WILL SMITH – 5 Tips for an Effective Apology (ft. CHRIS ROCK)

“Chris, I apologize to you.  My behavior was unacceptable and I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk.”

So superstar $35 million Hollywood actor Will Smith finally apologized to Chris Rock on the Oscar slap and as to be expected, the whole online community is dragging him again.

On March 27th, 2022 at the 2022 Oscars, Chris Rock cracked a joke around Jada Pinkett-Smith’s bald head comparing her to Demi Moore’s character in the movie G.I. Jane.

Then her husband,Will Smith, laughed and in a split second, walked up to the stage and slapped the shit out of Chris Rock.

We all thought it was a joke.  We all thought it was staged.  We all thought it was acting. But it was real

From the beginning, I have made it clear that there are only 3 things that Will Smith has done wrong publicly and I’m sorry…

It’s not marrying Jada Pinkett-Smith  It is…

1. Supporting the terrible idea of bringing her personal family issues to the red table talk and to the public.

2. Assaulting a fellow man for “disrespect” in front of the public; 17.7 million to be precise according to the New York Post.

3. Overdose on that “woke” lifestyle over-shalaye mansplaining nonsense.

The public is wrong about everything as usual including every attempt to involve Jada Pinkett-Smith in the Oscar slap which clearly did not involve her.

I know you all want to bring in Tupac, her daughter’s 7 years old letter to Tupac, AUG, the Jada vs Will social media banter video… lames… but nah.  That’s weak.

I can’t front.  Involving and blaming her for her husband’s mistakes seems to make videos go super viral.  But over here, we are not going to do that.  That’s weak and toxic.

We will do it the right way by helping me hit that like button, sharing and commenting your personal opinions about this apology below this video.  

As a thanks for doing that, here is a picture of Jada crying.

I have to keep applauding Chris Rock on his conduct throughout the whole ordeal.  

In fact, he addressed it for the first time only a few days earlier on stage saying… “Anyone who says “words hurt” has never been punched in the face”.

Anyway, Will Smith released the apology video on Friday, July 29th, 2022 and I think it’s an opportunity for us to review and extract some lessons around effective apology.

I have extracted 5 tips from the 5 minutes and 44 seconds apology.  So let’s get to it.

Tip Number 5 – Take Your Time

So the slap happened on March 27th, 2022 and the apology came out on July 29th, 2022 which is about 4 months later.  I think that’s more than enough time for proper introspection.

One thing that’s wrong about most apologies is the fact that they are often reflex action designed to push issues under the rug as fast as possible; it’s avoidance at best.

At this point, it’s obvious that Will Smith is not trying to run from his mistake. Kudos for that.

Tip Number 4 – Make it Short & Sweet (If it has to be public.)

If the offense happened publicly, the apology should also be public in addition to a private discussion.  

So I can appreciate this public apology except for the fact that it wasn’t a written statement. Will Smith seems to be overthinking everything and then making it worse subsequently.  

At this point, the public rhetoric is actively trying to tear his marriage apart due to over-exposure.  It’s sad to watch… people would rather listen to and over pedestalize divorcees than those trying to make it work.  It is what it is,

Anyway, anything more than a well crafted PR statement can potentially destroy his private life.  It’s just not necessary and it’s aligning too much with approval and validation seeking behavior.

“Speaking from the heart” for a  large superstar like Will Smith is overrated and not necessary. 

Before you know it, you will be referencing yourself way too much and that can make your apology come off as disingenuous.

So statements such as “disappointing people is my central trauma” is not necessary as it starts to sound like it’s about what he wants.

“It hurts me psychologically and emotionally to know I didn’t live up to people’s image and impression of me.”  This is that  “woke” lifestyle over-shalaye mansplaining nonsense.

Apologizing to these people in the public and everything he said after that are definitely major problems.  

More than enough of these weirdos on the internet are rooting and waiting for the entertainment of Jada and Will divorce. 

In fact, there was a rumor like that and it almost set social media on fire.

Tip Number 3 – Don’t Manipulate for Forgiveness 

“Chris, I apologize to you.  My behavior was unacceptable and I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk.”  

I think that part was clean especially with the addition of… and I quote.

“I want to apologize to Chris’s mother.”

Too many people offer apology only because they are looking for an instant exchange for forgiveness.  That would make it a terrible apology instantly.

Now it’s actually one thing to explicitly and expressly ask for forgiveness in words, but I think it’s worse when your actions reflect it and especially contradicts your words.

So if you say “I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk”, then you need to say less than necessary and let the chips fall where they may.  

Just trust that a few words and time is more than enough for adequate healing. 

Especially as men, we need to know that nothing is guaranteed in life even if you are a good person.

When I hear a lot of men talk about this issue, all I hear is unrealistic expectations of a good woman just for being a good Mr-Nice Guy.

That’s weak.  Life doesn’t always work like that.

So when Will Smith said “This is probably irreparable.” It was perfect.  

Ladies and gentlemen… “no guarantees” attitude puts you at advantage of making the most out of what’s left of your life and simultaneously increasing the chances of an apology being accepted dramatically.

Tip Number 2 – Ensure Reception

While I appreciate Will Smith’s apology to his wife (fuck what everyone else thinks), 

“I made a choice on my own, from my own experiences, from my history with Chris.  Jada had nothing to do with it.  I’m sorry babe.”

I think there was too much stress on apologies to the general public.

The public is not receptive to it.  From all the public rhetoric and opinions I am seeing, it seems divorcing Jada will be more entertaining at this point.  They are hungry for blood.

From my assessment, the public is ready to forgive Will Smith as soon as he forgives himself and gets back to what he does best; and that is not the red table talk.

Ensuring reception of an apology is part of the reason why you should take your time which was the first tip I shared with you in this countdown.

Tip Number 1 – Differentiate Remorse & Shame

Contrary to popular conservative opinion, shame is absolutely destructive; so is self guilt. 

Nothing authentic, wholesome and productive comes from anyone suffering from shame either from self or external force.

He said… and I quote “I am deeply remorseful and I’m typing to be remorseful without being ashamed of myself.” “I’m trying not to think of myself as a piece of shit.”

I can appreciate him truly believing that statement but it’s absolutely not necessary to say that out loud.  Saying it out loud almost defeats the purpose.

So many people confuse remorse with shame. 

Remorse is regret and maybe purposeful guilt while shame is just baseless guilt… maybe based on being overly concerned with optics.  

Misguided shame, insult, guilt, judgment, blame, condemnation are all destructive.  

Ultimately, this is all semantics.  What I am suggesting is to make sure you are not creating a new problem with your solution.  

You can call it whatever you want as long as the apology doesn’t create further negative outcomes for yourself.

“If you hang on, I promise we’ll be able to be friends again.”

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