In these videos and articles, you will discover help for marriage that works. You can save your marriage even if your spouse has completely checked out of the marriage.
📌 Author's Note from Lola & Ola: If you are reading this right now, we know the heartbreak of watching the desire, intimacy, and warmth fade out of your relationship. We survived our own marriage completely dying at the 9-year mark and rebuilt a 20+ year roadmap from it. Before you dive into the details below, grab our complete book Get My Marriage Back for FREE right now so you have an immediate, step-by-step action plan to turn things around.
It’s simply the number of men a woman has had consensual sexual intercourse with in her lifetime… at least that’s what most of the conversation accounts for; women.
In recent times, there has been an increasing reference to body counts when people talk about dating, relationships and marriage.
What exactly is going on? Let me tell you a story.
I counseled a young man. 32 years old who happens to be with a 26 years girlfriend.
His issue narrows down to being uncomfortable and insecure sometimes after noticing that his girlfriend’s story as related to body count is not consistent.
He really wants to know the truth but as a fact of life, he will never know the truth because of the inconsistency in her story.
What’s her real body count? Is it 4 or 7 as she previously stated? He will continue to wonder.
I asked him why he couldn’t just leave this girl… there was never a straight answer so it’s safe to conclude that he didn’t have the balls to leave like most modern men.
But guess what… his girl wants some space now… And I quote…
“It’s not you. It’s me. I lost myself. I need to find myself and then we can talk.”
Damn. las las las las… na everybody go chop breakfast… shayooooo
Let’s bust some myths around body count.
Should you tell a man your body count?
Ladies. The truth is that you already don’t feel safe with this particular guy we are talking about.
If you do, it will effortlessly roll off your tongue before you remember the promise you gave yourself to never share.
Not just that. You also are not too proud of your body count as a lady. You are not abnormal.
As off press time, it’s pretty normal for a lady to keep this type of information sacred.
How much more… with the idea of sharing it with a man you don’t feel safe and secure with.
In fact, I think a woman that out-rightly tells the true body count “willy nilly” is a red flag at an emotional level.
I know I just triggered someone.
At the surface, it’s honesty and transparency but when real life starts happening, it can translate to so many other emotional turmoils.
If you want me to expound more on this, do tell in the comment area below.
Does it matter what your body count is?
I am guessing that it does or it is starting to matter even more; hence your question.
Many progressive minded “live and let live” types of people would say it doesn’t matter
“Do what works for you?” I’ve found also that’s just as much an extreme stupidity and not reality.
Others who may be conservative (especially modern men camouflaged as traditional) would claim it does matter…
Citing reasons that don’t hold water such as high body count leading to:
10. High chances of low sexual satisfaction
9. High chances of cheating
8. High chances of intimacy vacuum
7. High chances of promiscuity and prostitution.
6. Carrying of different weird energy
5. Carrying of different weird semen
4. The fact that no chemical will wash away
Someone asked…”what about the blood of Jesus? haha.”
3. P or D-whipped by an X (if you know what I mean…)
2. Sign of no value to body
1. High chance of orgasm gaps
Some modern men even say men have always wanted a virgin. This is not exactly true. Some people don’t really give a shit unless the ladies lifestyle is making it that obvious.
This is a lame man’s talk and precisely because they talk too damn much these days… with the whole mouth. Wise men don’t talk like this.
What about the moral compass that created these weird ass excuses to be obsessed with a stranger’s body count?
At this point, I have a question for you.
Many “modern men” claim this is just an honest consideration when you are vetting a woman to marry. Yea right. sure!
But isn’t there a difference between consideration and obsession?
Please drop your answer in the comment box below.
What does body count mean for a guy?
I can definitely agree that it means territory for most guys.
The problem with modern men is their weird and weak methods of marking that territory.
When you really listen deeply to the underlying emotions of the 10 weird reasons I highlighted earlier, that’s a man trying to mark his territory with insecurity and flawed logic.
Here is why it won’t work.
The woman is an incubator and she will multiply that insecurity and everything that a man brings to her…naturally; the product is negative.
If you argue with this reality, you will surfer.
Have you noticed that this body count rhetoric tends to attract accusations of misogyny, fragile ego, small dick (especially when you run around social claiming that body count leads to a sunk vagina… like a borehole.) and etc.
I even heard a woman say “…at this rate, I’m convinced men have vaginas too.” Damn…
Gentlemen… How you feel about body count is valid but we have to come up with better arguments.
A lot of men on the men’s side of this conversation are attempting to control another human in 2022 and beyond. It doesn’t work.
If you don’t understand the difference between maintaining your power with influence as against control, you will suffer.
I’ve also seen enough modern women, the only type of woman that exists today by the way, trying to tell modern men that body count doesn’t matter.
Well, it’s not really about body count. It’s a sense of territory.
Forcefully linking body count to killing pair bonding abilities and promiscuity without individualizing it will continue to put you at disadvantage.
The real simp uses every conversation about body counts to get triggered. They don’t stop at shaming women in general. They move to shame any man who attempts to hold them accountable.
“Simping won’t get you female approval.”
