“Remorse vs Repentance”📍 John Gray

Question: “Remorse vs Repentance”

These are John Gray’s words,

…like we said earlier he is a very very wise guy, he has a lot of things he can teach people but clearly not at this part.

“Remorse or Repentance. I have learned that remorse simply means: I’m sad because you found out. Repentance is: I’m sorrowful and I will change.”– John Gray

Alright like we said, he is a wise guy…

He is wise with the words.

I agree with what he said but what I would remove from that is when he said “I’m sorrowful and I will change”.

I agree with that except the part where you have to say it.

Like he is saying, let me come and apologize.

Let me come and say to you that I’m sorrowful and I would change.

Why should I believe you?

This is not the first or the second.

They are not gonna believe you.

The person you are apologizing to will not believe you simply because if it was that simple, you will fix it.

And he also said that remorse is, “I’m sad because you found out”,

…like I’m not really sad it’s just that I’m sorry I got caught.

But Remorse is it that?

I didn’t really feel that way until he said it, I don’t necessarily agree with that.

I think that’s just him being overly wise with his words.

See, I’m gonna have to go to google for that cause to me I feel like remorse is genuine,

but now I’m finding that hard that remorse is not that necessarily genuine.

From what I understood, remorse and repentance go hand in hand.

Google says, Remorse is a deep regret or guilt for a wrong committed.

So what do you mean I’m sad, no it’s not remorse, maybe there is a different word for what he said which is “I’m sad that you found out”.

That’s an apology, how about that?

That’s why you give a premature apology and you are asking for forgiveness.

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When you apologize over and over again because you are only sad,

…because you got found out and you are trying to quick-fix it.

Can you imagine how disgusted the wife is?

That’s what happens when you over apologize.

She is disgusted, she would be like “get out of my face, you don’t mean what you are saying, you just want me to say I forgive you right now. And I don’t want you in my face”

Kenny says “Remorse is showing that you genuinely regretted it happened”.

That’s what I thought, that can lead to repentance.

So it’s not a bad thing to be remorseful,

What’s bad is this whole apology thing.

This apology one day after he got found out is a sign that you are just sad because people found out.

That’s more like it.

What happens when things happen to you?

You just go quiet in a corner and deal with your demons, but with social media these days,

…everybody is easy to talk to , easy to type this and that and that’s what is making it worse.

That’s why we made this video right here because a lot of people misconstrue remorse, repentance and apology.

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Changed behavior is what we need ultimately.

I think that’s what women really need, not the apology.

Look, you already embarrassed me and now the whole world knows that I am married to a guy that is disrespectful,

…because he is doing this the second time or I don’t know how many times he did it,

but you know, you’ve embarrassed me and now you are out here talking about how you would change and apologize.

I just wanna see you change already!

I wanna see it in action.

That’s what his wife is probably thinking.

I’m a woman too and I know what that feels like.

I’m just saying that you know like “oh because you got caught”, who knows how many you’ve done you know.

This one came out but we don’t know, it’s a tough one.

Kenny says “step aside for a while and think about what you have done and how you could have done better and what you will need to do to fix it”

That’s what I’m talking about.

Step aside.

I don’t care how the world is coming at you, don’t even pay attention to do that.

Why is it difficult for people to step aside?

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Because they are on freakin’ social media, blogs, reading comments…

And because it’s the obsession with fixing things.

It’s the obsession with fixing things.

That’s what’s more important to them than the right behavior in the first place.

And the only way to get into changed behavior is time.

You don’t have to prove that now.

Time heals.

I really believe in time, so just give it time.

This woman can’t be mad forever, I mean if you are truly changing you’ll be surprised she falls in love back with you all over again like that thing never happened.

When people even ask “oh so you are taking him back even though he disrespected you?”,

… she would tell them to mind their own business.

That’s why you have to learn how to give it time.

All this much talk and no actions, it doesn’t make any sense.

“What Do You Do When Someone REJECTS Your APOLOGY?”📍 John Gray

Question: “What do you do when someone rejects your apology?”

Say for example you have a spouse that is just hard headed, you have to give them time.

That’s just what it is.

When you say “I’m sorry” and they are like “No, get out of my face. I don’t wanna see you right now”,

… You have to respectfully remove yourself out of their face.

What do you want, do you want to be punched in the face?

You can’t force down an apology.

Clearly you did something that made this person very mad so you gotta give them time.

