Stages of Divorce Grief

What are the Stages of Divorce Grief?

The stages of divorce grief are similar to the stages of grief that occur when someone dies.

The stages are shock and disbelief, pain and sorrow, anger and resentment, bargaining and guilt, and acceptance and hope. The order in which the stages occur may vary from person to person.

Some people may skip some of the stages or move through them more quickly than others.

It is important to allow yourself to grieve the loss of your marriage and not try to rush through the process.

1. Shock and disbelief: This is often the first stage after learning that your divorce is final. You may feel numb, have difficulty processing what has happened, and experience many other emotions, including sadness, anger, fear, and relief.

2. Pain and sorrow: As the reality of your divorce sets in, you will likely experience deep feelings of loss and grief.

You may find yourself crying often, feeling depressed, and struggling to cope with the changes in your life.

3. Anger and resentment: It is common to feel a range of negative emotions during this stage, including anger, bitterness, resentment, and frustration. You may lash out at your former spouse, friends, and family members.

4. Bargaining and guilt: During this stage, you may find yourself trying to negotiate with your former spouse or hoping for a reconciliation. You may also feel guilty about the divorce and blame yourself for the situation.

5. Acceptance and hope: In this final stage, you accept that the divorce is final and begin to move on with your life.

You may still feel sad and miss your former spouse, but you are able to start rebuilding your life. You may also feel hopeful about the future and find new meaning in your life.

Tips on Coping with Separation and Divorce

1. Recognize That Your Marriage Is Over: This can be difficult to accept, but it is an important step in the grieving process. Once you come to terms with the fact that your marriage is over, you can begin to move on.

2. Be Patient — Grief Takes Time: The stages of grief do not always happen in a linear fashion. You may move back and forth between stages or even skip some altogether.

3. Surround Yourself With People Who Support You — And Let Them Help: It can be helpful to talk to friends and family members who have gone through a divorce. They can offer guidance and support.

4. Practice Excellent Self-Care: During this difficult time, it is important to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. Make sure to eat healthy foods, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly.

5. Feel Your Feelings: It is normal to feel a range of emotions after your divorce. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your marriage.

6. Find Out What’s There Besides Anger, Sadness, And Fear: As you move through the grieving process, you may find that you have new insights about yourself and your life. Allow yourself to explore these new perspectives.

7. Timebox Your Grief: Set aside specific times each day to grieve the loss of your marriage. This can help you to avoid becoming overwhelmed by your emotions.

8. Don’t Hide Your Divorce Grief From Your Kids (But Don’t Freak Them Out, Either)

It is important, to be honest with your children about your divorce. However, you should avoid sharing too much information or putting them in the middle of the situation.

9. Write It Out, Work It Out, Or Just plain Talk It Out: Journaling, therapy, and talking to friends and family members can all be helpful ways to cope with your divorce.

10. Stop Blaming Your Ex and Start Forgiving Them (and Yourself) One of the most important things you can do for yourself is to let go of any resentment and blame you may feel. This can be difficult, but it is an essential part of healing.

11. Remember: You Will Still Be a Part of Your Kid’s Life Even After Divorce Although your family may be changing, you will still be an important part of your children’s lives. Try to maintain a positive relationship with your former spouse for the sake of your kids.

12. Consider Professional Help Many people find it helpful to seek out professional help during the divorce process. A therapist can provide support and guidance as you navigate this difficult time.

If you are facing divorce, it is important to understand the grieving process. By recognizing the stages of grief, you can better prepare yourself for the journey ahead.

Remember, every divorce is unique and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. If you find yourself struggling, don’t hesitate to seek out professional help. With time and patience, you will eventually reach the acceptance and hope stage.

Don’t Suppress Your Feelings While Grieving

Everyone is different and everyone can experience each one of these stages very differently. Allowing yourself the freedom to grieve during a divorce doesn’t make you weak.  In fact, it can actually make you stronger. If you try to bottle up your emotions, they may eventually come out in destructive ways. It’s okay to cry, be angry, and feel sad. These are all normal reactions to loss.

Divorce is a process, not an event. Just as there is no one right way to grieve the death of a loved one, there is no one right way to grieve the loss of a marriage. Allow yourself the time and space to experience all the emotions that come with this major life change. Seek out support from friends and family members, or consider professional help if you need it. With time and patience, you will eventually reach the acceptance and hope stage.

