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“How Do I APOLOGIZE for HURTING My Wife?”📍 John Gray

Question: “How do I apologize for hurting my wife?”

John Gray is in the hot seat right now and is probably hoping that this whole thing will die down but he is not helping either because he issued an apology and I think we should play the apology first before we get into anything .

Here is John Gray’s apology:

“I wanna take this moment to tell you I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the areas of my life that I left unattended. That I was apathetic about. The areas where I have treated the calling of God, the grace of God and a hand of God casually in my life. For every area of behavior that has dishonor the holiness of God, I wanna tell you I’m sorry. There have been a number of things and blogs, some of them accurate, some of it not…”

His apology maybe is the right thing to do because he is a pastor in the church.

But talking to his wife, it just feels like it will cause more embarrassment.

For me, I don’t like the loud noise.

That’s bringing so much attention to us so in the moment we should shut it down.

TRENDING: 5 Signs Your wife is NOT Attracted to You ❤️

Let’s be quiet in the moment…

How do I apologize for hurting my wife?

What’s the right way to do that?

I don’t think you need to apologize to your wife in public… that can be done privately.

Apologizing in public is just an immediate reaction trying to save face, especially when the issues are so fresh right?

One thing you don’t want to do is feeding to the media,

… like right now they are talking about you and the next thing you wanna do is “Oh I’m sorry… blah blah blab”

The natural thing to do is want to react so I feel that he should have just left that for the moment and deal with his issues privately.

Church, yes because he is a pastor and I understand that he needs to say something, but I don’t like the public.


Well maybe the wife likes that, or she prefers that, but I don’t know because there are different kinds of women.

Some women can be like “you know what you dragged me out there, then I want you to apologize to me publicly“.

For me personally it doesn’t help.

I always come from the standpoint of “you are right”.

If you think you are right, you are right!… like who am i?, I don’t have the right to tell you you are not right.

That’s applicable to everything in life including relationship, marriage, apologies or whatever.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

If you feel like the right thing for you to do is to apologize, then you are right…

Now is that going to create the result you want, that is the story that we really should be talking about.

See, if you are worried about whether it is the right thing to do or not, you are always right.

Whatever you feel is right is right.

Is that gonna create the result that you’re looking to achieve, that’s where the work is and that’s where a lot of people miss it.

With that being said, the only time it will be right for you to tender an apology to either a wife or husband or anybody is when that person is asking for it.

Why?

Because you listen, that person is asking for it.

So if the person is asking for it and you truly feel that you should apologize, and there is nothing wrong with apologizing but if you are tendering an apology as a form of reaction to being called out.

You just got called out… you did something wrong and you just want to fix it immediately for the misery to go away.

The first thing that goes to your mind is to say I’m sorry.

That I’m sorry is gonna do more hurt.

It can be considered manipulation because you are manipulating.

That apology will hurt more than it will help you create the result you are looking for.

So, How Do I APOLOGIZE for HURTING my wife?

Well, first of all the best apology is Changed Behavior.

That’s gonna take time so there’s time and patience involved.

That means they may not be willing to hear you out right now, the best thing you want to do is stay away from giving them your mouth in every way that you can think of.

You stay away from that.

Let things calm down.

Let things simmer before you give apologies.

That’s why the apology that John Gray gave is premature.

It cannot possibly be authentic because it’s a reaction form of apology…

but how do I apologize for hurting my wife?

Listen…

Changed Behavior.

Take your time.

If she asks for an apology, then you can tender that in the form of words but the best apology is not words.

Your apology in the form of words is a lot more useful when the person is asking for it.

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How to Deal with an Unsupportive Husband ❤️

What is an unsupportive husband?

If you have found yourself in a situation that makes you feel lack of support from your husband,

You may be wondering if you are now amongst the thousands of women dealing with an unsupportive husband.

Unsupportive Husband

So let’s dig in some 5 of the signs you should look out for.

In addition to that, we will talk about a few ways to attract the support you want from your husband.

