Category: Marriage Advice For Men

Question: “My Wife Is NOT ATTRACTED To Me Anymore”

If you are experiencing a situation where you feel like your wife is not attracted to you anymore,

…I know that feeling and it’s usually not your fault.

For me, it wasn’t my fault so there’s a good chance it’s not your fault.

So relax and let’s study together.

What will bring your wife to a place where she’s acting like she’s not attracted to you anymore?

What does that mean exactly?

Can we spell this out?

Does that mean your wife doesn’t wanna have sex with you anymore?

She doesn’t like the idea of touching in public or even privately, she’s not affectionate right now, she’s not feeling it.

Well, there are many reasons why that could happen.

Like if your wife just had a baby, there is a good chance that there’s a lot of things going on with her body, from a hormonal standpoint.

So you wanna be aware, you want to study or you wanna learn these things,

…but let’s just assume that it’s not because she just had a baby, let’s just assume that suddenly something like that just happened.

Some people will go to the angle of, is she seeing somebody else?

Is there somebody at the job?

What could it be?

First of all, the good news is that it doesn’t have to be someone else that she’s seeing,

…it could be, but it doesn’t have to be.

But even if it’s someone else, the worst thing you wanna worry about, is that person.

In your mind, you should look at that person as a loser because if a woman does not have enough integrity to hold on to the commitment she has with you,

…just because she is filled in, then whoever attracts her, he’s probably a loser so don’t worry about that too much.

However, let’s worry about your relationship with your wife.

There is something missing and usually it’s not because you’re lacking.

It’s the relationship itself, it’s not any of the individuals.

See when we have a relationship, we start with excitement, with it’s very highs, higher highs and higher lows,

…but unfortunately in life we get complacent and everyone relaxes.

We get to know each other and then naturally we start to take each other for granted.

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Whoever gets to that turning point first, will basically reject the other person and the other person will feel that rejection,

…and that breeds obsession,

But honestly it’s not just you, it’s on both ends.

Whoever rejects first will create obsession on the other end and it’s not necessarily your fault.

It’s just something that happens to the best of us in life, especially in the longer term relationship like marriage.

So what are the things that you need to do?

First of all, it’s okay to accept it like ”yes she is not attracted right now”, because attraction is temporary in nature.

If you do some things in a long term or long enough, then it feels like that is a marriage relationship goal, it feels like you’re always attracted to each other.

Yes, because you’ve stored long enough in your love tank.

However, if you haven’t figured this out yet and you are still experiencing this situation where you feel like your wife is not attracted to you,

…then there’s one,two or three things that you should learn.

The first thing you should learn is that your wife will only be attracted to you if you are attracted to yourself.

There is a thing about confidence that attracts anyone in life.

Even men or women, when you have confidence and everyone can feel it and you’re basically beaming confidence out of your body, everyone is attracted to that.

So if you’re showing off with insecurities, if you’re defensive in your conversation, if you’re engaging in unnecessary arguments,

…toxic arguments with your wife, it’s only a matter of time before they start to lose respect for you.

And if she doesn’t respect you, she can’t love you.

If you build enough of those things over time, yes she’s not gonna be attracted to you.

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For whatever reason, she’s not attracted right now or at least you don’t feel like she’s attracted to you right now anymore.

There are clearly things that you’re seeing, maybe she doesn’t want to have sex, maybe she doesn’t want to be touched

…like I said earlier, she doesn’t want a public display of affection.

Things like that are signs that she’s not attracted, so let’s just assume she’s not.

The ball is in your court because you have history with this woman, that’s a good thing.

But you gotta give her space.

Essentially, what she’s asking for is space.

You know what they say about distance, “it makes the heart fonder” so if you’re just there trying to smother her, you don’t give her that space to miss you,

…that is the evidence or a good reason why she’s losing attraction for you.

You’re being predictable, she doesn’t have the opportunity to wonder what you’re up to.

Everything is predictable.

That my friend is called BORING and that is why she’s probably not attracted to you.

