Rules of No Contact

What is the No Contact Rule?

The No Contact Rule is a commonly recommended solution to various problems in the immediate aftermath of a breakup. This is a time when emotions can run high and fluctuate wildly, so it is often a good time for some distance between you and your ex. This can help you take some time to think about what it is you really want.

The rule is commonly set at 30 days, although it can be shorter in some cases or even go on permanently in others. During this time, ex-partners may avoid all forms of contact, whether face-to-face or over the phone, text, or social media. Some couples may even block each other on social media sites.

The specific rules can vary among different people, but the key feature is limiting communication.

How To Start No Contact?

If you have been contacting your ex regularly since the breakup, the best way to start no contact is to just stop contacting them.

If your ex has been initiating contact with you on and off, you should let them know that you intend to take some space from them and that you want them to stop contacting you for a while. You should be honest about why you are doing this, that is, to help you heal from the breakup and get some perspective.

The signs that the No Contact Rule is working might be confusing. You are unlikely to see all of these signs, but more than one or two may well signal that things are working out the way you would like.

1. You get a text from your ex

Of course, if you suddenly get a text from your ex, he has clearly been thinking about you for some reason. If he says that he is missing you, you can be sure that the No Contact Rule has worked. However, it is more likely that if your ex reaches out to you, the reasons will be less obvious.

If he asks you vaguely, “how are you doing?” he may be checking up to see if you are okay, or he may be trying to test the water with a general conversation. Either way, he is probably aware that breaking the No Contact Rule may signal that he thinks about you. Your ex-boyfriend clearly feels that contacting you is still important enough to be worth doing.

2. Your ex posts about you on social media

If your ex-boyfriend posts about you on social media, it can be a sign that he is thinking about you. This can take the form of a comment on one of your posts, or even just a “like” on something you have put up.

It can also be a sign that he is trying to get your attention by posting something that he knows you will see. This might be a photo of the two of you together, or even just a status update about something that you have in common.

3. Your ex talks about you to mutual friends

If your ex-boyfriend is talking about you to your mutual friends, this can be a sign that he is thinking about you. He may be sharing things in order to get them off of his chest, or perhaps he does not want to keep this relationship secret from the people who already know you both.

If your ex-boyfriend talks about your breakup with other people, it can be a sign that he is not over you yet. He may be hoping for sympathy from others, or he could even be trying to make you jealous by talking about other women.

4. Your ex-boyfriend stares at you

If your ex-boyfriend stares at you, this can be a sign that he is still thinking about you. It may be that he is a little obsessed with you and simply can’t take his eyes off of you.

However, it is also possible that your ex-boyfriend is simply trying to figure out if there is any chance that you might still be interested in getting back together. If your ex feels like he has missed an opportunity, or if he is simply not ready to let go of this relationship, then a lingering stare may be the sign that you need.

5. Your ex-boyfriend asks mutual friends about you

If your ex-boyfriend asks mutual friends about you, it can be a sign that he is thinking about you and wants to know how things’ are going. This may be a sign that he is trying to keep tabs on you, or it could mean that he simply wants some kind of connection with you.

There are many possible reasons why your ex-boyfriend might ask mutual friends about you, so it is important not to jump to conclusions too quickly. However, if this seems like a pattern, it may be a sign that he is not ready to move on just yet.

6. Your ex-boyfriend tries to make you jealous

If your ex-boyfriend tries to make you jealous, it could be a sign that he is still thinking about you. He may be trying to get your attention by flirting with other women, or he could be trying to make you see that he is still attractive and desirable.

Your ex-boyfriend may also be trying to make you jealous in order to get a reaction out of you. If he is hoping that you will get angry or upset, it can be a sign that he is not over you yet.

7. Your ex-boyfriend sends you a DM

If your ex-boyfriend sends you a message on social media, it can be a sign that he is thinking about you. He may simply want to get in touch to chat and catch up, or he could be trying to gauge your feelings by asking if you would like to meet up.

This could also be a sign that your ex-boyfriend is trying to start a conversation with you in order to see if there is any chance of getting back together. If he is asking about your life and how you are doing, it may be a sign that he still cares about you.

8. Your ex-boyfriend likes your posts

If your ex-boyfriend likes your posts on social media, it can be a sign that he is still thinking about you. He may be interested in what you are doing and how you are feeling, or he could simply be trying to get your attention.

Liking your posts can also be a way for your ex-boyfriend to start a conversation with you. If he leaves a comment on one of your posts, it may be a sign that he wants to talk to you.

9. Your ex-boyfriend texts you

If your ex-boyfriend texts you, it can be a sign that he is thinking about you. He may simply want to talk to you and catch up, or he may be interested in getting back together.

Texting can also be a way for your ex-boyfriend to gauge your feelings. If he is asking how you are doing and what you have been up to, it may be a sign that he still cares about you.

10. Your ex-boyfriend calls you

If your ex-boyfriend calls you, it can be a sign that he is thinking about you. He may want to talk to you and catch up, or he may be interested in getting back together.

Calling can also be a way for your ex-boyfriend to gauge your feelings. If he is asking how you are doing and what you have been up to, it may be a sign that he still cares about you.

Benefits of Using the No Contact Rule

1. The No Contact Rule can help you take a step back and gain some much-needed perspective. During this time, you can focus on yourself and your own well-being, instead of obsessing over your ex-boyfriend.

