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3 Marriage Retreat Events That Will Break You & Your Partner Further Apart 💔

In this lesson, you will discover 3 things from a marriage retreat that can break you further apart from your spouse.

While marriage retreat can really help to revive your marriage with the first 6 things that I want to share with you first,

it is very important to note that it can create worse marriage conditions.

This lesson is especially for you if you feel that your marriage is potentially in crisis

and you are wondering if a marriage retreat can help rekindle things.

But first…

How Much Does A Couples Retreat Cost?

Some few years back, our Church youth ministry decided that it was time to put together a marriage retreat for young couples.

At that time, we had just started this platform where we are sharing some really unique

and unconventional perspectives to building a strong marriage.

We knew that there was probably nothing new we would learn at the retreat

so we added some humility with a desire to network and we registered for it.

The cost was $300 per couple.  

It was way cheaper than many of these marriage retreat packages out here that can range from $3,000 to $5,000.

Even at that cost, I don’t think that is as expensive as a broken marriage; so be aware of some perspective there.

So from that marriage retreat experience, we ended up learning 9 things we think you should know before planning to go to one.

Let’s dive right in… 

Thing #9 – Lectures & Sermon Preaching

PREVIOUS POST: Our Top 5 “Must Read” Marriage Books 💔 For Couples

So there will usually be a keynote speaker who will usually be a Pastor if the event is organized by a church.

In our opinion, this segment for the marriage retreat will probably be the least valuable for your marriage, and here is why.

The speaker would normally have their (not necessarily wrong) ideologies that either one of you as a couple will gravitate towards while the other may not be able to relate.

You will hear more generalized ideologies and beliefs more so than anything that addresses your unique situation.

Thing #8 – One Weekend Is Not Enough

Just as you should be aware of how realistic or unrealistic your expectations can be with respect to your partner, don’t expect a marriage retreat weekend to fix your marriage right away.

However, it can be powerful enough to trigger your marriage towards that direction even if it’s only one of you who is in the right space of mind.

Thing #7 – Role Play Exercises

Avoid marriage retreats that don’t involve some type of role-playing exercises because it is one of the most valuable parts of the experience especially for a couple in crisis.

When it comes to relationships, people can know 110% of the right things to do from a theoretical standpoint and fail woefully when things are playing out in real life.

This segment is great for weeding out the hidden principalities that your marriage is up against when you interact with your partner.

Thing #6 – Attraction, Intimacy & Sex

TRENDING: Marriage Advice 💔 The 5 Best Advices Ever For Modern Marriages

A marriage retreat event where they don’t discuss this topic in detail and as vulgarly as possible is probably not going to help your marriage.

Sure you can regurgitate the same ‘ol advice such as love each other, go on weekly dates, learn the 5 love languages.

But many of the issues that couples deal with when it comes to lowered attraction, interest, seduction, intimacy, and sexlessness will remain unfixed without hitting the nail on the head.  

Thing #5 – Q & A’s

Questions and answers segment is the most valuable part of a marriage retreat in our opinion because it creates at least a 2-way dialogue and conversation.

But depending on how much the couples in attendance feel safe, they will have questions particularly if the lecture or preaching session had an adequate impact.

When a speaker delivers pure preaching from any remotely judgemental standpoint, the attendees will not feel safe to ask quality questions because they don’t want to be judged.

If no one is asking questions, the next segment now becomes more important as it will help instigate a valuable dialogue.

Thing #4 – Case Studies & Discussions

This is a segment where a good speaker would present illustrations, stories, and real-life examples of other couples who failed and succeeded at navigating marriage.

As much as we like to point out how different and unique every marriage is…

And emphasize on why no 2 marriages should ever be compared to each other, there are predictable patterns across the board that we can all learn from.

So introducing other stories will help attendees find different hiccups they can relate with in order to learn certain moves and actions to embrace or avoid.

3 Deadly Things To Avoid With Marriage Retreats

We just discussed the 6 different segments of a quality marriage retreat to look forward to if you decide to enroll in one.

Here are the last 3 things from a marriage retreat that can break your marriage further apart; learn them so you can avoid them.

Thing #3 – Absolutes & Extremes

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These 2 elements are the major enemies of relationships and especially marriage.

