Tag: lola and ola

Many married couples waste 1,000’s of dollars on marriage counseling because they go into it UNPREPARED.

Studies show a 40% divorce rate after marriage counseling.

Clearly, something is wrong with that horrible statistics.

2 things you have to pay attention to when next you agree to go to a marriage counseling are:

1. Arguments and
2. Masculine/feminine dynamics of your relationship.

(1) Arguments

There are many counselors and advisers teaching couples how to argue these days.

While I understand that the “high” of arguments makes some men feel closer to their wife in a weird way…

It’s best to avoid arguments all together.

There is a confusion between communication and arguments.

Arguments creates bad vibes that makes a typical woman loses respect for their husband.

An argument is simply the act of invalidating your spouses point of view; it’s an attack.

We all get defensive when we feel attacked.

But the main issue there is the fact that it’s all “feeling” driven.

That is to say we are not always able to put our fingers on what the issues are.

Instead of learning “how to argue” from a counseling session, ask him or her to teach you how to avoid arguments.

This is necessary at  least for the time being… arguments are to be avoided during a marriage crisis.

(2) Masculine/feminine dynamics

The modern marriage is struggling with gender roles and admitting that there is a difference between a man and woman.

The existence of the argument is the proof that you need to know that it absolutely affects the dynamics of happiness in your marriage.

Ask your marriage counselor to help you identify the particular gender, masculine, and feminine dynamics of your marriage.

It’s different from relationships to relationships.

Don’t avoid the conversation

Because what you don’t know or aware of can destroy your marriage.

Below is a question for us to address with this lesson…

“What happens if your partner always has to be right?

After 12 years, he still will never ever concede an argument.

Am I supposed to always back down?

I don’t always want to back down but my husband will never stop until he wins.”

Enjoy the video.

https://youtu.be/3KPOM7Ulkns

“Up to 38 percent of couples who receive marriage therapy get divorced 

…within four years of completion.”

More interesting stats here

What is the success rate of marriage counseling?

Studies show a 40% divorce rate after marriage counseling.

So I guess we can safely say that 60% survived and saved the marriage.

If they were able to build a happy and healthy relationship beyond that is another question entirely.

Many couples live as room mates before and after a marriage counseling.

What happens at marriage counseling?

What should happen and what actually happens in a marriage counseling session are 2 different things.

The counselor’s job is to help by listening to both parties

…and help mediate on the issues.

So the mediation is a form of interpreting emotions and feelings to each other as that is usually the root of most disagreements.

Can marriage counseling really help?

Marriage counseling can definitely help but with doing the work beyond the session.

Good feelings at the end of a counseling session is not enough.

The couple to remain committed to the work.

Lots of “emotional control” is needed to sustain the marriage long after the session has ended.

But of course…

It’s easier said than done.

When should you seek marriage counseling?

The best time to seek marriage counseling is at the beginning of a misunderstanding or dispute…

But not before any of the parties shuts down emotionally.

If one person shuts down, marriage counseling as a solution tends to be too late and a waste of time…

…Just another opportunity to argue.

It is better for the spouse who wants to save the marriage to leverage self development.

And possibly….

A personal coach

I would continue that until a brand new energy and relationship dynamics is created.

In order to get the other party to open up.

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