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5 Things That Will Make Your Wife Miss You During Separation 💔

In this lesson, you will discover 5 things that you can focus on to make your wife miss you during a separation in marriage.  

Sorry to hear that you may be going through this but I got you.  I want to tell you a story about James and his wife who are separated but living together.

So James was a guy who dropped us an email.  He has been separated from his wife for a while now due to multiple issues. 

Based on his confession, his wife finally had enough of him constantly putting her down and she asked for a separation with the goal of divorce. 

They have been married since 2010 and have two kids together. 

According to him, the kids are why they have decided to live together but separated for the time being.

James doesn’t want divorce but he understands that his wife is comfortable and will need to miss their romance in order to get back together; hence his question.

Believe it or not, separation may not have been a bad thing for your marriage.  

PREVIOUS POST: 10 Signs Your Wife Just Slept With Someone Else 💔

There is a Nigerian Yoruba proverb that says

“Agbo ti o fi eyin rin lo, agbara ni o lo mu wa.”

Which in loose translation means:

“The ram that moves backwards has gone to bring more power.”

This can be true for your marriage also… especially if you lean in and pay attention to these 5 things that go over most people’s heads.

Let’s be honest.  Emotions are high during separation on at least one side of the relationship; usually on both sides.

So everything I say to you today will be easier said than done. Nonetheless, it will increase your chances of attracting healthy love.

If you are a wife who is trying to make your husband miss you during separation, these lessons are also applicable.

But with a slight difference according to the sexual polarity based on the dynamics of masculine and feminine energy in your relationship.

With that being said, let’s dive into the 5 things….

Thing #5 – Attraction

TRENDING: “Does My Wife MISS ME During SEPARATION?”

When there is a breakdown in attraction, the negative things are easier to focus on than all the numerous positive things happening, evident by the fact that there is room to complain.

This behavior subsequently creates the further deterioration of attraction in the marriage and this is why most couples in separation are in a vicious cycle.

Guess what you can start doing to rebuild attraction; the direct opposite.  Whatever you focus on expands; positive or negative.  

So one extremely seductive thing you can do now is to make a different choice; focus on all the positive things and ignore the negative things unless it is safety, security or core value related.

Thing #4 – Gratitude

This is an attitude to life.  It is still true to a large extent that you attract things into your life based on your attitude about life.

In the midst of separation, most people become very weak to the point that all they can do is swing along with things and wing things along.

They also tend to point fingers at everyone and everything else but self which is another way to disengage from self-improvement.

If your wife doesn’t get pointing-fingers from you, she will miss you because she will gradually start growing respect for you.

Thing #3 – Purpose

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

Without a strong personal purpose in life, there is a good chance that you will have a lot of time in your hands for nonsensical activities.

You know what they say about the idle mind; it’s the devil’s playground right?  

If you are thinking about your separation right now, there is a chance that you are not as engaged with your personal life mission and purpose.

When you are engaged with your purpose as a man, it’s only natural for you to create a space of respect and healthy distance around you without you having to ignore her.

Your wife will miss you because she can feel the change especially if you both have good memories from the past together.

Thing #2 – Self-Love

This is simpler than most people understand.  If you don’t love yourself, others, including your estranged wife, will mimic that behavior.

It has to be absolutely clear to her that you love yourself way too much to wait around and throw your life away for her to miss being in love with you.

She doesn’t get to decide if she wants to miss you or not if you get this right.

Thing #1 – Let-Go

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I understand that it is almost an oxymoron to ask you to “let go” while trying to make your wife miss you; I’m guessing… in order to rekindle romance in your marriage.

Think about it.  Your wife is running for a reason.  

From a mental standpoint, the last thing you want to do to a person who feels like running is to convince them otherwise. 

People don’t run from what they passive as pleasure or relief.  They run from pain or anything they perceive as painful at least until you change that experience for them.

So “letting go” for you may feel painful which is why you may naturally be running from the idea of letting go but that is where the work lies for you.

