“How Do You Tell If Your Wife STILL LOVES YOU After SEPARATION?”

Question: “How Do You Tell If Your Wife STILL LOVES YOU After SEPARATION?”

There are a couple of things that I wanted to mention here.

First of all, you don’t try to tell, it’s not worth it.

Here’s why,

I know you want your wife back or your family back and wanna make things work again,

…but we’re talking about emotional and psychological factors that play a big role in this situation.

If you don’t show that anyone else wants you or if you don’t show that you have options, there’s a good chance that your wife doesn’t want you back.

At least not yet.

So, How do you tell if your wife still loves you after separation?

You wait until she tells you.

That’s number one.

When she tells you that “I still love you”, believe her.

Even at that, you don’t want to just jump at it and like “I’m excited. She still loves me.”

You don’t wanna do that because that will backfire but if she hasn’t told you there’s a good chance that she’s not in love with you.

By the way, if your wife was ever your wife and she ever told you she loves you, she probably still loves you,

…But that’s a completely different thing from, she’s still in love with you.

Does she feel like she’s in love with you right now?

There’s a good chance that she’s not.

It depends on how particular you are about that.

You don’t wanna make that a big deal, if you make it a big deal that becomes a big deal.

If she’s not in love with you right now, she’s just not in love with you right now.

It’s temporary.

PREVIOUS POST: 3 Signs My SEPARATED WIFE Wants to RECONCILE

Depending on your level of patience and if you’ve been working on yourself, that is what’s going to determine if she will ever come back to you,

…or if she will ever say to you that she loves you.

See, a woman will not tell you she loves you if she doesn’t feel like she’s in love with you.

Love and Being in Love with you are two different things.

Loving a person is the action thing that you do.

There are multiple different meanings of love but for the purpose of the scope of this video,

…we’re talking about being in love with you, or she loves you.

She can tell you should love you and not be in love with you.

That really doesn’t do you any good.

The real question you’re trying to get answered is that,

…is she in a place where she can come back to you, if she can come back home or if you can go back home, because you’re in the midst of a separation.

I would say you’re worried about the wrong things.

So first of all, wait for her to tell you.

There are a lot of things that will happen before she actually gets to tell you that she loves you again.

Which means she feels like she’s in love with you.

A lot of things that have to align depending on the damages that your marriage has encountered over time.

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How far is the damage?

We don’t know, I don’t know unless I actually coach you personally and I talked to you.

So I don’t know the extent of the damages but either way, it doesn’t matter.

You’re gonna have to have what I call infinite patience.

You have to have patience.

That’s extremely difficult when you don’t have a personal purpose and mission in life that basically preoccupies your time,

… that you don’t really have time to be wondering if she still loves you or not.

So if you’re wondering if she still loves you or not, there’s a good chance that she’s not attracted to you right now.

There’s a good chance that you have too much time in your hands and you’re busy wondering if she still loves you.

You need to find a way to deliberately create attraction between you and your wife in a way that she’s the one that starts to wonder about you.

If she starts to wonder about you, that’s directly equivalent to still in love with you, wanting to get back with you, wanting to move back home or asking you to come back home.

Basically saying, “I love you. I want us to work on it now”.

Now, how patients can you possibly be in order to wait for that to happen?

If you don’t feel like you can be that patient, that’s exactly why she doesn’t love you right now.

Basically, you don’t respect yourself.

You don’t have self respect, you don’t have self love, you don’t have a healthy level of pride about self love.

To the extent where, I’m not telling you to be arrogant.

That’s not what I’m telling you.

I’m just trying to tell you that she doesn’t want you if you don’t come off as confident about yourself.

She will probably not want you, she’s not the only one that won’t want you.

Everybody else would not want you if they feel like you’re lacking confidence because there’s something that all of us are attracted to.

Even us men as far as being attracted to a woman, we love a confident woman.

You love a confident woman.

She also loves a confident man.

So how can you showcase confidence?

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

How can you showcase confidence that “well, she’s gonna come back to you. She belongs with you”

See that attitude?

It’s not an attitude as negative or arrogant or nasty or narcissistic in any way.

It’s an attitude of confidence that you know that God has the best for you and any time you see her,

…I just showcase that by still being loving.

