What Would Help You Most Right Now?

Choose the option that best matches where you are with your marriage.

I Need Personalized Help

My Marriage Is in Serious Trouble

If you're dealing with separation, divorce, loss of attraction, infidelity, intimacy problems, or a spouse who's pulling away, get help looking at what's happening in your specific situation.

Get Personalized Help →
Get My Marriage Back book cover
I'd Rather Learn What to Do First

Start With Get My Marriage Back

Get the book and start learning the principles for moving your marriage in a better direction.

Get the Free Book →
Posted on

“Does My Wife MISS ME During SEPARATION?”

Living apart from your spouse is an agonizing experience, leading many hurting husbands to constantly ask: does my wife miss me during separation?

Take This 2 Minutes Marriage Assessment

Question 1 of 15

When communication drops, it is incredibly easy to spiral into panic, over-analyze her silence, or look for hidden clues in her text messages.

However, chasing her for validation will only backfire.

True attraction requires emotional breathing room.

This guide outlines the psychological reality of marital distance, how to identify genuine positive signs during separation, and how to use this season to build your own self-respect so she naturally wonders about you again.

does my wife miss me during separation

Does My Wife Miss Me During Separation?

The short answer is: probably yes, at least sometimes—but that doesn’t automatically mean she is ready to reconcile.

Human beings become emotionally attached to routines, shared experiences, companionship, and familiarity.

Even when a marriage is struggling, the absence of a spouse often creates emotional gaps that are impossible to ignore.

However, whether your wife misses you—and how intensely she misses you—depends on several factors:

  • Who initiated the separation
  • The level of emotional damage in the marriage
  • Whether trust was broken
  • How long the separation has lasted
  • Whether she feels relief or loss
  • The quality of your interactions before separation

Many husbands assume that if their wife isn’t reaching out, she doesn’t care anymore.

That assumption is often wrong.

People process emotional pain differently. Some become more expressive. Others become quieter.

A wife can miss you and still choose distance because she believes space is necessary.

The Law of Attraction: Why Chasing Her Kills Her Desire to Wonder

When you are separated, hyper-fixing on whether your wife misses you is the fastest way to ensure that she doesn’t.

If you are constantly seeking signs of her attraction, it consumes your thoughts, causing you to completely neglect your personal growth and life goals.

Your relationship shouldn’t define you; it should complement your authentic self.

In life, people often attract what they fear most because fear changes behavior.

The husband who fears losing his wife becomes needy, reactive, impatient, and emotionally dependent.

Ironically, these are the exact traits that reduce attraction.

If a man hasn’t given his wife space, she cannot experience the psychological vacuum required to actually miss him.

Start paying attention to:

  • Your physical fitness
  • Your emotional intelligence
  • Your purpose and mission
  • Your friendships
  • Your faith and gratitude
  • Your personal growth

Allow your wife room to wonder what you are doing.

Allow her room to experience your absence.

Taking your attention off her and investing it back into your life’s purpose is often the fastest way to rebuild attraction during separation.

Why Separation Isn't Always a Bad Thing - does my wife miss me during separation

Why Separation Isn’t Always a Bad Thing

Most men hear the word “separation” and immediately think the marriage is over.

Not necessarily.

In many cases, separation is simply a symptom of emotional overwhelm.

Think about the alternative.

Would you rather continue living in a toxic environment filled with:

  • Constant conflict
  • Emotional disconnection
  • Resentment
  • Criticism
  • Contempt
  • Exhaustion

Sometimes separation creates the emotional breathing room necessary for clarity.

Distance often reveals things that proximity hides.

When two people stop reacting to each other daily, they gain perspective.

That perspective can either confirm the desire to leave—or reignite appreciation for what was taken for granted.

Is It Normal to Lose Attraction to Your Partner? What to Do Next

5 Positive Signs During Separation

If you’re wondering whether your wife misses you, look for behaviors rather than assumptions.

Sign #1 – She Reaches Out Without Necessity

When communication is no longer required but she still finds reasons to contact you, it can indicate emotional attachment remains.

Examples include:

  • Asking how you’re doing
  • Sending funny videos
  • Sharing life updates
  • Checking in casually

These interactions suggest she still values connection.

Sign #2 – She Brings Up Positive Memories

Nostalgia is powerful.

When your wife references vacations, family moments, inside jokes, or good times together, she’s mentally revisiting emotional experiences associated with you.

That is usually a positive sign.

Sign #3 – She Delays Permanent Decisions

A wife who is absolutely certain she wants out typically moves forward decisively.