So tell me in the comment area which of these 5 things has proven to be the hardest for you to do and we will see about doing a video tip on making it easier for you.

Don’t forget to download your free book

Get My Marriage Back at:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com 

Also check out the 30 minutes free coaching and discovery session that we will give you access to right after the download.

Hit the like button and check out the video on the screen for more information on how to rekindle and build an awesome marriage and legacy without being a simp or a pick-me.

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5 “Lethal” Mistakes That Kills ATTRACTION To Your Husband💔

In this lesson, we are sharing 5 mistakes to avoid if you truly want to be attracted to your husband in a healthy, happy, and blissful way again.

So Samantha is at a place in her marriage right now, a marriage of 7 years, where she feels like things are spiraling out of control.

She claims that she really loves him but her description of the emotions playing out in their interaction indicates deflating attraction.

He is completely oblivious about the whole ordeal and she is just as afraid to communicate her feelings with him; actively protecting his feelings.

We have decided to extract some lessons out in the form of 5 mistakes that kill attraction further especially when you are already struggling in your marriage.

Mistake #5 – Self Diagnosing Your Husband

Here is one of the worst things you can do when you find yourself in a marriage that you consented to as an adult.

It is the act of labeling your spouse with all the negative psychological diagnoses you come across; labels such as narcissist, insecure, controlling, etc.

I understand it’s pretty easy to do because we all point fingers and have a difficult time holding the person in the mirror accountable especially when it is not obvious that we played a role.

The two parties played a role and it’s not about faults, rights, and wrongs.

It’s about attraction roles and you are better off assessing and analyzing this from a self-development and improvement standpoint first.

Blame, guilt, condemnation, and judgment work against attraction 100% of the time.

Mistake #4 – Confusing Patience with Lack Of Self Worth

PREVIOUS POST: Can This Marriage Be Saved? (5 Tips From Law of Attraction)💔

You’ve heard that patience is a major key in having a healthy level of tolerance and compromise necessary to sustain a marriage.

But I want you to know that everything, including water, can mess you up if you consume an overdose. So at what point is patience too much?

Significance is one of the 6 basic human needs.  

If your idea of patience is making you feel insignificant in your marriage over a long stretch of time, you are probably operating from a place of low self-worth, self-respect, and self-esteem.

Eventually, your marriage or an integral part of it will collapse; drained.

If you are experiencing this, it’s time to engage in self-development even before trying to fix your marriage.  It has a direct effect on feeling attracted to your husband again.

Mistake #3 – Confusing Space With Lack Of Intimacy

TRENDING: 5 Signs Your Husband Repulses You Sexually & What To Do

The fear of the unknown gets real when you come to the conclusion that some space is necessary for your mental health during a crisis in the marriage.

And your mental health is also necessary to create a healthy, romantic, and long-term relationship with your husband.

That’s what you want right? 

I know what you are thinking…

But what if you or your husband taste something (some strange forbidden fruit) during the separation that takes you to a point of no return? 

Scary….

There is also a second question.

How painful is the void you are already feeling in the present state of your marriage?

Now… Which fear is greater? 

Fear of the unknown or fear of living in a miserable “void” for the rest of your sustainable marital life; something will give eventually.

I want you to know that space and distance make the heart fonder; that’s precisely growing attraction and affection provided the damages are not too much before you embrace the necessity for space sometimes.

Mistake #2 – Feeling Embarrassed About A Struggling Marriage

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

Every marriage struggles at one point or the other. In fact, most marriages that you admire from the outside have one struggle or the other.

…with a lot… having one or two things to do with the underlying relationship.

You are not alone.

I also want you to know that all the long-term marriages that you admire from the outside (looking in) have been tested terribly and that’s precisely why they are now awesome.

There is literally nothing new with these marriage issues; focus on the healing you need to rebuild your attraction to your husband again.

Mistake #1 – Pouring Out Of An Empty Cup

FREE Book: GET MY MARRIAGE BACK

When you don’t make taking care of yourself a priority as a woman (even ahead of your children), the family eventually falls apart.