I’m not saying you love her, but being loving, friendly and giving her the freedom to decide when she wants to come back to you.

That’s how you tell if your wife still loves you.

How do you tell if your wife still loves you after separation?

Wait for her.

The real question is that, “how can I tell if you still love yourself?”

I can’t tell that you still love yourself.

You may love yourself but I can’t tell you still love yourself enough for her to love you,

…because you are still asking this question, How do you tell if your wife still loves you after separation?

How about getting the attitude of,

“she loves you anyway, I know she loves me anyway but I’m gonna wait for her to tell me, and I’m gonna move on until then. I’m gonna live my life,a blissful, happy, fruitful, purposeful, mission driven life”

…Because that’s exactly what’s gonna attract that.

That’s all I have for you on this video.

Hopefully you’ve been enlightened and educated.

Go to LolaAndOla.com and go get your hands on the book ”Get My Marriage Back”.

You need to read the book 10 to 15 times.

If you cherry pick around videos, it won’t work.

You need to learn the skills of attracting a woman even if she is separated from you,

…by the way, it’s easier if he’s separated from you but you have to learn the skill set.

That’s all I have, see you on the next one, peace.

3 Signs My SEPARATED WIFE Wants to RECONCILE

Question: “3 Signs My SEPARATED WIFE Wants to RECONCILE”

Today I want to share with you the “3 Signs My separated wife wants to reconcile”.

So there are three signs that I want to share with you,

…there are probably a couple more signs than three, but these three are the most important as far as I can see.

You didn’t just get here overnight like your separation did not just happen overnight, right?

Things started to happen probably over years, for the most part it’s over a year.

Bottom line is that over a period of time, there was a breakdown in your relationship or in your marriage and it led to a separation.

It’s not a matter of right and wrong as usual, it’s not a matter if who is more right who is more wrong.

It’s about who wants the marriage back and who wants to get back together.

Whoever is the one who wants the marriage back is the one that needs to seemingly do most of the work,

I used the word seemingly very carefully because a lot of time people may be quiet.

They may seem like they shut down and they don’t want the marriage back,

…but they are in fact doing most of the emotional work involved in potentially getting the marriage back.

It’s painful for anyone to want to end a marriage, even if they’re the one initiating in ending the marriage.

It’s a painful thing to go through for both the person who shuts down and the person who got shut down on.

With that being said, let’s get into the 3 Signs:

1. She is friendly.

PREVIOUS POST: How do I deal with an Annoying Wife?

So if she’s being friendly, it’s not a 100% green light but it’s somewhat a yellow light.

You know there are certain countries, just in case you don’t know,

There are certain countries in the world that the yellow light comes on first before the green light comes on.

Here in the United States, it’s not like that.

It goes from red to green and then you can take off, but there’s some certain part of the world where it goes to yellow first.

Just like saying “Get ready you’re about to take off” right?

You don’t want to look up for some kind of yellow light and that’s usually when she’s being friendly.

It’s not a guarantee that she’s ready to get back together, but at that point in time, you also can let down your guard.

See, you may think you’re the one that wants the marriage back and you’re the one doing most of the work.

Like I said earlier, that’s not necessarily true.

That would only be true if there is no emotion involved in the situation.

Some people, the way they shut down is by literally expressing to you that they want out,

…some people are by begging that they want to keep the marriage.

You can in fact be saying “I want to keep the marriage”, but in fact you have exited and that’s what caused the breakdown of the marriage (topic for another day).

Again, if she’s being friendly, that could be a sign that she’s ready to reconcile,

…that doesn’t mean you should run towards her and start going crazy.

You’ll find out why I say that in sign number 3.

2. She Spends Time Around You.

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Typically, when somebody is not open to the idea of reconciling, they don’t want to spend time with you.

As a matter of fact, you’ll notice that even if they have to drop off babies, they want to drop off the babies and just keep it moving.

If they have to end up in a situation in the room with you, with other friends, they tend to avoid that,

… because they’re going through the emotional turmoils of the breakdown of the relationship.

They feel hurt, the keyword is Feeling Hurt.

So you don’t want to dwell on the fact that they are hurt or maybe you’re the one that hurt them.

