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“Is infidelity God’s FAULT?”📍 John Gray

📌 Author's Note from Lola & Ola:
If you are reading this right now, we know the heartbreak of watching the desire, intimacy, and warmth fade out of your relationship. We survived our own marriage completely dying at the 9-year mark and rebuilt a 20+ year roadmap from it. Before you dive into the details below, grab our complete book Get My Marriage Back for FREE right now so you have an immediate, step-by-step action plan to turn things around.

Question: “Is infidelity God’s FAULT?”

“…why do you use me? I didn’t ask for this. You raised me up and I told you I’m not the one. I told you I got all of these stuff I have been praying for years, my answers never come. But I pray for others and you answer them right away. Why did you raise me up if you knew that I was gonna miss it and in the process of trying to serve you, my humanity would explode from behind the facade of religious perfection…” – John Gray

He just blamed God for everything, “I told you I’m not capable of being a pastor and you make me a pastor?”

But he’s been collecting the money.

He did a show called The Book of John Gray, I love that show.

He was also a background singer back in the day.

I actually think he is such a wise guy until this issue happened.

When he speaks, It’s his talent you can’t take that away from him.

A gift is a gift and he has that gift,

… but that doesn’t mean you are not going to be responsible for your emotional affairs or happenings.

See when you tender an apology too early this is what happens,

… you will say the wrong things.

First of all, that apology was too long.

He should have done the PR thing.

The wisest people in this world, what they do is they send a PR to go tender an apology statement because your truth varies.

Your truth now when this thing just happened is only based on your reaction.

While the truth you have a few weeks later from now would have changed because you would have settled in.

You would have used the wisdom of God to process what happened.

Plus, you will have more information and everything would have been calmed a little bit.

You are busy apologizing to the world, when that’s not the least of your issues because he said it, he is strong bone.

PREVIOUS POST: “The WRONG WAY To Take Responsibility”📍 John Gray

The person that covers him is his wife.

That’s the person that covers him but he is going to lose that.

Then come and give or tender his apology like a day after the news broke out,

…that you threw out completely under the bus?

Like come on.

So infidelity, what is it miscommunication?

Whatever he just did or he called it because “It wasn’t physical” so it doesn’t matter.

And all of this is God’s fault because God called him,

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…but he collects that money, he has been making money with his brand.

He is so manipulative.

He made so much money and bought a Lamborghini for the wife as the last apology.

Yes, the apology from some strange woman.

I mean, all these years I have been going to church, God forgive me, I didn’t know about the strange woman until they talked about that.

I was like “why is she saying strange woman like that”, the way she emphasizes on that strange woman…

Well, strange women and strange men, they are everywhere.

So, Is infidelity God’s fault?

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

No, infidelity is not God’s fault.

You have to be responsible with your own actions.

And when you are covering things up and then the wrong things are coming out of your mouth,

That’s what happens when you apologize too early.

Too early or premature apologies are manipulative.

There are other ways to fix emotional matters quickly.

It takes time.

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“The WRONG WAY To Take Responsibility”📍 John Gray

📌 Author's Note from Lola & Ola:
If you are reading this right now, we know the heartbreak of watching the desire, intimacy, and warmth fade out of your relationship. We survived our own marriage completely dying at the 9-year mark and rebuilt a 20+ year roadmap from it. Before you dive into the details below, grab our complete book Get My Marriage Back for FREE right now so you have an immediate, step-by-step action plan to turn things around.

Question: “The WRONG WAY To Take Responsibility”

What do you think of Pastor John Gray’s message below?

“…Things and blogs some of them accurate some of it not but all of it, my responsibility. I apologize for putting the name of God in harm’s way and I alone take the responsibility for the actions that harmed and injured God’s sheep. No matter how many pseudo excuses one can hurl in a moment like this for the purposes of self preservation, all of them ring hollow when all that is true…”

I sincerely wish that he would just excuse himself from church like “You know what, let me go get myself together”.

I really wish he didn’t have all these long speeches, it has no meaning.

It just makes him look worse.

He’s saying that he takes responsibility but in the same talking he is saying not everything is accurate like, dude you are talking too much right now.

So the fact that he came and tendered this apology within a week of this news breaking out is a narcissist behavior.

He cares about himself more and what it looks like to the people.

That’s what it is.

But some people say something like, “You use a little piece of fart to mess up all of the apology that’s about to come”.

The part where he said “some of it accurate, some of it not”, that destroyed the apology because he is still being defensive.

That’s the problem.

You know, if you understand anything about emotional energy and how these things work, and the effect of everything you say…

starting from the first letter, it’s a domino effect, so if you say the wrong thing in the beginning you might as well not worry about saying the right things.