For a typical woman, the “nurturing” thing is natural instincts. I get it.

But we are also humans, which means, emotions, complexities, civilization, overthinking, narcissistic traits, insecurities are involved.

So you have to be careful on how you set priorities when it comes to what you choose to nurture and in what order.

I get it.  The marriage is falling apart so both parties should seek counseling or therapy… that’s BS because usually one person is disconnected.

This is one of the greatest mistakes that kill your attraction to your husband because he is likely to decline if he is just as oblivious as Samantha’s husband.

Then you will build more resentments towards him; effectively destroying attraction and sexual polarity in your marriage

Instead of seeking and crying for joint counseling, (which is usually a place where people waste time on pointing fingers)…

Engage in individual self-development, counseling, therapy or coaching first; check the mirror first; there may be a blindspot there.

If you feel we can help you personally, feel free to go to www.GetMyMarriageBack.com, download the free book, and book a free 30 minutes coaching session with us.

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5 Reasons Why Your Wife Is Not Interested In You Sexually 💔

In this lesson, we are about to dive in through the story of a 28 years old guy

who is married to a 33 years old with a brand new baby and the blue balls syndrome.

Let’s call him Felix.

He writes…

“My wife and I have been together for about 6 years, married for 2 and we have an almost 1 year old child. 

My wife has had a reasonably exciting sexual past, and one thing that really stood out to me…

when we first started dating was how in control and proud of her sexuality she was. 

She was always full of confidence, dressed to impress and was unapologetic about going after anything she wanted, whether that was sexually or just for fun.”

Before I continue into this story, let me introduce myself.

My name is LOLA and I am the co-author of the book

GET MY MARRIAGE BACK 

…with my husband OLA

…which you can download for free at:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

You will also see an opportunity to book a free 30 minutes coaching session with us. 

My name is OLA.

So Felix continues to write…

“Due to our work, we sometimes spend significant periods of time apart. 

But the time apart was filled with dirty messages, photos and videos, and exploring fantasies, toys, lingerie and bondage ideas. 

I would send her over sex toys to use and she would send videos back (she couldn’t buy toys where she was). 

After a while (about 3 years ago), it didn’t just drop off, it stopped completely.”

So here goes the first reason…

Reason #5 – All Good Things Comes To An End

PREVIOUS POST: When to Give Up On Separation 💔 Average Length & Rebuilding Attraction

I know that may sound scary and discouraging when it comes to the prospect of marriage for young men.

But what are we referring to as the “thing” here?  That will be greatly dependent on how much of a man you are.

I want to assure you that it is a good thing when you are aware that good sexual explosive phases as a thing do come to end.

It’s how we are able to separate a good phase from a bad phase so that we can appreciate either of the phases better.

And do everything within our power to consistently seduce our wives.

You have a choice to decide if this particular good sexual explosive phase is coming to an end permanently or temporarily.

Let’s continue to read…

He continues…

“We married almost 2 years ago, and the only decent period of somewhat routine sex since then was when we were trying to have a child. 

Suddenly I was the bad guy when I wasn’t available on a particular evening because that’s when we were most likely to conceive,

completely ignoring the 12 months prior of me desperately trying to initiate some kind of intimacy. 

Priorities and our lives in general have changed a great deal since then, with our beautiful baby now the centre of our lives.

However, I’ve felt more and more like I’m just a passenger along for this ride with my wife and kid.”

Reason #4 – Playing Victim vs Engaging Power

Keep in mind as always that this is not a “right or wrong” thing.  

It is not a joke but it is a game where you have to learn that playing the victim and retaining your power cannot co-exist.

You have your lady who is also nurturing your own brand new baby, and somehow you are a victim?

It’s not sounding right… right?

Your wife can feel that energy and it will only turn her off even more without her deliberately doing that.

I want you to become self aware and clear about that while responding to this crisis. 

