In this lesson, we are sharing 5 tips to save a marriage especially when one person is lukewarm or checked out.
Here is what Steve wrote to us.
“I’m an alcoholic and have said mean things to my wife while drunk.
I also disconnected emotionally and sexually for most of our two year marriage.
My wife has borderline personality disorder and tried very hard to save our marriage.
She then got very depressed and attempted suicide.
I found her and with cpr; after 13 days in the hospital she recovered and then left.
It’s been 3 months.
I went to rehab and quit drinking. I have been working on me and us.
She has finally come around some. She is warm and cold. Can this marriage be saved?”
So what do we have here?
This is an interesting story and as usual, we’ve extracted 5 tips that any married couple can use to rekindle attraction in their marriage.
These tips are mostly valid if you decide that saving the marriage is the best move for you as an individual.
As usual, it is easier said than done because it is highly rewarding when done right.
Today, there are many versions of the law of attraction but with respect to marriage, it is this simple; you attract the marriage that you are involved in.
Tip #5 – Self Awareness
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Most people would like to know the potential risk ahead in any endeavor.
That’s why the easiest advice for anyone to give when it comes to marriage is to prepare by talking about everything before getting married.
But it’s useless advice for the most part because self awareness is false in the midst of falling in love with another flawed human being.
So I want you to replace that with self-awareness only with respect to what you can control in the present.
That’s what was demonstrated when Steve said “I’m an alcoholic and have said mean things to my wife while drunk.”
It’s a step in the right direction to attracting a healthy and blissful marriage (again).
This must be very easy… right?
Tip #4 – Self Accountability
Honestly, it is one of the hardest things for humans to do; stand in the mirror, learn and gain intelligence from that standpoint.
Steve also said “I also disconnected emotionally and sexually for most of our two year marriage.”
What most people do is point fingers and at best, play an all inclusive blame game when you hear things like “we were both wrong.”
When you do that, the emphasis goes on the word “wrong” from an attack standpoint and that exposes your partner to a need to become defensive.
“Wrong” as a thing then expands because in the law of attraction, what you focus on expands; positive or negative.
So does that mean one person can save the marriage?
Tip #3 – Let Go & Let God
Eventually, it takes two but it doesn’t have to start with two. In fact, it never starts with both parties; one person is usually shut off already.
But here is a tricky one.
One of the biggest delusional behaviors we take-on when we get married is to directly or indirectly try to control our spouse.
It’s actually worse when you are doing it indirectly because you are not aware; in fact, you’d argue that your behavior is not controlling but it is… precisely from an insecure place.
We’ve all done it.
From Steve’s story, it was important that he let her go when a crisis hit his marriage.
Natural instincts and common sense say you should fight which most people interpret as endless begging, manipulation, ambush, family meetings etc.
With respect to the law of attraction, the human mind runs farther away from perceived pain when you chase as opposed to pursue.
If you find yourself in this situation, you have a significantly higher chance of attracting your spouse back when you let go and learn how to pursue.
Here is the difference between chasing and pursuing.
Pursuit in the context of romance puts more energy towards preparing and waiting for the right opportunity from a place of abundance to woo a partner.
So you just wait? For how long?
Tip #2 – Self Improvement
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You are not just waiting.
I know self-improvement may sound like a cliche but it’s not as simple as it sounds. Remember earlier when we talked about self-accountability as a difficult thing to do.
Instead of waiting just to attract your marriage, I want you to “not wait” but take advantage of this opportunity of being alone (which may never come again because you are about to become high value) to increase your market place value.
Yes. There is a market place and your estranged partner is aware directly or indirectly of (at least) perceived higher value on the other side.
The grass always seems greener on the other side right? But that’s because someone is watering it or the grass is fake… synthetic.
When Steve said… “I went to rehab and quit drinking. I have been working on me and us.”
Working on “me” is key to leveraging the law of attraction to rekindle his marriage.
And the “us” part can set him up for failure because it automatically embeds expectations of another human in the process.
It creates a sense of entitlement but not necessarily intentionally.
The key is to focus on self improvement because it will build self worth, esteem, and confidence and your dating marketplace value.
That may just be what your partner needs to see before coming back around to earn you back.
But for how long again… right?
Tip #1 – Infinite Patience
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How long should you be engaged in self improvement and development? Shouldn’t that be forever? This process requires infinite patience.
I know you are probably in a position to be obsessed about wanting your spouse back but that’s precisely why they are probably running.
Be aware that rejection breeds obsession but also vice versa.
Being obsessed over a human being transmits the vibe that you are readily available which means it’s okay to take you for granted.
In fact, you really shouldn’t be waiting if you want the highest chance of attracting your spouse back; you should be in the mindset-space that…
If your spouse comes around, they have to earn you back.
You need to see that much value in yourself before others, especially someone who checked out, can see that value.
Steve said, “She has finally come around some. She is warm and cold. Can this marriage be saved?”
It can be saved but it’s best when it is the idea of the person that checked out because it means they can see the value.