of a marriage.

With that being said, these are the 5 best pieces of advice I can share with any marriage at any stage including newlyweds in the modern age.

Marriage Advice #5 – Your Vows Meant Nothing

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People who say “I do” simply do not know what they are doing.  

I know that may sound heartbreaking to you but it is the truth.

What they were “doing” for the most part is the wedding ceremony and that’s regardless of how much premarital counseling they may have gone through.

The issue isn’t that the parties were pretending.  It’s simply that they couldn’t possibly have enough context to comprehend what they are getting into.

Marriage vows are beautiful and you may have put on a great show for the guests.  

The real test starts on the day after and most people, we now know, will not honor the vows 100% of the time.  It’s obvious with the divorce rate in virtually every society today.

So, do not set yourself up with expectations around your vows or the present state of your spouse.

On the flip side of that, it is not unwise to hold yourself accountable to the vows you took as it is simply the honorable thing to do.  

But do not assume that you can pour from an empty cup as you are not God… It’s going to be a constant effort of building yourself.

Marriage Advice #4 – Communication is NOT The Key

I know that may come as a shock to you.  But here is why.

What most people refer to as communication is the act of talking.  

Not only is that not the dictionary meaning of communication, effective communication is the actual key. The dictionary meaning of communication is the exchanging of information.  

Sure, in telecommunication as a technology, either sending or receiving individually counts as communication but in romance, it is not.

Effective communication in romance is 80% listening, 10% confirmation of understanding and 10% sharing of your personal insights and opinions.

This is especially true if you identify as the masculine core (not necessarily the man) presently in the marriage.  

It is your responsibility to set the tone for effective communication between you and your spouse.

Marriage Advice #3 – Engage God And/Or Gratitude

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One of the false messages out there that’s killing a lot of marriages before the start is the idea that love is not enough.

I will talk to you if you don’t identify as a christian in a minute.  But if you are a christian, you should never join the “love is not enough” gang.

As a christian, you should have subscribed to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8… 

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

If you haven’t seen this played out and tracked in your marriage on your part, you have no rights to claim that love is not enough.

However, as humans, patience has a threshold.  

So you need to humble yourself and tap into additional patience by putting God a.k.a the only source of unconditional love at the center of your marriage.

If you do not identify as a christian, I am simply talking about an attitude of Gratitude all around.  

When you look at things from a lens of “it can always be worse, you will create and have better and better experiences in your marriage.

This is the closest you can get to unconditional love which is a necessary ingredient in creating an awesome marriage.

Marriage Advice #2 – Personal Purpose

Infinite patience is a necessary ingredient to make a good marriage because your core beliefs will be tested by the differences between you and your spouse.

Now waiting around and calling it patience will eat you up because you as a human being are simply incapable of that level of patience.

But with your engagement in personal purpose and life mission (which should be bigger than life itself), you will expend some of your time in that space.

Then you leave some room for love, attraction and sexual  polarity to stay high within your marriage.  

While a spouse who claims to love can dump you, a spouse who is attracted to you will not dump you.

Marriage Advice #1 – Self Love

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You cannot give what you don’t have.  You have to make it a priority to make sure that you are good and full of love as an individual.

When you love yourself, it will create a downstream effect of loving your spouse from a space of abundance which is described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 that I quoted earlier..

When you attempt loving from a place of lack, it creates chaos.

Here Is A Bonus Piece Of Advice

In marriage, remember this scripture. 

Ephesians 6:12 – “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

Emotional intelligence will go a long way when it is present in your marriage.  It’s not the same as emotional expressions.

So tell me in the comment area which of these 5 pieces of advice you find most valuable and will be applying so we can see about diving a little deeper.

Don’t forget to download your free book.

Get My Marriage Back at:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com 

Also check out the 30 minutes free coaching and discovery session that we will give you access to right after the download.

Hit the like button and check out the video on the screen for more information on how to rekindle and build an awesome marriage and legacy without being a simp or a pick-me.

5 Things That Will Make Your Wife Miss You During Separation 💔

In this lesson, you will discover 5 things that you can focus on to make your wife miss you during a separation in marriage.  