“Stop trying to be a panty collector.”
…all in the same breath of booty clapping for other men and trying to save prostitutes in order to change them to housewives.
As usual, results and time will tell us the real truth and who the real simps are.
Scarcity mindset is a cancer that spreads very fast to other aspects of life. If you don’t believe me, I am patient. I will wait.
The modern man is scared shitless of their woman imagining another man fucking them while fucking…
Nothing good comes out of operating out of fear. You will hurt yourself emotionally attempting to catch all the information in a romantic relationship.
1st rule: Relax.
If you want me to address this more, hit the thumbs up and indicate in the comment below.
We can address questions like:
What’s a good body count for a girl?
What’s the average body count for a 20 year old woman?
What is a high body count for a guy?
What body count is too high for a girl?
Does body count matter for a woman?
Why is a high body count a turn off?
Does body count have the same effect on the genders?
For now, I will leave you with this. If you have to explicitly ask a girl what her body count is in order to have a good idea, you deserve to be told a lie because she will.
Women don’t count every body anyway. Not all bodies count for women. You are fooling yourself if you are obsessed with body count. But it doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.
If you want, indicative by the response to this video with the like button and your comments below, I will dive into the social, spiritual and emotional side of this conversation.
📌 Author's Note from Lola & Ola: If you are reading this right now, we know the heartbreak of watching the desire, intimacy, and warmth fade out of your relationship. We survived our own marriage completely dying at the 9-year mark and rebuilt a 20+ year roadmap from it. Before you dive into the details below, grab our complete book Get My Marriage Back for FREE right now so you have an immediate, step-by-step action plan to turn things around.
Ladies, few things in life feel worse than the nagging suspicion that your husband is cheating on you………other than to find out that’s actually the case.
There are a ton of little telltale signs that you may be able to spot that will start your womanly radar ticking.
Some of your man’s actions may end up being innocent enough, but at other times, where there’s smoke, there could be infidelity fire.
Cheating can be in the mind only, purely emotional, or physical, or a combination of all three.
Just like every marriage is different, so too is every case of cheating.
We won’t quote statistics, but studies show that a lot of men (and women for that matter) do contemplate cheating in some way at some point. It’s one way to explain why the nation’s divorce rate currently hovers at around 50 percent.
So, no matter what your degree of suspicion is when it comes to your husband and what’s in his mind, there are a number of things to keep an eye out for.
Don’t take them as gospel by themselves that cheating is going on, but if you see a lot of what follows in your marriage, it may be time for the “we need to talk” intervention.
Frustration in the marriage is one common trigger; the cheater may make several attempts to solve problems to no avail.
Maybe they had second thoughts about getting married or they were jealous over the attention given to a new baby and neither had the skill set to communicate these feelings.
Perhaps the straying spouse has childhood baggage — neglect, abuse, or a parent who cheated — that interferes with his or her ability to maintain a committed relationship.
Less often, the cheater doesn’t value monogamy, lacks empathy, or simply doesn’t care about the consequences.
We will take a look at a number of risk factors and causes for cheating, but it’s important to point out upfront that a partner doesn’t cause their spouse to cheat. Whether it was a cry for help, an exit strategy, or a means to get revenge after being cheated on themselves, the cheater alone is responsible for cheating.
1. He’s suddenly very interested in his appearance.
If your husband was previously indifferent to his appearance and is now spending more time than usual on his hair and clothes, it could be a sign that he’s trying to impress someone else.
He may also be working out more, or paying more attention to his grooming habits in general.
2. He’s working longer hours or taking more business trips.
If your husband’s work schedule has suddenly changed and he’s spending more time at the office or going on more business trips, it could be a sign that he’s cheating.
He may be using work as an excuse to meet someone else or to spend time away from home.
3. He’s become more distant and withdrawn.
If your husband is suddenly acting distant and withdrawn, it could be a sign that he’s cheating.
He may be less interested in talking to you or spending time with you. He may also seem preoccupied and distracted when you are together.
he’s cheating. He may be buying gifts for someone else, or he may be paying for activities that he wouldn’t normally spend money on.
4. He’s being secretive and evasive.
If your husband is being secretive and evasive, it could be a sign that he’s cheating.
He may be hiding his phone or computer from you, or deleting texts and emails without reading them.
He may also be reluctant to share information about his whereabouts or who he’s been spending time with.
5. He’s got a new group of friends.
If your husband has suddenly started hanging out with a new group of friends, it could be a sign that he’s cheating.
He may be spending more time with them than with you, or he may be secretive about who they are and what they do together.
6. He’s acting differently around you.
If your husband is acting differently around you, it could be a sign that he’s cheating.
He may be more critical of you, or he may be more distant and withdrawn.
He may also seem more interested in sex, or he may be less interested in sex.
7. He’s spending more money than usual.
If your husband is spending more money than usual, it could be a sign that he’s cheating.
He may be buying gifts for someone else, or he may be paying for activities that he wouldn’t normally spend money on.
8. What are those charges on the credit card?
If you monitor your monthly credit card statements and you start to see things pop up that you don’t recognize, they may be harmless, or they could be signs of monkey business that’s afoot.
