“The WRONG WAY To Take Responsibility”📍 John Gray

Question: “The WRONG WAY To Take Responsibility”

What do you think of Pastor John Gray’s message below?

“…Things and blogs some of them accurate some of it not but all of it, my responsibility. I apologize for putting the name of God in harm’s way and I alone take the responsibility for the actions that harmed and injured God’s sheep. No matter how many pseudo excuses one can hurl in a moment like this for the purposes of self preservation, all of them ring hollow when all that is true…”

I sincerely wish that he would just excuse himself from church like “You know what, let me go get myself together”.

I really wish he didn’t have all these long speeches, it has no meaning.

It just makes him look worse.

He’s saying that he takes responsibility but in the same talking he is saying not everything is accurate like, dude you are talking too much right now.

So the fact that he came and tendered this apology within a week of this news breaking out is a narcissist behavior.

He cares about himself more and what it looks like to the people.

That’s what it is.

But some people say something like, “You use a little piece of fart to mess up all of the apology that’s about to come”.

The part where he said “some of it accurate, some of it not”, that destroyed the apology because he is still being defensive.

That’s the problem.

You know, if you understand anything about emotional energy and how these things work, and the effect of everything you say…

starting from the first letter, it’s a domino effect, so if you say the wrong thing in the beginning you might as well not worry about saying the right things.

Because that one thing was stamped in the head of the person.

So when he said “the blogs some of it accurate”, that means the news that they released to the blog and “some of it not” that destroyed every piece of apology what he is about to give.

That’s the wrong way to take responsibility.

PREVIOUS POST: “Is PHYSICAL A Worse Offense Than EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY?”📍 John Gray

It’s definitely the wrong way to apologize.

If an apology was ever needed, that’s definitely the wrong way to apologize.

And it’s the wrong way to ask for forgiveness because you are still saying it’s their fault.

Even though in that same sentence, in the same breath, you said “I take responsibility for it all”,

…no dude you said in the beginning.

That first thing you said has that much weight because the weight is not based in just one word, the weight is based on the impact that it puts on the particular situation that is going on.

You know, the idea is just supposed to take responsibility but you added some of that responsibility…

you’ve added a blame a little bit.

So you are saying “they are not accurate… I take responsibility”,

No.

You didn’t take responsibility because your action speaks louder than your words.

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Even the body language says that “I just wanna be holy and tell you that it was not my fault. It was the blog’s fault but I am going to pretend that I meant it was my fault but…”

You are confused you should have taken the time, that will be humbling yourself and listening to what just happened.

Clearly you made the mess because you were the one talking on the video, to the side piece.

Yeah… There’s a video, that’s the problem.

You can’t even argue with the video.

It is out there and you can’t come back from that.

Just let it go, take yourself into therapy or whatever you need to do to take care of this situation.

Take care of that.

But you can’t be in the face of people right now.

I wish he just took that time off and said “I need to get out of here”.

For a string of maybe three weeks or something.

So the best and right way to take responsibility, if you’ve offended your wife, which that’s what he should be focused on, not with the church.

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You know what, to hell with the church, he should be focusing with his wife right now because as the saying goes “Charity begins at home”.

If he focuses on his wife and his wife comes back to him in a good peace, people will have no choice but to respect that…

And people can tell by their actions.

If they want they should not respect it but I understand that he has to feed his family.

But there are ways to do that without him.

I’m just saying.

Wife or Husband Denying You Sex? DO THIS!!!

If this happened to you, you are probably feeling rejected and unwanted.

…but you need to understand what just happened deeply and not just on the surface.

The easy thing that most people do is feel like a victim and therefore lose complete control of the situation.

They get defensive, insecure and make their spouse out to be the bad guy or gal who just wants to be cruel.

But it’s deeper than that and you can be in more control than you feel right now; getting angry and defensive will perpetuate the situation.

What can you do when your wife continuously keeps denying you sex? 

When you get sex from her, it’s always after pleading.

The first step is to back off for a while because it is unlikely that she is wanting to punish you.

If that was the case, that would also mean that she is denying herself… doesn’t make sense.

If she wants to have sex with you, she would also be punishing herself in order to punish you.

There is more to what is happening, so as a 2nd step backing off…

find out what is going on emotionally and psychologically.

If you do get sex after pleading ONLY, that also means you are not enjoying the full experience of intimate sex with your spouse.

That’s not healthy because eventually, you may start resenting your spouse.

What should a husband do when his wife refuses to have sex?