Sorry to hear that you may be going through this but I got you.  I want to tell you a story about James and his wife who are separated but living together.

So James was a guy who dropped us an email.  He has been separated from his wife for a while now due to multiple issues. 

Based on his confession, his wife finally had enough of him constantly putting her down and she asked for a separation with the goal of divorce. 

They have been married since 2010 and have two kids together. 

According to him, the kids are why they have decided to live together but separated for the time being.

James doesn’t want divorce but he understands that his wife is comfortable and will need to miss their romance in order to get back together; hence his question.

Believe it or not, separation may not have been a bad thing for your marriage.  

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There is a Nigerian Yoruba proverb that says

“Agbo ti o fi eyin rin lo, agbara ni o lo mu wa.”

Which in loose translation means:

“The ram that moves backwards has gone to bring more power.”

This can be true for your marriage also… especially if you lean in and pay attention to these 5 things that go over most people’s heads.

Let’s be honest.  Emotions are high during separation on at least one side of the relationship; usually on both sides.

So everything I say to you today will be easier said than done. Nonetheless, it will increase your chances of attracting healthy love.

If you are a wife who is trying to make your husband miss you during separation, these lessons are also applicable.

But with a slight difference according to the sexual polarity based on the dynamics of masculine and feminine energy in your relationship.

With that being said, let’s dive into the 5 things….

Thing #5 – Attraction

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When there is a breakdown in attraction, the negative things are easier to focus on than all the numerous positive things happening, evident by the fact that there is room to complain.

This behavior subsequently creates the further deterioration of attraction in the marriage and this is why most couples in separation are in a vicious cycle.

Guess what you can start doing to rebuild attraction; the direct opposite.  Whatever you focus on expands; positive or negative.  

So one extremely seductive thing you can do now is to make a different choice; focus on all the positive things and ignore the negative things unless it is safety, security or core value related.

Thing #4 – Gratitude

This is an attitude to life.  It is still true to a large extent that you attract things into your life based on your attitude about life.

In the midst of separation, most people become very weak to the point that all they can do is swing along with things and wing things along.

They also tend to point fingers at everyone and everything else but self which is another way to disengage from self-improvement.

If your wife doesn’t get pointing-fingers from you, she will miss you because she will gradually start growing respect for you.

Thing #3 – Purpose

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Without a strong personal purpose in life, there is a good chance that you will have a lot of time in your hands for nonsensical activities.

You know what they say about the idle mind; it’s the devil’s playground right?  

If you are thinking about your separation right now, there is a chance that you are not as engaged with your personal life mission and purpose.

When you are engaged with your purpose as a man, it’s only natural for you to create a space of respect and healthy distance around you without you having to ignore her.

Your wife will miss you because she can feel the change especially if you both have good memories from the past together.

Thing #2 – Self-Love

This is simpler than most people understand.  If you don’t love yourself, others, including your estranged wife, will mimic that behavior.

It has to be absolutely clear to her that you love yourself way too much to wait around and throw your life away for her to miss being in love with you.

She doesn’t get to decide if she wants to miss you or not if you get this right.

Thing #1 – Let-Go

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I understand that it is almost an oxymoron to ask you to “let go” while trying to make your wife miss you; I’m guessing… in order to rekindle romance in your marriage.

Think about it.  Your wife is running for a reason.  

From a mental standpoint, the last thing you want to do to a person who feels like running is to convince them otherwise. 

People don’t run from what they passive as pleasure or relief.  They run from pain or anything they perceive as painful at least until you change that experience for them.

So “letting go” for you may feel painful which is why you may naturally be running from the idea of letting go but that is where the work lies for you.

So tell me in the comment area which of these 5 things has proven to be the hardest for you to do and we will see about doing a video tip on making it easier for you.

Don’t forget to download your free book

Get My Marriage Back at:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com 

Also check out the 30 minutes free coaching and discovery session that we will give you access to right after the download.

Hit the like button and check out the video on the screen for more information on how to rekindle and build an awesome marriage and legacy without being a simp or a pick-me.

5 “Lethal” Mistakes That Kills ATTRACTION To Your Husband💔

In this lesson, we are sharing 5 mistakes to avoid if you truly want to be attracted to your husband in a healthy, happy, and blissful way again.