If you can’t match up the expense with the story, that’s a problem. Also, if he’s now paying in cash for things that used to be charged, that’s a money monkey business concern as well.
9. He wants you to stop doing nice things for him.
Sometimes known as the Catholic guilt syndrome. If you’re being kind and considerate, as relationships should be, it could be revving up the conflict in him if he’s thinking about cheating or already doing so.
10. Cheat on me once, shame on you. Cheat on me twice, shame on me.
A spouse who has cheated in the past and gotten caught is more likely to think they can get away by doing a better job of cheating the second time around. If your spouse has a history of cheating, and you suspect cheating is happening again, it may be time to make that spouse a part of your history instead.
Why Do Husbands Cheat?
There are a lot of reasons that husbands cheat on their wives. Sometimes it has to do with the husband’s own insecurities or feeling like he isn’t good enough for his wife.
Sometimes cheating is a way to get revenge after an argument or disagreement. And sometimes, husbands cheat simply because they’re curious or they want to experience something new.
📌 Author's Note from Lola & Ola: If you are reading this right now, we know the heartbreak of watching the desire, intimacy, and warmth fade out of your relationship. We survived our own marriage completely dying at the 9-year mark and rebuilt a 20+ year roadmap from it. Before you dive into the details below, grab our complete book Get My Marriage Back for FREE right now so you have an immediate, step-by-step action plan to turn things around.
The No Contact Rule is a commonly recommended solution to various problems in the immediate aftermath of a breakup. This is a time when emotions can run high and fluctuate wildly, so it is often a good time for some distance between you and your ex. This can help you take some time to think about what it is you really want.
The rule is commonly set at 30 days, although it can be shorter in some cases or even go on permanently in others. During this time, ex-partners may avoid all forms of contact, whether face-to-face or over the phone, text, or social media. Some couples may even block each other on social media sites.
The specific rules can vary among different people, but the key feature is limiting communication.
How To Start No Contact?
If you have been contacting your ex regularly since the breakup, the best way to start no contact is to just stop contacting them.
If your ex has been initiating contact with you on and off, you should let them know that you intend to take some space from them and that you want them to stop contacting you for a while. You should be honest about why you are doing this, that is, to help you heal from the breakup and get some perspective.
The signs that the No Contact Rule is working might be confusing. You are unlikely to see all of these signs, but more than one or two may well signal that things are working out the way you would like.
1. You get a text from your ex
Of course, if you suddenly get a text from your ex, he has clearly been thinking about you for some reason. If he says that he is missing you, you can be sure that the No Contact Rule has worked. However, it is more likely that if your ex reaches out to you, the reasons will be less obvious.
If he asks you vaguely, “how are you doing?” he may be checking up to see if you are okay, or he may be trying to test the water with a general conversation. Either way, he is probably aware that breaking the No Contact Rule may signal that he thinks about you. Your ex-boyfriend clearly feels that contacting you is still important enough to be worth doing.
2. Your ex posts about you on social media
If your ex-boyfriend posts about you on social media, it can be a sign that he is thinking about you. This can take the form of a comment on one of your posts, or even just a “like” on something you have put up.
It can also be a sign that he is trying to get your attention by posting something that he knows you will see. This might be a photo of the two of you together, or even just a status update about something that you have in common.
3. Your ex talks about you to mutual friends
If your ex-boyfriend is talking about you to your mutual friends, this can be a sign that he is thinking about you. He may be sharing things in order to get them off of his chest, or perhaps he does not want to keep this relationship secret from the people who already know you both.
If your ex-boyfriend talks about your breakup with other people, it can be a sign that he is not over you yet. He may be hoping for sympathy from others, or he could even be trying to make you jealous by talking about other women.
4. Your ex-boyfriend stares at you
If your ex-boyfriend stares at you, this can be a sign that he is still thinking about you. It may be that he is a little obsessed with you and simply can’t take his eyes off of you.
However, it is also possible that your ex-boyfriend is simply trying to figure out if there is any chance that you might still be interested in getting back together. If your ex feels like he has missed an opportunity, or if he is simply not ready to let go of this relationship, then a lingering stare may be the sign that you need.
5. Your ex-boyfriend asks mutual friends about you
If your ex-boyfriend asks mutual friends about you, it can be a sign that he is thinking about you and wants to know how things’ are going. This may be a sign that he is trying to keep tabs on you, or it could mean that he simply wants some kind of connection with you.
There are many possible reasons why your ex-boyfriend might ask mutual friends about you, so it is important not to jump to conclusions too quickly. However, if this seems like a pattern, it may be a sign that he is not ready to move on just yet.
6. Your ex-boyfriend tries to make you jealous
If your ex-boyfriend tries to make you jealous, it could be a sign that he is still thinking about you. He may be trying to get your attention by flirting with other women, or he could be trying to make you see that he is still attractive and desirable.
Your ex-boyfriend may also be trying to make you jealous in order to get a reaction out of you. If he is hoping that you will get angry or upset, it can be a sign that he is not over you yet.
