“FIDELITY, MARRIAGE & HOLINESS”📍 John Gray

Question: “Fidelity, Marriage & Holiness”

In particular we are talking about holiness.

So there’s this video that John Gray said:

“For those who need to hear me say this. The name of the Lord is holy. The standard is holiness. The word of God is utterly holy. He is not to be toyed with. Church is not a gain and pastors are held to the highest of standards, moral integrity, character when no one is looking, fidelity and faithfulness in marriage and for me, not submitting to process, not staying accountable and not utilizing the voices available to teach me the tools have caused me to make bad decisions.”

For a minute I got confused there, I thought he was gonna say “Touch not my anointed”.

But if you read between the lines, you will know that that’s really what he meant.

I’m just used to “touch not my anointed one” because that’s how our own Nigerian pastors…

That’s how they say “don’t judge me, how dare you” that’s what I was getting from there but in a different form.

I was expecting him to say “Touch not my anointed”, the usual one that they say.

But he did say it in a different form and then at the end of the day he is saying he didn’t take accountability,

…I mean his whole message is confusing.

Many pastors I know are really struggling with their marriages and the only common thing with them is because they are all pastors.

And these are all extremely huge pastors.

Big pastors, some of them are still very loud about how a woman should be submissive.

That’s to support the point we are making here.

It’s bigger than just your holiness Bro.

Maybe striving for holiness is better than holiness because Holiness is not attainable.

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Can we just be honest about that?

But we are not gonna say like that because people should still strive to be better people.

I believe in people striving to be better people than this holiness thing.

The reason why I kick against like that, I know to certain church people they are gonna be like “what do you mean?” I get it.

Your chest comes out when you hear “Holiness is not good enough” I get it but I didn’t mean to say that,

Just like John Gray did not mean to say “touch not my anointed” but that’s actually what he said by saying holiness.

It’s not relevant, that’s the point.

So Fidelity, Marriage & Holiness.

You’re right, you’re wrong.

It clearly doesn’t matter and I know maybe I didn’t bring enough samples but there’s more than enough samples out there,

…and as we said earlier, a lot of pastors suffer in marriage or their wife is suffering in the marriage at least,

Because their outlook on life is this holiness thing and they can’t live up to that standard unfortunately.

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John Gray cannot live up to this standard.

He is still busy presenting that he can’t.

Talking about Fidelity, Marriage & Holiness, we are asking something simple, as simple as faithfulness to your wife.

We are not even asking him but he decided to come and share that, after the blogs broke that out.

And you’re talking about holiness Bro?

You’re manipulating people, you are saying holiness is the standard.

Standard of what?

Nobody is arguing about that.

That’s the point I’m making.

Nobody is arguing that holiness is the standard when talking about the bible, but we are talking about a real human being in your house,

… that you just hurt because you told them that you are gonna be faithful to them and your lifestyle and you being a pastor and she is also a pastor Mrs,

You can’t even live up to that and you are talking about Fidelity, Marriage & Holiness.

Are you confused or something?

So this is the confusion that’s going on everywhere.

You can see it everywhere.

Keep it simple, with regards to Fidelity, Marriage & Holiness,

Let’s not worry about holiness, let’s not worry about you being God.

Let’s just start with, you’re human.

We just found out that you’re human, you just found out that you are human let’s focus on that.

So remove yourself and don’t worry about the blogs.

Let them go crazy.

See, wise people, the most powerful people in the world will probably let the blogs go crazy.

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They let them knock themselves out and say “Oh what happened, you found out that I slept with your dog yesterday? Knock yourself out okay?”,

…God forbid I didn’t sleep with a dog really.

You know what I’m saying.

Knock yourself out.

Why do you feel the need to come and respond so quickly?

It tells me you are guilty and I don’t even like pointing out guilt, but because we are humans, like we just said,

We are humans so just let it go.

You have to learn how to let go.

Yes they are talking about you right now you are making the news, there was a real video, we get it.

Put out a statement through a PR.

No need to apologize because your apology is useless right now and especially to your wife, sadly.

Your apology is useless and most apologies are useless.

Let’s just put that out like that.

When it comes to the holiness situation with church folks, I don’t even get involved because I don’t consider myself a holy person.

I’m not even gonna sit down there and argue with you.

I just don’t know why I would be fighting.