What many people tend to do is go to a marriage retreat and gather absolute and extreme ideologies they can use to manipulate their partner.

These ideologies usually start with “Married couples should…”, “A husband should…”, “A Wife should…” or “A real man should”.

These are double-edge swords with a minimum of 2 perspectives.  “Shoulds” are not always your reality.

So, you are better off replacing them with finding the unique things you and your partner have in common and embracing differences that can help you complement each other. 

Thing #2 – Duplication & Multiplication

Marriage retreat will tend to duplicate and multiply what your relationship already is if you do not leverage it to find out where you as an individual are contributing to what it already is.

Let’s break that down.

If your underlying relationship is trash, a marriage retreat has a way of making it more trash because of the heavy vibe of generalization at such events.

Thing #1 – Resentment From Comparison

When you are among so many other couples who may not be in any crisis like yours, it’s easy to start feeling like the grass may be greener on the other side.

This is especially true when your marriage is already in crisis.  

It’s only natural in that space to start comparing your situation to other people’s situation who may just look better on the outside only. 

Effectively, you start resenting your partner even more. 

So be sure to engage in proper therapy, counseling, and coaching before exposing your marriage to so much energy that you do not understand; Just another thing to beware of. 

Don’t forget to download your free book Get My Marriage Back at:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com 

Also, check out the 30 minutes free coaching and discovery session that we will give you access to right after the download.

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Our Top 5 “Must Read” Marriage Books 💔 For Couples

In this lesson, you will discover the top 5 “must-read” marriage books we think every couple must read individually, especially and together when possible.

Every marriage will experience a crisis at some point regardless of how prepared for marriage the parties try to be.

Lola and I had our fair share.

When everything was good, lovely, and romantic, it was difficult for us to comprehend why we needed to learn more about how marriage works.

When we engaged in premarital counseling shortly before our wedding in 2007, we understood the counsel from a fulfilling-all-righteousness standpoint.

But we simply could not comprehend the depth of the importance of new wisdom with respect to marriage—we thought we had figured it all out.

You are probably just as naive as we were. 

That’s normal but I recommend that you rise above normal.

So we want to recommend our 5 top marriage books that we feel will put you into a space of new marriage-related wisdom.

I will also share what we got out of the book so that you can know what to expect.

Let’s dive right in.

Best Marriage Book #5 – The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

I know you probably saw this coming.

The best thing about this book is that it is fundamentally a seduction tool precisely to maintain a healthy level of attraction in a marriage.

Of course, there is always a Mr & Mrs know-it-All who doesn’t believe in “all that goofy stuff.”

Unfortunately, attraction, as important as it is in modern marriage, tends to fall in the background of most marriages.

Sadly, some would read this book and use it to manipulate and set up even more unrealistic expectations.  

Don’t be that person.

It’s a seduction tool to learn how to serve so that you can receive more authentically.

Best Marriage Book #4 – How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie

PREVIOUS POST: How To Handle Marriage Separation 💔 7 Tips

Many people don’t realize that this book is more so about relationships than it is about business.

But granted. 

Businesses are also built on relationships.

In the modern age of marriage, friendship is the core of the underlying relationships. 

Till date, it represents the best flight I ever took because I read it while in transit.

In this book, you will ultimately learn how to build fruitful friendships with anyone.

One of the major conflicts in marriage dances around either controlling behavior or lack of accountability of one or both sides.

In reality, you can try but you cannot control another human being, especially an adult.  

You can however learn how to influence them.

Also, if you feel like your spouse is not being accountable, this book will actually teach you how to influence in the direction you want especially if that is positive.

This works better than going into teaching mode with the person you are supposed to be engaging romantically.

Sadly, this skillset is just as powerful to influence negatively as well.  

You are probably doing that already but may be unknowingly.

Best Marriage Book #3 – How to Be a 3% Man by Corey Wayne

Personally, I believe that the man sets the tone while the woman builds the home. (By the way, I am not talking about a house.)

To adjust more appropriately, I am referring to a typical man and a typical woman. 

As you probably already know, there are exceptions to every rule in life.

So since a typical man sets the tone, it’s probably a wise decision to learn how to become the best that the society has to offer as a man.

