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Is Physical Attraction Overrated in Marriage? Here’s the Real Truth

📌 Author's Note from Lola & Ola:
If you are reading this right now, we know the heartbreak of watching the desire, intimacy, and warmth fade out of your relationship. We survived our own marriage completely dying at the 9-year mark and rebuilt a 20+ year roadmap from it. Before you dive into the details below, grab our complete book Get My Marriage Back for FREE right now so you have an immediate, step-by-step action plan to turn things around.

Is physical attraction in marriage overrated—or just misunderstood?

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how to maintain physical attraction in marriage

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In a world of filters, gym bodies, and picture-perfect couples on Instagram, many couples enter marriage with high expectations about physical chemistry… only to find that attraction isn’t always enough to sustain the relationship.

So what happens when the spark fades? Is that the end—or just the beginning of something deeper?

In this post, we’ll explore the complex role physical attraction plays in marriage through three real-world truths (aka secrets) that every couple should understand.

If you’re struggling with the emotional or physical disconnection in your relationship, this will shift your mindset—and possibly save your marriage.

Secret #1: No, It’s Not Overrated—If Only One Person Is Asking

Let’s start with one of the most common scenarios:

“I just don’t feel attracted to them anymore.”

We hear this far more than we should. But the truth behind it isn’t what most people think. In many cases, physical attraction doesn’t just disappear because someone “let themselves go.” What’s really going on is a breakdown in emotional connection.

When only one spouse starts questioning attraction, it’s often a symptom of emotional disconnection—not just physical disinterest. We once coached a couple where the husband admitted his attraction had faded. Meanwhile, the wife had been trying everything—intimacy, compliments, even new outfits—to no avail.

The problem?
He had emotionally checked out.

And here’s the twist: she was still deeply attracted to him.

This disconnect highlights an uncomfortable truth—when emotional intimacy fades, physical desire usually follows. According to a 2022 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, emotional closeness is a far better predictor of long-term physical attraction than appearance.

The Shift:

Once this couple rebuilt emotional safety, the spark returned. He literally said, “She looks more beautiful than ever.” And yet, nothing changed physically.

This proves that real attraction grows from inside the heart, not just what’s on the surface. Emotional intimacy is the fuel that keeps physical attraction alive—not the other way around.

Secret #2: Yes, It’s Overrated—If That’s All You Have as a Bond

We all know that one couple who looks perfect online.

Flawless wedding photos. Gym-fit bodies. Daily “couple goals” selfies.

But behind the scenes, things often look very different.

One stunning couple we worked with seemed to have it all—looks, chemistry, passion. But six months into the marriage, they couldn’t even hold a conversation without arguing.

They were bonded by passion, not purpose.

They said things like:

“We’re just so attracted to one another.”

And while that sounds romantic, it doesn’t hold water long-term.

Here’s why:

Real marriage starts after the butterflies fade.
When life gets real—bills, kids, disappointments—you need more than vibes to survive.

This couple lacked emotional safety, shared values, and friendship. Their initial attraction had turned into unmet expectations, and eventually, resentment.

The Shift:

They realized that physical compatibility isn’t enough. They needed to build respect, emotional resilience, and intellectual intimacy.

They had to unlearn the myth that passion guarantees longevity and relearn that peace is the real platform for lasting love.

Now, they’re still together—still beautiful—but now they’re building with bricks, not vibes.

Secret #3: Maybe It’s Overrated—If You’re in an Arranged Marriage

Let’s address a different angle that’s rarely talked about—arranged marriages.

A woman we mentored was married off at 23. There were no butterflies, no late-night convos, no “aha” moment. She didn’t even know if she loved him. Attraction? Practically non-existent.

Fast-forward six years and two children, she said:

“I think I love the man he’s become with me.”

That one sentence speaks volumes.

In her case, attraction came after trust.

Physical attraction was a byproduct of emotional intimacy, not a prerequisite. And while many assumed her marriage was destined to be cold and distant, what she found was the opposite:

Attraction grew.

It grew through shared struggles, parenting, kindness, and everyday effort.