Now you gotta give her space, but giving people space is easier said than done when you’re not engaged fully 100% with your personal purpose in life,

…which must be bigger than yourself and your wife.

And all put together, it has to be bigger than that.

If you’re not connected to yourself spiritually, if you’re not self sustainable from an emotional standpoint, if you don’t have peace of mind by yourself, with or without your wife,

…she’s not going to be attracted to you because she can smell it because you lack confidence.

So it goes back to the third core pillar, which is the SELF.

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Your self sustainability, self sufficiency and self development, you need to work on that.

Those things will give you the opportunity and give you the strength to be able to pull away from her.

Without missing or skipping the beat in your heart but that will allow her to be attracted back to you because remember, you have a history with her.

So if you have the confidence that you have a history with her, then you’ll be able to allow her the time to come back to you.

In that time period, it’s okay, this is your wife.

For you to find out what she is up to?

No, not what she is up to, you don’t really care about what she’s up to but,

…what is up with her?

More like it.

Like if she has other things that she’s worried about, you can ask her provoking questions like,

…“What’s going on? Do you have anything you want to share with me, baby? I am just wondering if all is well. We haven’t spoken in a while”.

And then if she completely just turned off and doesn’t wanna have the conversation, again give her space and say “Okay, no problem. I gotta go to bed”.

Don’t act salty.

Don’t act butt hurt.

If you’re acting butt hurt around your wife, that’s another reason why she will lose interest and will be less attracted to you.

Just keep that at the back of your mind as you’re navigating these things.

Let me share with you four things that you probably should worry about it.

Connect with yourself spiritually, self development and things like that.

Connect with your personal purpose, things that you may have wanted to do, your dreams that you’ve lost sight of,

…focus and get back on that because that will soak you up because you’re passionate about those things.

And you’ll find it a lot easier to give her space because the key thing is, you’ve got to give her space so she can miss you again.

That’s something that you should focus on.

The last one is yourself.

Your self sustainability, self respect and self love.

If you don’t love yourself, if you’re not beaming out confidence, she’s not gonna be attracted to you.

That’s something you should keep in mind.

Question: “My Wife DOESN’T Say I LOVE YOU Back”

If your wife doesn’t say she loves you back there are a couple of things that are happening there.

But first of all, let’s go back to the beginning.

Let’s go back to the root when you guys got together for the first time.

When you started dating did she used to say, “I love you”?

If she used to say I love you and something just happened and then she stopped,

…then we need to address those things that happened.

If you can recall something has happened, I don’t believe you.

You need to dig a little deeper.

Something happened and then she stopped.

First of all, if she used to say I love you but somehow she doesn’t say I love you anymore back to you,

…we need to sort out the issues that happened.

Whatever makes a woman get to a space where she doesn’t feel like saying I love you back,

…it must be really bad.

It takes a lot for a woman to get into that space where she doesn’t say I love you back.

Basically, what’s going on is that she doesn’t feel safe.

She doesn’t feel safe professing the love like that to you any much longer.

So here’s the thing, if she never said that, and then suddenly you just wanna experience a woman saying that back to you,

I would say you have a big thing in front of you that you need to do.

First of all, you need to express that and say, “Hey, how come you never say I love you back?”.

You need to know the answer to that question.

So that’s first of all, communication.

That’s straight up just communication 101 and find out why she doesn’t say that.

She may say “that’s just not what we’re doing in our family”,

…and then you expressed like “I would appreciate that, you know from my family, that’s a big part of our culture. Just say that back to me babe, what’s the big deal” right?

Don’t be too serious, say it in front and love because remember the person that doesn’t say I love you, either they said it before or they’ve never said it before,

…they just don’t feel safe professing that kind of grand gesture to you.

The worst thing you wanna do is to make them feel even worse or make them feel more unsafe.

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You’ve got to make them feel safer, Right?

So it’s a simple conversation in love, in fun, don’t worry too much about it, just express it and say, “Hey babe, you never say I love you back to me” and just shut up.

Just wait and see what they say.

