Rough Transcript Below.

First of all, you need to identify,

Do an inventory and write down everything that happened, because you don’t just get here overnight.

Unless you’re deceiving yourself, it didn’t just happen overnight.

She was complaining about a few things even though those things may not be true, it doesn’t matter if it’s true.

It doesn’t matter if it’s right and wrong, but she was complaining about some things before you got to where you got to.

And if you don’t know what those things are, maybe you should have a conversation just to find out what those things are.

Just to listen, not to justify yourself because if you are going to make her fall in love with you again, you’re gonna already justify yourself.

You’re gonna feel justified already.

You don’t need her to validate you, you don’t need to seek approval from her before you feel justified,

…you don’t need any of that.

If you’re gonna attract her back to you, if you’re gonna make her fall in love with you again,

…you need to be confident about your abilities to do exactly that.

How do you become confident?

You don’t become confident by saying “I’m confident”, you show it with your actions.

She gets to judge if you’re confident or not because if you just have confidence, that you are enough.

That you don’t need approval, that you don’t need validation without using your words.

If you just have that and she gets to see that and she gets to be the judge of that, that’s automatic.

That’s basically the equivalence of her fall in love with you again because she will wonder how to help that happen.

But I was saying, basically, you need to outline everything she complained about, that’s number one.

You need to outline everything that you feel like you may have done wrong.

That you feel like you may have been better at, maybe not wrong or right, but better at.

Maybe it’s your conduct, maybe it’s the way you handle yourself,

…maybe is how you show up as a husband, maybe it is because you may have been narcissistic.

You may have shown some insecurities as a man.

A lot of men have insecurities and the way they show that the way it manifests can turn off a woman.

So whatever it is, it may not be insecurity, it may not be any of these psychological things.

It may be literally physical things, maybe you drink a lot or you smoke a lot.

There are things she’s been complaining about.

Maybe about your family, she doesn’t feel like you guys are going in the positive direction when it comes to your financial situation.

Whatever it is that she is complaining about, you need to outline all those things.

PREVIOUS POST: “Does My Wife MISS ME During SEPARATION?”

You need to write down, take the time to do that.

Now let’s focus on emotion because 90% of what happened, is probably emotional.

There’s a way you have been showing up.

If you apologize too much, stop apologizing,

…If you never apologize, it may be time to tender an apology.

Your apology does not necessarily have to be about something in particular.

It could be simply “I apologize for the part I played in the breakdown of our relationship”.

She may think that’s manipulative, if she thinks that’s manipulative there’s a good chance that you’ve apologized too much in the past.

But if she’s hearing an apology for the first time from you ever, she’s going to value that.

That doesn’t mean she’s gonna just fall in love immediately with you.

Time has to play a role in this, patience has to play a role on this.

I mean patience to the point that you will almost give up.

So in other words, you need to have Infinite Patience.

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How do you have infinite patience?

Well, you have to have a purpose driven life, things that kind of take your time,

…take your mind away from the situation with your marriage and your relationship authentically.

If you’re just pretending to take your mind off of it, it won’t work.

You need a purpose driven life, you need to find a purpose.

That’s your personal purpose in life, that’s bigger than your wife and yourself,

…something bigger than life.

That thing must be time and energy consuming enough to take you away and then you have to deliberately say, “you know what, let me check on my wife. Let me see how she’s doing” and simply just checking on her.

Especially if you’ve never done that in the past.

If you’ve done that way too much, you need to back off.

See whatever you’ve always done, do the opposite especially the emotional things so that she can start to wonder what is going on with you.

Are you growing or are you moving in a different direction?

The keyword is “wonder”.

She needs to wonder about you, if he doesn’t wonder about you or what you’re up to, that’s basically the opposite of attraction.

She cannot fall in love with something that she’s already familiar with especially if she considers it negative.

So if I’m gonna leave you one thing in this video,

Outline, do an inventory of everything especially the emotional stuff that you’ve always done, and flip it.

When you flip it you will create a newness, you will create a spark.

You will create something exciting and brand new, and she will start to wonder,

…and then you need to add time and patience onto that and in addition to that, your personal purpose, you cannot pretend to be patient.

