“FIDELITY, MARRIAGE & HOLINESS”📍 John Gray

Question: “Fidelity, Marriage & Holiness”

In particular we are talking about holiness.

So there’s this video that John Gray said:

“For those who need to hear me say this. The name of the Lord is holy. The standard is holiness. The word of God is utterly holy. He is not to be toyed with. Church is not a gain and pastors are held to the highest of standards, moral integrity, character when no one is looking, fidelity and faithfulness in marriage and for me, not submitting to process, not staying accountable and not utilizing the voices available to teach me the tools have caused me to make bad decisions.”

For a minute I got confused there, I thought he was gonna say “Touch not my anointed”.

But if you read between the lines, you will know that that’s really what he meant.

I’m just used to “touch not my anointed one” because that’s how our own Nigerian pastors…

That’s how they say “don’t judge me, how dare you” that’s what I was getting from there but in a different form.

I was expecting him to say “Touch not my anointed”, the usual one that they say.

But he did say it in a different form and then at the end of the day he is saying he didn’t take accountability,

…I mean his whole message is confusing.

Many pastors I know are really struggling with their marriages and the only common thing with them is because they are all pastors.

And these are all extremely huge pastors.

Big pastors, some of them are still very loud about how a woman should be submissive.

That’s to support the point we are making here.

It’s bigger than just your holiness Bro.

Maybe striving for holiness is better than holiness because Holiness is not attainable.

PREVIOUS POST: “Remorse vs Repentance”📍 John Gray

Can we just be honest about that?

But we are not gonna say like that because people should still strive to be better people.

I believe in people striving to be better people than this holiness thing.

The reason why I kick against like that, I know to certain church people they are gonna be like “what do you mean?” I get it.

Your chest comes out when you hear “Holiness is not good enough” I get it but I didn’t mean to say that,

Just like John Gray did not mean to say “touch not my anointed” but that’s actually what he said by saying holiness.

It’s not relevant, that’s the point.

So Fidelity, Marriage & Holiness.

You’re right, you’re wrong.

It clearly doesn’t matter and I know maybe I didn’t bring enough samples but there’s more than enough samples out there,

…and as we said earlier, a lot of pastors suffer in marriage or their wife is suffering in the marriage at least,

Because their outlook on life is this holiness thing and they can’t live up to that standard unfortunately.

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John Gray cannot live up to this standard.

He is still busy presenting that he can’t.

Talking about Fidelity, Marriage & Holiness, we are asking something simple, as simple as faithfulness to your wife.

We are not even asking him but he decided to come and share that, after the blogs broke that out.

And you’re talking about holiness Bro?

You’re manipulating people, you are saying holiness is the standard.

Standard of what?

Nobody is arguing about that.

That’s the point I’m making.

Nobody is arguing that holiness is the standard when talking about the bible, but we are talking about a real human being in your house,

… that you just hurt because you told them that you are gonna be faithful to them and your lifestyle and you being a pastor and she is also a pastor Mrs,

You can’t even live up to that and you are talking about Fidelity, Marriage & Holiness.

Are you confused or something?

So this is the confusion that’s going on everywhere.

You can see it everywhere.

Keep it simple, with regards to Fidelity, Marriage & Holiness,

Let’s not worry about holiness, let’s not worry about you being God.

Let’s just start with, you’re human.

We just found out that you’re human, you just found out that you are human let’s focus on that.

So remove yourself and don’t worry about the blogs.

Let them go crazy.

See, wise people, the most powerful people in the world will probably let the blogs go crazy.

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They let them knock themselves out and say “Oh what happened, you found out that I slept with your dog yesterday? Knock yourself out okay?”,

…God forbid I didn’t sleep with a dog really.

You know what I’m saying.

Knock yourself out.

Why do you feel the need to come and respond so quickly?

It tells me you are guilty and I don’t even like pointing out guilt, but because we are humans, like we just said,

We are humans so just let it go.

You have to learn how to let go.

Yes they are talking about you right now you are making the news, there was a real video, we get it.

Put out a statement through a PR.

No need to apologize because your apology is useless right now and especially to your wife, sadly.

Your apology is useless and most apologies are useless.

Let’s just put that out like that.

When it comes to the holiness situation with church folks, I don’t even get involved because I don’t consider myself a holy person.

I’m not even gonna sit down there and argue with you.

I just don’t know why I would be fighting.

People who try to present themselves as holiness or a holy person, it’s a waste of energy for the most part.

No one is perfect.

Though you can try to be a better person than you are yesterday.

You can work on that because that’s easier.

Don’t waste your energy on holiness.

It’s a waste of energy honestly and you are not gonna attain it.