Before we dive into the signs, it is important that you know that there is a difference between your feelings and reality.

Our feelings in general tend to exaggerate matters on ground.

Therefore making us attack the people we love and creating a back and forth mix of defensive and offensive behaviors.

You may be feeling unsupported and there may be a blurry line between that feeling and neediness.
Neediness will kill attraction in your marriage but it is quite possible that your husband is simply unsupportive.

So let’s get to the signs.

5 Signs of Unsupportive Husband

TRENDING:
How to Save my Marriage – 7 STEPS ❤️ Lola & OLA

SIGN #1 – He Treats You With Disdain

If you’ve found yourself in a marriage with a man who goes out of his way to make you feel unworthy, that’s a classic sign.

SIGN #2 – He Doesn’t Listen

It’s one thing to feel unheard but it’s another for your husband to shut you down every chance he gets to do that.

I don’t know which is worse but that is a sign that you are in a marriage with an unsupportive husband.

SIGN #3 – He Doesn’t Help

As a woman, not only does the society expect that you make sure all house chores are done, YOU probably have put that expectation on yourself.

If your husband doesn’t seem to put any effort into making sure you are not overwhelmed with this culture, he is not a supportive husband.

There are men that would be this way even when their wives are in illness or pregnant.

ON THE PREVIOUS POST:
Unhappy Marriage But Can’t Leave Does he Love Me

SIGN #4 – He is Abusive

There are 3 main different types of abuse namely:

  1. Verbal Abuse
  2. Emotional Abuse
  3. Physical Abuse

All 3 can end up in the same place; worst of which is death.

So make sure you seek professional help if you feel like you are in an abusive marriage.

That’s definitely a sign of an unsupportive husband.

SIGN #5 – He is Numb to Your Feelings

As a human being, we have feelings and yes they can be an exaggeration of reality.

But that is the more reason why the man in a marriage must be aware of those feelings.

If you can’t even get him to listen and see how you are “feeling” specifically, you may be in a marriage with an unsupportive husband.

Maybe he takes everything as an attack, gets defensive and never takes responsibility for the feelings in the marriage…

These are the common signs and issues that wives deal with in a marriage to an unsupportive husband.

Complacency can cause these behaviors; we tend to take each other for granted at some point.

If it’s that simple, you still deserve what you desire in a husband.

The first step is to communicate your feelings in words.

Make sure you are not just being needy and you are in a position where you can support yourself emotionally and in other areas.

If that hasn’t worked, you need to make yourself less available in the relationship and that should increase your value in the relationship.

Remember if you do not have a strong sense of self worthiness, no one else including your husband will find you worthy.

Below is a question for us to address with this lesson…

“What if you are trying everything to make your marriage happy again?

Going to a counselor is what we need.

But the other spouse doesn’t think you need it.

What do I do in that situation?

I am alone in this and trying to get him to see how I am feeling.

My husband isn’t supportive.”

Enjoy the video.

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Frequently Asked Questions

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5 Tricks to Fix Your Marriage ❤️

Want to know how to fix your marriage using 5 simple tricks that work 100% of the time?

You see people, including your spouse, are predictable.

That is to say you too can learn a few tricks to attract the love you deserve and desire.

I have to assume that you are experiencing a crisis in your marriage now and that must feel terrible to live in that kind of misery.

Your spouse has probably shut down and is using these moments to emotional abuse you and your marriage.

Use these 5 simple tricks to turn all that around and fix your marriage.

How to Fix Your Marriage Using 5 Simple Tricks

(1) Relax

Rejection breeds obsession.

So the feeling of rejection that you are experiencing at the moment will naturally give you the illusion that the world is about to end.

You and I know that it couldn’t be further from the truth.

So the first step is for you to take back the control of your emotion

And keep in mind and prepare that more triggers will show up temporarily to make you lose it.

Be determined to stay in control.

Here is good book to read as you do…

(2) Listen & Give

This is a marriage and you should always only go into relationships to give; not give and take.

