💔 Kevin Samuels’ High Value Man vs High Quality Man

In this lesson, we are going to talk about Kevin Samuel’s high value man rhetoric, why it is dangerous and the only 10 goods we can take from him.

WARNING!

This is not a video where we are going to bash Kevin Samuels blindly because we want to be feminists or just for clout.  

This lesson is more-so for people who may blindly apply his “high value man” rhetoric wrongly in an actual romantic relationship or marriage.

You will also discover the 7 core values of the almighty High Quality Man and why you want to be him (gentleman) or want to be with him (ladies).

Late 2020, we stumbled into a video of Kevin Samuels going in heavily on a young lady who called into his YouTube show.

Apparently, she was a business owner who felt she deserved a 6 figure high value man.  

She felt the need to call into this man’s show to explain herself on how she has a lot to offer and she got what she got from Kevin.

Here is where we agree with Kevin.  If you have a lot to offer, time… and not your mouth will tell and that’s the reality.

In efforts to convince her to appreciate and consider the average earning man, Kevin got into a debate with this lady as he does quite often.

As she was trying to ask Kevin another question… starting with how she looks to herself, Kevin interrupted as he does often to ask her how she rates herself on a scale of 1-10.

The rule: she could not use 7 so she answered 5 when she wakes up and 6 when she uses makeup…. Height 5’5’’ and a size 3.

We were like…. Whoaaaaa… Ladies… 

His response was that higher earning men tend not to get with average looking women.  I don’t know what world he lives in but that’s absolutely inaccurate.

The surprise-matches happen all the time in all age groups across the board. To be fair, he did exclude people who got together when they were young.

But I also feel that a low self-esteem lady calling into a show to seek Kevin’s often petty opinions and to argue with him at the same time deserve whatever they get.  We need Kevin.

Anyways, he ended up telling the lady “You’re Average At Best.”  And again to be fair, he did say, “please don’t make me say it” before he said it.

Here is the real question that we want young men in particular to pay attention to. 

“Did he actually lose his patience or was that pure acting?”

We also want to introduce you to the high quality man.  

You have to admit that a high quality man sounds more like what you want and that… he has more substance.  Wouldn’t you want to know him or be him?

I know you are probably one of the few wondering who Kevin Samuels is;  I don’t want to assume that you are one of his 800,000+ YouTube subscribers and growing very fast.  

Kevin Samuels is a YouTube relationship statistics expert who suddenly stumbled into massive  fame online between the fall of 2020 and 2021.

He has very controversial and provocative opinions from addressing the modern woman specifically.

One thing we can tell you with all confidence right now after watching his videos is that he has been misunderstood.  

Allow me to explain.

No disrespect to the OG!

I was on a social media app and there were modern women perpetuating a definition of a high value man they claimed they got from Kevin.

Most of them never took the time to watch his videos and try to understand where he is coming from.  We have.  

And we agree but his rhetoric is dangerous to all those modern men in his comments…  

If you haven’t noticed, the modern man seems to be more emotional than ever. The modern man also thinks it’s time to keep scores with the modern woman because she asks for 50-50.

The modern man has forgotten that he also wants to lead a woman who respects, trusts and submits to his leadership.  

Confusion everywhere.  Thanks Kevin.  

After watching 2 of his videos on “What is High Value Man?”

These modern women like most people on social media had misrepresented his ideas of a high value man.

These are the reasons why they get into these useless arguments about the fantasy of a world without men with other confused modern men who feel like Kevin is their voice right now.

Total chaos!

Under the 1st video that we watched which is “What Is A High Value Man? High Value Men Defined”, he had this 6 characteristics of a high value man:

  1. He makes $10,000 or more per month
  2. He has demonstrated performance over a minimum of 5 years time
  3. He has group acceptance by other high value men
  4. He belongs to a network of other high value men
  5. He has visibility in the society
  6. He has utility which means he is useful to others in the society.

Under the 2nd video which is “FACTS About Being High Value Man”, he broke F.A.C.T as an acronym down to some attributes of a high value man:

  1. Failure – He is a product of a series of failures.
  2. Action – He takes action.
  3. Change – He embraces change as a constant in life.
  4. Time – He understands the value of time in everything.

