Discover simple steps on how to overcome infidelity in a marriage even if you’ve lost all hope and your spouse seems completely lost to the other side.
📌 Author's Note from Lola & Ola: If you are reading this right now, we know the heartbreak of watching the desire, intimacy, and warmth fade out of your relationship. We survived our own marriage completely dying at the 9-year mark and rebuilt a 20+ year roadmap from it. Before you dive into the details below, grab our complete book Get My Marriage Back for FREE right now so you have an immediate, step-by-step action plan to turn things around.
Yes. Your wife is probably cheating on you. But let’s talk.
Sign #1: Sudden Showering
One of the most commonly cited physical signs she just slept with someone else is an immediate desire to shower the exact moment she returns home.
The suspicion usually goes something like this:
“Why is she rushing to the bathroom?
What is she trying to wash off?”
While it’s true that someone who has been unfaithful might shower afterward, so do millions of completely innocent people.
She could have worked a long shift, been at the gym, felt sweaty, or simply preferred showering before bed to relax.
A shower is evidence of a shower.
Nothing more.
The problem begins when anxiety turns ordinary hygiene into a detective case.
Sign #2: An Unfamiliar Cologne or Scent
Another commonly mentioned indicator is noticing an unfamiliar fragrance on her clothing, hair, or skin.
Many men immediately assume another man must be responsible, and they begin connecting unrelated events to support the suspicion.
However, humans constantly absorb scents from their environment.
She could have been exposed to coworkers, crowded public transportation, restaurants, retail stores, or a simple hug from a friend or family member.
Finding an unfamiliar smell is not proof of a betrayal; it is simply a smell. But may be a sign… nonetheless.
Sign #3: Increased Phone Protectiveness
While not technically a physical sign, it is one of the most heavily searched indicators associated with cheating.
Examples include suddenly putting the phone face down, taking it into the bathroom, using new passwords, or becoming visibly startled by notifications.
Many people searching for these signs become especially obsessed with this behavior.
But once again, context matters far more than the action.
Phone privacy can increase due to work confidentiality, financial stress, deep family discussions, or simply wanting a bit of personal boundary space.
Suspicious behavior does not automatically equal guilt, but anxiety always fills informational gaps with worst-case assumptions.
Sign #4: She No Longer Wants To Sleep With You
When a sudden drop in intimacy occurs, men often conclude:
“If she’s not sleeping with me, she must be sleeping with someone else.”
That is an incredibly massive leap.
Relationship intimacy is influenced by dozens of complex variables, including chronic stress, depression, anxiety, hormonal changes, exhaustion, or underlying relationship conflict.
A lack of intimacy certainly indicates a problem in the relationship, but it does not automatically identify the source of that problem.
If you assume this is a sign your wife likes another man, you miss the chance to heal the actual bond. But anything is possible.
Sign #5: Sudden Hall Passes (Uncharacteristic Independence)
First of all, if she gives you a hall pass. She probably wants one for herself.
But some men become suspicious when their wife or girlfriend suddenly starts creating more opportunities for independence.
This might look like more nights out, new social circles, increased solo activities, or giving you unprompted “hall passes” to do your own thing without check-ins.
While a hyper-vigilant mind might view this as a way to balance a guilty conscience or create cover stories, it can also indicate something entirely healthy: personal growth, a new hobby, career development, or a natural desire to break out of a mundane routine.
⚠️ WARNING: Read This Entire Article Before You Draw Any Conclusions
If you are currently searching for the physical signs she just slept with someone else, there is something critical you must understand before reading another word… especially about your own DNA.
This article can become a self-destructive weapon if you use it incorrectly.
The vast majority of people who look for these indicators are desperately searching for certainty whereas, in life, certainty simply does not exist. In fact, that’s a testament to your lack of “GAME”.
The fear that brought you here can easily cause you to misread ordinary behavior, jump to hasty conclusions, and push your further partner away than it already feels.
You must commit to reading this text to the very end before forming any judgments.
The uncomfortable truth is that no physical sign can reliably prove infidelity.
Not one.
When you search for these signs, your mind is looking for an absolute guarantee.
But in reality, every single behavior discussed above could easily mean 2,000 other things that have absolutely nothing to do with cheating or her sleeping with someone else.
The only true confirmation is witnessing it yourself or having undeniable evidence.
Everything else is pure interpretation—and interpretation is dangerous when fear is involved.
Fear doesn’t observe reality; it distorts it.
Let’s examine the commonly discussed signs in comparison to some other possibilities , and then we will address the much bigger issue hiding underneath them.
The Suspected Sign
The Anxious Interpretation
The Common Reality
1. Sudden Showering
Washing off physical evidence or an unfamiliar scent.
A long shift, a hard workout, or wanting to wash off the day.
2. Unfamiliar Scent
Direct physical contact with another man.
Public transit, a coworker’s perfume, or retail environments.
3. Phone Protectiveness
Hiding illicit texts or secret phone calls.
Work confidentiality, personal boundaries, or planning a surprise.
4. Dropping Intimacy
She is getting her physical needs met elsewhere.
Stress, exhaustion, hormonal changes, or relationship burnout.