2. The No Contact Rule gives you some space to reflect on the relationship and why it ended. This can help you gain a better understanding of the issues that may have led to the breakup, and it can help you work through any negative emotions or lingering doubts.

3. The No Contact Rule gives your ex-boyfriend time to reflect on the relationship as well. This can be a good thing because it gives him a chance to miss you and realize that he wants to get back together.

4. The No Contact Rule can help you avoid any further drama or conflict with your ex-boyfriend. If you are constantly arguing or fighting, it can be very difficult to move on and ell. By taking some space, he may be able to cultivate a more positive attitude towards you.

5. The No Contact Rule can help you focus on your own happiness. This is a time to focus on yourself and your own needs, without worrying about your ex-boyfriend. By taking care of yourself, you will be in a better place emotionally and mentally, which can make it easier to get over your ex and move on with your life. Ultimately, the benefits of the No Contact Rule are many, and it can be a powerful tool for anyone going through a breakup. If you are thinking about trying this strategy yourself, just remember to stay positive and stay focused on your own needs.

What is self-respect?

Self-respect is the ability to value and treat yourself with dignity and respect. It involves having a positive view of yourself and trusting in your abilities, as well as honoring your own needs and desires. Other aspects of self-respect include respecting others, standing up for yourself, speaking your mind, and taking care of yourself physically and emotionally.

Tips to develop and show self-respect

1. Develop a positive view of yourself

One of the most important things you can do for your self-respect is to develop a positive view of yourself. This means believing in your own abilities and trusting that you are capable of achieving your goals. It also involves accepting yourself for who you are, flaws and all. If you have trouble developing a positive view of yourself, try spending some time each day doing things that make you feel good about yourself, such as practicing self-care, working on a passion project, or spending time with loved ones.

2. Speak your mind and stand up for yourself

Another key aspect of self-respect is being willing to speak your mind and stand up for yourself. This means having the confidence to share your opinions and beliefs, even if they are different from others. It also means knowing when to say “no” and setting boundaries with others. If you find it difficult to speak up for yourself, try practicing in less challenging situations first, such as with friends or family members. Once you feel more confident, you can start speaking up in more difficult situations.

3. Honor your needs and desires

In order to show self-respect, it is important to honor your own needs and desires. This means listening to your gut instinct and following your heart, even if it means going against the grain. It also involves being kind to yourself and prioritizing your well-being, both physically and emotionally.

4. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally

In addition to honoring your needs and desires, it is essential to take good care of yourself on a physical and emotional level. This means eating healthy foods, getting enough sleep each night, taking time for relaxation and hobbies, and seeking professional help if you are struggling with your mental health.

5. Respect others

Finally, showing self-respect also involves respecting others. This means treating others with kindness and consideration, even if you don’t agree with them. It also includes being open-minded and listening to others’ perspectives, even if they are different from your own. By developing and showing self-respect, you can cultivate healthier relationships with others and a more positive view of yourself.

Conclusion

The No Contact Rule is a commonly recommended strategy for dealing with various relationship challenges.

This can help you take some time to reflect on your feelings and priorities and decide if you really want to get back together with your ex-boyfriend.

However, if you do decide to reach out to your ex, it is important to be honest, patient, and understanding.

This may help you rebuild trust and restore your relationship over time, but there is no guarantee that this will happen. Ultimately, whether or not the No Contact Rule is right for you depends on a number of different factors, including the reasons for your breakup, how long it has been since the split, and what you are hoping to achieve by getting back together.

Can a relationship work after no contact?

There is no definite answer to this question, as the success of a relationship after no contact depends on a number of different factors. These can include how long it has been since the breakup, what led to the split in the first place, and what each partner hopes to achieve by getting back together. However, if you feel like no contact is the right strategy for you, it may help you to work through some of the challenges in your relationship and to improve your chances of getting back together with your ex-boyfriend.

What if I break the no contact rule?

Breaking the no contact rule can have negative consequences for your relationship, such as making it harder to rebuild trust and restore your connection with your ex-boyfriend. However, if you do break this rule unintentionally or by accident, there is no need to worry. Simply take some time to reflect on what happened and try to avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future.

Should I text him first after no contact?

The decision to text your ex-boyfriend first after no contact is a personal one, and there is no right or wrong answer. Ultimately, it depends on factors such as how long it has been since the breakup, what led to the split in the first place, and what you are hoping to achieve by getting back together.

How To Fix A Broken Relationship ~ 19 Things You Must Know

In this article, we will discuss how to fix a broken relationship even if it’s within a marriage.

May be you feel like all hope is lost… relax…. read this first.

Why Do Relationships Break Or Fail?

There are many reasons why relationships fall apart.

  • It could be that you and your partner have grown apart over time and now have different interests, goals, and values.
  • It could be that you’re unable to resolve conflict in a healthy way, or that one or both of you tend to withdraw or shut down when things get tough.
  • It could be that you have different ideas about how to handle finances, child-rearing, or other important life decisions.

Whatever the reason is, if you find yourself in a failing or broken relationship, it’s important to be intentional with your actions or lack there of.

Otherwise, the situation is likely to only get worse.

The simple truth is that we are humans.

We’re complicated.

