Is My Husband a Narcissist? (Take The Quiz) 💔

Is My Husband a Narcissist? (Take The Quiz)

My husband exerts control over others.
My husband talks about how powerful or self-important he is.
My husband makes fun of other people.
My husband shows a pattern of grandiosity.
My husband is in constant need for admiration.
My husband fantasizes about success and power.
My husband has low empathy to understand the feelings of others.
My husband is arrogant.
My husband's sense of entitlement is grand.
My husband shows mood swings and possibly, a disorder.
My husband has been diagnosed with schizophrenia spectrum disorders
My husband has been diagnosed with substance-induced disorders.
Complete the form below to see results

There is a lot of confusion about what is and is not narcissism.

Narcissists can seem charming at first, but they are often manipulative and destructive to those around them.

They will wear you down with their demands for attention and approval until all you want is space from the relationship.

If this sounds like your husband, it might be time to ask yourself if he has narcissistic tendencies and traits.

This blog post is going to explore the signs that may indicate that your spouse is a narcissist or has narcissistic tendencies, as well as provide some tips on how to cope with these traits in your marriage.

You will also be able to take a quick quiz to assess your husband to determine whether he is a narcissist or not.

Who is A Narcissist?

Narcissists are people who narcissistically love themselves and believe they deserve to be loved and admired by others.

Common behaviors of narcissists may include:

  1. Exerting control over others
  2. Talking about how powerful or self-important they are and
  3. Making fun of other people.

And that’s among many.

Narcissistic people will often take advantage of others for their gain, and they are rarely concerned about the consequences.

They can be very charming at first but narcissists lack empathy which makes them unable to form healthy relationships with other people.

When you think your spouse might have narcissistic tendencies it is important not to blame yourself.

The term “narcissism” derives from the ancient Greek myth about a handsome young man who fell in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. The term narcissism was first used by the psychologist Otto Rank in a lecture he gave at the Vienna Psychoanalytic Society in 1912.

The official diagnosis, when assessed by a qualified mental health professional, is Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

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A qualified mental health professional is defined by the set of professional qualifications required to practice psychotherapy or psychological assessment.

Non-qualified mental health professional examples include family members or friends who aren’t qualified therapists or doctors able to diagnose with certainty whether your partner has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or not.

Being qualified to properly diagnosis someone requires training in clinical psychology, psychiatry, or social work followed by board certification as well as several years’ experience working with patients.

Being A Narcissist vs Narcissistic Behavior

You can’t call someone a narcissist without a proper clinical diagnosis from a professional. 

But nearly every human being has at least one narcissistic behavior or more.

A qualified mental health professional can help with this assessment by providing an official diagnosis of NPD when diagnosed according to certain criteria.

But you can also use key characteristics that are often associated with the condition as well as direct statements from your spouse about themselves for guidance too.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is Characterized By:

  1. A pattern of grandiosity
  2. Need for admiration, and
  3. Fantasies about success and power.
  4. Low empathy to understand the feelings of others
  5. Arrogance & Entitlement to whatever they want
  6. A strong sense that they are special or unique.
  7. Rigid and controlling behavior.

On the narcissistic spectrum are some narcissistic traits that do not meet the full criteria for narcissistic personality disorder:

Narcissistic defense mechanisms like splitting and projection (defensive) or self-boasting (offensive).

Narcissists will often use these as a way to protect themselves from narcissistic injury.

Narcissistic personality Disorder (NPD) is a Mental Disorder.

With NPD, people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others.

People with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they’re superior to others and have little regard for other people’s feelings.

To be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, the following criteria must be met:

  1. 5 or more narcissistic traits, at least one of these must be either grandiosity or entitlement.
  2. The narcissistic traits are necessary for diagnosis and don’t occur exclusively during episodes of mood disorders, schizophrenia spectrum disorders, or substance-induced disorders.
  3. The narcissistic personality traits cause significant functional impairment or subjective distress.
  4. The narcissistic symptoms are not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance or another medical condition.

Here Are Some More Narcissistic Personality Disorder Symptoms:

You can feel the grandiosity with expectations of superior treatment from others with a fixation on fantasies of power, success, and attractiveness.

He selfishly takes advantage of others to achieve his own ends while having flaky self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

A clinically diagnosed narcissistic husband might envy you and believe you are envious of him and with a sense of entitlement – expecting favorable treatment from you and everyone.

The narcissist sees himself as unique or special, associating with other people who are also narcissistic.

Feels that he’s above the law and to be a clinically diagnosed NPD person, there must be evidence of clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

The narcissistic personality traits must be stable over time and across different situations, the sufferer has to have had these symptoms for at least two years.

It cannot occur exclusively during periods of mood disorders, schizophrenia spectrum disorder, or substance intoxication syndromes.

The symptoms cannot be attributable to another medical condition.

Narcissistic Supply

A term used to describe narcissistic needs for attention, affirmation or praise and admiration from others in order to support their fragile self-esteem.

In the narcissistic relationship cycle, this is called mirroring where you are expected to admire your partner’s success and accomplishments while they devalue you.

The narcissistic cycle of abuse is a three-phase process that narcissistic people go through on the way to extracting narcissistic supply from their partners.

First is idealization which means they are putting you up on a pedestal and showing interest in everything about you.

This phase ends when it’s obvious that your partner feels superior to you.

A Narcissistic Behavior Is Not Something Someone Chooses.

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It’s a personality disorder that has formed over time due to an individual’s upbringing or past experiences (e.g., childhood trauma).