If she continues postponing divorce discussions, asking for more time, or expressing uncertainty, she may still be processing her feelings.

Sign #4 – She Shows Curiosity About Your Life

People don’t become curious about things they no longer care about.

If she’s asking mutual friends about you, monitoring your progress, or asking questions about what you’ve been doing, there is likely still emotional interest.

Sign #5 – She Becomes More Comfortable Around You

Watch her energy rather than her words.

If interactions become warmer, more relaxed, and less defensive over time, attraction and trust may slowly be rebuilding.

10 Physical Signs Your Wife Is Cheating

3 Bad Signs During Separation From Husband

While maintaining hope is healthy, it’s equally important to stay grounded in reality.

Bad Sign #1 – She Shows Complete Indifference

Anger still contains emotional energy.

Indifference often signals emotional detachment.

If she consistently appears uninterested in your life, your well-being, or the future of the marriage, that’s a concern.

Bad Sign #2 – She Actively Avoids Contact

If she repeatedly refuses communication, avoids all interaction, and demonstrates no desire to maintain connection, she may be creating emotional distance intentionally.

Bad Sign #3 – She Is Focused Entirely on a Future Without You

Pay attention to actions rather than promises.

If she is making long-term plans that exclude you entirely and shows no interest in discussing reconciliation, that’s a sign the separation may be moving toward permanence.

Check this out: How To Rebuild Trust After An Affair

3 Ways To Make Your Wife Miss You During Separation

Many husbands ask, “How do I make my wife miss me during separation?”

The answer is not manipulation.

You cannot force somebody to miss you.

You can only create conditions where missing you becomes possible.

#1 – Stop Being Available Every Minute

Constant texting, calling, checking in, and seeking reassurance destroys mystery.

Attraction requires space.

Space creates curiosity.

Curiosity creates emotional movement.

#2 – Rebuild Your Identity

One of the biggest mistakes separated spouses make is allowing the marriage to become their entire identity.

Become the man she originally admired:

  • Purpose-driven
  • Confident
  • Emotionally grounded
  • Self-respecting
  • Growth-oriented

Your relationship should complement your life, not become your life.

#3 – Master Emotional Intelligence

Most marital breakdowns are not caused by evil intentions.

They’re caused by poor emotional management.

Learn to eliminate behaviors that poison relationships:

  • Blame
  • Shaming
  • Condemnation
  • Sarcasm
  • Constant criticism
  • Defensiveness

A calm and emotionally intelligent man naturally becomes more attractive.

Focus on the Three P’s

When navigating separation, remember:

Prayer

For things beyond your control.

Patience

Because emotional healing takes time.

Process

Because sustainable reconciliation is a journey, not an event.

Why Is My Husband So Cold Towards Me? 3 Reasons & What to Do

does my wife miss me during separation - Make Your Wife Miss You During Separation by Becoming More Attractive

Make Your Wife Miss You During Separation by Becoming More Attractive

Attraction isn’t built through pressure.

It’s built through contrast.

If your wife remembers a stressed, reactive, needy version of you, then your mission is not convincing her to return.

Your mission is becoming a healthier version of yourself.

Work on:

  • Physical health
  • Emotional stability
  • Leadership
  • Self-awareness
  • Gratitude
  • Purpose

The more grounded you become, the more likely she is to notice the difference.

Whether reconciliation happens or not, you win because you become stronger.

You Husband Doesn’t Want You Anymore? How to Rebuild Attraction From a Position of Self-Respect

Keeping Hope During Separation Without Becoming Desperate

Hope is healthy.

Desperation is not.

The difference is subtle.

Hope says:

“I want this marriage to work, but I’ll be okay regardless.”

Desperation says:

“My happiness depends entirely on her decision.”

The first mindset creates attraction.

The second creates pressure.

Remember that respect, trust, and attraction are rebuilt gradually.

Trying to force outcomes usually delays them.

So… Does My Wife Miss Me During Separation?

In most cases, yes, your wife likely misses aspects of you during separation.

She may miss your companionship, your presence, your support, your humor, your family routines, or the life you built together.

But the better question isn’t whether she misses you.

The better question is:

Are you becoming the kind of man she can miss even more tomorrow than she does today?

Give her space.

Focus on growth.

Stay emotionally grounded.

Let attraction rebuild naturally rather than trying to force it.

Sometimes the strongest move during separation is not chasing harder—it’s becoming better.

Check this out: The signs that your wife is ready to reconcile

Frequently Asked Questions [FAQ]

What to expect during separation?