Let’s continue to read…

He continues…

“We haven’t had sex properly in over 18 months.

My wife occasionally makes snide remarks at me, when after periods of trying to initiate some kind of intimacy,

I give up and stay up later to have some ‘time to myself.’ 

She makes me feel like a creep in my own house and I just feel like shit, and my anxiety starts to tick up.”

Reason #3 – Giving Up

TRENDING: 5 Signs Your wife is NOT Attracted to You ❤️

By your own words, you give up while attempting to initiate sex.

You can at least agree that there is nothing sexy about giving up and more especially the vibes and energy that accompanies that right?

Instead of giving up and continuing to play the victim,

I want you to leverage this moment of your life and marriage to engage your personal life mission and purpose first.

This may be something about your ambitions, career or some charity work that makes you feel fulfilled as a person.

It will leave you little to no room to keep feeling sorry for yourself while you are simultaneously giving your relationship some breathing room.

Now I want you to keep initiating sex but by practicing 3 steps forward and 2 steps backward.  

There is nothing sexier than a man whose wife feels safe enough to say “not today babe” while still trusting that he will be confident enough to initiate at some point.

That will even leave her some sense of obligation at the back of her mind and she may initiate before the next time you initiate.

If she doesn’t, you’ve decided to make that a non-big deal (engaging and retaining your masculine core and power) and try later.

She will naturally overcompensate for your patience later in the form of hot sex when she is ready to receive you back to back.

In this next lesson, I will reveal how this works in detail…

So be sure to like and subscribe for your best chances of getting notified when that video goes live.

Let’s continue to read…

He continues…

“We’ve tried to slowly reinitiate things, particularly when I’m away for work. 

We’ve tried to send a few exciting spontaneous messages here and there. 

We’ve started using an app where you essentially ‘match’ fetishes or sexual ideas with your partner

(i.e. only notified if they like the same thing as you, it’s pretty cool.) 

At one point, she even bought a new toy while I was away,

and kind of awkwardly apologized that it was a toy just for her and wouldn’t really be all that fun to use together. 

I was stoked and said she never needs to apologise for that! I thought this might’ve been the catalyst we needed. 

Fast forward the entire 2 months we were apart, and she hadn’t used it once.“

Reason #2 – “We” Don’t Seduce

There is so much “we” this and “we” that and it leaves me to wonder,

who is the seducer in this equation if what you want is more sex?

If you compete in feminine energy with your lady, it kills sexual polarity.  

What you are suffering from is partly low libido due to childbirth causing lower attraction in your marriage which is temporary.

This is not abnormal; we’ve been through the same thing.

It’s a process to get out of the limbo but it can be a faster process when you engage your seduction power which starts way before the bedroom.

Seduce more, initiate less and watch better sex come back into your marriage.

Let’s continue to read…

He continues…

“Occasionally we eventually have a really difficult but healthy conversation about our sex life,

and we walk away feeling great for it…but nothing really changes.

For the past 12 months or so, we go through a bit of a regular cycle. 

I try to initiate things at a pretty low level to rekindle a bit of excitement. 

It gets shot down over a period of 2-3 weeks, and my anxiety slowly escalates. 

I ruminate on the past fortnight, and the past 2 years and get frustrated. 

My mood dives, my wife asks what’s wrong, we have a bit of a chat (about all the same old things),

have a bit of intimacy (although, not sex) 

And I feel like she walks away relieved that she’s hit “reset”

and can now hopefully go another 2 or 3 weeks without needing to be intimate with me. 

Reason #1 – You Talk Her Out Of Wanting Sex

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

As you’ve probably realized, the more you talk about this, the less sex you are having.

By now, you are just predictable; the mood patterns and swings are probably predictable AF.

Talking so much in the name of conversations in an attempt to increase intimacy is feminine energy.

When she’s asking you what’s wrong, she wasn’t faking it. 

It’s a way for her to protect your household when it seems like you are falling apart as the masculine core in the relationship.

While that’s very nice of her, it’s killing sexual polarity even further.