Although narcissists tend to come across as self-assured individuals who know what they want, underneath this veneer there may be doubt and a constant need for praise and attention.

Many narcissists tend to be paranoid and hypersensitive which can lead to violent outbursts or anger problems.

These behaviors stem from a fear of their true self being revealed; most narcissists hide behind an image that is not real.

Narcissism Is Quite Different From Self-Esteem Issues.

It’s important when trying to determine whether your spouse is narcissistic or has narcissist traits that you do not confuse this with low self-esteem issues such as depression.

People who have lower than normal levels of confidence may feel the need to boost themselves up by putting others down.

But they are very different in nature compared to narcissists who believe everyone should love them just because they are narcissists.

10 Signs Your Husband Might Be a Narcissist:

Many people who have narcissistic spouses are too afraid, confused, shocked, etc., that they don’t know how to react which can allow these behaviors from their spouse to go on for much longer than necessary.

The following will help you better understand what is going on with your partner so that you can address this problem head-on instead of waiting until things get worse first.    

Sign #10 – Controlling Behavior

“I think my husband is controlling; so is my husband a narcissist?

A narcissist wants power over others because he/she feels insecure about themselves.

This can take the form of your narcissist becoming very possessive and jealous, or even manipulative to get what they want.

They may also try and control you by telling you how things should be done rather than allowing you freedom in this area (e.g., not letting you go out with friends until recently).  

These behaviors are almost always present because narcissists have a hard time sharing power once it has been established.   

Sign #9 – Frenzied Need for Attention 

A narcissist’s sense of self-worth is dependent on others’ opinions about them so he will do anything necessary to receive attention from those around him.

This includes being outrageously charming one day just to become cold towards someone the next.

This is because narcissists can’t control whether or not people will like them so they look to others for validation.   

Sign #8 – Feelings of Superiority

Narcissists often believe that they are above everyone else and this belief may be based on real-life achievements, false claims about their accomplishments, or even delusions of grandeur (e.g., claiming to have led a major event in history).     

A narcissist’s sense of superiority also means he believes themselves to be smarter than the average person which makes it difficult for them to admit when wrong or apologize unless they feel that doing so would help maintain power over you (e.g., won’t say sorry if it’s an issue that they don’t want to lose control over).   

Sign #7 – Lack of Empathy or Remorse

“My husband doesn’t see me; so is my husband a narcissist?

A narcissist is unable to see things from another person’s perspective which means you may find yourself feeling like your emotions and needs do not matter.  

This can be very hurtful as it makes you feel invisible even though this was never the narcissist’s intention.     

They also tend to avoid criticism at all costs because narcissists believe themselves to be perfect with no room for improvement (e.g., will be aggressive if their behavior comes into question, especially in public situations where they cannot escape scrutiny).   

Sign #6 – Problems With Authority Figures

Due to his feelings of superiority, a narcissist might struggle when faced with authority figures (e.g., teachers, bosses) which can lead to problems at work and school as well as with the law.

The narcissist will want their way simply because they believe themselves to be right even if this does not make sense to others around them (e.g., trying to get out of a ticket by arguing that he has diplomatic immunity).   

Sign #5 – Lack of Intimacy 

Narcissists often find it difficult to connect with people on an emotional level since most feelings are perceived by them as weaknesses.

So intimacy is usually avoided unless the narcissist needs something from you or feels threatened in some way.   

If your partner shows most or all of these narcissist behaviors then you might be dealing with a narcissist.

Sign #4 – Silent Treatment 

This could be a sign that your husband is a narcissist.

Silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse in which an abuser will not speak to the victim as a way of punishing them.

It is difficult for many people because it can last for hours or days, and it may be accompanied by other forms of abuse such as yelling, screaming, name-calling, and criticizing.

The silent treatment can also cause us to question whether anything we say is ever good enough for our husband.

It may also make us feel isolated from the world as if nobody cares about us anymore.

It’s a powerful tool that you give to someone who has hurt you deeply.

A narcissist can use it to send a clear message to his wife: she has done something wrong and it needs to change.

Sign #3 – Emotionally Abusive

“My husband is emotionally abusive; So is my husband a narcissist?”

Emotionally abusive behavior includes any pattern of behaviors that are designed to hurt someone emotionally, such as name-calling or putdowns.

These types of people will often be insensitive and unaware of the effects their behavior has on others.

They may use threats and intimidation to get what they want and sometimes claim they only lash out because the other person provoked them or did something wrong.

It also occurs in relationships where one partner is not violent but abuses the other with words, leaving the partner feeling helpless and worn down.

Emotional abuse is a form of mind control, which makes it very difficult for the victim to break free.

They are often insecure, and they use emotional abuse as a way of maintaining control or manipulating their partner into doing what they want them to do because the abuser is afraid that if he does not maintain strict control over his partner, something bad will happen.

Narcissistic individuals use tactics like these to feed their own ego while disregarding how it affects others.

If you are dealing with an abusive narcissist, you may feel like everything that goes wrong in their life is your fault.

The narcissistic abuser will find ways to twist things around and make it seem like the victim’s behavior caused them harm when really this couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Sign #2 – Self Importance

“My husband thinks he is more important than everyone else; So is my husband a narcissist?”

Self importance is defined by Merriam-Webster as “a large sense of one’s own importance”.

Self importance can be seen through different behaviors such as boasting, entitlement, or rage.

Self importance is a trait of narcissism that is used to describe when an individual has an inflated sense of their own value and overlooks the values of others.