People who try to present themselves as holiness or a holy person, it’s a waste of energy for the most part.

No one is perfect.

Though you can try to be a better person than you are yesterday.

You can work on that because that’s easier.

Don’t waste your energy on holiness.

It’s a waste of energy honestly and you are not gonna attain it.

Let’s just be practical, it’s never gonna happen as long as you’re human, good luck on that.

Even Jesus was knocked to the wood eventually so who are you, you are not holy.

Stop talking about holiness as the standard.

Who are you?

Holiness can be a bastard.

It becomes pride for some people you know.

“Is infidelity God’s FAULT?”📍 John Gray

Question: “Is infidelity God’s FAULT?”

“…why do you use me? I didn’t ask for this. You raised me up and I told you I’m not the one. I told you I got all of these stuff I have been praying for years, my answers never come. But I pray for others and you answer them right away. Why did you raise me up if you knew that I was gonna miss it and in the process of trying to serve you, my humanity would explode from behind the facade of religious perfection…” – John Gray

He just blamed God for everything, “I told you I’m not capable of being a pastor and you make me a pastor?”

But he’s been collecting the money.

He did a show called The Book of John Gray, I love that show.

He was also a background singer back in the day.

I actually think he is such a wise guy until this issue happened.

When he speaks, It’s his talent you can’t take that away from him.

A gift is a gift and he has that gift,

… but that doesn’t mean you are not going to be responsible for your emotional affairs or happenings.

See when you tender an apology too early this is what happens,

… you will say the wrong things.

First of all, that apology was too long.

He should have done the PR thing.

The wisest people in this world, what they do is they send a PR to go tender an apology statement because your truth varies.

Your truth now when this thing just happened is only based on your reaction.

While the truth you have a few weeks later from now would have changed because you would have settled in.

You would have used the wisdom of God to process what happened.

Plus, you will have more information and everything would have been calmed a little bit.

You are busy apologizing to the world, when that’s not the least of your issues because he said it, he is strong bone.

PREVIOUS POST: “The WRONG WAY To Take Responsibility”📍 John Gray

The person that covers him is his wife.

That’s the person that covers him but he is going to lose that.

Then come and give or tender his apology like a day after the news broke out,

…that you threw out completely under the bus?

Like come on.

So infidelity, what is it miscommunication?

Whatever he just did or he called it because “It wasn’t physical” so it doesn’t matter.

And all of this is God’s fault because God called him,

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…but he collects that money, he has been making money with his brand.

He is so manipulative.

He made so much money and bought a Lamborghini for the wife as the last apology.

Yes, the apology from some strange woman.

I mean, all these years I have been going to church, God forgive me, I didn’t know about the strange woman until they talked about that.

I was like “why is she saying strange woman like that”, the way she emphasizes on that strange woman…

Well, strange women and strange men, they are everywhere.

So, Is infidelity God’s fault?

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No, infidelity is not God’s fault.

You have to be responsible with your own actions.

And when you are covering things up and then the wrong things are coming out of your mouth,

That’s what happens when you apologize too early.

Too early or premature apologies are manipulative.

There are other ways to fix emotional matters quickly.

It takes time.

Wife or Husband Denying You Sex? DO THIS!!!

If this happened to you, you are probably feeling rejected and unwanted.

…but you need to understand what just happened deeply and not just on the surface.

The easy thing that most people do is feel like a victim and therefore lose complete control of the situation.

They get defensive, insecure and make their spouse out to be the bad guy or gal who just wants to be cruel.

But it’s deeper than that and you can be in more control than you feel right now; getting angry and defensive will perpetuate the situation.

What can you do when your wife continuously keeps denying you sex? 

When you get sex from her, it’s always after pleading.

The first step is to back off for a while because it is unlikely that she is wanting to punish you.

If that was the case, that would also mean that she is denying herself… doesn’t make sense.

If she wants to have sex with you, she would also be punishing herself in order to punish you.

There is more to what is happening, so as a 2nd step backing off…

find out what is going on emotionally and psychologically.

If you do get sex after pleading ONLY, that also means you are not enjoying the full experience of intimate sex with your spouse.

That’s not healthy because eventually, you may start resenting your spouse.

What should a husband do when his wife refuses to have sex?

STEP 1 – Back up from asking for sex.

