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“My WIFE WANTS A DIVORCE How Can I CHANGE HER MIND?” – 5 tips

Question: “My wife wants a divorce how can I change her mind?” – 5 tips

I want to share 5 tips with you on getting the best chance to change her mind.

You know, at the end of the day, it’s not a 100% chance.

It’s never gonna be a 100% chance that you would change your mind.

But if you follow these 5 tips I’m about to share with you, you would dramatically increase the chances that she would change her mind.

Before I get into the 5 tips, there’s a quick story I want to share with you.

Just some few weeks ago, I was watching a review of a podcast that Lola and I were on as a guest.

There was a review.

We happen to make the top 5 of the podcast episodes on that podcast,

…and the husband and the wife, who is also a family friend, Bola and Mac were talking about the divorce that my wife asked for some years back.

And the husband was like, “I don’t think they put that out there like”,

…then the wife was like, “No”.

We did and the truth is that yes, we have spoken about our divorce.

We have mentioned it, and we in fact talked elaborately about it in the book, you can get the book for free at GetMyMarriageBack.com.

We talked elaborately about that in our book, on many videos and I’m about to talk about it again right now.

The truth of the matter is that we have spoken about our divorce and we have to talk about the divorce because,

…what a lot of people do with marriage and divorce is that it becomes like a big demon in their lives and their relationship, and then it eats up the relationship.

And when you don’t have a relationship, essentially, you don’t have a marriage because marriage is just the institution, that’s the paper stuff.

But there’s an underlying relationship that happens before you can even have a healthy marriage.

That’s why I wanted to share these,

My wife wants a divorce, how can I change her mind? – 5 tips, with you really quickly.

PREVIOUS POST: “How To APOLOGIZE To Your WIFE” – 7 Tips

Tip #1

You can’t change her mind, but your next moves will influence her final decision.

See, at the end of the day, we’re human beings.

We’re social beings and we are relating with each other on how safe we feel around each other.

And because of that, we do influence our own decisions.

Like the people around you, you know, you’ve heard that saying before,

… the top 5 people around you influence your decisions.

They influence your life, they influence the outcome of your life and so also is your marriage and your relationship.

That’s true for your marriage and your relationships as well.

Even though you can’t particularly change her mind, your next moves,

So I’m about to share 4 more tips on, My wife wants a divorce, how can I change her mind?

Your next moves will influence her final decision.

So let’s go on to,

Tip #2

Don’t put divorce on the pedestal.

Don’t make divorce a big of a deal than it is already.

Don’t make it a big of a deal than it is

It’s just divorce.

It just means somebody decides that they don’t wanna be a part of your life.

But it’s a decision that people can change their mind all the time.

So if you stick to Tip #1 like I said earlier,

Yes, she can change your mind based on the moves you’re gonna make.

Then again, don’t make divorce a big of a deal than it is.

It’s just at least in that moment in time, she hasn’t filed divorce yet.

It is just a decision, it is just “hey, I’m gonna ask for divorce”,it’s just a decision that can be changed.

Let me even tell you how good this is.

Even if she’s already filed for the divorce.

This was something that I learned that made it super easy for me to attract my wife back.

She had actually filed divorce before we got back together and the good news is that,

…the thing is that I had stumbled into stories of people that had filed divorce five years and they’ve been divorced for five years, they got back together.

I know people that have been divorced for a whole decade but they still got back together.

So if I know that all these possibilities are in place, the last thing I wanted to do was to put divorce on a pedestal.

Divorce is not as much of a big deal that people would like to make it seem.

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You know, a lot of religious people make divorce a big deal when they go to that part of the Bible where it says “God hates divorce”.

Think about the effect of that phrase on your mind.

It’s like, “Oh, God forbid”

No, don’t do that.

Don’t put divorce on a pedestal.

God hates divorce, okay good but it’s a reality a lot of times.

Don’t make it a big deal.

The big deal here is the relationship you have with your wife.

You need to work on that.

That is faulty, and that’s the underlying reason why she’s asking for divorce.

Asking for divorce is a symptom you want to come back to the underlying reason.

What is the cause?

You’re worried about the effect, but let’s talk about the cause.

The cause is where you should be focused on.

In that same talking, I’m gonna give you

Tip #3

Don’t put marriage on a pedestal.

