Our Top 5 “Must Read” Marriage Books 💔 For Couples

In this lesson, you will discover the top 5 “must-read” marriage books we think every couple must read individually, especially and together when possible.

Every marriage will experience a crisis at some point regardless of how prepared for marriage the parties try to be.

Lola and I had our fair share.

When everything was good, lovely, and romantic, it was difficult for us to comprehend why we needed to learn more about how marriage works.

When we engaged in premarital counseling shortly before our wedding in 2007, we understood the counsel from a fulfilling-all-righteousness standpoint.

But we simply could not comprehend the depth of the importance of new wisdom with respect to marriage—we thought we had figured it all out.

You are probably just as naive as we were. 

That’s normal but I recommend that you rise above normal.

So we want to recommend our 5 top marriage books that we feel will put you into a space of new marriage-related wisdom.

I will also share what we got out of the book so that you can know what to expect.

Let’s dive right in.

Best Marriage Book #5 – The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

I know you probably saw this coming.

The best thing about this book is that it is fundamentally a seduction tool precisely to maintain a healthy level of attraction in a marriage.

Of course, there is always a Mr & Mrs know-it-All who doesn’t believe in “all that goofy stuff.”

Unfortunately, attraction, as important as it is in modern marriage, tends to fall in the background of most marriages.

Sadly, some would read this book and use it to manipulate and set up even more unrealistic expectations.  

Don’t be that person.

It’s a seduction tool to learn how to serve so that you can receive more authentically.

Best Marriage Book #4 – How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie

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Many people don’t realize that this book is more so about relationships than it is about business.

But granted. 

Businesses are also built on relationships.

In the modern age of marriage, friendship is the core of the underlying relationships. 

Till date, it represents the best flight I ever took because I read it while in transit.

In this book, you will ultimately learn how to build fruitful friendships with anyone.

One of the major conflicts in marriage dances around either controlling behavior or lack of accountability of one or both sides.

In reality, you can try but you cannot control another human being, especially an adult.  

You can however learn how to influence them.

Also, if you feel like your spouse is not being accountable, this book will actually teach you how to influence in the direction you want especially if that is positive.

This works better than going into teaching mode with the person you are supposed to be engaging romantically.

Sadly, this skillset is just as powerful to influence negatively as well.  

You are probably doing that already but may be unknowingly.

Best Marriage Book #3 – How to Be a 3% Man by Corey Wayne

Personally, I believe that the man sets the tone while the woman builds the home. (By the way, I am not talking about a house.)

To adjust more appropriately, I am referring to a typical man and a typical woman. 

As you probably already know, there are exceptions to every rule in life.

So since a typical man sets the tone, it’s probably a wise decision to learn how to become the best that the society has to offer as a man.

Being born or identifying as a male gender is simply not the equivalent of being a man; neither is being a married man.

Just look around you, even as a man, I’m sure you have experienced a man misbehave out of place and out of his masculine core.

I believe this book is not an absolute bible but it will give you great insights into identifying your best moments as a man in his full strength and masculine core.

You can therefore replicate it more often.

If you are a woman, it’s a great read so that you can learn what to expect from a man that you can create a healthy marriage and relationship with long term.

Best Marriage Book #2 – His Needs, Her Needs by William F. Jr. Harley

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As self-explanatory as that may sound to you, we’ve found that most couples are and will have difficulty balancing and consolidating 2 people’s needs at the same time.

In this modern times and age, with the massive uprising of not-so-professional opinions around marriage on social media…

… and the ease of regurgitating these toxic online  opinions of those who have experienced heartbreak without proper healing, this book was my personal saving grace.

That’s why you see grown men roaming around social media talking about…

“Marriage is a total waste of time. If you want a woman, live with one or get a hooker.”

Yea I know. It’s sad, right. 

That’s what happens when humans with the mind of a gold fish go through a heartbreak. 

Then it’s everyone else’s fault but the man in the mirror.

We learned that faults, guilts, blame, judgment and condemnations are irrelevant unless you want to perpetuate a life of emotional suffering.

So this book started my journey down the rabbit hole of learning the differences that create the sexual polarity, love and romance that both the man and the woman crave badly for.