So that’s not where you want your lady. 

You want her to be able to count on you even in the midst of this crisis

and that’s part of the process of seducing her back into crazy intimate sessions.

Rejection breeds obsession so you are not abnormal but this is how to rise above the norm

as opposed to using blame, guilt, condemnation and judgment to make matters worse.

To learn even more about rebuilding sexual attraction back into your marriage, check out the featured video on the screen.

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When to Give Up On Separation 💔 Average Length & Rebuilding Attraction

In this lesson, we want to talk about when or what is the average length of separation

before reconciliation and how to rebuild attraction during separation.

While there are studies that show an average of 2 years in this zone, there is more to this.

We are also leveraging the story of a guy’s submission of how his wife wants to pursue separation even though he is willing to die to avoid this.

My wife wants to pursue a separation.

My wife and I got married in May 2019 (a little over 2 years) and we’ve been together for five years. 

My in-laws (whom) I have a very good relationship with)

renovated their basement to an apartment for us so we can save on rent

and so my wife can have emotional support since Covid lockdowns forced her to work from home and be isolated.

Prior to moving to her parent’s basement, we had an incident last December 2020

where our separate issues during the lockdown basically just erupted. 

Her’s is the loss of purpose (as her job changed drastically), the isolation, and just overall anxiety. 

With me, I’m a frontline retail worker, had the option to be furloughed,

but decided to work anyways for job security to make sure we meet rent and other basic necessities. 

I thought I was doing better than her since I can still function at work but in reality,

I’ve been super stressed and scared of getting sick everyday that made me emotionally shut-off without me even noticing.

I started doing therapy to make sure I can be a better husband for her cause I don’t want us to have the same problems again. 

We then moved to her parent’s basement around a couple of months ago

PREVIOUS POST: 5 Physical Attraction Signs A Happy Partner Will Show 💔

even though it’s a longer commute for me to work (1.5 to 2 hours),

I didn’t mind because I know it’s what’s best for her.

We haven’t been fighting a lot lately so I thought we were fine, and if we do,

it’s just usually about the same thing so in a way it gave me comfort to know that we don’t have a lot of problems. 

The theme of the fight is about me asking for her time and attention

since she’s been focusing more on her online female empowerment group

(which I’m not against and am actually very supportive of) and her other online friends (that I’m also not against). 

She found support from them especially since months before the December incident happened

but now I feel like she spends more time with them than me even though I’m now more open to be there for her.

Fast forward to last week, I came home and she left me a note saying she loves me

but she can’t be my wife anymore.. and that she wants to pursue a separation. 

We had a fight the night before about the same issue but I also acknowledged that it’s just me being anxious and I really just miss her.

She took her clothes and moved most of her personal stuff upstairs to her parent’s. 

I felt like I didn’t have a choice but to move out and go to my parent’s. 

We still talk sometimes through texts and she told me

she’s been having the same issues for 10 months now and that totally caught me off guard. 

I’m willing to do anything for her. 

To make her happy. 

To make sure she’s ok. 

And that includes me working on myself more. 

It sucks that I still can’t quite understand why we have to be apart and honestly,

I’m scared of the future cause I really don’t want to lose her.

She told me she doesn’t have any plans beyond healing but I’m not really sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

I feel like I’m going crazy because I thought I was doing my best to show her that I care and love her but for some reason,

she decided that this is what we need.

My name is LOLA and I am the co-author of the book

GET MY MARRIAGE BACK 

…with my husband OLA

…which you can download for free at:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

You will also see an opportunity to book a coaching session with us. 

This is OLA… Let’s Get Into The Response

TRENDING: “How Do You Tell If Your Wife STILL LOVES YOU After SEPARATION?”

I am so sorry to read what you are going through.

Now let’s talk about navigating your life (most importantly) out of this funk.

This is a very good time (a rock bottom) to build a better and stronger foundation for your love life.

5 years is a long time enough to have some positive memories

she can reflect on provided you give her that space and time she asked for.

