My Wife Loves Me But Doesn’t Desire Me 💔

You are about to discover what to do if all signals indicate that the wife you married doesn’t desire you anymore even though she claims she loves you.

It’s perfectly normal for a wife to love her husband, but sometimes not feel sexually attracted to him.

While desire cannot be negotiated, it can absolutely be influenced with some tips we will share in this article.

There could be any number of reasons for this, such as a lack of emotional connection, mismatched libido levels or unresolved anger or resentment.

If you’re in this situation, it’s important to talk to your spouse and figure out what’s causing the disconnect.

You may need to see a therapist to help address the underlying issues; you can start with a family therapist.

Here are some very important lessons that we will cover to give you a full understanding and tactful things you can do to rekindle things:

  1. The Meaning of “Desire” In A Marriage
  2. What is the Difference Between Love and Sexual Desire?
  3. “What Does it Mean When My Wife Loves Me But Doesn’t Desire Me?”
  4. How does this affect a marriage and relationship?
  5. Tips for creating sexual desire in your spouse again
  6. The Role of a Sex Therapist

… and more.

My Wife Never Touches Me Anymore

“She used to be so affectionate, but now she seems distant and removed. I don’t know what I did wrong, but I fear that she may be cheating on me or is no longer interested in me. I don’t know how much longer I can take this.”

This kind of problem always start with a wife losing interest.

Let’s dive right in…

3 Signs That Your Wife Is Losing Interest

It can be difficult to tell if your wife is losing interest in you.

However, there are 4 of many other signs you can look out for.

  • Sign #3 – One common sign is if your wife starts to avoid sexual intimacy.
  • Sign #2 – If she stops taking care of herself physically or stops dressing up for you, this can also be a sign that she’s losing interest.
  • Sign #1 – Another sign is if she becomes critical or negative towards you.

If your wife shows any of these signs, it might be time to talk to her about your concerns and see if there’s anything wrong.

The Meaning of “Desire” In A Marriage

When we think of the word “desire,” we often think of our sex life in a marriage and sexual desire.

However, desire is much more than that.

Desire is a yearning or craving for something, someone or the presence of someone.

It can be a strong feeling or emotion that motivates us to take further desired action of course.

In a marriage, it is important for both spouses to feel desired by the other.

This can be accomplished in many ways, such as through words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch.

When both spouses feel desired, it builds intimacy and strengthens the bond between them.

Sexual desire is an important part of a marriage, but it is not the only type of desire that matters.

Spouses should strive to meet each other’s non-sexual desires as well, in order to create a fulfilling and lasting relationship.

That alone can help in boosting and/or sustaining sexual desires in the marriage.

What is the Difference Between Love and Sexual Desire?

When we think of love, we often think of feelings of warmth, happiness and affection.

Love is a deep, emotional connection that spouses have with each other.

It is a feeling of being drawn to someone, of wanting to be close to them and wanting to make them happy.

In marriage, however, love is not just a feeling of lust or passion.

It is much more than that because a long term relationship between 2 different human beings is involved.

Love is Action, Patient, Kind and Fifty Million Others Things.

Sexual desire, on the other hand, is a physical attraction that spouses feel for each other.

It is the desire to be intimate with someone, to touch them and to be touched by them.

Sexual desire can often be confused with love, but they are two separate things.

Sexual desire was traditionally not necessary in a marriage, but love was as a function of duty and responsibility.

However, things have changed and it will hurt your marriage if you dare attempt to discount the importance of feelings in modern day marriage.

There Is A Strong Relationship Between A Couple’s Sex Life, Love And Sexual Desire. 

A couple’s sex life is often seen as the foundation of a healthy relationship, and is usually one of the first things to disappear when a relationship starts to deteriorate.

Love is often thought of as the emotional connection that couples share, and is what keeps them together over time.

Sexual desire, on the other hand, is what motivates people to have sex and is often seen as a physical manifestation of love.

“What Does it Mean When My Wife Loves Me But Doesn’t Desire Me?”

When a wife loves her husband but does not desire him, it can be a sign that there is something wrong in the underlying relationship.

It may be that the wife is no longer attracted to her husband, or that she is unhappy with the way things are going in the relationship.

If this is the case, then it is important for the husband to talk to his wife and find out what is wrong.

He should express his love for her and try to find a way to fix whatever is causing the problem.

By the way, she might not be able to explain this in words.

How Does Your Intimacy Affect a Marriage Relationship?

Your sex life is an important part of intimacy in your marriage and the underlying relationship.

It helps to keep the spark alive and allows couples to feel close to each other.

When there is not healthy level of intimacy (which is deeper than sex), everything else starts to feel wrong.

Your Sex Life Can Take Many Different Forms, Such As Talking And Touching.

If one partner feels that they are not being desired by the other, it can be a blow to their self-esteem.

It can make them feel like they are not good enough and that they are not wanted.

This can lead to a lot of emotional pain and conflict and even emotional and full blown infidelity.

There are many ways to improve your sex life in a marriage relationship.

Couples can talk about their needs and desires, spend time together, touch each other more often, and be open and honest with each other.

But that’s usually not enough because it would most likely take one person to lead the dance.

If you are struggling with this issue, please seek help from a therapist, coach or counselor.

They can assist you in working through these feelings and improving your relationship.

6 Tips for Creating A Fulfilling Sex Life With Your Spouse Again

There are many ways to rekindle your sex life in your relationship with your spouse.