5. Sudden Hall Passes
Guilt-driven freedom or distracting you from her actions.
A desire for individual hobbies, personal growth, or routine burnout.
The Real Elephant In The Room
The bigger question isn’t “What are the physical signs she just slept with someone else?”
The bigger question is “Why are you looking for them?”
The search itself reveals a profound truth.
People who spend their hours looking up these subtle signs are actually looking for emotional certainty.
They want a guarantee that they won’t get hurt, betrayed, or blindsided.
The problem?
No relationship comes with that guarantee.
Ever.
Fear Changes What You See
Fear is not a neutral observer—it actively edits your reality.
When you are terrified of betrayal, every single behavior starts looking like a smoking gun.
A shower becomes evidence.
A text becomes evidence.
A scent becomes evidence.
A tired mood becomes evidence.
Soon, you are no longer investigating reality; you are feeding an insatiable anxiety.
And anxiety always demands more evidence.
The Self-Sabotage Cycle & The “Anti-Seducer” Mindset
When fear takes over, it drives men to engage in behaviors that actively destroy the relationship they are trying to protect.
This ordinary, fear-driven mental perception naturally leads to:
Shaming and blaming
Constant accusing and interrogating
Toxic monitoring and tracking
Guilt-tripping over nothing
Ironically, these behaviors create the exact emotional distance you were trying to prevent.
The relationship becomes less safe, less trusting, and entirely unattractive.
Obsessing over these signs creates what can only be called an anti-seducer mindset.
It communicates deep-seated fear, neediness, distrust, and scarcity.
None of those qualities create attraction; all of them actively kill it.
There is a specific psychological “DNA” shared by people who constantly hunt for these signs.
They are chasing certainty in a place where it cannot exist.
If you do not address this underlying fear within yourself, you will repeat the exact same issues with your next relationship, and the one after that.
Even If It’s True That She Has Slept With Someone Else… Then What?
Let’s assume your absolute worst fear is correct.
Let’s assume she actually did step out on the relationship.
Now what?
Do you actually have a plan?
Most men never think this far.
They are so consumed by the chemical hit of anxiety that they never establish a clear, non-self-sabotaging objective.
What outcome are you actually trying to achieve?
Do you want reconciliation?
Do you want a clean separation?
Do you want couples counseling?
A mature response requires a clear objective.
An anxious response only keeps searching for more signs, dragging out the agony.
If you don’t have a plan, you have to ask yourself a painful question:
Are you just enjoying this anxiety in a weird, twisted way?
Stop chasing signs and start facing reality.
If something feels genuinely wrong in your partnership, focus on a skillful communication that leads with active listenings.
Leave the amateur detective work behind.
Sometimes, the greatest threat to a relationship isn’t infidelity—it is the exhausting, suffocating fear of it.
There is no universal blueprint for how a woman acts when she has cheated. Depending on her personality and the context of the relationship, some women become emotionally distant and protective of their privacy, while others may exhibit an unusual spike in affection due to guilt. Many show no obvious behavioral changes at all. Because severe lifestyle stress, depression, anxiety, and relationship burnout produce identical behavioral shifts, it is impossible to accurately diagnose infidelity based purely on a change in attitude.
Can a man tell when a woman has slept with someone else?
No, can a man tell when a woman has slept with someone else? The short answer is absolutely not through physical observation alone. There are no universal physical markers, biological tells, or cosmetic clues left behind after consensual intimacy. While a man might notice a shift in his partner’s baseline behavior, daily routines, or physical warmth, these changes have thousands of entirely innocent explanations. Attempting to read physical “clues” usually results in false positives fueled entirely by personal insecurity.
📌 Author's Note from Lola & Ola: If you are reading this right now, we know the heartbreak of watching the desire, intimacy, and warmth fade out of your relationship. We survived our own marriage completely dying at the 9-year mark and rebuilt a 20+ year roadmap from it. Before you dive into the details below, grab our complete book Get My Marriage Back for FREE right now so you have an immediate, step-by-step action plan to turn things around.
We want to believe that they finally get it. That they feel the pain they caused. That things can go back to the way they were—before the betrayal.
But sometimes… something about that apology feels off.
You hear the words, but the energy doesn’t match. The timing seems convenient. The look in their eyes feels empty.
It’s like your gut is waving a red flag, but your heart is trying to talk it down.
Sound familiar? You’re not alone.
We’ve seen this play out in hundreds of relationships—our own included.
And if you’ve ever been cheated on by someone you trusted, you know how much you need the apology to be real.
But not all “I’m sorrys” are created equal.
Some are deeply sincere. Others? Empty words dressed up as remorse.
And it’s not always intentional. Some people don’t even know they’re giving a fake apology—they think they’re doing enough.
In this guide, we’re breaking down 3 unmistakable signs of a fake apology after infidelity—because knowing them could save you from a second wave of heartbreak.
Why Spotting a Fake Apology Matters
Healing after infidelity is hard enough without having to wonder if your partner actually means what they say.
A fake apology delays healing. It creates confusion, keeps trust broken, and deepens the pain.
That’s why it’s so important to learn how to recognize when an apology is real—and when it’s just lip service.