The very act of complaining shows that you are in the taking mode and as you can see, it’s working against you.

Sure it’s not easy to “give” to a person who is not giving love back to you but I am not asking you to give love.

But you need to find opportunities to give.

So you have to listen effectively in order to determine what will be received when you give.

For example, if a spouse is shut down, they are asking for space and that’s an opportunity to “give” some space.

Here is another article: Marriage Separation Advice

In fact, I would argue that you also need that space to regain back your emotional control and escape potential emotional abuse.

Remember.. No one can abuse you emotionally unless you allow it.

Focusing on giving has a direct correlation with fixing your marriage successfully but it must accompany a generous level of patience.

How much you give has a lagging and not a leading indication in your marriage.

(3) Avoid Predictable Reactions

You are responsible for your actions and your reactions are your actions.

Essentially, you don’t get to say “he or she made me do it.”

You are an adult and…

Therefore you are responsible for your actions even when you are not willing to take responsibility.

But you are in a better position of control when you take responsibility without confusing it with guilt and/or self-blame.

When a spouse shuts down, it tends to create triggers for overreaction in many aspects.

So one of the tricks you can use to fix your marriage is to identify scenarios where you would normally overreact and simply do the opposite.

This trick is not a one size fits all.

If you are normally dormant in reacting, then you should gain courage and speak up using words.

But say what you want to say once and leave it there. Arguments will create an undesirable effect.

The idea of this trick is to not be predictable; being predictable kill attraction.

If you can successfully make your spouse wonder why you act the way you act, it will build attraction and with patience, you will fix the marriage.

(4) Detach from Feelings

You are probably feeling like your spouse is no longer in love with you right?

Well first of all, know that feelings are temporary in nature and tend to exaggerate the reality of what’s going on.

So start with how you feel… you are probably exaggerating naturally.

And if you are not exaggerating, your spouse has probably expressed that feeling in words. “I am not in love.”

The in-love is a feeling and it reflects hurt; that’s okay because that can be fixed.

In-love is not love… that’s just butterflies.

And you can probably figure why he or she feels that way at the moment; it’s temporary if you use trick #3… RELAX.

It is better to not get attached to how you feel and your spouses’ expression of how they feel.

Instead, focus on creating a new alternate experience and be patient because it will create a lagging indication and not a leading indication.

That means you will see moments that feel like your effort is not reflecting but that’s a feeling; focus on giving.

But don’t forget to give to yourself too.

(5) Avoid Approval Seeking Behaviors

Some are very quick to apologize but there is a problem with that.

There is blurry line between:

  • Apologies
  • Seeking Approval and
  • Manipulation

These, including apology itself, are not attractive behaviors and it is better in a marriage and relationships to focus on changed behavior.

Changed behavior is the best apology and it’s also attractive as it makes you less predictable in the eyes of your spouse.

You should only apologize once if you feel you should and only if your spouse specifically asks for it.

Think about it, if you have to apologize over and over, you are probably not going to get a different result that you desire with doing the same thing over and over.

In general, avoid approval seeking behavior as it indicates lack confidence and that’s very unattractive at subconscious levels.

BONUS TRICK: Patience

You are not meeting your spouse for the first time so fixing your marriage will be a process.

But it’s worth it because of the level of personal growth that comes with giving over and over when it seems like you won’t receive.

It’s worth the process and your marriage will last that much longer.

Below is a question for us to address with this lesson…

“I need help.

I have a wife and she doesn’t talk to me near her mom and dad.

She says she is shy but sometimes she talks to me and sometimes she doesn’t.

Only sometimes she doesn’t talk to other guys but I don’t know if she loves me.

She says she does but I don’t believe it.”

Enjoy the video.

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“My Wife DISRESPECTS Me” 9 Points Advice for you Especially in Separation… ❤️

In this lesson, I am sharing a 9-point marriage separation advice in order to give you the best chance to attract your spouse back in love with you.

