My Wife Is Never In The Mood Anymore 💔

In this lesson, you will discover 5 things to do if your wife is just never in the mood for intimacy and sex anymore.

The other day, we got this in the email at from Jerry.

He said…

“My wife did the ‘I’m not in the mood’ for weeks at a time.  

One day I got tired of it.  

When she asked me to empty the kitchen trash can, (one of my duties normally) I told her…

‘Ya know, I would but I’m just not in the mood.’

Then she said…

That’s silly.  You don’t have to be in the mood in order to take out the garbage.

I responded ‘Yep, and YOU don’t have to be in the mood in order to have sex.

Worked like a charm.”

So as usual, we’ve decided to turn this to a lesson moment for all of us.

My name is LOLA and I am the co-author of the book

GET MY MARRIAGE BACK with my husband OLA

…which you can download for free at

You will also see an opportunity to book a coaching session with us.

This is OLA.

We review so many of these types of cases and we can bet $100,000 on it that Jerry is a half-truth-teller with that part of the method working like a charm.

These are the 5 things to do immediately before you lose your wife to another man out there.

Thing #5 – Mood is a Symptom

PREVIOUS POST: My Wife Loves Me But Doesn’t Desire Me 💔

The easiest route to go if your wife has not been in the sexiest mood for weeks in a row is to become a victim.

But there is a problem with that.

Playing the victim and retaining power simply don’t go together.

If you don’t want to be the leader in the marriage, it’s absolutely okay to play the victim and throw temper tantrums.

The hardest route is the most rewarding route that will allow you to exit the blueballism zone.

So the first thing you need to do is to realize that her mood is a symptom.

Instead of becoming a small two years old boy like Jerry, I want you to become excited about finding the underlying condition that created the “no mood” symptom

You will be shocked at how easy it is to resolve it.

Not only will you resolve it, you will now possess the key to do it over and over for the rest of your life; highly rewarding.

Thing #4 – She is Wrong But…

I want you to reject that approach because it is going to work against your marriage.

Rights and wrongs are irrelevant in romantic relationships because…

In love and war all is fair.

Think about it.

You have two adults coming together against all odds into a 99.9% chance of hurting each other; though sometimes unintentionally.

If you weren’t married, a trashcan could be sitting there for hours, after it is needed to be disposed-of because you waited for the right mood.

So she was wrong. 

But here is the “but”.  That’s irrelevant.

You are married to your wife as a choice.

So that makes you guilty of the same exact thing you are complaining about if we were to go the “who is wrong” route.

Is she being unfair? 

We can argue that but if your focus is how wrong she is, it’s only natural for you to hold resentment against her.

As you are now realizing, no good is going to come out of that approach.  

So does that make Jerry right?

Thing #3 – You Are Right But…

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But your partner is also right.

At least they have the right to claim that they are right so this is just another toxic argument.

Everything you just learned about “being wrong” as an approach to judging your partner is also applicable to “being right.”

But this is not a race to be right.

This is about your marriage and your wife not being in the mood to make love to you.

Actually, it’s more-so about your inability to get your wife in the mood.

I know it comes off as unfair to expect you to make all the effort in bed but that’s not what I am talking about and remember that all is fair.

What could make a wife come to a husband she wants to make love to and claim “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.”

Does she really want it or not? 

Instead of worrying about your wife not being in the mood, I want you to figure out what happened behind the scenes psychologically without expecting her to be able to tell you.

In the next lesson, you will discover how to reverse “I don’t love you” or “I’m not in love with you anymore” without being a douchebag like Jerry.

For now, here is what I want you to do. 

Stop trying to compete to be “right.”

That’s precisely how to be a loser as a husband.

Don’t get defensive. These things play out very subtly and it doesn’t make you a bad person.

So now that we’ve figured out that this isn’t about “right and wrongs” or “black and white”, what else can Jerry do to get his wife in the mood?

Thing #2 – Seed Nurture Harvest

This is a concept used in agriculture that is absolutely applicable in all romantic relationships; especially in a marriage.

Within the first two years of marriage, everything is exciting and new. That’s easy.

When your wife starts to tell you she is not in the mood, you have two choices.

You can take it as an opportunity to engage in highly rewarding work or suck on your thumbs around the house like Jerry.

I want you to go with the first choice.

Find out how you can make her life easy, and turn it into seeds to nurture. The nurturing has to be consistent and you have to be patient.

Your wife’s mood is not some machine to switch on and off at will.  

You have to be patient and that patience will be tested as well.  Your consistency becomes practice and it gets easier if you are patient.

Thing #1 – Give Her Time

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

Most women will multiply a sense of safety and security back into you as sex and unlimited nurturing.

If she feels heard, you can penetrate everything.

Making sure she feels heard is a whole skill set beyond just listening as a one time event.

Like we’ve said, this is very hard but highly rewarding once you get into the cruise zone.

Give her time to capture your effort and spend that time on self development and improvement.

The Main Lesson

You reap what you sow.  It doesn’t make it your fault but it does give you leverage to turn things around.

But I agree that it will take humility and a longer term outlook than you are used to.

Check out this video on the screen for more information about that.

“Wife Makes NO EFFORT In BED”

Question: “Wife Makes NO EFFORT In BED”

This is a very common issue.

There’s a lot that we need to know, in order to know how to help you if you’re experiencing this problem.

But let me point out a few things that you probably should pay attention to.

A wife not making any efforts in bed is a sign of many things.

It could be a sign of many things.