He became her “type” over time—not because of physical changes, but because of the emotional connection they cultivated.

The Shift:

When both partners commit to learning and growing together, attraction can blossom—slowly, organically, and deeply.

This reminds us that physical attraction is not always instant. For some couples, it’s a slow burn—not a spark. And that burn can be far more enduring than fleeting passion.

Let’s Recap the Real Truth About Physical Attraction in Marriage

Physical attraction isn’t bad. It’s not the enemy. But it’s not the savior of your marriage either.

It’s a signal. Not the whole story.

Here’s what we’ve learned after years of coaching couples:

  • If only one person is questioning attraction, it’s likely an emotional issue—not a physical one.
  • If attraction is the only bond, the foundation will eventually crumble.
  • In some marriages, especially arranged ones, attraction grows with shared purpose and effort over time.

So is physical attraction overrated?

Sometimes.
But the better question is—what’s underneath it?

If you’re relying on looks to sustain your love, you’ll be in for a rude awakening when life starts lifing. But if you prioritize building connection, safety, and emotional closeness, attraction can not only return—but deepen in ways you never imagined.

The Takeaway: Physical Attraction Is Just a Piece of the Puzzle

You don’t need to have six-pack abs or glowing skin 24/7 to be attractive to your partner.

What you need is:

  • Emotional safety
  • Mutual respect
  • Consistent effort
  • Shared laughter
  • Deep, honest conversations

When those are present, physical attraction becomes more than skin deep—it becomes a natural extension of your emotional intimacy.

Check this out: How to Keep Attraction in Marriage Without Losing Yourself

Ready to Rekindle Connection and Attraction in Your Marriage?

If your marriage feels distant…

If you’ve lost the spark…

If you’re wondering whether the love is still there…

We’ve been there. We know what it’s like to feel like roommates with rings.

That’s why we wrote Get My Marriage Back—a guide that breaks down the tools, mindset shifts, and strategies we used to rebuild our connection from the ground up.

🎯 Download it for FREE here: www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

It’s 100% free because we believe no marriage should die from assumptions.

Final Thought

Attraction matters. But how you define it—and how you fuel it—matters more.

What does “attraction” mean to you in marriage?

Is it physical, emotional, spiritual—or all of the above?

Let’s talk about it. Drop your thoughts in the comments. Share this with someone who needs it.

And remember…

Peace, not passion, is the real foundation.

You Will Like These Too…

FAQ: How to Maintain Physical Attraction in Marriage

Is it normal to lose physical attraction to your partner?

Yes, it’s common for physical attraction to fade over time, especially when emotional connection weakens.

Why am I no longer physically attracted to my husband?

Loss of attraction is often rooted in emotional disconnection, not physical changes alone.

Can a marriage work without physical attraction?

A marriage can survive temporarily without physical attraction, but long-term success usually requires rebuilding emotional and physical intimacy.

Can a relationship last if there is no physical attraction?

While some relationships can last without strong initial attraction, lasting bonds typically grow when emotional safety and mutual effort are present.

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7 Deadly Disadvantages with Secret Tests in Relationships vs The Art of Seduction

📌 Author's Note from Lola & Ola:
If you are reading this right now, we know the heartbreak of watching the desire, intimacy, and warmth fade out of your relationship. We survived our own marriage completely dying at the 9-year mark and rebuilt a 20+ year roadmap from it. Before you dive into the details below, grab our complete book Get My Marriage Back for FREE right now so you have an immediate, step-by-step action plan to turn things around.

Are secret tests in relationships healthy? In the complex world of modern dating and relationships, finding true love can often feel like an elusive quest.

Many individuals, driven by past experiences and a desire for certainty, resort to testing their partners, overlooking the essence of genuine connection.

I have even heard of stories where a spouse yells at their partner as a test and to see how they would respond.

The Secret Tests in Relationships: Unveiling the Hidden Dynamics

Relationships are complex webs of emotions, trust, and vulnerabilities.

In the pursuit of lasting love, individuals often unknowingly resort to “secret tests” to evaluate their partners’ commitment and compatibility.