Marriage is cute and it’s beautiful when it’s nice but if you have a terrible relationship as the underlying structure of your marriage,

What’s the point?

So don’t put marriage on a pedestal.

I’d rather you focus on the relationship you have with your wife, than focusing on “God forbid, I don’t want the marriage to end”.

If you don’t want the marriage to end, that energy that you’re carrying around is gonna push your wife even further away.

Tip #4

Focus 100% on building yourself.

So not even the relationship, building yourself till you attract the love you desire.

And let me just add this, that you deserve.

If you focus on yourself, you will attract the appropriate type of love and it’s kind of easier if she’s already your wife.

She’s not gonna wanna let you go if you work on yourself and that’s a thought to show in your behaviors.

She’s not gonna wanna let you go.

So what you need to focus on 100% is building yourself.

There’s something about you that’s making you do the opposite of attracting your wife.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

Focus on that.

Work on that.

Don’t worry about changing her mind.

Worry about building yourself.

Tip #5

Be okay with the possibility of never attracting her again.

You see, there are forces beyond what you can see.

Especially when you’re dealing with relationships.

It’s a very spiritual thing.

So a lot of time you may think you want your wife back.

Maybe that’s not the case.

Maybe it’s just a matter of obsession that’s basically born out of the rejection.

Rejection breeds obsession.

So you may just not be able to see that clearly right now.

That’s why 100% of your focus needs to go into building yourself.

Because if she doesn’t belong in being your wife,

In that position of being your wife, she doesn’t need to be there.

But you may not be able to see that yet, because again you’re feeling obsessed.

You’re obsessed because of the rejection.

So again those are the 5 tips for, My wife wants a divorce, how can I change her mind?

if this is the right person for you, you will attract her back into a better and healthier relationship,

…which is also a better and healthier marriage if you just focus on yourself.

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“How To APOLOGIZE To Your WIFE” – 7 Tips

Question: “How To APOLOGIZE To Your WIFE” – 7 Tips

You’ve offended your wife.

Things have happened.

Her feelings are hurt and you wanna apologize to your wife?

It could be anything from as simple as you hurt her feelings, you’re dismissive, you argue too much to infidelity.

Like something terribly bad.

Some kind of betrayal, betrayal of trust.

You know, whatever it is that’s going on.

There is some kind of crisis going on in your marriage and you feel the need to apologize to your wife right now.

Before I get into the 7 tips, there’s a quick story I want to show with you.

There’s a guy, a popular musician in Nigeria called Nice.

Basically he came out on the scene, some few weeks ago and he recorded a video, some two minutes video apologizing to his wife.

Then asking all 300,000 of his followers to help him apologize to his wife and then asked people to tag his wife.

He actually put the Instagram handle and asked people to tag his wife and help him apologize because he did something terrible.

And then we came to find out that what he did was that he cheated on his wife.

It’s actually a viral video that was floating all over the place of him serenading, grabbing the breast of another girl, a side chick if you will.

I guess that video came out and the wife is now shut down and I think, left the house and things like that.

Now, as soon as I saw that video, I knew that that was a wrong move.

PREVIOUS POST: “Am I VERBALLY ABUSIVE To My Wife” – 5 Tips

And why is that the wrong move?

I’m gonna share 7 tips with you and in these 7 tips, you would know that that’s in fact the wrong move.

It’s actually a work against him, his relationship and marriage more than do any kind of favor.

Now a lot of people, especially even ladies, saw that and they thought that was romantic.

You hear people saying “it’s very rare to see a man that will actually admit they’re wrong and actually apologize”

While there may be some truth to that, that move of shooting the video, adding background music and apologizing to your wife publicly is the wrong move.

Why?

Tip #1

Never tender apologies after a betrayal (especially publicly), without taking the time to do the work.

So think about it,

if you are tendering an apology, your wife just found out that you offended her.

There is the need to fix things immediately, but that immediate need to fix things is emotional.

It’s purely emotional and you haven’t done any work.

It’s reactional.

You’re just reacting to the idea that you may have hurt your wife or that you hurt your wife.

Anytime you react in that way without putting proper thoughts behind it, a.k.a. the work behind the scenes,

It’s gonna work against you.

Your apology, in fact, is probably not authentic because again, you haven’t really processed what just happened.

You haven’t processed how you may have been wrong.

