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In this video, we are adding some context to an answer we gave to Queen some few weeks back. Be sure to check out that video.
It’s called “Unwanted Separation? Use THESE 5 Tips!” It was also a response to an original video called “Ignoring Your Spouse During Separation 💔”
Here is her response to that video.
“Thank you Lola and Ola. I am grateful for you guys. You have opened a new perspective to me. I believe I should work on myself now moving forward. The period of sorrow and grief is coming to an end.
About the question if I am a selfish person, the answer is no. I have always given people my time, love and affection. I’d rather love others first.
I don’t know how to only focus on me. It’s not healthy. I’d rather give to those who need me. I never put myself first but look for the good of those around me.
Hence I helped hubby become who he is today. Now that he’s left I don’t understand what I did wrong to be honest.
We spoke a few days ago and he wanted to know what I have been up to. I don’t know why he suddenly is interested to know about my whereabouts but he will not disclose what he’s doing or how he feels. Which I find strange that he’s obsessed with knowing what I am about.
I think I need to be more attractive and work on myself more like you mentioned. I will revive my passions and allow time to heal like they say.
For now I will focus on what makes me happy and keep me focused. I believe he’s still my husband. I am also going to download your free book now.” ~ Queen
So here we go. To add some context to Queen’s comment, we have created 5 keys to rekindling attraction from a seduction standpoint during a separation.
Let’s get into it.
Key Number 5
The Art of Obsession
As always, this is easier said than done. But it’s a simple concept. What makes it complex is the complex human mind.
When you experience rejection at any level, it breeds obsession and anxiety.
But when you are able to garner some self-control and back off just a little bit, you can successfully transfer that obsession and anxiety to the other party.
It also depends on how much damage may have occurred during the break down of the relationship.
If your separated spouse is not the exception minority with no emotional blood flowing in their vein, this works 100% of the time.
So it’s pretty normal for the obsession to flip to the other side when you take time to back off and allow nature to take its course.
If your partner needs space, things are bad already and you probably need more space than you realize.
Key Number 4
Don’t Fake The Flip
So, I want you to allow the obsession and the anxiety to flip from you to your partner naturally and organically. There are gurus out there teaching people to fake it.
You can’t afford to fake this stuff because that would be a lie and that would typically mean you have to keep lying to cover up lies. It’s not worth it because it’s too much energy trying to keep up with it.
It needs to be organic and this awareness right here will make it a little hard.
But the way to mitigate that is to really take this rare advantage of time apart to build yourself in every way you can think of; physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Leave very little room to sit around and allow your mind to wander around about things you can’t control such as sorrow and grief.
If you can do it, that’s obviously time spent away from obsessing over your estranged partner and that much time for them to start wondering about what you are up to.
That’s literally a form of attraction.
It’s organic and natural and proof that you can potentially rekindle attraction in a healthy way so that you can embrace it when you are ready.
Key Number 3
Don’t Run An Empty Cup
As “Queen” just acknowledged, you can’t afford to pour love into others from an empty cup; it will only drain your energy.
Yes we advocate for focusing on “giving” in a healthy relationship and not the falsehood of the “give and take” ideology that a bunch of selfish people are running around with on social media.
But please, do not take us out of context. You simply cannot give what you don’t already have.
We get this question all the time… “You are telling us to just GIVE but what if we are giving so much that the other person is not reciprocating?”
But there is no better way to tell me that you are not giving anything to yourself. You are emptying out yourself to your partner.
That’s the only way you can have time to notice that they don’t reciprocate but you are not necessarily wrong; just a thought to consider.
And worse, you are setting them up with false metrics of expectations that are based purely on your disappointed emotions.
You can’t win together like that. You might win alone and effectively destroy the relationship. But let’s be guided.
When you can demonstrate the ability to take care of yourself, there is almost nothing sexier than that when it comes to rekindling attraction again.
And of course, they naturally can’t wait to get on your good side.
Key Number 2
Once you’ve managed to organically flip that obsession and anxiety over to the other side, do not prematurely engage.
Sure it’s attractive but it needs to be tested with time and persistence which must be demonstrated on all sides.
Don’t play games with this if you haven’t gone through an outright rejection from your spouse. That will make it fake, manipulative and it can backfire badly.
But in the case of what “Queen” described, she needs to disconnect as much as possible from wondering what she did wrong and why he is suddenly obsessed.
The bottom line is that he is obsessed because that’s attraction at play but more importantly, how she responds to it needs to showcase indifference.
What that means is that how you feel is neither here nor there. You are okay with whatever the outcome is and you will take your time because you are busy learning how to take care of yourself.
It might drive one or both of you wild.
But the attraction needs to be tested for strength because there is a real reason why a separation became reality in the first place.
It doesn’t matter if you are “the man” or “the woman”. The same attraction principle is applicable if you are feeling the emotions of rejection.
You can re-engage your seduction power and redirect the course.
Key Number 1
Self Love Is Still key
What if you lost your partner forever? Yea. What if? If you can’t handle that reality in your mind right now, it’s probably showing as needy behavior on the surface.
That’s not sexy.
It’s like no wonder they are running away from that.
The moment they can see that you are capable of loving yourself adequately, they will always regret a decision of not working on your relationship.
That self-love will attract a better companionship to you with or without your spouse; it’s non-negotiable.
And again, we are not talking to selfish people. Self-love as a religious talking point and ideology can also destroy you and everything you care about.
We are speaking from experience.
We share our own story inside the book “GET MY MARRIAGE BACK” which you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com
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