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Hate is a very strong word but the “up and down” feelings that come with marriage can be extreme sometimes.
Also hate is the polar opposite of the same passion you probably felt when you first fell in love with that stranger.
So it probably makes sense that it feels like “hate” at some point after the initial fake love in-love experience wears off.
The good news, in a twisted weird way, is that your relationship with your husband sounds pretty normal considering that…
About 50% of marriages in any society end up in shambles.
Additional goods news is that you can do something about it with the understanding you will get from this lesson today.
Feeling like your husband hates you is most likely an exaggerated version of the reality of what your marriage is going through right now.
Nevertheless, your feelings are valid enough for us to discuss in this lesson.
Where did you get the idea that your husband hates you from?
There are 2 possible ways…
1. He actually said it loud and audibly.
2. His actions reflect that of a person who hates you.
Either way, I want you to relax as we go through 13 signs that can make your husband say he hates you or make you feel that he hates you.
Keep in mind that if he actually hates you, he wouldn’t need to tell you. Most likely, he would be more indifferent than expressing it passionately with words.
Let’s talk about 3 situations that most people consider “for sure” common reasons for a husband to hate the wife.
My Husband Hates Me Because I Cheated
PREVIOUS POST: 5 Physical Signs Your Wife is Cheating
If you’ve cheated on your husband, “hate” is an understatement to the blow he has received to the head and the trauma that he feels.
He may have even expressed himself as…
“I hate you.”
But like I said earlier…
If he is saying it, then he doesn’t necessarily mean it. That’s more of the rage as a result of the betrayal.
So if you focus on the idea that he hates you, you will miss it.
Instead, your focus should be on building trust back and it’s very doable but also very hard; so, much patience will be required.
My Husband Hates Me After I Cheated
The aftermath of infidelity is a big uphill battle but can be highly rewarding if you make it through to the other side.
You would have literally survived what most of society consider to be the worst that a relationship, especially a marriage, can go through.
It is absolutely doable if you are determined and are willing to learn a new way of life.
It has nothing to do with how sorry you are but everything to do with a changed behavior, habits, consistency and patience with yourself.
My Husband Hates Me After Baby Arrival
I encourage you to consider the fact that a new baby arrival into the family is a temporary situation.
In order to truly see it as such, you need to be patient with not just your husband but with yourself and allow the universe to settle things for you.
Attraction levels between you and your husband can drop right after a new baby for many reasons beyond hormonal imbalance.
But again, these things are temporary.
Stressing over them can then become lasting problems and resentments if care is not taken.
I would encourage you to focus on motherhood, give when and what you can into the relationship and allow him time to adjust.
What if you don’t know if and/or why your husband hates you?
These 13 additional cases and signs below will definitely put you in that weird position.
You may be seeing these negative signs and not know what to do.
So I will share some tips to create best chances to replace the hate feelings with joy.
1, Constant Need for Validation
Your husband is obviously someone you care about dearly.
So you may have naturally built a level of attachment to his opinions and his feelings… in fact, you have built a need to use them to validate you.
But this can also create unrealistic expectations from another human being.
If he falls short on validating your feelings, it can translate to a feeling that he hates you.
2, Making excuses for him
If you’ve ever felt safe with your husband, you will create a habit of defending him or making excuses for him… that’s okay.
But when you start to feel that he hates you, you will probably try to overcompensate by further explaining the reasons for his bad behaviors.
But there is a problem with that; it is not sustainable.
It’s only natural to feel that your husband hates you if he is actively engaged in infidelity or extra marital affairs with another woman.
But the reality is that he is a weak man who has resorted to disrespecting your relationship and you should not be making excuses for him.
He doesn’t necessarily hate you. He is more so engaged in dishonorable behavior due to selfishness.
I understand it hurts but the idea that he is doing it because he hates you is cheap. It’s a bigger and a self-sabotaging problem to explore.
Abusive behaviors can come as verbal, emotional, mental or physical.
When you are on the receiving end of this from a person that once loved you, you may find yourself interpreting it as hate from them.
Unfortunately, a person that loves you can hurt you without necessarily meaning to hurt or hate you; it’s deeper than intentions.
A man that wouldn’t let you get away with being right even when you are wrong in a debate can also shoot off the vibe that he hates you.
Why won’t he be “man enough” to allow you to be his lady without holding your feet down on every word?
Maybe he doesn’t hate you… just maybe he is simply petty and childish; something to consider.
If your husband is just too tired and frustrated with the idea of communicating with you in love and kindness, he would settle for sarcastic remarks.
When a person is in true love, that package comes with patience and kindness so it’s little to no wonder why you may be wondering…
Does he hate you?
