Codependency In Marriage? 5 Actionable Steps💔

In this lesson, you will discover 5 actionable steps to seducing your husband towards saving your marriage and finally building real love.

Cynthia was struggling with codependency within the context of being in a marriage to a depressed man.

Her husband claims to love her, in love with her, love being around her but the marriage just doesn’t feel the same to him any longer.

She became confused and didn’t know where to start with trying to rekindle things.  In fact, she had started to resent him because he refused counseling for 18 months.

As usual, we offered Cynthia these 5 actionable steps to help her create new experiences and attract her husband to desire life and love again.

Feel free to copy and paste this into your marriage if you are going through similar issues.

1st Step To Save Your Marriage – Believe Him

PREVIOUS POST: 5 Rules to Follow When Separation Starts to Work For Your Marriage💔

While you may feel like your husband is being disingenuous with the excuses for not feeling the same way about your marriage, you need to believe him.

Keep in mind that believing him doesn’t translate to believing that he is telling the truth.

You are simply believing that he has chosen the best way he dimmed fit to express his experience.

The actual truth will always be a function of time and your ability to take the next 4 steps in saving your marriage.

Also by believing him, you will transfer some of that anxiety you are carrying over to him as he wonders why you are not feeling a need to push back.

This is how believing him could play out.  Just say this after expressing himself.

“Okay.  What else is on your mind?”  The idea is to create a surprise element as to why you are not overreacting.  

By doing so, you would have helped create a new experience in your marriage.  You will also be able to feed your codependency in a healthy way by practicing giving.

2nd Step – Don’t Diagnose Him

These days, most women would pick up psychological books and start labeling their spouse different psychology and mental health-related terminologies.

I am talking about terms and self-diagnosis such as:

  • Narcissist
  • Controlling
  • Depression
  • Cognitive Disorder
  • Anxiety
  • Socially Awkward
  • And ETC.

This is a great mistake because it will get the husband to naturally raise his guards.

When you label your husband as such (even if you are right), you would be effectively focusing on all the negative things and you will push him further away.

Anything you focus on will expand in your marriage; positive or negative.  So it is in your best interest to avoid self-diagnosis of any type; not even self-diagnosing yourself.

If some type of psychological disorder diagnosis is necessary, the 5th step in this lesson will be the proper way to achieve that.

So it is important to not tear down with random diagnosis, especially when you know that you may want to depend on this person later.

3rd Step – Give Him Space

TRENDING: 5 Rules to Follow When Separation Starts to Work For Your Marriage💔

If you have codependency traits, this is going to be very hard for you but that is actually a good thing. Let me explain.

Anything or anyone that’s readily available gets taken for granted.  I will guess that the last space you want to be in your marriage is to be easily taken for granted.

This is a balancing act.  While it is nice to be able to spend as much time as possible with a person you love, keep in mind that this is “another person.”

So when you are in a marriage with a person that keeps going back and forth with divorce threats, they obviously are taking you for granted.

At this point, the reason is irrelevant because if your husband values you at this moment, he wouldn’t be interested in potentially losing you.

So the best way to reverse that is to give him the space he is suggesting to the best of your ability.  

That doesn’t necessarily have to be filing the divorce.  

I am talking about space as small as just a moment for them to process how they are feeling.  It can also be as big as a few nights in a nice hotel room.

It’s also good to help you balance out your codependency traits.  We all depend on each other but you do not want to be operating in codependency at a toxic level.

How do you know if it’s toxic?

It becomes toxic when a partner you depend on starts to take you for granted; some space for yourself (more importantly) is necessary at that point.

4th Step – Activate Self Love

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

At this stage, it will be extremely helpful for you to activate self-love at its highest level possible because you just can’t attract what you cannot give to yourself.

Excessive emotional and psychological dependency on another human, especially if it’s a spouse, is a direct result of suffering.

If you were already giving yourself love, you would probably crave less for it.

In real life, it means learning your personal love language and loving yourself in that language; your environment will have no choice but to mimic after you.

This is easier said than done especially if you are codependent but this is the work and in this space lies the greatest rewards from your marriage.

5th Step To Save Your Marriage – Invite To Counseling


Please do not attempt this step if you have not personally engaged in counseling, therapy, or coaching personally in addition to steps 1- 4.

It is almost always equivalent to manipulation and gaslighting when your first solution is to drag your husband to therapy and counseling.

Most people go there to point fingers and it usually creates more problems.  

It is key to be prepared as an individual which is how you will learn how to properly invite your husband to therapy and take full advantage of it.

Also, if there is any necessary clinical diagnosis of a psychological disorder, it will be better received since it is coming from a professional who is trained to do so.

Yes, he may seem depressed.  You may be accurate but you will create more problems for yourself if you call him depressed.  This may be the missing wisdom.

Hit the like button and check out the video on the screen for more information on how to prepare yourself to better seduce your husband into life and love together again.

5 Rules to Follow When Separation Starts to Work For Your Marriage💔

In this lesson, we will be sharing five rules to follow if you have been separated for a while but things are starting to seem great between you two again; these rules will help prevent sabotaging the attraction.