Here are a few tips:

1. Talk openly and honestly about your feelings and desires but with respect to your partner’s feelings.

2. Make time for each other and carve out special moments just for the two of you.

3. Be affectionate and touch each other often.

4. Experiment and be playful in the bedroom.

5. Communicate during sex and let your partner know what you enjoy.

6. Connect emotionally as well as physically.

The Role of a Sex Therapist

A sex therapist’s role is to help couples or individuals overcome issues that are preventing them from enjoying a healthy and fulfilling sex life.

They can help with a range of issues, such as low libido, performance anxiety, erectile dysfunction, and more.

Sex therapists typically use a mix of therapies, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), couples therapy, and psycho-education.

How A Sex Therapist Uses CBT

A sex therapist uses cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) which can be a great help for couples in this situation.

He or she can help the couple understand why the wife loves her husband but does not desire him.

They can also work to help the couple rebuild their intimacy and connection.

Every other advice would probably unintentionally position you to start feeling like your wife is weaponizing sex.

How can she weaponize sex if she doesn’t hate sex with you?

That’s The Easy Route Of Thought; Try Harder.

A sex therapist would help you do the hard work by digging deeper into the reasons behind the scenes and behind the obvious.

You can even take it further.

You will learn seduction skills from a sex therapist that will help you influence high level of desire, interest and attraction.

Check out American Association of Sexuality Educators, counselors and therapists to see if you can find an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist.

An AASECT Certified Sex Therapist is trained to provide in-depth psychotherapy and they are specialized in treating clients with sexual issues and concerns.

What To Do When Your Partner Doesn’t Want To Be Intimate

When your partner doesn’t want to be intimate, it can be a difficult and confusing experience.

You may feel like you’re not good enough or that you’re not attractive in your relationship anymore.

Here Are 5 Things You Can Do To Improve Intimacy:

1. Talk to your partner about why they don’t want to be intimate and try to understand their point of view.

2. Don’t take it personally (this is easier said than done) – remember that this has nothing to do with how much they love you.

3. Don’t pressure your partner into being intimate if they’re not comfortable doing so because desire cannot be negotiated; it can however be influenced if you have the skills.

4. Seek out support from friends or family members who can offer words of encouragement to you if need it; don’t count on them being able to correct your spouse into order.

5. Seek professional help if the situation is causing you significant distress.

Remember that you’re not alone and there are ways to deal with this situation.

Don’t hesitate to reach out for help if you need it.

“Can I Divorce My Wife For Not Sleeping With Me?”

Of course you can divorce your spouse these days for the dumbest reasons.

All you have to do is to claim “irreconcilable differences.”

But of course, I don’t just advice you to just run for the hills at the slightest sight of a slow down in intimacy.

While it may be frustrating if your wife doesn’t want to have sex with you, it’s important to remember that there are many reasons why someone may not be interested in sex.

It Could Be Due To Stress, Fatigue, or Health Issues.

If your wife is unwilling to discuss the issue, then you may want to consult with a therapist to help you understand why she is not interested in sex and work on ways to improve intimacy.

There are many bitter people on the internet that will advice you to just go ahead and kick her to the curb.

You and I know that if it was that easy, you would have done it already.

Don’t compare yourself to people who are so weak to the extent that they never had enough vested interest in a marriage they created in the first place.

Identify if you really want that marriage from a personal standpoint and then move intentionally and accordingly; with the help of good counsel and not random people on the internet.

How Health Issues Can Result in Lack of Physical Intimacy

Many couples struggle with physical intimacy at some point in their relationship.

This can be due to a variety of factors, such as fatigue, stress, or health issues.

When one partner is dealing with health issues leading to a lack of physical intimacy, it might not be as obvious.

Physical intimacy is an important part of a marriage, and when it’s lacking, it can be difficult for both partners.

There are issues that may be hormonal or psychological remnants of health crisis.

Start with a conversation as usual and a healthy does of empathy and that alone can instigate her wanting sex.

“I Just Want My Wife To Want Me But I’ve Heard Many Wives Like Her Hate Sex Eventually.”

Sexual pleasure is an important part of any relationship, and it’s no different for couples in which the wife loves her husband but doesn’t desire him.

This is a temporary issue normally and you next move can make it permanent or temporary; tread carefully.

Even though they’re not physically attracted to each other, these couples can still enjoy a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship if they’re willing to put in the effort.

For men in this situation, it’s important to understand that sexual pleasure isn’t all about the physical act of sex.

Sexual pleasure actually starts long before the act of sex.

There is a lot more going on even though you may feel as though she hates sex; it’s highly unlikely.

One of the key things when you are going through this is to make sure you are prepared for the opportunity to be intimate when it presents itself again.

When that time comes…

Here Are Additional 5 Tips To Be More Sexually Intimate With Your Wife

Tip #5 – First, try to be more present when you’re together.

Tip #4 – Pay attention to her body and her reactions when you’re touching her.

Tip #3 – Second, experiment with different types of touch. Try mixing up your routine to keep things fresh; don’t be predictable.

Tip #2 – Third, communicate with your wife about what she enjoys.

Let her know what turns you on, and ask her about her fantasies.

Tip #1 – Lastly, make time for sex.

Dedicate time specifically for intimacy, and make sure that both of you are available for it.

Here is a quick question for you to ponder.

How do you feel about entertaining sex toys in your sex life?

Your answer can make or break your sex life and intimacy; Hint: No answer is right and wrong.

Why Does My Wife Hate Initiating Sex?

There could be many reasons why your wife hates initiating sex.