It usually stems from childhood abuse, neglect, or high parental expectations.

Sign #1 – Selfish Person

“I think my husband is a selfish person; so is my husband a narcissist?”

A selfish person is a person who thinks of themselves first and foremost before considering what might be best for others.

He doesn’t care about anybody else and will not put in an effort to help others.

They get angry when they get nothing in return from your friendship while never doing anything for you in return.

Most people would say that a selfish person is a terrible friend or neighbor or even a son or daughter because they only think of themselves and their own needs ahead of anyone else.

Narcissists are selfish people, but there is a bigger issue with them than selfishness alone because they have narcissistic personality disorder.

A selfish person does not have to hurt others but narcissists cause big problems for those who live or work closely around them.

Mental Disorders Can Be Caused By Mental Trauma And Mental Fatigue.

Narcissists often show signs of mental fatigue because they feel overwhelmed and obligated to take care of everyone around them.

Stress and mental health issues can lead to mental disorders such as depression and anxiety, among others.

Mental health issues also make it difficult to focus and concentrate.

And, in most cases, mental disorders can be prevented if caught at an early stage.

People who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder typically have trouble adjusting to stressful situations and challenges in life.

They tend to lash out or withdraw when they are faced with something new or different, often leading to mental health issues.

These mental health issues then make them even less able to handle new situations, leading to a mental disorder such as anxiety or depression.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is an Umbrella Term

It’s a term for people who suffer from narcissistic tendencies and often find themselves unable to cope with mental stress and mental health issues like other mental disorders.

Additional symptoms identified with narcissism include low self-esteem, obsessive concern about their body shape or weight, constant feelings of being misunderstood by those around you, always feeling that someone else has been given more attention than they have received etc.

They also tend to continuously struggle in relationships due to lack of empathy towards others’ needs and emotions which can lead them to become very lonely over time.

Handling Marriage To A Narcissistic Husband

When you spend time with your friends, family, or yourself, it can be a great way to deal with being married to a narcissist.

It is important to spend quality time outside of the relationship.

Being In A Relationship with a Narcissistic Partner

Being in a relationship with a narcissist may be very hard because it’s hard to tell if the person is being real with you or not.

The narcissistic partner can’t empathize with anyone else and they don’t care about anyone but themselves.

They often treat other people like objects, which can be really hurtful.

A Narcissistic partner tends to also be very controlling.

This means that they try to take over everything, including decisions that are rightfully yours.

It can be really difficult to find out if your partner is a narcissist because they tend to manipulate the situation so well.

How The Grandiose Sense Causes Problems in Relationships

The grandiose sense is where the person sees themselves in a grand light and they have a grand understanding of who they are.

They have this sense because they have been told from a young age that they are special and perfect.

They also understand that others see them as being special and perfect.

When someone has this, it’s likely because they’ve been given power over other people their whole life. 

This grand sense of self makes it very difficult for them to have a healthy relationship with another person.

Their grandiose sense causes problems in their relationships because they don’t understand what other people need from them.

They get upset when others want something different than what they are giving because this clashes with how grand and separate they see themselves as.

What Is The Diagnostic And Statistical Manual?

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The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) is a set of criteria that psychologists and psychiatrists use to diagnose mental disorders.

It is used to help identify mental disorders.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, less than one percent (0.01%) of the general population is actually diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder.

This means that most people who are struggling with narcissism do not have it as a diagnosis because they don’t meet all four criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder in DSM-IV-TR or ICD-11, which differ slightly from each other but both include lack of empathy towards others, grandiosity/self-love/obsession about themselves, arrogance/”acting superior”, and haughtiness/”belittlement” toward those perceived weaker than them.

They also show signs such as feeling “entitled”, taking advantage of others/exploitation, being jealous of others/envious, and a lack of empathy.

These traits all cause problems within relationships because they are hard to deal with if the narcissistic person doesn’t want their behavior changed or at least improved upon.

What To Do When You Are In A Narcissistic Relationship

When you find out that your husband is a narcissist it can come as quite a shock since most people don’t think about this disorder very often until someone close to them has been diagnosed with it.

Firstly, get into therapy so you can acquire better coping skills for when your partner is having a difficult moment.

Here is some additional information you may find useful.

Personality Disorders

A Personality Disorder diagnosis is made when a person presents an enduring and inflexible pattern of inner experience, thought, and behavior that is associated with distress or with challenging social problems.

Personality Disorders are usually accompanied by disturbances in cognition.

Personality Disorders can lead to considerable anguish due to strain on interpersonal relationships, or the inability to function in daily life.

Personality disorders are usually categorized by clusters of traits that reflect basic patterns of behavior.

Narcissism falls under Cluster B Personality Disorders along with Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder which share many similarities such as impulsivity and emotional regulation

Excessive Admiration vs Excessive Self-Admiration

Excessive self-admiration that deserves sympathy is called narcissistic personality disorder, or NPD.

Excessive admiration of others is a different problem, and not a psychological disorder.

A narcissist typically has a grandiose sense of self-importance, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy.

They may even take on the role of “professional victim.”

Their extreme need for validation can lead them to become angry or aggressive when they don’t receive the attention they feel they deserve.

Many people feel a deep need for admiration and praise.

Narcissistic Partners Come in All Shapes & Sizes.

Narcissists may be at a high-functioning level, grabbing a PhD, teaching a university course, publishing articles in journals, being the best athlete on the field, or being an amazing mother.