Being born or identifying as a male gender is simply not the equivalent of being a man; neither is being a married man.

Just look around you, even as a man, I’m sure you have experienced a man misbehave out of place and out of his masculine core.

I believe this book is not an absolute bible but it will give you great insights into identifying your best moments as a man in his full strength and masculine core.

You can therefore replicate it more often.

If you are a woman, it’s a great read so that you can learn what to expect from a man that you can create a healthy marriage and relationship with long term.

Best Marriage Book #2 – His Needs, Her Needs by William F. Jr. Harley

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As self-explanatory as that may sound to you, we’ve found that most couples are and will have difficulty balancing and consolidating 2 people’s needs at the same time.

In this modern times and age, with the massive uprising of not-so-professional opinions around marriage on social media…

… and the ease of regurgitating these toxic online  opinions of those who have experienced heartbreak without proper healing, this book was my personal saving grace.

That’s why you see grown men roaming around social media talking about…

“Marriage is a total waste of time. If you want a woman, live with one or get a hooker.”

Yea I know. It’s sad, right. 

That’s what happens when humans with the mind of a gold fish go through a heartbreak. 

Then it’s everyone else’s fault but the man in the mirror.

We learned that faults, guilts, blame, judgment and condemnations are irrelevant unless you want to perpetuate a life of emotional suffering.

So this book started my journey down the rabbit hole of learning the differences that create the sexual polarity, love and romance that both the man and the woman crave badly for.

If I’m being honest, it wasn’t good enough but it was good enough to start that journey of remaining a perpetual student of relationships for me personally.

And it has been worth every word in it.

Best Marriage Book #1 – Get My Marriage Back by Lola & Ola

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

After reading all those 4 books we recommend, something massive was missing.

There was no book in the market written by a couple from their own perspective and personal stories addressing these issues.

It’s not a book on English grammar.

It’s a book highlighting how we did it and still doing it.

Lola and I understand the perspective of the western and traditional world. 

We found that at its core, we are all the same.

But it isn’t that simple. 

So we wrote this book to unpack things, especially for two types of individuals.

If you feel like your marriage is broken or…seems like it and you are the only one fighting for it, this is the book for you.

But if you feel like things couldn’t be better in your marriage, you may not appreciate the content.

Keep doing whatever is working for you.

Lastly, any and everyone will pick up tips on preparing for the inevitable break down to rock bottom of every marriage before you can build real and true love.

So tell me in the comment area which of these 5 books you will be picking up right away and why.

Don’t forget to download your free book.

Get My Marriage Back at:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com 

Also check out the 30 minutes free coaching and discovery session that we will give you access to right after the download.

Hit the like button and check out the video on the screen for more information on how to rekindle and build an awesome marriage and legacy without being a simp or a pick-me.

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How To Handle Marriage Separation 💔 7 Tips

In this lesson, you will discover how to handle marriage separation in order to ultimately make the outcome most positive and fruitful regardless of how much pain you are dealing with.

I am sorry for whatever the reason is that you are relating to this extremely important topic; my understanding is that it’s never easy, simple, or blissful.

Most people don’t go into a marriage with the purpose or intentions of separating.  I would, however, argue that many are indirectly doing exactly that.  

I’ll explain.

We’ve got tons of separation and reconciliation stories we can share with you to emphasize some of the patterns we continue to share with you in these lessons.

But we want to extract this particular lesson from just 2 stories.  

As usual, all the advice we offer is easier said than done but they are worthwhile.

From the first story, Clara reported to us that her husband slept with someone else during separation and lied about it during and after reconciliation.

I know what you are thinking.

How could she ever possibly trust again?  She can actually. 

But wait.

We also have Christine who is worried that her children will hate her and their dad for separating.

Even though the kids have accepted her excuse for sleeping on the sofa (she told them “mommy needs her space”), she is afraid that they will start to recognize the lack of intimacy or affection at some point.

Honestly, that is probably the least of her issues.

While some may be good at hiding the pain, separation is never easy for either of the parties involved; husband or wife.

Many of today’s modern men and women lack the patience level required to see it that way because they want all the answers to life questions faster, logically, and now.