Expect a mixture of emotions including sadness, relief, confusion, hope, and uncertainty. Separation often creates emotional distance initially, but it can also provide clarity and perspective for both spouses over time.

What percentage of marriages last after a separation?

Research varies, but many separated couples never formally divorce, and a meaningful percentage eventually reconcile. Success depends heavily on the reasons for separation, willingness to change, and both partners’ commitment to rebuilding trust.

How long do divorced couples still sleep together?

There is no standard timeline because every situation is unique. Some couples maintain physical intimacy during separation or after divorce due to emotional attachment, while others stop immediately once the relationship ends.

What should a wife not do during separation?

A wife should avoid using separation solely as a tool for punishment, manipulation, or emotional leverage. Clear boundaries, honest communication, and respect for the agreed purpose of the separation create the best environment for healing and clarity.

Posted on

Trying To Save Marriage Wife Said It’s Too Late? ❤️ Try this 3 “UNUSUAL” Tricks

In this lesson, you will discover the 3 SECRET tricks that I used when I was trying to save my marriage when my wife said it was too late.

By the way, you can master the full methods by downloading our free book at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com or get it on Amazon

QUESTION ⁉️ “It all sounds great but this evil will not help me with my wife; when she says she’s done, it means she’s done.”

The first sign we notice in this message is the fact that a husband is throwing hands up in the air claiming there is no way for his wife to behave.

When you approach saving your marriage with that energy, you will attract more of it.

What if you accept that you are confused and it’s just time to learn something new about making your wife open for you to penetrate mentally and physically?”

ENJOY THE VIDEO.

Trying To Save Marriage Wife Said It’s Too Late

IMG - trying to save marriage, wife said it's too late

TRICK #1 – Stop Confusing Words with Action

If you are like most people, you’ve caught feeling and you are feeling rejected because your wife says she’s done.

Never mind what she says; what about her actions?

Is she still living in the same house with you?  

If she is still connected to you in one way or the other, even if it’s because of the kids, I would stop panicking.

It’s common mistake in relationships especially marriage to confuse her words with her actions.

Relax and follow her actions.

Regardless of what the action may be, relax; you are the king.

TRICK #2 – Admit that the Marriage May Be Too Late to Save

Once you relax, she will become curious again and want to initiate engagement.

Use that opportunity to show case you new relaxed man who is sure of himself and require no validation from anyone in order to be happy.

This is more of a demeanor and energy than what you say out.

It’s also okay at this stage to admit that the marriage is bad

… and that’s not equivalent to admitting that it’s all your fault.

It will only showcase you as a king who knows how to listen and communicate effectively with his queen.

This new behavior will shock your wife and will start to consider changing her mind…

If she was ever serious about saving your marriage being too late.

TRICK #3 – Give Her What She Wants; Gift of Missing You

This process will take time but you can leverage this opportunity to give yourself a gift.

When she insinuated that it’s too late to save the marriage, she’s was saying she needed space.

There is no one single event that can shut a marriage off.

Give her what she wants; the gift of missing you–space.  

You need space too as it’s an opportunity to showcase your ability of infinite patience.

BONUS TRICK – Learn the Art of Attraction – Read the Book 10-15 times

In that time period, it can be extremely difficult to just sit tight and not express yourself.

You may even feel unheard; but that’s needy behavior.

Download the book for free and read it 10-15 times so that you can teach the material unprepared.

It makes patience easier.

That time ans space will increase attraction between the two of you and…

You will equipped with material and ingredients to catalyze further growth of the attraction that you now have.

We all know that relationships have their ups and downs, and sometimes, those downs can feel pretty darn low.

So, you might be wondering…

When exactly is it too late to save a marriage? And is all that effort really worth it to mend a broken marriage?

First things first, let’s address the timing.

The truth is, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer to this.

Every relationship is unique, just like the people in it. Some couples manage to find their way back even from the darkest of times, while others might reach a point where the pain and damage become irreparable.

It’s crucial to remember that it’s not just about the timeline, but also about the willingness and effort both partners are willing to put in.

Now, let’s talk about whether it’s worth fixing a broken marriage.

This is a tough one, no doubt about it. The decision to fix a broken marriage is deeply personal and can be influenced by a multitude of factors. Here are a few things to consider:

Communication:

One of the pillars of a strong relationship is open and honest communication. If both partners are willing to sit down and talk about their feelings, concerns, and what led them to this point, it’s a positive sign that there’s a chance for healing.