And relationships between complicated humans are even MORE complicated.

#1. Trust Has Left The Building

The cement of your relationship is Trust. without it, your relationship will fail.

Trust issues are very common.

Trust issues usually start in our childhood.

We learn them in our families.

And then we bring them into our relationships.

When we stop trusting ourselves, we stopped trusting others.

And when we stop trusting others, we stop trusting ourselves.

Trust is a two-way street.

Some of the bad things that happen when you lose trust are:

  1. Infidelity
  2. Jealousy
  3. Anxious behavior
  4. Smothering
  5. Insecurities

And a whole lot more.

The first thing you need to do is to figure out whether your trust issues are because your partner is not trust-able

…OR these are anxiety and insecurity issues inside of you.

Then you have to work on getting reconnected to your partner.

I’ll tell you more about how to do that in a bit.

#2. Your Communication Sucks

This is another one of those very common reasons relationships start to fall apart.

If you’re not communicating well, then you’re not going to be able to meet each other’s needs.

You’re always going to have misunderstandings and a deep breakdown of connection.

Communication is one of the most important factors in a relationship because it’s how you navigate with your partner

If your communication isn’t in sync and compatible, you will definitely have problems.

And eventually, you will turn to a therapist or counselor to help you with them.

But chances are it will be too late.

Make sure you’re always working on your communication.

Not just with your romantic partner, but with everyone in your life.

#3. You are on different maps/timetables

Sometimes it just happens that we are on different time schedules, or in different places in our life.

The timing is just wrong.

It can be hard to see this when you want a relationship to work.

But sometimes the situation is out of your control and you just need to walk away.

And sometimes you meet in the same place but you’re going at different speeds.

So you fall out of step with each other.

He might be going slower, and you might be moving faster towards your relationship goals.

You have to decide for yourself if you’re willing and patient enough to go at your partner’s speed.

Sometimes this means you have different priorities at the moment.

You may want to start a family, but he wants to start a business.

This will be something you must navigate and negotiate along the way if you want it to work.

#4. You’re just not a match

Very frequently, I see couples that get together and start a relationship.

But they didn’t ever stop to really make sure the other person was right for them.

One or both of them was just desperate to get into a relationship as fast as they could.

So they threw their needs out the window and ignored how wrong this person was for them.

They might have been seeking relief from anxiety, or from loneliness. But for whatever reason, they didn’t choose well.

If each person in a relationship is completely healthy, then they could probably start a relationship with almost anybody.

But compatibility is a huge issue if you are not in a whole and healthy place with your own self-esteem and self-worth.

One of the biggest love myths out there is that love conquers everything.

The good news is, that there are relationship advice that you can execute to repair the damage.

fixing a broken relationship

#1. Talk about what’s going on

The first step is to talk about what’s wrong.

You need to express your feelings and needs in a way that is respectful and non-blaming.

If you can’t do that, I recommends seeing a therapist or counselor who can help you learn how to communicate effectively.

#2. Make time for each other

One of the biggest reasons relationships fail is because couples don’t make time for each other.

Life gets busy and before you know it, you’re living parallel lives under the same roof.

You need to make time for each other—time to talk, time to connect.

#3. Be willing to compromise

In any relationship, there are going to be times when you have to compromise.

You might not always get your way, but that’s OK.

The important thing is that you’re both willing to give a little.

#4. Learn to forgive

If you want your relationship to thrive, you need to learn to forgive.

We all make mistakes—we’re only human.

The key is to not hold onto the anger and resentment.

If you can learn to let go, it will do wonders for your relationship.

#5. Don’t take each other for granted

One of the easiest ways to kill a relationship is to take your partner for granted.

We all need to feel valued and appreciated.

If you stop doing the things that made your partner fall in love with you in the first place, don’t be surprised if they start to look elsewhere.

#6. Keep the romance alive

Another common mistake couples make is letting the romance die.

It’s important to keep the spark alive.

Do the things you used to do when you were first dating—go on dates, have fun together, show each other how much you care.

#7. Work as a team

In any relationship, it’s important to remember that you’re on the same team.

You’re in this together, so you need to work together to make it work.

That means being supportive, understanding, and helpful—even when you don’t feel like it.

#8. Don’t try to change each other

One of the biggest mistakes couples make is trying to change each other all in the name of duty and responsibility forgetting that it is a romantic relationship at the end of the day.

You need to accept each other—flaws and all.

If you can learn to love and accept each other just as you are, it will do wonders for your relationship.

#9. Communicate, communicate, communicate

If there’s one piece of advice that experts agree on, it’s that communication is key to a successful relationship… to put more accurately… EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION.

You need to be able to talk to each other—about everything.

The more you communicate, the closer you’ll become .

#10. Develop Listening Skills

It is impossible to avoid arguments in any relationship. 

And in those moments, it is equally impossible to prevent different perspectives of understanding right and wrong and ways of solving problems. 

In such circumstances, there is no limit on what is required to be said and heard by both parties, which is necessary.

Because sometimes, or most of the time, the conversation becomes so fierce that the very limit of speaking is violated.

Due to a lack of listening ability, you take some such steps in anger which directly damages the relationship. 

#11. Accepting the Circumstances and Your Partner

Circumstances can never be right and wrong in relationships.

Didn’t you see people coming together in bad times?