Let’s get into the first major sign.
Sign #1: There’s a “But” After the Apology
If the sentence goes: “I’m sorry I cheated, but…”
That’s your first red flag.
That “but” cancels everything that came before it.
Even if the rest of the sentence sounds thoughtful—like “…but I was feeling neglected” or “…but you’ve been distant lately”—it still shifts the blame.
We’ve worked with couples where the cheating partner kept apologizing… but every time, they’d add a justification.
And those “explanations” made their partner feel even worse.
One betrayed partner said it perfectly:
“Every time he apologizes, I end up feeling worse, not better.”
Why? Because when someone says “sorry” and immediately adds a reason, it makes you feel like you’re to blame for their betrayal.
Here’s the truth: A real apology takes full responsibility. No disclaimers. No excuses.
Now, maybe you’ve been taught that a “mature” apology should include context. And yes—there is a time for explanation, especially during open conversations later down the road.
But right after the betrayal? That “context” feels like gaslighting. Like emotional salt in an already gaping wound.
And if you’re the one doing the apologizing, you might feel tempted to explain yourself. To give reasons.
But in that moment, your partner doesn’t need reasons. They need repair. They need reassurance.
If you keep saying “sorry, but…”—even if you mean well—you’re unintentionally pushing them further away.
Sign #2: Apologizing Just to Keep the Peace
We hear this all the time.
“He said sorry just to shut me up.” “She apologized, but then tried to change the subject 2 minutes later.”
One wife told us,
“He hugged me, said he was sorry, then grabbed the remote and turned on the TV like nothing happened.”
To her, it felt like emotional whiplash.
Here’s what’s really going on. Apologizing just to avoid more conflict is not a true apology.
It might defuse the moment. It might prevent another argument. But it doesn’t heal anything.
And what’s been buried? Always finds its way back to the surface.
This kind of fake apology creates a false sense of peace.
You stop fighting. Things are quiet. Maybe you even laugh together again.
But underneath that calm, a storm is brewing.
If you’re the one doing this kind of apology, you might think you’re keeping the relationship together.
You might believe you’re doing the responsible thing. “I don’t want us to fight.” “I just want things to go back to normal.”
But real love doesn’t skip the hard parts.
Real connection means sitting in the discomfort and taking ownership of what broke it.
If you’re always apologizing just to “keep the peace,” you’re not creating peace. You’re creating silence.
And silence is where resentment grows.
📌 Pause and Check In Before we move to the final sign, take a second.
If what you’re reading hits home, share this post with someone who needs it. You might be helping someone out of a very confusing and painful loop.
And if you want a deeper, proven framework for rebuilding trust after betrayal, download our free book 👉 www.GetMyMarriageBack.com
This is the same process that helped us go from almost-divorced to thriving again.
Sign #3: You’ve Apologized 3+ Times This Month
It sounds harmless. Even noble. You messed up, so you keep apologizing, hoping it lands one day.
But if you’ve said “I’m sorry” three or more times in one month—and your partner still isn’t feeling it—something’s broken in your approach.
One man told us,
“I apologized at least six times this month… and she still acts like I haven’t said anything.”
He was frustrated. He thought he was doing everything right. But here’s the truth:
The more times you repeat the same apology without real change, the less it means.
The first time—it’s an expression of remorse. The second time—it’s a reminder. The third, fourth, fifth time—it starts to feel like a script.
Eventually, your partner tunes out. Not because they’re cold, but because they’re emotionally exhausted.
And if you’re the one receiving these repeat apologies, you may start to question yourself.
“Am I being too sensitive?” “Shouldn’t I be over this by now?”
No. You’re not too sensitive. You’re smart enough to recognize that words alone don’t create safety.
Apologies must be followed by meaningful action.
Otherwise, they become emotional Band-Aids slapped over a broken bone.
If you’re giving repeated apologies, it doesn’t mean you’re fake or manipulative.
But it may mean you’re stuck in a cycle that’s not helping either of you heal.
Real healing begins when your actions say, “You can trust me again.” Not just your words.
Final Thoughts: What a Real Apology Looks Like
Let’s be clear. Not every apology is fake.
But some carry red flags:
The word “but” right after “I’m sorry.”
A rush to move on without real change.
Endless repetition without impact.
If you’re stuck in a loop like that—giving or receiving apologies that don’t land—it’s time to pivot.
Healing from infidelity takes time, effort, and humility.
It takes more than just saying “I’m sorry.” It takes proving, daily, that the relationship matters. That trust can be rebuilt.
And it’s possible.
We know because we’ve been there.
That’s why we created our book Get My Marriage Back. It’s not fluff. It’s not hype.
It’s the exact framework we used to rebuild our marriage after betrayal nearly tore it apart.
You don’t have to stay stuck in emotional limbo. You don’t have to keep repeating yourself—or waiting on someone else to get it.
You can take the first step today. One clear shift can change everything.
FAQ: Fake Apologies After Infidelity
How do you know if a cheater is really sorry?
A truly remorseful cheater takes full responsibility, expresses consistent empathy, and follows their apology with real behavioral change.
What is an example of a fake apology?