Let’s just be practical, it’s never gonna happen as long as you’re human, good luck on that.

Even Jesus was knocked to the wood eventually so who are you, you are not holy.

Stop talking about holiness as the standard.

Who are you?

Holiness can be a bastard.

It becomes pride for some people you know.

“Remorse vs Repentance”📍 John Gray

Question: “Remorse vs Repentance”

These are John Gray’s words,

…like we said earlier he is a very very wise guy, he has a lot of things he can teach people but clearly not at this part.

“Remorse or Repentance. I have learned that remorse simply means: I’m sad because you found out. Repentance is: I’m sorrowful and I will change.”– John Gray

Alright like we said, he is a wise guy…

He is wise with the words.

I agree with what he said but what I would remove from that is when he said “I’m sorrowful and I will change”.

I agree with that except the part where you have to say it.

Like he is saying, let me come and apologize.

Let me come and say to you that I’m sorrowful and I would change.

Why should I believe you?

This is not the first or the second.

They are not gonna believe you.

The person you are apologizing to will not believe you simply because if it was that simple, you will fix it.

And he also said that remorse is, “I’m sad because you found out”,

…like I’m not really sad it’s just that I’m sorry I got caught.

But Remorse is it that?

I didn’t really feel that way until he said it, I don’t necessarily agree with that.

I think that’s just him being overly wise with his words.

See, I’m gonna have to go to google for that cause to me I feel like remorse is genuine,

but now I’m finding that hard that remorse is not that necessarily genuine.

From what I understood, remorse and repentance go hand in hand.

Google says, Remorse is a deep regret or guilt for a wrong committed.

So what do you mean I’m sad, no it’s not remorse, maybe there is a different word for what he said which is “I’m sad that you found out”.

That’s an apology, how about that?

That’s why you give a premature apology and you are asking for forgiveness.

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When you apologize over and over again because you are only sad,

…because you got found out and you are trying to quick-fix it.

Can you imagine how disgusted the wife is?

That’s what happens when you over apologize.

She is disgusted, she would be like “get out of my face, you don’t mean what you are saying, you just want me to say I forgive you right now. And I don’t want you in my face”

Kenny says “Remorse is showing that you genuinely regretted it happened”.

That’s what I thought, that can lead to repentance.

So it’s not a bad thing to be remorseful,

What’s bad is this whole apology thing.

This apology one day after he got found out is a sign that you are just sad because people found out.

That’s more like it.

What happens when things happen to you?

You just go quiet in a corner and deal with your demons, but with social media these days,

…everybody is easy to talk to , easy to type this and that and that’s what is making it worse.

That’s why we made this video right here because a lot of people misconstrue remorse, repentance and apology.

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Changed behavior is what we need ultimately.

I think that’s what women really need, not the apology.

Look, you already embarrassed me and now the whole world knows that I am married to a guy that is disrespectful,

…because he is doing this the second time or I don’t know how many times he did it,

but you know, you’ve embarrassed me and now you are out here talking about how you would change and apologize.

I just wanna see you change already!

I wanna see it in action.

That’s what his wife is probably thinking.

I’m a woman too and I know what that feels like.

I’m just saying that you know like “oh because you got caught”, who knows how many you’ve done you know.

This one came out but we don’t know, it’s a tough one.

Kenny says “step aside for a while and think about what you have done and how you could have done better and what you will need to do to fix it”

That’s what I’m talking about.

Step aside.

I don’t care how the world is coming at you, don’t even pay attention to do that.

Why is it difficult for people to step aside?

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Because they are on freakin’ social media, blogs, reading comments…

And because it’s the obsession with fixing things.

It’s the obsession with fixing things.

That’s what’s more important to them than the right behavior in the first place.

And the only way to get into changed behavior is time.

You don’t have to prove that now.

Time heals.

I really believe in time, so just give it time.

This woman can’t be mad forever, I mean if you are truly changing you’ll be surprised she falls in love back with you all over again like that thing never happened.

When people even ask “oh so you are taking him back even though he disrespected you?”,

… she would tell them to mind their own business.

That’s why you have to learn how to give it time.

All this much talk and no actions, it doesn’t make any sense.

“Is infidelity God’s FAULT?”📍 John Gray

Question: “Is infidelity God’s FAULT?”

“…why do you use me? I didn’t ask for this. You raised me up and I told you I’m not the one. I told you I got all of these stuff I have been praying for years, my answers never come. But I pray for others and you answer them right away. Why did you raise me up if you knew that I was gonna miss it and in the process of trying to serve you, my humanity would explode from behind the facade of religious perfection…” – John Gray

He just blamed God for everything, “I told you I’m not capable of being a pastor and you make me a pastor?”