It could be that she’s not attracted to you, she’s not in the mood, or she’s not feeling well.

If your wife doesn’t initiate sex very often, it might be because she’s not comfortable doing so.

Heck: It can be completely a traditional or cultural issue

Talk to her about how you feel and see if she has any concerns or suggestions.

This is one of those situations where you may want to identify the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship and both of you as individuals.

What I want you to do is to shed more energy and light on the strengths and avoid trying to force the weaknesses with respect to the result that you want.

I would hope that your desired result is simply more sex; more passionate sex.

“My Wife Makes Excuses To Refuse Sex.”

“My wife loves me and always tells me how much she cares for me, but she doesn’t desire me sexually. She makes excuses not to sleep with me, and it’s really starting to take a toll on our relationship. I’m not sure what to do, as I still want to be intimate with her.”

Most Women In Marriage React To Unhappiness In One Or More Ways: 

Outside of health issues, she might not feel satisfied with her marriage due to the amount of time spent away from her spouse.

The most recent findings suggest that up to 50 percent of couples who have been married 10 years are dissatisfied with their marriage because they report feeling frustrated and unfulfilled.

This is a rather strong reason why most women in marriage do not want sex – it’s as if they’re trying to protect themselves from being hurt again by refusing sex.

To a large extent, this can be subconscious.

Most women refuse sex because they are afraid of getting too close, only for them to continue to feel unhappy in the marriage down the road anyway.

It’s like “why bother?”

The First Step Is Always To Talk To Your Spouse About The Issue.

If that doesn’t work, you may want to engage your seduction power as a woman; that starts with self-assessment.

  • What turned him on to you in the first place?
  • What turns him on to you right now?
  • What turns you on?

Once you find out the answer to all 3 of these questions, then you will find everything else useful in rekindling things.

How To Deal With A Sexless Marriage As A Woman

Dealing with a sexless marriage as a woman can be difficult, but there are ways to cope.

First, it’s important to understand that there is no shame in having a sexless marriage.

It’s not your fault, and you’re not alone.

There are many couples who experience this problem and therefore there are many solutions and options.

In Conclusion

It’s normal for most women to lose interest in their husbands after some time and over time.

This doesn’t mean that the love is gone, just the desire may be absent.

There are many things you can do to help boost your wife’s desire and attraction towards you again.

By leveraging some of the simple tips we’ve covered, you can rekindle the flame and have a more fulfilling marriage.

Here is a last bonus tip for you.

If you are always engaged in arguments that you may have considered a harmless debate, that can sure create lower interest and desire from your spouse; It can get weird from time to time.

What a confusion right?

Are women crazy? 

How do you love a husband you don’t desire?

I was on the receiving end of those resentments she mentioned earlier and it was not fun as you can probably imagine.

We got married and I flipped my legs on the table and just relaxed like most new husbands.

After all, we are now committed to each other for life. 

PREVIOUS POST: 💔 5 Reasons Your Wife is NOT Affectionate Anymore

What else is there to worry about? So I thought or acted at least.

It’s called complacency and we all do it in one shape, form or the other.  

The truth is that I truly loved my wife and my family even back then but that didn’t stop me from being complacent.

Here is the first thing you should know.

On the other end of being complacent is a person you love who may be feeling undesired by you even if you don’t mean to.

And you know what they say about hurt-people. They hurt people right?

That’s right. But I didn’t plan out how I was going to hurt you back.

It was more-so about two people who entered a whole marriage to wing things along.

I know what you are thinking.

Why didn’t we vet properly and go through premarital counseling?

Not only did we engage in some premarital counseling,

we actually dated and were in a committed relationship for 3 years before we went to the altar.  

Here is what we know today after reviewing, consulting and coaching many people in modern marriages .

People that say “I do” don’t know what they are doing because they couldn’t possibly know.

When you haven’t experienced marriage,

you are in a completely different context and it is what it is.

So when I complained about a few things a few times only to get undesirable responses from my husband,

I continued to feel more unsafe to express myself.

The resentments started to build up naturally.

It is in fact true that unexpressed expectations turn to resentments.

It is paramount that you give your partner freedom to express their expectations and the key is to not take those expectations personally.

TRENDING: 5 Stages that Leads to a Sexless Marriage 💔

After our relationship deteriorated so badly, I was still pretty much oblivious.  

To me it wasn’t that difficult.  I just want my wife to want me and it was weird to me that she didn’t get it.

Before I knew it, I started creating room in my life for the idea of entertaining attention that was being deprived on the sidelines.

We never stopped proclaiming our love for each other verbally but I didn’t feel it. 

As a man, I simply normalized it because I grew up with Uncles who had and exercised options when it comes to women; married or not.

Like most men…

*I thought about sexual attraction.

*I wondered why you avoided intimacy and I couldn’t touch you anymore.

*I resented the audacity of committing and not showing up to our marriage.

So of course over time, the disconnection reflected occasionally in my energy and at one point, my wife verbally gave up on us.

The Main Lesson

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

That rock bottom helped me discover the secret. 

A certain type of love required for all marriages is a choice.

However, desire, affection, and attraction are symptoms of a certain consistent way of showing up in your marriage as a man.

A typical wife has a lot on her plate and simply doesn’t get to decide if they want to desire you or not.

Think about it.

In the beginning of your love affair, your wife desired you without knowing enough about you.

Though it wasn’t controlled, it was an attraction.

So we can agree that desire in a marriage is not some logical decision.

At least, that’s not reality.