Narcissists may also have significant difficulties with depression, isolation from friends and family, anger management problems, substance abuse problems, financial irresponsibility as well as infidelity.

Narcissistic partners can be attractive.

Narcissism looks different for everyone and can be hard to recognize without working through the needed steps to identify Narcissistic patterns of behavior; verbally abusive behavior, cruel comments and worse.

You spend time together for a long time before getting married but yet, you failed at identifying these things.

Can A Family Therapist Generate A Formal Diagnosis For Narcissistic Personal Disorder?

A family therapist can generate a formal diagnosis for Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but it will be based on the family’s assessment of the family member, not just the family member.

Family members are often the first to suspect that family member is narcissistic.

A family therapist can guide family members through assessing whether their family member has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but they do not have information on every possible symptom of narcissism and cannot be certain if a family member who exhibits some symptoms does or does not have Narcissistic Personality Disorder without more formal testing.

After they have gone through this process, they can decide if formal diagnosis is necessary.

If it is decided that a family member has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the family therapist will work with the family to develop coping strategies for dealing with their loved one’s illness.

The symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder are not always easy to pinpoint in family members because there may be times when some symptoms are present and others are not—it all depends on who the narcissist is interacting with at any given moment.

The family therapist also provides support to dysfunctional families by teaching them how to better communicate within family units while building more effective interpersonal relationships outside of the home environment.

The family therapist guides parents through techniques such as setting boundaries, reinforcing positive behavior, and modeling healthy family interactions.

In addition, the family therapist also helps them recognize when they need to reach out for help from a mental health professional as well as how to make those necessary connections with local providers who can assist them in their healing process.

Family therapists work closely with children so that they do not develop poor coping mechanisms due to exposure to toxic family relationships.

This often includes teaching parents techniques of parenting without aggression or hostility towards their child—the family therapist does this by utilizing best practices surrounding positive discipline strategies which promote responsibility, accountability, empathy, and self-worth within children while helping families understand what is age-appropriate behavior at various developmental stages throughout childhood development.

Family therapy may be beneficial for adults too because it allows individuals to learn how to have healthier relationships with themselves and other social connections.

The family therapist provides a safe space for the members, couples, or individuals suffering from mental health disorders such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder to discuss their issues openly without fear of judgment while also learning healthy ways to communicate in times when conflict arises within the family unit.

Family therapists do not provide individual therapy sessions because they believe that family units should work through problems together rather than apart—they are there to guide families towards healing and wellness by teaching them better communication skills so they can resolve all types of conflicts whether it be between siblings, parents and children, partners or spouses.

Narcissism is a complex topic that requires an extensive study on both an institutional level as well as a family level to fully comprehend.

Support System When In Relationship with a Narcissist

A support system is vital in any relationship, but when in a relationship with a narcissist, it is even more important.

It can be extremely difficult to cope with narcissistic behavior on your own.

Getting support from people that you trust and love will help strengthen your support system.

Talking to other people that have dealt with or are currently dealing with narcissism can also be helpful, because they may have experiences that you can relate to.

As I mentioned before, it can be very hard to handle a relationship with a narcissist personally.

If they are constantly telling you that other people are trying to come between your relationship, it is important not to believe them.

Other support groups include family and friends of the narcissist, because they may be able to give insight into their behavior that you cannot see or understand.


Is your husband a narcissist?

Is he just in need of some TLC and attention, or is there something more sinister going on?

It’s hard to tell what’s really going on with your husband when you’re not living inside his head.

The best thing that you can do for yourself is taking the time to figure out what it is that YOU want from him, then communicate those expectations clearly and calmly to him without any emotional accusations.

If things don’t improve after this intervention, you may have a very serious problem at hand – one which will require professional help to address.

Don’t forget to download your free book Get My Marriage Back at: 

Also, check out the 30 minutes free coaching and discovery session that we will give you access to right after the download.

“Is My Wife Cheating?” 💔 10 Additional Questions To Find Out

In this lesson, you will discover the real answer to this age-old question (Is my wife cheating?) and why the answer is probably not what you need before these 10 questions.

Nonetheless, I will give you the answer.

We are sorry that you have found yourself in this space with your marriage.  We want to help and this article will be a great start.

Warning! Do not read anything else about cheating suspicions until you read this article in its entirety.  You will break your home if you do.

With that being said, in this previous post, we shared 10 signs that your wife just slept with someone else.

We created that article but there is a problem that reading that article can potentially create and that’s turning you into an FBI agent in your own marriage.

What happens after reading these types of articles is the initiation of the vicious cycle, rabbit hole and urge to start looking for more information on how to catch your wife with another man.

It will never be enough.

There is usually a complete neglect for the psychological factors involved when you find yourself in this space of cheating and infidelity suspicions.

What If Your Wife Cheated?

This question is a bigger question that we want you to answer before you embark on the painful journey of finding out if your wife cheated.

There is a difference between those 2 questions; “Is your wife cheating?” and “What if your wife cheated?”.

But both questions are just as painful because the subject of the matter is still “cheating.”

And we can’t afford to manipulate you out of wondering if this has, in fact, happened because you have your reasons for the suspicion.

We can groom the mind in the direction that’s healthy over time but we can’t just format it like a computer disk if this is an actual concern.

So what if she cheated?  

As painful as that question is to process, what would you do?  That answer is more important than finding out if she’s actually cheating.

Are You Satisfied With Your Findings?