It might be necessary for at least one willing partner to use seduction skills to attract the other partner into that space first.

Love and Commitment:

Remember why you fell in love in the first place?

Those feelings might still be buried under the rubble of issues, but they could be worth uncovering. If there’s still love and commitment, it’s definitely worth exploring if the marriage can be saved.

Can Menopause Cause a Sexless Marriage And Not Wanting To Be Touched?

Professional Help and Support:

Seeking the guidance of a marriage counselor or therapist can work wonders.

These experts can provide fresh perspectives, communication tools, and strategies to navigate the choppy waters of a struggling marriage.

Self-Reflection:

Take a moment to look within.

Are you both willing to acknowledge your own shortcomings and work on them? Self-awareness and personal growth can play a huge role in reviving a marriage.

Children and Family:

If there are children involved, their well-being should be a priority.

Sometimes, parents choose to work on their marriage for the sake of their kids, and that can be a strong motivator.

However, it’s also important to recognize when it might be time to let go (it doesn’t have to be a permanent decision):

Toxic Dynamics:

If the relationship has become toxic, filled with emotional or even physical abuse, it’s crucial to prioritize your safety and well-being over trying to fix something that might be beyond repair.

Unresolved Issues:

If past issues keep resurfacing and there’s a lack of genuine effort to address them, it might be a sign that the foundation of the relationship is too shaky.

Loss of Trust:

Trust is like a delicate glass vase – once it’s shattered, it’s hard to piece it back together perfectly. If trust has been broken beyond repair, it might be time to reevaluate.

Personal Growth:

Sometimes, individuals grow in different directions.

If you find yourselves with different goals, values, or aspirations that can’t be reconciled, it might be healthier to part ways.

In the end, the question of whether a broken marriage is worth fixing boils down to the efforts, emotions, and circumstances of the people involved.

It’s not an easy road, but with open hearts, dedication, and perhaps some professional guidance, it’s incredible what two people can achieve together.

Just remember, whether you choose to fight for your marriage or part ways, the most important thing is your happiness and your overall well-being.

You deserve a life filled with love, respect, and joy.

So there you have it. Marriage can be a wild ride, full of twists and turns.

It’s never too late to try, but it’s also okay to walk away when the time is right.

Whatever path you choose, remember that you’re not alone – there’s a whole world of support out there cheering you on.

Stay strong, stay kind, and most importantly, stay true to yourself. Until next time!

How do you know it’s too late to save a marriage?

It might be too late to save a marriage when both partners have lost emotional connection and willingness to work on the relationship.

Is it worth fixing a broken marriage?

Whether a broken marriage is worth fixing depends on the individuals involved and their commitment to making positive changes. With the right support, all it takes is one person for a fair chance.

At what point do you stop trying to save your marriage?

You might consider stopping efforts to save a marriage when there’s consistent toxicity, lack of trust, and minimal effort from both partners to improve the situation.

Can a dying marriage be saved?

While challenging, a dying marriage can potentially be saved if at least once person is willing to engage the necessary education on seduction to get both partners into a space where they are open to seeking professional help, communication, and making necessary changes.

Posted on

“My WIFE WANTS A DIVORCE How Can I CHANGE HER MIND?” – 5 tips

Question: “My wife wants a divorce how can I change her mind?” – 5 tips

I want to share 5 tips with you on getting the best chance to change her mind.

You know, at the end of the day, it’s not a 100% chance.

It’s never gonna be a 100% chance that you would change your mind.

But if you follow these 5 tips I’m about to share with you, you would dramatically increase the chances that she would change her mind.

Before I get into the 5 tips, there’s a quick story I want to share with you.

Just some few weeks ago, I was watching a review of a podcast that Lola and I were on as a guest.

There was a review.

We happen to make the top 5 of the podcast episodes on that podcast,

…and the husband and the wife, who is also a family friend, Bola and Mac were talking about the divorce that my wife asked for some years back.

And the husband was like, “I don’t think they put that out there like”,

…then the wife was like, “No”.

We did and the truth is that yes, we have spoken about our divorce.

We have mentioned it, and we in fact talked elaborately about it in the book, you can get the book for free at GetMyMarriageBack.com.

We talked elaborately about that in our book, on many videos and I’m about to talk about it again right now.

The truth of the matter is that we have spoken about our divorce and we have to talk about the divorce because,

…what a lot of people do with marriage and divorce is that it becomes like a big demon in their lives and their relationship, and then it eats up the relationship.

And when you don’t have a relationship, essentially, you don’t have a marriage because marriage is just the institution, that’s the paper stuff.