Coping With the Hard Feelings

Coping with grief during a divorce is exceedingly difficult. Feeling all the emotions mentioned in each stage during the process of divorce is common and necessary for moving forward. It is important to surround yourself with people that love you and support you to help you through this painful time. If you are feeling lost, consider professional counseling to help you regain a sense of self and hope for the future.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Signs That Your Husband is Cheating

Ladies, few things in life feel worse than the nagging suspicion that your husband is cheating on you………other than to find out that’s actually the case.

There are a ton of little telltale signs that you may be able to spot that will start your womanly radar ticking.

Some of your man’s actions may end up being innocent enough, but at other times, where there’s smoke, there could be infidelity fire.

Cheating can be in the mind only, purely emotional, or physical, or a combination of all three.

Just like every marriage is different, so too is every case of cheating.

We won’t quote statistics, but studies show that a lot of men (and women for that matter) do contemplate cheating in some way at some point. It’s one way to explain why the nation’s divorce rate currently hovers at around 50 percent.

So, no matter what your degree of suspicion is when it comes to your husband and what’s in his mind, there are a number of things to keep an eye out for.

Don’t take them as gospel by themselves that cheating is going on, but if you see a lot of what follows in your marriage, it may be time for the “we need to talk” intervention.

Frustration in the marriage is one common trigger; the cheater may make several attempts to solve problems to no avail.

Maybe they had second thoughts about getting married or they were jealous over the attention given to a new baby and neither had the skill set to communicate these feelings.

Perhaps the straying spouse has childhood baggage — neglect, abuse, or a parent who cheated — that interferes with his or her ability to maintain a committed relationship.

Less often, the cheater doesn’t value monogamy, lacks empathy, or simply doesn’t care about the consequences.

We will take a look at a number of risk factors and causes for cheating, but it’s important to point out upfront that a partner doesn’t cause their spouse to cheat. Whether it was a cry for help, an exit strategy, or a means to get revenge after being cheated on themselves, the cheater alone is responsible for cheating.

1. He’s suddenly very interested in his appearance.

If your husband was previously indifferent to his appearance and is now spending more time than usual on his hair and clothes, it could be a sign that he’s trying to impress someone else.

He may also be working out more, or paying more attention to his grooming habits in general.

2. He’s working longer hours or taking more business trips.

If your husband’s work schedule has suddenly changed and he’s spending more time at the office or going on more business trips, it could be a sign that he’s cheating.

He may be using work as an excuse to meet someone else or to spend time away from home.

3. He’s become more distant and withdrawn.

If your husband is suddenly acting distant and withdrawn, it could be a sign that he’s cheating.

He may be less interested in talking to you or spending time with you. He may also seem preoccupied and distracted when you are together.

he’s cheating. He may be buying gifts for someone else, or he may be paying for activities that he wouldn’t normally spend money on.

4. He’s being secretive and evasive.

If your husband is being secretive and evasive, it could be a sign that he’s cheating.

He may be hiding his phone or computer from you, or deleting texts and emails without reading them.

He may also be reluctant to share information about his whereabouts or who he’s been spending time with.

5. He’s got a new group of friends.

If your husband has suddenly started hanging out with a new group of friends, it could be a sign that he’s cheating.

He may be spending more time with them than with you, or he may be secretive about who they are and what they do together.

6. He’s acting differently around you.

If your husband is acting differently around you, it could be a sign that he’s cheating.

He may be more critical of you, or he may be more distant and withdrawn.

He may also seem more interested in sex, or he may be less interested in sex.

7. He’s spending more money than usual.

If your husband is spending more money than usual, it could be a sign that he’s cheating.

He may be buying gifts for someone else, or he may be paying for activities that he wouldn’t normally spend money on.

8. What are those charges on the credit card?

If you monitor your monthly credit card statements and you start to see things pop up that you don’t recognize, they may be harmless, or they could be signs of monkey business that’s afoot.

If you can’t match up the expense with the story, that’s a problem. Also, if he’s now paying in cash for things that used to be charged, that’s a money monkey business concern as well.

9. He wants you to stop doing nice things for him.

Sometimes known as the Catholic guilt syndrome. If you’re being kind and considerate, as relationships should be, it could be revving up the conflict in him if he’s thinking about cheating or already doing so.

10. Cheat on me once, shame on you. Cheat on me twice, shame on me.

A spouse who has cheated in the past and gotten caught is more likely to think they can get away by doing a better job of cheating the second time around. If your spouse has a history of cheating, and you suspect cheating is happening again, it may be time to make that spouse a part of your history instead.

Why Do Husbands Cheat?

There are a lot of reasons that husbands cheat on their wives. Sometimes it has to do with the husband’s own insecurities or feeling like he isn’t good enough for his wife.