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In an ideal world, you would check out all the signs that the gurus provide and your findings would indicate that your wife is not cheating.

But does that really satisfy the root cause of your concerns?

When you suggest to the husband of these modern days the possibility of being insecure, they get very defensive.

Insecurity is one issue but the tendency to get very defensive quickly is another behemoth issue all together.

By default, the root cause of the quest to know if your wife is cheating is insecurity.  

The confusion comes when you think that the possibility of your insecurity is a crime that negates the possibility that your wife could also be cheating.

Two things can be true at the same time.

So if your findings say that she is not cheating, the human mind will tend to keep looking for answers that align more with the suspicion.

And if your findings indicate that she has been cheating, what would you do?

Therefore the only answer you should be looking for is these… 

10 Questions Before Finding Out If She Is Cheating Or Not … 

  1. “What if your wife is cheating?”  
  1. If she’s cheating, what would be the next step?  
  1. Would that hurt and to what extent?  
  1. Would you leave the marriage?  
  1. If you decide to stay, under what condition?
  1. What condition is healthy for you to stay in a marriage with a cheater?
  1. What about healing from the wound of that level of betrayal?
  1. What about healing from not being in bondage of always wondering if she’s still cheating?
  1. Is total redemption from the effects of a cheating wife even possible?
  2. How do I stop wondering if my wife is cheating?

Here Is An Example of A Good Reason For Cheating Concerns

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A reader reached out to us. He thinks his wife is cheating.

According to him, she was never a social person. But recently, she has been hanging out late on random nights after work with co-workers.   

Before his suspicions, she would call or text if she was going to be late for any reason but it’s getting really bad these days.

One day, after texting and calling her, looking for her and even reaching out to her family, with no response, he was forced to trace her to the bar around her workplace.

Eventually, she ran into her car and just waited long enough for her.  She eventually came out of a male co-workers’ car.

When they talked about it, she claimed that she was too drunk to come home right away so she decided to just hang out and talk with the male co-worker in his car.

Now… is there enough information to confirm what he has been suspecting?  No.  

Is She Right Or Wrong?

… to even be in these compromising positions of hanging out, getting drunk around male friends and co-workers who she is obviously very comfortable with?

Whatever your answer is would be correct.  You have the right to be right.

Is it possible that his wife is cheating on him?  Yes.

Is it possible that she is not cheating at all? Yes.

Which answer is more probable? Your outlook on life will be the lens of choice here.

None of the answers is relevant to the real issue at hand which is the fact that your wife has found a safer zone outside of your marriage.

Is it your fault?  Blame, guilt, judgement and condemnations are irrelevant to a healthy way forward.

A bigger issue is also that you are now operating out of fear and not faith.  This will kill every ounce of attraction left in your marriage.

If you care for her, your goal should be one of these two different goals; to attract her back or let her go to set yourself free.

It just so happens that letting her go will increase the chances of attracting her back as we all know that the streets are not safe for anyone.

But it takes certain types of experience for some people to find out.

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The worst thing you can do is to continue to go down the rabbit hole of being an FBI or CIA agent in the sanctity of your own home.

That’s never going to be fun and it will never create a positive fruit for your own life.  We understand that a cheating wife won’t do that either.

However, you are better off working with the law of attraction.  Focus on yourself and you will attract what’s best for you, including the best out of your wife.

If she’s just naturally a cheater (which is possible), you will also attract that information in a more healthy way that will allow you to move forward in the most healthy way.

At least, you won’t be missing out on a fun life until that happens.

Seeking individual counseling, coaching and therapy is also not a bad idea in this space because this is going to be easier said than done.  

It can be very hard to just relax when you have real suspicions.

Don’t forget to download your free book Get My Marriage Back at: 

Also check out the 30 minutes free coaching and discovery session that we will give you access to right after the download.

3 Marriage Retreat Events That Will Break You & Your Partner Further Apart 💔

In this lesson, you will discover 3 things from a marriage retreat that can break you further apart from your spouse.

While marriage retreat can really help to revive your marriage with the first 6 things that I want to share with you first,

it is very important to note that it can create worse marriage conditions.

This lesson is especially for you if you feel that your marriage is potentially in crisis

and you are wondering if a marriage retreat can help rekindle things.

But first…

How Much Does A Couples Retreat Cost?

Some few years back, our Church youth ministry decided that it was time to put together a marriage retreat for young couples.

At that time, we had just started this platform where we are sharing some really unique

and unconventional perspectives to building a strong marriage.

We knew that there was probably nothing new we would learn at the retreat

so we added some humility with a desire to network and we registered for it.

The cost was $300 per couple.  

It was way cheaper than many of these marriage retreat packages out here that can range from $3,000 to $5,000.

Even at that cost, I don’t think that is as expensive as a broken marriage; so be aware of some perspective there.

So from that marriage retreat experience, we ended up learning 9 things we think you should know before planning to go to one.

Let’s dive right in… 

Thing #9 – Lectures & Sermon Preaching

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So there will usually be a keynote speaker who will usually be a Pastor if the event is organized by a church.

In our opinion, this segment for the marriage retreat will probably be the least valuable for your marriage, and here is why.

The speaker would normally have their (not necessarily wrong) ideologies that either one of you as a couple will gravitate towards while the other may not be able to relate.

You will hear more generalized ideologies and beliefs more so than anything that addresses your unique situation.

Thing #8 – One Weekend Is Not Enough

Just as you should be aware of how realistic or unrealistic your expectations can be with respect to your partner, don’t expect a marriage retreat weekend to fix your marriage right away.