Your wife told you you’re wrong, maybe you’re not exactly wrong.

Maybe it’s not about right and wrong.

Maybe you’re wrong.

Whichever one it is, you haven’t taken the time to work on yourself.

So any kind of apology you tender is in fact fake and is more of a response than it is an authentic apology.

Tip #2

The best apology is always 100% changed behavior.

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Again, changed behavior does not happen overnight.

It’s not gonna happen because your wife caught you.

So that’s when you see people say, “Are you apologizing before, because you’re caught? or because you’re actually truly remorseful?”.

It is almost impossible to be remorseful when you get caught like that, because again, you haven’t processed it.

Tip #3

Most people who tender apology are doing so as a form of quick fix, and your victim (especially ladies), can smell a bad apology from thousands of miles away.

I think we’re just going in circles now.

It’s the same thing.

It’s a quick fix.

Apology that represents more of a quick fix will hurt your relationship, it will make the other person feel manipulated more than it to actually help anything.

Tip #4

You can have good intentions and still tender a bad apology.

Yes, your intentions are good.

You really want to just fix things.

You just want her to feel better, but she’s not gonna feel better..

Again, because you haven’t allowed her time to process what just happened,

…you haven’t processed what just happened.

All that happened is that you got caught.

Take the time off.

Relax.

So I understand that you feel bad, but feeling bad is not a changed behavior.

Like I said in tip #2, it’s not a changed behavior.

Good intention is not the same thing as good apology.

Good intention is not the same thing as changed behavior.

A changed behavior, when we’re talking about behavior, we’re not talking about habits and to change habits will take work.

In fact, an average habit takes 90 days of intense work on yourself before you can actually change a habit and behavior.

Tip #5

If you truly will change your behavior sustainably, If you want a lasting change of behavior, the change will be a function of time and patience.

It takes time and patience.

You can’t possibly be apologizing and think that your apology is authentic because you got caught.

You got caught, you feel bad is different from you feeling authentically remorseful.

You haven’t processed it.

In fact, you may have some resentments in yourself, but because your wife has rejected you right now, you just wanna be very quick to apologize.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that.

Tip #6

Public apologies only create more embarrassment for the victims.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

Especially when we’re talking about a celebrity.

But honestly, across board public apologies are just terrible.

They embarrass the victim a lot more than it actually makes them feel better because again they feel some type of embarrassment.

They are a little bit ashamed of what just happened but now you’re making it public,

…you’re not helping things.

That’s another reason why it must be a function of time and patience.

Because if you took the time, you would have thought that all the way through that “Hey, I know I have offended her but the worst thing that can do right now is to embarrass her even further”.

So you don’t want to do that.

Tip #7

Tender apology only after taking some time to process whatever happened,

Take the time.

It must be a function of time and patience.

But there’s an exception.

If your victim expresses an explicit request for an apology, if they’re saying “you owe me an apology”.

If you feel like you’ve offended them, then basically they’ve processed it enough to say, “Hey, you owe me an apology”.

You can say “I apologize”, keep it simple.

You don’t need to do that over and over again.

Again, the best thing you can do is take the time and patience and do the work that you need to do on changing the behavior and the habits.

If you’re not ready to do that, your apology is only gonna create more toxicity in your relationship or in your marriage.

It’s only gonna make things worse.

And you’re gonna build more resentments for every time you offend that same person in the same way, over and over again.

The resentment is just gonna get worse and worse.

So that’s how to apologize to your wife.

Time and patience.

Take the time and patience to work on yourself and work on changed behavior.

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“Am I VERBALLY ABUSIVE To My Wife” – 5 Tips

Question: “Am I VERBALLY ABUSIVE To My Wife” – 5 Tips

There are 5 tips I want to share with you to determine the answer to that question,

But before I get into that, there is a quick story that I wanna tell you.

I came across a video on YouTube by a gentleman called Kevin Samuels and apparently,

…he basically advised young ladies, single ladies, people about relationships and stuff like that and that’s cool.

I think we still need more people, helping people like that.

We see much more of negative videos with regards to relationships that people find more entertaining that actually ends up hurting their relationships.

I’m talking about reality TV shows and things like that.

So any time I see somebody helping people with learning how relationships work, that’s fine.

But I encountered the viral video from him where he was literally going in and bashing this lady heavily.

He was very rude.