Because that one thing was stamped in the head of the person.

So when he said “the blogs some of it accurate”, that means the news that they released to the blog and “some of it not” that destroyed every piece of apology what he is about to give.

That’s the wrong way to take responsibility.

PREVIOUS POST: “Is PHYSICAL A Worse Offense Than EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY?”📍 John Gray

It’s definitely the wrong way to apologize.

If an apology was ever needed, that’s definitely the wrong way to apologize.

And it’s the wrong way to ask for forgiveness because you are still saying it’s their fault.

Even though in that same sentence, in the same breath, you said “I take responsibility for it all”,

…no dude you said in the beginning.

That first thing you said has that much weight because the weight is not based in just one word, the weight is based on the impact that it puts on the particular situation that is going on.

You know, the idea is just supposed to take responsibility but you added some of that responsibility…

you’ve added a blame a little bit.

So you are saying “they are not accurate… I take responsibility”,

No.

You didn’t take responsibility because your action speaks louder than your words.

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Even the body language says that “I just wanna be holy and tell you that it was not my fault. It was the blog’s fault but I am going to pretend that I meant it was my fault but…”

You are confused you should have taken the time, that will be humbling yourself and listening to what just happened.

Clearly you made the mess because you were the one talking on the video, to the side piece.

Yeah… There’s a video, that’s the problem.

You can’t even argue with the video.

It is out there and you can’t come back from that.

Just let it go, take yourself into therapy or whatever you need to do to take care of this situation.

Take care of that.

But you can’t be in the face of people right now.

I wish he just took that time off and said “I need to get out of here”.

For a string of maybe three weeks or something.

So the best and right way to take responsibility, if you’ve offended your wife, which that’s what he should be focused on, not with the church.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

You know what, to hell with the church, he should be focusing with his wife right now because as the saying goes “Charity begins at home”.

If he focuses on his wife and his wife comes back to him in a good peace, people will have no choice but to respect that…

And people can tell by their actions.

If they want they should not respect it but I understand that he has to feed his family.

But there are ways to do that without him.

I’m just saying.

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“Is PHYSICAL A Worse Offense Than EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY?”📍 John Gray

📌 Author's Note from Lola & Ola:
If you are reading this right now, we know the heartbreak of watching the desire, intimacy, and warmth fade out of your relationship. We survived our own marriage completely dying at the 9-year mark and rebuilt a 20+ year roadmap from it. Before you dive into the details below, grab our complete book Get My Marriage Back for FREE right now so you have an immediate, step-by-step action plan to turn things around.

Question: “Is PHYSICAL A Worse Offense Than EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY?”

So John Gray got caught basically, and there is a video of him coming out talking to a side chick about his wife…

that the wife only gives pizza to the babies for dinner.

I don’t understand why men put their wives down.

Who cares if your wife is feeding you pizza in the house?

If you don’t like it you get in the kitchen or if you had a problem with that, why didn’t you talk to me?

Maybe I am not the easiest to talk to, but then maybe you can get yourself in the kitchen or come up with ideas…

Like getting a chef that would cook for us on a daily basis.

On one of John Gray’s Videos he said:

“This was not physical or sexual. I’ve only ever been with one woman, that is my wife.”

What do we have to say about that?

Saying that he is not physical but he is emotional, what difference does he make?

You are talking to another woman and being emotional is just like you already slept with a person…

because everywhere that your wife has been with you, they get to experience that.

You have bared your heart to this person.

Is Physical a worse offense than emotional infidelity?

If you have an emotional affair and that’s all you did and then you got caught, dude you missed out.

You might as well sleep with the person because you are going to receive equal amounts of scrutiny.

It’s just as bad.

You are going to hurt that person just as much, if not more because now you are going to be telling her that “I’ve never slept with this person”.

Now they are gonna look at you like a liar because they will never believe you.

They will punish you that much more because they are thinking in their head “no you already slept with this person”.

I mean honestly how would they know?

They weren’t there with you.

So if you were already sharing intimate conversations with your side chick and trying to bring her to the same hotel where you and your wife would go…

You might as well just have slept with the lady so you could just say “you know you are right. I slept” so you could get away quickly…

PREVIOUS POST: “What Do You Do When Someone REJECTS Your APOLOGY?”📍 John Gray

And maybe she will accept your apology a lot faster.

You are in the worst place when you truthfully haven’t slept with that person.

It’s the truth but she is not gonna believe you and your punishment will be twice.

So if you are going to apologize at all, the last thing you want to bring up is “it wasn’t physical”.

Dude, it doesn’t matter if it was physical or not… and pastor John Gray should know better.

Bottom line is that you are exchanging these intimate moments that are only designed for you and your wife… you broke that trust.