You don’t wanna be too particular about that.

If they feel hurt, validate that and it’s okay, it doesn’t mean you hurt them but they feel hurt.

So that’s typically what happens when a person is exiting a relationship or they’re not in a position to reconcile.

They don’t want to spend time with you.

But with time, if you give them time, they tend to look into the past with a rose gold color lens.

They’ll look at the good things if you stay out of their face, if you give them that time.

So if you’ve given them that time and they start to spend some time with you.

Subconsciously they start to forget the bad experiences that made them decide that they wanted to exist in the first place and they start to spend time with you…

That could be a good sign that they want to reconcile.

3. You Have Worked on Yourself.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

See, it doesn’t matter if you feel like you’re not the one at fault.

It doesn’t matter if you feel like you’re the one that’s been lifting or carrying the marriage or relationship for a long time.

Something happened and usually it’s something about yourself about how you handle yourself emotionally.

We don’t know what that is unless I talk to you personally but something happened for sure 100% that was also part of the reason why the marriage or the relationship broke down.

Whatever that thing that happened, whatever that thing is, you need to figure it out

…and you need to work on yourself first, before you try to reconcile with your wife.

If you don’t, the next breakdown is gonna be worse and it could be a lot more damaging.

One of the things here is that you need to understand that time and patients are part of the formula to reconciling and bringing your marriage back to where you want it to be.

Into bliss and to happiness right.

So don’t shut yourself, don’t shortchange yourself when it comes to the time that’s required to do that,

…work on yourself.

If you’ve made sure that you’ve worked on yourself, you will also find out that sign #1 and #2 probably already started to play out.

Meaning they are being friendly (#1) and then they start to spend time around you (#2).

They could blame it on the children for any other reasons, it’s because of friends,

…but they are okay with the idea of spending time around you.

It’s usually a sign that you’ve worked on yourself, which is sign #3.

Those are the three signs that it may be time that your separated wife wants to reconcile with you.

Just make sure those three things are in place and then you can potentially look for signs to come in and ask for a date or to have a conversation,

But if you don’t see those signs, if you haven’t worked on yourself especially #3, don’t bother.

It’s not worth it to be in a toxic relationship or marriage, it’s just never worth it.

You wanna be in a relationship where people respect each other, where people are absolutely happy.

Giving each other freedom to be in that relationship, it needs to feel like freedom, period.

That’s all I have for you right now.

Go to LolaAndOla.com or you could simply go to GetMyMarriageBack.com and claim free access to the free book.

All you have to do is pay for the membership, It’s a one time fee.

We put a nice deal over there for you, you’re gonna get over $500 worth of bonuses.

Just for being a part of the membership or family here, where we basically work together to nurture marriages, to nurture families, to make sure that you don’t become a statistic.

That’s 50% horrible statistics of marriages falling apart.

That’s all I for you on this episode, we’ll see on the next one.

Peace.

“How Do I Deal With An ANNOYING WIFE?”

Question: “How do I deal with an Annoying Wife?”

How do I respond to an annoying wife?

How do I react to an annoying wife?

That question is quite pregnant with lots of things going on in it and we need to make sure we understand that question.

Where it’s coming from before we can properly address it.

Why are you attracting an annoying wife is really the first question.

Your wife is a new person every day.

Meaning they evolve, they grow and there are things going on with them personally, it’s a complete, total, different human being.

So there are gonna be things going on that you as another human being will not necessarily understand.

Probably will not understand or will never understand.

That’s okay.

You need to be okay with that in order to be in a relationship with another person.

How much more a Wife.

So, how do I deal with an Annoying Wife?

First of all, know that that’s okay.

You’re feeling the way you’re feeling right now but the first thing you wanna do is make sure you separate a couple of things.

There are two ways to respond or react that I wanna basically highlight right now.

It’s not about right and wrong so I’m not going to spend a lot of time on the right way or the wrong way to react.

What you want to focus on is the most profitable way or the most rewarding way to react to a person that you love, coming off as annoying.

The keyword phrase there again is “coming off”.

Is she just annoying or she’s coming off as annoying?