They often opt-in for pointing fingers at everything and everyone else.

So in today’s lesson, I want to point out 7 tips to help anyone in any phase of navigating separation in marriage in order to make the most out of it.

Let’s dive right into it.

Tip #7 – Rules & Boundaries.

PREVIOUS POST: 💔 How Many Marriages End In Divorce?

One of the tools professionally offered to help with separation are letters or contracts that state what the rules and boundaries are during this process.

But I want to emphasize more on the double edge nature of emphasis on rules and boundaries.

Of course, these are designed to not be crossed.  

But for quite a significant percentage of people, the emphasis on rules and boundaries tends to create attention for it and sadly, a heightened desire to cross them.

This is especially true when people are going through an experience that puts them in potentially the weakest space they’ve ever been in a lifetime.

So I want you to treat rules and boundaries with care especially during separation in marriage.

Actually, I’d rather you put more attention into yourself, self-esteem, self-worth, and understanding that the existing version of your marriage is over.

If you do decide to stay together, it should be a completely different version of your marriage.

It will make building trust a lot more easier because what happened with the other person during separation becomes less of a factor for the future.

I’m not saying this to encourage bad and sloppy behavior during separation but to encourage you to retain your much-needed power for your future with or without your present partner.

This is the tip for Clara whose husband slept with someone else during separation and lied about it.  

As far as I am concerned, it’s more so an old problem that was never solved.  

It’s an unrealistic expectation problem.  

When in separation from your marriage, anything should not go but it could because it usually would.  “Should“ is usually not the reality. 

Tip #6 – Why 

I want you to identify why you and/or your spouse have opted for separation in order to support the process with a purpose.

Any endeavor in life without an explicitly identifiable purpose is 100% destructive whether you know it or not.

Unfortunately, many people call for separation when they are in a confused state in an attempt to run away from pain or perceived pain.  

So they just leave things in the hands of fate.

Tip #5  – How Long Should You Stay Separated?

TRENDING: 5 Rules to Follow When Separation Starts to Work For Your Marriage💔

This part is also like an oxymoron.  

Let me explain.

When people want separation from a partner or the other way around, they are also and often caught up in their feelings to a large extent.

So the idea of setting a time or term on the process is almost an oxymoron because if they could do that, they would just fix the marriage.

But that’s why I am pointing it out.

If you want to make the most positive outcome from this often unpleasant experience, I want you to be intentional.

Starting with yourself, I want you to identify and determine how long you want to give this separation process before attempting a decision to stay together or move forward.

That will help tremendously with your personal self-esteem because of the element of certainty and put you more so in the driver’s seat.

Tip #4 – Death & Growth

There is no in-between.  

Your marriage is either dying or growing at any point in time.

I am aware that you probably already know this but I also know that in the mental space of a person going through a separation, a reminder is probably necessary.

You are welcome.

Tip #3 – The Effect of Separation On Children

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

Christine’s problem is not her children… that’s the least of her problems. 

The children, by default, will have their own trauma carried over into adulthood.

Of course, parents should not be adding on to that.  

But as you can see, Christine is adding on to it, maybe unknowingly, but for reasons best known to her by leaving her matrimonial bed for the couch.

She has her legitimate reasons; I’m sure.

It’s not what the kids are saying or hearing.  

It is much more like what they are watching, how they will subconsciously process and interpret them, their personality, their temperament, 2,000 other signals… 

And how they choose to live life as adults.

The only part of that you will be able to, not control but, influence is how you are living your life, maybe a little of what you say to them but more like how you nurture your marriage from what they can see.

So if you are not capable of nurturing your marriage without asking for space, they are seeing and learning that or the unhealthy and extreme opposite of that no matter how old they are. 

Speaking of space… 

Tip #2 – The Double-Edged & Deadly Nature of Space

While space can actually be a useful tool for mental health, it’s important to know that you are also creating a void and effectively allowing in other energy that may not necessarily be healthy.

Sure, you can eventually hold your partner accountable for any bad behavior or transgression during that separation process.  

It is worth noting that holding other adults accountable all by itself has massive limitations when it comes to romantic relationships and getting what you want. 

It has become pretty normal to ask for space in a marriage. 