Sometimes cheating is a way to get revenge after an argument or disagreement. And sometimes, husbands cheat simply because they’re curious or they want to experience something new.

5 Warning Signs That Feels Like Your Husband May Have Lost Interest in You Sexually

In this lesson, you are about to discover the overlap between feeling like your husband has lost interest in you sexually and the reality.

One of the pieces in the ups and downs of the journey in a marriage is attraction and sexual interest levels.

It is very important to be self aware enough to separate your feelings (which are as valid as they come) and the reality.

So with that being said, let’s discuss 5 signs that may confuse you with feeling like your husband has lost interest in you   sexually.

1st Sign – Stress

Your husband may be depressed because of work and money problems may have taken over.

Sometimes when a man is not making headway in his career, he shifts his priorities to work.

Sex can then become a back burner.

This can make you feel inadequate and feel like you are falling short in your duties as a woman.

But maybe his sexual interest level has nothing to do with you.

If his stress has something to do with you, you won’t be able to find out without leaning in and listening emotionally enough to find out.

You can’t listen when you are busy feeling guilty and inadequate about the level of sexual interest from your husband.

Try to approach it in a solution oriented way instead of coming from a finger-pointing stance such as guilt, blame, judgement or condemnation.

Ask for suggestions of how you can help ease off some of the burden that may be stressing him without taking things personally.

So you should do that without emotional attachment to the outcome.

He just may need to feel understood.

2nd Sign that Feels Like Low Sexual Interest – ED (Erectile Dysfunction)

PREVIOUS POST: 5 Signs Your Husband Repulses You Sexually & What To Do

Erectile dysfunction is something some men deal with as they age.

Just in case you are hearing that term or phrase for the first time, it means that a man cannot sustain the erection of his penis during sexual intercourse.

This condition can make some of them lose interest in sex for obvious reasons.

If your husband feels like he is inadequate for you sexually, it can create a vicious cycle because his confidence level is an important mental state necessary to maintain erection.

So try not to address this in the bedroom.

Instead, go on a date with your spouse and have a heart to heart light conversation about spicing things back up in the bedroom.

That will also create an opportunity for you to suggest seeking the help of a medical professional within the right emotional space.

3rd Sign – Complacency or “See finish” as Nigerians Like to Call it.

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It feels like there is lack of connection and no space in your relationship to him or both; someone is feeling smothered.

In fact, you have both become roommates and the energy now feels very awkward.

And before you know it, it’s been 4-5 weeks with no initiations from either party.

Complacency is inevitable in all marriages and the real question is…

Are you prepared for the inevitable?

So since these things have nothing to do with how good of a person you are, don’t take things personally.

But the fact is that you, as an individual, are also partly responsible for where you both are directly or indirectly.

It’s not necessarily a “fault” but more-so a matter of natural occurrence when you, as an adult, consensually choose to get into a relationship with another adult.

So why not take a lead and suggest fun ways to navigate the challenging journey of a highly rewarding and blissful marriage.

Make sure you approach this from the angle of your spouse’s love language.

This will help ease the challenge.

4th Sign that Feels Like Low Sexual Interest – Addiction to Pornography

This is something that may affect your husband mentally and can lower his libido because of unrealistic expectations.

What typical woman do you know who wants to be hanging from the ceiling during sex every night?

Also if your husband can achieve orgasm by himself, there is also a chance that he won’t need you and that can come off as low sexual interest.

This is especially true if you are used to him initiating sex over the course of your marriage especially earlier on.

It’s only natural for you to feel like he is loosing interest sexually in you if he suddenly stops initiating sex.

Pornography (Porn) is a powerful form of entertainment because it offers a counterfeit form of intimacy and attachment.

You may have to get professional help in terms of intensive therapy for both of you where he can get support and an accountability system.

5th Sign – Lack of respect

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The words you say to your husband can make or break him.

If you are in the habit of criticizing him like you are his mother even with good intentions, that may kill his attraction level towards you.

A typical man wants to feel like a hero in his marriage.

Sure respect is earned and I get the likelihood that your husband may have lost the respect due to some circumstances.

But it’s probably time for you to engage your power in your marriage if your choice is to stay in it.

Self awareness is key.

And that’s why it is necessary to identify the possibility of him feeling disrespect from you even if you never meant to.

If this sign hits home for you, now you know the nature of a typical man and that means you can do something about it.

Sow a seed of respect consistently into him and observe if that turns him back on over time.

You are doing it deliberately.