But it can absolutely be reverse-engineered especially with the history of desire that used to exist between the two of you. 

We know it can happen again but it’s easier said than done.

With proper support it’s absolutely possible because we are a testimony.

But you will have to engage your power and it’s impossible when you are playing the victim.

Frequently Asked Question

Why is my wife not interested in me sexually?

It could be for many reasons including time, boredom, health issues. The good news is that help is available.

What do you do when your wife doesn't want to be intimate?

Have a conversation with a healthy does of empathy and that’s 50% of the battle won.

Can a marriage survive without desire?

Yes a marriage can survive without desire but there is no reason to endure that type of suffering when help is available.

How can I get my wife to desire me again?

Have a conversation and look for ways to add value to her from a place of attraction leveraging seduction skills.

5 Physical Signs Your Wife is Cheating

You are about to discover the 5 physical signs your wife is cheating.

Cheating and/infidelity is a terrible experience for a marriage and relationship.

It kills marriages, and more importantly…


It’s a betrayal and it goes very deep beyond just the moment it happens, the relationship, just one person’s life.   

It’s something that causes deep-rooted damages to a person and getting through it can be very difficult.

So if you’ve experienced any kind of cheating, caught your wife cheating or you feeling like your wife is cheating, you may want to engage a professional to make sure that you go through the proper healing process necessary.

If you don’t, you will spread the damages into other aspects of your life, such as your legacy, your children, and everyone that you ever get into any kind of relationship with.

With that being said, Let’s get into 5 Physical Signs Your Wife Is Cheating:

1st physical sign that your wife is cheating – She is always too tired to have sex.

PREVIOUS POST: 15 Warning Signs Your Wife Doesn’t Love You & How to Attract Her Back ❤️

This sign by itself is not sufficient enough a proof that she is cheating but this could be a sign that she is cheating.

Because remember that energy is neither created nor destroyed.

But if we are finding ourselves in a situation where you feel the need to use the word  “always” to emphasize the fact that… 

  • She doesn’t “always” want to have sex.
  • Always doesn’t want to be intimate with you.

That is something that you should pay attention to.  

And that doesn’t mean you should go ahead and start attacking and accusing her of infidelity.  It simply means you should pay attention.

Just keep in mind that your feelings may be inaccurate or completely far from reality.

It could just be your personal insecurity problems and that’s precisely why, you still need to unpack it and figure out what is going on with your relationship.

So if she comes up as always too tired to have sex, that is something you should pay attention to.

If once in a while, she is just tired after a long working day, that obviously doesn’t mean she is cheating.

It just means she is tired and that’s very normal in a lot of cases.

Even yourself… even if you are the most sex-maniac in the world, sometimes you’re just not in the mood.

2nd physical sign that your wife is cheating – Strange and/or Expensive gifts.

Either she brought to the house or it was shipped to the house…

If it is a common occurrence enough for you to notice, you should be concerned enough to ask questions.

As always, this doesn’t always mean that she is cheating. 


  • You can’t really explain where these gifts are coming from.
  • She has never taken the time to tell you specifically where these gifts are coming from.
  • And if they feel strange to you.

That’s something you should pay attention to…I would.


Because you should know what’s going on anyway.  And if you are not paying attention to your family and especially your wife as a man, what else are you not doing?

That means you’ve been oblivious and anything can happen under your nose to the extent that you wife can start building attraction towards another man.

So, you should be paying attention anyway.

As always, this is not a moment for you to start attacking and accusing her.

There is often a fine and blurry line between insecurity and simply being responsible enough to pay attention.  All this means is to pay attention.

You should ask questions.

“Where is this gift from?”

If she is consistently getting strange and expensive gifts, then I would look for at least 3 or 4 other signs on this list.

3rd physical sign that your wife may be cheating – She hides to take a phone call.

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So you’ve noticed in recent times that your wife doesn’t like taking phone calls in front of you.

She would excuse herself or sometimes never even excuse herself.  

She wanders away into other rooms and she tends to be very quiet while she is taking these calls.

This could be a sign that she is cheating.  Clearly, she is not wanting you to hear what she is having conversations about.

Now if your birthday is approaching, she may be taking calls related to plans of a surprise birthday party for you.

But again if you have 3 or 4 of the other signs on this list in your situation, chances are it’s not about your birthday party.

It means you should pay attention, right?

Now, what is cheating?

In this case, cheating means she is doing something she wouldn’t want to do in front of you as mabe related to an inappropriate relationship with another person in a romantic way outside of your relationship or marriage.

So again, if she’s taking phone calls and… 

She’s having to go into other rooms and not wanting you to hear what those phone calls are about,  and she never comes back to say…

“Hey, that was Jill on the other line. I was talking to her about work stuff from earlier today.”

If she is not doing that then that is something you should pay attention to and ask questions.

“Who was that? Oh okay, you don’t want me to know?”

And make sure you keep the conversation light-headed if you are asking that question so you don’t shut her off.

Because again if you are too serious, you’re gonna take away the spark from your relationship and marriage in general.

You’re revealing yourself way too much and that’s more likely going to backfire and work completely against your purpose…

It’s going to come off as insecurity and that’s not attractive.

4th physical sign that your wife is cheating – She’s too paranoid to leave her phone.

So, if you’ve noticed that she’s always taking her phone everywhere she goes and that she is never, in recent times left the phone on the bed

….just hanging out there on the table.

She just seems like she hugs up on the phone and she holds on to it everywhere and every room she goes in the house, that could be a sign that she is hiding something.