These covert assessments are usually subtle, yet they can significantly impact the dynamics of a relationship.

Let’s explore the concept of secret tests in relationships, their potential consequences, and how to foster a healthier and more trusting connection.

1. The Subtle Nature of Secret Tests

Secret tests are unspoken evaluations that people perform on their partners to gauge their feelings, loyalty, or trustworthiness.

These tests are often subconscious and stem from past experiences, insecurities, or fears of getting hurt.

Common examples include intentionally creating situations to elicit a specific reaction or withholding information to observe their partner’s response.

2. The Negative Impact of Secret Tests in Relationships on Trust

While secret tests may provide temporary reassurance, they erode the foundation of trust in a relationship.

When one partner feels tested or scrutinized without their knowledge, it can lead to feelings of betrayal, invasion of privacy, and a sense of manipulation.

Ultimately, this erodes the mutual trust that is vital for a healthy and thriving relationship.

3. Open Communication: An Antidote to Secret Tests

The key to overcoming the harmful impact of secret tests lies in open and honest communication.

Partners must feel safe expressing their concerns, fears, and vulnerabilities without resorting to covert tactics.

Transparent dialogue fosters a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and helps build a more profound emotional connection.

4. Addressing Insecurities and Past Baggage

Recognizing and addressing personal insecurities and past emotional baggage is essential for breaking free from the cycle of secret tests.

It’s vital to confront these issues honestly, either through self-reflection or with the help of a therapist, to prevent them from negatively affecting the current relationship.

5. Building Trust Through Consistency

Trust is a fundamental pillar of any successful relationship.

Building and maintaining trust involves consistent actions and behaviors that reinforce reliability and dependability. Instead of resorting to secret tests, focus on demonstrating love, respect, and loyalty through everyday actions.

6. Embracing Vulnerability and Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy requires vulnerability and the courage to share one’s true self with a partner.

Embrace openness and create a safe space where both partners can express their feelings, hopes, and fears without fear of judgment.

Cultivating emotional intimacy strengthens the bond between partners and alleviates the need for secret tests.

7. Recognizing Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationship Behavior

Differentiating between healthy relationship behaviors and red flags is crucial.

Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, support, and communication, while unhealthy ones are characterized by manipulation, power struggles, and secret testing.

Knowing the difference can help individuals make informed decisions about their relationships.

In the intricate dance of relationships, secret tests can cast a shadow of doubt and insecurity on even the strongest connections.

Recognizing and understanding the existence of secret tests is the first step towards fostering a healthier, more trusting bond with a partner.

Open communication, addressing insecurities, building trust, and embracing emotional intimacy are essential elements for overcoming the allure of secret tests and creating a relationship grounded in love and authenticity.

By striving for honesty, vulnerability, and mutual respect, partners can forge a strong and lasting connection that withstands the tests of time. Watch this video!

In this section, we’ll delve into the pitfalls of such an approach and shed light on five deadly relationship mistakes that hinder the path to authentic love.

1. The Dangerous Game of Testing

When it comes to dating, some might feel inclined to treat potential partners as subjects for evaluation.

However, this “testing” approach can prove to be invasive, manipulative, and ultimately counterproductive.

Instead of building a foundation of trust and understanding, testing places undue pressure on both parties, hindering the natural course of a budding relationship.

2. Back to Basics: The True Essence of Seduction

Rather than fixating on instant results, it’s essential to rediscover the art of seduction.

Unlike manipulation, genuine seduction revolves around offering value and leading with authenticity.

By understanding that love takes time to blossom, we can build stronger connections and set the stage for lasting, meaningful relationships.

3. The Marriage Myth: Seduction Matters More Than Ever

Marriage is not a destination where seduction becomes irrelevant; it’s an ongoing journey where keeping the spark alive is crucial.

Neglecting the importance of seduction within marriage can lead to complacency and an erosion of passion.

Cultivating feelings of love and care through consistent acts of seduction strengthens the marital bond, making it more enduring and fulfilling.

4. The Trap of Neediness and Obsession

Neediness and obsession can be detrimental to any relationship.