However, it can be powerful enough to trigger your marriage towards that direction even if it’s only one of you who is in the right space of mind.

Thing #7 – Role Play Exercises

Avoid marriage retreats that don’t involve some type of role-playing exercises because it is one of the most valuable parts of the experience especially for a couple in crisis.

When it comes to relationships, people can know 110% of the right things to do from a theoretical standpoint and fail woefully when things are playing out in real life.

This segment is great for weeding out the hidden principalities that your marriage is up against when you interact with your partner.

Thing #6 – Attraction, Intimacy & Sex

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A marriage retreat event where they don’t discuss this topic in detail and as vulgarly as possible is probably not going to help your marriage.

Sure you can regurgitate the same ‘ol advice such as love each other, go on weekly dates, learn the 5 love languages.

But many of the issues that couples deal with when it comes to lowered attraction, interest, seduction, intimacy, and sexlessness will remain unfixed without hitting the nail on the head.  

Thing #5 – Q & A’s

Questions and answers segment is the most valuable part of a marriage retreat in our opinion because it creates at least a 2-way dialogue and conversation.

But depending on how much the couples in attendance feel safe, they will have questions particularly if the lecture or preaching session had an adequate impact.

When a speaker delivers pure preaching from any remotely judgemental standpoint, the attendees will not feel safe to ask quality questions because they don’t want to be judged.

If no one is asking questions, the next segment now becomes more important as it will help instigate a valuable dialogue.

Thing #4 – Case Studies & Discussions

This is a segment where a good speaker would present illustrations, stories, and real-life examples of other couples who failed and succeeded at navigating marriage.

As much as we like to point out how different and unique every marriage is…

And emphasize on why no 2 marriages should ever be compared to each other, there are predictable patterns across the board that we can all learn from.

So introducing other stories will help attendees find different hiccups they can relate with in order to learn certain moves and actions to embrace or avoid.

3 Deadly Things To Avoid With Marriage Retreats

We just discussed the 6 different segments of a quality marriage retreat to look forward to if you decide to enroll in one.

Here are the last 3 things from a marriage retreat that can break your marriage further apart; learn them so you can avoid them.

Thing #3 – Absolutes & Extremes

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These 2 elements are the major enemies of relationships and especially marriage.

What many people tend to do is go to a marriage retreat and gather absolute and extreme ideologies they can use to manipulate their partner.

These ideologies usually start with “Married couples should…”, “A husband should…”, “A Wife should…” or “A real man should”.

These are double-edge swords with a minimum of 2 perspectives.  “Shoulds” are not always your reality.

So, you are better off replacing them with finding the unique things you and your partner have in common and embracing differences that can help you complement each other. 

Thing #2 – Duplication & Multiplication

Marriage retreat will tend to duplicate and multiply what your relationship already is if you do not leverage it to find out where you as an individual are contributing to what it already is.

Let’s break that down.

If your underlying relationship is trash, a marriage retreat has a way of making it more trash because of the heavy vibe of generalization at such events.

Thing #1 – Resentment From Comparison

When you are among so many other couples who may not be in any crisis like yours, it’s easy to start feeling like the grass may be greener on the other side.

This is especially true when your marriage is already in crisis.  

It’s only natural in that space to start comparing your situation to other people’s situation who may just look better on the outside only. 

Effectively, you start resenting your partner even more. 

So be sure to engage in proper therapy, counseling, and coaching before exposing your marriage to so much energy that you do not understand; Just another thing to beware of. 

Don’t forget to download your free book Get My Marriage Back at: 

Also, check out the 30 minutes free coaching and discovery session that we will give you access to right after the download.

Our Top 5 “Must Read” Marriage Books 💔 For Couples

In this lesson, you will discover the top 5 “must-read” marriage books we think every couple must read individually, especially and together when possible.

Every marriage will experience a crisis at some point regardless of how prepared for marriage the parties try to be.

Lola and I had our fair share.

When everything was good, lovely, and romantic, it was difficult for us to comprehend why we needed to learn more about how marriage works.

When we engaged in premarital counseling shortly before our wedding in 2007, we understood the counsel from a fulfilling-all-righteousness standpoint.

But we simply could not comprehend the depth of the importance of new wisdom with respect to marriage—we thought we had figured it all out.

You are probably just as naive as we were. 

That’s normal but I recommend that you rise above normal.

So we want to recommend our 5 top marriage books that we feel will put you into a space of new marriage-related wisdom.

I will also share what we got out of the book so that you can know what to expect.

Let’s dive right in.

Best Marriage Book #5 – The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

I know you probably saw this coming.

The best thing about this book is that it is fundamentally a seduction tool precisely to maintain a healthy level of attraction in a marriage.

Of course, there is always a Mr & Mrs know-it-All who doesn’t believe in “all that goofy stuff.”

Unfortunately, attraction, as important as it is in modern marriage, tends to fall in the background of most marriages.

Sadly, some would read this book and use it to manipulate and set up even more unrealistic expectations.  

Don’t be that person.

It’s a seduction tool to learn how to serve so that you can receive more authentically.

Best Marriage Book #4 – How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie

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Many people don’t realize that this book is more so about relationships than it is about business.

But granted. 

Businesses are also built on relationships.

In the modern age of marriage, friendship is the core of the underlying relationships. 

Till date, it represents the best flight I ever took because I read it while in transit.

In this book, you will ultimately learn how to build fruitful friendships with anyone.