But let’s all remember that 50% divorce rate, broken families, and fatherless children are also becoming the norm.

Tip #1 – Duty

I was talking to one of my boys who is in today’s dating market.  

He went ahead and told me in so many ways how modern women lack a sense of duty when it comes to the role of a wife.

This has been simply his experience and I don’t see that as an absolute truth. But I’ve also seen enough to know that this is true to a large extent.  

70-80% of divorces are initiated by women and it goes up to 90% for college and university-educated modern women.

I personally think that the breakdown in family leadership has contributed the most to these unpleasant statistics. 

But I also think it will help tremendously if men have the help of the modern women who want marriage and the family structure in bringing a sense of duty to the “table” while we also continue to address the leadership issues.

After all, both the men and women (and especially children who are the leaders of tomorrow)  benefit from the love and connection but also the long-term benefit of a family structure.  

Duty and not the momentary feelings have been responsible for all structures that stand the test of time.  

It’s time to work together, sadly, on the structure-building end of things.  

Sad because I think this is the sole responsibility of men particularly from a place of leadership with or without permission from women.

Nonetheless, a sense of duty will reduce the number of women running for the hills at the slightest instance of emotional difficulty in a marriage.

I want to encourage men to work on updating our family leadership skills for the 21st century; it’s pretty lazy to keep referencing the society from 100 years ago.  

And it is highly dangerous to count on women to intentionally bring a sense of duty into the family structure beyond just a bonus if that ever happens.

I don’t think a typical woman is capable of that.  I also subscribe to “never say never.”

So tell me in the comment area one additional bonus tip or question to help more people become better on the other end of separation in a marriage.  

We will be happy to create more videos around it.

Don’t forget to download your free book.

Get My Marriage Back at:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com 

Also, check out the 30 minutes free coaching and discovery session that we will give you access to right after the download.

Hit the like button and check out the video on the screen for more information on how to rekindle and build an awesome marriage and legacy without being a simp or a pick-me.

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💔 How Many Marriages End In Divorce?

In this lesson, you will discover, not just how many marriages end in divorce, but how it is different for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd marriages.

I want to blame someone for divorces.  

I will also reveal some deeper insights to these lagging indicators which is a limitation to the only numbers and percentages that we know as I reveal in this lesson.

A few days ago, I was listening to a livestream on Youtube in the men’s community called the manosphere or “red pill” as they discussed the prevalent and unfortunate gender wars.

Before stumbling into this community a few months ago, I didn’t realize that there were so many men that could come off as so hateful to women.

I’ve always known about some women’s communities even as far back as when I was a child in the late 80’s to the 90’s.  

It’s mostly women who have had a certain type of experience in marriage who end up in these communities.  

I always knew that men had their own struggles.  But little did I know that some gurus had found ways to capitalize on it and build extremely toxic communities.

In the women’s communities, the rhetoric is typically “Men are Scum.”  They go back and forth with real-life stories emphasizing this belief.

What I found with the men’s community is the “logical claim” to avoid marriage altogether because of these first 5 stats, percentages, and figures.

Let’s dive right in.

Stat #5 – 70% of Divorces are Initiated By Women.

PREVIOUS POST: Marriage Advice 💔 The 5 Best Advices Ever For Modern Marriages

This data is according to a study conducted by the American Sociological Association in 2015, which by the way, the number jumps to 90% for university-educated women.

So the logic for the men in the red pill community is this.  

“If there is a 70% chance that the woman I love with my life will suddenly pull the plug for no damn reason, why should I get married?”

While that question is valid, it is also flawed in many ways. 

What if we assume that there are reasons that you as a mortal being just couldn’t see?  What if the question changes to… 

“Do I have some type of control or at least influence over my wife’s experiences and choices to stay a lifetime in our marriage or not?”

Well, it is easier for certain weak people to run for the exit at any level of exposure to potential pain and it’s harder to ask questions that true leaders continue to build empires with.

There is absolutely room for true leaders who are willing to learn what it takes to make the modern woman trust, respect and submit to the authority of marriage.

It’s really this simple.  The more empowered your wife feels the less she will tolerate certain types of disregard that women endured 50 years ago.  