I am paraphrasing by the way… but those are Kevin’s idea of a high value man.

As you can see, anyone in their right mind would appreciate these points on face value because they just make sense.

But the modern women that I encountered on social media talking about this were stuck on just:

  • Semantics
  • The money, 
  • Salary, 
  • Net worth and Finances, 
  • If he still lives with his mother (regardless of the circumstances) and 
  • The man’s big penis.

The High Focus On Superficial Things Like Money, And Beauty Are Gross And Shallow At Best. 

It’s precisely why these arguments will never end and why many struggle with relationships and marriages.

While some are internalizing Kevin’s rhetoric and using them to check men such as searching literally for “high value men” on dating apps and saying things like…

“If all you have is potential or live with mom temporarily, you are not yet a high value man.

Some continue to declare their stance against falling in love with potential in a man even though Kevin’s definition of a high value man is a function of failures and time.

If there is such a thing as a high value man, he becomes a high value man long before it reflects in a bank account and to his credit, Kevin reflects that in “facts about high value man.”

  • Failure and
  • Time

But I have to give him the credit for also being responsible in pushing those rhetoric in his application when addressing the modern women who call into his shows… 

Kevin tells them that long term romantic relationships with high value men is a function of beauty.  This is false at all levels.

There are too many beautiful girls who will be single against their will and they can’t all have nasty attitudes as he claims.  

I personally think it’s the epidemic of modern men who lack game.

High Value Man vs High Quality Man

Here is a quick comparison between the dictionary meaning of the word ‘value’ and ‘quality’… 

Value“To consider or rate highly : prize, esteem values your opinion. 

2a : to estimate or assign the monetary worth of : appraise value a necklace. 

b : to rate or scale in usefulness, importance, or general worth : evaluate. Value.”

Quality“The standard of something as measured against other things of a similar kind; the degree of excellence of something. A distinctive attribute or characteristic possessed by someone or something.”

Think of the fundamental difference between the 2 words as cookie cutter and tailor made or trending and timeless.

Also, we are not telling you which of these types of men you want to be or want to attract.  You actually get to choose still.

But we can tell you that only high quality men are able to lead in a romantic relationship… 

And everyone else including your typical high value man like Kevin Samuels will exhaust their right to be right and crash their romantic relationship in that process.

And it will still hurt (if not butt-hurt like Kevin) because as it is for the rest of us, love and connection are basic human needs.  

As it is that the modern woman doesn’t get to control their submission, trust and respect for a high quality man as a default, we all don’t get to turn off our basic need for love and connection.

In the next video (part 2), we have to dive in through the 7 core values that all high quality men understand but Kevin’s “high value man” can easily miss.

We will talk about Kevin’s idea of a high value man which is probably and partly why he couldn’t keep his 2 marriages even though we agree with all his 10 characteristics of a high value man.

Finances and beauty are just never enough.

If it’s already available, click on it on the screen now.  Either way, subscribe to ensure that you are getting notified when we upload new videos.

PART 2 IS HERE…

Be sure to watch both parts of this special on Kevin Samuel’s high value man and why he couldn’t save his 2 marriages… Possibly.  But first… 

Here is… 

Why We Agree with Kevin Samuels!

Don’t forget about our book…

GET MY MARRIAGE BACK with my husband OLA

…which you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

You will also be able to book a coaching session after downloading the book if you are struggling in a relationship or a marriage.

We agree with all 10 of Kevin Samuels’ attributes of a high value man but there are 7 more core values we want to add to a high value man to become a high quality man.

We believe Kevin Samuels, as a man, is also missing these 7 core values based on watching many of his videos and how he addresses the ladies.

But we are open to being wrong.  We could be wrong,

We do not agree with 99.99% of his application on romantic relationships, the 0.01% we do agree on is probably the facts; the numbers are what they are.

Romantic relationships are driven by emotions and not economics, dictionary meanings, market value or how much people are willing to pay for anything; high value or not.

We agree on his ideas of a high value man but without these 7 additional core values, Kevin’s high value man is trash in the real world and real relationships.