But he’s been collecting the money.

He did a show called The Book of John Gray, I love that show.

He was also a background singer back in the day.

I actually think he is such a wise guy until this issue happened.

When he speaks, It’s his talent you can’t take that away from him.

A gift is a gift and he has that gift,

… but that doesn’t mean you are not going to be responsible for your emotional affairs or happenings.

See when you tender an apology too early this is what happens,

… you will say the wrong things.

First of all, that apology was too long.

He should have done the PR thing.

The wisest people in this world, what they do is they send a PR to go tender an apology statement because your truth varies.

Your truth now when this thing just happened is only based on your reaction.

While the truth you have a few weeks later from now would have changed because you would have settled in.

You would have used the wisdom of God to process what happened.

Plus, you will have more information and everything would have been calmed a little bit.

You are busy apologizing to the world, when that’s not the least of your issues because he said it, he is strong bone.

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The person that covers him is his wife.

That’s the person that covers him but he is going to lose that.

Then come and give or tender his apology like a day after the news broke out,

…that you threw out completely under the bus?

Like come on.

So infidelity, what is it miscommunication?

Whatever he just did or he called it because “It wasn’t physical” so it doesn’t matter.

And all of this is God’s fault because God called him,

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…but he collects that money, he has been making money with his brand.

He is so manipulative.

He made so much money and bought a Lamborghini for the wife as the last apology.

Yes, the apology from some strange woman.

I mean, all these years I have been going to church, God forgive me, I didn’t know about the strange woman until they talked about that.

I was like “why is she saying strange woman like that”, the way she emphasizes on that strange woman…

Well, strange women and strange men, they are everywhere.

So, Is infidelity God’s fault?

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No, infidelity is not God’s fault.

You have to be responsible with your own actions.

And when you are covering things up and then the wrong things are coming out of your mouth,

That’s what happens when you apologize too early.

Too early or premature apologies are manipulative.

There are other ways to fix emotional matters quickly.

It takes time.

“The WRONG WAY To Take Responsibility”📍 John Gray

Question: “The WRONG WAY To Take Responsibility”

What do you think of Pastor John Gray’s message below?

“…Things and blogs some of them accurate some of it not but all of it, my responsibility. I apologize for putting the name of God in harm’s way and I alone take the responsibility for the actions that harmed and injured God’s sheep. No matter how many pseudo excuses one can hurl in a moment like this for the purposes of self preservation, all of them ring hollow when all that is true…”

I sincerely wish that he would just excuse himself from church like “You know what, let me go get myself together”.

I really wish he didn’t have all these long speeches, it has no meaning.

It just makes him look worse.

He’s saying that he takes responsibility but in the same talking he is saying not everything is accurate like, dude you are talking too much right now.

So the fact that he came and tendered this apology within a week of this news breaking out is a narcissist behavior.

He cares about himself more and what it looks like to the people.

That’s what it is.

But some people say something like, “You use a little piece of fart to mess up all of the apology that’s about to come”.

The part where he said “some of it accurate, some of it not”, that destroyed the apology because he is still being defensive.

That’s the problem.

You know, if you understand anything about emotional energy and how these things work, and the effect of everything you say…

starting from the first letter, it’s a domino effect, so if you say the wrong thing in the beginning you might as well not worry about saying the right things.

Because that one thing was stamped in the head of the person.

So when he said “the blogs some of it accurate”, that means the news that they released to the blog and “some of it not” that destroyed every piece of apology what he is about to give.

That’s the wrong way to take responsibility.

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It’s definitely the wrong way to apologize.

If an apology was ever needed, that’s definitely the wrong way to apologize.

And it’s the wrong way to ask for forgiveness because you are still saying it’s their fault.

Even though in that same sentence, in the same breath, you said “I take responsibility for it all”,

…no dude you said in the beginning.

That first thing you said has that much weight because the weight is not based in just one word, the weight is based on the impact that it puts on the particular situation that is going on.

You know, the idea is just supposed to take responsibility but you added some of that responsibility…

you’ve added a blame a little bit.

So you are saying “they are not accurate… I take responsibility”,

No.

You didn’t take responsibility because your action speaks louder than your words.

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Even the body language says that “I just wanna be holy and tell you that it was not my fault. It was the blog’s fault but I am going to pretend that I meant it was my fault but…”

You are confused you should have taken the time, that will be humbling yourself and listening to what just happened.

Clearly you made the mess because you were the one talking on the video, to the side piece.

Yeah… There’s a video, that’s the problem.

You can’t even argue with the video.

It is out there and you can’t come back from that.