If I’m being honest, it wasn’t good enough but it was good enough to start that journey of remaining a perpetual student of relationships for me personally.

And it has been worth every word in it.

Best Marriage Book #1 – Get My Marriage Back by Lola & Ola

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

After reading all those 4 books we recommend, something massive was missing.

There was no book in the market written by a couple from their own perspective and personal stories addressing these issues.

It’s not a book on English grammar.

It’s a book highlighting how we did it and still doing it.

Lola and I understand the perspective of the western and traditional world. 

We found that at its core, we are all the same.

But it isn’t that simple. 

So we wrote this book to unpack things, especially for two types of individuals.

If you feel like your marriage is broken or…seems like it and you are the only one fighting for it, this is the book for you.

But if you feel like things couldn’t be better in your marriage, you may not appreciate the content.

Keep doing whatever is working for you.

Lastly, any and everyone will pick up tips on preparing for the inevitable break down to rock bottom of every marriage before you can build real and true love.

So tell me in the comment area which of these 5 books you will be picking up right away and why.

Don’t forget to download your free book.

Get My Marriage Back at:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com 

Also check out the 30 minutes free coaching and discovery session that we will give you access to right after the download.

Hit the like button and check out the video on the screen for more information on how to rekindle and build an awesome marriage and legacy without being a simp or a pick-me.

5 Reasons Why Your Wife Is Not Interested In You Sexually 💔

In this lesson, we are about to dive in through the story of a 28 years old guy

who is married to a 33 years old with a brand new baby and the blue balls syndrome.

Let’s call him Felix.

He writes…

“My wife and I have been together for about 6 years, married for 2 and we have an almost 1 year old child. 

My wife has had a reasonably exciting sexual past, and one thing that really stood out to me…

when we first started dating was how in control and proud of her sexuality she was. 

She was always full of confidence, dressed to impress and was unapologetic about going after anything she wanted, whether that was sexually or just for fun.”

Before I continue into this story, let me introduce myself.

My name is LOLA and I am the co-author of the book

GET MY MARRIAGE BACK 

…with my husband OLA

…which you can download for free at:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

You will also see an opportunity to book a free 30 minutes coaching session with us. 

My name is OLA.

So Felix continues to write…

“Due to our work, we sometimes spend significant periods of time apart. 

But the time apart was filled with dirty messages, photos and videos, and exploring fantasies, toys, lingerie and bondage ideas. 

I would send her over sex toys to use and she would send videos back (she couldn’t buy toys where she was). 

After a while (about 3 years ago), it didn’t just drop off, it stopped completely.”

So here goes the first reason…

Reason #5 – All Good Things Comes To An End

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I know that may sound scary and discouraging when it comes to the prospect of marriage for young men.

But what are we referring to as the “thing” here?  That will be greatly dependent on how much of a man you are.

I want to assure you that it is a good thing when you are aware that good sexual explosive phases as a thing do come to end.

It’s how we are able to separate a good phase from a bad phase so that we can appreciate either of the phases better.

And do everything within our power to consistently seduce our wives.

You have a choice to decide if this particular good sexual explosive phase is coming to an end permanently or temporarily.

Let’s continue to read…

He continues…

“We married almost 2 years ago, and the only decent period of somewhat routine sex since then was when we were trying to have a child. 

Suddenly I was the bad guy when I wasn’t available on a particular evening because that’s when we were most likely to conceive,

completely ignoring the 12 months prior of me desperately trying to initiate some kind of intimacy. 

Priorities and our lives in general have changed a great deal since then, with our beautiful baby now the centre of our lives.

However, I’ve felt more and more like I’m just a passenger along for this ride with my wife and kid.”

Reason #4 – Playing Victim vs Engaging Power

Keep in mind as always that this is not a “right or wrong” thing.  

It is not a joke but it is a game where you have to learn that playing the victim and retaining your power cannot co-exist.

You have your lady who is also nurturing your own brand new baby, and somehow you are a victim?

It’s not sounding right… right?

Your wife can feel that energy and it will only turn her off even more without her deliberately doing that.

I want you to become self aware and clear about that while responding to this crisis. 

Let’s continue to read…

He continues…

“We haven’t had sex properly in over 18 months.