So Calvin has been separated from his wife for eight months now, hardly talking, haven’t seen each other or interacted at all.

The loss of their pet brought them back together and they are now in talking terms; they are also hanging out every now and then and enjoying it.

But he is afraid that their toxic behavior will creep back in if they go all-in and start talking about their marriage again.

How do you make sure you don’t mess things up if separation from your marriage is starting to work in favor of the marriage?

Shall we?

Yes.  My name is OLA.

This is actually good news; Calvin has clearly done a great job to get in this space.

The rest of the story now depends on Calvin’s ability to follow these simple, lightweight but crucial rules that will reduce his chances of self-sabotaging.

By the way, there are family laws that guide separation and divorces, so it never hurts to seek legal counsel in the process.

Rule #5 – Enjoy Today & The Little Moments

PREVIOUS POST: 5 “Lethal” Mistakes That Kills ATTRACTION To Your Husband💔

One of the things that you have likely taken for granted in your relationship with your wife  are the little moments of just “being.”

What often happens after separation is that you start to value the little things, gestures and moments… I want you to set a plan in motion to keep it that way forever.

A direct cause of anxiety, torture and suffering in relationships and marriages is the obsession with the past and future.  

It makes you feel that the grass may be greener on the other side.  And then you start to fantasize and compare your partners or relationship to others.

Rule #4 – Focus On The Upsides & The Positives.

Still in the spirit of gratitude, I want you to let go and release yourself from the terrible experience that may have led to the separation from your wife in the first place.

As usual, this is easier said than done but stay tuned for rule #1. 

It will help you prepare properly for the release and re-focusing all that energy on celebrating the good times and experiences you are starting to recreate with your wife again.

For now, I want you to focus on everything about her that you fell in love with on day-1.  Add them to these same good experiences you are having right now.

Rule #3 – Don’t Put Marriage On A Pedestal.

TRENDING: 5 Signs That Separation May Be Good For Your Marriage 💔

A terrible mistake that a lot of married couples make is to abandon the underlying relationship while stressing each other out about the “marriage” title.”

While marriage is a beautiful thing, it will stress your relationship out if you put it on a pedestal above your friendship, unity and freedom.

Marriage has become an ideology and a religion that many people would kill the actual relationship with their spouse for.

Let go of all extreme ideologies and refocus back on rebuilding friendship with your wife one moment at a time.

Rule #2 – Co-Mingling Fear & Love Is Not Sustainable

Naturally, your guards and all kinds of walls are up when you find yourself and marriage in separation; I understand but that’s fear.

Fear is an emotion that is natural to all of us when we go through traumatic experiences in life.

So it makes sense that a part of you doesn’t want to be too forward with talking about serious topics like marriage, what happened, and getting back together officially.

But I want to share a technique with you that works all the time.  

It is based on the simple fact that fear and love cannot coexist in the same space over a long period of time. One of them will prevail.

So it is okay to shoot your shot as soon as you feel safe enough to do so without rushing it but again, what does that mean?

At this stage of rekindling things, focus on dating and courting her fearlessly provided she is really the one that you want on any given day; don’t worry about tomorrow.

Wait for her to desire the idea of making things official again.  She needs to feel safe and secure and she will bring it up and send you clear signals.

Rule #1 – Engage Self-development, Seduction & Attraction Skills.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

Declare rule 2 to 5 useless without rule #1.  She and the relationship will test you over and over and again so you need emotional strength and intelligence.

She will not be testing you deliberately for the most part so you do not get to judge her; it’s the nature of a typical woman within a romantic context.

Are you going to be man enough to pass these tests while attracting respect, trust, submission and passionate sexual experience with the woman you love?

There is a massive opportunity playing out right now. Are you prepared for it?

If you feel we can help you personally, feel free to go to, download the free book, and book a free 30 minutes coaching session with us.

Don’t forget to hit the like button and check out the video on the screen for more information on how to build attraction out in your marriage from all ends.

Can This Marriage Be Saved? (5 Tips From Law of Attraction)💔

In this lesson, we are sharing 5 tips to save a marriage especially when one person is lukewarm or checked out.

Here is what Steve wrote to us.

“I’m an alcoholic and have said mean things to my wife while drunk. 

I also disconnected emotionally and sexually for most of our two year marriage. 

My wife has borderline personality disorder and tried very hard to save our marriage. 

She then got very depressed and attempted suicide.

I found her and with cpr; after 13 days in the hospital she recovered and then left. 

It’s been 3 months.

I went to rehab and quit drinking. I have been working on me and us.

She has finally come around some. She is warm and cold. Can this marriage be saved?”

So what do we have here?

This is an interesting story and as usual, we’ve extracted 5 tips that any married couple can use to rekindle attraction in their marriage.

These tips are mostly valid if you decide that saving the marriage is the best move for you as an individual.

As usual, it is easier said than done because it is highly rewarding when done right.

Today, there are many versions of the law of attraction but with respect to marriage, it is this simple; you attract the marriage that you are involved in.