“I’m sorry I cheated, but you weren’t meeting my needs” is a fake apology because it shifts blame instead of owning the harm caused.
What is pretend normal after infidelity?
Pretend normal is when the unfaithful partner offers surface-level apologies and tries to resume life as if nothing happened without addressing the deeper emotional damage.
How does a guilty person act after cheating?
A guilty person may over-apologize, avoid meaningful conversations, or act overly accommodating to suppress conflict rather than face accountability.
📌 Author's Note from Lola & Ola: If you are reading this right now, we know the heartbreak of watching the desire, intimacy, and warmth fade out of your relationship. We survived our own marriage completely dying at the 9-year mark and rebuilt a 20+ year roadmap from it. Before you dive into the details below, grab our complete book Get My Marriage Back for FREE right now so you have an immediate, step-by-step action plan to turn things around.
Before we dive into more details about infidelity…
Let’s answer the question as it will help with fundamentals.
In order to survive a crisis in any type of relationships
(especially a marriage), you can’t afford to undermine the power of an overall positive attitude.
Therefore if you are dealing with a negative and/or shutdown spouse, it will take a tremendous emotional energy to maintain your cool.
As I said earlier, respect is earned.
Just as trust and submission, all these actions are driven in a marriage as effects and not a cause.
Sure you can deliberately initiate them.
But it will eventually drain you emotionally if you are not aware of the underlying attraction level that initially brought you and you spouse together.
That is to say, if you are not presently attracted to your husband, it won’t last much long if you force yourself to respect him.
So in the long run, you need to address the cause of the low attraction level.
You have to also respect and love yourself enough to attract the type of love you deserve from your spouse.
It is natural for couples to go through this over time as complacency kicks in.
So I am saying that it is natural to take each other for granted over-time.
Is your marriage a mistake?
There is no relationship that is a mistake and here is why.
Every relationship you engage in your life must be regarded as an opportunity to grow.
It’s part of the interpretations you must add to your efforts of positive attitude.
Because that energy will drive a lot more other actions that will drive your spouse to do right by you.
Subsequently, it will propagate energy that will attract the types of relationship and may be another marriage that will serve you.
Can we agree that the marriage you have right now is bad especially if infidelity is involved?
Therefore it’s time to build a brand-new marriage with or without the same and present spouse.
That attitude gives you your best chance of attracting your present spouse to do right by you if that’s in fact what you want.
Effectively, if you lead with the attitude that it “MUST” be the same spouse,
Your desperate energy will push him or her away further.
Sure we all need prayer.
The scripture says….
“Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.”
James 2:17 New King James Version (NKJV)
The Real Meaning of Infidelity
The truth of the matter is that infidelity is involved whenever a promise is broken in your marriage.
It doesn’t have to be sexual in nature.
Therefore, any type of promise that was made in your vows no matter how little is seems will result in infidelity.
What is the difference between infidelity and adultery?
Adultery is more specific of a way to describe sexual related betrayal in a marriage.
But it’s an effect.
In order to fix adultery as one of the many types of infidelity, we have to go deeper into causes; Root Cause Analysis.
Of course it’s easier to point the most fingers at the person who engaged sexually with another outside of the marriage.
Most of the infidelity that happens in marriages has nothing to do with sexual behaviors.
However all of the different types of infidelities create resentments and complacency over-time.
For example, if you promised to be there for richer or poorer…
But then catch attitude last week because he was broke financially, that’s a form of infidelity.
In addition, catching negative attitude in the midst of any crisis does not solve it; it expands the emotional effect of it.
So, you’d agree that marriage has probably been infected with infidelity and needs work right?
I am by no means telling you that cheating or having an affair outside of the marriage is any easier to deal with.
All I am saying is that those types tend to be the most obvious to judge people with.
It’s very important that you use that to adjust your perspective in order to attract the love and marriage that you deserve.
Judgment, guilt, and blame will harm you, your relationships and especially any children involved.
Therefore you have to rise above the obvious emotions such anger, resentments, rage that you will naturally feel…
If you are on the receiving end of an infidelity.
That’s going to take work, but it’s doable and it’s your best shot at attracting happiness again.
So should you Stay in the Marriage After Infidelity?
It depends on your particular relationship.
If it’s taking you more than 3 months to at least forgive, you probably should consider separation first.
Because it’s not helpful for any of the parties for the other to live in mystery.
Time apart may just be what you need to appreciate life, the marriage or both again.
That same time apart may help a perpetual adulterer make a decision to nurture what they value…
And have clarity of where he or she belongs (with you or someone else).
Having out in that dark spot for longer than 3 month tends to create more and more emotional damage in you, your spouse and even any children that may be involved.
But marriage is usually not easy to just throw away.
If it was easy, you probably would not have that question.
Ask yourself this question however…
Are you running from your problems obviously entangled up in infidelity right now?
As I have said, the problem is deeper than the effects
Of which some of them are cheating, affairs and infidelity.
Minimum of 50% of this (though not your fault) is your problem.
So if your quick solution is to leave the marriage, you will effectively take 50% of the problem with you.
Hence why 76% of marriages to divorces ends in about 2 years according to many studies.