But there’s an underlying relationship that happens before you can even have a healthy marriage.

That’s why I wanted to share these,

My wife wants a divorce, how can I change her mind? – 5 tips, with you really quickly.

PREVIOUS POST: “How To APOLOGIZE To Your WIFE” – 7 Tips

Tip #1

You can’t change her mind, but your next moves will influence her final decision.

See, at the end of the day, we’re human beings.

We’re social beings and we are relating with each other on how safe we feel around each other.

And because of that, we do influence our own decisions.

Like the people around you, you know, you’ve heard that saying before,

… the top 5 people around you influence your decisions.

They influence your life, they influence the outcome of your life and so also is your marriage and your relationship.

That’s true for your marriage and your relationships as well.

Even though you can’t particularly change her mind, your next moves,

So I’m about to share 4 more tips on, My wife wants a divorce, how can I change her mind?

Your next moves will influence her final decision.

So let’s go on to,

Tip #2

Don’t put divorce on the pedestal.

Don’t make divorce a big of a deal than it is already.

Don’t make it a big of a deal than it is

It’s just divorce.

It just means somebody decides that they don’t wanna be a part of your life.

But it’s a decision that people can change their mind all the time.

So if you stick to Tip #1 like I said earlier,

Yes, she can change your mind based on the moves you’re gonna make.

Then again, don’t make divorce a big of a deal than it is.

It’s just at least in that moment in time, she hasn’t filed divorce yet.

It is just a decision, it is just “hey, I’m gonna ask for divorce”,it’s just a decision that can be changed.

Let me even tell you how good this is.

Even if she’s already filed for the divorce.

This was something that I learned that made it super easy for me to attract my wife back.

She had actually filed divorce before we got back together and the good news is that,

…the thing is that I had stumbled into stories of people that had filed divorce five years and they’ve been divorced for five years, they got back together.

I know people that have been divorced for a whole decade but they still got back together.

So if I know that all these possibilities are in place, the last thing I wanted to do was to put divorce on a pedestal.

Divorce is not as much of a big deal that people would like to make it seem.

TRENDING: Trying To Save Marriage Wife Said It’s Too Late? ❤️ Try this 3 “UNUSUAL” Tricks

You know, a lot of religious people make divorce a big deal when they go to that part of the Bible where it says “God hates divorce”.

Think about the effect of that phrase on your mind.

It’s like, “Oh, God forbid”

No, don’t do that.

Don’t put divorce on a pedestal.

God hates divorce, okay good but it’s a reality a lot of times.

Don’t make it a big deal.

The big deal here is the relationship you have with your wife.

You need to work on that.

That is faulty, and that’s the underlying reason why she’s asking for divorce.

Asking for divorce is a symptom you want to come back to the underlying reason.

What is the cause?

You’re worried about the effect, but let’s talk about the cause.

The cause is where you should be focused on.

In that same talking, I’m gonna give you

Tip #3

Don’t put marriage on a pedestal.

Marriage is cute and it’s beautiful when it’s nice but if you have a terrible relationship as the underlying structure of your marriage,

What’s the point?

So don’t put marriage on a pedestal.

I’d rather you focus on the relationship you have with your wife, than focusing on “God forbid, I don’t want the marriage to end”.

If you don’t want the marriage to end, that energy that you’re carrying around is gonna push your wife even further away.

Tip #4

Focus 100% on building yourself.

So not even the relationship, building yourself till you attract the love you desire.

And let me just add this, that you deserve.

If you focus on yourself, you will attract the appropriate type of love and it’s kind of easier if she’s already your wife.

She’s not gonna wanna let you go if you work on yourself and that’s a thought to show in your behaviors.

She’s not gonna wanna let you go.

So what you need to focus on 100% is building yourself.

There’s something about you that’s making you do the opposite of attracting your wife.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

Focus on that.

Work on that.

Don’t worry about changing her mind.

Worry about building yourself.

Tip #5

Be okay with the possibility of never attracting her again.

You see, there are forces beyond what you can see.

Especially when you’re dealing with relationships.

It’s a very spiritual thing.

So a lot of time you may think you want your wife back.

Maybe that’s not the case.

Maybe it’s just a matter of obsession that’s basically born out of the rejection.

Rejection breeds obsession.

So you may just not be able to see that clearly right now.

That’s why 100% of your focus needs to go into building yourself.

Because if she doesn’t belong in being your wife,

In that position of being your wife, she doesn’t need to be there.

But you may not be able to see that yet, because again you’re feeling obsessed.