If you try to pretend to be patient it will backfire and the next time you have an episode, It’s gonna make things worse.

And then she will move further away from you, especially emotionally.

So, how to make your wife fall in love with you again after separation?

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She needs something new and exciting and you’re capable of doing it because it’s probably attached to your personal growth, too.

So with that being said, make sure you download the book “Get My Marriage Back”.

You need to read it 10 to 15 times so that you can put our story behind, you can relate, you can see all the lessons in it and you can see the lessons of attraction.

The attachment that you may be exercising, you may have been showing some level of unhealthy attachment in your relationship,

…and you’ll be able to identify that because of the stories that we tell in the book.

10 to 15 times, you need to read it because you need to be able to teach it in your dream in order to answer your question,

How to make your wife fall in love with you again after separation?

But that’s the tip right there, do the opposite of everything you’ve done.

And I’m not talking about the right and wrong stuff, that has nothing to do with the breakdown of your marriage.

It’s purely emotional, and you can do it.

Hopefully you have been enlightened and educated.

I’ll see you on the next one and peace.

Question: “Does My Wife MISS ME During SEPARATION?”

It depends, but let me give you the different nuances.

Separation in my opinion, it’s always a good thing.

If you find yourself in a place or at least one person finding himself in a place where they’re asking for separation, that’s actually a good thing.

I know it’s in a twisted weird way, it’s a good thing because what is the worst or what is the alternative?

The alternative is that you’ll live in a toxic marriage.

Yes, you may not see it coming, especially as men.

Usually if your wife asks you for separation, you don’t see it coming because we tend to be oblivious to the reality of what’s going on emotionally in the relationship.

We tend to become complacent.

Most people become complacent in the relationship period, not just men,

…but men, a lot of us don’t see it when it’s coming.

It’s usually extremely shocking, I mean it’s a terrible thing to hear that your wife wants separation,

…especially if she wants divorce, that she wants to separate from you.

That’s a painful and terrible thing to experience.

We, my wife and I went through something like that.

Some people suggest trial separation, some people suggest separation in the same house, which is kind of weird.

We did, we went through separation in the same house, but it wasn’t intentional.

I felt like if it’s intentional, if we kind of decided we wanted to do that, that would be weird and probably wouldn’t work.

But we kind of became roommates during our 9th year in marriage.

We’re just roommates, basically.

We did that obviously because of our kids and their many reasons why people do things like that,

…But separation is what we’re talking about.

Does my wife miss me during separation?

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The straightforward answer to that is, Yes they will,

…but it also depends on the extent of the damage that your marriage and relationship, especially your relationship with your wife.

It depends on the extent of the damages that you may have created knowingly, mostly unknowingly.

Most people don’t just be in the marriage and say, “Hey, I wanna damage the relationship”.

Most people are just being people right, good people.

Good people who are oblivious, they think they are the greatest person in the world, they think they came from a great family.

They think they have been perfect, it’s just always the other person’s fault.

Most people on both sides feel that same way, but that’s the thing with emotions.

That’s the thing with relationships, it’s not about right and wrong.

It’s not about who knows how to do it the best.

For the most part it’s about emotional intelligence.

So now let’s stick to the emotions.

Let’s stick to the psychology of a relationship.

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Will a person who used to spend a lot of time with you, miss you during separation?

Yes, of course.

…But it also depends on how toxic that relationship was.

If they separated from you, meaning they go to the other side, they go to the greener,

…you know how they say, “the grass is not always greener on the other side”.

That’s not always true.

Sometimes that relationship was so toxic, that the grass was actually greener on the other side.

For the most part, No the grass is not greener on the other side.

Every relationship you get into will have its own issues and will be completely new and will create a shock,

That’s why I said separation for the most part, 99% of the time is not a bad thing.

It’s like “distance makes the heart go fonder”, that’s a saying.

That’s a cliche, which is true that distance makes the heart fonder, so you want to allow it.

If somebody is asking for separation, they’re asking for space and time, that’s exactly what you wanna give them.

You know why?

Because they will miss you.

Especially if you are emotionally centered yourself that you’re in that space that is actually okay with you, for them to take that time.