While stemming from a place of vulnerability, such behavior can drive partners away and create a sense of suffocation.

Embracing self-assurance and independence allows love to flourish organically, unburdened by the weight of possessiveness.

5. Communication: More Than Just Talking

Communication is undoubtedly crucial in any relationship, but true communication goes beyond mere words.

Effective communication entails conveying emotions, understanding, and needs clearly and “empathetically“.

Engaging in meaningful dialogue ensures that the intended message is delivered and understood, fostering a deeper emotional connection.

Secret Tests in Relationships

Is Testing Your Partner Manipulative? Understanding the Impact on Relationships

In the realm of dating and relationships, individuals often find themselves grappling with doubts and uncertainties.

In an attempt to gain reassurance or evaluate their partner’s commitment, some resort to “testing” their significant others.

While these tests may seem harmless or even justified, it’s crucial to explore whether such actions could be considered manipulative and their potential implications on the relationship.

Defining “Testing” in Relationships

“Testing” in relationships refers to intentionally creating situations or scenarios to observe how a partner reacts or responds.

These tests are usually done without the partner’s knowledge and are motivated by a desire to confirm their feelings, loyalty, or dedication.

The tests can be as overt as creating a jealousy-inducing situation or as subtle as withholding information to gauge the partner’s interest.

The Manipulative Nature of Secret Tests

Secret testing can be seen as manipulative due to its covert and deceptive nature.

When someone tests their partner without their knowledge, it disrupts the foundation of trust and openness that healthy relationships are built upon.

Manipulation involves attempting to control or influence another person’s feelings or actions for personal gain, and secret testing aligns with this behavior.

The Impact on Trust and Emotional Security

Testing a partner without their consent can have severe repercussions on the relationship.

It erodes the trust between partners, leading to feelings of betrayal, invasion of privacy, and emotional insecurity.

Partners may feel that their emotions are being played with or that they are constantly under scrutiny, which can create a toxic atmosphere of mistrust.

Communication and Consent: The Alternative Approach

Instead of resorting to secret testing, fostering open communication is essential in any relationship.

Honest and transparent conversations allow partners to express their needs, concerns, and insecurities without resorting to manipulative tactics.

By discussing feelings openly, both partners can work together to address any issues and build a stronger, more trusting bond.

Addressing Insecurities and Trust Issues

Insecurities and trust issues are common in relationships, but addressing them openly is far more effective than conducting secret tests.

By acknowledging and discussing individual fears and vulnerabilities, partners can support each other and work towards creating a more secure and emotionally healthy relationship.

-Building Trust Through Actions and Consistency

Trust is not gained through secret testing; it is built through consistent actions and behaviors over time.

Demonstrating reliability, honesty, and loyalty fosters a strong foundation of trust between partners. Actions that reflect respect and consideration for each other’s feelings are more powerful than any secret test.

Conclusion

In the pursuit of love, it’s essential to steer clear of these five deadly relationship mistakes.

Avoiding the pitfalls of testing, embracing the art of seduction, nurturing relationships inside and outside of marriage, and overcoming neediness and ineffective communication are steps towards fostering healthier and more fulfilling connections.

So, whether you’re single or in a relationship, let go of the urge to test and control, and instead, embark on a journey of genuine connection and authentic love.

The practice of “secret tests in relationships” raises significant ethical concerns and can have detrimental effects on the trust and emotional security within a partnership.

While it’s natural to experience moments of uncertainty or doubt, resorting to secretive and manipulative tactics to gauge a partner’s loyalty or commitment undermines the foundation of a healthy relationship.

Instead, fostering open communication, addressing insecurities, and building trust through consistent actions and respect are essential for cultivating a strong and authentic connection.

By nurturing a relationship based on honesty, transparency, and mutual understanding, partners can create a bond that thrives on trust and withstands the tests of time.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is testing your partner manipulative?

Yes, testing your partner can be considered manipulative as it involves covertly assessing their feelings or reactions without their knowledge.

Is it wrong to test your boyfriend?