STEP 1 – Back up from asking for sex.

STEP 2 – Find out what the underlying issues are using effective listening.

Do wives deny their husbands sex as a form of manipulation?

There are a 2 ideal and simultaneous reasons why wives have sex with with their husbands.

1 – Desire: Wives have sex with a husband they desire sexually; they desire sex and desire the husband sexually.

So using sex to manipulate would also means that they are inflicting pain in themselves.

2 – Gift: It can also represent a form of gift to a person they (you guessed it) DESIRE.

Sex as a duty is not one of the reasons why wives have sex with their husbands.

I understand many religions and cultures around the world have deemed it conjugal rights…

But numerous studies and careful observations have revealed that people enjoy it only when there is free will DESIRE, and that’s regardless of marital status.

By default, “not desiring to have sex with spouse” is usually not relevant to manipulation.

So…

Why would a woman refuse sex from her husband? Why is my wife denying me sex?

It could be due to an array of multiple different reasons like trust, betrayal, medical, emotional and etc … reasons.

Take the time to find out and approach your seduction moves from that angle.

Wife rejection syndrome is real but you may have more strength than you think to not just be patient but seduce her back into your harms; desire is a necessary ingredient.

What does the Bible say about a wife denying her husband?

Here is the what the bible says in ‭‭the book of 1 Corinthians‬ ‭7:3-5‬ ‭

“Then they may have sex with each other in the right way.

A husband should agree to have sex with his wife.

And the wife should do the same thing for her husband.

The wife does not rule over her own body to decide when to have sex.

She belongs to her husband.

In the same way, the husband does not rule over his own body.

He belongs to his wife.

Do not refuse to have sex with each other, unless both of you agree to stop for a short time.

Then you can use more time to pray.

But you should come together again soon, as husband and wife.

If not, Satan may try to make you do something wrong.

You may want too strongly to have sex with someone else.”

This is one of those verses in the bible that needs deeper interpretation than just face-value misogynistic interpretation.

Sure there is a direct instruction, “do not…”

But all those rules fly out the window when you start hearing crazy voices in your head when sex is proposed from a spouse you’ve lost desire for.

So referencing all those bible verses will only come off as manipulative; it will even kill attraction further.

When a man rejects you sexually…

The same rule applies.

The truth is that the dynamics may be slightly different.

But you should pay attention to the “not so obvious” underlying reasons.

Defensiveness, overreaction and neediness will only make matters worse.

How often should a wife please her husband?

She should please her husband every time he wants but just because she should doesn’t mean she would.

And it doesn’t mean, she will or she will be capable of pleasing him.

Why does my wife refuse to be intimate with me?

When she wants to be cruel and wicked… but I am just kidding.

There are many underlying issues under the categories medical and mental that can make your wife refuse to be intimate with you.

The first step is to find out what the underlying issues are; that process requires patience.

Why am I not enough sexually for my husband?

There is an assumption of guilt there but it probably has very little to do with you.

Likewise, it won’t be wise to assume context as it would matter in determining the right strategy to attract your husband again.

Is it Wise to Deny Your Husband Sex?

This morning, I saw this post below posted on Facebook and I thought we should discuss.

“If you deny your husband sex, you are not wise. Bang him when things are wrong. That’s how to handle marriage. Can I get a witness?”

I am not sure if this was an advice or what…

Whatever it is (don’t deny your husband sex) is terrible and I will tell you why…

When you are married to a person that (hopefully) you are sexually attracted to, you wouldn’t want to deny them sex because…

That would also mean denying yourself the sex… as well.

So it doesn’t make sense.

However, if your spouse breaks trust, it can make you lose sexual attraction towards them… which means you despise sex.

That’s where the topic came from.

“Despise vs Deny Sex?!?!!?”

In fact, they asked a lady if she would consider denying her husband of sex if he cheated?

She answered/asked… “Who did I offend?”

It’s very important to know the difference between these 2 because it will determine your strategy to seducing your spouse back again.

If you feel that your spouse denied you sex, you will build resentments and you will react accordingly which will further make them despise sex with you.

On the flip side, when you realize that attraction is simply low, you will naturally focus on learning how to seduce him/her back into your harms.

So no wife or husband is sitting around looking to denied themselves of good sex that they also want… may be they just don’t want to have sex.

Sex may be a duty but it feels terribly wrong as a duty to at least one of the parties when it’s done as a duty or chore.

It feels a lot better when you do it because you want it… in fact, that’s the point.