Haven’t you noticed people make or break in bad times? 

If you look at history, you will find hundreds of examples where people came together in worse conditions, whether WWI or WWII.

Whether it’s raising a voice against racism or sexism.

People always came together to face the storm and grow out of them. 

It is all up to our belief whether we can adapt to the circumstances or not. 

We should always learn from bad times and always make good use of good times.

That’s the key to getting along with your partner.

#12. The Initiative Is Crucial to Overcome Relationship Struggles

Whether your relationship is on the verge of breaking or you are going through many troubles, if you want to stay with your partner and feel that everything will be right after a while, then the initiative you take to repair your relationship is always proven effective. 

After a big fight, if you take the initiative and make your partner feel that they are more important than your needs, then believe that your initiative is commendable enough to strengthen your relationship.

The initiative will always be needed to keep the relationship successful and constantly fresh; a good initiative always brings closeness.

#13. Apologize To Restore the Relationship

One of the hallmarks of a bad relationship is that both sides see apologizing as their weakness, due to which they feel hesitant to apologize even if they want.

According to the study, ‘The Psychology of offering an Apology by Karina Schumann it’s proposed that the reasons why people hesitate to offer an apology or high-quality apologies are,

  1. Low concern for the victim or relationship,
  2. The perceived threat to self-image,
  3. And perceived apology ineffectiveness.

But, if you want to fix your relationship, you must rise above these barriers.

Because if you don’t, what you do is end the 1% scope of repairing a broken relationship. 

To cherish any relationship, it is as essential to apologize as to give forgiveness; it is precisely the same as washing and drying cloth.

Here, both water and sunlight make the cloth wearable.

Similarly, both apologizing and offering forgiveness make the relationship believable.

But be sure to be clear on why you are apologizing and ensure you’ve taken enough time to assess what went wrong; be intentional.

#14. Understand Your Moral, Social, and Personal Circle

Even though your relationship is going through a bad phase – facing trust issues, anxiety, separation, etc., if you are fulfilling your moral responsibility towards your partner, you are trying to take your relationship in the right direction. 

Here you have a sense of moral obligation and personal or social commitments. 

You know how to fulfill all these responsibilities well, then understand that you have almost saved your relationship from being ruined. 

Because responsibilities always give strength, courage, and the ability to understand right and wrong.

And if you have all this in you, you will not let anything go wrong.

#15. Be Sure to Give Opportunities to Build Trust to Improve the Relationship

Trust issues in a relationship can never blossom a tree of love.

Therefore, in a broken relationship, it is necessary to create such opportunities to build trust between both parties, which can instill a sense of confidence in both parties towards each other. 

And it’s not that it takes a lot of effort to build trust, it’s just small things that ensure that you have unwavering faith in your partner. 

For example, if you have life insurance and your partner is a nominee in it, or they are your partner in any of your big projects, or you take your partner’s advice for small household needs.

Now it comes to how do you determine the opportunities to build trust?

Well to build trust you need combined forces of different human fundamental aspects.

You cannot build trust all alone.

And the aspects are, 

  1. Transparency.
  2. Respect and…
  3. Loyalty.

Without these, it’s impossible to trust or build it in any given situation.

Let’s discuss each in detail. 

#16. Loyalty Is Essential to Keep Yourself Away From a Damaged Relationship

You have to be loyal to your partner to mend a deteriorating relationship because you must understand that hurting feelings will prove fatal for any relationship.

If you are lying to your partner or have a relationship with someone else, then understand that you are not paying attention to your partner’s needs

You don’t care if your infidelity can lead to your partner getting depressed and how bad the outcome will be.

If you are not loyal to your partner, then understand that you do not respect your relationship at all.

And where there is no respect, there’s no love.

And where there’s no love, there’s no relationship.

It has been destroyed.

Also, if you’re not loyal, you cannot expect your partner to be loyal.

Once you cross your line, they might probably cross as well. 

And thus, you’ve both entered the phase of a broken relationship.

#17. Controlling and Managing Your Expectations

If the ambition and expectations start exceeding the limit in any relationship, whether the relationship of friendship, husband-wife, or business, then understand that the seeds of condemnation, neglect, and hatred have been planted in that relationship. 

It is essential to regulate and control the expectations to live in harmony because the human mind always craves to get something new and thrilled.

And this craving starts to take away that person from his/her loved ones. 

The person begins to remain irritable… resentment

He starts to force his people to satisfy his craving which further gives birth to instability in the relationship. 

When his expectations don’t get fulfilled, he starts to blame his people.

Both the parties in the relationship should set their expectations according to their partner’s economic, social, and family situation.

This situation can be better controlled by mutual coordination.

#18. Do Not Take Any Wrong Decisions Under Stress or Anger

When the relationship starts deteriorating, it is natural for the person associated with that relationship to go into depression.

But can that person improve his relationship by making some wrong decisions due to depression? 

You should answer this.

What’s your mind saying?

What’s your first reaction? 

I believe it’s NO.

By taking a bad decision, you are harming yourself and the people you love.

Instead of fixing your relationship with one wrong decision, you are on the contrary worsening it even more. 

In a deteriorating relationship, the person makes some bad decisions, such as drinking or getting intoxicated, abusing the partner, harming them, trying to hurt himself, not showing respect to the people in the relationship, adopting bad habits, etc. 

