Rules of No Contact

What is the No Contact Rule?

The No Contact Rule is a commonly recommended solution to various problems in the immediate aftermath of a breakup. This is a time when emotions can run high and fluctuate wildly, so it is often a good time for some distance between you and your ex. This can help you take some time to think about what it is you really want.

The rule is commonly set at 30 days, although it can be shorter in some cases or even go on permanently in others. During this time, ex-partners may avoid all forms of contact, whether face-to-face or over the phone, text, or social media. Some couples may even block each other on social media sites.

The specific rules can vary among different people, but the key feature is limiting communication.

How To Start No Contact?

If you have been contacting your ex regularly since the breakup, the best way to start no contact is to just stop contacting them.

If your ex has been initiating contact with you on and off, you should let them know that you intend to take some space from them and that you want them to stop contacting you for a while. You should be honest about why you are doing this, that is, to help you heal from the breakup and get some perspective.

The signs that the No Contact Rule is working might be confusing. You are unlikely to see all of these signs, but more than one or two may well signal that things are working out the way you would like.

1. You get a text from your ex

Of course, if you suddenly get a text from your ex, he has clearly been thinking about you for some reason. If he says that he is missing you, you can be sure that the No Contact Rule has worked. However, it is more likely that if your ex reaches out to you, the reasons will be less obvious.

If he asks you vaguely, “how are you doing?” he may be checking up to see if you are okay, or he may be trying to test the water with a general conversation. Either way, he is probably aware that breaking the No Contact Rule may signal that he thinks about you. Your ex-boyfriend clearly feels that contacting you is still important enough to be worth doing.

2. Your ex posts about you on social media

If your ex-boyfriend posts about you on social media, it can be a sign that he is thinking about you. This can take the form of a comment on one of your posts, or even just a “like” on something you have put up.

It can also be a sign that he is trying to get your attention by posting something that he knows you will see. This might be a photo of the two of you together, or even just a status update about something that you have in common.

3. Your ex talks about you to mutual friends

If your ex-boyfriend is talking about you to your mutual friends, this can be a sign that he is thinking about you. He may be sharing things in order to get them off of his chest, or perhaps he does not want to keep this relationship secret from the people who already know you both.

If your ex-boyfriend talks about your breakup with other people, it can be a sign that he is not over you yet. He may be hoping for sympathy from others, or he could even be trying to make you jealous by talking about other women.

4. Your ex-boyfriend stares at you

If your ex-boyfriend stares at you, this can be a sign that he is still thinking about you. It may be that he is a little obsessed with you and simply can’t take his eyes off of you.

However, it is also possible that your ex-boyfriend is simply trying to figure out if there is any chance that you might still be interested in getting back together. If your ex feels like he has missed an opportunity, or if he is simply not ready to let go of this relationship, then a lingering stare may be the sign that you need.

5. Your ex-boyfriend asks mutual friends about you

If your ex-boyfriend asks mutual friends about you, it can be a sign that he is thinking about you and wants to know how things’ are going. This may be a sign that he is trying to keep tabs on you, or it could mean that he simply wants some kind of connection with you.

There are many possible reasons why your ex-boyfriend might ask mutual friends about you, so it is important not to jump to conclusions too quickly. However, if this seems like a pattern, it may be a sign that he is not ready to move on just yet.

6. Your ex-boyfriend tries to make you jealous

If your ex-boyfriend tries to make you jealous, it could be a sign that he is still thinking about you. He may be trying to get your attention by flirting with other women, or he could be trying to make you see that he is still attractive and desirable.

Your ex-boyfriend may also be trying to make you jealous in order to get a reaction out of you. If he is hoping that you will get angry or upset, it can be a sign that he is not over you yet.

7. Your ex-boyfriend sends you a DM

If your ex-boyfriend sends you a message on social media, it can be a sign that he is thinking about you. He may simply want to get in touch to chat and catch up, or he could be trying to gauge your feelings by asking if you would like to meet up.

This could also be a sign that your ex-boyfriend is trying to start a conversation with you in order to see if there is any chance of getting back together. If he is asking about your life and how you are doing, it may be a sign that he still cares about you.

8. Your ex-boyfriend likes your posts

If your ex-boyfriend likes your posts on social media, it can be a sign that he is still thinking about you. He may be interested in what you are doing and how you are feeling, or he could simply be trying to get your attention.

Liking your posts can also be a way for your ex-boyfriend to start a conversation with you. If he leaves a comment on one of your posts, it may be a sign that he wants to talk to you.

9. Your ex-boyfriend texts you

If your ex-boyfriend texts you, it can be a sign that he is thinking about you. He may simply want to talk to you and catch up, or he may be interested in getting back together.