Yes, it is ethically questionable to test your boyfriend as it breaches trust and honesty in the relationship.

Is it normal to test your partner?

While it may happen, testing your partner is not a healthy or recommended approach in a relationship.

Is it okay to test someone’s love?

No, testing someone’s love is not a respectful or constructive way to gauge their feelings.

How do you test your partner’s love for you?

Instead of testing, fostering open communication and understanding each other’s emotions is a more positive approach to strengthening your relationship.

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10 Signs Your Girlfriend Just Slept With Someone Else

📌 Author's Note from Lola & Ola:
If you are reading this right now, we know the heartbreak of watching the desire, intimacy, and warmth fade out of your relationship. We survived our own marriage completely dying at the 9-year mark and rebuilt a 20+ year roadmap from it. Before you dive into the details below, grab our complete book Get My Marriage Back for FREE right now so you have an immediate, step-by-step action plan to turn things around.

Obviously, the dynamics of a non-legal relationship and marriage are different.  But at the core, it’s the same skills required to sustain whatever it is. 

After researching a little online just to see what the blind is teaching the blind out there, I found these 10 signs.

In this article, I will share why these signs may not be what you think after reading those crazy articles out there.

https://youtu.be/jIoTrKwdoZo

1. Her behavior changes when she is around you.

Remember that she may simply be acting differently around you for a variety of reasons that have nothing to do with cheating. 

She may be feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or anxious, or she may be going through a difficult time in her life. 

It is also possible that she is trying to protect her feelings and is simply not as open with you as she used to be. 

Whatever the reason, it is important to remember that her behavior may not necessarily be a sign that she has slept with someone else.

10 signs your girlfriend just slept with someone else

2. She displays signs of nervousness like fidgeting or avoiding eye contact.

Everyone is different and reacts to situations differently. 

It is possible that she is feeling uncomfortable or embarrassed for another reason and that has nothing to do with infidelity. 

It is important to keep an open mind and consider all possibilities before jumping to any conclusions.

3. She is not as attentive as she used to be.

It’s understandable to be concerned if your girlfriend seems less attentive, but it may not necessarily be a sign that she has slept with someone else. 

You have to remember that there can be many reasons why someone may be less attentive, such as stress, work, or even just being tired. 

It’s best to talk to your girlfriend and try to understand what is going on before jumping to conclusions.

4. Suddenly, she is always busy and occupied.

Of course, it is quite possible that your girlfriend is suddenly busy all the time for a variety of reasons that have nothing to do with her being unfaithful. 

There are many other explanations for her being busy, such as having a lot of work or school commitments, or spending time with friends and family. 

It is important to keep an open mind and not jump to conclusions without first talking to your girlfriend and getting the full story.

5. She is very possessive of her phone.

Sure she wants to be protective of one’s phone, as it contains a lot of personal information.

So, it is not necessarily a valid sign that your girlfriend has slept with someone else. 

Everyone has their own reasons for wanting to keep their phone private, and it could be for any number of reasons that have nothing to do with any kind of infidelity. 

There are many factors that can contribute to someone’s behavior, and it is important to look at the whole picture before jumping to any conclusions.

6. She seems to pay more attention to her looks.

Focusing more on one’s appearance is just that.  

It does not necessarily mean that your girlfriend has slept with someone else. 

Everyone has their own individual preferences when it comes to how they want to look and feel, and it is possible that your girlfriend is simply taking extra care of her appearance for her own reasons. 

It could be that she is feeling more confident and wants to look her best, or perhaps she is just trying out a new style. 

Whatever the reason may be, it is important to remember that this is not a valid sign that she has been unfaithful.

7. She alters her hygiene habits.

Again, changes in hygiene routines do not necessarily mean that your girlfriend has slept with someone else. 

Everyone’s hygiene routines can change for a variety of reasons, such as changes in lifestyle or preferences. 

What if your girlfriend has simply decided to switch up her routine, and this is not necessarily a sign of infidelity. 

It is important to remember to trust your partner and to have an open and honest conversation if you have any questions or concerns.