Was that based on something that’s going on with you personally because you may be in the space also, that everything is kind of ticking you off irritating.

Especially from the person that’s closest to you, the person that you love the most or the person that gives you the most affection,

…or the person that shares the most space with you in life that’s probably your wife.

With that being said, is it annoying or is it not annoying?

Let me acknowledge that you do feel how you feel and it’s absolutely valid.

PREVIOUS POST: “FIDELITY, MARRIAGE & HOLINESS”📍 John Gray

It is coming off as annoying, and that’s the fact.

Does that mean they are annoying?

Maybe not, maybe it’s about you, but that’s something you want to assess.

That’s something you want to make sure you are paying attention to.

Let me say it like this, there are 2 ways you want to look at it.

The first way is, first of all look at it as “What’s the best case scenario in this situation?”

What’s going on with you, with the dynamics of the relationship?

That’s a dynamic between your relationship, there’s something going on there, and you want to make sure you dig in deeper to that.

But the first way is, look at the best case scenario.

The second way is that you could react purely based on your feelings, and usually that doesn’t come off right,

Because your feelings are usually exaggerated forms of reality.

It’s never accurate, it’s based on so many different signals that could be coming into the dynamics of your relationship.

You wanna make sure that you’re paying attention to your feelings.

Understand that it’s absolutely valid but your reaction and how you respond, she probably shy away from that a lot.

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What does that require?

That’s gonna take a lot of work, patience and self control on your part because how you feel is how you feel, it’s annoying and naturally you want to overreact.

Why do we say overreact?

Maybe that’s not even an overreaction, maybe that’s offensive to you when I say overreaction,

…because the behavior of your wife right now feels like it warrants you reacting the way you feel like you need to react,

But the keyword over there again is “feelings” and feelings are never accurate.

There’s too many signals that come into what makes up your feelings, it could be how you are feeling today,

…Could be what’s going on or it could be the past week,

…Could be your finances, the personal finances.

Do you feel emasculated, or do you just feel like you’re not reaching your goals right now?

Why is it that you’re missing something there on how you could respond even in the midst of the worst chaos.

Even in the midst of the worst crisis ever, how would you remain a king in that situation?

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

So the best way to always react and respond when you feel (keyword:feeling),

…that your wife has been annoying, is to look at the best case scenario.

What’s the best case scenario?

She didn’t realize she’s annoying you and she really doesn’t mean to hurt you,

…She loves you, but yet maybe she’s going through something.

This is something you need to assess.

Take the time to assess why she’s feeling the way she feels or feeling like she has to be annoying to you or coming off as annoying to you.

Whatever that is, that’s the best case scenario and you need to do that work.

Figure that out, take the time to figure it out and by default patience and time is applied to whatever is going on and,

…with that kind of work put into your relationship, you will have the best relationships.

The best of relationships essentially, that most people will envy and will only dream about.

When I say a relationship,I mean marriage as well.

It’s the same thing, take the time to assess what’s going on.

How do I deal with an Annoying Wife?

Look at the best case scenario and see how you may have been attracting a wife who is coming off as annoying.

That’s where you need to put your work.

Don’t put your work into trying to change her, because again you are part of the reasons why.

You’ve created the dynamics in your relationship.

You are at least 50% of that. 

That’s where you need to put the focus on.

How could you apply some things to make things better, to attract the right type of wife?

That’s your responsibility and when I say responsibility, it has nothing to do with fault or guilt or none of that.

With that being said, go to LolaAndOla.com and you need to read that book 10 to 15 times.

Go grab it.

You could claim a free book and we’ll ship it to you, all you have to do is pay for the shipping.

I’ll see you on the next one and peace.

“FIDELITY, MARRIAGE & HOLINESS”📍 John Gray

Question: “Fidelity, Marriage & Holiness”

In particular we are talking about holiness.

So there’s this video that John Gray said:

“For those who need to hear me say this. The name of the Lord is holy. The standard is holiness. The word of God is utterly holy. He is not to be toyed with. Church is not a gain and pastors are held to the highest of standards, moral integrity, character when no one is looking, fidelity and faithfulness in marriage and for me, not submitting to process, not staying accountable and not utilizing the voices available to teach me the tools have caused me to make bad decisions.”