My wife occasionally makes snide remarks at me, when after periods of trying to initiate some kind of intimacy,

I give up and stay up later to have some ‘time to myself.’ 

She makes me feel like a creep in my own house and I just feel like shit, and my anxiety starts to tick up.”

Reason #3 – Giving Up

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By your own words, you give up while attempting to initiate sex.

You can at least agree that there is nothing sexy about giving up and more especially the vibes and energy that accompanies that right?

Instead of giving up and continuing to play the victim,

I want you to leverage this moment of your life and marriage to engage your personal life mission and purpose first.

This may be something about your ambitions, career or some charity work that makes you feel fulfilled as a person.

It will leave you little to no room to keep feeling sorry for yourself while you are simultaneously giving your relationship some breathing room.

Now I want you to keep initiating sex but by practicing 3 steps forward and 2 steps backward.  

There is nothing sexier than a man whose wife feels safe enough to say “not today babe” while still trusting that he will be confident enough to initiate at some point.

That will even leave her some sense of obligation at the back of her mind and she may initiate before the next time you initiate.

If she doesn’t, you’ve decided to make that a non-big deal (engaging and retaining your masculine core and power) and try later.

She will naturally overcompensate for your patience later in the form of hot sex when she is ready to receive you back to back.

In this next lesson, I will reveal how this works in detail…

So be sure to like and subscribe for your best chances of getting notified when that video goes live.

Let’s continue to read…

He continues…

“We’ve tried to slowly reinitiate things, particularly when I’m away for work. 

We’ve tried to send a few exciting spontaneous messages here and there. 

We’ve started using an app where you essentially ‘match’ fetishes or sexual ideas with your partner

(i.e. only notified if they like the same thing as you, it’s pretty cool.) 

At one point, she even bought a new toy while I was away,

and kind of awkwardly apologized that it was a toy just for her and wouldn’t really be all that fun to use together. 

I was stoked and said she never needs to apologise for that! I thought this might’ve been the catalyst we needed. 

Fast forward the entire 2 months we were apart, and she hadn’t used it once.“

Reason #2 – “We” Don’t Seduce

There is so much “we” this and “we” that and it leaves me to wonder,

who is the seducer in this equation if what you want is more sex?

If you compete in feminine energy with your lady, it kills sexual polarity.  

What you are suffering from is partly low libido due to childbirth causing lower attraction in your marriage which is temporary.

This is not abnormal; we’ve been through the same thing.

It’s a process to get out of the limbo but it can be a faster process when you engage your seduction power which starts way before the bedroom.

Seduce more, initiate less and watch better sex come back into your marriage.

Let’s continue to read…

He continues…

“Occasionally we eventually have a really difficult but healthy conversation about our sex life,

and we walk away feeling great for it…but nothing really changes.

For the past 12 months or so, we go through a bit of a regular cycle. 

I try to initiate things at a pretty low level to rekindle a bit of excitement. 

It gets shot down over a period of 2-3 weeks, and my anxiety slowly escalates. 

I ruminate on the past fortnight, and the past 2 years and get frustrated. 

My mood dives, my wife asks what’s wrong, we have a bit of a chat (about all the same old things),

have a bit of intimacy (although, not sex) 

And I feel like she walks away relieved that she’s hit “reset”

and can now hopefully go another 2 or 3 weeks without needing to be intimate with me. 

Reason #1 – You Talk Her Out Of Wanting Sex

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

As you’ve probably realized, the more you talk about this, the less sex you are having.

By now, you are just predictable; the mood patterns and swings are probably predictable AF.

Talking so much in the name of conversations in an attempt to increase intimacy is feminine energy.

When she’s asking you what’s wrong, she wasn’t faking it. 

It’s a way for her to protect your household when it seems like you are falling apart as the masculine core in the relationship.

While that’s very nice of her, it’s killing sexual polarity even further.

So that’s not where you want your lady. 

You want her to be able to count on you even in the midst of this crisis

and that’s part of the process of seducing her back into crazy intimate sessions.

Rejection breeds obsession so you are not abnormal but this is how to rise above the norm

as opposed to using blame, guilt, condemnation and judgment to make matters worse.