7. Your ex-boyfriend sends you a DM
If your ex-boyfriend sends you a message on social media, it can be a sign that he is thinking about you. He may simply want to get in touch to chat and catch up, or he could be trying to gauge your feelings by asking if you would like to meet up.
This could also be a sign that your ex-boyfriend is trying to start a conversation with you in order to see if there is any chance of getting back together. If he is asking about your life and how you are doing, it may be a sign that he still cares about you.
8. Your ex-boyfriend likes your posts
If your ex-boyfriend likes your posts on social media, it can be a sign that he is still thinking about you. He may be interested in what you are doing and how you are feeling, or he could simply be trying to get your attention.
Liking your posts can also be a way for your ex-boyfriend to start a conversation with you. If he leaves a comment on one of your posts, it may be a sign that he wants to talk to you.
9. Your ex-boyfriend texts you
If your ex-boyfriend texts you, it can be a sign that he is thinking about you. He may simply want to talk to you and catch up, or he may be interested in getting back together.
Texting can also be a way for your ex-boyfriend to gauge your feelings. If he is asking how you are doing and what you have been up to, it may be a sign that he still cares about you.
10. Your ex-boyfriend calls you
If your ex-boyfriend calls you, it can be a sign that he is thinking about you. He may want to talk to you and catch up, or he may be interested in getting back together.
Calling can also be a way for your ex-boyfriend to gauge your feelings. If he is asking how you are doing and what you have been up to, it may be a sign that he still cares about you.
Benefits of Using the No Contact Rule
1. The No Contact Rule can help you take a step back and gain some much-needed perspective. During this time, you can focus on yourself and your own well-being, instead of obsessing over your ex-boyfriend.
2. The No Contact Rule gives you some space to reflect on the relationship and why it ended. This can help you gain a better understanding of the issues that may have led to the breakup, and it can help you work through any negative emotions or lingering doubts.
3. The No Contact Rule gives your ex-boyfriend time to reflect on the relationship as well. This can be a good thing because it gives him a chance to miss you and realize that he wants to get back together.
4. The No Contact Rule can help you avoid any further drama or conflict with your ex-boyfriend. If you are constantly arguing or fighting, it can be very difficult to move on and ell. By taking some space, he may be able to cultivate a more positive attitude towards you.
5. The No Contact Rule can help you focus on your own happiness. This is a time to focus on yourself and your own needs, without worrying about your ex-boyfriend. By taking care of yourself, you will be in a better place emotionally and mentally, which can make it easier to get over your ex and move on with your life. Ultimately, the benefits of the No Contact Rule are many, and it can be a powerful tool for anyone going through a breakup. If you are thinking about trying this strategy yourself, just remember to stay positive and stay focused on your own needs.
What is self-respect?
Self-respect is the ability to value and treat yourself with dignity and respect. It involves having a positive view of yourself and trusting in your abilities, as well as honoring your own needs and desires. Other aspects of self-respect include respecting others, standing up for yourself, speaking your mind, and taking care of yourself physically and emotionally.
Tips to develop and show self-respect
1. Develop a positive view of yourself
One of the most important things you can do for your self-respect is to develop a positive view of yourself. This means believing in your own abilities and trusting that you are capable of achieving your goals. It also involves accepting yourself for who you are, flaws and all. If you have trouble developing a positive view of yourself, try spending some time each day doing things that make you feel good about yourself, such as practicing self-care, working on a passion project, or spending time with loved ones.
2. Speak your mind and stand up for yourself
Another key aspect of self-respect is being willing to speak your mind and stand up for yourself. This means having the confidence to share your opinions and beliefs, even if they are different from others. It also means knowing when to say “no” and setting boundaries with others. If you find it difficult to speak up for yourself, try practicing in less challenging situations first, such as with friends or family members. Once you feel more confident, you can start speaking up in more difficult situations.
3. Honor your needs and desires
In order to show self-respect, it is important to honor your own needs and desires. This means listening to your gut instinct and following your heart, even if it means going against the grain. It also involves being kind to yourself and prioritizing your well-being, both physically and emotionally.
4. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally
In addition to honoring your needs and desires, it is essential to take good care of yourself on a physical and emotional level. This means eating healthy foods, getting enough sleep each night, taking time for relaxation and hobbies, and seeking professional help if you are struggling with your mental health.
5. Respect others
Finally, showing self-respect also involves respecting others. This means treating others with kindness and consideration, even if you don’t agree with them. It also includes being open-minded and listening to others’ perspectives, even if they are different from your own. By developing and showing self-respect, you can cultivate healthier relationships with others and a more positive view of yourself.
Conclusion
The No Contact Rule is a commonly recommended strategy for dealing with various relationship challenges.
This can help you take some time to reflect on your feelings and priorities and decide if you really want to get back together with your ex-boyfriend.
However, if you do decide to reach out to your ex, it is important to be honest, patient, and understanding.
This may help you rebuild trust and restore your relationship over time, but there is no guarantee that this will happen. Ultimately, whether or not the No Contact Rule is right for you depends on a number of different factors, including the reasons for your breakup, how long it has been since the split, and what you are hoping to achieve by getting back together.