Now if you know some things have gone down, you did some things or she said you did some things and she doesn’t feel safe any longer.

Some kind of crisis happened in your marriage.

She doesn’t say I love you back to you, then the real issues to fix that issue, whatever happened.

And that’s going to take time because it takes time to break down and, by the way, take shorter time to destroy.

It’s gonna take you a little bit longer to build back up.

So focus on the things you need to build because when someone says “I love you” to you, it’s a symptom of how they feel inside.

It’s not the main thing, it’s just how they feel because of everything else that’s right.

If things are wrong, don’t try to force a person to say I love you back, not especially if you’re going to be being defensive or say it in a way that you’re insecure or anything like that.

You want to make sure that you actually never ask a woman to say I love you back to you because if you have to ask them,

…to say I love you back to you, there’s a good chance that they just don’t love you, and it’s just gonna get worse.

It’s gonna turn them off even much more.

So what I will say is that focus on doing things that a woman will receive from you and make them feel like “I love you”.

Focus on finding out what those things are for your wife and focus on that and be stubborn about it.

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Now, it’s easier said than done but it gets easier if you’re spiritually strong, if you’re mentally strong,

…If you are engaged with your personal purpose in life and then also if you are actively in self development.

So self sustainability of mentally, self health, self help, self love.

If you have those things, confidence will naturally show out and that’s attractive and those are the things that make a woman say “I love you”.

Now ultimately, if she doesn’t feel safe because of things you’ve done, she will feel safe again but not if you keep reminding her that she doesn’t say I love you back to you.

You need to focus on the things you need to do and be patient, because patience, by itself is very attractive.

When a woman knows that you give them patience, like you’re not overreacting because “I love you”.

If he doesn’t feel like saying I love you right now, that’s just right now.

Maybe tomorrow, that’s just right now still.

Only now is all that exists, don’t worry about everything else.

If she’s doing everything else, it is only a matter of time, just do your part and be a husband and say “I love you”.

Then if she doesn’t say “I love you”, don’t get attached to the outcome because the outcome will come when you earn it.

So again, if somebody’s saying I love you back to you, it’s somebody who feels safe,

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…if they don’t feel safe for whatever reason, they’re not going to say right now and you get to decide as a human being if that’s a deal breaker for you.

Being decisive as a human being, that’s also attractive so you may say that’s a deal breaker, “if you can’t say I love you back to me, what are we doing” that’s attractive.

If you are decisive don’t just say that I sit out there in the relationship.

But if you know that this is the person you love and you want to give them that kind of patience, then that’s a decision.

Stick with that decision and focus on yourself.

Focus on your personal purpose, focus on yourself and make sure you have a strong spiritual background,

…because you’re gonna need that in the form of patience.

That’s what I have for you on this episode.

The key thing is, don’t worry too much about it.

Focus on building the relationship and everything else shall come to you.

Question: “How Do You Tell If Your Wife STILL LOVES YOU After SEPARATION?”

There are a couple of things that I wanted to mention here.

First of all, you don’t try to tell, it’s not worth it.

Here’s why,

I know you want your wife back or your family back and wanna make things work again,

…but we’re talking about emotional and psychological factors that play a big role in this situation.

If you don’t show that anyone else wants you or if you don’t show that you have options, there’s a good chance that your wife doesn’t want you back.

At least not yet.

So, How do you tell if your wife still loves you after separation?

You wait until she tells you.

That’s number one.

When she tells you that “I still love you”, believe her.

Even at that, you don’t want to just jump at it and like “I’m excited. She still loves me.”

You don’t wanna do that because that will backfire but if she hasn’t told you there’s a good chance that she’s not in love with you.

By the way, if your wife was ever your wife and she ever told you she loves you, she probably still loves you,

…But that’s a completely different thing from, she’s still in love with you.

Does she feel like she’s in love with you right now?

There’s a good chance that she’s not.

It depends on how particular you are about that.

You don’t wanna make that a big deal, if you make it a big deal that becomes a big deal.

If she’s not in love with you right now, she’s just not in love with you right now.