It will help you ensure that you work on yourself before concluding that leaving is the solution.
How to Practically Rebuild Trust Even After Infidelity
When you first met your spouse, it was natural to trust because attractions high.
It’s easy to be in love and trust a person that you truly don’t know.
The reality is that you couldn’t possible love them though.
That trust was fake in essence.
Now that you are dealing with the after effects and emotions from infidelity, the real work is needed.
Anything that’s worthwhile in life will take work.
It was never practical to trust another human at the level that we do in a marriage.
That’s why I always say, people that say ‘I do’ don’t know what they are doing.
It doesn’t even matter how much pre-marital counseling you have before, you simply couldn’t comprehend what you were about to do.
So I get it
Trust can be hard to rebuild once it has been breached by a spouse but it’s do able.
But, I have to tell.
Holding your marriage and specially your happiness hostage because of trust issues will not help you.
Here are some scriptures that warned you about trust and its application to infidelity recovery…
It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.
Psalm 118:8 ESV
Thus says the Lord: “Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord.
Jeremiah 17:5 ESV
You are not even supposed to trust yourself; much less another person.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV
Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.
Proverbs 28:26 ESV
Listen…
It’s natural for you to feel hurt and wallow in the mystery of it for a while.
But it’s time for you to realize that you deserve happiness and take the bulls by the horn.
How?
Leave all your trust issues in the hands of God and start living.
That’s easier said than done but hearing it or reading it from me might as well be the first step in the right direction.
Is an adulterer always an adulterer?
You’ve heard the saying, “once a cheater always a cheater.”
That’s absolutely an impossible lie.
It’s a lie that can hold you hostage even long after your spouse has repented due to…
A larger purpose than the seduction and excitement they may have derived from their past transgression.
Here is a quick 2 step-solution to that.
Do the work that will attract him or her to re-commit back into a brand-new marriage with you.
Let go and forgive yourself for attracting the old marriage.
Enjoy your new marriage one day at a time.
As you can see, none of the step has anything to do with putting the focus on fixing your spouse.
The work must be done from the inside to attract what you want on the outside.
What is the main reason for infidelity?
Of course in the long term, loyalty will benefit and create joy as opposed to short-term excitement.
But People cheat mainly for a lack of a larger purpose than the pleasure and excitement of secrecy.
It’s a choice but it’s also a choice that most humans are never too holy to make.
Most people just need the right circumstances to align to find themselves choosing pleasure over loyalty in the short term.
10+ Causes of Infidelity
Circumstances can include but not limited to:
Not receiving enough attention from the significant other,
Inappropriate engagement with friendly acquaintances,
Low self esteem
Immaturity
Background and childhood trauma
Belief system
Low attraction
Unmatched libido level
Retaliation for past transgression
(10) 12…Principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Ephesians 6:12, King James Version
But it’s never your fault when your significant other makes a choice to have an affair.
However you may have helped create one of the circumstances that align the opportunity for short-term human excitement.
They could have also chosen to rise above.
But judgment, blame, and guilt or self-guilt won’t help.
It’s time to understand “WHY” at a deeper level and attract an infidelity free brand new marriage.
The best chances of a lifetime joy is with a repented spouse because you are now both equipped with knowledge
Which becomes power when you both apply to a daily loving marriage for the rest of your lives.
Treat it on a daily basis…
Because obsession with the past and tomorrow will drown your relationships and especially your marriage.
📌 Author's Note from Lola & Ola: If you are reading this right now, we know the heartbreak of watching the desire, intimacy, and warmth fade out of your relationship. We survived our own marriage completely dying at the 9-year mark and rebuilt a 20+ year roadmap from it. Before you dive into the details below, grab our complete book Get My Marriage Back for FREE right now so you have an immediate, step-by-step action plan to turn things around.
By the very fact that you are seeking this information, I would assume that you already have your suspicions about your wife cheating.
I am sorry that you are going through that.
It’s gotta be a painful place to find yourself and your marriage.
A part of me wants to suggest that you trust your instinct but another part wants me to warn you of the blurry or fine line between unhealthy insecurity and your suspicions.
Once you embark on these types of feelings about your wife’s level of faithfulness, it’s very hard to go back.
In essence, the mind is very delicate and it’s hard to resist the urge to find more information to confirm your suspicion once your inclination is already in that space.
WARNING! These 35 exhausted signs are not equivalent to absolute truth.
If you treat it as such, you can potentially destroy your relationship with a good woman in the case where she had been innocent.
I would encourage you to find clarity between your suspicion and insecurities as you explore the possibilities that your wife is cheating on you.
But they can also overlap or both can be true at the same time.
These 35 signs below are just that; signs.
There are many times that any individual sign or even combination does not necessarily mean that your wife is cheating.
So be cautious with what you do with this information.
The pain associated with betrayal from a wife, partner or spouse is terrible and can seem unbearable.
But I assure you that whatever it is will make you stronger if and only if you don’t take her responsibilities with yours.
You are just as responsible because we are talking about a relationship but keep in mind that a choice is made for every time a person cheats.
If you play the blame game, it will result in feelings of guilt trip and your feelings just get hurt and worse.