In fact with these 7 core values of a high quality man, you can remove all monetary or financial status from his 10 characteristics and you have yourself a high quality man because money is a by-product anyway.

Ladies.. with a high quality man, no condition is permanent anyway.  You will feel safe, secure and build a romantic life with consistent butterflies in your stomach.

It won’t be a choice to trust, respect and submit to him. It’s a natural occurrence and symptom of romantic experience with a high quality man.

As I said earlier, this is not a Kevin Samuels bashing, parody or reaction video; very funny videos everywhere but this is far from it.  

In fact, we appreciate him in the dating guru marketplace because he is putting a lot of modern women in their place which is a much needed reality check.

These videos where he is addressing some of these “modern women” are extremely entertaining with lots of funny moments. 

So I would agree that he is also much appreciated in entertainment because of all these hilarious videos with him taking on a lot of misguided modern women.

But remember the question I asked earlier.

“Does He Actually Lose His Patience With Modern Women Or It’s Just Pure Acting?”

Kevin Samuels thinks that submission, trusting and respecting a man is a duty.  That’s the trash he is silently pushing through many trash modern high value man.

Those things have to be earned as a response to the level of quality emotions and leadership you sow as a man into a typical romantic relationship.

Religiously or culturally speaking, submission, trust and respect may have been painted to be a duty of a woman; it’s simply not the reality anymore.

We suspect this is why he has been divorced twice allegedly.  To be fair, he takes responsibility for his part on how his marriages played out.

But we know his type.  

He is the type of person who feels entitled because they are honest, hold people accountable including self and take responsibility for outcomes…

But fail to recognize the impact of emotions.

7 Additional Core Values To Become a High Quality Man 

  1. He demonstrates infinite patience with emotional expressions.
  2. He needs no validation of his right & wrong ideologies.
  3. He seeks wisdom beyond facts, statistics & dictionary meanings.
  4. He does not keep scores with women and romantic partners therefore effectively avoiding toxic arguments.
  5. He does not use generalization in romantic issues.
  6. He has a personal purpose & life mission bigger than life.
  7. He understands that money is a by-product of everything else.

When a high quality man understands the infinite patience part of addressing the ladies, it seems that Kevin Samuels referred to him as a simp or beta male.

After watching quite a few videos, we are convinced by Kevin’s general demeanor and conduct.

And his response to these modern women shows that he may have been hurt badly by his past romantic relationships.

You hear it when he goes… “That’s what’s wrong with y’all women…”

A high quality man does not generalize and/or address anybody as such.  

In fact,  a high quality man is so patient that he treats all ladies he encounters including strangers like a lady even when she seems wrong.

By the way, a high quality man can end up in divorce because that’s also a function of so many other variables but not as likely.  But a high quality man will treat his ex-wife like a queen still.

Remember he may value validation but doesn’t really need it.

Contrary to that, Kevin gets very defensive with these ladies and subsequently attacks them right below the belt with the stats of… 

“3 out of 4 black women will NOT marry.”

“I get tired of you broads telling me I’m being mean…”

How many broads have told Kevin he is mean? Oh my God…

There is no room for a high quality man to be that petty unless he is acting.  If he is acting, then kudos to him because he is doing a great job at playing a low quality man.

If you understand women, you will understand the need for an infinite level of patience because your insecurities will be tested by a woman you love.

… and not strangers as in the case of Kevin.  

He can get away with this on his YouTube show but you won’t be able to get away with this in a real romantic relationship.

Becoming a high quality man doesn’t make you dumber than Kevin.  

With a strong sense of personal purpose and a life mission that’s larger than you, that level of patience and zero need for validation is paramount.

He has claimed that high value men avoid loud and non-cooperative women.  That would be true only if they knew up-front.  But that idea is flawed because everyone puts up a front.

So here is the real question…

Can you handle a surprisingly loud and non-cooperative modern woman, seduce and make her trust, respect and submit to your leadership?  

Just having the 666; 6 figure income, 6 feet tall and 6 packs won’t cut it OG.

Why Doesn’t He Address Men with Same Energy?

