Question: “How To APOLOGIZE To Your WIFE” – 7 Tips
You’ve offended your wife.
Things have happened.
Her feelings are hurt and you wanna apologize to your wife?
It could be anything from as simple as you hurt her feelings, you’re dismissive, you argue too much to infidelity.
Like something terribly bad.
Some kind of betrayal, betrayal of trust.
You know, whatever it is that’s going on.
There is some kind of crisis going on in your marriage and you feel the need to apologize to your wife right now.
Before I get into the 7 tips, there’s a quick story I want to show with you.
There’s a guy, a popular musician in Nigeria called Nice.
Basically he came out on the scene, some few weeks ago and he recorded a video, some two minutes video apologizing to his wife.
Then asking all 300,000 of his followers to help him apologize to his wife and then asked people to tag his wife.
He actually put the Instagram handle and asked people to tag his wife and help him apologize because he did something terrible.
And then we came to find out that what he did was that he cheated on his wife.
It’s actually a viral video that was floating all over the place of him serenading, grabbing the breast of another girl, a side chick if you will.
I guess that video came out and the wife is now shut down and I think, left the house and things like that.
Now, as soon as I saw that video, I knew that that was a wrong move.
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And why is that the wrong move?
I’m gonna share 7 tips with you and in these 7 tips, you would know that that’s in fact the wrong move.
It’s actually a work against him, his relationship and marriage more than do any kind of favor.
Now a lot of people, especially even ladies, saw that and they thought that was romantic.
You hear people saying “it’s very rare to see a man that will actually admit they’re wrong and actually apologize”
While there may be some truth to that, that move of shooting the video, adding background music and apologizing to your wife publicly is the wrong move.
Never tender apologies after a betrayal (especially publicly), without taking the time to do the work.
So think about it,
if you are tendering an apology, your wife just found out that you offended her.
There is the need to fix things immediately, but that immediate need to fix things is emotional.
It’s purely emotional and you haven’t done any work.
You’re just reacting to the idea that you may have hurt your wife or that you hurt your wife.
Anytime you react in that way without putting proper thoughts behind it, a.k.a. the work behind the scenes,
It’s gonna work against you.
Your apology, in fact, is probably not authentic because again, you haven’t really processed what just happened.
You haven’t processed how you may have been wrong.
Your wife told you you’re wrong, maybe you’re not exactly wrong.
Maybe it’s not about right and wrong.
Maybe you’re wrong.
Whichever one it is, you haven’t taken the time to work on yourself.
So any kind of apology you tender is in fact fake and is more of a response than it is an authentic apology.
The best apology is always 100% changed behavior.
Again, changed behavior does not happen overnight.
It’s not gonna happen because your wife caught you.
So that’s when you see people say, “Are you apologizing before, because you’re caught? or because you’re actually truly remorseful?”.
It is almost impossible to be remorseful when you get caught like that, because again, you haven’t processed it.
Most people who tender apology are doing so as a form of quick fix, and your victim (especially ladies), can smell a bad apology from thousands of miles away.
I think we’re just going in circles now.
It’s the same thing.
It’s a quick fix.
Apology that represents more of a quick fix will hurt your relationship, it will make the other person feel manipulated more than it to actually help anything.
You can have good intentions and still tender a bad apology.
Yes, your intentions are good.
You really want to just fix things.
You just want her to feel better, but she’s not gonna feel better..
Again, because you haven’t allowed her time to process what just happened,
…you haven’t processed what just happened.
All that happened is that you got caught.
Take the time off.
So I understand that you feel bad, but feeling bad is not a changed behavior.
Like I said in tip #2, it’s not a changed behavior.
Good intention is not the same thing as good apology.
Good intention is not the same thing as changed behavior.
A changed behavior, when we’re talking about behavior, we’re not talking about habits and to change habits will take work.
In fact, an average habit takes 90 days of intense work on yourself before you can actually change a habit and behavior.
If you truly will change your behavior sustainably, If you want a lasting change of behavior, the change will be a function of time and patience.
It takes time and patience.
You can’t possibly be apologizing and think that your apology is authentic because you got caught.
You got caught, you feel bad is different from you feeling authentically remorseful.
You haven’t processed it.
In fact, you may have some resentments in yourself, but because your wife has rejected you right now, you just wanna be very quick to apologize.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that.
Public apologies only create more embarrassment for the victims.
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Especially when we’re talking about a celebrity.
But honestly, across board public apologies are just terrible.
They embarrass the victim a lot more than it actually makes them feel better because again they feel some type of embarrassment.
They are a little bit ashamed of what just happened but now you’re making it public,
…you’re not helping things.
That’s another reason why it must be a function of time and patience.
Because if you took the time, you would have thought that all the way through that “Hey, I know I have offended her but the worst thing that can do right now is to embarrass her even further”.
So you don’t want to do that.
Tender apology only after taking some time to process whatever happened,
Take the time.
It must be a function of time and patience.
But there’s an exception.
If your victim expresses an explicit request for an apology, if they’re saying “you owe me an apology”.
If you feel like you’ve offended them, then basically they’ve processed it enough to say, “Hey, you owe me an apology”.
You can say “I apologize”, keep it simple.
You don’t need to do that over and over again.
Again, the best thing you can do is take the time and patience and do the work that you need to do on changing the behavior and the habits.
If you’re not ready to do that, your apology is only gonna create more toxicity in your relationship or in your marriage.
It’s only gonna make things worse.
And you’re gonna build more resentments for every time you offend that same person in the same way, over and over again.
The resentment is just gonna get worse and worse.
So that’s how to apologize to your wife.
Time and patience.
Take the time and patience to work on yourself and work on changed behavior.