Trust me, you need that space more for yourself because the attraction (or maybe obsession) you are feeling right now is a direct effect of rejection.

A woman that doesn’t respect you cannot love you… that’s just how a typical woman is. 

Never mind what she said at the altar.

They reciprocate love as respect, trust and submission.

Your in-laws’ basement probably did not help to create room for her to respect you or your union.  

And the fact that she needed this additional emotional support was probably a good signal…

that she couldn’t trust and submit to your union as well.

So that would represent wrong timing to be needy with her for you to maintain your emotional stability.

Don’t feel bad; it’s not your fault.

In the next lesson, we will talk more about what emotional stability displays as in reality. 

So be sure to like and subscribe for your best chances of getting notified when that video goes live.

Let me give you some game. 

Please avoid receiving this as judgment. 

The world actually doesn’t care unfortunately.

Instead of you moving in with her (which tells me you probably became a pushover),

you were probably better off allowing her to go spend some time with her family.

As a man, you should always maintain a certain level of core assurance, and plan for your own life; something for a woman to follow.

If she’s not comfortable following your lead, she probably doesn’t belong with you at least for now.

So there were a lot of things you said that were signals that she didn’t get into this space overnight.

Therefore if you are patient and self-sustainable,

she probably will have a hard time letting go of you with a flip of a switch.

But she will turn you off permanently from her life if you keep up with the “needy” behavior (asking for her time and attention).

Women are like cats. 

You have to let them go and come as they please especially in the modern age if you’ve chosen to be with a modern woman

You have to have faith that the streets don’t love anybody like that and she will come back if she belongs there… if you chose to want her.

Her family and online female empowerment group cannot love her romantically.

But she may not know that until she tests it out and then willingly comes back to submit to your mission if you are still available.

From the look of things, it seems that she felt smothered for a while even though that wasn’t your intention.

In romantic relationships, intentions are overrated and “trust in good intentions” alone is causing many people pain; unrealistic expectations.  

How your love expression is received is a big part of the total outcome.  

You were oblivious, became complacent and I want you to know that it happens to the best of us.

Let her go!  

Give her space and time and be generous with it.

After consistent 90 days and simultaneously working on yourself,

if she hasn’t reached out, consider the marriage to be over and try to be okay with that.

It doesn’t mean you can get back together but it increases the chances of that happening.

Start seeing and hanging out with other people responsibly…

it’s good for your self esteem which is attractive to a typical woman.

By being okay with that, you will dramatically increase the chance that it is not over…

but don’t hold your breath.

She checked out. 

She needs to earn you back. 

Don’t sell yourself so cheap.

Your love life may not be a joke but it’s a game you should learn how to play so you don’t get played ever again.

It’s an attraction issue. 

It is not a right and wrong issue.

Stop apologizing for loving her. 

If she doesn’t want it, she doesn’t deserve it. 

Make it nothing against or about her but everything for your self respect.

Most men get caught off guard.   

That’s why you are the man.  Don’t try to compete with her at any level. 

You were busy being a man. Make it okay for her to be a woman even in these trying times.  

The easiest route is to point fingers at her especially with the help of outsiders who do not have the emotional intelligence.

“Babe. Take your time. 

Let me know when you change your mind and want to work on it.”

If you get angry with her, that resentment will lead to you self-destructing.  

You have options that you can start exercising if necessary in 90 days … responsibly.

When you are willing to do anything for someone who doesn’t want you,

it’s needy behavior because that’s how she is receiving it.

It’s unattractive. 

The brain works backwards against common sense.

It will only push her further away from you.

You can’t make her happy and she can’t make you happy. 

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

Learn how to make yourself happy and allow her to choose to be attracted to that in time if you are still available.

Because remember you have options, at least half-a-billion other beautiful ladies who will happily enjoy attention from you (a.k.a attention for you).

Like a typical woman, she can smell that you are scared of the future without her and that’s scaring the crap out of her directly. 

She is not abnormal. 