Texting can also be a way for your ex-boyfriend to gauge your feelings. If he is asking how you are doing and what you have been up to, it may be a sign that he still cares about you.

10. Your ex-boyfriend calls you

If your ex-boyfriend calls you, it can be a sign that he is thinking about you. He may want to talk to you and catch up, or he may be interested in getting back together.

Calling can also be a way for your ex-boyfriend to gauge your feelings. If he is asking how you are doing and what you have been up to, it may be a sign that he still cares about you.

Benefits of Using the No Contact Rule

1. The No Contact Rule can help you take a step back and gain some much-needed perspective. During this time, you can focus on yourself and your own well-being, instead of obsessing over your ex-boyfriend.

2. The No Contact Rule gives you some space to reflect on the relationship and why it ended. This can help you gain a better understanding of the issues that may have led to the breakup, and it can help you work through any negative emotions or lingering doubts.

3. The No Contact Rule gives your ex-boyfriend time to reflect on the relationship as well. This can be a good thing because it gives him a chance to miss you and realize that he wants to get back together.

4. The No Contact Rule can help you avoid any further drama or conflict with your ex-boyfriend. If you are constantly arguing or fighting, it can be very difficult to move on and ell. By taking some space, he may be able to cultivate a more positive attitude towards you.

5. The No Contact Rule can help you focus on your own happiness. This is a time to focus on yourself and your own needs, without worrying about your ex-boyfriend. By taking care of yourself, you will be in a better place emotionally and mentally, which can make it easier to get over your ex and move on with your life. Ultimately, the benefits of the No Contact Rule are many, and it can be a powerful tool for anyone going through a breakup. If you are thinking about trying this strategy yourself, just remember to stay positive and stay focused on your own needs.

What is self-respect?

Self-respect is the ability to value and treat yourself with dignity and respect. It involves having a positive view of yourself and trusting in your abilities, as well as honoring your own needs and desires. Other aspects of self-respect include respecting others, standing up for yourself, speaking your mind, and taking care of yourself physically and emotionally.

Tips to develop and show self-respect

1. Develop a positive view of yourself

One of the most important things you can do for your self-respect is to develop a positive view of yourself. This means believing in your own abilities and trusting that you are capable of achieving your goals. It also involves accepting yourself for who you are, flaws and all. If you have trouble developing a positive view of yourself, try spending some time each day doing things that make you feel good about yourself, such as practicing self-care, working on a passion project, or spending time with loved ones.

2. Speak your mind and stand up for yourself

Another key aspect of self-respect is being willing to speak your mind and stand up for yourself. This means having the confidence to share your opinions and beliefs, even if they are different from others. It also means knowing when to say “no” and setting boundaries with others. If you find it difficult to speak up for yourself, try practicing in less challenging situations first, such as with friends or family members. Once you feel more confident, you can start speaking up in more difficult situations.

3. Honor your needs and desires

In order to show self-respect, it is important to honor your own needs and desires. This means listening to your gut instinct and following your heart, even if it means going against the grain. It also involves being kind to yourself and prioritizing your well-being, both physically and emotionally.

4. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally

In addition to honoring your needs and desires, it is essential to take good care of yourself on a physical and emotional level. This means eating healthy foods, getting enough sleep each night, taking time for relaxation and hobbies, and seeking professional help if you are struggling with your mental health.

5. Respect others

Finally, showing self-respect also involves respecting others. This means treating others with kindness and consideration, even if you don’t agree with them. It also includes being open-minded and listening to others’ perspectives, even if they are different from your own. By developing and showing self-respect, you can cultivate healthier relationships with others and a more positive view of yourself.

Conclusion

The No Contact Rule is a commonly recommended strategy for dealing with various relationship challenges.

This can help you take some time to reflect on your feelings and priorities and decide if you really want to get back together with your ex-boyfriend.

However, if you do decide to reach out to your ex, it is important to be honest, patient, and understanding.

This may help you rebuild trust and restore your relationship over time, but there is no guarantee that this will happen. Ultimately, whether or not the No Contact Rule is right for you depends on a number of different factors, including the reasons for your breakup, how long it has been since the split, and what you are hoping to achieve by getting back together.

Can a relationship work after no contact?

There is no definite answer to this question, as the success of a relationship after no contact depends on a number of different factors. These can include how long it has been since the breakup, what led to the split in the first place, and what each partner hopes to achieve by getting back together. However, if you feel like no contact is the right strategy for you, it may help you to work through some of the challenges in your relationship and to improve your chances of getting back together with your ex-boyfriend.

What if I break the no contact rule?