That could also be a sign of cheating.

Now, we don’t know what she is hiding.  So as I’ve said always in this lesson, we don’t know what she is hiding but again… 

If you’ve noticed 3 or 4 other signs present in your relationship in recent times and you’re in fact feeling insecure about your relationship with your wife, then this is something that you should pay attention to.

“Why would I pay attention to it?”

Because again a lot of time as men, we get complacent.  We don’t pay attention.  We take things for granted.

And then you know, we may be losing our woman just like that without it necessarily being a matter of her being out to hurt you.

It’s just how life happens.

Again remember that energy is neither created nor destroyed.

So if you’re not giving to her and she finds herself in a situation where other people are giving to her; filling her love tank in an emotional way, you may end up losing your woman.

I would pay attention to this and find ways to attract her back to me.

Just in case you can relate to this, this is not a moment to accuse and attack her, this is your moment to figure out what is going on like…

“Yeah, there is something missing. Let me attract my woman back”.

Why would I do that?  Why would I need to give to her?

Because I know enough that whatever I give to women, she multiplies which means she will reciprocate in multiple folds.

So, with that being said, if she’s too paranoid to leave her phone around, that could be a sign that she’s cheating.

Keep in mind that it’s just a sign that you need to step up your game.

Could your wife just be a psychopath cheater?

Yes it could be but for the most part, that’s not the case.

We’re mostly human beings who are just trying to live and we need emotional validation a lot of times in the journey of life.

That goes for both men and women.

And in a marriage, things can get stale very fast.  We could get complacent.

5th physical sign that your wife is cheating – She’s expressed it verbally.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

She may have said things to you, such as, she’s no longer in love 

…or she is asking for space.

If she said things like that to you, you should take them seriously but that doesn’t necessarily mean to react to them.


Energy is neither created nor destroyed and if that’s the case, where is she pouring her affection?

It could be into another man

But it could also be because she’s feeling a void in her personal life or with respect to her career.

The point is that there could be so many other things outside of cheating but it could also be because she’s cheating on you.

And she may not be courageous enough to come to you and tell you… 

“I’m cheating” 

…and sometimes the way she would express that is in words… such as: 

“I’m no longer in love with you.”

“I love you but I am not in love with you anymore.”

Or she may outrightly ask you for… “I need some space”.

If you find yourself in this kind of situation, I know it can be a terrible feeling 

You should be aware that she may be cheating but ultimately you don’t want to look at it like that.

You want to look at it as your woman not feeling confident to be open enough to express herself to you.

Instead, think like this….

Maybe she has felt a void in her career or in her romantic life and she just doesn’t feel adequate.  She doesn’t like what she’s become even in your marriage.

Now, does that mean you should blame yourself?  Absolutely not!

Does that mean you should feel guilty? No!

It just means that if you care about this woman and your marriage and most importantly relationship with her, you probably should step up your game.

You should learn some skill set that will help you seduce and attract her back into your arms.

And it’s absolutely possible.

So those are the 5 physical signs that your wife may be cheating on you to look out for

Cheating in this context means she’s doing things with other people in a romantic way that she wouldn’t want you to find out about.

If this has been very helpful for you, you wanna download and get the book which is absolutely free by going to

What are signs your wife is cheating?

There are many signs that your wife is cheating but these signs; distraction, unexcited, and three other signs is being discussed in details.

How can you tell if your wife is seeing someone else?

If you are paying attention, your wife will show 3 of these 5 signs if she is seeing some someone else.

What are the signs of a guilty wife?

The signs of a guilty wife are behaviors that do not align with the connection that attracted her to her husband in the first place.

What to do if you suspect your wife is cheating?

If you suspect that you wife is cheating, your first step is to ensure that your insecurities are assessed before the next step which is to identifies the values that attract you to each other.


Question: “My wife wants a divorce how can I change her mind?” – 5 tips

I want to share 5 tips with you on getting the best chance to change her mind.

You know, at the end of the day, it’s not a 100% chance.

It’s never gonna be a 100% chance that you would change your mind.

But if you follow these 5 tips I’m about to share with you, you would dramatically increase the chances that she would change her mind.

Before I get into the 5 tips, there’s a quick story I want to share with you.

Just some few weeks ago, I was watching a review of a podcast that Lola and I were on as a guest.

There was a review.

We happen to make the top 5 of the podcast episodes on that podcast,

…and the husband and the wife, who is also a family friend, Bola and Mac were talking about the divorce that my wife asked for some years back.

And the husband was like, “I don’t think they put that out there like”,

…then the wife was like, “No”.

We did and the truth is that yes, we have spoken about our divorce.

We have mentioned it, and we in fact talked elaborately about it in the book, you can get the book for free at

We talked elaborately about that in our book, on many videos and I’m about to talk about it again right now.

The truth of the matter is that we have spoken about our divorce and we have to talk about the divorce because,

…what a lot of people do with marriage and divorce is that it becomes like a big demon in their lives and their relationship, and then it eats up the relationship.

And when you don’t have a relationship, essentially, you don’t have a marriage because marriage is just the institution, that’s the paper stuff.

But there’s an underlying relationship that happens before you can even have a healthy marriage.

That’s why I wanted to share these,

My wife wants a divorce, how can I change her mind? – 5 tips, with you really quickly.


Tip #1

You can’t change her mind, but your next moves will influence her final decision.

See, at the end of the day, we’re human beings.

We’re social beings and we are relating with each other on how safe we feel around each other.