8. She shows concern about your schedule.

It makes sense to be concerned about someone’s schedule if it has changed drastically or if they are not being as communicative as they usually are. 

However, this concern alone should not be taken as a sign that your girlfriend has slept with someone else. 

It’s important to talk to your girlfriend and get to the root of why she is concerned about your schedule. 

This can help you both to understand each other better and to make sure that your relationship is healthy and happy.

9. She is not interested in sexual activities.

Not wanting to have sex does not necessarily mean that your girlfriend has slept with someone else. 

There are different reasons for not wanting to be intimate, and it is important to take the time to talk to your girlfriend and understand why she may not be interested. 

It could be due to stress, fatigue, or any number of other factors. 

It is important to be respectful and understanding of your partner’s feelings, and to not jump to conclusions.

10. She avoids making plans for the future with you.

It’s totally understandable to feel concerned if your girlfriend isn’t making future plans with you.

There could be a variety of other reasons why she isn’t making plans for the future. 

Again, maybe she’s feeling overwhelmed with work or school, or maybe she’s just not sure what she wants right now. 

It’s important to talk to her about your concerns and try to get to the bottom of the issue.

But wait.  I could help but notice that some of these signs could show us for many arrays of reasons that may have nothing to do with infidelity.

If you notice any of these signs, what you should be doing is leaning in and listening to your partner to find out the root cause of their behavior if you find it strange.

Your best teacher about your relationship is your partner.  Not weird gurus who came out of bad relationships without finding healing first.

Frequently Asked Question

Can you physically tell if your girlfriend is cheating?

While there may be physical signs that could suggest something is going on, it is important to remember that it is not always the case. It is best to talk to your girlfriend and express your concerns in a friendly manner. If she is honest with you, she will be able to answer your questions and help you understand the situation.

How do you tell if your GF is into someone else?

It is important to approach the conversation in a friendly and non-confrontational manner. Pay attention to her behavior and look for signs that she is not as interested in you as she once was. Has she been distant or withdrawn lately? Is she spending more time with her friends or on her phone? Does she seem to be more excited to talk about someone else? If you notice any of these changes in her behavior, it may be worth having an open and honest conversation with her about your concerns.

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Stages of Divorce Grief

📌 Author's Note from Lola & Ola:
If you are reading this right now, we know the heartbreak of watching the desire, intimacy, and warmth fade out of your relationship. We survived our own marriage completely dying at the 9-year mark and rebuilt a 20+ year roadmap from it. Before you dive into the details below, grab our complete book Get My Marriage Back for FREE right now so you have an immediate, step-by-step action plan to turn things around.

What are the Stages of Divorce Grief?

The stages of divorce grief are similar to the stages of grief that occur when someone dies.

The stages are shock and disbelief, pain and sorrow, anger and resentment, bargaining and guilt, and acceptance and hope. The order in which the stages occur may vary from person to person.

Some people may skip some of the stages or move through them more quickly than others.

It is important to allow yourself to grieve the loss of your marriage and not try to rush through the process.

1. Shock and disbelief: This is often the first stage after learning that your divorce is final. You may feel numb, have difficulty processing what has happened, and experience many other emotions, including sadness, anger, fear, and relief.

2. Pain and sorrow: As the reality of your divorce sets in, you will likely experience deep feelings of loss and grief.

You may find yourself crying often, feeling depressed, and struggling to cope with the changes in your life.

3. Anger and resentment: It is common to feel a range of negative emotions during this stage, including anger, bitterness, resentment, and frustration. You may lash out at your former spouse, friends, and family members.

4. Bargaining and guilt: During this stage, you may find yourself trying to negotiate with your former spouse or hoping for a reconciliation. You may also feel guilty about the divorce and blame yourself for the situation.

5. Acceptance and hope: In this final stage, you accept that the divorce is final and begin to move on with your life.

You may still feel sad and miss your former spouse, but you are able to start rebuilding your life. You may also feel hopeful about the future and find new meaning in your life.

Tips on Coping with Separation and Divorce

1. Recognize That Your Marriage Is Over: This can be difficult to accept, but it is an important step in the grieving process. Once you come to terms with the fact that your marriage is over, you can begin to move on.