To learn even more about rebuilding sexual attraction back into your marriage, check out the featured video on the screen.

When to Give Up On Separation 💔 Average Length & Rebuilding Attraction

In this lesson, we want to talk about when or what is the average length of separation

before reconciliation and how to rebuild attraction during separation.

While there are studies that show an average of 2 years in this zone, there is more to this.

We are also leveraging the story of a guy’s submission of how his wife wants to pursue separation even though he is willing to die to avoid this.

My wife wants to pursue a separation.

My wife and I got married in May 2019 (a little over 2 years) and we’ve been together for five years. 

My in-laws (whom) I have a very good relationship with)

renovated their basement to an apartment for us so we can save on rent

and so my wife can have emotional support since Covid lockdowns forced her to work from home and be isolated.

Prior to moving to her parent’s basement, we had an incident last December 2020

where our separate issues during the lockdown basically just erupted. 

Her’s is the loss of purpose (as her job changed drastically), the isolation, and just overall anxiety. 

With me, I’m a frontline retail worker, had the option to be furloughed,

but decided to work anyways for job security to make sure we meet rent and other basic necessities. 

I thought I was doing better than her since I can still function at work but in reality,

I’ve been super stressed and scared of getting sick everyday that made me emotionally shut-off without me even noticing.

I started doing therapy to make sure I can be a better husband for her cause I don’t want us to have the same problems again. 

We then moved to her parent’s basement around a couple of months ago

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even though it’s a longer commute for me to work (1.5 to 2 hours),

I didn’t mind because I know it’s what’s best for her.

We haven’t been fighting a lot lately so I thought we were fine, and if we do,

it’s just usually about the same thing so in a way it gave me comfort to know that we don’t have a lot of problems. 

The theme of the fight is about me asking for her time and attention

since she’s been focusing more on her online female empowerment group

(which I’m not against and am actually very supportive of) and her other online friends (that I’m also not against). 

She found support from them especially since months before the December incident happened

but now I feel like she spends more time with them than me even though I’m now more open to be there for her.

Fast forward to last week, I came home and she left me a note saying she loves me

but she can’t be my wife anymore.. and that she wants to pursue a separation. 

We had a fight the night before about the same issue but I also acknowledged that it’s just me being anxious and I really just miss her.

She took her clothes and moved most of her personal stuff upstairs to her parent’s. 

I felt like I didn’t have a choice but to move out and go to my parent’s. 

We still talk sometimes through texts and she told me

she’s been having the same issues for 10 months now and that totally caught me off guard. 

I’m willing to do anything for her. 

To make her happy. 

To make sure she’s ok. 

And that includes me working on myself more. 

It sucks that I still can’t quite understand why we have to be apart and honestly,

I’m scared of the future cause I really don’t want to lose her.

She told me she doesn’t have any plans beyond healing but I’m not really sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

I feel like I’m going crazy because I thought I was doing my best to show her that I care and love her but for some reason,

she decided that this is what we need.

My name is LOLA and I am the co-author of the book

GET MY MARRIAGE BACK 

…with my husband OLA

…which you can download for free at:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

You will also see an opportunity to book a coaching session with us. 

This is OLA… Let’s Get Into The Response

TRENDING: “How Do You Tell If Your Wife STILL LOVES YOU After SEPARATION?”

I am so sorry to read what you are going through.

Now let’s talk about navigating your life (most importantly) out of this funk.

This is a very good time (a rock bottom) to build a better and stronger foundation for your love life.

5 years is a long time enough to have some positive memories

she can reflect on provided you give her that space and time she asked for.

Trust me, you need that space more for yourself because the attraction (or maybe obsession) you are feeling right now is a direct effect of rejection.

A woman that doesn’t respect you cannot love you… that’s just how a typical woman is. 

Never mind what she said at the altar.

They reciprocate love as respect, trust and submission.

Your in-laws’ basement probably did not help to create room for her to respect you or your union.  

And the fact that she needed this additional emotional support was probably a good signal…

that she couldn’t trust and submit to your union as well.

So that would represent wrong timing to be needy with her for you to maintain your emotional stability.

Don’t feel bad; it’s not your fault.