Just let it go, take yourself into therapy or whatever you need to do to take care of this situation.

Take care of that.

But you can’t be in the face of people right now.

I wish he just took that time off and said “I need to get out of here”.

For a string of maybe three weeks or something.

So the best and right way to take responsibility, if you’ve offended your wife, which that’s what he should be focused on, not with the church.

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You know what, to hell with the church, he should be focusing with his wife right now because as the saying goes “Charity begins at home”.

If he focuses on his wife and his wife comes back to him in a good peace, people will have no choice but to respect that…

And people can tell by their actions.

If they want they should not respect it but I understand that he has to feed his family.

But there are ways to do that without him.

I’m just saying.

“Is PHYSICAL A Worse Offense Than EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY?”📍 John Gray

Question: “Is PHYSICAL A Worse Offense Than EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY?”

So John Gray got caught basically, and there is a video of him coming out talking to a side chick about his wife…

that the wife only gives pizza to the babies for dinner.

I don’t understand why men put their wives down.

Who cares if your wife is feeding you pizza in the house?

If you don’t like it you get in the kitchen or if you had a problem with that, why didn’t you talk to me?

Maybe I am not the easiest to talk to, but then maybe you can get yourself in the kitchen or come up with ideas…

Like getting a chef that would cook for us on a daily basis.

On one of John Gray’s Videos he said:

“This was not physical or sexual. I’ve only ever been with one woman, that is my wife.”

What do we have to say about that?

Saying that he is not physical but he is emotional, what difference does he make?

You are talking to another woman and being emotional is just like you already slept with a person…

because everywhere that your wife has been with you, they get to experience that.

You have bared your heart to this person.

Is Physical a worse offense than emotional infidelity?

If you have an emotional affair and that’s all you did and then you got caught, dude you missed out.

You might as well sleep with the person because you are going to receive equal amounts of scrutiny.

It’s just as bad.

You are going to hurt that person just as much, if not more because now you are going to be telling her that “I’ve never slept with this person”.

Now they are gonna look at you like a liar because they will never believe you.

They will punish you that much more because they are thinking in their head “no you already slept with this person”.

I mean honestly how would they know?

They weren’t there with you.

So if you were already sharing intimate conversations with your side chick and trying to bring her to the same hotel where you and your wife would go…

You might as well just have slept with the lady so you could just say “you know you are right. I slept” so you could get away quickly…

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And maybe she will accept your apology a lot faster.

You are in the worst place when you truthfully haven’t slept with that person.

It’s the truth but she is not gonna believe you and your punishment will be twice.

So if you are going to apologize at all, the last thing you want to bring up is “it wasn’t physical”.

Dude, it doesn’t matter if it was physical or not… and pastor John Gray should know better.

Bottom line is that you are exchanging these intimate moments that are only designed for you and your wife… you broke that trust.

It’s the trust that you broke, that is the issue and not what really happened physically.

She doesn’t care if you slept with that person or not.

In fact, you putting that in the midst of your apology is making things worse.

So, Is Physical a worse offense than emotional infidelity?

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If that’s the question, it’s backwards… emotional is worse because you are going to get punished that much.

Even in terms of wasting all that energy on emotion, you might as well just go all in.

Once you start lusting after that, you have already sinned.

John Gray needs to get it together when it comes to that and I understand the pressure of being a pastor and also being human…

But that’s the part where you couldn’t stop walking.

The pressure has to be a lot more because he is a pastor.

And then he was saying that his wife does not feed them anything else but pizzas…

Come on, why are you saying these things about your wife?

Why are you painting your wife bad?

Is it to get empathy from your side chick or something?

I don’t understand.

This is common in some men, I won’t say all men because not all men do that…

some men, they will trash their wife just so they can get sympathy pussy.

If you have to trash one woman to get another woman, you don’t have a gain and you are a sorry case.

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That’s something that even young men who are not necessarily married should know.

Like if you broke up with somebody, always be good to them because they came into your life for a reason, you chose them.

So when you start speaking bad of them, you are speaking of yourself.

Like I said, it’s a lack of gain when you do that.

But some people are in a weak place, when they are engaged in an emotional affair.

Like a lot of people until they bring a baby into this world, they actually always had no intention of doing it.

If the devil approaches us with intentions, all of us will be perfect if we just make sure we have good intentions right.

Good intentions are overrated for a reason because the devil knows like “you don’t have that intention, but you are lacking emotionally somewhere”

so he is going to bring someone who is going to fill that gap.

Then when that person fills that gap, you are still gonna be in denial like, “no I would never do that”

… and just wait and wait and wait until you are comfortable enough and admit that it really did happen.