So it can only feel like a fun game with real life rewards over time.

That’s all part of the art of seduction and it’s powerful when you learn how to use it in favor of your marriage and subsequently you.

Conclusion

In your journey of marriage with your husband, you both will individually experience negative and positive moods because you are both humans.

The general dynamic and mood of your experience together will also be a function of all that and more.

So it is important to handle sexual attraction and interest accordingly without taking things personally.

If you feel like sexual attraction is lower than usual or desired, take ownership in building it back up without guilt tripping yourself.

Learn how to seduce your husband into the space where you want him sexually.

Download our free book from:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

For more lessons like this, go to:

www.LOLAandOLA.com/blog

5 Signs Your Husband Repulses You Sexually & What To Do

In this lesson, I will be sharing 5 signs you may have been experiencing to make you feel like your husband repulses you… 

And maybe even disgusts you in more ways than one.

You would probably agree that this is not a fun way to be in a marriage with your husband

and you probably feel guilty already for feeling this way.

Over the years, I’ve had friends who complained bitterly about their husbands not being fully committed to them.

They feel like they are invisible to their men. 

Some of them wonder if their husbands were cheating.

And these are the kinds of feelings that can lead  to feeling disconnected from the husband even after sex.

I’ve personally been in this place to the extent that all I wanted to do was run away from the marriage.

Eventually, I filed for divorce because it felt like there was nothing else to fight for,

…but I am lucky to still be in the same marriage.

So let’s dive in through the 5 signs you may already be experiencing.

1st Sign –

Your Husband Doesn’t Notice You Anymore Can Lead to “My husband repulses me sexually”

If you are feeling like your husband has taken you for granted,

…that is almost the equivalence of feeling rejected in your marriage.

I remember a few years into our marriage when I started to feel like my husband stopped paying attention.

He became oblivious of my needs and desires (I felt like it at the time) and he was lost in his own world.

Eventually, I started to feel disconnected from him to the extent that I started fantasizing about life without my husband.

That’s just the natural progression after feeling like you don’t matter anymore in your marriage.

And if care is not taken, you can also lose yourself.

How did you get into a space where your husband starts to take you for granted?

There is a chance that you are probably way too predictable to keep engaging his attraction towards more of your attention.

He has your attention in excess so naturally, (like the rest of us) we take anything that is readily available for granted.

So if you don’t know what you are doing and  why he does what he does, you eventually start to resent him and get used to the idea of your husband repulsing you.

You need to learn how to flip into being unpredictable.

If you had gotten more involved in your personal purpose, allowing you to give him some space before your resentments started boiling, 

…he would have been more curious about what you are up to effectively seducing him back to noticing you more.

2nd Sign That Leads to Feeling Like Your Husband Repulses You –

Your Husband Stopped Initiating Sex

PREVIOUS POST: 13 Signs That Will Make You Say “My Husband Hates Me” to Yourself

I know your mind may be focused on the possibility of your husband cheating on you but that is not always the case. 

There are many reasons why your husband may have stopped initiating sex.

And it is very important for you to explore those possibilities before concluding in a way that leads to resenting him.

When our marriage was in crisis, I didn’t know any better and that led to my mind creating the worst case scenarios you could ever think of.

What if your husband was going through a tough time with work and he was just too ashamed, scared or he just avoided putting the burden on you?

Instead of leaving your marriage in the hands of fate to figure out for you while you build more resentments towards him, 

…why not start by planning a date night and scheduling sex for a change… 

All that can replace the idea of waiting for him to initiate sex all together in an even more exciting way. 

I know what you are thinking.

You are probably thinking that scheduling sex is boring.

But a scheduled sex is better than not getting any at all in addition to building resentments towards your husband repulsing you.

This method and other similar strategies are just initial ways of giving yourselves something to look forward to until things kick off naturally again. 

As I said earlier, there are other reasons why your husband may have stopped initiating sex besides just putting his legs up in complacency and relaxing in the marriage.

Erectile dysfunction, complacency, normalizing bad marriages are just a few other reasons you should be aware of.  

You will never know unless you engage your power and ask in love.

In some of these cases, you will have to support him by encouraging him to talk to a professional if it comes to that.

But the keyword there is “encourage” and not demanding.

3rd Sign –

Your Husband is Too Busy to Make Time for You

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Unfortunately you have now found yourself in a place where it feels like you are not your husband’s first priority but more of a burden to him.

That is not the ideal husband. Is it? 

I also went through those same emotions for the better part of the first 9 years in our marriage.

Our sex life was actually good.