In the next lesson, we will talk more about what emotional stability displays as in reality. 

So be sure to like and subscribe for your best chances of getting notified when that video goes live.

Let me give you some game. 

Please avoid receiving this as judgment. 

The world actually doesn’t care unfortunately.

Instead of you moving in with her (which tells me you probably became a pushover),

you were probably better off allowing her to go spend some time with her family.

As a man, you should always maintain a certain level of core assurance, and plan for your own life; something for a woman to follow.

If she’s not comfortable following your lead, she probably doesn’t belong with you at least for now.

So there were a lot of things you said that were signals that she didn’t get into this space overnight.

Therefore if you are patient and self-sustainable,

she probably will have a hard time letting go of you with a flip of a switch.

But she will turn you off permanently from her life if you keep up with the “needy” behavior (asking for her time and attention).

Women are like cats. 

You have to let them go and come as they please especially in the modern age if you’ve chosen to be with a modern woman

You have to have faith that the streets don’t love anybody like that and she will come back if she belongs there… if you chose to want her.

Her family and online female empowerment group cannot love her romantically.

But she may not know that until she tests it out and then willingly comes back to submit to your mission if you are still available.

From the look of things, it seems that she felt smothered for a while even though that wasn’t your intention.

In romantic relationships, intentions are overrated and “trust in good intentions” alone is causing many people pain; unrealistic expectations.  

How your love expression is received is a big part of the total outcome.  

You were oblivious, became complacent and I want you to know that it happens to the best of us.

Let her go!  

Give her space and time and be generous with it.

After consistent 90 days and simultaneously working on yourself,

if she hasn’t reached out, consider the marriage to be over and try to be okay with that.

It doesn’t mean you can get back together but it increases the chances of that happening.

Start seeing and hanging out with other people responsibly…

it’s good for your self esteem which is attractive to a typical woman.

By being okay with that, you will dramatically increase the chance that it is not over…

but don’t hold your breath.

She checked out. 

She needs to earn you back. 

Don’t sell yourself so cheap.

Your love life may not be a joke but it’s a game you should learn how to play so you don’t get played ever again.

It’s an attraction issue. 

It is not a right and wrong issue.

Stop apologizing for loving her. 

If she doesn’t want it, she doesn’t deserve it. 

Make it nothing against or about her but everything for your self respect.

Most men get caught off guard.   

That’s why you are the man.  Don’t try to compete with her at any level. 

You were busy being a man. Make it okay for her to be a woman even in these trying times.  

The easiest route is to point fingers at her especially with the help of outsiders who do not have the emotional intelligence.

“Babe. Take your time. 

Let me know when you change your mind and want to work on it.”

If you get angry with her, that resentment will lead to you self-destructing.  

You have options that you can start exercising if necessary in 90 days … responsibly.

When you are willing to do anything for someone who doesn’t want you,

it’s needy behavior because that’s how she is receiving it.

It’s unattractive. 

The brain works backwards against common sense.

It will only push her further away from you.

You can’t make her happy and she can’t make you happy. 

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

Learn how to make yourself happy and allow her to choose to be attracted to that in time if you are still available.

Because remember you have options, at least half-a-billion other beautiful ladies who will happily enjoy attention from you (a.k.a attention for you).

Like a typical woman, she can smell that you are scared of the future without her and that’s scaring the crap out of her directly. 

She is not abnormal. 

She is a typical woman.

It’s too much weight for her to carry.  

If you love and want her, you have to be okay with that.

You have to love her in a way that she feels free and that attracts her

or the right love to you beyond what you want.

If she doesn’t have a plan of permanently moving on,

that’s the feminine energy crying out for a masculine energy to fit right into. 

Leaving her alone is the masculine energy she is probably not used to…

making it okay for her not to be sure of herself.

When you combine that with the good memories you have hopefully had with her in the past years, she would never find anything better in the streets.

And whoever finds you after learning such a skill will be a very lucky woman.  

It’s a win-win for you regardless.

Believe what she has decided now and leverage it for massive greatness.

To learn even more about how to rebuild attraction in separation, check out the featured video on the screen.

5 Physical Attraction Signs A Happy Partner Will Show 💔

To be clear, we are not talking about physical features like brown or blue eyes, big bum and so on and so forth.