He claimed he used to be aggressive with men but it just wasn’t as popular.  From experience, I know that to be true to a certain level.

I checked and the energy he gives men is very different.  He doesn’t advise men and I can respect that hustle decision; he claims the response is not as good.

But when you check in the comments though, with all due respect, it’s full of broken and weak men which make Kevin the voice of the people now to check women.  

They really enjoy him when he is rolling his eyes when the modern woman says something that triggers him. Utility right?

Kevin was a guest on the Joe Budden show and he seemed like he had a level of courtesy and patience for men that he has not demonstrated with women in general.

Unless, he is acting or he is just that passionate about educating them, it’s coming off all wrong and the only value anyone is getting is entertainment including us.

Conclusion & The Main Lesson.

We need Kevin Samuels’ Ministry on these streets precisely to give us that dose of reality that the modern woman seems to need.  

But men need to be careful with his rhetoric.

Derrick Jaxn said he hears a lot of adolescence in Kevin’s mentality.  With all due respect OG Godfather, I didn’t say that but I see what he is saying.

We have seen some videos of people trying to expose his past of evictions, legal and financial woes.  Those are useless, unnecessary and irrelevant efforts.  

We all have a past that we are not proud of and Kevin already won there by making a high value man a function of failures and time.

If you want to have an argument with Kevin, Ladies you have to stay on topic and if you are a typical lady, you are incapable because of your nature to be focused on 1,000 topics at the same time. 

He will beat you up with laser focused straight facts even if he has to be petty and lose 2 marriages in that process.

No disrespect but that seems to be what may have happened to Kevin’s 2 marriages.

Kevin Samuels is the kind of person who wants to deal with reality while excluding emotions as part of that reality like most modern men who claim to be more logical than women.

He wins at telling the truth and the facts but if you haven’t learned yet, sooner or later you will learn that you are not guaranteed happiness just because you speak FACTS.

Unfortunately, you are not entitled to holding your lady accountable because you are also claiming to want to lead a romantic relationship in the same breath. 

In fact, that is a direct cause of many men’s heartbreak; Speaking too much facts.

Kevin is right.  

But everyone else who thinks they are right are also right.  That’s why the race to be right is by default a losing battle in all romantic relationships.

99% romance, regardless of who you are, is driven by emotions.

Kevin’s stats can’t change that.  

But we also agree, also in agreement with the undefeatable Ms Iyanla Vanzant, that the modern woman is out of order in a lot of ways.But “whose standard order?” is also a valid question… Let’s discuss.

Bill & Melinda Gates’ Divorce: 5 Reasons

Let’s be clear that… the only reason there is a massive discussion around Bill and Melinda Gates’ divorce is one of the 5 reasons why many marriages continue to fail as we are about to highlight right now.

So pay attention.

But Before we dive into that, let’s do a quick refresh on who they are and why this is a big deal.

In April 1975, Bill Gates co-created one of the biggest corporations of the 21st century along with Paul Allen; Microsoft Corporation.

That company is a massive force behind personal computing as we all know it today.  

In 1997, I personally discovered personal computers.  I was so excited and decided to change my career plans at the time from Architecture to Computer Engineering.

This is not about me. 

3 years before that, 1994, on the other side of the hemisphere, Bill Gates married one of Microsoft’s employees; Melinda French at the time.

Both of them are responsible for probably the biggest private charity organization in the world which holds nearly $50 Billion in assets; Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. 

There is a lot of controversy around the activities of Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation in recent times with respect to the pandemic that hit the world in 2020 and some comments by Bill Gates with respect to population-growth rate control.

It was basically a confusion between a decreasing population and population-growth due to the mortality rate of children as picked up from a TED talk he did back around 2010.  

It was a comprehension issue as usual.

Many people are trying to “connect dots” purely based on conspiracy theories because people always try to pull answers from the thin air due to fear of the unknown.

But we don’t know what we don’t know especially with no details revealed in court documents on why they are filing the divorce.  

With respect to reasons, the filing referenced their separation contract which was not available publicly at press time.

What we do know is that they both acknowledge in their statement that the marriage was blessed with three children together: Jennifer, Rory, and Phoebe. 