Breaking the no contact rule can have negative consequences for your relationship, such as making it harder to rebuild trust and restore your connection with your ex-boyfriend. However, if you do break this rule unintentionally or by accident, there is no need to worry. Simply take some time to reflect on what happened and try to avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future.

Should I text him first after no contact?

The decision to text your ex-boyfriend first after no contact is a personal one, and there is no right or wrong answer. Ultimately, it depends on factors such as how long it has been since the breakup, what led to the split in the first place, and what you are hoping to achieve by getting back together.

5 Warning Signs That Feels Like Your Husband May Have Lost Interest in You Sexually

In this lesson, you are about to discover the overlap between feeling like your husband has lost interest in you sexually and the reality.

One of the pieces in the ups and downs of the journey in a marriage is attraction and sexual interest levels.

It is very important to be self aware enough to separate your feelings (which are as valid as they come) and the reality.

So with that being said, let’s discuss 5 signs that may confuse you with feeling like your husband has lost interest in you   sexually.

1st Sign – Stress

Your husband may be depressed because of work and money problems may have taken over.

Sometimes when a man is not making headway in his career, he shifts his priorities to work.

Sex can then become a back burner.

This can make you feel inadequate and feel like you are falling short in your duties as a woman.

But maybe his sexual interest level has nothing to do with you.

If his stress has something to do with you, you won’t be able to find out without leaning in and listening emotionally enough to find out.

You can’t listen when you are busy feeling guilty and inadequate about the level of sexual interest from your husband.

Try to approach it in a solution oriented way instead of coming from a finger-pointing stance such as guilt, blame, judgement or condemnation.

Ask for suggestions of how you can help ease off some of the burden that may be stressing him without taking things personally.

So you should do that without emotional attachment to the outcome.

He just may need to feel understood.

2nd Sign that Feels Like Low Sexual Interest – ED (Erectile Dysfunction)

PREVIOUS POST: 5 Signs Your Husband Repulses You Sexually & What To Do

Erectile dysfunction is something some men deal with as they age.

Just in case you are hearing that term or phrase for the first time, it means that a man cannot sustain the erection of his penis during sexual intercourse.

This condition can make some of them lose interest in sex for obvious reasons.

If your husband feels like he is inadequate for you sexually, it can create a vicious cycle because his confidence level is an important mental state necessary to maintain erection.

So try not to address this in the bedroom.

Instead, go on a date with your spouse and have a heart to heart light conversation about spicing things back up in the bedroom.

That will also create an opportunity for you to suggest seeking the help of a medical professional within the right emotional space.

3rd Sign – Complacency or “See finish” as Nigerians Like to Call it.

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It feels like there is lack of connection and no space in your relationship to him or both; someone is feeling smothered.

In fact, you have both become roommates and the energy now feels very awkward.

And before you know it, it’s been 4-5 weeks with no initiations from either party.

Complacency is inevitable in all marriages and the real question is…

Are you prepared for the inevitable?

So since these things have nothing to do with how good of a person you are, don’t take things personally.

But the fact is that you, as an individual, are also partly responsible for where you both are directly or indirectly.

It’s not necessarily a “fault” but more-so a matter of natural occurrence when you, as an adult, consensually choose to get into a relationship with another adult.

So why not take a lead and suggest fun ways to navigate the challenging journey of a highly rewarding and blissful marriage.

Make sure you approach this from the angle of your spouse’s love language.

This will help ease the challenge.

4th Sign that Feels Like Low Sexual Interest – Addiction to Pornography

This is something that may affect your husband mentally and can lower his libido because of unrealistic expectations.

What typical woman do you know who wants to be hanging from the ceiling during sex every night?

Also if your husband can achieve orgasm by himself, there is also a chance that he won’t need you and that can come off as low sexual interest.

This is especially true if you are used to him initiating sex over the course of your marriage especially earlier on.

It’s only natural for you to feel like he is loosing interest sexually in you if he suddenly stops initiating sex.

Pornography (Porn) is a powerful form of entertainment because it offers a counterfeit form of intimacy and attachment.

You may have to get professional help in terms of intensive therapy for both of you where he can get support and an accountability system.

5th Sign – Lack of respect

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The words you say to your husband can make or break him.

If you are in the habit of criticizing him like you are his mother even with good intentions, that may kill his attraction level towards you.

A typical man wants to feel like a hero in his marriage.

Sure respect is earned and I get the likelihood that your husband may have lost the respect due to some circumstances.

But it’s probably time for you to engage your power in your marriage if your choice is to stay in it.

Self awareness is key.

And that’s why it is necessary to identify the possibility of him feeling disrespect from you even if you never meant to.