We are talking about behavioral signals a partner will show or do physically when they are attracted to you sexually.

When my husband and I started dating back in 2004, we clicked in so many ways but one obvious way was the sexual attraction.

He held my hands at every chance he got starting from the first date.

But as soon as we got married, things changed and it was confusing.

I was still sexually attracted to him and he continued to show signs that he was.

But I started to question the authenticity of the attraction signals because it was conflicting with how I felt I was being treated.

So what we are going to share with you are just physical signs of sexual attraction… but not necessarily the health of the underlying relationship of your marriage.

My name is LOLA and I am the co-author of the book

GET MY MARRIAGE BACK with my husband OLA

…which you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

You will also see an opportunity to book a free 30 minutes coaching session with us.

Let’s go, husband.

This is OLA.

Let’s dive right into it.

Sign #5 – Patience & Time

PREVIOUS POST: The Secret To Respect in Marriage 💔

The greatest gift anyone can give to you is time. 

But it’s even greater when they are willing to be patient with you but here is the mistake that most people in a marriage make.

They move as if their partner owes them something but reality tells us otherwise when betrayal happens.

So one of the greatest signs that your partner is probably physically attracted to you is an obvious willingness to share their time with you.

Sometimes, that’s in the form of patience.

Sign #4 – Can’t Stop Smiling

When attraction increases, the chemicals such as oxytocin and dopamine rises in level.

Physically, this can be reflected in how your partner smiles at every chance they get around you.

I know what you are thinking.

Your spouse could be smiling for many other reasons right?

While that may be true, smiling is a form of vulnerability and it goes a long way when your partner feels free to smile in your presence on a consistent basis.

Believe it or not, this is a sign of physical attraction because sex in general starts way before the bedroom.

Sign #3 – Consistent Gifts of Value

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I know. Everyone’s love language is not necessarily “giving gifts”. 

But as usual, we are taking the 5 love languages out of context.

The point we are making here is the simple fact that gifts can also come in intangible forms.

When a person is consistently willing to give (even if it’s just emotionally) into a relationship with you, that becomes a clear physical sign of attraction.

Consistency never happens without a larger than life purpose behind it.

But it’s in layers as well.

However the first layer is the fact that consistent gifts is a physical sign of high sexual and polar attraction between two consenting adults.

In the next lesson, we are going to talk about the secret to consistent high attraction in your marriage.

So be sure to like, subscribe and comment for the highest chance of getting notified when we release that lesson.

Sign #2 – Long Conversations About Nothing

Ok. Not necessarily about nothing. But the fact that your conversations with the person you love don’t feel like conversations about nothing is the point.

The real test is the opinions of others about these conversations.  

If you are self aware enough, you could also imagine observing another couple who can sit down and talk for no reason without it being a toxic argument camouflaged as a debate.

Another litmus test is to consider how many other people do you have these long conversations with?

The bottom line is that you have to feel a certain level of security and vulnerability to be having long conversations consistently with the same person.

It is a sign of physical attraction especially when combined with two of the other signs.

Sign #1 – The PDA

PDA stands for public display of affection such as hand holding, cuddling, flirting, pecks and kisses even in public among the gathering of others.

When people are committed in a marriage, they can still show affection even long beyond feeling sexy as a respect to the sanctity of marriage.

But they are very quick to discard the PDA.  So if there is still PDA, that is a sign of physical attraction.

The Main Lesson

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

This is not an exhaustive competitive list of signs..

But they are the bare minimum one should expect from a couple who are still physically and sexually attracted to each other.

Sometimes, one person may generally not be the affectionate type. But that’s essentially what was bargained for by the other.

Use these 5 signs as a yardstick with respect to what you already know about your spouse.

Blushing, cuddling, flirting, looking into each others’ eyes, hand holding, spanking her bum in the kitchen while she’s cooking and many more are all part of it.

But these are only good when they are mutual, earned and appreciated.

Anything short of that will become manipulation and will smother the other party and push them further away.

If you are unsure about the level of physical attraction of your spouse towards you…

… (likely to be the reason why you are receiving this lesson), you need to learn how to seduce your partner first if you don’t want to come off as awkward.