There is no definite answer to this question, as the success of a relationship after no contact depends on a number of different factors. These can include how long it has been since the breakup, what led to the split in the first place, and what each partner hopes to achieve by getting back together. However, if you feel like no contact is the right strategy for you, it may help you to work through some of the challenges in your relationship and to improve your chances of getting back together with your ex-boyfriend.
Breaking the no contact rule can have negative consequences for your relationship, such as making it harder to rebuild trust and restore your connection with your ex-boyfriend. However, if you do break this rule unintentionally or by accident, there is no need to worry. Simply take some time to reflect on what happened and try to avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future.
The decision to text your ex-boyfriend first after no contact is a personal one, and there is no right or wrong answer. Ultimately, it depends on factors such as how long it has been since the breakup, what led to the split in the first place, and what you are hoping to achieve by getting back together.
📌 Author's Note from Lola & Ola: If you are reading this right now, we know the heartbreak of watching the desire, intimacy, and warmth fade out of your relationship. We survived our own marriage completely dying at the 9-year mark and rebuilt a 20+ year roadmap from it. Before you dive into the details below, grab our complete book Get My Marriage Back for FREE right now so you have an immediate, step-by-step action plan to turn things around.
In this article, we will discuss how to fix a broken relationship even if it’s within a marriage.
May be you feel like all hope is lost… relax…. read this first.
Why Do Relationships Break Or Fail?
There are many reasons why relationships fall apart.
It could be that you and your partner have grown apart over time and now have different interests, goals, and values.
It could be that you’re unable to resolve conflict in a healthy way, or that one or both of you tend to withdraw or shut down when things get tough.
It could be that you have different ideas about how to handle finances, child-rearing, or other important life decisions.
Whatever the reason is, if you find yourself in a failing or broken relationship, it’s important to be intentional with your actions or lack there of.
Otherwise, the situation is likely to only get worse.
The simple truth is that we are humans.
We’re complicated.
And relationships between complicated humans are even MORE complicated.
#1. Trust Has Left The Building
The cement of your relationship is Trust. without it, your relationship will fail.
Trust issues are very common.
Trust issues usually start in our childhood.
We learn them in our families.
And then we bring them into our relationships.
When we stop trusting ourselves, we stopped trusting others.
And when we stop trusting others, we stop trusting ourselves.
Trust is a two-way street.
Some of the bad things that happen when you lose trust are:
Infidelity
Jealousy
Anxious behavior
Smothering
Insecurities
And a whole lot more.
The first thing you need to do is to figure out whether your trust issues are because your partner is not trust-able
…OR these are anxiety and insecurity issues inside of you.
Then you have to work on getting reconnected to your partner.
I’ll tell you more about how to do that in a bit.
#2. Your Communication Sucks
This is another one of those very common reasons relationships start to fall apart.
If you’re not communicating well, then you’re not going to be able to meet each other’s needs.
You’re always going to have misunderstandings and a deep breakdown of connection.
Communication is one of the most important factors in a relationship because it’s how you navigate with your partner
If your communication isn’t in sync and compatible, you will definitely have problems.
And eventually, you will turn to a therapist or counselor to help you with them.
But chances are it will be too late.
Make sure you’re always working on your communication.
Not just with your romantic partner, but with everyone in your life.
#3. You are on different maps/timetables
Sometimes it just happens that we are on different time schedules, or in different places in our life.
The timing is just wrong.
It can be hard to see this when you want a relationship to work.
But sometimes the situation is out of your control and you just need to walk away.
And sometimes you meet in the same place but you’re going at different speeds.
So you fall out of step with each other.
He might be going slower, and you might be moving faster towards your relationship goals.
You have to decide for yourself if you’re willing and patient enough to go at your partner’s speed.
Sometimes this means you have different priorities at the moment.
You may want to start a family, but he wants to start a business.
This will be something you must navigate and negotiate along the way if you want it to work.
#4. You’re just not a match
Very frequently, I see couples that get together and start a relationship.
But they didn’t ever stop to really make sure the other person was right for them.
One or both of them was just desperate to get into a relationship as fast as they could.
So they threw their needs out the window and ignored how wrong this person was for them.
They might have been seeking relief from anxiety, or from loneliness. But for whatever reason, they didn’t choose well.
If each person in a relationship is completely healthy, then they could probably start a relationship with almost anybody.
But compatibility is a huge issue if you are not in a whole and healthy place with your own self-esteem and self-worth.
One of the biggest love myths out there is that love conquers everything.
The good news is, that there are relationship advice that you can execute to repair the damage.
#1. Talk about what’s going on
The first step is to talk about what’s wrong.
You need to express your feelings and needs in a way that is respectful and non-blaming.
If you can’t do that, I recommends seeing a therapist or counselor who can help you learn how to communicate effectively.
#2. Make time for each other
One of the biggest reasons relationships fail is because couples don’t make time for each other.
Life gets busy and before you know it, you’re living parallel lives under the same roof.
You need to make time for each other—time to talk, time to connect.