Due to even more wrong decisions, a person tends to end the relationship forever.

And from there, it becomes tough to improve the relationship. 

Therefore, make every noble effort to fix your relationship with thoughtfulness so that your relationship becomes stronger… be intentional.

#19. Seek professional help

If you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to be working, it may be time to seek professional help.

A professional can help you learn how to communicate effectively, resolve conflict, and deal with other issues that may be affecting your relationship.

While it’s not always easy, repairing the damage in a relationship is possible—if you’re willing to put in the work.

With patience, understanding, and a little effort, you and your partner can get back on track and build a stronger, more intimate connection.

What makes a healthy relationship?

how to fix a broken relationship

Every relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons.

Part of what defines a healthy relationship is sharing a common goal for exactly what you want the relationship to be and where you want it to go.

And that’s something you’ll only know by talking deeply and honestly with your partner.

However, there are also some characteristics that most healthy relationships have in common.

Knowing these basic principles can help keep your relationship meaningful, fulfilling, and exciting whatever goals you’re working towards or challenges you’re facing together.

A. You maintain a meaningful emotional connection with each other. 

You each make the other feel loved and emotionally fulfilled.

There’s a difference between being loved and feeling loved.

When you feel loved, it makes you feel accepted and valued by your partner, like someone truly gets you.

Some relationships get stuck in peaceful coexistence, but without the partners truly relating to each other emotionally.

While the union may seem stable on the surface, a lack of ongoing involvement and emotional connection serves only to add distance between two people.

B. You’re not afraid of (respectful) disagreement.

Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree.

The key to a strong relationship, though, is not to be fearful of conflict.

You need to feel safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation, or insisting on being right.

C. You keep outside relationships and interests alive.

Despite the claims of romantic fiction or movies, no one person can meet all of your needs.

In fact, expecting too much from your partner can put unhealthy pressure on a relationship.

Learn about marriage counseling…

To stimulate and enrich your romantic relationship, it’s important to sustain your own identity outside of the relationship, preserve connections with family and friends, and maintain your hobbies and interests.

D. You communicate openly and honestly.

Good and effective communication is a key part of any relationship.

When both people know what they want from the relationship and feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears, and desires,

…it can increase trust and strengthen the bond between you.

In Conclusion…

Good, healthy relationships will sometimes be challenging.

But it’s all worth it.

You and your partner put yourselves through the challenge for the good things that come from a relationship.

Remember that this is always the case, even during the best phases of a relationship.

The challenge is further amplified during or after a separation.

Our faulty ideas of love, alone, won’t keep a relationship functioning.

It needs care and attention to allow both partners to grow and develop throughout its course.

A relationship can’t stay like it is during the first stages, skillful partnership will be required to make things work.

A healthy relationship will only happen if both people are prepared to work at the outcome, making sure all of the key elements work.

The most difficult challenges can be overcome with two people working together, for the mutual good.

If you have been going through difficult times, it can be hard to get a perspective on things.

Buy the course on Udemy…

It’s possible to do this with logical, sensible thinking.

Remember that the person you love has not disappeared, no matter what the circumstances.

You must reconnect with that person, allowing them to reconnect to you, in order to build or rebuild a solid, healthy relationship.

What causes a relationship to be broken?

The main reasons why relationships fail are loss of trust, poor communication, lack of respect, a difference in priorities, and little intimacy.

What are signs your relationship is over?

A common trajectory for the end of a relationship is the slow tapering-off; a protracted period of tell-tale signs and wilful denial, as motivation to patch things up dwindles in one or both partners. A sudden, sharp break can feel more shocking, but it’s also clearer.

What is a toxic relationship?

A toxic relationship is one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked. On a basic level, any relationship that makes you feel worse rather than better can become toxic over time.

How To Handle Marriage Separation 💔 7 Tips

In this lesson, you will discover how to handle marriage separation in order to ultimately make the outcome most positive and fruitful regardless of how much pain you are dealing with.

I am sorry for whatever the reason is that you are relating to this extremely important topic; my understanding is that it’s never easy, simple, or blissful.

Most people don’t go into a marriage with the purpose or intentions of separating.  I would, however, argue that many are indirectly doing exactly that.  

I’ll explain.

We’ve got tons of separation and reconciliation stories we can share with you to emphasize some of the patterns we continue to share with you in these lessons.

But we want to extract this particular lesson from just 2 stories.  

As usual, all the advice we offer is easier said than done but they are worthwhile.

From the first story, Clara reported to us that her husband slept with someone else during separation and lied about it during and after reconciliation.

I know what you are thinking.

How could she ever possibly trust again?  She can actually. 

But wait.

We also have Christine who is worried that her children will hate her and their dad for separating.

Even though the kids have accepted her excuse for sleeping on the sofa (she told them “mommy needs her space”), she is afraid that they will start to recognize the lack of intimacy or affection at some point.

Honestly, that is probably the least of her issues.

While some may be good at hiding the pain, separation is never easy for either of the parties involved; husband or wife.

Many of today’s modern men and women lack the patience level required to see it that way because they want all the answers to life questions faster, logically, and now.

They often opt-in for pointing fingers at everything and everyone else.