That just happens to be the most popular and considered to be the most hurtful by most people.
It means that your wife is involved in activities she wouldn’t want you to know about because, precisely, it will hurt your feelings if you find out.
If any one of the signs below becomes one of 18 other signs on the list, it would be possible indication that your wife is up to some bad behaviors.
However, any one sign as a stand alone can also have 1,000 other reasons outside of cheating or infidelity.
These are some signs that “may” indicate that your wife is cheating on you.
1, She Changed Her Passwords
There are, of course, many other reasons why your wife may have changed her passwords or passcodes for social media and smart devices.
If she is also involved in extra marital affairs, she would also want to cover her tracks on the various communication channels.
This is especially true if she had never password protected in the past or if she had always shared the information.
With that being said, privacy and a sense of individuality can be very healthy for your relationship with your wife as it can improve a sense of freedom.
2, She accuses you of cheating.
As humans, we tend to project our belief systems on others.
If your wife has never caught you in a cheating act of any type
But somehow concludes at accusing you of cheating, there is a good chance that she is projecting her guilt on you as blame.
Guilt, blame and condemnation tend to work hand in hand and that’s usually against the idea of a healthy relationship.
If she’s engaged in cheating behavior, it’s only natural that she would believe other people are just like that.
It’s a self-justification mechanism.
3, She removed your family name from her social media profiles.
If your wife changed her name to your family name when you got married and has recently changed her last name or surname on social media,
That’s a red flag.
If you have been experiencing problems in your relationship with her in recent times, then this will probably not mean anything more than you already know.
But if it happened out of nowhere, the act in itself is already a form of rebellion and can be an indication that she is receiving unhealthy external attention.
4, She suddenly started going straight to the shower when she came home.
Even if your wife is only engaged in emotional affairs, she can feel dirty mentally.
So you can imagine if she’s getting physical with another man.
This could mean anything or a one-of occasion and it definitely doesn’t mean much if she’s always done this.
But it can mean a whole lot, including cheating if it’s complete new behavior along with 17 other other signs.
5, She was diagnosed with STD
A sexually transmitted disease (STD) can also be transferred between very faithful couple
…but it can also be a sign of cheating if it correlates with 17 or more other signs.
6, She claims you are not making her happy
It is not your responsibility to make your wife happy; all you can do is love her.
But if you are married to a person who doesn’t know that, one of the first signs she may show if she is or about to cheat is…
…actually say it out that you no longer make her happy.
If she doesn’t know that making her happy is not your responsibility, she is weak and at least capable of cheating.
7, She doesn’t post pictures of you on social media anymore.
The keyword there is “anymore.”
If she has never posted you online in the past, bringing this up will attract negative and toxic energy into your relationship.
But if this is recent behavior, this is more of a sign that your wife is not proud of the relationship she has with you but can also represent a sign of your worst fears.
8, She avoids some restaurants
If you are taking your wife out and in recent times, you noticed that she is suddenly avoiding certain favorite restaurant,
That’s bad news… man.
She may have been hanging out at the same restaurant with a new boyfriend…
Maybe?
Maybe she’s just discovered that she is allergic to these particular restaurants’ food.
9, She wants to try new sex moves
What kind of a faithful wife suddenly starts a desire for explicit sex stunts in the bedroom?
She is likely to have tried it with a possible new fling and wants to see if you are capable of making her stop wanting to see him.
This is another sign you probably should pay close attention to.
She couldn’t just be wanting to spice things up between the two of you right?
If she called you another man’s name while giving it to her enough to be screaming, wouldn’t that mean she was thinking about the other guy at that moment?
But she could also just be actively trying to use role play or her movie crush to spice things up for you all in the bedroom.
Who knows?
11, She stays late at work
Your wife may be staying extra late at work for many reasons including the reason she claims.
But what are the chances that she has been taking advantage of this excuse to cheat on you with a coworker?
It’s probably wise to ask her how her days go and use that opportunity to listen to sneaky hidden details.
12, She suddenly wants girls trip
There is nothing wrong with a girls trip for your wife but everything can go wrong at those girls trips right?
What types of friends want to remove a wife from her home for 3-5 days in a row?
Be careful here because restricting her may work against the goals you are trying to achieve.
13, Unusual expenses
If, in recent times, you’ve noticed unusual expenses on your wife’s personal bank account, ask yourself…
What were you looking for on her personal bank account?
If these expenses have been made at a motel around the corner from her job, it is exactly what you think it is.
Is it?
At least, you will end up reacting accordingly.
14, On toilet for longer periods with the phone
You’ve noticed that she has been hanging out a lot in the bathroom claiming to be pooping.
Maybe you can set up cameras in that bit*h and find out what she’s up to.
Or she could just be playing games on her phone…
There are only 2.5 ways to find out.
15, She doesn’t say “I Love You” Anymore
This right here depends on if she used to and then suddenly has stopped.
Could it be that she is falling out of love with you? If that’s the case, she must surely be falling for the person she’s cheating with right?
Negative.
16, She consistently lies
Obviously a liar will steal; that’s what we learned as kids growing up in Africa.
Never mind white lies and the fact that most human beings do it every now and then.