A lot of time people engage in the blunt language, they talk about or they speak blunt.

As a matter of fact, I was on a social media platform in the past few days, called Clubhouse,

…and I heard quite a few people who were thinking that the way to have a healthy relationship is communication.

I’m not disputing that it’s communication, but what most people consider communication is just talking and being blunt,

or “setting the expectation” or “setting the intentions”.

These are things that kill attraction if you have overdosed of those things.

So with that being said, Am I verbally abusive to my wife?

PREVIOUS POST: “Can PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE Husbands CHANGE?” – 7 tips

There’s a good chance that you are feeling like you’ve been communicating,

…and in fact, you’ve been killing the vibe, killing the relationship with your wife by being the “communicator”, basically the talkative of the relationship.

Believe me when I tell you this, I am the one that’s considered.

I don’t think so, but I’m the one that’s considered, at least by my wife to be the one that talks the most in our relationship, in my marriage.

What I find is that it really doesn’t matter if I feel like I’m not the talkative.

If it doesn’t matter if I feel like I am not the talker, what matters is…

Tip #1- It’s her opinion.

If she feels like you’re verbally abusive, that’s as valid as it gets.

The feelings have to be validated.

You have to validate those feelings by paying attention to it and see how you can adjust things,

Because the feelings are powerful enough to determine the direction of your relationship with your wife.

so Tip#1 – It’s her opinion.

You have to listen to it even if you disagree with it, you have to pay attention to it and see what she’s trying to say.

See what kind of action you have been taking that makes her feel like you’re talking too much or verbally abusive.

If you do that, it doesn’t mean you are agreeing that you are verbally abusive,

…it just means you’re paying attention to whatever she is interpreting as verbal abuse and then you can fix that.

You can adjust a pivot, if you will accordingly because at the end of the day you care about the relationship.

That’s why you are asking, Am I verbally abusive to my wife?

She must have been saying it.

Tip #2 – You need a full tank of patience.

I was talking about Kevin Samuels earlier, towards the end of that viral video, he actually lost his cool and hung up on the lady.

And I know this is not his wife, but in my opinion, if you are going to win in your relationship with your wife, you have to treat ladies in general with a certain level of respect and patience.

Much more importantly, the patience.

You can’t lose your cool, if you lose your cool,

…you can at least say “if you don’t mind, let me take care of some business and we’ll come back to this conversation later“.

You have to be polite with the way you dismiss the situation, even if you have to dismiss the situation.

Sometimes it’s true that you have to dismiss the conversation because it’s just not getting anywhere.

But you wanna be polite, you don’t wanna be dismissive about it.

Particularly you don’t want them to feel like you dismiss them.

This is something I’m personally still working on.

Sometimes I just don’t want the toxic argument and I come off as dismissive.

It’s an art, it’s not an exact science.

Something you have to learn with respect to the particular person you’re dealing with and their personality.

Tip #2 – You wanna make sure you engage these conversations with a full tank of patience.

Infinite patience.

You can’t lose your cool.

Tip #3 – Engage active listening.

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If she says you’re verbally abusive,

Well, the first quick step to really, really leaving that in the but is, stop talking.

Stop talking so much even if it’s, you are correcting.

There’s a lot of people that just have good intentions, they just want to correct something.

And it comes off as verbally abusive and controlling.

Remember tip #1, if it comes off as abusive, controlling and manipulative,

then it is what it is because it’s a relationship, and just 50% is all you need to make that a full blown opinion that would control the dynamics and the direction of your relationship.

So instead of talking so much, don’t just shut up because that would be dismissive,

Engage active listening.

And I would say, repeat what she’s saying back to her and ask her to tell you more.

Tip #4 – Abuse is very likely unintentional.

There’s a lot of abuse going on in relationships and marriages, and they’re just unintentional, like nobody comes into a marriage to want to be abusive.

But sometimes when we lose our cool or the way we conduct ourselves in the middle of a crisis,

…we’ll come off as abusive to the other person but keep in mind, there’s a crisis going on.

What you will find in a lot of relationships and marriages out here is that people are basically engaging.

How do I say this?

People are engaging their wife and then they end up with a crisis,

When you call it a crisis and everybody has lost their cool or there’s an active argument and fighting.

Bickering going on, then clearly nothing is intentional.

Everything is reactive and that’s not what you wanna do.