You’re obsessed because of the rejection.

So again those are the 5 tips for, My wife wants a divorce, how can I change her mind?

if this is the right person for you, you will attract her back into a better and healthier relationship,

…which is also a better and healthier marriage if you just focus on yourself.

Posted on

“How To APOLOGIZE To Your WIFE” – 7 Tips

Question: “How To APOLOGIZE To Your WIFE” – 7 Tips

You’ve offended your wife.

Things have happened.

Her feelings are hurt and you wanna apologize to your wife?

It could be anything from as simple as you hurt her feelings, you’re dismissive, you argue too much to infidelity.

Like something terribly bad.

Some kind of betrayal, betrayal of trust.

You know, whatever it is that’s going on.

There is some kind of crisis going on in your marriage and you feel the need to apologize to your wife right now.

Before I get into the 7 tips, there’s a quick story I want to show with you.

There’s a guy, a popular musician in Nigeria called Nice.

Basically he came out on the scene, some few weeks ago and he recorded a video, some two minutes video apologizing to his wife.

Then asking all 300,000 of his followers to help him apologize to his wife and then asked people to tag his wife.

He actually put the Instagram handle and asked people to tag his wife and help him apologize because he did something terrible.

And then we came to find out that what he did was that he cheated on his wife.

It’s actually a viral video that was floating all over the place of him serenading, grabbing the breast of another girl, a side chick if you will.

I guess that video came out and the wife is now shut down and I think, left the house and things like that.

Now, as soon as I saw that video, I knew that that was a wrong move.

PREVIOUS POST: “Am I VERBALLY ABUSIVE To My Wife” – 5 Tips

And why is that the wrong move?

I’m gonna share 7 tips with you and in these 7 tips, you would know that that’s in fact the wrong move.

It’s actually a work against him, his relationship and marriage more than do any kind of favor.

Now a lot of people, especially even ladies, saw that and they thought that was romantic.

You hear people saying “it’s very rare to see a man that will actually admit they’re wrong and actually apologize”

While there may be some truth to that, that move of shooting the video, adding background music and apologizing to your wife publicly is the wrong move.

Why?

Tip #1

Never tender apologies after a betrayal (especially publicly), without taking the time to do the work.

So think about it,

if you are tendering an apology, your wife just found out that you offended her.

There is the need to fix things immediately, but that immediate need to fix things is emotional.

It’s purely emotional and you haven’t done any work.

It’s reactional.

You’re just reacting to the idea that you may have hurt your wife or that you hurt your wife.

Anytime you react in that way without putting proper thoughts behind it, a.k.a. the work behind the scenes,

It’s gonna work against you.

Your apology, in fact, is probably not authentic because again, you haven’t really processed what just happened.

You haven’t processed how you may have been wrong.

Your wife told you you’re wrong, maybe you’re not exactly wrong.

Maybe it’s not about right and wrong.

Maybe you’re wrong.

Whichever one it is, you haven’t taken the time to work on yourself.

So any kind of apology you tender is in fact fake and is more of a response than it is an authentic apology.

Tip #2

The best apology is always 100% changed behavior.

TRENDING: “How Do I APOLOGIZE for HURTING My Wife?”📍 John Gray

Again, changed behavior does not happen overnight.

It’s not gonna happen because your wife caught you.

So that’s when you see people say, “Are you apologizing before, because you’re caught? or because you’re actually truly remorseful?”.

It is almost impossible to be remorseful when you get caught like that, because again, you haven’t processed it.

Tip #3

Most people who tender apology are doing so as a form of quick fix, and your victim (especially ladies), can smell a bad apology from thousands of miles away.

I think we’re just going in circles now.

It’s the same thing.

It’s a quick fix.

Apology that represents more of a quick fix will hurt your relationship, it will make the other person feel manipulated more than it to actually help anything.

Tip #4

You can have good intentions and still tender a bad apology.

Yes, your intentions are good.

You really want to just fix things.

You just want her to feel better, but she’s not gonna feel better..

Again, because you haven’t allowed her time to process what just happened,

…you haven’t processed what just happened.

All that happened is that you got caught.

Take the time off.

Relax.

So I understand that you feel bad, but feeling bad is not a changed behavior.

Like I said in tip #2, it’s not a changed behavior.

Good intention is not the same thing as good apology.

Good intention is not the same thing as changed behavior.

A changed behavior, when we’re talking about behavior, we’re not talking about habits and to change habits will take work.

In fact, an average habit takes 90 days of intense work on yourself before you can actually change a habit and behavior.