#3. Be willing to compromise
In any relationship, there are going to be times when you have to compromise.
You might not always get your way, but that’s OK.
The important thing is that you’re both willing to give a little.
#4. Learn to forgive
If you want your relationship to thrive, you need to learn to forgive.
We all make mistakes—we’re only human.
The key is to not hold onto the anger and resentment.
If you can learn to let go, it will do wonders for your relationship.
#5. Don’t take each other for granted
One of the easiest ways to kill a relationship is to take your partner for granted.
We all need to feel valued and appreciated.
If you stop doing the things that made your partner fall in love with you in the first place, don’t be surprised if they start to look elsewhere.
#6. Keep the romance alive
Another common mistake couples make is letting the romance die.
It’s important to keep the spark alive.
Do the things you used to do when you were first dating—go on dates, have fun together, show each other how much you care.
#7. Work as a team
In any relationship, it’s important to remember that you’re on the same team.
You’re in this together, so you need to work together to make it work.
That means being supportive, understanding, and helpful—even when you don’t feel like it.
#8. Don’t try to change each other
One of the biggest mistakes couples make is trying to change each other all in the name of duty and responsibility forgetting that it is a romantic relationship at the end of the day.
You need to accept each other—flaws and all.
If you can learn to love and accept each other just as you are, it will do wonders for your relationship.
#9. Communicate, communicate, communicate
If there’s one piece of advice that experts agree on, it’s that communication is key to a successful relationship… to put more accurately… EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION.
You need to be able to talk to each other—about everything.
The more you communicate, the closer you’ll become .
#10. Develop Listening Skills
It is impossible to avoid arguments in any relationship.
And in those moments, it is equally impossible to prevent different perspectives of understanding right and wrong and ways of solving problems.
In such circumstances, there is no limit on what is required to be said and heard by both parties, which is necessary.
Because sometimes, or most of the time, the conversation becomes so fierce that the very limit of speaking is violated.
Due to a lack of listening ability, you take some such steps in anger which directly damages the relationship.
#11. Accepting the Circumstances and Your Partner
Circumstances can never be right and wrong in relationships.
Didn’t you see people coming together in bad times?
Haven’t you noticed people make or break in bad times?
If you look at history, you will find hundreds of examples where people came together in worse conditions, whether WWI or WWII.
Whether it’s raising a voice against racism or sexism.
People always came together to face the storm and grow out of them.
It is all up to our belief whether we can adapt to the circumstances or not.
We should always learn from bad times and always make good use of good times.
That’s the key to getting along with your partner.
#12. The Initiative Is Crucial to Overcome Relationship Struggles
Whether your relationship is on the verge of breaking or you are going through many troubles, if you want to stay with your partner and feel that everything will be right after a while, then the initiative you take to repair your relationship is always proven effective.
After a big fight, if you take the initiative and make your partner feel that they are more important than your needs, then believe that your initiative is commendable enough to strengthen your relationship.
The initiative will always be needed to keep the relationship successful and constantly fresh; a good initiative always brings closeness.
#13. Apologize To Restore the Relationship
One of the hallmarks of a bad relationship is that both sides see apologizing as their weakness, due to which they feel hesitant to apologize even if they want.
According to the study, ‘The Psychology of offering an Apology by Karina Schumann it’s proposed that the reasons why people hesitate to offer an apology or high-quality apologies are,
Low concern for the victim or relationship,
The perceived threat to self-image,
And perceived apology ineffectiveness.
But, if you want to fix your relationship, you must rise above these barriers.
Because if you don’t, what you do is end the 1% scope of repairing a broken relationship.
To cherish any relationship, it is as essential to apologize as to give forgiveness; it is precisely the same as washing and drying cloth.
Here, both water and sunlight make the cloth wearable.
Similarly, both apologizing and offering forgiveness make the relationship believable.
But be sure to be clear on why you are apologizing and ensure you’ve taken enough time to assess what went wrong; be intentional.
#14. Understand Your Moral, Social, and Personal Circle
Even though your relationship is going through a bad phase – facing trust issues, anxiety, separation, etc., if you are fulfilling your moral responsibility towards your partner, you are trying to take your relationship in the right direction.
Here you have a sense of moral obligation and personal or social commitments.
You know how to fulfill all these responsibilities well, then understand that you have almost saved your relationship from being ruined.
Because responsibilities always give strength, courage, and the ability to understand right and wrong.
And if you have all this in you, you will not let anything go wrong.
#15. Be Sure to Give Opportunities to Build Trust to Improve the Relationship
Trust issues in a relationship can never blossom a tree of love.
Therefore, in a broken relationship, it is necessary to create such opportunities to build trust between both parties, which can instill a sense of confidence in both parties towards each other.
And it’s not that it takes a lot of effort to build trust, it’s just small things that ensure that you have unwavering faith in your partner.
For example, if you have life insurance and your partner is a nominee in it, or they are your partner in any of your big projects, or you take your partner’s advice for small household needs.
Now it comes to how do you determine the opportunities to build trust?
Well to build trust you need combined forces of different human fundamental aspects.