So in today’s lesson, I want to point out 7 tips to help anyone in any phase of navigating separation in marriage in order to make the most out of it.

Let’s dive right into it.

Tip #7 – Rules & Boundaries.

PREVIOUS POST: 💔 How Many Marriages End In Divorce?

One of the tools professionally offered to help with separation are letters or contracts that state what the rules and boundaries are during this process.

But I want to emphasize more on the double edge nature of emphasis on rules and boundaries.

Of course, these are designed to not be crossed.  

But for quite a significant percentage of people, the emphasis on rules and boundaries tends to create attention for it and sadly, a heightened desire to cross them.

This is especially true when people are going through an experience that puts them in potentially the weakest space they’ve ever been in a lifetime.

So I want you to treat rules and boundaries with care especially during separation in marriage.

Actually, I’d rather you put more attention into yourself, self-esteem, self-worth, and understanding that the existing version of your marriage is over.

If you do decide to stay together, it should be a completely different version of your marriage.

It will make building trust a lot more easier because what happened with the other person during separation becomes less of a factor for the future.

I’m not saying this to encourage bad and sloppy behavior during separation but to encourage you to retain your much-needed power for your future with or without your present partner.

This is the tip for Clara whose husband slept with someone else during separation and lied about it.  

As far as I am concerned, it’s more so an old problem that was never solved.  

It’s an unrealistic expectation problem.  

When in separation from your marriage, anything should not go but it could because it usually would.  “Should“ is usually not the reality. 

Tip #6 – Why 

I want you to identify why you and/or your spouse have opted for separation in order to support the process with a purpose.

Any endeavor in life without an explicitly identifiable purpose is 100% destructive whether you know it or not.

Unfortunately, many people call for separation when they are in a confused state in an attempt to run away from pain or perceived pain.  

So they just leave things in the hands of fate.

Tip #5  – How Long Should You Stay Separated?

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This part is also like an oxymoron.  

Let me explain.

When people want separation from a partner or the other way around, they are also and often caught up in their feelings to a large extent.

So the idea of setting a time or term on the process is almost an oxymoron because if they could do that, they would just fix the marriage.

But that’s why I am pointing it out.

If you want to make the most positive outcome from this often unpleasant experience, I want you to be intentional.

Starting with yourself, I want you to identify and determine how long you want to give this separation process before attempting a decision to stay together or move forward.

That will help tremendously with your personal self-esteem because of the element of certainty and put you more so in the driver’s seat.

Tip #4 – Death & Growth

There is no in-between.  

Your marriage is either dying or growing at any point in time.

I am aware that you probably already know this but I also know that in the mental space of a person going through a separation, a reminder is probably necessary.

You are welcome.

Tip #3 – The Effect of Separation On Children

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Christine’s problem is not her children… that’s the least of her problems. 

The children, by default, will have their own trauma carried over into adulthood.

Of course, parents should not be adding on to that.  

But as you can see, Christine is adding on to it, maybe unknowingly, but for reasons best known to her by leaving her matrimonial bed for the couch.

She has her legitimate reasons; I’m sure.

It’s not what the kids are saying or hearing.  

It is much more like what they are watching, how they will subconsciously process and interpret them, their personality, their temperament, 2,000 other signals… 

And how they choose to live life as adults.

The only part of that you will be able to, not control but, influence is how you are living your life, maybe a little of what you say to them but more like how you nurture your marriage from what they can see.

So if you are not capable of nurturing your marriage without asking for space, they are seeing and learning that or the unhealthy and extreme opposite of that no matter how old they are. 

Speaking of space… 

Tip #2 – The Double-Edged & Deadly Nature of Space

While space can actually be a useful tool for mental health, it’s important to know that you are also creating a void and effectively allowing in other energy that may not necessarily be healthy.

Sure, you can eventually hold your partner accountable for any bad behavior or transgression during that separation process.  

It is worth noting that holding other adults accountable all by itself has massive limitations when it comes to romantic relationships and getting what you want. 

It has become pretty normal to ask for space in a marriage. 

But let’s all remember that 50% divorce rate, broken families, and fatherless children are also becoming the norm.

Tip #1 – Duty

I was talking to one of my boys who is in today’s dating market.  

He went ahead and told me in so many ways how modern women lack a sense of duty when it comes to the role of a wife.

This has been simply his experience and I don’t see that as an absolute truth. But I’ve also seen enough to know that this is true to a large extent.  

70-80% of divorces are initiated by women and it goes up to 90% for college and university-educated modern women.

I personally think that the breakdown in family leadership has contributed the most to these unpleasant statistics. 

But I also think it will help tremendously if men have the help of the modern women who want marriage and the family structure in bringing a sense of duty to the “table” while we also continue to address the leadership issues.

After all, both the men and women (and especially children who are the leaders of tomorrow)  benefit from the love and connection but also the long-term benefit of a family structure.  

Duty and not the momentary feelings have been responsible for all structures that stand the test of time.  

It’s time to work together, sadly, on the structure-building end of things.  

Sad because I think this is the sole responsibility of men particularly from a place of leadership with or without permission from women.

Nonetheless, a sense of duty will reduce the number of women running for the hills at the slightest instance of emotional difficulty in a marriage.

I want to encourage men to work on updating our family leadership skills for the 21st century; it’s pretty lazy to keep referencing the society from 100 years ago.  