Majority of people that accuse wives of denying husband of sex in a crisis have completely missed it…

They miss the part where she just doesn’t want to have sex because of the underlying issues.

And it is in fact manipulative and unreasonable to use guilt to get someone to do it when they don’t want it.

If you haven’t claimed your free copy of GET MY MARRIAGE BACK, you can do so by clicking here.

Cheers 🙂

LOLA & OLA

P.S. There is no such thing as a spouse denying his/her partner of sex; he/she either want to or despise having sex with the partner.

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“Is PHYSICAL A Worse Offense Than EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY?”📍 John Gray

Question: “Is PHYSICAL A Worse Offense Than EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY?”

So John Gray got caught basically, and there is a video of him coming out talking to a side chick about his wife…

that the wife only gives pizza to the babies for dinner.

I don’t understand why men put their wives down.

Who cares if your wife is feeding you pizza in the house?

If you don’t like it you get in the kitchen or if you had a problem with that, why didn’t you talk to me?

Maybe I am not the easiest to talk to, but then maybe you can get yourself in the kitchen or come up with ideas…

Like getting a chef that would cook for us on a daily basis.

On one of John Gray’s Videos he said:

“This was not physical or sexual. I’ve only ever been with one woman, that is my wife.”

What do we have to say about that?

Saying that he is not physical but he is emotional, what difference does he make?

You are talking to another woman and being emotional is just like you already slept with a person…

because everywhere that your wife has been with you, they get to experience that.

You have bared your heart to this person.

Is Physical a worse offense than emotional infidelity?

If you have an emotional affair and that’s all you did and then you got caught, dude you missed out.

You might as well sleep with the person because you are going to receive equal amounts of scrutiny.

It’s just as bad.

You are going to hurt that person just as much, if not more because now you are going to be telling her that “I’ve never slept with this person”.

Now they are gonna look at you like a liar because they will never believe you.

They will punish you that much more because they are thinking in their head “no you already slept with this person”.

I mean honestly how would they know?

They weren’t there with you.

So if you were already sharing intimate conversations with your side chick and trying to bring her to the same hotel where you and your wife would go…

You might as well just have slept with the lady so you could just say “you know you are right. I slept” so you could get away quickly…

PREVIOUS POST: “What Do You Do When Someone REJECTS Your APOLOGY?”📍 John Gray

And maybe she will accept your apology a lot faster.

You are in the worst place when you truthfully haven’t slept with that person.

It’s the truth but she is not gonna believe you and your punishment will be twice.

So if you are going to apologize at all, the last thing you want to bring up is “it wasn’t physical”.

Dude, it doesn’t matter if it was physical or not… and pastor John Gray should know better.

Bottom line is that you are exchanging these intimate moments that are only designed for you and your wife… you broke that trust.

It’s the trust that you broke, that is the issue and not what really happened physically.

She doesn’t care if you slept with that person or not.

In fact, you putting that in the midst of your apology is making things worse.

So, Is Physical a worse offense than emotional infidelity?

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If that’s the question, it’s backwards… emotional is worse because you are going to get punished that much.

Even in terms of wasting all that energy on emotion, you might as well just go all in.

Once you start lusting after that, you have already sinned.

John Gray needs to get it together when it comes to that and I understand the pressure of being a pastor and also being human…

But that’s the part where you couldn’t stop walking.

The pressure has to be a lot more because he is a pastor.

And then he was saying that his wife does not feed them anything else but pizzas…

Come on, why are you saying these things about your wife?

Why are you painting your wife bad?

Is it to get empathy from your side chick or something?

I don’t understand.

This is common in some men, I won’t say all men because not all men do that…

some men, they will trash their wife just so they can get sympathy pussy.

If you have to trash one woman to get another woman, you don’t have a gain and you are a sorry case.

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That’s something that even young men who are not necessarily married should know.

Like if you broke up with somebody, always be good to them because they came into your life for a reason, you chose them.

So when you start speaking bad of them, you are speaking of yourself.

Like I said, it’s a lack of gain when you do that.

But some people are in a weak place, when they are engaged in an emotional affair.

Like a lot of people until they bring a baby into this world, they actually always had no intention of doing it.

If the devil approaches us with intentions, all of us will be perfect if we just make sure we have good intentions right.

Good intentions are overrated for a reason because the devil knows like “you don’t have that intention, but you are lacking emotionally somewhere”

so he is going to bring someone who is going to fill that gap.