You cannot build trust all alone.
And the aspects are,
Transparency.
Respect and…
Loyalty.
Without these, it’s impossible to trust or build it in any given situation.
Let’s discuss each in detail.
#16. Loyalty Is Essential to Keep Yourself Away From a Damaged Relationship
You have to be loyal to your partner to mend a deteriorating relationship because you must understand that hurting feelings will prove fatal for any relationship.
If you are lying to your partner or have a relationship with someone else, then understand that you are not paying attention to your partner’s needs
You don’t care if your infidelity can lead to your partner getting depressed and how bad the outcome will be.
If you are not loyal to your partner, then understand that you do not respect your relationship at all.
And where there is no respect, there’s no love.
And where there’s no love, there’s no relationship.
It has been destroyed.
Also, if you’re not loyal, you cannot expect your partner to be loyal.
Once you cross your line, they might probably cross as well.
And thus, you’ve both entered the phase of a broken relationship.
#17. Controlling and Managing Your Expectations
If the ambition and expectations start exceeding the limit in any relationship, whether the relationship of friendship, husband-wife, or business, then understand that the seeds of condemnation, neglect, and hatred have been planted in that relationship.
It is essential to regulate and control the expectations to live in harmony because the human mind always craves to get something new and thrilled.
And this craving starts to take away that person from his/her loved ones.
The person begins to remain irritable… resentment
He starts to force his people to satisfy his craving which further gives birth to instability in the relationship.
When his expectations don’t get fulfilled, he starts to blame his people.
Both the parties in the relationship should set their expectations according to their partner’s economic, social, and family situation.
This situation can be better controlled by mutual coordination.
#18. Do Not Take Any Wrong Decisions Under Stress or Anger
When the relationship starts deteriorating, it is natural for the person associated with that relationship to go into depression.
But can that person improve his relationship by making some wrong decisions due to depression?
You should answer this.
What’s your mind saying?
What’s your first reaction?
I believe it’s NO.
By taking a bad decision, you are harming yourself and the people you love.
Instead of fixing your relationship with one wrong decision, you are on the contrary worsening it even more.
In a deteriorating relationship, the person makes some bad decisions, such as drinking or getting intoxicated, abusing the partner, harming them, trying to hurt himself, not showing respect to the people in the relationship, adopting bad habits, etc.
Due to even more wrong decisions, a person tends to end the relationship forever.
And from there, it becomes tough to improve the relationship.
Therefore, make every noble effort to fix your relationship with thoughtfulness so that your relationship becomes stronger… be intentional.
#19. Seek professional help
If you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to be working, it may be time to seek professional help.
A professional can help you learn how to communicate effectively, resolve conflict, and deal with other issues that may be affecting your relationship.
While it’s not always easy, repairing the damage in a relationship is possible—if you’re willing to put in the work.
With patience, understanding, and a little effort, you and your partner can get back on track and build a stronger, more intimate connection.
What makes a healthy relationship?
Every relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons.
Part of what defines a healthy relationship is sharing a common goal for exactly what you want the relationship to be and where you want it to go.
And that’s something you’ll only know by talking deeply and honestly with your partner.
However, there are also some characteristics that most healthy relationships have in common.
Knowing these basic principles can help keep your relationship meaningful, fulfilling, and exciting whatever goals you’re working towards or challenges you’re facing together.
A. You maintain a meaningful emotional connection with each other.
You each make the other feel loved and emotionally fulfilled.
There’s a difference between being loved and feeling loved.
When you feel loved, it makes you feel accepted and valued by your partner, like someone truly gets you.
Some relationships get stuck in peaceful coexistence, but without the partners truly relating to each other emotionally.
While the union may seem stable on the surface, a lack of ongoing involvement and emotional connection serves only to add distance between two people.
B. You’re not afraid of (respectful) disagreement.
Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree.
The key to a strong relationship, though, is not to be fearful of conflict.
You need to feel safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation, or insisting on being right.
C. You keep outside relationships and interests alive.
Despite the claims of romantic fiction or movies, no one person can meet all of your needs.
In fact, expecting too much from your partner can put unhealthy pressure on a relationship.
To stimulate and enrich your romantic relationship, it’s important to sustain your own identity outside of the relationship, preserve connections with family and friends, and maintain your hobbies and interests.
D. You communicate openly and honestly.
Good and effective communication is a key part of any relationship.
When both people know what they want from the relationship and feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears, and desires,
…it can increase trust and strengthen the bond between you.
In Conclusion…
Good, healthy relationships will sometimes be challenging.
But it’s all worth it.
You and your partner put yourselves through the challenge for the good things that come from a relationship.
Remember that this is always the case, even during the best phases of a relationship.
The challenge is further amplified during or after a separation.
Our faulty ideas of love, alone, won’t keep a relationship functioning.
It needs care and attention to allow both partners to grow and develop throughout its course.
A relationship can’t stay like it is during the first stages, skillful partnership will be required to make things work.
A healthy relationship will only happen if both people are prepared to work at the outcome, making sure all of the key elements work.
The most difficult challenges can be overcome with two people working together, for the mutual good.