As a man, you cannot afford to show up halfway in your masculine core to your marriage.  

It has nothing to do with honesty, integrity, and any obvious words people tend to throw around in these conversations.  Those are bare minimums for any human being

It has everything to do with how you are able to make your particular wife feel safe, secure, and loved consistently.  Consistency is an important ingredient.

If you are a typical woman, it’s about engaging the power of the almighty feminine energy and your awareness of how you can make it work for your marriage. 

Stat #4 – 45% Of All First Marriages End In Divorce

TRENDING: Marriage Problems? ❤️ These are 99 Issues Destroying Marriages

I find it interesting that most people don’t dwell on this number going into their first relationship or marriage.  But it becomes a thing, again, after certain types of experiences.

Also, this number is often inflated to 50% when these toxic online communities utilize these stats as talking points and you can imagine how scary that is.

Depending on your level of expectations of marriage as a bed of roses,

hearing these stats can throw you off a healthy base.

And it’s even worse when the audience has experienced heartbreak at any level.  They will naturally have their guards up.

With my experience and expertise,

I’ve found that such guards end up falling over and killing every chance of an awesome life and love for the person who puts them up.

Stat #3 – 60% Of Second Marriages End In Divorce

There are many people who end up in these toxic online communities wasting away time they could have been spending building themselves.

Eventually, they come back to being human and falling in love prematurely without healing.  So they end up creating even worse statistics than that of first marriages.

Avoiding marriage is essentially a false sense of security.  As we now know, love, connection, and contribution to others are basic human emotional needs.

Instead of avoiding it, it’s better to lean in and learn how long-lasting marriages work and what makes them work.

Running from marriage for most people is like running away from your own shadow; you will end up coming off as crazy and potentially hurting yourself along with others.

Stat #2 – 73% Of All Third Marriages End In Divorce

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

As you can see, it just gets worse.  

Contrary to “know it all’s”, people don’t enjoy jumping from marriages to marriages only to destroy it all over and create even worse statistics.

It’s a void that they are trying to fill; love, connection, companionship, contribution, and significance.  

These are accomplished through relationships and more so fruitfully through long-term relationships and marriages.

Where they get it wrong is by not healing their pain properly with time, knowledge, mentorship, coaching, counseling and/or therapy.

Again, running from a marriage without proper self-reflection is like running from your own shadows.  You will start looking crazy, hurt more people and yourself.

Stat #1 – Correlation Between Economy & Divorce Rate

The United States has the 6th highest divorce rate in the world.  

Coincidentally, or is it? The United States is also the 6th greatest nation on earth presently.  

So is there a correlation between economic empowerment or not?

There is and it’s not necessarily just economic… but all types of empowerment (especially social empowerment).

For many men, this means we should discourage women from being empowered.  That may be a “logical solution” but is that a holistic solution?

Doesn’t that sound like a quick easy exit or escapism from much-required work?

Is logic not also a function of the human emotional and innate need for growth for both man and woman?  Don’t we all want some level of more freedom in our lives?

So tell me in the comment area what your thoughts are around this topic

so that we can create more videos enlightening and empowering ourselves as people in modern society.

Don’t forget to download your free book.

Get My Marriage Back at:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com 

Also, check out the 30 minutes free coaching and discovery session that we will give you access to right after the download.

Hit the like button and check out the video on the screen for more information

…on how to rekindle and build an awesome marriage and legacy without being a simp or a pick-me.

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Marriage Advice 💔 The 5 Best Advices Ever For Modern Marriages

In this lesson, you will discover some of the best marriage advice you will ever stumble into for modern marriages, traditional marriage in modern age and for newlyweds.  This is going to present a completely new perspective for you.

The other day, I was watching a video by one of the black manosphere leaders, Oshay Duke Jackson, interviewing a guy.  He claims that the root cause of his divorce was when his wife started listening to Amanda Seales.

While I agree that the trigger to the divorce could have been random media platform rhetorics, I disagree that it is the root cause.  The root cause is always a function of both parties involved.

Marriage is an institution and it remains exactly that even as the human species continues to evolve overtime.  

Fortunately or Unfortunately, the humans in a marriage control what they make of a marriage and therefore cannot not blame the institution of marriage when it is bad.  