STEP 2 – Find out what the underlying issues are using effective listening.

Do wives deny their husbands sex as a form of manipulation?

There are a 2 ideal and simultaneous reasons why wives have sex with with their husbands.

1 – Desire: Wives have sex with a husband they desire sexually; they desire sex and desire the husband sexually.

So using sex to manipulate would also means that they are inflicting pain in themselves.

2 – Gift: It can also represent a form of gift to a person they (you guessed it) DESIRE.

Sex as a duty is not one of the reasons why wives have sex with their husbands.

I understand many religions and cultures around the world have deemed it conjugal rights…

But numerous studies and careful observations have revealed that people enjoy it only when there is free will DESIRE, and that’s regardless of marital status.

By default, “not desiring to have sex with spouse” is usually not relevant to manipulation.

So…

Why would a woman refuse sex from her husband? Why is my wife denying me sex?

It could be due to an array of multiple different reasons like trust, betrayal, medical, emotional and etc … reasons.

Take the time to find out and approach your seduction moves from that angle.

Wife rejection syndrome is real but you may have more strength than you think to not just be patient but seduce her back into your harms; desire is a necessary ingredient.

What does the Bible say about a wife denying her husband?

Here is the what the bible says in ‭‭the book of 1 Corinthians‬ ‭7:3-5‬ ‭

“Then they may have sex with each other in the right way.

A husband should agree to have sex with his wife.

And the wife should do the same thing for her husband.

The wife does not rule over her own body to decide when to have sex.

She belongs to her husband.

In the same way, the husband does not rule over his own body.

He belongs to his wife.

Do not refuse to have sex with each other, unless both of you agree to stop for a short time.

Then you can use more time to pray.

But you should come together again soon, as husband and wife.

If not, Satan may try to make you do something wrong.

You may want too strongly to have sex with someone else.”

This is one of those verses in the bible that needs deeper interpretation than just face-value misogynistic interpretation.

Sure there is a direct instruction, “do not…”

But all those rules fly out the window when you start hearing crazy voices in your head when sex is proposed from a spouse you’ve lost desire for.

So referencing all those bible verses will only come off as manipulative; it will even kill attraction further.

When a man rejects you sexually…

The same rule applies.

The truth is that the dynamics may be slightly different.

But you should pay attention to the “not so obvious” underlying reasons.

Defensiveness, overreaction and neediness will only make matters worse.

How often should a wife please her husband?

She should please her husband every time he wants but just because she should doesn’t mean she would.

And it doesn’t mean, she will or she will be capable of pleasing him.

Why does my wife refuse to be intimate with me?

When she wants to be cruel and wicked… but I am just kidding.

There are many underlying issues under the categories medical and mental that can make your wife refuse to be intimate with you.

The first step is to find out what the underlying issues are; that process requires patience.

Why am I not enough sexually for my husband?

There is an assumption of guilt there but it probably has very little to do with you.

Likewise, it won’t be wise to assume context as it would matter in determining the right strategy to attract your husband again.

Is it Wise to Deny Your Husband Sex?

This morning, I saw this post below posted on Facebook and I thought we should discuss.

“If you deny your husband sex, you are not wise. Bang him when things are wrong. That’s how to handle marriage. Can I get a witness?”

I am not sure if this was an advice or what…

Whatever it is (don’t deny your husband sex) is terrible and I will tell you why…

When you are married to a person that (hopefully) you are sexually attracted to, you wouldn’t want to deny them sex because…

That would also mean denying yourself the sex… as well.

So it doesn’t make sense.

However, if your spouse breaks trust, it can make you lose sexual attraction towards them… which means you despise sex.

That’s where the topic came from.

“Despise vs Deny Sex?!?!!?”

In fact, they asked a lady if she would consider denying her husband of sex if he cheated?

She answered/asked… “Who did I offend?”

It’s very important to know the difference between these 2 because it will determine your strategy to seducing your spouse back again.

If you feel that your spouse denied you sex, you will build resentments and you will react accordingly which will further make them despise sex with you.

On the flip side, when you realize that attraction is simply low, you will naturally focus on learning how to seduce him/her back into your harms.

So no wife or husband is sitting around looking to denied themselves of good sex that they also want… may be they just don’t want to have sex.

Sex may be a duty but it feels terribly wrong as a duty to at least one of the parties when it’s done as a duty or chore.