Your wife is not most people, she is cheating on you if she lies consistently.
She is practicing for when she will need to lie to you about her secret boyfriend… that’s not making sense right?
17, Too many friends you’ve never met
What is she hiding her friends for?
She must be using these people who you don’t know to hide her bad cheating behaviors.
Or you get very jealous about the fact that she has a private life outside of you and that makes you get very defensive.
I am sure you have concluded that it must be the former.
18, She hugs up on doing the laundry
The clothes must be smelling of disgusting cheating activities in the dirty laundry.
She probably doesn’t want you to detect it.
19, She treats you like a friend
You just found out that you have been friend-zoned in your own home by your own wife.
Energy is neither created nor destroyed; so where has she been channeling that energy?
To a secret boyfriend?
…or women can shut down if they don’t feel safe and secure?
What do you think?
20, Hangs out longer in front of the mirror
I am sure you are wondering who she is trying to look good to impress when she has in fact walked around the house stank all these years.
21, She asks weird questions about cheating
That must mean she is either already cheating on you or at least considering it.
What are weird questions?
Are they designed to reverse psychology the guilt back on you?
It couldn’t possibly be that she is simply not happy about the relationship.
The only reason in this world why she could be angry is that she is or wants to cheat on you.
23, She opened a different bank account
But why?
Why can’t you just have one joint account as a married couple?
It must be because she’s a cheater and she wants to make secret spendings.
Or everyone still needs a level of individuality?
24, She cheated before
“Once a cheater, always a cheater.”
Ever heard that before?
If considered that people do grow from bad behavior, it creates a different angle for this conversation entirely… right?
25, She avoids your friends
It could be that your friends have already caught her in the midst of bad behavior and she’s avoiding them.
She could also outrightly not like your friends and can’t stand being around them.
26, Drastic change in Sexual Desires
If she suddenly gets turned off from being intimate with you, she must be channeling that to a secret boyfriend.
On the flip side, if she suddenly wants to start having sex like rabbits, she must be learning from somewhere… a secret boyfriend?
27, She removed her relationship status from social media
Of course, she did.
She wouldn’t want her secret fling to get jealous of the type of love you are showing her at home.
28, She attempts to spend important holidays without you
She is in love with a secret boyfriend so she’d rather spend valentine’s with the person she is in love with.
Don’t forget that she still loves you at least; she is just not in love with you any longer.
29, She gains sudden desire to go to the gym
Why must she look good and fit suddenly after all this time that she hasn’t cared to look good for you?
She must be up to no good.
She could also be finding and discovering her better self by investing in some fitness effort.
30, Replies your text messages in one-word
A woman who is in love with you tends to want to share everything with you even when they are not the talker in the relationship.
So if she just responds with one-word answers, you may find yourself wondering what she is up to with the rest of the time.
A secret boyfriend? Maybe?
31, She references friends you’ve never met
The real question is why won’t she just bring or invite them around for you to meet?
As a married person, do you really need to keep a separate life outside your marriage or spouse?
32, Her phone is always silent
If her phone rang out loud every time she receives those evil texts, how would she keep it a secret?
That can ruin the excitement she gets from her secret affairs.
So it makes sense that she would silence the phone so that you won’t randomly pick up and find out the obvious.
33, She claims to be too busy to talk on the phone when she is at work
This is similar to the one-word text replies.
What happened to the good ol’ days when she couldn’t wait to talk to you on the phone?
Clearly all that energy could be going somewhere inappropriate.
34, She asked you for space
What does a married woman need space for?
Married women are supposed to be virtuous women of God and never get tired or too lazy to carry the emotional weight of a marriage.
After-all, she is a supper woman.
35, She takes every opportunity to not be around you
She hates you now; she is cheating.
Conclusion
Syke… lol
If you are in a state of reviewing this and actually find it as prophetic as opposed to the sarcastic piece that it is, you deserve a wife who is cheating on you.
There is a good chance that you have enabled her bad behaviors if in fact, she is cheating…
She may not be cheating at all; but she obviously is not in love with you.
You should focus on learning these terrible insecurity you have just displayed here
…and build yourself because you are about to push your wife away forever with your fear.
In life, you attract what you fear the most.
On the flip side, if you have paid attention to none or just a few of these 35 (many times just normal) behaviors, congratulations as you have a better chance of working on and getting your marriage back.
Don’t worry about blank suspicions and signs that are obviously not backed by facts. Focus on attracting her back in love with you.
A woman who is in love does not leave, and damn sure has no room for affection physically or emotionally with another person.
If you are interested in a coaching session, just go under the product page at LOLAandOLA.com and I’ll see you at the top.
Frequently Asked Question [FAQ]
There are 35 signs we have identified but there is no single one that can be a good indicator. You will need at least 18 of the warning signs here to call a red flag.
If you suspect that your wife is cheating, you need to seek counseling and find out why you would attract a cheater as a wife before doing anything else.
It sounds like you have not caught her red-handed which means there is a good chance that you are showcasing insecurity. If you are so sure, refocus back on finding out why you would be attracting a cheater as a wife.