2. Be Patient — Grief Takes Time: The stages of grief do not always happen in a linear fashion. You may move back and forth between stages or even skip some altogether.

3. Surround Yourself With People Who Support You — And Let Them Help: It can be helpful to talk to friends and family members who have gone through a divorce. They can offer guidance and support.

4. Practice Excellent Self-Care: During this difficult time, it is important to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. Make sure to eat healthy foods, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly.

5. Feel Your Feelings: It is normal to feel a range of emotions after your divorce. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your marriage.

6. Find Out What’s There Besides Anger, Sadness, And Fear: As you move through the grieving process, you may find that you have new insights about yourself and your life. Allow yourself to explore these new perspectives.

7. Timebox Your Grief: Set aside specific times each day to grieve the loss of your marriage. This can help you to avoid becoming overwhelmed by your emotions.

8. Don’t Hide Your Divorce Grief From Your Kids (But Don’t Freak Them Out, Either)

It is important, to be honest with your children about your divorce. However, you should avoid sharing too much information or putting them in the middle of the situation.

9. Write It Out, Work It Out, Or Just plain Talk It Out: Journaling, therapy, and talking to friends and family members can all be helpful ways to cope with your divorce.

10. Stop Blaming Your Ex and Start Forgiving Them (and Yourself) One of the most important things you can do for yourself is to let go of any resentment and blame you may feel. This can be difficult, but it is an essential part of healing.

11. Remember: You Will Still Be a Part of Your Kid’s Life Even After Divorce Although your family may be changing, you will still be an important part of your children’s lives. Try to maintain a positive relationship with your former spouse for the sake of your kids.

12. Consider Professional Help Many people find it helpful to seek out professional help during the divorce process. A therapist can provide support and guidance as you navigate this difficult time.

If you are facing divorce, it is important to understand the grieving process. By recognizing the stages of grief, you can better prepare yourself for the journey ahead.

Remember, every divorce is unique and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. If you find yourself struggling, don’t hesitate to seek out professional help. With time and patience, you will eventually reach the acceptance and hope stage.

Don’t Suppress Your Feelings While Grieving

Everyone is different and everyone can experience each one of these stages very differently. Allowing yourself the freedom to grieve during a divorce doesn’t make you weak.  In fact, it can actually make you stronger. If you try to bottle up your emotions, they may eventually come out in destructive ways. It’s okay to cry, be angry, and feel sad. These are all normal reactions to loss.

Divorce is a process, not an event. Just as there is no one right way to grieve the death of a loved one, there is no one right way to grieve the loss of a marriage. Allow yourself the time and space to experience all the emotions that come with this major life change. Seek out support from friends and family members, or consider professional help if you need it. With time and patience, you will eventually reach the acceptance and hope stage.

Coping With the Hard Feelings

Coping with grief during a divorce is exceedingly difficult. Feeling all the emotions mentioned in each stage during the process of divorce is common and necessary for moving forward. It is important to surround yourself with people that love you and support you to help you through this painful time. If you are feeling lost, consider professional counseling to help you regain a sense of self and hope for the future.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Signs That Your Husband is Cheating

📌 Author's Note from Lola & Ola:
If you are reading this right now, we know the heartbreak of watching the desire, intimacy, and warmth fade out of your relationship. We survived our own marriage completely dying at the 9-year mark and rebuilt a 20+ year roadmap from it. Before you dive into the details below, grab our complete book Get My Marriage Back for FREE right now so you have an immediate, step-by-step action plan to turn things around.

Ladies, few things in life feel worse than the nagging suspicion that your husband is cheating on you………other than to find out that’s actually the case.

There are a ton of little telltale signs that you may be able to spot that will start your womanly radar ticking.

Some of your man’s actions may end up being innocent enough, but at other times, where there’s smoke, there could be infidelity fire.

Cheating can be in the mind only, purely emotional, or physical, or a combination of all three.

Just like every marriage is different, so too is every case of cheating.