And it is highly dangerous to count on women to intentionally bring a sense of duty into the family structure beyond just a bonus if that ever happens.

I don’t think a typical woman is capable of that.  I also subscribe to “never say never.”

So tell me in the comment area one additional bonus tip or question to help more people become better on the other end of separation in a marriage.  

We will be happy to create more videos around it.

Don’t forget to download your free book.

Get My Marriage Back at:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com 

Also, check out the 30 minutes free coaching and discovery session that we will give you access to right after the download.

Hit the like button and check out the video on the screen for more information on how to rekindle and build an awesome marriage and legacy without being a simp or a pick-me.

10 Signs Your Wife Just Slept With Someone Else 💔

In this lesson, not only will you discover 10 signs that your wife just slept with someone else, you will also discover how to move in these trying and difficult times in your marriage.

The idea of wondering about your wife’s faithfulness has got to be an extremely painful process for you and I’m sorry.  But your life is about to change.

Real growth in life and as a man lies within this process. 

And it is completely up to you what you do with it after I share this information with you.

Initially, I never felt this way about my beautiful wife Lola.  

But once I started seeing some strange behavior I wasn’t used to from her, I started asking questions that led to opinions from strangers that she might be sleeping with someone else.

Of course, I did not buy into that because above all, we’ve always been best friends.

Entertaining such opinions from strangers is a dangerous place to be because you as a man would naturally take that information back to your wife in the form of vibes.

And it will only make things worse even if your wife is not sleeping with someone else.

Read our book GET MY MARRIAGE BACK for our full story.  For now, let’s dive into the 10 signs that supposedly implies that your wife has slept with someone else.

Sign #1 of 10 – She Doesn’t Want To Have Sex

PREVIOUS POST: Codependency In Marriage? 5 Actionable Steps💔

This sign, like all the other 9 signs I will be sharing with you, could mean 2  things.  And it’s completely up to you and your emotional intelligence level what you do with it.

It could mean that she doesn’t feel safe, secure and connection to you.  

When a woman doesn’t feel these 3 things, she will be dry in every sense you can imagine and she will not desire sex with you.

However if she is a cheater at heart, she may be sleeping with another person regularly and there’s only so much sex she can have right?  

Then may be, just may be, she’s already having sex with someone else.

Sign #2 – She Goes Straight For The Shower After Coming In

So not just once but repeatedly, you’ve noticed that every time your wife comes back into the house, she hits the shower right away.

Maybe you should ask her why.

Especially if she doesn’t work at the hospital during a pandemic or a soya bean oil factory; Those are some exceptions.

The worst case scenario which you should not be assuming is that she is trying to wash another man’s cologne off of her body as soon as possible.

If the worst case scenario resonates with you, ask yourself what those other issues in your marriage are.  Obviously, there are.

Sign #3 – She Lied About Her Whereabout

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You found out completely randomly recently that your wife heads somewhere else any time she claims to be going to one place.  

It wasn’t because you had been placing trackers on her phone or the car out of your own personal insecurities. 

Her just feeling the need to lie and hide her whereabouts as these secrets continue to be exposed without you looking for them reflects not just red flags… 

But also the fact that she may be a sloppy cheater who has slept with other people.

Sign #4 – Her Dress & Make Up Are Extra These Days

Many women go through early mid-life crisis where they may have felt lost in the hustle and bustles of life.  

The way they may show that is self improvement from a physical standpoint. 

You’ve made sure that you are not lacking the basic connection that a woman desires.

But then, she suddenly starts to dress and put on heavier make-up to work.  

She may be entertaining attention from a work husband who she may have been sleeping with.

Please note the “maybe’s”.

Sign #5 of 10 That Your Wife Has Slept With Someone else – She Suddenly Want To Take Girls’ Trips 

Why else would a wife need a girl’s trip especially with single girls outside of, maybe, the fact that women can get quite overwhelmed with home-making activities simultaneously with a career life?

Sign #6 – You Found Her Profile On A Dating App

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Now, this is a cut-throat sign that if she hasn’t slept with someone else, she is at least planning to do so.  

This is also inappropriate unless she works for the dating app company and it was a test profile.

Sign #7 – She Password Coded Her Phone

You have, like you normally do, try to login into your wife’s phone but the old password doesn’t work.  You didn’t think much of it.

“Honey, what’s the new password?” “Why? Can you use your own phone?”  She replied to you.

Maybe she’s hiding something on her last text message regarding her sister’s love life; ladies conversations. 

Or a conversation about her sex last night with the side dude.

Food for thought.

Sign #8 – She Was Texting All Night

So when this happens in our marriage occasionally, I am usually next to her and she’s sharing what the text is all about with me as well.  

Also, whoever she is texting, (never other men) is also my friend but more so like her best friend from high school and college.  I usually feel safe.

If this is happening and you don’t feel safe, know who it is and she says nothing about the conversation, she was probably reminiscing a sex with a side dude (or woman.)

But maybe not.

Sign #9 – She Doesn’t Want PDA

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If your wife is ashamed of PDA (public display of affection) with you suddenly after a few years in the marriage, she probably doesn’t feel safe, secure and connection to you.

That’s a more likely reason.  