So Samantha is at a place in her marriage right now, a marriage of 7 years, where she feels like things are spiraling out of control.

She claims that she really loves him but her description of the emotions playing out in their interaction indicates deflating attraction.

He is completely oblivious about the whole ordeal and she is just as afraid to communicate her feelings with him; actively protecting his feelings.

We have decided to extract some lessons out in the form of 5 mistakes that kill attraction further especially when you are already struggling in your marriage.

Mistake #5 – Self Diagnosing Your Husband

Here is one of the worst things you can do when you find yourself in a marriage that you consented to as an adult.

It is the act of labeling your spouse with all the negative psychological diagnoses you come across; labels such as narcissist, insecure, controlling, etc.

I understand it’s pretty easy to do because we all point fingers and have a difficult time holding the person in the mirror accountable especially when it is not obvious that we played a role.

The two parties played a role and it’s not about faults, rights, and wrongs.

It’s about attraction roles and you are better off assessing and analyzing this from a self-development and improvement standpoint first.

Blame, guilt, condemnation, and judgment work against attraction 100% of the time.

Mistake #4 – Confusing Patience with Lack Of Self Worth

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You’ve heard that patience is a major key in having a healthy level of tolerance and compromise necessary to sustain a marriage.

But I want you to know that everything, including water, can mess you up if you consume an overdose. So at what point is patience too much?

Significance is one of the 6 basic human needs.  

If your idea of patience is making you feel insignificant in your marriage over a long stretch of time, you are probably operating from a place of low self-worth, self-respect, and self-esteem.

Eventually, your marriage or an integral part of it will collapse; drained.

If you are experiencing this, it’s time to engage in self-development even before trying to fix your marriage.  It has a direct effect on feeling attracted to your husband again.

Mistake #3 – Confusing Space With Lack Of Intimacy

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The fear of the unknown gets real when you come to the conclusion that some space is necessary for your mental health during a crisis in the marriage.

And your mental health is also necessary to create a healthy, romantic, and long-term relationship with your husband.

That’s what you want right? 

I know what you are thinking…

But what if you or your husband taste something (some strange forbidden fruit) during the separation that takes you to a point of no return? 

Scary….

There is also a second question.

How painful is the void you are already feeling in the present state of your marriage?

Now… Which fear is greater? 

Fear of the unknown or fear of living in a miserable “void” for the rest of your sustainable marital life; something will give eventually.

I want you to know that space and distance make the heart fonder; that’s precisely growing attraction and affection provided the damages are not too much before you embrace the necessity for space sometimes.

Mistake #2 – Feeling Embarrassed About A Struggling Marriage

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Every marriage struggles at one point or the other. In fact, most marriages that you admire from the outside have one struggle or the other.

…with a lot… having one or two things to do with the underlying relationship.

You are not alone.

I also want you to know that all the long-term marriages that you admire from the outside (looking in) have been tested terribly and that’s precisely why they are now awesome.

There is literally nothing new with these marriage issues; focus on the healing you need to rebuild your attraction to your husband again.

Mistake #1 – Pouring Out Of An Empty Cup

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When you don’t make taking care of yourself a priority as a woman (even ahead of your children), the family eventually falls apart.

For a typical woman, the “nurturing” thing is natural instincts. I get it.

But we are also humans, which means, emotions, complexities, civilization, overthinking, narcissistic traits, insecurities are involved.

So you have to be careful on how you set priorities when it comes to what you choose to nurture and in what order.

I get it.  The marriage is falling apart so both parties should seek counseling or therapy… that’s BS because usually one person is disconnected.

This is one of the greatest mistakes that kill your attraction to your husband because he is likely to decline if he is just as oblivious as Samantha’s husband.

Then you will build more resentments towards him; effectively destroying attraction and sexual polarity in your marriage

Instead of seeking and crying for joint counseling, (which is usually a place where people waste time on pointing fingers)…

Engage in individual self-development, counseling, therapy or coaching first; check the mirror first; there may be a blindspot there.

If you feel we can help you personally, feel free to go to www.GetMyMarriageBack.com, download the free book, and book a free 30 minutes coaching session with us.