It’s temporary.

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Depending on your level of patience and if you’ve been working on yourself, that is what’s going to determine if she will ever come back to you,

…or if she will ever say to you that she loves you.

See, a woman will not tell you she loves you if she doesn’t feel like she’s in love with you.

Love and Being in Love with you are two different things.

Loving a person is the action thing that you do.

There are multiple different meanings of love but for the purpose of the scope of this video,

…we’re talking about being in love with you, or she loves you.

She can tell you should love you and not be in love with you.

That really doesn’t do you any good.

The real question you’re trying to get answered is that,

…is she in a place where she can come back to you, if she can come back home or if you can go back home, because you’re in the midst of a separation.

I would say you’re worried about the wrong things.

So first of all, wait for her to tell you.

There are a lot of things that will happen before she actually gets to tell you that she loves you again.

Which means she feels like she’s in love with you.

A lot of things that have to align depending on the damages that your marriage has encountered over time.

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How far is the damage?

We don’t know, I don’t know unless I actually coach you personally and I talked to you.

So I don’t know the extent of the damages but either way, it doesn’t matter.

You’re gonna have to have what I call infinite patience.

You have to have patience.

That’s extremely difficult when you don’t have a personal purpose and mission in life that basically preoccupies your time,

… that you don’t really have time to be wondering if she still loves you or not.

So if you’re wondering if she still loves you or not, there’s a good chance that she’s not attracted to you right now.

There’s a good chance that you have too much time in your hands and you’re busy wondering if she still loves you.

You need to find a way to deliberately create attraction between you and your wife in a way that she’s the one that starts to wonder about you.

If she starts to wonder about you, that’s directly equivalent to still in love with you, wanting to get back with you, wanting to move back home or asking you to come back home.

Basically saying, “I love you. I want us to work on it now”.

Now, how patients can you possibly be in order to wait for that to happen?

If you don’t feel like you can be that patient, that’s exactly why she doesn’t love you right now.

Basically, you don’t respect yourself.

You don’t have self respect, you don’t have self love, you don’t have a healthy level of pride about self love.

To the extent where, I’m not telling you to be arrogant.

That’s not what I’m telling you.

I’m just trying to tell you that she doesn’t want you if you don’t come off as confident about yourself.

She will probably not want you, she’s not the only one that won’t want you.

Everybody else would not want you if they feel like you’re lacking confidence because there’s something that all of us are attracted to.

Even us men as far as being attracted to a woman, we love a confident woman.

You love a confident woman.

She also loves a confident man.

So how can you showcase confidence?

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How can you showcase confidence that “well, she’s gonna come back to you. She belongs with you”

See that attitude?

It’s not an attitude as negative or arrogant or nasty or narcissistic in any way.

It’s an attitude of confidence that you know that God has the best for you and any time you see her,

…I just showcase that by still being loving.

I’m not saying you love her, but being loving, friendly and giving her the freedom to decide when she wants to come back to you.

That’s how you tell if your wife still loves you.

How do you tell if your wife still loves you after separation?

Wait for her.

The real question is that, “how can I tell if you still love yourself?”

I can’t tell that you still love yourself.

You may love yourself but I can’t tell you still love yourself enough for her to love you,

…because you are still asking this question, How do you tell if your wife still loves you after separation?

How about getting the attitude of,

“she loves you anyway, I know she loves me anyway but I’m gonna wait for her to tell me, and I’m gonna move on until then. I’m gonna live my life,a blissful, happy, fruitful, purposeful, mission driven life”

…Because that’s exactly what’s gonna attract that.

That’s all I have for you on this video.

Hopefully you’ve been enlightened and educated.

Go to LolaAndOla.com and go get your hands on the book ”Get My Marriage Back”.

You need to read the book 10 to 15 times.

If you cherry pick around videos, it won’t work.

You need to learn the skills of attracting a woman even if she is separated from you,

…by the way, it’s easier if he’s separated from you but you have to learn the skill set.

That’s all I have, see you on the next one, peace.