Tip #5 – Self Awareness

PREVIOUS POST: 5 Signs That Separation May Be Good For Your Marriage 💔

Most people would like to know the potential risk ahead in any endeavor.  

That’s why the easiest advice for anyone to give when it comes to marriage is to prepare by talking about everything before getting married.

But it’s useless advice for the most part because self awareness is false in the midst of falling in love with another flawed human being.

So I want you to replace  that with self-awareness only with respect to what you can control in the present.

That’s what was demonstrated when Steve said “I’m an alcoholic and have said mean things to my wife while drunk.”

It’s a step in the right direction to attracting a healthy and blissful marriage (again).

This must be very easy… right?

Tip #4 – Self Accountability

TRENDING: How To Save Your Marriage By Yourself – 2nd of 7 Keys

Honestly, it is one of the hardest things for humans to do; stand in the mirror, learn and gain intelligence from that standpoint.

Steve also said “I also disconnected emotionally and sexually for most of our two year marriage.” 

What most people do is point fingers and at best, play an all inclusive blame game when you hear things like “we were both wrong.”

When you do that, the emphasis goes on the word “wrong” from an attack standpoint and that exposes your partner to a need to become defensive.

“Wrong” as a thing then expands because in the law of attraction, what you focus on expands; positive or negative.

So does that mean one person can save the marriage?

Tip #3 – Let Go & Let God

Eventually, it takes two but it doesn’t have to start with two.  In fact, it never starts with both parties; one person is usually shut off already.

But here is a tricky one.

One of the biggest delusional behaviors we take-on when we get married is to directly or indirectly try to control our spouse.

It’s actually worse when you are doing it indirectly because you are not aware; in fact, you’d argue that your behavior is not controlling but it is… precisely from an insecure place.

We’ve all done it.

From Steve’s story, it was important that he let her go when a crisis hit his marriage.  

Natural instincts and common sense say you should fight which most people interpret as endless begging, manipulation, ambush, family meetings etc.

With respect to the law of attraction, the human mind runs farther away from perceived pain when you chase as opposed to pursue.

If you find yourself in this situation, you have a significantly higher chance of attracting your spouse back when you let go and learn how to pursue.

Here is the difference between chasing and pursuing.

Pursuit in the context of romance puts more energy towards preparing and waiting for the right opportunity from a place of abundance to woo a partner.

So you just wait?  For how long?

Tip #2 – Self Improvement

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

You are not just waiting. 

I know self-improvement may sound like a cliche but it’s not as simple as it sounds.  Remember earlier when we talked about self-accountability as a difficult thing to do.

Instead of waiting just to attract your marriage, I want you to “not wait” but take advantage of this opportunity of being alone (which may never come again because you are about to become high value) to increase your market place value.

Yes.  There is a market place and your estranged partner is aware directly or indirectly of (at least) perceived higher value on the other side.

The grass always seems greener on the other side right?  But that’s because someone is watering it or the grass is fake… synthetic.

When Steve said… “I went to rehab and quit drinking. I have been working on me and us.”

Working on “me” is key to leveraging the law of attraction to rekindle his marriage.

And the “us” part can set him up for failure because it automatically embeds expectations of another human in the process.  

It creates a sense of entitlement but not necessarily intentionally.

The key is to focus on self improvement because it will build self worth, esteem, and confidence and your dating marketplace value.

That may just be what your partner needs to see before coming back around to earn you back.

But for how long again… right?

Tip #1 – Infinite Patience


How long should you be engaged in self improvement and development?  Shouldn’t that be forever?  This process requires infinite patience.

I know you are probably in a position to be obsessed about wanting your spouse back but that’s precisely why they are probably running.

Be aware that rejection breeds obsession but also vice versa.  

Being obsessed over a human being transmits the vibe that you are readily available which means it’s okay to take you for granted.

In fact, you really shouldn’t be waiting if you want the highest chance of attracting your spouse back; you should be in the mindset-space that…

If  your spouse comes around, they have to earn you back.

You need to see that much value in yourself before others, especially someone who checked out, can see that value.

Steve said, “She has finally come around some. She is warm and cold. Can this marriage be saved?”


It can be saved but it’s best when it is the idea of the person that checked out because it means they can see the value.


QUESTION ⁉️ “I am in no point of return. Still married, acting as his wife and waiting for him to change.

All these videos don’t address the most important factor in this.

Both people have to be mentally healthy and agree to implement these steps. This is all bullsh&T and makes me even feel more hopeless.

What do I do in that situation? I am alone in this and try to get him to see how I am feeling. He isn’t supportive.”


Why Won’t My Husband Fight For Our Marriage

“MY HUSBAND IS A JERK⁉️” ❤️ What to do to Save my Marriage

QUESTION ⁉️ “I told my hubby to start working on himself and to start moving in a positive direction. Next day, he moved out.

My husband is just a jerk. It’s usually just towards me. He is a great hard working man. We farm beef cattle and both work jobs in town.

We have been married almost 12 years. Since I was 20 and he, 24. We have a nice grounded life. We go to sports events and Church and are normal people.

We just don’t generally get along. I have almost accepted this as just how it’s going to be.”


What To Do To Save My Marriage