If you have been going through difficult times, it can be hard to get a perspective on things.
It’s possible to do this with logical, sensible thinking.
Remember that the person you love has not disappeared, no matter what the circumstances.
You must reconnect with that person, allowing them to reconnect to you, in order to build or rebuild a solid, healthy relationship.
The main reasons why relationships fail are loss of trust, poor communication, lack of respect, a difference in priorities, and little intimacy.
A common trajectory for the end of a relationship is the slow tapering-off; a protracted period of tell-tale signs and wilful denial, as motivation to patch things up dwindles in one or both partners. A sudden, sharp break can feel more shocking, but it’s also clearer.
A toxic relationship is one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked. On a basic level, any relationship that makes you feel worse rather than better can become toxic over time.
📌 Author's Note from Lola & Ola: If you are reading this right now, we know the heartbreak of watching the desire, intimacy, and warmth fade out of your relationship. We survived our own marriage completely dying at the 9-year mark and rebuilt a 20+ year roadmap from it. Before you dive into the details below, grab our complete book Get My Marriage Back for FREE right now so you have an immediate, step-by-step action plan to turn things around.
So there will usually be a keynote speaker who will usually be a Pastor if the event is organized by a church.
In our opinion, this segment for the marriage retreat will probably be the least valuable for your marriage, and here is why.
The speaker would normally have their (not necessarily wrong) ideologies that either one of you as a couple will gravitate towards while the other may not be able to relate.
You will hear more generalized ideologies and beliefs more so than anything that addresses your unique situation.
Thing #8 – One Weekend Is Not Enough
Just as you should be aware of how realistic or unrealistic your expectations can be with respect to your partner, don’t expect a marriage retreat weekend to fix your marriage right away.
However, it can be powerful enough to trigger your marriage towards that direction even if it’s only one of you who is in the right space of mind.
Thing #7 – Role Play Exercises
Avoid marriage retreats that don’t involve some type of role-playing exercises because it is one of the most valuable parts of the experience especially for a couple in crisis.
When it comes to relationships, people can know 110% of the right things to do from a theoretical standpoint and fail woefully when things are playing out in real life.
This segment is great for weeding out the hidden principalities that your marriage is up against when you interact with your partner.
A marriage retreat event where they don’t discuss this topic in detail and as vulgarly as possible is probably not going to help your marriage.
Sure you can regurgitate the same ‘ol advice such as love each other, go on weekly dates, learn the 5 love languages.
But many of the issues that couples deal with when it comes to lowered attraction, interest, seduction, intimacy, and sexlessness will remain unfixed without hitting the nail on the head.
Thing #5 – Q & A’s
Questions and answers segment is the most valuable part of a marriage retreat in our opinion because it creates at least a 2-way dialogue and conversation.
But depending on how much the couples in attendance feel safe, they will have questions particularly if the lecture or preaching session had an adequate impact.
When a speaker delivers pure preaching from any remotely judgemental standpoint, the attendees will not feel safe to ask quality questions because they don’t want to be judged.
If no one is asking questions, the next segment now becomes more important as it will help instigate a valuable dialogue.
Thing #4 – Case Studies & Discussions
This is a segment where a good speaker would present illustrations, stories, and real-life examples of other couples who failed and succeeded at navigating marriage.
As much as we like to point out how different and unique every marriage is…
And emphasize on why no 2 marriages should ever be compared to each other, there are predictable patterns across the board that we can all learn from.
So introducing other stories will help attendees find different hiccups they can relate with in order to learn certain moves and actions to embrace or avoid.
3 Deadly Things To Avoid With Marriage Retreats
We just discussed the 6 different segments of a quality marriage retreat to look forward to if you decide to enroll in one.
Here are the last 3 things from a marriage retreat that can break your marriage further apart; learn them so you can avoid them.
These 2 elements are the major enemies of relationships and especially marriage.
What many people tend to do is go to a marriage retreat and gather absolute and extreme ideologies they can use to manipulate their partner.
These ideologies usually start with “Married couples should…”, “A husband should…”, “A Wife should…” or “A real man should”.
These are double-edge swords with a minimum of 2 perspectives. “Shoulds” are not always your reality.
So, you are better off replacing them with finding the unique things you and your partner have in common and embracing differences that can help you complement each other.
Thing #2 – Duplication & Multiplication
Marriage retreat will tend to duplicate and multiply what your relationship already is if you do not leverage it to find out where you as an individual are contributing to what it already is.
Let’s break that down.
If your underlying relationship is trash, a marriage retreat has a way of making it more trash because of the heavy vibe of generalization at such events.
Thing #1 – Resentment From Comparison
When you are among so many other couples who may not be in any crisis like yours, it’s easy to start feeling like the grass may be greener on the other side.
This is especially true when your marriage is already in crisis.
It’s only natural in that space to start comparing your situation to other people’s situation who may just look better on the outside only.
Effectively, you start resenting your partner even more.
So be sure to engage in proper therapy, counseling, and coaching before exposing your marriage to so much energy that you do not understand; Just another thing to beware of.
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