She is a typical woman.

It’s too much weight for her to carry.  

If you love and want her, you have to be okay with that.

You have to love her in a way that she feels free and that attracts her

or the right love to you beyond what you want.

If she doesn’t have a plan of permanently moving on,

that’s the feminine energy crying out for a masculine energy to fit right into. 

Leaving her alone is the masculine energy she is probably not used to…

making it okay for her not to be sure of herself.

When you combine that with the good memories you have hopefully had with her in the past years, she would never find anything better in the streets.

And whoever finds you after learning such a skill will be a very lucky woman.  

It’s a win-win for you regardless.

Believe what she has decided now and leverage it for massive greatness.

To learn even more about how to rebuild attraction in separation, check out the featured video on the screen.

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Unhappy Marriage But Can’t Leave ❤️ Does he Love Me⁉️

In this lesson, we will cover a very popular question asked by women in seemingly unhappy marriages; “does he love me?”

But first which one?

There is a difference between Love & In-Love

It’s simple.

does he love me - unhappy marriage

To love someone is a deliberate value driven act while to be in-love is a feeling that comes from attraction and often a sense of newness.

It is possible for a man to love you and not necessarily be in love with you.

That is to say, the attraction level is low and unfortunately you can feel it that he is not drawn to you as evident by this question.

So if you can’t tell in his body language, he is probably not in love with you at the moment.

But keep in mind that it is probably temporary,

Especially if you have experienced the feeling of him being in love with you in the past

…depending on how far into the past it has been.

If a man still needs you in his life, he probably loves you because again…

Loving someone is a value driven deliberate action.

But in that same space, he may net be as attracted to you as he needs to be.

To love someone is a process and an on-going thing while being in love with a person is more of a state of mind; a feeling.

If he is in love with you, you will be able to tell as he shows that he can’t have enough for you.

For a man to love at that level takes a while and a process of growth.

34 years into marriage, a man can love you and it would be synonymous to being in love with you

Because that relationship has probably been tested a few times.

So the idea of not being with you is not a thing and cannot be even remotely entertained.

But it is a value driven act because it took time, a process and probably all types of tests on his character and the dynamics of your relationship with him to be in that space.

Therefore if you just met this man recently, loving you is not exactly relevant as he probably doesn’t even know himself

…with respect to your relationship enough.

However, he may be in-love with you

But you would be able to tell from his body language and other forms of expression if he is.

As an adult, the other question is if you are in love with him.

I would go out on a limb and answer for you; YES.

Wondering about a man’s feelings for you is one of the signs of high attraction and that you are in love with the idea of that person.

If this was a high school situation, no one knows themselves enough to be able to recognize real love.

How do I get out of an unhappy marriage when he is not in love with me?

If a man is not in love with you, that’s just a temporary feeling and a sign of low attraction.

So getting out of the marriage is not a solution especially if you’ve ever experienced high attraction in the marriage in the past.

Therefore if you have, the next best thing to do is to learn how to make him want you again.

It’s a nice little known skill that you probably used unknowingly when you were also in that space of giving naturally into the marriage.

The first step is to know that there is no such thing as an “unhappy marriage”; there are only 2 unhappy people in a marriage.

And secondly,

If you know anything about happiness, it comes from the inside and never from another person, a spouse or a partner.

Sure…. You may argue that others can influence your happiness.

I agree.

But ultimately, that’s called environmental factors… kinda like the weather.

Your marriage surroundings may feel gloomy but again, that’s a feeling.

And with proper knowledge, wisdom and empowerment, you can control how you feel from the inside… and like I said…

True happiness only comes from the inside.

If you give other people and your environment the power to control how happy you feel, it will always be that much short of true joy;

A necessary ingredient for “marriage goals”.

Thirdly, you go into a relationship to give.

So leaving this marriage for any reason outside of physical abuse will not necessarily make you happy.

You have a better chance of a “happy marriage” for lack of a better term when you build yourself from the inside

So that you can have enough to give emotionally into the relationship.