But it was the feelings that I had after sex that bothered me the most.

It felt like that was all he wanted from me.

If you are going through similar emotions, eventually you will resent your husband just like I did and intimacy will also cease to happen.

And so the only way to get help is to understand the underlying reasons why he seems to be focused on other things rather than your relationship. 

He is your husband.

Don’t wait until your resentments hit the boiling point.

You probably know what gets him in a lighter mood and you can then use it to your advantage,

…to have a heart-to-heart talk in a loving way.

Avoid assumptions, arguments and being judgmental so that he won’t be triggered to shutting down on you and your relationship emotionally.

You see… 

Life can be tough on all of us.

And the person that feels the heat and effect of that the most is the closest person to us which is you; being the wife.

The easiest route to take when you are being hurt emotionally is to get caught up in the emotion.

But the reality is that you can work a little harder because of the rewards.

Find out the “why” and leverage it in the favor of your marriage and most importantly, the underlying relationship.

4th Sign –

Sarcastic Tones can Lead to “My Husband Repulses me Sexually”

Marriage will test the character of both parties in ways that are usually hidden in a blind spot.

Unfortunately, the way these flaws are revealed in your marriage will be in communication break-down.

Why?

Because insecurities come with everyone and reality shows up when a crisis or trauma happens in your relationship.

If your husband seems to call you mean names and makes you feel worthless, he is probably coming from a place of hurt and resentment. 

The purpose of my assertions here is not to create excuses for him…

but to give you the opportunity to understand him psychologically and emotionally.

In fact, he continues to blame you for everything wrong in his life probably because you have tolerated bad behavior.

So you are partly responsible for enabling this behavior since you are also an adult who chose to be in a relationship with him.

As usual if you keep these dynamics up in your marriage, you will get hurt and build resentments as well; which then leads to these feelings of husband repulsion.

So in order to avoid these feelings, you may need to disengage immediately to an extent; until he starts desiring to give into your relationship again.

You need to seduce him until he understands that it is unacceptable and the way you can communicate this is how you allow yourself to be treated. 

It’s time for you to earn respect for yourself by respecting yourself.

Your husband may also be depressed where his sarcastic tone may be his way of coping.

This may sound harsh but you can’t help him if he doesn’t want your help or know he needs it.

So I would advise that you get yourself some support like a professional who can guide you on what you can do to help your relationship.

And also, learn how to look out for yourself so you don’t get burnt out.

5th Sign That Leads to Feeling Like Your Husband Repulses You –

Your Husband Would Rather Confide in Other Women

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You are probably feeling that your husband has become a stranger to you because he would rather share moments and intimacy with other women.

As always, not addressing this as soon as possible will turn to boiling resentments which we are now interpreting as husband repulsion.

It all started from somewhere.

You see… 

Most people think cheating and infidelity is all about stepping out physically on a spouse; that’s inaccurate.

Cheating is happening anytime you are engaged in activities that you are ashamed of and effectively hiding it from your spouse. 

Your spouse might be engaged in an emotional affair.

So you need to ask yourself first…. 

Is your relationship worth saving for you?

If your answer is “yes”, don’t overreact.

Do not confront him about this yet because it might set him off running or shutting down completely.

If you want to save your marriage now, you have work to do personally on yourself. 

You might have found yourself in this situation because you engaged controlling behavior by taking care of your partner to a fault of neediness.

Also engaging in judgmental and disrespectful arguments can make you neglect yourself to the point of losing yourself.

However it’s not too late to get your self-confidence back and start feeling attracted to your husband again.

Now you know that you have choices either to attract your spouse back or move on because you deserve better than what you are feeling now. 

Our motto is the G.P.S which you have to master in order to influence your partner back. 

For more information, please download our book 

GET MY MARRIAGE BACK

…for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com
For more lessons like this, go to www.LOLAandOLA.com/blog

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Is it normal to be disgusted by your husband?

No… it is not normal however many women and wives can feel this type of emotion towards their husband if there is a history of resentments and bottled-up issues.

Why is my husband not interested in me sexually?

There are many reasons he may not be interested in you sexually but there is a good chance it has nothing to do with you. Start with a conversation with an intention to hear him out.

What do you do when your partner is uninterested sexually?

If your partner seems uninterested sexually, attempt a conversation with an intention to hear him out and not to judge.

What are the signs of a bad husband?

The seeming signs of a bad husband are struggles with making you feel heard, abuser who abuses you mentally, emotionally or physically but be mindful that these may also be signs of a man who is struggling internally.