Sometimes it’s not just full blown separation from your marriage.

Sometimes they’re just asking for a trip with their girlfriends.

Yeah, that may be shocking to you from where you came from, your family, your culture,

…it may be completely a taboo that a wife would ask for time to go spend with friends in Cancun.

Somewhere it may be crazy to your head because of your background, but that very same thing could be detrimental to your marriage and relationship.

You wanna basically love in the way that the other person feels free.

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So the real question is that, will my wife miss me during separation?

Yes.

Does your wife miss you right now during separation?

You are asking meaning you are already in separation and you’re asking if your wife misses you.

Yes, but here’s the kicker, you wanna be patient.

You don’t want to say “hey, because she missed me, let me pick up the phone and start calling them right now”.

Wrong move.

If she checked out and she asked for separation, you wanna wait for proper signs.

I did another video on the signs that your wife is ready to reconcile during separation.

So you wanna make sure you wait for the signs.

You wanna make sure that the around you wanna make sure that is natural.

Because again, love has to feel natural.

Even though you’re deliberately, you have to get to a place, eventually your marriage,

…where you’re deliberately loving somebody, you learn the actual act of loving a person.

You want to make sure it still feels like a feeling, because that’s attraction, right?

If it feels forced, it’s gonna backfire, it’s gonna work completely against you.

Question: “How Do You Tell If Your Wife STILL LOVES YOU After SEPARATION?”

There are a couple of things that I wanted to mention here.

First of all, you don’t try to tell, it’s not worth it.

Here’s why,

I know you want your wife back or your family back and wanna make things work again,

…but we’re talking about emotional and psychological factors that play a big role in this situation.

If you don’t show that anyone else wants you or if you don’t show that you have options, there’s a good chance that your wife doesn’t want you back.

At least not yet.

So, How do you tell if your wife still loves you after separation?

You wait until she tells you.

That’s number one.

When she tells you that “I still love you”, believe her.

Even at that, you don’t want to just jump at it and like “I’m excited. She still loves me.”

You don’t wanna do that because that will backfire but if she hasn’t told you there’s a good chance that she’s not in love with you.

By the way, if your wife was ever your wife and she ever told you she loves you, she probably still loves you,

…But that’s a completely different thing from, she’s still in love with you.

Does she feel like she’s in love with you right now?

There’s a good chance that she’s not.

It depends on how particular you are about that.

You don’t wanna make that a big deal, if you make it a big deal that becomes a big deal.

If she’s not in love with you right now, she’s just not in love with you right now.

It’s temporary.

PREVIOUS POST: 3 Signs My SEPARATED WIFE Wants to RECONCILE

Depending on your level of patience and if you’ve been working on yourself, that is what’s going to determine if she will ever come back to you,

…or if she will ever say to you that she loves you.

See, a woman will not tell you she loves you if she doesn’t feel like she’s in love with you.

Love and Being in Love with you are two different things.

Loving a person is the action thing that you do.

There are multiple different meanings of love but for the purpose of the scope of this video,

…we’re talking about being in love with you, or she loves you.

She can tell you should love you and not be in love with you.

That really doesn’t do you any good.

The real question you’re trying to get answered is that,

…is she in a place where she can come back to you, if she can come back home or if you can go back home, because you’re in the midst of a separation.

I would say you’re worried about the wrong things.

So first of all, wait for her to tell you.

There are a lot of things that will happen before she actually gets to tell you that she loves you again.

Which means she feels like she’s in love with you.

A lot of things that have to align depending on the damages that your marriage has encountered over time.

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How far is the damage?

We don’t know, I don’t know unless I actually coach you personally and I talked to you.

So I don’t know the extent of the damages but either way, it doesn’t matter.

You’re gonna have to have what I call infinite patience.

You have to have patience.

That’s extremely difficult when you don’t have a personal purpose and mission in life that basically preoccupies your time,

… that you don’t really have time to be wondering if she still loves you or not.

So if you’re wondering if she still loves you or not, there’s a good chance that she’s not attracted to you right now.

There’s a good chance that you have too much time in your hands and you’re busy wondering if she still loves you.

