Question: “Wife Makes NO EFFORT In BED”
This is a very common issue.
There’s a lot that we need to know, in order to know how to help you if you’re experiencing this problem.
But let me point out a few things that you probably should pay attention to.
A wife not making any efforts in bed is a sign of many things.
It could be a sign of many things.
The last thing that should be in your mind, by the way is,
…is she not interested in you sexually anymore?
That’s the last thing, Is it a possibility?
Yes, it’s a possibility, but it should be the last thing on your mind because keep in mind that,
…before a woman can get into the headspace where they’re making efforts in bed, there’s a lot that has to have happened.
Now, for a man, there are a lot of studies that show that man actively,
…like even if we’re going through the worst things in life, let’s say we lost our job.
Financially we’re not feeling good, we’re not feeling adequate, we’re not feeling fulfilled.
There are many studies that show that, one way we can get over that is to just have sex and we’ll be fine.
But a typical woman doesn’t operate that way.
If things are wrong or things that off in the other aspect of their life,
…they’re not gonna wanna be a part off some kind of sexual activity with you, even regular sex.
How much more asking them to make efforts.
So , wife makes no effort in bed,
that means you’re having sex but she’s not doing anything.
She’s just lying down there and you do your thing and you keep it moving.
I understand you.
If you like me, I like my wife to participate.
I like the idea when my wife is also initiating, participating and also being involved in doing some things but I also enjoyed giving.
Usually a lot of people would try to find a sweet balance or equal balance between two spouses, two partners like now you should be doing equal.
But in real life, it doesn’t work like that.
Life is not perfect, it’s not symmetrical.
It can feel symmetrical if you guys are having fun but it’s not symmetrical.
Meaning it’s not, like equal-equal like that.
The way it works is that, you bring what you have and I bring what I have,
…and then we’re having a good time.
That’s how you started dating, that’s how you fell in love and that’s how you are attracted to each other.
But things have changed, maybe you’re having kids, maybe life has happened, maybe you lost your job or maybe she lost a parent.
Maybe there are things going on personally with her mentally speaking.
The first step you wanna do is make sure you’re doing proper listening.
You need to understand what are the underlying reasons why your wife makes no effort in bed.
PREVIOUS POST: “5 Signs Your Wife DOESN’T RESPECT YOU”
Now, if she’s not having sex at all, then you will be worried about all that.
If she’s just not making any effort, there’s a good chance that the excitement is dissipating.
She lost the excitement, the butterflies that she used to have,
…the excitement, the fact that she used to look forward to that, she has lost all of that.
So, I’m gonna give you a couple of tips to see if you can revive things,
But just keep in mind that whatever you already do right now,
…I’m recommending, make sure it’s the opposite of it because the idea is you wanna bring in some excitement.
And anything that’s old will become boring.
Anything that’s readily available becomes boring.
It’s not just women and men, it’s not just husband and wife is anything in life.
It’s demand and supply.
See how you can do some inventory in your dynamics and your activities during the course of the day.
You may have been just very predictable.
If you’re very predictable, there is a good chance that you’re boring.
Maybe not particularly you, that’s why you don’t want to take it personally but the dynamic of your particular relationship is now boring to her.
You haven’t got that far yet because rejection breeds obsession, you are being rejected right now, so you can’t see that,
…but the relationship itself is probably boring right now.
She caught that signal first before you so now, before you could catch it, you’re feeling rejected and now you’re obsessed.
When I say all of that again, don’t over think that.
Just think of it as some kind of scientific experiment in front of you but you need to bring in some excitement into your relationship.
If you don’t have that, you know she’s not gonna make any extra effort in bed.
You’re lucky if she is still sleeping and just allowing you to do your thing right because that means you can switch things around.
You could literally say, “hey, let me avoid her tonight. Let me leave her alone”.
Not necessarily avoid but give her some space so she can miss you and invite you back into the situation.
How long should you wait?
Again, that time that you’re taking off is not just to be waiting, that’s not the idea.
The idea is to find other things you could do to spice things up.
You could buy some other things.
There are things you can learn that can excite her.
You could start with a conversation saying,
“what excites you? I was just wondering. I’m curious what excites you. What is exciting to you right now in your life? I know I’m here. Just pretend I’m not here. What is exciting to you, that you would find exciting right now”.
Maybe you’ve never asked that question before, maybe it’s the first time you’re asking that question.
That kind of conversation can stimulate her and all you have to do is listen.
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If you listen to a woman, if a woman feels heard,
…you’ll be able to penetrate every aspect and every part of her life, her body, her soul and her mind.
Does that make sense?
So let me give you the tip again one more time.
There are things that are not exciting right now,
…but you can bring in some excitement by simply asking a provoking question and say,
“Hey, what is exciting right now for you?” or “What would you find exciting right now?”.
That’s like two questions and one already, “What is exciting for you right now?”
And she will be like, “Why do you wanna know?”.
Then you’ll say, “I’m just curious”.
You’ll have a little spark of your face and you’re not asking for sex, you’re not asking for any of those things you’re just having the conversation.
If you do that long enough and she feels heard, you will be able to penetrate her and then she will participate more.
Also, if you wanna introduce anything else into your sexual relationship, then she will have even more opening and listening ears to hear what you have to say without being defensive.
But, you’ll be able to catch the game.
So it’s about having a game of being able to listen.
That’s what it comes down to.