Then when that person fills that gap, you are still gonna be in denial like, “no I would never do that”

… and just wait and wait and wait until you are comfortable enough and admit that it really did happen.

“What Do You Do When Someone REJECTS Your APOLOGY?”📍 John Gray

Question: “What do you do when someone rejects your apology?”

Say for example you have a spouse that is just hard headed, you have to give them time.

That’s just what it is.

When you say “I’m sorry” and they are like “No, get out of my face. I don’t wanna see you right now”,

… You have to respectfully remove yourself out of their face.

What do you want, do you want to be punched in the face?

You can’t force down an apology.

Clearly you did something that made this person very mad so you gotta give them time.

PREVIOUS POST: “How Do I Ask My Husband For FORGIVENESS?”📍 John Gray

Also, you don’t get to measure how big the thing is like “But at least I didn’t cheat”.

No you can’t say that.

It doesn’t matter how little the thing is because it’s really up to how that person feels.

That person may feel like this is a big deal that you left your shoes in the corner of the house,

…that could be annoying to them.

So, What do you do when someone rejects your apology?

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If someone rejects your apology it clearly means you are not listening.

Your apology was rejected because that person may be asking for something else.

They probably just want a little bit of time.

Sometimes it’s the behavior that will show that they have not accepted the apology or that they haven’t forgiven you.

That means time.

For how long, I don’t know.

That will depend on the person and where they are coming from.

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“How Do I Ask My Husband For FORGIVENESS?”📍 John Gray

Question: “How Do I Ask My Husband For FORGIVENESS?”

The same thing goes for this question though it’s a little bit different…

because clearly the person asking this question is admitting that they were wrong.

That’s why they are thinking of forgiveness.

It’s different from an apology.

Apology is like “I guess that’s what I need to do”.

Forgiveness is like “You know I F**ked up. How do I ask for forgiveness?”.

So, how can somebody ask for forgiveness from their husband?

… or is it easy for you to ask for forgiveness?

Well, for our natural self, it is hard to ask for forgiveness but asking for forgiveness will give us peace of mind.

Previous Post: “How Do I APOLOGIZE for HURTING My Wife?”📍 John Gray

First of all, you have to admit that you are wrong.

So maybe the real question is, “Is it easy for you to admit you are wrong?”…

Even that question is bastardized because if you are wrong, you know you are wrong.

If you are asking for forgiveness, you are already saying “I’m wrong.”

So asking for forgiveness when you already know you are wrong should be easy… but clearly it’s not easy because…

It depends on what you did and with the person you are with.

Some people are not forgiving.

You could ask for forgiveness and they would say “Okay I heard you…” but then they are not ready to forgive you just yet.

They are hurt and they can drag you for years for that.

So, how do you ask forgiveness to your husband?

The same thing with apology goes with asking for forgiveness.

Changed Behavior.

It’s changed behavior and let the person relax and let them process what just happened.

Don’t shove it down to their face.

You have to have a lot of patience if you are asking for forgiveness.

Lots of patience and generosity with time because the more time there is, the more they will be open to receiving what you have to say.

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And the good thing with that is, now you have time to back it over with your behavior.

Right?

Especially if your behavior has actually reflected that.

Though we don’t support you asking for forgiveness over and over again.

You have to do it one time.

Maybe once or twice and it’s done.

The rest has to be your changed behavior.

That’s what really matters.

But some people are just asking for forgiveness like “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” every small thing they’d say I’m sorry.

No…

You are making things worse and you are being annoying.

You need to know when you are being annoying.

So you have to give them time to process things.

Some people may have a hard time to forgive because it’s very hard for an average human being to forgive.

Once you hurt a person, it’s a trust issue.

It will be hard for him to open up again because you’ve built a wall in the future.

So for them to open up again you need time.

If you had a good time with this person in the past or anything like that, they will remember.

They will start reflecting if you stay out of their face.

But if you keep pushing to fix everything now… that will work against you.

Asking over and over again… let’s put into logic a little bit, if you do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result, that’s called insanity.

The same thing, like don’t think your apology is all suddenly going to fix things.

Forgiveness will require a lot of follow ups… even cheating, because even the follow ups are not apologizing.

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It’s really following up with your changed behavior.

Using your words is manipulative because you are trying to use the word to fix that person or to get them to forgive you right now.

And if it was that easy we can just pull forgiveness out of everyone.

So it takes time because we are spiritual.

There is a soul that has been tampered with and those kinds of things have to be healed.

It had to be repaired.