We won’t quote statistics, but studies show that a lot of men (and women for that matter) do contemplate cheating in some way at some point. It’s one way to explain why the nation’s divorce rate currently hovers at around 50 percent.

So, no matter what your degree of suspicion is when it comes to your husband and what’s in his mind, there are a number of things to keep an eye out for.

Don’t take them as gospel by themselves that cheating is going on, but if you see a lot of what follows in your marriage, it may be time for the “we need to talk” intervention.

Frustration in the marriage is one common trigger; the cheater may make several attempts to solve problems to no avail.

Maybe they had second thoughts about getting married or they were jealous over the attention given to a new baby and neither had the skill set to communicate these feelings.

Perhaps the straying spouse has childhood baggage — neglect, abuse, or a parent who cheated — that interferes with his or her ability to maintain a committed relationship.

Less often, the cheater doesn’t value monogamy, lacks empathy, or simply doesn’t care about the consequences.

We will take a look at a number of risk factors and causes for cheating, but it’s important to point out upfront that a partner doesn’t cause their spouse to cheat. Whether it was a cry for help, an exit strategy, or a means to get revenge after being cheated on themselves, the cheater alone is responsible for cheating.

1. He’s suddenly very interested in his appearance.

If your husband was previously indifferent to his appearance and is now spending more time than usual on his hair and clothes, it could be a sign that he’s trying to impress someone else.

He may also be working out more, or paying more attention to his grooming habits in general.

2. He’s working longer hours or taking more business trips.

If your husband’s work schedule has suddenly changed and he’s spending more time at the office or going on more business trips, it could be a sign that he’s cheating.

He may be using work as an excuse to meet someone else or to spend time away from home.

3. He’s become more distant and withdrawn.

If your husband is suddenly acting distant and withdrawn, it could be a sign that he’s cheating.

He may be less interested in talking to you or spending time with you. He may also seem preoccupied and distracted when you are together.

he’s cheating. He may be buying gifts for someone else, or he may be paying for activities that he wouldn’t normally spend money on.

4. He’s being secretive and evasive.

If your husband is being secretive and evasive, it could be a sign that he’s cheating.

He may be hiding his phone or computer from you, or deleting texts and emails without reading them.

He may also be reluctant to share information about his whereabouts or who he’s been spending time with.

5. He’s got a new group of friends.

If your husband has suddenly started hanging out with a new group of friends, it could be a sign that he’s cheating.

He may be spending more time with them than with you, or he may be secretive about who they are and what they do together.

6. He’s acting differently around you.

If your husband is acting differently around you, it could be a sign that he’s cheating.

He may be more critical of you, or he may be more distant and withdrawn.

He may also seem more interested in sex, or he may be less interested in sex.

7. He’s spending more money than usual.

If your husband is spending more money than usual, it could be a sign that he’s cheating.

He may be buying gifts for someone else, or he may be paying for activities that he wouldn’t normally spend money on.

8. What are those charges on the credit card?

If you monitor your monthly credit card statements and you start to see things pop up that you don’t recognize, they may be harmless, or they could be signs of monkey business that’s afoot.

If you can’t match up the expense with the story, that’s a problem. Also, if he’s now paying in cash for things that used to be charged, that’s a money monkey business concern as well.

9. He wants you to stop doing nice things for him.

Sometimes known as the Catholic guilt syndrome. If you’re being kind and considerate, as relationships should be, it could be revving up the conflict in him if he’s thinking about cheating or already doing so.

10. Cheat on me once, shame on you. Cheat on me twice, shame on me.

A spouse who has cheated in the past and gotten caught is more likely to think they can get away by doing a better job of cheating the second time around. If your spouse has a history of cheating, and you suspect cheating is happening again, it may be time to make that spouse a part of your history instead.

Why Do Husbands Cheat?

There are a lot of reasons that husbands cheat on their wives. Sometimes it has to do with the husband’s own insecurities or feeling like he isn’t good enough for his wife.

Sometimes cheating is a way to get revenge after an argument or disagreement. And sometimes, husbands cheat simply because they’re curious or they want to experience something new.

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