“I don’t love you anymore.” The point of no return right?
Chris did not see this one coming…
But with the amount of cases and marriage issues that we review from time to time, these issues do not just fall out of the skies.
So I asked Chris,
“Are you telling me that your wife has never complained before telling you she doesn’t love you anymore?”
Then he goes…
“I mean… she’s complained about a few minor things that were no big deals. Why are women inconsiderate with reality though?”
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I asked him if he asked the question exactly like that to his wife.
He went on and on about how she nagged constantly about quality time.
“So what do you want Chris?” I asked,
He said, “I need her to stop nagging because frankly, I’ve got bills to worry about.”
So I asked… “You don’t care about seducing her into falling in love with you again?”
“Seduction? What are we? Teenagers?”
And then I answered with another question…
“Do you want an answer to that or do you want to reverse this terrible experience with your marriage?”
Like many people in modern marriages, Chris is confused and we want to share the 5 steps we shared with him to reverse
“I don’t love you anymore.”
My name is LOLA and I am the co-author of the book
GET MY MARRIAGE BACK
…with my husband OLA
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…which you can download for free at:
You will also see an opportunity to book a coaching session with us.
This is OLA…
Step 1 – Accept It
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The usual confusion here is when people feel like accepting reality equals agreement to being wrong or to the experience they are trying to avoid.
If you feel this way, you are essentially focused on the wrong thing.
You would be actively defending yourself but not your relationship.
The reason why you should accept reality is because it is reality; it simply is.
It will also conclude this phase of the present funk a lot quicker than being stubborn about nothing.
I know like most people, you probably have a corrupted version of reality.
Can you at least accept the reality of the fact that your partner just expressed that they are no longer in love with you?
When your spouse comes to you and tells you he or she is no longer in love with you, the easiest route to take for most humans is to get defensive.
So it’s key in this key moment to rise above the norm and by doing so, your spouse will wonder and that’s the equivalent to building attraction back.
That is a scientific fact.
Accept it because frankly, you cannot claim that your spouse had not been complaining if your case is like the typical cases that we review daily.
Simply respond with…
“I understand. Let me know if and when you are ready to talk and work on it.”
This is easier said than done but it works like magic.
Step 2 – Listen
Most people have talked their spouse to death of attraction all in the name of communication.
The purpose of listening is not just to hear your spouse out. It’s a lot more spiritual and deeper than hearing.
In fact, the purpose is to make him or especially her feel heard and safe again.
So for step 2, I want you to listen with an intention to seduce and make him or her feel heard.
I want you to mimic what your spouse is saying back to him or her like this.
“So I am hearing you say, you feel I haven’t been as considerate as I used to be?
Tell me more… Really… wow”
You are effectively investing interest into your partner that they will inevitably return back to you in folds in time.
If your spouse is especially used to you often feeling attacked and defensive, this will create a new and exciting dynamic to make them wonder what is happening.
That’s equivalent to seduction and building attraction back up.
Effective seduction and communication is 80% active listening, 10% ensuring understanding with your words and 10% sharing how you feel.
If your spouse doesn’t feel heard, they are simply not capable of truly hearing how you feel anyway.
I know what you are thinking.
“So my feelings don’t matter?”
Step 3 – Identify Why
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The worst thing you want to do is get stuck in your feelings and apply too much energy into reacting to your feeling (the symptom) and abandoning the underlying disease right?
We also know that you are in love or obsession because rejection breeds obsession. This is a scientific fact again.
When a person says to you that they are no longer in love with you, it’s easy to interpret that as the absence of love because it feels like a smack to the face.
This experience can also give you an illusion that you are in love.
The in-Love experience is more of a “feeling” of affection… even if your spouse is telling you straight up that they hate you.
That is still an expression of passion and evidence of caring… at least about something that involves the both of you.
What you don’t want is for your spouse to be indifferent.
That will be the true point of no return.
So it is actually natural that a person that may have been with you over a period of time will occasionally fall in and out of love.
How much more if he or she has been complaining of bad experience at any level over a period of time?
If your spouse is a human being like the rest of us, falling out of love is actually very natural especially if they’ve not been feeling heard or significant in your relationship.
It may even have nothing to do with you.
Falling out of love is just how he or she feels “at this moment”.
Avoid making it a bigger deal than it is.
Instead, assess the data you collected during your listening exercise and focus on identifying the “why” and the role you played in deteriorating the attraction level in your marriage.
Remember, it’s not a matter of FAULT… This is seduction.
I have to share the 2 most important steps with you.
But note that in the next lesson, I will share more about seduction, effective listening, collecting data and turning them to useful information (a.k.a THE WHY).
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Thank you so much in advance.
So what else?
Step 4 – Adjust
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You go to a relationship to give; not give and take. I know you are probably hearing that for the first time but trust me.
Adjusting doesn’t mean that you are succumbing to a lesser role. It actually means you are “leading” and seducing your spouse back in love with you.
The idea is not to become another person.
It’s more so about engaging the existing power that you already have in that relationship in a way that benefits the relationship.
What needs to be adjusted is how you show up so that you can attract better love experience and expression.
Step 5 – Patience
It took time to get here. It will take time to get him or her to fall back in love with you.
How long?
It depends on a few factors but what you should focus on is becoming a better self that will attract a better in-love and real love experience.
You can’t afford to pour from an empty cup; you will get burnt out and your partner will unintentionally test you a few times before feeling safe and secure again.
Watch the in-love experience creep back into your relationship slowly but surely.
The Main Lesson
The more engaged in your personal purpose and life mission you are, the easier this process will be.
As we’ve said, this process will be tested.
So spiritual strength, personal purpose and self development are necessary ingredients for smooth recovery from “I don’t love you anymore.”
Watch the next video on the screen for more about that.