At the bottom of this page, you will find the question that inspired this lesson.

Marriage Separation Advice - My wife disrespects me

(1) Give Yourself Space

It’s most likely that your spouse has asked you for space.

So if that’s the case, it’s very important that you don’t see it as a bad idea because frankly you probably need the space more.

You just can’t see that, because rejection breeds obsession.

Take advantage of the space apart to build a better “you”.

(2) Don’t Overrate Affairs

While your spouse may be distracted by an emotional or physical affair with another person, don’t highlight it.

The affair will never be worth what you have already shared with your spouse

But it is important that you showcase being unbothered by anything or anyone outside of the relationship you have with him or her.

The worst thing you can do is to spend your space apart bickering about affairs; it will only expand and you will push your spouse further away.

(3) It Takes One But…

Insisting that you stay together is not going to help save your marriage as much as attracting your spouse back.

It only takes one person to create attraction but that requires a process and insisting otherwise will interrupt that process of attraction.

Instead, let go as it only takes “you” to build attraction which is the single most important thing that is missing right now.

(4) Don’t Use/Abuse Children

The marriage separation period will come with a lot of temptations

And one of them is trying to inflict emotional abuse and blackmail on your spouse.

Another one is abusing your children as a tool to accomplish that goal.

It always backfires.

The most common one, believe it or not, is not as obvious as you may think.

It happens more in the form of manipulation under the pretense of protecting the child or children.

What you want to do is stay focused on what you want and don’t want

And leave the children out of it even if that’s painful for you emotionally.

Your emotional feelings are temporary.

The only exception to this, is physical abuse of the children; in that case, it would be non-negotiable to get the children removed from harm’s way.

(5) After 3 Months, You are Free

It’s not advisable to engage in transgressions with other people during separation but we are all humans.

Technically, you are free to move on after 3 months of lack of sexual relationship when it is not medically related in my personal opinion.

But also in my personal opinion, the most profitable and worthwhile thing to work on in this period is self growth.

If you don’t, transgression and the lifestyle that comes with it can destroy everything you care about.

It can be even worse when it’s done in retaliation.

If you decide to move on, seek legal counsel to avoid exposing you and/or your children to unfavorable legal loopholes.

(6) More Actions/Less Talking

That should be pretty clear but be careful not to confuse certain inaction with emotional centered-ness.

For example, don’t abandon your children and/or your normal responsibilities in the name of less talking.

That would be irresponsible and such behavior will continue to lower your spouse’s attraction towards you.

Just keep in mind that changed behavior is the best apology.

So for the most part, verbal apology will work against you because of the expectation for instant results.

Stay away from arguments, approval seeking behaviors and focus on building your self during this period.

(7) You Allow Disrespect

If there are any type of disrespect and/or disregard from your spouse during your separation, ask yourself first,

“How did I put myself in that position?”

“How did I allow that”?

You need to take the time to extract the answer to that question as it will help with clarity as you move into the new phase of your marriage.

The bottom-line and the result of this exercise should be that no one should be taking anyone for granted again.

When you take yourself for granted, your spouse will see it as a permission to take you for granted if they are weak like most people.

(8) Never Bribe for Sex

Don’t manipulate with whatever you do for your spouse, children and family at this time as a bribe for sex.

It will work against your desire.

Do it if you find it honorable to do and you don’t have to if you don’t feel like it.

The worst thing you can do is do it and then blame them for not reciprocating.

(9) Work on Yourself

That should be self explanatory.

Use the marriage separation period to build yourself and attract the love and affection that you deserve.

It’s simple but I agree…

It’s easier said than done.

Below is a question for us to address with this lesson…

“ I really enjoy your content on IG: @LOLAandOLA and I need to ask you a question.

In April 2017, my wife said she wanted space for 2 weeks because we were not in a good place and she was distracted by an affair at the time.

Initially, I objected and wanted us to get a fresh new start.