It’s the trust that you broke, that is the issue and not what really happened physically.

She doesn’t care if you slept with that person or not.

In fact, you putting that in the midst of your apology is making things worse.

So, Is Physical a worse offense than emotional infidelity?

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If that’s the question, it’s backwards… emotional is worse because you are going to get punished that much.

Even in terms of wasting all that energy on emotion, you might as well just go all in.

Once you start lusting after that, you have already sinned.

John Gray needs to get it together when it comes to that and I understand the pressure of being a pastor and also being human…

But that’s the part where you couldn’t stop walking.

The pressure has to be a lot more because he is a pastor.

And then he was saying that his wife does not feed them anything else but pizzas…

Come on, why are you saying these things about your wife?

Why are you painting your wife bad?

Is it to get empathy from your side chick or something?

I don’t understand.

This is common in some men, I won’t say all men because not all men do that…

some men, they will trash their wife just so they can get sympathy pussy.

If you have to trash one woman to get another woman, you don’t have a gain and you are a sorry case.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

That’s something that even young men who are not necessarily married should know.

Like if you broke up with somebody, always be good to them because they came into your life for a reason, you chose them.

So when you start speaking bad of them, you are speaking of yourself.

Like I said, it’s a lack of gain when you do that.

But some people are in a weak place, when they are engaged in an emotional affair.

Like a lot of people until they bring a baby into this world, they actually always had no intention of doing it.

If the devil approaches us with intentions, all of us will be perfect if we just make sure we have good intentions right.

Good intentions are overrated for a reason because the devil knows like “you don’t have that intention, but you are lacking emotionally somewhere”…

so he is going to bring someone who is going to fill that gap.

Then when that person fills that gap, you are still gonna be in denial like, “no I would never do that”

… and just wait and wait and wait until you are comfortable enough and admit that it really did happen.

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“How Do I APOLOGIZE for HURTING My Wife?”📍 John Gray

📌 Author's Note from Lola & Ola:
If you are reading this right now, we know the heartbreak of watching the desire, intimacy, and warmth fade out of your relationship. We survived our own marriage completely dying at the 9-year mark and rebuilt a 20+ year roadmap from it. Before you dive into the details below, grab our complete book Get My Marriage Back for FREE right now so you have an immediate, step-by-step action plan to turn things around.

Question: “How do I apologize for hurting my wife?”

John Gray is in the hot seat right now and is probably hoping that this whole thing will die down but he is not helping either because he issued an apology and I think we should play the apology first before we get into anything .

Here is John Gray’s apology:

“I wanna take this moment to tell you I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the areas of my life that I left unattended. That I was apathetic about. The areas where I have treated the calling of God, the grace of God and a hand of God casually in my life. For every area of behavior that has dishonor the holiness of God, I wanna tell you I’m sorry. There have been a number of things and blogs, some of them accurate, some of it not…”

His apology maybe is the right thing to do because he is a pastor in the church.

But talking to his wife, it just feels like it will cause more embarrassment.

For me, I don’t like the loud noise.

That’s bringing so much attention to us so in the moment we should shut it down.

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Let’s be quiet in the moment…

How do I apologize for hurting my wife?

What’s the right way to do that?

I don’t think you need to apologize to your wife in public… that can be done privately.

Apologizing in public is just an immediate reaction trying to save face, especially when the issues are so fresh right?

One thing you don’t want to do is feeding to the media,

… like right now they are talking about you and the next thing you wanna do is “Oh I’m sorry… blah blah blab”

The natural thing to do is want to react so I feel that he should have just left that for the moment and deal with his issues privately.

Church, yes because he is a pastor and I understand that he needs to say something, but I don’t like the public.


Well maybe the wife likes that, or she prefers that, but I don’t know because there are different kinds of women.

Some women can be like “you know what you dragged me out there, then I want you to apologize to me publicly“.

For me personally it doesn’t help.

I always come from the standpoint of “you are right”.

If you think you are right, you are right!… like who am i?, I don’t have the right to tell you you are not right.

That’s applicable to everything in life including relationship, marriage, apologies or whatever.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

If you feel like the right thing for you to do is to apologize, then you are right…

Now is that going to create the result you want, that is the story that we really should be talking about.

See, if you are worried about whether it is the right thing to do or not, you are always right.

Whatever you feel is right is right.

Is that gonna create the result that you’re looking to achieve, that’s where the work is and that’s where a lot of people miss it.

With that being said, the only time it will be right for you to tender an apology to either a wife or husband or anybody is when that person is asking for it.

Why?

Because you listen, that person is asking for it.