It is also not wise to blame any entity outside of the individuals.  Yes, I said it’s a function of the parties involved but blame, guilt, condemnation and judgement will always work against the underlying relationship of a marriage.

With that being said, these are the 5 best pieces of advice I can share with any marriage at any stage including newlyweds in the modern age.

Marriage Advice #5 – Your Vows Meant Nothing

PREVIOUS POST: 5 Things That Will Make Your Wife Miss You During Separation 💔

People who say “I do” simply do not know what they are doing.  

I know that may sound heartbreaking to you but it is the truth.

What they were “doing” for the most part is the wedding ceremony and that’s regardless of how much premarital counseling they may have gone through.

The issue isn’t that the parties were pretending.  It’s simply that they couldn’t possibly have enough context to comprehend what they are getting into.

Marriage vows are beautiful and you may have put on a great show for the guests.  

The real test starts on the day after and most people, we now know, will not honor the vows 100% of the time.  It’s obvious with the divorce rate in virtually every society today.

So, do not set yourself up with expectations around your vows or the present state of your spouse.

On the flip side of that, it is not unwise to hold yourself accountable to the vows you took as it is simply the honorable thing to do.  

But do not assume that you can pour from an empty cup as you are not God… It’s going to be a constant effort of building yourself.

Marriage Advice #4 – Communication is NOT The Key

I know that may come as a shock to you.  But here is why.

What most people refer to as communication is the act of talking.  

Not only is that not the dictionary meaning of communication, effective communication is the actual key. The dictionary meaning of communication is the exchanging of information.  

Sure, in telecommunication as a technology, either sending or receiving individually counts as communication but in romance, it is not.

Effective communication in romance is 80% listening, 10% confirmation of understanding and 10% sharing of your personal insights and opinions.

This is especially true if you identify as the masculine core (not necessarily the man) presently in the marriage.  

It is your responsibility to set the tone for effective communication between you and your spouse.

Marriage Advice #3 – Engage God And/Or Gratitude

TRENDING: 7 ULTIMATE Guide to SAVE & FIX a Broken Marriage

One of the false messages out there that’s killing a lot of marriages before the start is the idea that love is not enough.

I will talk to you if you don’t identify as a christian in a minute.  But if you are a christian, you should never join the “love is not enough” gang.

As a christian, you should have subscribed to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8… 

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

If you haven’t seen this played out and tracked in your marriage on your part, you have no rights to claim that love is not enough.

However, as humans, patience has a threshold.  

So you need to humble yourself and tap into additional patience by putting God a.k.a the only source of unconditional love at the center of your marriage.

If you do not identify as a christian, I am simply talking about an attitude of Gratitude all around.  

When you look at things from a lens of “it can always be worse, you will create and have better and better experiences in your marriage.

This is the closest you can get to unconditional love which is a necessary ingredient in creating an awesome marriage.

Marriage Advice #2 – Personal Purpose

Infinite patience is a necessary ingredient to make a good marriage because your core beliefs will be tested by the differences between you and your spouse.

Now waiting around and calling it patience will eat you up because you as a human being are simply incapable of that level of patience.

But with your engagement in personal purpose and life mission (which should be bigger than life itself), you will expend some of your time in that space.

Then you leave some room for love, attraction and sexual  polarity to stay high within your marriage.  

While a spouse who claims to love can dump you, a spouse who is attracted to you will not dump you.

Marriage Advice #1 – Self Love

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You cannot give what you don’t have.  You have to make it a priority to make sure that you are good and full of love as an individual.

When you love yourself, it will create a downstream effect of loving your spouse from a space of abundance which is described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 that I quoted earlier..

When you attempt loving from a place of lack, it creates chaos.

Here Is A Bonus Piece Of Advice

In marriage, remember this scripture. 

Ephesians 6:12 – “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

Emotional intelligence will go a long way when it is present in your marriage.  It’s not the same as emotional expressions.

So tell me in the comment area which of these 5 pieces of advice you find most valuable and will be applying so we can see about diving a little deeper.

Don’t forget to download your free book.

Get My Marriage Back at:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com 

Also check out the 30 minutes free coaching and discovery session that we will give you access to right after the download.

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