One of the major conflicts in marriage dances around either controlling behavior or lack of accountability of one or both sides.

In reality, you can try but you cannot control another human being, especially an adult.  

You can however learn how to influence them.

Also, if you feel like your spouse is not being accountable, this book will actually teach you how to influence in the direction you want especially if that is positive.

This works better than going into teaching mode with the person you are supposed to be engaging romantically.

Sadly, this skillset is just as powerful to influence negatively as well.  

You are probably doing that already but may be unknowingly.

Best Marriage Book #3 – How to Be a 3% Man by Corey Wayne

Personally, I believe that the man sets the tone while the woman builds the home. (By the way, I am not talking about a house.)

To adjust more appropriately, I am referring to a typical man and a typical woman. 

As you probably already know, there are exceptions to every rule in life.

So since a typical man sets the tone, it’s probably a wise decision to learn how to become the best that the society has to offer as a man.

Being born or identifying as a male gender is simply not the equivalent of being a man; neither is being a married man.

Just look around you, even as a man, I’m sure you have experienced a man misbehave out of place and out of his masculine core.

I believe this book is not an absolute bible but it will give you great insights into identifying your best moments as a man in his full strength and masculine core.

You can therefore replicate it more often.

If you are a woman, it’s a great read so that you can learn what to expect from a man that you can create a healthy marriage and relationship with long term.

Best Marriage Book #2 – His Needs, Her Needs by William F. Jr. Harley

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As self-explanatory as that may sound to you, we’ve found that most couples are and will have difficulty balancing and consolidating 2 people’s needs at the same time.

In this modern times and age, with the massive uprising of not-so-professional opinions around marriage on social media…

… and the ease of regurgitating these toxic online  opinions of those who have experienced heartbreak without proper healing, this book was my personal saving grace.

That’s why you see grown men roaming around social media talking about…

“Marriage is a total waste of time. If you want a woman, live with one or get a hooker.”

Yea I know. It’s sad, right. 

That’s what happens when humans with the mind of a gold fish go through a heartbreak. 

Then it’s everyone else’s fault but the man in the mirror.

We learned that faults, guilts, blame, judgment and condemnations are irrelevant unless you want to perpetuate a life of emotional suffering.

So this book started my journey down the rabbit hole of learning the differences that create the sexual polarity, love and romance that both the man and the woman crave badly for.

If I’m being honest, it wasn’t good enough but it was good enough to start that journey of remaining a perpetual student of relationships for me personally.

And it has been worth every word in it.

Best Marriage Book #1 – Get My Marriage Back by Lola & Ola

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After reading all those 4 books we recommend, something massive was missing.

There was no book in the market written by a couple from their own perspective and personal stories addressing these issues.

It’s not a book on English grammar.

It’s a book highlighting how we did it and still doing it.

Lola and I understand the perspective of the western and traditional world. 

We found that at its core, we are all the same.

But it isn’t that simple. 

So we wrote this book to unpack things, especially for two types of individuals.

If you feel like your marriage is broken or…seems like it and you are the only one fighting for it, this is the book for you.

But if you feel like things couldn’t be better in your marriage, you may not appreciate the content.

Keep doing whatever is working for you.

Lastly, any and everyone will pick up tips on preparing for the inevitable break down to rock bottom of every marriage before you can build real and true love.

So tell me in the comment area which of these 5 books you will be picking up right away and why.

Don’t forget to download your free book.

Get My Marriage Back at: 

Also check out the 30 minutes free coaching and discovery session that we will give you access to right after the download.

Hit the like button and check out the video on the screen for more information on how to rekindle and build an awesome marriage and legacy without being a simp or a pick-me.

How To Handle Marriage Separation 💔 7 Tips

In this lesson, you will discover how to handle marriage separation in order to ultimately make the outcome most positive and fruitful regardless of how much pain you are dealing with.

I am sorry for whatever the reason is that you are relating to this extremely important topic; my understanding is that it’s never easy, simple, or blissful.

Most people don’t go into a marriage with the purpose or intentions of separating.  I would, however, argue that many are indirectly doing exactly that.  

I’ll explain.

We’ve got tons of separation and reconciliation stories we can share with you to emphasize some of the patterns we continue to share with you in these lessons.

But we want to extract this particular lesson from just 2 stories.  

As usual, all the advice we offer is easier said than done but they are worthwhile.

From the first story, Clara reported to us that her husband slept with someone else during separation and lied about it during and after reconciliation.

I know what you are thinking.

How could she ever possibly trust again?  She can actually. 

But wait.

We also have Christine who is worried that her children will hate her and their dad for separating.

Even though the kids have accepted her excuse for sleeping on the sofa (she told them “mommy needs her space”), she is afraid that they will start to recognize the lack of intimacy or affection at some point.

Honestly, that is probably the least of her issues.

While some may be good at hiding the pain, separation is never easy for either of the parties involved; husband or wife.

Many of today’s modern men and women lack the patience level required to see it that way because they want all the answers to life questions faster, logically, and now.

They often opt-in for pointing fingers at everything and everyone else.

So in today’s lesson, I want to point out 7 tips to help anyone in any phase of navigating separation in marriage in order to make the most out of it.

Let’s dive right into it.

Tip #7 – Rules & Boundaries.

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One of the tools professionally offered to help with separation are letters or contracts that state what the rules and boundaries are during this process.

But I want to emphasize more on the double edge nature of emphasis on rules and boundaries.

Of course, these are designed to not be crossed.  