And because of that, we do influence our own decisions.

Like the people around you, you know, you’ve heard that saying before,

… the top 5 people around you influence your decisions.

They influence your life, they influence the outcome of your life and so also is your marriage and your relationship.

That’s true for your marriage and your relationships as well.

Even though you can’t particularly change her mind, your next moves,

So I’m about to share 4 more tips on, My wife wants a divorce, how can I change her mind?

Your next moves will influence her final decision.

So let’s go on to,

Tip #2

Don’t put divorce on the pedestal.

Don’t make divorce a big of a deal than it is already.

Don’t make it a big of a deal than it is

It’s just divorce.

It just means somebody decides that they don’t wanna be a part of your life.

But it’s a decision that people can change their mind all the time.

So if you stick to Tip #1 like I said earlier,

Yes, she can change your mind based on the moves you’re gonna make.

Then again, don’t make divorce a big of a deal than it is.

It’s just at least in that moment in time, she hasn’t filed divorce yet.

It is just a decision, it is just “hey, I’m gonna ask for divorce”,it’s just a decision that can be changed.

Let me even tell you how good this is.

Even if she’s already filed for the divorce.

This was something that I learned that made it super easy for me to attract my wife back.

She had actually filed divorce before we got back together and the good news is that,

…the thing is that I had stumbled into stories of people that had filed divorce five years and they’ve been divorced for five years, they got back together.

I know people that have been divorced for a whole decade but they still got back together.

So if I know that all these possibilities are in place, the last thing I wanted to do was to put divorce on a pedestal.

Divorce is not as much of a big deal that people would like to make it seem.

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You know, a lot of religious people make divorce a big deal when they go to that part of the Bible where it says “God hates divorce”.

Think about the effect of that phrase on your mind.

It’s like, “Oh, God forbid

No, don’t do that.

Don’t put divorce on a pedestal.

God hates divorce, okay good but it’s a reality a lot of times.

Don’t make it a big deal.

The big deal here is the relationship you have with your wife.

You need to work on that.

That is faulty, and that’s the underlying reason why she’s asking for divorce.

Asking for divorce is a symptom you want to come back to the underlying reason.

What is the cause?

You’re worried about the effect, but let’s talk about the cause.

The cause is where you should be focused on.

In that same talking, I’m gonna give you

Tip #3

Don’t put marriage on a pedestal.

Marriage is cute and it’s beautiful when it’s nice but if you have a terrible relationship as the underlying structure of your marriage,

What’s the point?

So don’t put marriage on a pedestal.

I’d rather you focus on the relationship you have with your wife, than focusing on “God forbid, I don’t want the marriage to end”.

If you don’t want the marriage to end, that energy that you’re carrying around is gonna push your wife even further away.

Tip #4

Focus 100% on building yourself.

So not even the relationship, building yourself till you attract the love you desire.

And let me just add this, that you deserve.

If you focus on yourself, you will attract the appropriate type of love and it’s kind of easier if she’s already your wife.

She’s not gonna wanna let you go if you work on yourself and that’s a thought to show in your behaviors.

She’s not gonna wanna let you go.

So what you need to focus on 100% is building yourself.

There’s something about you that’s making you do the opposite of attracting your wife.

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Focus on that.

Work on that.

Don’t worry about changing her mind.

Worry about building yourself.

Tip #5

Be okay with the possibility of never attracting her again.

You see, there are forces beyond what you can see.

Especially when you’re dealing with relationships.

It’s a very spiritual thing.

So a lot of time you may think you want your wife back.

Maybe that’s not the case.

Maybe it’s just a matter of obsession that’s basically born out of the rejection.

Rejection breeds obsession.

So you may just not be able to see that clearly right now.

That’s why 100% of your focus needs to go into building yourself.

Because if she doesn’t belong in being your wife,

In that position of being your wife, she doesn’t need to be there.

But you may not be able to see that yet, because again you’re feeling obsessed.

You’re obsessed because of the rejection.

So again those are the 5 tips for, My wife wants a divorce, how can I change her mind?

if this is the right person for you, you will attract her back into a better and healthier relationship,

…which is also a better and healthier marriage if you just focus on yourself.

“How To APOLOGIZE To Your WIFE” – 7 Tips

Question: “How To APOLOGIZE To Your WIFE” – 7 Tips

You’ve offended your wife.

Things have happened.

Her feelings are hurt and you wanna apologize to your wife?

It could be anything from as simple as you hurt her feelings, you’re dismissive, you argue too much to infidelity.

Like something terribly bad.

Some kind of betrayal, betrayal of trust.

You know, whatever it is that’s going on.

There is some kind of crisis going on in your marriage and you feel the need to apologize to your wife right now.

Before I get into the 7 tips, there’s a quick story I want to show with you.

There’s a guy, a popular musician in Nigeria called Nice.

Basically he came out on the scene, some few weeks ago and he recorded a video, some two minutes video apologizing to his wife.

Then asking all 300,000 of his followers to help him apologize to his wife and then asked people to tag his wife.

He actually put the Instagram handle and asked people to tag his wife and help him apologize because he did something terrible.

And then we came to find out that what he did was that he cheated on his wife.

It’s actually a viral video that was floating all over the place of him serenading, grabbing the breast of another girl, a side chick if you will.

I guess that video came out and the wife is now shut down and I think, left the house and things like that.

Now, as soon as I saw that video, I knew that that was a wrong move.


And why is that the wrong move?

I’m gonna share 7 tips with you and in these 7 tips, you would know that that’s in fact the wrong move.