Tip #5

If you truly will change your behavior sustainably, If you want a lasting change of behavior, the change will be a function of time and patience.

It takes time and patience.

You can’t possibly be apologizing and think that your apology is authentic because you got caught.

You got caught, you feel bad is different from you feeling authentically remorseful.

You haven’t processed it.

In fact, you may have some resentments in yourself, but because your wife has rejected you right now, you just wanna be very quick to apologize.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that.

Tip #6

Public apologies only create more embarrassment for the victims.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

Especially when we’re talking about a celebrity.

But honestly, across board public apologies are just terrible.

They embarrass the victim a lot more than it actually makes them feel better because again they feel some type of embarrassment.

They are a little bit ashamed of what just happened but now you’re making it public,

…you’re not helping things.

That’s another reason why it must be a function of time and patience.

Because if you took the time, you would have thought that all the way through that “Hey, I know I have offended her but the worst thing that can do right now is to embarrass her even further”.

So you don’t want to do that.

Tip #7

Tender apology only after taking some time to process whatever happened,

Take the time.

It must be a function of time and patience.

But there’s an exception.

If your victim expresses an explicit request for an apology, if they’re saying “you owe me an apology”.

If you feel like you’ve offended them, then basically they’ve processed it enough to say, “Hey, you owe me an apology”.

You can say “I apologize”, keep it simple.

You don’t need to do that over and over again.

Again, the best thing you can do is take the time and patience and do the work that you need to do on changing the behavior and the habits.

If you’re not ready to do that, your apology is only gonna create more toxicity in your relationship or in your marriage.

It’s only gonna make things worse.

And you’re gonna build more resentments for every time you offend that same person in the same way, over and over again.

The resentment is just gonna get worse and worse.

So that’s how to apologize to your wife.

Time and patience.

Take the time and patience to work on yourself and work on changed behavior.

Posted on

“Am I VERBALLY ABUSIVE To My Wife” – 5 Tips

So there are 5 tips I want to share with you to determine the answer to that question,

But before I get into that, there is a quick story that I wanna tell you.

I came across a video on YouTube by a gentleman called Kevin Samuels and apparently,

…he basically advised young ladies, single ladies, and people in general about relationships…and that’s cool.

I think we still need more people helping people like that.

We see more of negative videos with regards to relationships that people find more entertaining

Which actually ends up hurting their relationships.

I’m talking about reality TV shows and things like that.

So any time I see somebody helping people with learning how relationships work, I like it ultimately.

But I encountered the viral video from him where he was seemingly bashing this lady heavily.

He was very rude.

A lot of time people engage in the blunt language,

… talmbout’, they speak blunt.

As a matter of fact, I was on the new social media platform in the past few days, called Clubhouse,

…and I heard quite a few people who were thinking that the way to a healthy relationship is communication.

I’m not disputing that it’s communication, but what most people consider communication is just talking and being blunt,

or “setting the expectation” or “setting the intentions” and boundaries.

These are things that kill attraction if you have overdose of expressing them… extreme ideologies has a way of killing attraction.

So with that being said, Are You verbally abusive to your wife?

PREVIOUS POST: “Can PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE Husbands CHANGE?” – 7 tips

There’s a good chance that you are feeling like you’ve been communicating,

…and in fact,

You’ve been killing the vibe and the relationship with your wife by being the “communicator”; basically the talkative of the relationship.

Believe me when I tell you this, I am the one that’s considered the communicator or the talkative in our relationship and marriage.

I don’t think so, but at least my wife considers to be true.

What I find is that it really doesn’t matter if I feel like I’m not the talkative.

What matters is…

Tip #1- It’s her opinion.

If she feels like you’re verbally abusive, that’s as valid as it gets.

The feelings have to be validated by paying attention to it and see how you can adjust things in a positive direction,

Because the feelings are powerful enough to determine the direction of your relationship with your wife.

So Tip#1 – It’s her opinion.

You have to listen to it, pay attention to it and see what she’s trying to say even if you disagree with it.

See what kind of action you have been taking that makes her feel like you’re talking too much or verbally abusive.

If you do that, it doesn’t mean you are agreeing that you are verbally abusive.

It just means you’re paying attention to whatever she is interpreting as “verbal abuse” and then you can fix that.

You can adjust or pivot accordingly because at the end of the day you care about the relationship.

That’s why you are asking if you are verbally abusive to you wife.

Tip #2 – You need a full tank of patience.