If this sign hits home for you, now you know the nature of a typical man and that means you can do something about it.

Sow a seed of respect consistently into him and observe if that turns him back on over time.

You are doing it deliberately.

So it can only feel like a fun game with real life rewards over time.

That’s all part of the art of seduction and it’s powerful when you learn how to use it in favor of your marriage and subsequently you.

Conclusion

In your journey of marriage with your husband, you both will individually experience negative and positive moods because you are both humans.

The general dynamic and mood of your experience together will also be a function of all that and more.

So it is important to handle sexual attraction and interest accordingly without taking things personally.

If you feel like sexual attraction is lower than usual or desired, take ownership in building it back up without guilt tripping yourself.

Learn how to seduce your husband into the space where you want him sexually.

Download our free book from:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

For more lessons like this, go to:

www.LOLAandOLA.com/blog

5 Signs Your Husband Repulses You Sexually & What To Do

In this lesson, I will be sharing 5 signs you may have been experiencing to make you feel like your husband repulses you… 

And maybe even disgusts you in more ways than one.

You would probably agree that this is not a fun way to be in a marriage with your husband

and you probably feel guilty already for feeling this way.

Over the years, I’ve had friends who complained bitterly about their husbands not being fully committed to them.

They feel like they are invisible to their men. 

Some of them wonder if their husbands were cheating.

And these are the kinds of feelings that can lead  to feeling disconnected from the husband even after sex.

I’ve personally been in this place to the extent that all I wanted to do was run away from the marriage.

Eventually, I filed for divorce because it felt like there was nothing else to fight for,

…but I am lucky to still be in the same marriage.

So let’s dive in through the 5 signs you may already be experiencing.

1st Sign –

Your Husband Doesn’t Notice You Anymore Can Lead to “My husband repulses me sexually”

If you are feeling like your husband has taken you for granted,

…that is almost the equivalence of feeling rejected in your marriage.

I remember a few years into our marriage when I started to feel like my husband stopped paying attention.

He became oblivious of my needs and desires (I felt like it at the time) and he was lost in his own world.

Eventually, I started to feel disconnected from him to the extent that I started fantasizing about life without my husband.

That’s just the natural progression after feeling like you don’t matter anymore in your marriage.

And if care is not taken, you can also lose yourself.

How did you get into a space where your husband starts to take you for granted?

There is a chance that you are probably way too predictable to keep engaging his attraction towards more of your attention.

He has your attention in excess so naturally, (like the rest of us) we take anything that is readily available for granted.

So if you don’t know what you are doing and  why he does what he does, you eventually start to resent him and get used to the idea of your husband repulsing you.

You need to learn how to flip into being unpredictable.

If you had gotten more involved in your personal purpose, allowing you to give him some space before your resentments started boiling, 

…he would have been more curious about what you are up to effectively seducing him back to noticing you more.

2nd Sign That Leads to Feeling Like Your Husband Repulses You –

Your Husband Stopped Initiating Sex

PREVIOUS POST: 13 Signs That Will Make You Say “My Husband Hates Me” to Yourself

I know your mind may be focused on the possibility of your husband cheating on you but that is not always the case. 

There are many reasons why your husband may have stopped initiating sex.

And it is very important for you to explore those possibilities before concluding in a way that leads to resenting him.

When our marriage was in crisis, I didn’t know any better and that led to my mind creating the worst case scenarios you could ever think of.

What if your husband was going through a tough time with work and he was just too ashamed, scared or he just avoided putting the burden on you?

Instead of leaving your marriage in the hands of fate to figure out for you while you build more resentments towards him, 

…why not start by planning a date night and scheduling sex for a change… 

All that can replace the idea of waiting for him to initiate sex all together in an even more exciting way. 

I know what you are thinking.

You are probably thinking that scheduling sex is boring.

But a scheduled sex is better than not getting any at all in addition to building resentments towards your husband repulsing you.

This method and other similar strategies are just initial ways of giving yourselves something to look forward to until things kick off naturally again. 

As I said earlier, there are other reasons why your husband may have stopped initiating sex besides just putting his legs up in complacency and relaxing in the marriage.

Erectile dysfunction, complacency, normalizing bad marriages are just a few other reasons you should be aware of.  

You will never know unless you engage your power and ask in love.

In some of these cases, you will have to support him by encouraging him to talk to a professional if it comes to that.

But the keyword there is “encourage” and not demanding.

3rd Sign –

Your Husband is Too Busy to Make Time for You

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Unfortunately you have now found yourself in a place where it feels like you are not your husband’s first priority but more of a burden to him.