Check out the video on the screen to learn more about the other nuances of seduction and attraction in a marriage.

My Wife Loves Me But Doesn’t Desire Me 💔

You are about to discover what to do if all signals indicate that the wife you married doesn’t desire you anymore even though she claims she loves you.

What a confusion right?

Are women crazy? 

How do you love a husband you don’t desire?

If you’ve asked these questions, it’s little to no wonder.

I also used to hear my husband tell me he loved me but simultaneously,

I felt undesired when he revealed certain behaviors.

To be honest, I didn’t know any better either so I went in the easiest direction. I stacked up resentments.

My name is LOLA and I am the co-author of the book

GET MY MARRIAGE BACK with my husband OLA

…which you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

You will also see an opportunity to book a coaching session with us.

Quick housekeeping…

as soon as we say anything that makes sense to you,

hit that “like” button and subscribe to the channel if you haven’t.

Without any further ado, here is my husband.

This is OLA

I was on the receiving end of those resentments she mentioned earlier and it was not fun as you can probably imagine.

We got married and I flipped my legs on the table and just relaxed like most new husbands.

After all, we are now committed to each other for life. 

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What else is there to worry about? So I thought or acted at least.

It’s called complacency and we all do it in one shape, form or the other.  

The truth is that I truly loved my wife and my family even back then but that didn’t stop me from being complacent.

Here is the first thing you should know.

On the other end of being complacent is a person you love who may be feeling undesired by you even if you don’t mean to.

And you know what they say about hurt-people. They hurt people right?

That’s right. But I didn’t plan out how I was going to hurt you back.

It was more-so about two people who entered a whole marriage to wing things along.

I know what you are thinking.

Why didn’t we vet properly and go through premarital counseling?

Not only did we engage in some premarital counseling,

we actually dated and were in a committed relationship for 3 years before we went to the altar.  

Here is what we know today after reviewing, consulting and coaching many people in modern marriages .

People that say “I do” don’t know what they are doing because they couldn’t possibly know.

When you haven’t experienced marriage,

you are in a completely different context and it is what it is.

So when I complained about a few things a few times only to get undesirable responses from my husband,

I continued to feel more unsafe to express myself.

The resentments started to build up naturally.

It is in fact true that unexpressed expectations turn to resentments.

It is paramount that you give your partner freedom to express their expectations and the key is to not take those expectations personally.

In the next video, we discuss how to manage expectations in your marriage because unmanaged expectations are actually worse than unexpressed expectations.

We Got This Comment, 

“My Wife Says She Loves Me But I Don’t Feel it”

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Have you ever felt that way?

After our relationship deteriorated so badly, I was still pretty much oblivious.  

To me it wasn’t that difficult.  I just want my wife to want me and it was weird to me that she didn’t get it.

Before I knew it, I started creating room in my life for the idea of entertaining attention that was being deprived on the sidelines.

We never stopped proclaiming our love for each other verbally but I didn’t feel it. 

As a man, I simply normalized it because I grew up with Uncles who had and exercised options when it comes to women; married or not.

Like most men…

*I thought about sexual attraction.

*I wondered why you avoided intimacy and I couldn’t touch you anymore.

*I resented the audacity of committing and not showing up to our marriage.

So of course over time, the disconnection reflected occasionally in my energy and at one point, my wife verbally gave up on us.

The Main Lesson

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That rock bottom helped me discover the secret. 

A certain type of love required for all marriages is a choice.

However, desire, affection, and attraction are symptoms of a certain consistent way of showing up in your marriage as a man.

A typical wife has a lot on her plate and simply doesn’t get to decide if they want to desire you or not.

Think about it.

In the beginning of your love affair, your wife desired you without knowing enough about you.

Though it wasn’t controlled, it was an attraction.

So we can agree that desire in a marriage is not some logical decision.

At least, that’s not reality.

But it can absolutely be reverse-engineered especially with the history of desire that used to exist between the two of you. 

We know it can happen again but it’s easier said than done.

With proper support it’s absolutely possible because we are a testimony.

But you will have to engage your power and it’s impossible when you are playing the victim.

Check out the next video on the screen for more information about that.