It feels a lot better when you do it because you want it… in fact, that’s the point.

Majority of people that accuse wives of denying husband of sex in a crisis have completely missed it…

They miss the part where she just doesn’t want to have sex because of the underlying issues.

And it is in fact manipulative and unreasonable to use guilt to get someone to do it when they don’t want it.

If you haven’t claimed your free copy of GET MY MARRIAGE BACK, you can do so by clicking here.

Cheers 🙂

LOLA & OLA

P.S. There is no such thing as a spouse denying his/her partner of sex; he/she either want to or despise having sex with the partner.

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5 Stages that Leads to a Sexless Marriage 💔

So what is a sexless marriage?

A sexless marriage is a marriage where sexual intimacy has dried up for 3 months or longer.

You should wait till 3 months to find this out.

Anything after a week should initiate a loving conversation and not an argument.

Let’s get into the stages and signs…

What is a sexless marriage and what are the signs and stages?

(1) She doesn’t love you anymore will lead to a sexless marriage

If your spouse is starting to tell you that he or she doesn’t love you anymore, it’s not bad…
But it’s not as bad as it feels.

You should acknowledge the feeling without overreacting to confirm that he or she is right.

That reaction alone can stop the painful direction of your marriage.

(2) If you are confused (especially as a man), in time you will increase the chances of a sexless marriage.

If you are confused about the direction of your marriage or relationships, that’s okay.

That’s just how you feel right now.

If you know anything about feelings, you know that they are temporary.

However, feeling sustained confusion is a feminine energy but men can feel it as well.

But when a man continues to express sustained confusion in words, a woman will start to feel less and less attraction for him.

That dynamic will move more in the direction of a sexless marriage as he also won’t be sure of when to make a move and seduce.

Not being sure of yourself is another feminine energy.

Anytime I say “men”, you can use that interchangeably with the dominant partner in the relationship.

(3) The fear or threat of divorce will create a sexless marriage.

In fact, you will attract what you fear the most when you either threaten your spouse with divorce or your fear it.

What you focus on will expand; either negative or positive.

Your intentional and unintentional actions have a way of aligning with what you focus emotional energy on.

(4) She doesn’t want PDA

If your spouse suddenly stops wanting public display of affection (PDA) from you,

You are probably moving in that direction of a sexless marriage if not there already.

So suddenly, she stops wanting to kiss.

Your first step is to ensure that you are clean and breath is not stinking.

Put some effort in making sure that you can physically seduce your partner.

Seduction should never end on either ends but the reality is that one partner may have more strength in that area than the other..

Naturally, we all get complacent and stop seducing each other.

Commit to catching it when he or she is retracting from the usual PDA and make sure that you improve…

Before asking… “Is everything okay?”

And then, listen carefully to what the concerns may be.

However, if your spouse has always been that way due to background, culture, personality, and etc. that’s a different issue altogether.

(5) Arguments Everywhere

Arguments are not the same as disagreements.

They are pointless repetitive clarification of points that leads to bad energy and kill attraction.

So if you do engage in enough arguments, you should not be surprised about ending up in a sexless marriage.

If you don’t feel that arguments kills sex, attraction, relationships, and marriages, there is a high chance that your partner disagrees with you.

In fact, if you bring it up, it will cause an argument… and create a vicious cycle of a sexless marriage..

What about… “wife says she loves me but not in love with me.”

Loving you is decision she made at the altar and being in love with you is a feeling that she doesn’t have right now.

The keyword phrase is “right now”. It’s temporary and it can only be permanent if you don’t work on bringing attraction back into your marriage.

But the first step is to stop panicking about that and learn how listen to her emotions without involving much of your emotions.

Couples counseling can help with this kind of stuff.

My wife says she doesn’t love me anymore and wants a divorce.”

Same issue; don’t panic about this temporary feeling.

Don’t attempt to work on her. Instead work on yourself and build a self that will attract her back to you and a better relationship.

Make her earn you back.

The same attraction and self worth issues can be worded and a few different ways.

“My wife loves me but doesn’t desire me.”

“My ex said she doesn’t love me anymore.”

“Wife doesn’t love me but won t leave.”

Obviously, she REALLY doesn’t want to leave. It’s an attraction issue and it starts with you, the complainer.