Tip #5 – Reverse engineer corrections into her idea.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

Like I said earlier, a lot of times the intention is to correct something that you feel like maybe wrong.

But your intentions are overrated.

Your intentions, in fact your action is being received as verbally abusive.

And if it’s been received by 50% of the relationship as verbally abusive,

…it is, in fact, unfortunately I have to tell you, that’s verbal abuse.

At least for now because remember it’s the feeling that counts if they feel like it is verbally abusive, it is verbally abusive.

So instead of trying to correct, instead of engaging in,

I just gotta be blunt and correct you as it comes.

Instead of doing that,why don’t you….

This is a marriage, this is a relationship.

You need to find ways to reverse engineer your corrections into her idea.

So how do you do that?

This is a very big topic.

You need to learn how to ask quality questions.

There are questions that you will ask and you think they’re quality.

I’m guilty of this,and they’re actually coming off as manipulative and they’re coming off as condescending.

You want to avoid those types of questions you want to really master the skills of asking quality questions.

So things like “So you’re saying”,

“So are you saying that I come off a little bit abusive?”

“I’m sorry to hear that”.

“I didn’t mean to be abusive”.

“Can you tell me what that looks like when I’m abusive because there’s a good chance I’m not aware that I’m being abusive”.

See, if you talk in that calm manner, if you do that repeatedly, not just one time.

If you start doing it consistently, she will start feeling safer around you.

And then she will also give you a lot more passes even when you’re upset because you’re still a human being.

But right now, the work is gonna be on your part in order to reverse all that verbally abusive negative energy.

You want to reverse that, you have to put in some work and you have to be consistent until she starts feeling safer again,

…but I’m telling you right now, there’s a good chance that you were just being blunt.

That’s why Blunt is a terrible way of communicating in a relationship.

You listening is the best way to communicate.

Less talking is the best way to communicate in the relationship, especially if you’re a man trying to communicate with your wife.

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“Can PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE Husbands CHANGE?” – 7 tips

Question: “Can PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE Husbands CHANGE?” – 7 tips

There are 7 tips that I want to give you that will help you answer that question.

Tip #1:  There is no such thing as absolute in relationships.

There’s no such thing as absolute in human behavior.

What I mean by that is the idea that

“hey, once a cheater, always a cheater”,

“once an abusive person, always an abusive person”,

“once controlling, always controlling”, there’s no such thing.

You know why?

Because people evolve, people grow up, and by the way, the opposite can be true as well.

They can get worse with time if people don’t work on themselves.

Just like people can get worse with time, people can also get better.

Anyone you’ve ever known that’s enjoying a good marriage, a good relationship,

…they’ve been through some things that maybe represent the worst of them in the past.

It may look good right now, but they’ve been to something worse.

So you don’t wanna be in that position where you say “once a cheater, always a cheater”.

However, when people are showing their behavior to you right now, you do want to believe them but that’s just right now.

You also want to keep an open mind always when it comes to relationships.

Tip #2: Change follow pain and pleasure.

So if people are gonna change, if they’re gonna change behavior or habit, there has to be a big purpose behind it.

Sometimes that purpose is represented as a form of pain or some kind of pleasure that’s bigger than whatever benefits they get from the wrong behavior.

Just think of it like this, people change based on consequences.

If there’s a consequence for their behavior, there’s a good chance that would change, especially as a function of time and patience.

But if there’s no consequences, there’s a good chance that they will keep doing the same thing because they obviously get some kind of benefit from behaving that way.

So if that benefit keeps coming and it outweighs the risk, then they will continue that same behavior.

Tip #3: Lasting change is a process; It takes time.

PREVIOUS POST: “Wife Makes NO EFFORT In BED”

If you’re upset with your husband or with your wife, and you feel like, “Hey, they’re abusive” or anything like that,

It’s going to take a process, it’s going to take time.

Even if they’ve decided.

It’s a decision, it starts with the decision, right?

Even if they’ve decided to change, you have to keep an open mind and understand that it’s gonna be a process.

And you do everything in your part to help them move in the direction of the changed behavior.

Tip #4: People do experience growth and evolve.

I think I said that earlier, as part of tip #1.

There is no such thing as absolute people.

Tip #4 People do experience growth and evolve because their outlook on life is changing.