The last thing that should be in your mind, by the way is,

…is she not interested in you sexually anymore?

That’s the last thing, Is it a possibility?

Yes, it’s a possibility, but it should be the last thing on your mind because keep in mind that,

…before a woman can get into the headspace where they’re making efforts in bed, there’s a lot that has to have happened.

Now, for a man, there are a lot of studies that show that man actively,

…like even if we’re going through the worst things in life, let’s say we lost our job.

Financially we’re not feeling good, we’re not feeling adequate, we’re not feeling fulfilled.

There are many studies that show that, one way we can get over that is to just have sex and we’ll be fine.

But a typical woman doesn’t operate that way.

If things are wrong or things that off in the other aspect of their life,

…they’re not gonna wanna be a part off some kind of sexual activity with you, even regular sex.

How much more asking them to make efforts.

So , wife makes no effort in bed,

that means you’re having sex but she’s not doing anything.

She’s just lying down there and you do your thing and you keep it moving.

I understand you.

If you like me, I like my wife to participate.

I like the idea when my wife is also initiating, participating and also being involved in doing some things but I also enjoyed giving.

Usually a lot of people would try to find a sweet balance or equal balance between two spouses, two partners like now you should be doing equal.

But in real life, it doesn’t work like that.

Life is not perfect, it’s not symmetrical.

It can feel symmetrical if you guys are having fun but it’s not symmetrical.

Meaning it’s not, like equal-equal like that.

The way it works is that, you bring what you have and I bring what I have,

…and then we’re having a good time.

That’s how you started dating, that’s how you fell in love and that’s how you are attracted to each other.

But things have changed, maybe you’re having kids, maybe life has happened, maybe you lost your job or maybe she lost a parent.

Maybe there are things going on personally with her mentally speaking.

The first step you wanna do is make sure you’re doing proper listening.

You need to understand what are the underlying reasons why your wife makes no effort in bed.


Now, if she’s not having sex at all, then you will be worried about all that.

If she’s just not making any effort, there’s a good chance that the excitement is dissipating.

She lost the excitement, the butterflies that she used to have,

…the excitement, the fact that she used to look forward to that, she has lost all of that.

So, I’m gonna give you a couple of tips to see if you can revive things,

But just keep in mind that whatever you already do right now,

…I’m recommending, make sure it’s the opposite of it because the idea is you wanna bring in some excitement.

And anything that’s old will become boring.

Anything that’s readily available becomes boring.

It’s not just women and men, it’s not just husband and wife is anything in life.

It’s demand and supply.

See how you can do some inventory in your dynamics and your activities during the course of the day.

You may have been just very predictable.

If you’re very predictable, there is a good chance that you’re boring.

Maybe not particularly you, that’s why you don’t want to take it personally but the dynamic of your particular relationship is now boring to her.

You haven’t got that far yet because rejection breeds obsession, you are being rejected right now, so you can’t see that,

…but the relationship itself is probably boring right now.

She caught that signal first before you so now, before you could catch it, you’re feeling rejected and now you’re obsessed.

When I say all of that again, don’t over think that.

Just think of it as some kind of scientific experiment in front of you but you need to bring in some excitement into your relationship.

If you don’t have that, you know she’s not gonna make any extra effort in bed.

You’re lucky if she is still sleeping and just allowing you to do your thing right because that means you can switch things around.

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You could literally say, “hey, let me avoid her tonight. Let me leave her alone”.

Not necessarily avoid but give her some space so she can miss you and invite you back into the situation.

How long should you wait?

Again, that time that you’re taking off is not just to be waiting, that’s not the idea.

The idea is to find other things you could do to spice things up.

You could buy some other things.

There are things you can learn that can excite her.

You could start with a conversation saying,

what excites you? I was just wondering. I’m curious what excites you. What is exciting to you right now in your life? I know I’m here. Just pretend I’m not here. What is exciting to you, that you would find exciting right now”.

Maybe you’ve never asked that question before, maybe it’s the first time you’re asking that question.

That kind of conversation can stimulate her and all you have to do is listen.

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If you listen to a woman, if a woman feels heard,

…you’ll be able to penetrate every aspect and every part of her life, her body, her soul and her mind.

Does that make sense?

So let me give you the tip again one more time.


There are things that are not exciting right now,

…but you can bring in some excitement by simply asking a provoking question and say,

Hey, what is exciting right now for you?” or “What would you find exciting right now?”.

That’s like two questions and one already, “What is exciting for you right now?

And she will be like, “Why do you wanna know?”.

Then you’ll say, “I’m just curious”.

You’ll have a little spark of your face and you’re not asking for sex, you’re not asking for any of those things you’re just having the conversation.

If you do that long enough and she feels heard, you will be able to penetrate her and then she will participate more.

Also, if you wanna introduce anything else into your sexual relationship, then she will have even more opening and listening ears to hear what you have to say without being defensive.

But, you’ll be able to catch the game.

So it’s about having a game of being able to listen.

That’s what it comes down to.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do wives avoid intimacy?

There are many reasons why a wife would avoid intimacy but a primary reason is clearly loss of attraction and not a form of punishment since that would also mean she is punishing herself.

What do you do when your partner is not sexually active?

Outside of medical reasons, you should look in the mirror and try to figure out what about you is attracting a partner who is not sexually active.

How do you survive a sexless marriage?

A marriage can survive sexlessness but very unlikely in this modern age when people are aware of options.

What do you do when your wife is not interested in you anymore?

Outside of medical reason, you should focus on your seduction skills to create and increase attraction in your marriage.