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Also, you don’t get to measure how big the thing is like “But at least I didn’t cheat”.

No you can’t say that.

It doesn’t matter how little the thing is because it’s really up to how that person feels.

That person may feel like this is a big deal that you left your shoes in the corner of the house,

…that could be annoying to them.

So, What do you do when someone rejects your apology?

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If someone rejects your apology it clearly means you are not listening.

Your apology was rejected because that person may be asking for something else.

They probably just want a little bit of time.

Sometimes it’s the behavior that will show that they have not accepted the apology or that they haven’t forgiven you.

That means time.

For how long, I don’t know.

That will depend on the person and where they are coming from.

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“How Do I Ask My Husband For FORGIVENESS?”📍 John Gray

Question: “How Do I Ask My Husband For FORGIVENESS?”

The same thing goes for this question though it’s a little bit different…

because clearly the person asking this question is admitting that they were wrong.

That’s why they are thinking of forgiveness.

It’s different from an apology.

Apology is like “I guess that’s what I need to do”.

Forgiveness is like “You know I F**ked up. How do I ask for forgiveness?”.

So, how can somebody ask for forgiveness from their husband?

… or is it easy for you to ask for forgiveness?

Well, for our natural self, it is hard to ask for forgiveness but asking for forgiveness will give us peace of mind.

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First of all, you have to admit that you are wrong.

So maybe the real question is, “Is it easy for you to admit you are wrong?”…

Even that question is bastardized because if you are wrong, you know you are wrong.

If you are asking for forgiveness, you are already saying “I’m wrong.”

So asking for forgiveness when you already know you are wrong should be easy… but clearly it’s not easy because…

It depends on what you did and with the person you are with.

Some people are not forgiving.

You could ask for forgiveness and they would say “Okay I heard you…” but then they are not ready to forgive you just yet.

They are hurt and they can drag you for years for that.

So, how do you ask forgiveness to your husband?

The same thing with apology goes with asking for forgiveness.

Changed Behavior.

It’s changed behavior and let the person relax and let them process what just happened.

Don’t shove it down to their face.

You have to have a lot of patience if you are asking for forgiveness.

Lots of patience and generosity with time because the more time there is, the more they will be open to receiving what you have to say.

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And the good thing with that is, now you have time to back it over with your behavior.

Right?

Especially if your behavior has actually reflected that.

Though we don’t support you asking for forgiveness over and over again.

You have to do it one time.

Maybe once or twice and it’s done.

The rest has to be your changed behavior.

That’s what really matters.

But some people are just asking for forgiveness like “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” every small thing they’d say I’m sorry.

No…

You are making things worse and you are being annoying.

You need to know when you are being annoying.

So you have to give them time to process things.

Some people may have a hard time to forgive because it’s very hard for an average human being to forgive.

Once you hurt a person, it’s a trust issue.

It will be hard for him to open up again because you’ve built a wall in the future.

So for them to open up again you need time.

If you had a good time with this person in the past or anything like that, they will remember.

They will start reflecting if you stay out of their face.

But if you keep pushing to fix everything now… that will work against you.

Asking over and over again… let’s put into logic a little bit, if you do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result, that’s called insanity.

The same thing, like don’t think your apology is all suddenly going to fix things.

Forgiveness will require a lot of follow ups… even cheating, because even the follow ups are not apologizing.

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It’s really following up with your changed behavior.

Using your words is manipulative because you are trying to use the word to fix that person or to get them to forgive you right now.

And if it was that easy we can just pull forgiveness out of everyone.

So it takes time because we are spiritual.

There is a soul that has been tampered with and those kinds of things have to be healed.

It had to be repaired.

What to Say to a WIFE WHO WANTS A DIVORCE ❤️ Get My Marriage Back 4

QUESTION – “What can I say to my wife to stop a divorce?”

In addition to what to say to her to stop the divorce, you also need to learn how to say what to say.

Believe it or not, there is not much to say other than “I UNDERSTAND”. You can’t afford to start begging or apologizing once a woman get to this stage.

It doesn’t have to be her idea to stop the divorce but it needs to feel like it’s her idea to her. If she feels smothered into stopping the divorce, that will become a confirmation that continuing the divorce is the right decision.

When a woman asks for divorce, she has lost respect for you and no longer values the marriage. Any manipulative move will further decline the value of the marriage from her perspective.

Watch the video for more insights on how to talk and relate with a wife who has asked for divorce.

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