That is not the ideal husband. Is it? 

I also went through those same emotions for the better part of the first 9 years in our marriage.

Our sex life was actually good.

But it was the feelings that I had after sex that bothered me the most.

It felt like that was all he wanted from me.

If you are going through similar emotions, eventually you will resent your husband just like I did and intimacy will also cease to happen.

And so the only way to get help is to understand the underlying reasons why he seems to be focused on other things rather than your relationship. 

He is your husband.

Don’t wait until your resentments hit the boiling point.

You probably know what gets him in a lighter mood and you can then use it to your advantage,

…to have a heart-to-heart talk in a loving way.

Avoid assumptions, arguments and being judgmental so that he won’t be triggered to shutting down on you and your relationship emotionally.

You see… 

Life can be tough on all of us.

And the person that feels the heat and effect of that the most is the closest person to us which is you; being the wife.

The easiest route to take when you are being hurt emotionally is to get caught up in the emotion.

But the reality is that you can work a little harder because of the rewards.

Find out the “why” and leverage it in the favor of your marriage and most importantly, the underlying relationship.

4th Sign –

Sarcastic Tones can Lead to “My Husband Repulses me Sexually”

Marriage will test the character of both parties in ways that are usually hidden in a blind spot.

Unfortunately, the way these flaws are revealed in your marriage will be in communication break-down.

Why?

Because insecurities come with everyone and reality shows up when a crisis or trauma happens in your relationship.

If your husband seems to call you mean names and makes you feel worthless, he is probably coming from a place of hurt and resentment. 

The purpose of my assertions here is not to create excuses for him…

but to give you the opportunity to understand him psychologically and emotionally.

In fact, he continues to blame you for everything wrong in his life probably because you have tolerated bad behavior.

So you are partly responsible for enabling this behavior since you are also an adult who chose to be in a relationship with him.

As usual if you keep these dynamics up in your marriage, you will get hurt and build resentments as well; which then leads to these feelings of husband repulsion.

So in order to avoid these feelings, you may need to disengage immediately to an extent; until he starts desiring to give into your relationship again.

You need to seduce him until he understands that it is unacceptable and the way you can communicate this is how you allow yourself to be treated. 

It’s time for you to earn respect for yourself by respecting yourself.

Your husband may also be depressed where his sarcastic tone may be his way of coping.

This may sound harsh but you can’t help him if he doesn’t want your help or know he needs it.

So I would advise that you get yourself some support like a professional who can guide you on what you can do to help your relationship.

And also, learn how to look out for yourself so you don’t get burnt out.

5th Sign That Leads to Feeling Like Your Husband Repulses You –

Your Husband Would Rather Confide in Other Women

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You are probably feeling that your husband has become a stranger to you because he would rather share moments and intimacy with other women.

As always, not addressing this as soon as possible will turn to boiling resentments which we are now interpreting as husband repulsion.

It all started from somewhere.

You see… 

Most people think cheating and infidelity is all about stepping out physically on a spouse; that’s inaccurate.

Cheating is happening anytime you are engaged in activities that you are ashamed of and effectively hiding it from your spouse. 

Your spouse might be engaged in an emotional affair.

So you need to ask yourself first…. 

Is your relationship worth saving for you?

If your answer is “yes”, don’t overreact.

Do not confront him about this yet because it might set him off running or shutting down completely.

If you want to save your marriage now, you have work to do personally on yourself. 

You might have found yourself in this situation because you engaged controlling behavior by taking care of your partner to a fault of neediness.

Also engaging in judgmental and disrespectful arguments can make you neglect yourself to the point of losing yourself.

However it’s not too late to get your self-confidence back and start feeling attracted to your husband again.

Now you know that you have choices either to attract your spouse back or move on because you deserve better than what you are feeling now. 

Our motto is the G.P.S which you have to master in order to influence your partner back. 

For more information, please download our book 

GET MY MARRIAGE BACK

…for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com
For more lessons like this, go to www.LOLAandOLA.com/blog

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Is it normal to be disgusted by your husband?

No… it is not normal however many women and wives can feel this type of emotion towards their husband if there is a history of resentments and bottled-up issues.

Why is my husband not interested in me sexually?

There are many reasons he may not be interested in you sexually but there is a good chance it has nothing to do with you. Start with a conversation with an intention to hear him out.

What do you do when your partner is uninterested sexually?

If your partner seems uninterested sexually, attempt a conversation with an intention to hear him out and not to judge.

What are the signs of a bad husband?

The seeming signs of a bad husband are struggles with making you feel heard, abuser who abuses you mentally, emotionally or physically but be mindful that these may also be signs of a man who is struggling internally.