It’s actually a work against him, his relationship and marriage more than do any kind of favor.

Now a lot of people, especially even ladies, saw that and they thought that was romantic.

You hear people saying “it’s very rare to see a man that will actually admit they’re wrong and actually apologize

While there may be some truth to that, that move of shooting the video, adding background music and apologizing to your wife publicly is the wrong move.


Tip #1

Never tender apologies after a betrayal (especially publicly), without taking the time to do the work.

So think about it,

if you are tendering an apology, your wife just found out that you offended her.

There is the need to fix things immediately, but that immediate need to fix things is emotional.

It’s purely emotional and you haven’t done any work.

It’s reactional.

You’re just reacting to the idea that you may have hurt your wife or that you hurt your wife.

Anytime you react in that way without putting proper thoughts behind it, a.k.a. the work behind the scenes,

It’s gonna work against you.

Your apology, in fact, is probably not authentic because again, you haven’t really processed what just happened.

You haven’t processed how you may have been wrong.

Your wife told you you’re wrong, maybe you’re not exactly wrong.

Maybe it’s not about right and wrong.

Maybe you’re wrong.

Whichever one it is, you haven’t taken the time to work on yourself.

So any kind of apology you tender is in fact fake and is more of a response than it is an authentic apology.

Tip #2

The best apology is always 100% changed behavior.

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Again, changed behavior does not happen overnight.

It’s not gonna happen because your wife caught you.

So that’s when you see people say, “Are you apologizing before, because you’re caught? or because you’re actually truly remorseful?”.

It is almost impossible to be remorseful when you get caught like that, because again, you haven’t processed it.

Tip #3

Most people who tender apology are doing so as a form of quick fix, and your victim (especially ladies), can smell a bad apology from thousands of miles away.

I think we’re just going in circles now.

It’s the same thing.

It’s a quick fix.

Apology that represents more of a quick fix will hurt your relationship, it will make the other person feel manipulated more than it to actually help anything.

Tip #4

You can have good intentions and still tender a bad apology.

Yes, your intentions are good.

You really want to just fix things.

You just want her to feel better, but she’s not gonna feel better..

Again, because you haven’t allowed her time to process what just happened,

…you haven’t processed what just happened.

All that happened is that you got caught.

Take the time off.


So I understand that you feel bad, but feeling bad is not a changed behavior.

Like I said in tip #2, it’s not a changed behavior.

Good intention is not the same thing as good apology.

Good intention is not the same thing as changed behavior.

A changed behavior, when we’re talking about behavior, we’re not talking about habits and to change habits will take work.

In fact, an average habit takes 90 days of intense work on yourself before you can actually change a habit and behavior.

Tip #5

If you truly will change your behavior sustainably, If you want a lasting change of behavior, the change will be a function of time and patience.

It takes time and patience.

You can’t possibly be apologizing and think that your apology is authentic because you got caught.

You got caught, you feel bad is different from you feeling authentically remorseful.

You haven’t processed it.

In fact, you may have some resentments in yourself, but because your wife has rejected you right now, you just wanna be very quick to apologize.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that.

Tip #6

Public apologies only create more embarrassment for the victims.

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Especially when we’re talking about a celebrity.

But honestly, across board public apologies are just terrible.

They embarrass the victim a lot more than it actually makes them feel better because again they feel some type of embarrassment.

They are a little bit ashamed of what just happened but now you’re making it public,

…you’re not helping things.

That’s another reason why it must be a function of time and patience.

Because if you took the time, you would have thought that all the way through that “Hey, I know I have offended her but the worst thing that can do right now is to embarrass her even further”.

So you don’t want to do that.

Tip #7

Tender apology only after taking some time to process whatever happened,

Take the time.

It must be a function of time and patience.

But there’s an exception.

If your victim expresses an explicit request for an apology, if they’re saying “you owe me an apology”.

If you feel like you’ve offended them, then basically they’ve processed it enough to say, “Hey, you owe me an apology”.

You can say “I apologize”, keep it simple.

You don’t need to do that over and over again.

Again, the best thing you can do is take the time and patience and do the work that you need to do on changing the behavior and the habits.

If you’re not ready to do that, your apology is only gonna create more toxicity in your relationship or in your marriage.

It’s only gonna make things worse.

And you’re gonna build more resentments for every time you offend that same person in the same way, over and over again.

The resentment is just gonna get worse and worse.

So that’s how to apologize to your wife.

Time and patience.

Take the time and patience to work on yourself and work on changed behavior.

“Am I VERBALLY ABUSIVE To My Wife” – 5 Tips

So there are 5 tips I want to share with you to determine the answer to that question,

But before I get into that, there is a quick story that I wanna tell you.

I came across a video on YouTube by a gentleman called Kevin Samuels and apparently,

…he basically advised young ladies, single ladies, and people in general about relationships…and that’s cool.

I think we still need more people helping people like that.

We see more of negative videos with regards to relationships that people find more entertaining

Which actually ends up hurting their relationships.

I’m talking about reality TV shows and things like that.

So any time I see somebody helping people with learning how relationships work, I like it ultimately.

But I encountered the viral video from him where he was seemingly bashing this lady heavily.

He was very rude.

A lot of time people engage in the blunt language,

… talmbout’, they speak blunt.

As a matter of fact, I was on the new social media platform in the past few days, called Clubhouse,

…and I heard quite a few people who were thinking that the way to a healthy relationship is communication.