Towards the end of that Kevin Samuels’ viral video, he actually lost his cool and hung up on the lady.

And I know this is not his wife.

But in my opinion, if you are going to win in your relationship with your wife, you have to treat ladies in general with a certain level of respect and patience.

Much more importantly, the patience.

You can’t lose your cool, if you lose your cool,

…you can at least say

“If you don’t mind, let me take care of some business and we’ll come back to this conversation later“

You have to be polite with the way you dismiss the situation if you have to dismiss the situation.

Sometimes it’s true that you have to dismiss the conversation because you feel like it’s just not getting anywhere.

But you wanna be polite about it.

Particularly, you don’t want them to feel like you dismiss them.

This is something I’m personally still working on.

Sometimes, I just don’t want the toxic argument and I come off as dismissive.

It’s an art, it’s not an exact science.

Somethings… you have to learn with respect to the particular person you’re dealing with and their personality.

Tip #2 – You wanna make sure you engage these conversations with a full tank of patience; Infinite patience.

You can’t lose your cool.

TRENDING: How to Deal with an Unsupportive Husband ❤️

Tip #3 – Engage active listening.

If your lady accuses you of being verbally abusive, the first quick step to really nibbling that in the bud is to stop talking.

Stop talking so much even if your intentions is to correct.

There’s a lot of people that just have good intentions in wanting to correct something, and it comes off as verbal abuse and controlling behavior.

Remember tip #1, if it comes off as abusive, controlling and manipulative, then it is what it is…

Because it’s a relationship…

And just 50% is all you need to make that a full blown opinion that would control the dynamics and the direction of your relationship.

So instead of talking so much, don’t just shut up because that would be dismissive,

Engage active listening.

And I would say, repeat what she’s saying back to her and ask her to tell you more.

Tip #4 – Abuse is very likely unintentional.

There’s a lot of abuse going on in relationships and marriages.

And many times, they’re just unintentional…

Nobody (most people don’t) come(s) into a marriage with the intention of being abusive.

But sometimes when we lose our cool or the way we conduct ourselves in the middle of a crisis,

…we’ll come off as abusive to the other person

But keep in mind, there’s a crisis going on.

What you will find in a lot of relationships and marriages is that people are basically in the middle of normal engagement with a partner when they tend to end up with a crisis,

When everybody has lost their cool and there’s an active argument, fighting and bickering going on, then clearly nothing is intentional.

Everything is reactive and that’s not what you wanna do.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

Tip #5 – Reverse engineer corrections into her idea.

Like I said earlier, a lot of times the intention is to correct something that you feel maybe wrong.

But your intentions are overrated. In fact, your action is being received as verbally abusive.

And if it’s been received by 50% of the relationship as verbally abusive, unfortunately, I have to tell you that it is probably verbal abuse.

At least for now, it’s the feeling that counts. If your partner feels like it is verbally abusive, it is verbally abusive.

So instead of trying to correct and engaging in blunt languages to correct your partner as it comes, find ways to reverse engineer your corrections into her idea.

So how do you do that?

You need to learn how to ask quality questions.

There are questions that you will ask and you think they’re quality but they’re actually coming off as manipulative and condescending.

You want to avoid those types of questions and really master the skills of asking quality questions.

So things like…

“So are you saying that I come off a little bit abusive?”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“I didn’t mean to be abusive”.

“Can you tell me what that looks like when I’m abusive because there’s a good chance I’m not aware that I’m being abusive?”

See, if you talk in that calm manner repeatedly…not just one time…

She will start feeling safer around you.

And then she will also give you a lot more passes even when you’re upset because you’re still a human being.

But right now, the work is gonna be on your part in order to reverse all that “verbally abusive” negative energy.

You want to reverse that, put in some work and be consistent until she starts feeling safer with you again,

…but I’m telling you right now, there’s a good chance that you were just being blunt.

That’s why Blunt is a terrible way of communicating in a relationship.

Listening is the best route to effective communication.

Less talking can sometime be the best way to communicate, especially if you’re a man trying to communicate with your wife.

What Would Help You Most Right Now?

Choose the option that best matches where you are with your marriage.

I Need Personalized Help

My Marriage Is in Serious Trouble

If you're dealing with separation, divorce, loss of attraction, infidelity, intimacy problems, or a spouse who's pulling away, get help looking at what's happening in your specific situation.

Get Personalized Help →
Get My Marriage Back book cover
I'd Rather Learn What to Do First

Start With Get My Marriage Back

Get the book and start learning the principles for moving your marriage in a better direction.

Get the Free Book →