You need to find a way to deliberately create attraction between you and your wife in a way that she’s the one that starts to wonder about you.

If she starts to wonder about you, that’s directly equivalent to still in love with you, wanting to get back with you, wanting to move back home or asking you to come back home.

Basically saying, “I love you. I want us to work on it now”.

Now, how patients can you possibly be in order to wait for that to happen?

If you don’t feel like you can be that patient, that’s exactly why she doesn’t love you right now.

Basically, you don’t respect yourself.

You don’t have self respect, you don’t have self love, you don’t have a healthy level of pride about self love.

To the extent where, I’m not telling you to be arrogant.

That’s not what I’m telling you.

I’m just trying to tell you that she doesn’t want you if you don’t come off as confident about yourself.

She will probably not want you, she’s not the only one that won’t want you.

Everybody else would not want you if they feel like you’re lacking confidence because there’s something that all of us are attracted to.

Even us men as far as being attracted to a woman, we love a confident woman.

You love a confident woman.

She also loves a confident man.

So how can you showcase confidence?

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How can you showcase confidence that “well, she’s gonna come back to you. She belongs with you”

See that attitude?

It’s not an attitude as negative or arrogant or nasty or narcissistic in any way.

It’s an attitude of confidence that you know that God has the best for you and any time you see her,

…I just showcase that by still being loving.

I’m not saying you love her, but being loving, friendly and giving her the freedom to decide when she wants to come back to you.

That’s how you tell if your wife still loves you.

How do you tell if your wife still loves you after separation?

Wait for her.

The real question is that, “how can I tell if you still love yourself?”

I can’t tell that you still love yourself.

You may love yourself but I can’t tell you still love yourself enough for her to love you,

…because you are still asking this question, How do you tell if your wife still loves you after separation?

How about getting the attitude of,

“she loves you anyway, I know she loves me anyway but I’m gonna wait for her to tell me, and I’m gonna move on until then. I’m gonna live my life,a blissful, happy, fruitful, purposeful, mission driven life”

…Because that’s exactly what’s gonna attract that.

That’s all I have for you on this video.

Hopefully you’ve been enlightened and educated.

Go to LolaAndOla.com and go get your hands on the book ”Get My Marriage Back”.

You need to read the book 10 to 15 times.

If you cherry pick around videos, it won’t work.

You need to learn the skills of attracting a woman even if she is separated from you,

…by the way, it’s easier if he’s separated from you but you have to learn the skill set.

That’s all I have, see you on the next one, peace.

Question: “3 Signs My SEPARATED WIFE Wants to RECONCILE”

Today I want to share with you the “3 Signs My separated wife wants to reconcile”.

So there are three signs that I want to share with you,

…there are probably a couple more signs than three, but these three are the most important as far as I can see.

You didn’t just get here overnight like your separation did not just happen overnight, right?

Things started to happen probably over years, for the most part it’s over a year.

Bottom line is that over a period of time, there was a breakdown in your relationship or in your marriage and it led to a separation.

It’s not a matter of right and wrong as usual, it’s not a matter if who is more right who is more wrong.

It’s about who wants the marriage back and who wants to get back together.

Whoever is the one who wants the marriage back is the one that needs to seemingly do most of the work,

I used the word seemingly very carefully because a lot of time people may be quiet.

They may seem like they shut down and they don’t want the marriage back,

…but they are in fact doing most of the emotional work involved in potentially getting the marriage back.

It’s painful for anyone to want to end a marriage, even if they’re the one initiating in ending the marriage.

It’s a painful thing to go through for both the person who shuts down and the person who got shut down on.

With that being said, let’s get into the 3 Signs:

1. She is friendly.

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So if she’s being friendly, it’s not a 100% green light but it’s somewhat a yellow light.

You know there are certain countries, just in case you don’t know,

There are certain countries in the world that the yellow light comes on first before the green light comes on.

Here in the United States, it’s not like that.

It goes from red to green and then you can take off, but there’s some certain part of the world where it goes to yellow first.

Just like saying “Get ready you’re about to take off” right?

You don’t want to look up for some kind of yellow light and that’s usually when she’s being friendly.