She did not return and recently found out she is in a full blown now having sexually intimate moments with her partner on the same bed as my 6 years old daughter who told me she’s uncomfortable.

As a christian, am I totally free without guilt to remarry even though we are not officially divorced.

I’m not going to crawl and beg her.

I did all I could to fight and save the marriage. But it’s clearly not working out.

She finds joy in disrespecting me and talking to me anyhow, rudely and distastefully.

Mind you, I am financially okay and earn 8-figures per annum.

I still give her monthly up-keep, 120K per month, for my daughters, excluding fees, clothing… until 2019 January when I stopped for many reasons.”

Enjoy the video.

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3 Things You MUST Learn from Couples Counseling

In this lesson, you will discover 3 things you must be determined to figure out if and when you go to a couples’ counseling.

Here are is a whole article on marriage specific counseling and how to get the most help from it… if you need it all.

Before I dive into that, here is a quick tip for you especially if you are in a marriage.

Anytime, your significant other has for you to go to a couples counseling session,

Recognize that instantly as an amazing opportunity to learn something new.

That’s not really a moment to get defensive and be asking why you all need it.

If you do that, recognize the defensive as the first reason why you need a couples’ counseling.

Now, people tend to waste money and time at a counseling session because of lack of preparation.

Therefore write these 3 things down to ask the counselor to help you figure out.

(1) The 1st thing to learn from Couples Counseling is Emotion Control

You will need this particularly with respect to the uniqueness of your relationship.

So the counselor may need to hear you and your concerns out first and then…

Specifically ask for help with emotional control. It will make your investment worthwhile.

Couples counseling - Success Rate?

(2) Betrayal Recovery

If you are sure that your significant other loves you, it’s worth fighting for it if you have the urge.

But the worst you can do is stay in a relationship and unknowingly be abusing each other emotionally.

Ask for tools specifically for betrayal recovery so that you can heal properly.

It will also work for infidelity and any trust-related issues.

(3) Risk Benefit Analysis

If you’ve invested significant time in the relationship and you are not sure if your partner loves you in a healthy way,

Ask your counselor to outline the risk and benefits of staying and leaving the relationship.

That way, you can know your choices properly and make a proper decision.
YOU have to be the one to decide; no one can do that for you.

If these 3 is all you get out of the couples’ counseling session, you will come with significant growth…

Both as an individual and for the relationship which doesn’t have to be staying together by the way.

Below is a question for us to address Lessons from Counseling …

“My husband and I have been married for 16 years now.

He is my best friend and I am more than sure he still loves me.

But he betrayed me. Please help.

I don’t want to leave him but I feel I have no other choice.

Several years ago, he was unfaithful prior to our marriage.

Although he made a solid promise in the eyes of God never to fail me again.
He did.

The infidelity isn’t the only thing that’s jeopardizing our marriage…

At this point, I don’t recognize him any more and I am ready to file for divorce.

I feel like if I stay, I will break the promise that I made to myself when I forgave him the first time.

Basically, I feel like he will fail me again.

I don’t know what to do & breaking apart.

I am willing to leave a man I am completely devoted to and in love with.”

Enjoy the video.

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Normal Enrollment Fee - $10,000+
FREE TODAY

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FREE Bootcamp Course + FREE Book! THIS is what you are missing... TRUST ME! This is the success formula of those who are not complaining on social media. Click Here to Learn More...

FREE! Get My marriage back and smart relationship guide

You may like this article… “Wife is texting another guy and hiding it”

What Would Help You Most Right Now?

Choose the option that best matches where you are with your marriage.

I Need Personalized Help

My Marriage Is in Serious Trouble

If you're dealing with separation, divorce, loss of attraction, infidelity, intimacy problems, or a spouse who's pulling away, get help looking at what's happening in your specific situation.

Get Personalized Help →
Get My Marriage Back book cover
I'd Rather Learn What to Do First

Start With Get My Marriage Back

Get the book and start learning the principles for moving your marriage in a better direction.

Get the Free Book →