The more experience they gain, the more they see the advantages of going in the direction of a changed behavior.

Especially with respect to a healthy relationship and a marriage.

Tip #5: Old habits do die hard.

This is basically a kind of part of tip #3, when I say it’s gotta be a function of a  process, time and patience, old habits will take time.

For average habits, even simple habits take up to 90 days of intense work of consistency before that person can say, “You know what, this new behavior is becoming a second nature to me”.

So if somebody has been behaving badly, they’re showing some behavior like, for example, 

Physical abuse.

And they are capable of abusing a person physically, that’s gonna take work for them to change.

It may take some kind of rehabilitation for them to change.

So don’t sit there and risk your life and hoping they will change.

No, excuse yourself.

Physically speaking, you have to remove yourself physically and still keep an open mind that they may change.

But you really need to watch closely and see that they’re working on themselves and, in fact, that they’re changing,

…because people don’t just become physically abused.

They’ve been abusive emotionally, verbally before it escalates, and you can see if they’re changing.

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Let’s say, for example, you have kids with them.

They’re changing.

There’s change in their demeanor, in their mannerisms, how they show up, how they carry themselves.

You can see the changes before you start building trust again, 

…but I will say absolutely for your own safety from a physical standpoint, make sure you remove yourself physically and don’t count on,

That they would change like instantly tomorrow.

It’s a bad idea.

Now there’s a reason why I’m sharing these steps with you.

There’s actually a video that went viral from a lady who shot a video.

She got slapped.

There’s a big red plant of hand on her face by her husband.

She got beat up by the husband, and it was such a sad video that you could see the babies in the background saying, “I’m sorry, mommy” and things like that.

But within a day or two, like literally less than 48 hours, the governor of the state “reconcile” both of them and then they’re back together.

That’s a terrible behavior on the governor’s part.

There is no way somebody who is capable of physically abusing another human being can change in 48 hours, 

…without making sure they plugged them in on proper rehabilitation and making sure that they take time apart in order to come back together.

If there is a chance of ever coming back together.

They need to separate first.

It’s going to be a function of time, process and patience.

And it’s not possible that he could change within 24 to 48 hours.

That’s where this lesson is actually coming from.

Tip #6: Change starts with acknowledgement.

If a person is saying,“Hey, you know, I don’t think I was abusive”,

…then they haven’t changed.

Acknowledging is a nice place to start from, but that’s not the work.

“Yes, I was wrong“.

It’s a nice place to start from, but that’s not the work.

The work has to be done.

Tip #7: Change starts with self help.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

So self help, again is a function of time.

It’s a process.

At least 90 days of consistent, intensive work on what are behind the scene things that happen mentally,

…that will make a man raise their hands and assault another human being.

How much more, we’re talking about the wife?

So it takes time, patience and process if anybody is going to change.

But is it possible to change?

Yes, absolutely.

The only absolute here is yes.

They can change, but there’s a keyword, “can change”.

There’s also the odds against that person that they may not change, because again, old habits do die hard.

That’s tip #5.

So if it’s a behavior, if it’s a habit, if they don’t do the work on themselves,

A lot of people, a significant percentage of people never do the work.

That’s why it feels like they never change.

But it is possible to change if they actually go through the work.

And that’s just life.

can physically abusive husbands change

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“Wife Makes NO EFFORT In BED”

Question: “Wife Makes NO EFFORT In BED”

This is a very common issue.

There’s a lot that we need to know, in order to know how to help you if you’re experiencing this problem.

But let me point out a few things that you probably should pay attention to.

A wife not making any efforts in bed is a sign of many things.

It could be a sign of many things.

The last thing that should be in your mind, by the way is,

…is she not interested in you sexually anymore?

That’s the last thing, Is it a possibility?

Yes, it’s a possibility, but it should be the last thing on your mind because keep in mind that,

…before a woman can get into the headspace where they’re making efforts in bed, there’s a lot that has to have happened.

Now, for a man, there are a lot of studies that show that man actively,

…like even if we’re going through the worst things in life, let’s say we lost our job.

Financially we’re not feeling good, we’re not feeling adequate, we’re not feeling fulfilled.

There are many studies that show that, one way we can get over that is to just have sex and we’ll be fine.

But a typical woman doesn’t operate that way.