“I don ‘t love my wife anymore but she loves me.”

So why are you complaining… I know why.

You are just not attracted to her right now.

But maybe you are afraid of leaving. That’s feminine energy.

Decide what you want to do and move on from the misery.

If you keep dragging her in your misery, she may eventually bring out her masculine energy, decide for you and leave.

Then you will hate yourself and want her back suddenly; may be you need to see her with another man first.

You don’t have to be with her if you don’t want to.

But for your own good, learn how to be decisive like a man in his full essence and you will attract the woman that you desire.

You need to read the book “Get My Marriage Back” 10-15 times.. it will help in taking control of your emotions.

It may be her and may be not, but she will always respect you as a man.

Click Here to Take the 2 Minutes Sexless Marriage Quiz

Below is a question for us to address with this lesson…

“I have a problem.

My wife wants to separate.

She said she doesn’t love me anymore but she also said,

I love you because you are the father of my kids and also because of the struggles we’ve been through.

We have been together for 11 years and I still love her.

What can I do? I’m just so confused.

We haven’t even talked about a divorce.

She has never brought it up and of course I don’t want a divorce.

This is just so confusing.

We still live together with our kids in the same house.

We still have sex and sometimes we kind of flirt.

But she doesn’t want to kiss me like she is afraid as if something.

It’s just so weird.

She said she doesn’t love me but she still has an affection for me so it’s very confusing.

It’s like do you love me or not.

And also, she has a big pride; she wants to be right all the time and never says she is wrong even when she is.”

Enjoy the video.

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What is a sexless marriage?

A sexless marriage is a marriage where sexual intimacy has dried up for 3 months or longer.

What percentage of sexless marriages end in divorce?

About 20% of marriages are sexless and about 50% of them end up in divorce. Lack of sex is definitely a contributing factor to divorce rate.

Can a sexless marriage survive?

Lack of sex in a marriage (outside of medical and disability reasons) is a symptom. The marriage can survive if the underlying issue is uncovered with root cause analysis and fixed.

How long do sexless marriages last?

Sexless marriages can last as long as the couple wants it to last with respect actions. If you are willing to stay even if you don’t like it, it can last a lifetime.

How do you fix a sexless marriage?

Uncover the underlying issue with root cause analysis through the help of a coach and adjust accordingly. Lack of sex is a symptom of other emotional issues with the exception of disabilities and medical reasons.

What does it mean when a woman says she loves you but is not in love with you?

It means she is not feeling safe with you RIGHT NOW to be sure of loving you right now.

It’s a feeling that won’t necessarily transcend time especially if you know what you are doing.

Can a relationship last without sex?

Yes it can but very rarely especially if we are talking about marriage.

There are many people that stay in a marriage due to a lifetime of history, children and cultural reason.

But it’s not healthy unless there is lack of sex due to disability or medical reasons.

What do you do when a girl says she doesn’t love you anymore?

You have to give the girl the gift of missing you.

If a girl doesn’t love you anymore, it’s because she doesn’t respect you any more.

That’s the direct symptom of lack of self-respect; no one will give you what you can’t give yourself.

So ask yourself, “have I shown up to the relationship in ways that shows that I don’t respect myself?”

For example, engaging in heated arguments with a girl is a sign of lack of self respect; she will lose respect for you in a matter of time.

It’s also a sign that you don’t pay attention to a woman much less knowing her.

How do you tell if your GF doesn’t love you anymore?

The first sign that she (girlfriend or wife) doesn’t love you anymore is the sign that you observed to lack confidence in the relationship to the extent of asking this question.

Just keep in mind that it’s a feeling for her at this point and i won’t last if you know what you are doing in terms of attracting her back.

On the flip side, she may leave you so you should do something about bringing attraction back.

You may like this… “Is it too late to fix my marriage?”

and When to walk away from sexless marriage…

MY MARRIAGE IS IN SHAMBLES ❤️ How To Fix A Broken Marriage

QUESTION ⁉️ “My marriage is in shambles after my wife emotionally connected to another person while I was deployed.

She has left the state and is trying to rush an uncontested divorce.

It will likely be finalized in the next week or less. And then, there will be a brief reconciliation period.

Is there anyway to save my marriage?”

ENJOY THE VIDEO.

How Can I Fix My Marriage By Myself