I’m not disputing that it’s communication, but what most people consider communication is just talking and being blunt,

or “setting the expectation” or “setting the intentions” and boundaries.

These are things that kill attraction if you have overdose of expressing them… extreme ideologies has a way of killing attraction.

So with that being said, Are You verbally abusive to your wife?


There’s a good chance that you are feeling like you’ve been communicating,

…and in fact,

You’ve been killing the vibe and the relationship with your wife by being the “communicator”; basically the talkative of the relationship.

Believe me when I tell you this, I am the one that’s considered the communicator or the talkative in our relationship and marriage.

I don’t think so, but at least my wife considers to be true.

What I find is that it really doesn’t matter if I feel like I’m not the talkative.

What matters is…

Tip #1- It’s her opinion.

If she feels like you’re verbally abusive, that’s as valid as it gets.

The feelings have to be validated by paying attention to it and see how you can adjust things in a positive direction,

Because the feelings are powerful enough to determine the direction of your relationship with your wife.

So Tip#1 – It’s her opinion.

You have to listen to it, pay attention to it and see what she’s trying to say even if you disagree with it.

See what kind of action you have been taking that makes her feel like you’re talking too much or verbally abusive.

If you do that, it doesn’t mean you are agreeing that you are verbally abusive.

It just means you’re paying attention to whatever she is interpreting as “verbal abuse” and then you can fix that.

You can adjust or pivot accordingly because at the end of the day you care about the relationship.

That’s why you are asking if you are verbally abusive to you wife.

Tip #2 – You need a full tank of patience.

Towards the end of that Kevin Samuels’ viral video, he actually lost his cool and hung up on the lady.

And I know this is not his wife.

But in my opinion, if you are going to win in your relationship with your wife, you have to treat ladies in general with a certain level of respect and patience.

Much more importantly, the patience.

You can’t lose your cool, if you lose your cool,

…you can at least say

If you don’t mind, let me take care of some business and we’ll come back to this conversation later

You have to be polite with the way you dismiss the situation if you have to dismiss the situation.

Sometimes it’s true that you have to dismiss the conversation because you feel like it’s just not getting anywhere.

But you wanna be polite about it.

Particularly, you don’t want them to feel like you dismiss them.

This is something I’m personally still working on.

Sometimes, I just don’t want the toxic argument and I come off as dismissive.

It’s an art, it’s not an exact science.

Somethings… you have to learn with respect to the particular person you’re dealing with and their personality.

Tip #2 – You wanna make sure you engage these conversations with a full tank of patience; Infinite patience.

You can’t lose your cool.

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Tip #3 – Engage active listening.

If your lady accuses you of being verbally abusive, the first quick step to really nibbling that in the bud is to stop talking.

Stop talking so much even if your intentions is to correct.

There’s a lot of people that just have good intentions in wanting to correct something, and it comes off as verbal abuse and controlling behavior.

Remember tip #1, if it comes off as abusive, controlling and manipulative, then it is what it is…

Because it’s a relationship…

And just 50% is all you need to make that a full blown opinion that would control the dynamics and the direction of your relationship.

So instead of talking so much, don’t just shut up because that would be dismissive,

Engage active listening.

And I would say, repeat what she’s saying back to her and ask her to tell you more.

Tip #4 – Abuse is very likely unintentional.

There’s a lot of abuse going on in relationships and marriages.

And many times, they’re just unintentional…

Nobody (most people don’t) come(s) into a marriage with the intention of being abusive.

But sometimes when we lose our cool or the way we conduct ourselves in the middle of a crisis,

…we’ll come off as abusive to the other person

But keep in mind, there’s a crisis going on.

What you will find in a lot of relationships and marriages is that people are basically in the middle of normal engagement with a partner when they tend to end up with a crisis,

When everybody has lost their cool and there’s an active argument, fighting and bickering going on, then clearly nothing is intentional.

Everything is reactive and that’s not what you wanna do.

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Tip #5 – Reverse engineer corrections into her idea.

Like I said earlier, a lot of times the intention is to correct something that you feel maybe wrong.

But your intentions are overrated. In fact, your action is being received as verbally abusive.

And if it’s been received by 50% of the relationship as verbally abusive, unfortunately, I have to tell you that it is probably verbal abuse.

At least for now, it’s the feeling that counts. If your partner feels like it is verbally abusive, it is verbally abusive.

So instead of trying to correct and engaging in blunt languages to correct your partner as it comes, find ways to reverse engineer your corrections into her idea.

So how do you do that?

You need to learn how to ask quality questions.

There are questions that you will ask and you think they’re quality but they’re actually coming off as manipulative and condescending.

You want to avoid those types of questions and really master the skills of asking quality questions.

So things like…

So are you saying that I come off a little bit abusive?

I’m sorry to hear that.”

I didn’t mean to be abusive”.

Can you tell me what that looks like when I’m abusive because there’s a good chance I’m not aware that I’m being abusive?”

See, if you talk in that calm manner repeatedly…not just one time…

She will start feeling safer around you.

And then she will also give you a lot more passes even when you’re upset because you’re still a human being.

But right now, the work is gonna be on your part in order to reverse all that “verbally abusive” negative energy.

You want to reverse that, put in some work and be consistent until she starts feeling safer with you again,

…but I’m telling you right now, there’s a good chance that you were just being blunt.

That’s why Blunt is a terrible way of communicating in a relationship.

Listening is the best route to effective communication.

Less talking can sometime be the best way to communicate, especially if you’re a man trying to communicate with your wife.