For a minute I got confused there, I thought he was gonna say “Touch not my anointed”.

But if you read between the lines, you will know that that’s really what he meant.

I’m just used to “touch not my anointed one” because that’s how our own Nigerian pastors…

That’s how they say “don’t judge me, how dare you” that’s what I was getting from there but in a different form.

I was expecting him to say “Touch not my anointed”, the usual one that they say.

But he did say it in a different form and then at the end of the day he is saying he didn’t take accountability,

…I mean his whole message is confusing.

Many pastors I know are really struggling with their marriages and the only common thing with them is because they are all pastors.

And these are all extremely huge pastors.

Big pastors, some of them are still very loud about how a woman should be submissive.

That’s to support the point we are making here.

It’s bigger than just your holiness Bro.

Maybe striving for holiness is better than holiness because Holiness is not attainable.

PREVIOUS POST: “Remorse vs Repentance”📍 John Gray

Can we just be honest about that?

But we are not gonna say like that because people should still strive to be better people.

I believe in people striving to be better people than this holiness thing.

The reason why I kick against like that, I know to certain church people they are gonna be like “what do you mean?” I get it.

Your chest comes out when you hear “Holiness is not good enough” I get it but I didn’t mean to say that,

Just like John Gray did not mean to say “touch not my anointed” but that’s actually what he said by saying holiness.

It’s not relevant, that’s the point.

So Fidelity, Marriage & Holiness.

You’re right, you’re wrong.

It clearly doesn’t matter and I know maybe I didn’t bring enough samples but there’s more than enough samples out there,

…and as we said earlier, a lot of pastors suffer in marriage or their wife is suffering in the marriage at least,

Because their outlook on life is this holiness thing and they can’t live up to that standard unfortunately.

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John Gray cannot live up to this standard.

He is still busy presenting that he can’t.

Talking about Fidelity, Marriage & Holiness, we are asking something simple, as simple as faithfulness to your wife.

We are not even asking him but he decided to come and share that, after the blogs broke that out.

And you’re talking about holiness Bro?

You’re manipulating people, you are saying holiness is the standard.

Standard of what?

Nobody is arguing about that.

That’s the point I’m making.

Nobody is arguing that holiness is the standard when talking about the bible, but we are talking about a real human being in your house,

… that you just hurt because you told them that you are gonna be faithful to them and your lifestyle and you being a pastor and she is also a pastor Mrs,

You can’t even live up to that and you are talking about Fidelity, Marriage & Holiness.

Are you confused or something?

So this is the confusion that’s going on everywhere.

You can see it everywhere.

Keep it simple, with regards to Fidelity, Marriage & Holiness,

Let’s not worry about holiness, let’s not worry about you being God.

Let’s just start with, you’re human.

We just found out that you’re human, you just found out that you are human let’s focus on that.

So remove yourself and don’t worry about the blogs.

Let them go crazy.

See, wise people, the most powerful people in the world will probably let the blogs go crazy.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

They let them knock themselves out and say “Oh what happened, you found out that I slept with your dog yesterday? Knock yourself out okay?”,

…God forbid I didn’t sleep with a dog really.

You know what I’m saying.

Knock yourself out.

Why do you feel the need to come and respond so quickly?

It tells me you are guilty and I don’t even like pointing out guilt, but because we are humans, like we just said,

We are humans so just let it go.

You have to learn how to let go.

Yes they are talking about you right now you are making the news, there was a real video, we get it.

Put out a statement through a PR.

No need to apologize because your apology is useless right now and especially to your wife, sadly.

Your apology is useless and most apologies are useless.

Let’s just put that out like that.

When it comes to the holiness situation with church folks, I don’t even get involved because I don’t consider myself a holy person.

I’m not even gonna sit down there and argue with you.

I just don’t know why I would be fighting.

People who try to present themselves as holiness or a holy person, it’s a waste of energy for the most part.

No one is perfect.

Though you can try to be a better person than you are yesterday.

You can work on that because that’s easier.

Don’t waste your energy on holiness.

It’s a waste of energy honestly and you are not gonna attain it.

Let’s just be practical, it’s never gonna happen as long as you’re human, good luck on that.