If things are wrong or things that off in the other aspect of their life,

…they’re not gonna wanna be a part off some kind of sexual activity with you, even regular sex.

How much more asking them to make efforts.

So , wife makes no effort in bed,

that means you’re having sex but she’s not doing anything.

She’s just lying down there and you do your thing and you keep it moving.

I understand you.

If you like me, I like my wife to participate.

I like the idea when my wife is also initiating, participating and also being involved in doing some things but I also enjoyed giving.

Usually a lot of people would try to find a sweet balance or equal balance between two spouses, two partners like now you should be doing equal.

But in real life, it doesn’t work like that.

Life is not perfect, it’s not symmetrical.

It can feel symmetrical if you guys are having fun but it’s not symmetrical.

Meaning it’s not, like equal-equal like that.

The way it works is that, you bring what you have and I bring what I have,

…and then we’re having a good time.

That’s how you started dating, that’s how you fell in love and that’s how you are attracted to each other.

But things have changed, maybe you’re having kids, maybe life has happened, maybe you lost your job or maybe she lost a parent.

Maybe there are things going on personally with her mentally speaking.

The first step you wanna do is make sure you’re doing proper listening.

You need to understand what are the underlying reasons why your wife makes no effort in bed.

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Now, if she’s not having sex at all, then you will be worried about all that.

If she’s just not making any effort, there’s a good chance that the excitement is dissipating.

She lost the excitement, the butterflies that she used to have,

…the excitement, the fact that she used to look forward to that, she has lost all of that.

So, I’m gonna give you a couple of tips to see if you can revive things,

But just keep in mind that whatever you already do right now,

…I’m recommending, make sure it’s the opposite of it because the idea is you wanna bring in some excitement.

And anything that’s old will become boring.

Anything that’s readily available becomes boring.

It’s not just women and men, it’s not just husband and wife is anything in life.

It’s demand and supply.

See how you can do some inventory in your dynamics and your activities during the course of the day.

You may have been just very predictable.

If you’re very predictable, there is a good chance that you’re boring.

Maybe not particularly you, that’s why you don’t want to take it personally but the dynamic of your particular relationship is now boring to her.

You haven’t got that far yet because rejection breeds obsession, you are being rejected right now, so you can’t see that,

…but the relationship itself is probably boring right now.

She caught that signal first before you so now, before you could catch it, you’re feeling rejected and now you’re obsessed.

When I say all of that again, don’t over think that.

Just think of it as some kind of scientific experiment in front of you but you need to bring in some excitement into your relationship.

If you don’t have that, you know she’s not gonna make any extra effort in bed.

You’re lucky if she is still sleeping and just allowing you to do your thing right because that means you can switch things around.

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You could literally say, “hey, let me avoid her tonight. Let me leave her alone”.

Not necessarily avoid but give her some space so she can miss you and invite you back into the situation.

How long should you wait?

Again, that time that you’re taking off is not just to be waiting, that’s not the idea.

The idea is to find other things you could do to spice things up.

You could buy some other things.

There are things you can learn that can excite her.

You could start with a conversation saying,

“what excites you? I was just wondering. I’m curious what excites you. What is exciting to you right now in your life? I know I’m here. Just pretend I’m not here. What is exciting to you, that you would find exciting right now”.

Maybe you’ve never asked that question before, maybe it’s the first time you’re asking that question.

That kind of conversation can stimulate her and all you have to do is listen.

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If you listen to a woman, if a woman feels heard,

…you’ll be able to penetrate every aspect and every part of her life, her body, her soul and her mind.

Does that make sense?

So let me give you the tip again one more time.

Excitement.

There are things that are not exciting right now,

…but you can bring in some excitement by simply asking a provoking question and say,

“Hey, what is exciting right now for you?” or “What would you find exciting right now?”.

That’s like two questions and one already, “What is exciting for you right now?”

And she will be like, “Why do you wanna know?”.

Then you’ll say, “I’m just curious”.

You’ll have a little spark of your face and you’re not asking for sex, you’re not asking for any of those things you’re just having the conversation.

If you do that long enough and she feels heard, you will be able to penetrate her and then she will participate more.

Also, if you wanna introduce anything else into your sexual relationship, then she will have even more opening and listening ears to hear what you have to say without being defensive.

But, you’ll be able to catch the game.

So it’s about having a game of being able to listen.

That’s what it comes down to.