He may also use a bad attitude to ask you condescending questions that he already has answers for.
This is a sign that he is not in love with you but he may still very much love you.
If he hates you, he would not be engaged in any communication with you.
Condescending remarks are signs of terrible communication skills.
A sexless marriage can make you start to feel that you are alone in the marriage.
Sex and intimacy are what differentiate a marriage from other types of relationships.
So if you have not engaged effective and successful communication about the lack of intimacy, you are in the darkness.
It is then only natural to wonder if your husband hates you so much that he doesn’t want it with you; you start to question his love.
Complacency has its way of creeping into every marriage at some point.
The excitement of newness evaporates and then you can either feel it as hate from your husband…
Or you can tackle it as what it is… naturally taking each other for granted.
Nonetheless, it is still a form of falling out of love but not necessarily “hate.”
10, No Quality Time
In the beginning, your husband couldn’t wait to spend quality time with you but he has since pulled back into a corner.
You, on the flip side, are forced to wonder if he hates you because of a series of events such as arguments, fights, etc.
11, No Respect
Behaviors that indicate lack of respect from your husband for, not “you” in particular, but for your relationship is obviously being received by you as an individual.
To you, that can come off as “does he hate me?”.
As I have said, “hate” is a very strong word and the feeling of it doesn’t always correlate with absence of love and respect.
Distance, they say, makes the heart fonder but I am guessing that’s not what you bargained for when you got into a marriage.
Why would your husband want distance from you… ever? This is a stage in most relationships that can be quite frustrating
13, Manipulative & Controlling
Manipulation and controlling behaviors from your husband obviously doesn’t feel like love.
So if it’s not love, then it must be hate. Right?
I wish it was that simple but it’s not.
When your husband only sees from his point of view like most other immature people, they will exude narcissistic and selfish behavior.
It’s mostly never an intentional behavior.
It’s a common behavior from men after getting married. They tend to put their feet up and relax; not paying as much attention to how you feel and your desires.
And of course, this behavior can start to make you feel unheard and unloved.
Does “feeling unloved” equals “hate?
Maybe not but it’s a sign you should consider taking seriously as a sign that you are on “low” with the love tank.
How do you stop feeling like your husband hates or get him to stop hating or hating on you?
Use this 5-steps sequential solution to attract your husband back to loving you again.
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel
It all starts by gaining enough courage to initiate conversation about how you’re feeling.
Focus less on what he has done and more on how you are feeling when expressing yourself.
The idea is to get him to understand you without making him feel attacked and/or triggering defensiveness.
If he’s like most men, he may feel attacked and naturally get defensive; you have to stand your ground but much wisdom is required.
If talking to your husband and expressing that you feel as though he hates you doesn’t work, there is a chance talking won’t ever work.
You should ask him to collaborate in seeking the counsel of a trusted professional who can mediate and interpret communication between the 2 of you.
It is also okay to seek counseling by yourself if your husband is not interested… after all, it’s for “you” to attract love and happiness again.
If communication and counseling has failed in helping you solve this dilemma of potential hatred between you and your husband,
It is now very important for you to consider that you have habits that are attracting this terrible energy.
It’s not necessarily a “fault” or responsibility but it should be identified so that you can use it as leverage.
This is especially true if you were at least attracted to each other at some point.
Coaching is a much more extensive solution which often includes counseling but goes beyond just solving your present crisis.
It also equips you for handling inevitable future conflicts and crisis in your marriage
Sometimes in life, it has to crash all the way down to ground zero in order to build a new foundation of love with or without your present husband.
My hope is, of course, that you will be able to rekindle and get your husband to love you or make you feel loved again.
But distance does make the heart fonder and it’s not always a bad thing to back off and allow love and attraction to rebuild itself just like the day when the affair was tender.
Entertaining the idea of separation can create your best chances of seducing your husband back into your love world.
The same thing applies to divorce.
There are many couples that get back together even after many years after officially filing for divorce.
The moral of the story is to not make divorce more of a big deal than it is.
Focus on whatever you need to do to seduce and build attraction back into the underlying relationship with your husband.
For more lessons like this, go to LOLAandOLA.com
And to download our free book, go to GetMyMarriageBack.com
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
What to do if husband hates you?
What to do will depend on you particular story and here is what not to do… Don’t overreact. This lesson has 13 signs to look out for and what to do with some specific scenarios.
How do you know if your husband hates you?
This lesson has 13 signs to look out for and what to do with some specific scenarios.
Why does my husband hate me so much?
As you have rightly stated, there are underlying issues that can make you feel like your husband hates you. Here are just a few 13 signs with some solutions.