Even Jesus was knocked to the wood eventually so who are you, you are not holy.

Stop talking about holiness as the standard.

Who are you?

Holiness can be a bastard.

It becomes pride for some people you know.

“Remorse vs Repentance”📍 John Gray

Question: “Remorse vs Repentance”

These are John Gray’s words,

…like we said earlier he is a very very wise guy, he has a lot of things he can teach people but clearly not at this part.

“Remorse or Repentance. I have learned that remorse simply means: I’m sad because you found out. Repentance is: I’m sorrowful and I will change.”– John Gray

Alright like we said, he is a wise guy…

He is wise with the words.

I agree with what he said but what I would remove from that is when he said “I’m sorrowful and I will change”.

I agree with that except the part where you have to say it.

Like he is saying, let me come and apologize.

Let me come and say to you that I’m sorrowful and I would change.

Why should I believe you?

This is not the first or the second.

They are not gonna believe you.

The person you are apologizing to will not believe you simply because if it was that simple, you will fix it.

And he also said that remorse is, “I’m sad because you found out”,

…like I’m not really sad it’s just that I’m sorry I got caught.

But Remorse is it that?

I didn’t really feel that way until he said it, I don’t necessarily agree with that.

I think that’s just him being overly wise with his words.

See, I’m gonna have to go to google for that cause to me I feel like remorse is genuine,

but now I’m finding that hard that remorse is not that necessarily genuine.

From what I understood, remorse and repentance go hand in hand.

Google says, Remorse is a deep regret or guilt for a wrong committed.

So what do you mean I’m sad, no it’s not remorse, maybe there is a different word for what he said which is “I’m sad that you found out”.

That’s an apology, how about that?

That’s why you give a premature apology and you are asking for forgiveness.

PREVIOUS POST: “Is infidelity God’s FAULT?”📍 John Gray

When you apologize over and over again because you are only sad,

…because you got found out and you are trying to quick-fix it.

Can you imagine how disgusted the wife is?

That’s what happens when you over apologize.

She is disgusted, she would be like “get out of my face, you don’t mean what you are saying, you just want me to say I forgive you right now. And I don’t want you in my face”

Kenny says “Remorse is showing that you genuinely regretted it happened”.

That’s what I thought, that can lead to repentance.

So it’s not a bad thing to be remorseful,

What’s bad is this whole apology thing.

This apology one day after he got found out is a sign that you are just sad because people found out.

That’s more like it.

What happens when things happen to you?

You just go quiet in a corner and deal with your demons, but with social media these days,

…everybody is easy to talk to , easy to type this and that and that’s what is making it worse.

That’s why we made this video right here because a lot of people misconstrue remorse, repentance and apology.

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Changed behavior is what we need ultimately.

I think that’s what women really need, not the apology.

Look, you already embarrassed me and now the whole world knows that I am married to a guy that is disrespectful,

…because he is doing this the second time or I don’t know how many times he did it,

but you know, you’ve embarrassed me and now you are out here talking about how you would change and apologize.

I just wanna see you change already!

I wanna see it in action.

That’s what his wife is probably thinking.

I’m a woman too and I know what that feels like.

I’m just saying that you know like “oh because you got caught”, who knows how many you’ve done you know.

This one came out but we don’t know, it’s a tough one.

Kenny says “step aside for a while and think about what you have done and how you could have done better and what you will need to do to fix it”

That’s what I’m talking about.

Step aside.

I don’t care how the world is coming at you, don’t even pay attention to do that.

Why is it difficult for people to step aside?

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

Because they are on freakin’ social media, blogs, reading comments…

And because it’s the obsession with fixing things.

It’s the obsession with fixing things.

That’s what’s more important to them than the right behavior in the first place.

And the only way to get into changed behavior is time.

You don’t have to prove that now.

Time heals.

I really believe in time, so just give it time.

This woman can’t be mad forever, I mean if you are truly changing you’ll be surprised she falls in love back with you all over again like that thing never happened.

When people even ask “oh so you are taking him back even though he disrespected you?”,

… she would tell them to mind their own business.

That’s why you have to learn how to give it time.

All this much talk and no actions, it doesn’t make any sense.