📌 Author's Note from Lola & Ola: If you are reading this right now, we know the heartbreak of watching the desire, intimacy, and warmth fade out of your relationship. We survived our own marriage completely dying at the 9-year mark and rebuilt a 20+ year roadmap from it. Before you dive into the details below, grab our complete book Get My Marriage Back for FREE right now so you have an immediate, step-by-step action plan to turn things around.
Welcome back to LOLAandOLA.com. Let’s talk about the 7 stages of an emotional affair; a sequel to “5 signs of an emotional affair”.
Be sure to watch that video too.
As usual, we are answering your question. Feel free to continue leaving them in the comment area or send an email to [email protected]
Let’s check out this story.
“So my wife seems to be having an emotional affair with her boss.
She locked me out of her home computer a few months back (it was shared).
Just before that I noticed she’d been trying to find a way to stop her phone messages being saved in the cloud.
When I did see some of her messages she’s been texting with him all times of day and at weekends.
When she went away on a trip a couple of times, he was getting pictures and texts etc. I got nothing.
He talks back with her a lot.
She’s deleted a lot of the texts (presumably the worst ones??).
Some of the texts seem to be suggestive but I can’t see if they lead anywhere but I don’t think anything physical has happened.
It’s more flirting.”
Sorry about this trauma. It’s going to take a lot of work to get out of this funk. And I am sorry you have to go through this.
Maybe understanding the stages of emotional affairs can help you put things in better perspective so you can move forward in the most effective way.
Let’s get into it.
Stage 1
Void
In order for another person to occupy the space of intimacy in a relationship, there must be some type of void.
This is not to blame or assign fault away from the transgressor to the other partner but to highlight the fact that it is what it is.
If you caught your partner in this type of bad behavior, always remember it’s not your fault but that’s not equivalent to not assuming responsibility in the overall status of your relationship.
Stage 2
Friendship
You’ve always had friends anyway. For women, they often need to feel safe and secure.
So the closest person to that when there is a void they want to fill in their present relationship or marriage are ex’s.
Ladies. Be careful with keeping friendships with your exes. It might seem innocent because after all there are stages.
You probably already know that everything feels wrong but right at the same time with this inappropriate relationship.
If you are not careful, you will eventually find yourself justifying it. Don’t wait for it because again, friendship is a seemingly innocent stage of emotional affairs.
Stage 3
Sharing
In this stage, the transgressor is getting comfortable and starting to share intimate details with the loser on the side.
Why are they losers? It’s just the reality because you are clearly not 100% emotionally available but yet, they are hoping to build something serious usually.
There is a void as I stated in stage one but it is not the same thing as being emotionally available which is a requirement for a healthy relationship.
Not only was that lady sharing details, when she went away on a trip a couple of times, the loser was getting pictures and texts while the husband got nothing.
At this point, the marriage is in the danger zone.
Stage 4
Secrecy
What happens next? The transgressor is leaving exhibits and digital footprints on SMS, text messages and WhatsApp right?
These are now secrets which in this context can be described somewhat as lies. They have to tell more lies and create more secrets to cover up.
But there is a problem.
No matter how much they try to delete messages, it gets worse because even though… remember that story…
“She’s deleted a lot of the worst texts ,the remaining seem to be suggestive.”
Yes he couldn’t see if they led anywhere or think anything physical had happened. But the mind doesn’t know that.
Stage 5
Fantasy
Up till this stage, nothing has necessarily happened physically. But the natural order of things is for the mind to engage images of going all the way through.
At this stage, the transgressor is starting to fantasize not just about physical intimacy but also about what life could be like with the side person.
The mind won’t rest or let’s flip it. The mind may not be able to comprehend the danger in all of these until a physical act has happened.
That’s why people would call it a mistake while in reality this can only be realistically described as premeditated in reality.
Stage 6
Dependency
At this stage, the transgressor has spent a lot of energy on this side relationship. Yes. they might as well call it a relationship because it’s denial.
They’ve started to fantasize about life with this person and the last thing they want you to call the interaction is an affair.
If you don’t speak to them in a day, your mind won’t rest. It’s an unhealthy dependency because you can’t really live in truth; nonetheless a dependency.
Don’t forget that the transgressor still depends on the actual partner for something hence the difficulty in just leaving as opposed to cheating.
Stage 7
Justification
At this stage, a transgressor is actively trying to turn a lie into a truth.
Actually, they are probably being honest since they have been intimate with another person consistently over a period of time.
There is an illusion of greener grass on the other side.
So even though it’s a dishonest lifestyle, it was filling a void and therefore feels like the truth and it’s just being actively justified.
At least, it might feel justified. It is not. That band aid must be ripped off that open and rotten wound once and for all.
Many pieces of advice on the internet will probably be conclusive and I know that you probably don’t want to end the marriage. So it’s confusing at best.
You might not know how far the affair has gone but it really doesn’t matter. Emotional affairs can hurt just as much if not more because of the fear of the unknown.
Reference our last video for recovery tips if you’ve caught your partner in this bad behavior. It’s called “5 Signs of An Emotional Affair + 5 RECOVERY TIPS”.
We share our own story inside the book “GET MY MARRIAGE BACK” which you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com
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