On the flip side, the unlikely reason (unless you’ve noticed 7 out of the previous signs I have just shared with you) is that she has just had an awesome mind blowing sex with someone else.

Question for you.  

What are you doing to attract your wife to desire having mind blowing sex with you and only you at least once a week?

Sign #10 of 10 That Your Wife Has Slept With Someone else – You Suspect Her

Let’s be honest.  

If you think that it must be true just because you suspect and just that reason only, you probably should avoid marriage and romance altogether.

There are obviously other questions you should be asking if you are that concerned about the possibility that your wife is sleeping with someone else.

So tell me in the comment area other related marriage topics or struggles you would like us to cover in our next video.

Don’t forget to download your free book

Get My Marriage Back at:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com 

Also check out the 30 minutes free coaching and discovery session that we will give you access to right after the download.

Hit the like button and check out the video on the screen for more information on how to build an awesome marriage and legacy without being a simp or a pick-me.

5 “Lethal” Mistakes That Kills ATTRACTION To Your Husband💔

In this lesson, we are sharing 5 mistakes to avoid if you truly want to be attracted to your husband in a healthy, happy, and blissful way again.

So Samantha is at a place in her marriage right now, a marriage of 7 years, where she feels like things are spiraling out of control.

She claims that she really loves him but her description of the emotions playing out in their interaction indicates deflating attraction.

He is completely oblivious about the whole ordeal and she is just as afraid to communicate her feelings with him; actively protecting his feelings.

We have decided to extract some lessons out in the form of 5 mistakes that kill attraction further especially when you are already struggling in your marriage.

Mistake #5 – Self Diagnosing Your Husband

Here is one of the worst things you can do when you find yourself in a marriage that you consented to as an adult.

It is the act of labeling your spouse with all the negative psychological diagnoses you come across; labels such as narcissist, insecure, controlling, etc.

I understand it’s pretty easy to do because we all point fingers and have a difficult time holding the person in the mirror accountable especially when it is not obvious that we played a role.

The two parties played a role and it’s not about faults, rights, and wrongs.

It’s about attraction roles and you are better off assessing and analyzing this from a self-development and improvement standpoint first.

Blame, guilt, condemnation, and judgment work against attraction 100% of the time.

Mistake #4 – Confusing Patience with Lack Of Self Worth

PREVIOUS POST: Can This Marriage Be Saved? (5 Tips From Law of Attraction)💔

You’ve heard that patience is a major key in having a healthy level of tolerance and compromise necessary to sustain a marriage.

But I want you to know that everything, including water, can mess you up if you consume an overdose. So at what point is patience too much?

Significance is one of the 6 basic human needs.  

If your idea of patience is making you feel insignificant in your marriage over a long stretch of time, you are probably operating from a place of low self-worth, self-respect, and self-esteem.

Eventually, your marriage or an integral part of it will collapse; drained.

If you are experiencing this, it’s time to engage in self-development even before trying to fix your marriage.  It has a direct effect on feeling attracted to your husband again.

Mistake #3 – Confusing Space With Lack Of Intimacy

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The fear of the unknown gets real when you come to the conclusion that some space is necessary for your mental health during a crisis in the marriage.

And your mental health is also necessary to create a healthy, romantic, and long-term relationship with your husband.

That’s what you want right? 

I know what you are thinking…

But what if you or your husband taste something (some strange forbidden fruit) during the separation that takes you to a point of no return? 

Scary….

There is also a second question.

How painful is the void you are already feeling in the present state of your marriage?

Now… Which fear is greater? 

Fear of the unknown or fear of living in a miserable “void” for the rest of your sustainable marital life; something will give eventually.

I want you to know that space and distance make the heart fonder; that’s precisely growing attraction and affection provided the damages are not too much before you embrace the necessity for space sometimes.

Mistake #2 – Feeling Embarrassed About A Struggling Marriage

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Every marriage struggles at one point or the other. In fact, most marriages that you admire from the outside have one struggle or the other.

…with a lot… having one or two things to do with the underlying relationship.

You are not alone.

I also want you to know that all the long-term marriages that you admire from the outside (looking in) have been tested terribly and that’s precisely why they are now awesome.

There is literally nothing new with these marriage issues; focus on the healing you need to rebuild your attraction to your husband again.

Mistake #1 – Pouring Out Of An Empty Cup

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When you don’t make taking care of yourself a priority as a woman (even ahead of your children), the family eventually falls apart.

For a typical woman, the “nurturing” thing is natural instincts. I get it.

But we are also humans, which means, emotions, complexities, civilization, overthinking, narcissistic traits, insecurities are involved.

So you have to be careful on how you set priorities when it comes to what you choose to nurture and in what order.

I get it.  The marriage is falling apart so both parties should seek counseling or therapy… that’s BS because usually one person is disconnected.

This is one of the greatest mistakes that kill your attraction to your husband because he is likely to decline if he is just as oblivious as Samantha’s husband.

Then you will build more resentments towards him; effectively destroying attraction and sexual polarity in your marriage

Instead of seeking and crying for joint counseling, (which is usually a place where people waste time on pointing fingers)…

Engage in individual self-development, counseling, therapy or coaching first; check the mirror first; there may be a blindspot there.

If you feel we can help you personally, feel free to go to www.GetMyMarriageBack.com, download the free book, and book a free 30 minutes coaching session with us.