So if the person is asking for it and you truly feel that you should apologize, and there is nothing wrong with apologizing but if you are tendering an apology as a form of reaction to being called out.

You just got called out… you did something wrong and you just want to fix it immediately for the misery to go away.

The first thing that goes to your mind is to say I’m sorry.

That I’m sorry is gonna do more hurt.

It can be considered manipulation because you are manipulating.

That apology will hurt more than it will help you create the result you are looking for.

So, How Do I APOLOGIZE for HURTING my wife?

Well, first of all the best apology is Changed Behavior.

That’s gonna take time so there’s time and patience involved.

That means they may not be willing to hear you out right now, the best thing you want to do is stay away from giving them your mouth in every way that you can think of.

You stay away from that.

Let things calm down.

Let things simmer before you give apologies.

That’s why the apology that John Gray gave is premature.

It cannot possibly be authentic because it’s a reaction form of apology…

but how do I apologize for hurting my wife?

Listen…

Changed Behavior.

Take your time.

If she asks for an apology, then you can tender that in the form of words but the best apology is not words.

Your apology in the form of words is a lot more useful when the person is asking for it.

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How to Deal with an Unsupportive Husband ❤️

📌 Author's Note from Lola & Ola:
If you are reading this right now, we know the heartbreak of watching the desire, intimacy, and warmth fade out of your relationship. We survived our own marriage completely dying at the 9-year mark and rebuilt a 20+ year roadmap from it. Before you dive into the details below, grab our complete book Get My Marriage Back for FREE right now so you have an immediate, step-by-step action plan to turn things around.

What is an unsupportive husband?

If you have found yourself in a situation that makes you feel lack of support from your husband,

You may be wondering if you are now amongst the thousands of women dealing with an unsupportive husband.

Unsupportive Husband

So let’s dig in some 5 of the signs you should look out for.

In addition to that, we will talk about a few ways to attract the support you want from your husband.

Before we dive into the signs, it is important that you know that there is a difference between your feelings and reality.

Our feelings in general tend to exaggerate matters on ground.

Therefore making us attack the people we love and creating a back and forth mix of defensive and offensive behaviors.

You may be feeling unsupported and there may be a blurry line between that feeling and neediness.
Neediness will kill attraction in your marriage but it is quite possible that your husband is simply unsupportive.

So let’s get to the signs.

5 Signs of Unsupportive Husband

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SIGN #1 – He Treats You With Disdain

If you’ve found yourself in a marriage with a man who goes out of his way to make you feel unworthy, that’s a classic sign.

SIGN #2 – He Doesn’t Listen

It’s one thing to feel unheard but it’s another for your husband to shut you down every chance he gets to do that.

I don’t know which is worse but that is a sign that you are in a marriage with an unsupportive husband.

SIGN #3 – He Doesn’t Help

As a woman, not only does the society expect that you make sure all house chores are done, YOU probably have put that expectation on yourself.

If your husband doesn’t seem to put any effort into making sure you are not overwhelmed with this culture, he is not a supportive husband.

There are men that would be this way even when their wives are in illness or pregnant.

ON THE PREVIOUS POST:
Unhappy Marriage But Can’t Leave Does he Love Me

SIGN #4 – He is Abusive

There are 3 main different types of abuse namely:

  1. Verbal Abuse
  2. Emotional Abuse
  3. Physical Abuse

All 3 can end up in the same place; worst of which is death.

So make sure you seek professional help if you feel like you are in an abusive marriage.

That’s definitely a sign of an unsupportive husband.

SIGN #5 – He is Numb to Your Feelings

As a human being, we have feelings and yes they can be an exaggeration of reality.

But that is the more reason why the man in a marriage must be aware of those feelings.

If you can’t even get him to listen and see how you are “feeling” specifically, you may be in a marriage with an unsupportive husband.

Maybe he takes everything as an attack, gets defensive and never takes responsibility for the feelings in the marriage…

These are the common signs and issues that wives deal with in a marriage to an unsupportive husband.

Complacency can cause these behaviors; we tend to take each other for granted at some point.

If it’s that simple, you still deserve what you desire in a husband.

The first step is to communicate your feelings in words.

Make sure you are not just being needy and you are in a position where you can support yourself emotionally and in other areas.

If that hasn’t worked, you need to make yourself less available in the relationship and that should increase your value in the relationship.

Remember if you do not have a strong sense of self worthiness, no one else including your husband will find you worthy.

Below is a question for us to address with this lesson…

“What if you are trying everything to make your marriage happy again?

Going to a counselor is what we need.

But the other spouse doesn’t think you need it.

What do I do in that situation?

I am alone in this and trying to get him to see how I am feeling.

My husband isn’t supportive.”

Enjoy the video.

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