Also, confidence and non-neediness is one of the most attractive features you can develop to bring into your marriage.

And you can seduce anyone you want back into a blissful relationship with you when you learn how to.

There is a good chance that you have in the beginning but we all get complacent and take things for granted in relationships;

a.k.a “I lost myself”, ever heard that before.

So your marriage is only really over if you don’t want it anymore with this weapon of attraction at your disposal.

Also, if money and finances are not right in your marriage, it will cause issues.

But again running from that problem is an oxymoron; at least 50% of that problem is your shadow and it will follow you anywhere you go.

Leaving is a last resort;

First of all, find out what value or solution you can give into this monster of a relationship that you already know; it’s your best chance at happiness.

With a will, the power of seduction and high attraction, you will survive, thrive and become relationship goals that many will envy for a long time.

Keep in mind that the grass is always greener on the other side because it is being watered somehow.

“What if I’m not in love with my husband but I can’t leave?”

Not being in love is a temporary feeling and symptom of underlying issues in your marriage.

Leaving the marriage because of the symptoms will not fix your problem; in fact, it will potentially make life more miserable for you.

But you are the one in the marriage and you probably have deeper and clearer context.

If it’s just as simple and temporary as “not being in love”,

Look inside objectively and ask yourself if you have value or can build value to bring into this relationship.

This is easier said than done but it’s your best shot at a happy and blissful marriage again.

But keep in mind that leaving your marriage or divorce is not a crime as much as it may not be the solution.

If it’s a physical abuse situation, leave physically immediately and seek professional help.

Toxic arguments is one of the top signs of communication breakdown in a marriage;

It feels like a high that you know it’s bad for you but you can’t stop it until it destroys;

Shutting down on your spouse dismissively can be just as toxic.

So if you can still have a healthy loving conversation with your spouse, that’s a great place to start and build from.

If you have kids, don’t abuse them as a manipulation tool to leave or stay in the marriage.

The best thing you can do for kids is to be an example of what a healthy relationship and marriage looks like as they learn more from behavior.

I know we make it sound simple but nothing here is easy; it is simple but not easy… it’s easier said than done.

But it’s worth every effort you apply.

However, it is absolutely okay to draw emotional strength to want to give into and work on your marriage from your kids.

In a situation of emotional abuse and just flat bad behavior like alcohol and drug abuse, a higher level of patience is required.

But fundamentally, you can use the power of seduction and reverse psychology to get your spouse to start behaving right.

There is a reason why he or she is still in the marriage.

If they are the one solely benefiting from that reason, they may never change if they don’t show what it feels like to take that benefit away.

For example. I hear other counselors all the time insinuating that sex should not be used to punish the spouse.

I believe differently.

It’s impossible for a person who wants sex to use it to punish another;

It seems that way because they are clearly no attracted to the idea of having sex with the spouse.

In this context, sex would be the benefit that you should not be giving when you know that you are not attracted due to bad and abusive behaviors.

Sex is not a duty, it’s to be enjoyed together.

But having it less than twice a week outside of medical reasons is a sign and symptom of underlying issues.

So in conclusion…

You should be focused on “giving” into your marriage and use that as the first step in solving all problems and dealing with crisis.

Sure… much patience would be required as everything is a process before you eventually start receiving.

However, keep in mind that all forms of abuse will probably not stop unless there are real consequences.

It’s as simple as demanding that abusers seek help out of respect for yourself, sometimes asking for temporary space and time does help,

But ultimately using that to work on building yourself so that you can have enough to give and attract the love you deserve and desire.

Below is a question for us to address with this lesson…

“I think I am between struggle and miserable.

34 years and 6 kids.

He’s always been a drinker. It’s getting worse.

He smokes pot everyday… has no job, not being very helpful unless I get angry and nag.

I am done but I can’t see that I have allowed him to become what he is.

No job, no prospect, no reliability to support himself.

I don’t know how to get out.”

Enjoy the video.

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