It’s not a guarantee that she’s ready to get back together, but at that point in time, you also can let down your guard.

See, you may think you’re the one that wants the marriage back and you’re the one doing most of the work.

Like I said earlier, that’s not necessarily true.

That would only be true if there is no emotion involved in the situation.

Some people, the way they shut down is by literally expressing to you that they want out,

…some people are by begging that they want to keep the marriage.

You can in fact be saying “I want to keep the marriage”, but in fact you have exited and that’s what caused the breakdown of the marriage (topic for another day).

Again, if she’s being friendly, that could be a sign that she’s ready to reconcile,

…that doesn’t mean you should run towards her and start going crazy.

You’ll find out why I say that in sign number 3.

2. She Spends Time Around You.

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Typically, when somebody is not open to the idea of reconciling, they don’t want to spend time with you.

As a matter of fact, you’ll notice that even if they have to drop off babies, they want to drop off the babies and just keep it moving.

If they have to end up in a situation in the room with you, with other friends, they tend to avoid that,

… because they’re going through the emotional turmoils of the breakdown of the relationship.

They feel hurt, the keyword is Feeling Hurt.

So you don’t want to dwell on the fact that they are hurt or maybe you’re the one that hurt them.

You don’t wanna be too particular about that.

If they feel hurt, validate that and it’s okay, it doesn’t mean you hurt them but they feel hurt.

So that’s typically what happens when a person is exiting a relationship or they’re not in a position to reconcile.

They don’t want to spend time with you.

But with time, if you give them time, they tend to look into the past with a rose gold color lens.

They’ll look at the good things if you stay out of their face, if you give them that time.

So if you’ve given them that time and they start to spend some time with you.

Subconsciously they start to forget the bad experiences that made them decide that they wanted to exist in the first place and they start to spend time with you…

That could be a good sign that they want to reconcile.

3. You Have Worked on Yourself.

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See, it doesn’t matter if you feel like you’re not the one at fault.

It doesn’t matter if you feel like you’re the one that’s been lifting or carrying the marriage or relationship for a long time.

Something happened and usually it’s something about yourself about how you handle yourself emotionally.

We don’t know what that is unless I talk to you personally but something happened for sure 100% that was also part of the reason why the marriage or the relationship broke down.

Whatever that thing that happened, whatever that thing is, you need to figure it out

…and you need to work on yourself first, before you try to reconcile with your wife.

If you don’t, the next breakdown is gonna be worse and it could be a lot more damaging.

One of the things here is that you need to understand that time and patients are part of the formula to reconciling and bringing your marriage back to where you want it to be.

Into bliss and to happiness right.

So don’t shut yourself, don’t shortchange yourself when it comes to the time that’s required to do that,

…work on yourself.

If you’ve made sure that you’ve worked on yourself, you will also find out that sign #1 and #2 probably already started to play out.

Meaning they are being friendly (#1) and then they start to spend time around you (#2).

They could blame it on the children for any other reasons, it’s because of friends,

…but they are okay with the idea of spending time around you.

It’s usually a sign that you’ve worked on yourself, which is sign #3.

Those are the three signs that it may be time that your separated wife wants to reconcile with you.

Just make sure those three things are in place and then you can potentially look for signs to come in and ask for a date or to have a conversation,

But if you don’t see those signs, if you haven’t worked on yourself especially #3, don’t bother.

It’s not worth it to be in a toxic relationship or marriage, it’s just never worth it.

You wanna be in a relationship where people respect each other, where people are absolutely happy.

Giving each other freedom to be in that relationship, it needs to feel like freedom, period.

That’s all I have for you right now.

Go to LolaAndOla.com or you could simply go to GetMyMarriageBack.com and claim free access to the free book.

All you have to do is pay for the membership, It’s a one time fee.

We put a nice deal over there for you, you’re gonna get over $500 worth of bonuses.

Just for being a part of the membership or family here, where we basically work together to nurture marriages, to nurture families, to make sure that you don’t become a statistic.

That’s 50% horrible statistics of marriages falling apart.

That’s all I for you on this episode, we’ll see on the next one.

Peace.