But for quite a significant percentage of people, the emphasis on rules and boundaries tends to create attention for it and sadly, a heightened desire to cross them.

This is especially true when people are going through an experience that puts them in potentially the weakest space they’ve ever been in a lifetime.

So I want you to treat rules and boundaries with care especially during separation in marriage.

Actually, I’d rather you put more attention into yourself, self-esteem, self-worth, and understanding that the existing version of your marriage is over.

If you do decide to stay together, it should be a completely different version of your marriage.

It will make building trust a lot more easier because what happened with the other person during separation becomes less of a factor for the future.

I’m not saying this to encourage bad and sloppy behavior during separation but to encourage you to retain your much-needed power for your future with or without your present partner.

This is the tip for Clara whose husband slept with someone else during separation and lied about it.  

As far as I am concerned, it’s more so an old problem that was never solved.  

It’s an unrealistic expectation problem.  

When in separation from your marriage, anything should not go but it could because it usually would.  “Should“ is usually not the reality. 

Tip #6 – Why 

I want you to identify why you and/or your spouse have opted for separation in order to support the process with a purpose.

Any endeavor in life without an explicitly identifiable purpose is 100% destructive whether you know it or not.

Unfortunately, many people call for separation when they are in a confused state in an attempt to run away from pain or perceived pain.  

So they just leave things in the hands of fate.

Tip #5  – How Long Should You Stay Separated?

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This part is also like an oxymoron.  

Let me explain.

When people want separation from a partner or the other way around, they are also and often caught up in their feelings to a large extent.

So the idea of setting a time or term on the process is almost an oxymoron because if they could do that, they would just fix the marriage.

But that’s why I am pointing it out.

If you want to make the most positive outcome from this often unpleasant experience, I want you to be intentional.

Starting with yourself, I want you to identify and determine how long you want to give this separation process before attempting a decision to stay together or move forward.

That will help tremendously with your personal self-esteem because of the element of certainty and put you more so in the driver’s seat.

Tip #4 – Death & Growth

There is no in-between.  

Your marriage is either dying or growing at any point in time.

I am aware that you probably already know this but I also know that in the mental space of a person going through a separation, a reminder is probably necessary.

You are welcome.

Tip #3 – The Effect of Separation On Children

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Christine’s problem is not her children… that’s the least of her problems. 

The children, by default, will have their own trauma carried over into adulthood.

Of course, parents should not be adding on to that.  

But as you can see, Christine is adding on to it, maybe unknowingly, but for reasons best known to her by leaving her matrimonial bed for the couch.

She has her legitimate reasons; I’m sure.

It’s not what the kids are saying or hearing.  

It is much more like what they are watching, how they will subconsciously process and interpret them, their personality, their temperament, 2,000 other signals… 

And how they choose to live life as adults.

The only part of that you will be able to, not control but, influence is how you are living your life, maybe a little of what you say to them but more like how you nurture your marriage from what they can see.

So if you are not capable of nurturing your marriage without asking for space, they are seeing and learning that or the unhealthy and extreme opposite of that no matter how old they are. 

Speaking of space… 

Tip #2 – The Double-Edged & Deadly Nature of Space

While space can actually be a useful tool for mental health, it’s important to know that you are also creating a void and effectively allowing in other energy that may not necessarily be healthy.

Sure, you can eventually hold your partner accountable for any bad behavior or transgression during that separation process.  

It is worth noting that holding other adults accountable all by itself has massive limitations when it comes to romantic relationships and getting what you want. 

It has become pretty normal to ask for space in a marriage. 

But let’s all remember that 50% divorce rate, broken families, and fatherless children are also becoming the norm.

Tip #1 – Duty

I was talking to one of my boys who is in today’s dating market.  

He went ahead and told me in so many ways how modern women lack a sense of duty when it comes to the role of a wife.

This has been simply his experience and I don’t see that as an absolute truth. But I’ve also seen enough to know that this is true to a large extent.  

70-80% of divorces are initiated by women and it goes up to 90% for college and university-educated modern women.

I personally think that the breakdown in family leadership has contributed the most to these unpleasant statistics. 

But I also think it will help tremendously if men have the help of the modern women who want marriage and the family structure in bringing a sense of duty to the “table” while we also continue to address the leadership issues.

After all, both the men and women (and especially children who are the leaders of tomorrow)  benefit from the love and connection but also the long-term benefit of a family structure.  

Duty and not the momentary feelings have been responsible for all structures that stand the test of time.  

It’s time to work together, sadly, on the structure-building end of things.  

Sad because I think this is the sole responsibility of men particularly from a place of leadership with or without permission from women.

Nonetheless, a sense of duty will reduce the number of women running for the hills at the slightest instance of emotional difficulty in a marriage.

I want to encourage men to work on updating our family leadership skills for the 21st century; it’s pretty lazy to keep referencing the society from 100 years ago.  

And it is highly dangerous to count on women to intentionally bring a sense of duty into the family structure beyond just a bonus if that ever happens.

I don’t think a typical woman is capable of that.  I also subscribe to “never say never.”

So tell me in the comment area one additional bonus tip or question to help more people become better on the other end of separation in a marriage.  

We will be happy to create more videos around it.

Don’t forget to download your free book.

Get My Marriage Back at: 

Also, check out the 30 minutes free coaching and discovery session that we will give you access to right after the download.

Hit the like button and check out the video on the screen for more information on how to rekindle and build an awesome marriage and legacy without being a simp or a pick-me.