At the time of the announcement of their divorce on May 3rd 2021, the youngest of their children was 18 years old and they had been married for 27 years.

So Why is Melinda Gates Filing for Divorce 27 Years Later?

As to be expected, there is a lot of speculation from money and power to conspiracy theory to Bill’s personality, to the “pandemic virus really being a mere bacteria” and all sorts of nonsense.

But we believe more-so in the core reasons around the simple fact that they are just humans like the rest of us but obviously within the confinement of a different context; 

That context being their economic and social status in society.

We believe somebody lost attraction and interest for the other romantically long before the public announcement; possibly way before Bill found out that Melinda no longer liked who she had become in the marriage.

Is it just a coincidence that their last born just became an adult at the time of the divorce announcement?  Maybe it is.

As humans, we have more in common than we like to admit especially when it comes to romance, relationships and marriage.

Every adviser, their moms and their pops are very quick to point out how every marriage is different; but is that really a brand new discovery?

How About Trying a Little Harder Than Social Media Rhetoric? 

In the next video, we talk about the random psychologists popping up everywhere with destructive ideologies for marriages and how to avoid them.

Punch all 3 buttons in the face to ensure you don’t miss that one.

We believe there are core reasons why every marriage in any social or economic class thrives in its journey or declines before “death do us part.

Bill and Melinda Gates are no exception.  

They may be wealthier from a money and financial standpoint but completely drained when it comes to the ultimate 5 reasons we are about to share with you.

This can be especially true when we are talking about a typical woman who is also married professionally to her husband; they work together. 

Most men in this situation tend to forget about the most important aspect of their lives together; the romance.  

Even men who do not work professionally together with their wives forget to treat their wives like a lady; soon enough they start treating the wife like the homie.  It’s called complacency.

This is the justification that many of them have for entering into a “healthy debate” that turn to toxic arguments, resentments and consecutive days of malice keeping in the home.

Is This Divorce Courageous or Sad… A Shame?

People’s opinion on what they think of this divorce will be a function of their past experiences and not absolute truth or fact.

In fact, one person said, she felt sad, not because of the divorce but from wondering how long Melinda Gates had been suffering in that marriage.

She also volunteered her life story that she divorced her ex-husband after 22 years. So as you can see, that opinion reflected her own experiences.

So ask yourself?

Why do you think it was courageous?  Are you a happy divorcee or this is just your justification of your past failure in marriage?  Is this “misery love company”?

Why do you think it’s sad? Are you calling this a shame because you have a toxic belief system that staying in a marriage is a duty regardless of emotional pain?

Conclusion & Main Lesson

Bill Gates was the type of guy who needed a little training on his romance skills according to Melinda–his wife; soon to be ex-wife.  

Sometimes, a typical woman wants your offering and sacrifice for the relationship to be your idea then she wouldn’t mind helping sometimes.  Your wife is not your mother so there is only so much training she can offer you.

As a husband, you should be aware of little things like this that can obviously stack up against your marriage over a 27 years period.

And as a wife, you should be aware that love is always enough to carry a marriage but common sense is a terrible guide for a marriage.  

So I want you to seek professional help as soon as the marriage doesn’t feel right; don’t normalize it until you exhaust the marriage.

In an interview, Melinda shared that patience was the key to their relationship.  Does that mean she was over-leading in patience? 

She said… 

“When he was having trouble making the decision about getting married, he was incredibly clear that it was not about me, it was about, ‘Can I get the balance right between work and family life?’”.

So this is one of the richest humans ever in the history of humans. I am convinced that decision making is not Bill Gates’ weakness in business.  But what about in romance?

Did he carry this habit on-and-off and throughout the 27 years period?  

Did she wait till her last born became an adult before attempting to feed herself emotionally and then filing for the divorce?  

Or Maybe completely the opposite way around where she was the culprit who broke Bill’s heart?  

Was there an affair or infidelity involved?

Was heavy professional travel around the world separately a big reason for the death of their marriage?  We are just curious.

More importantly, we are all trying to figure this marriage thing out right? It’s ultimately a journey that must be nurtured to get its fruits.

We do know that whatever it is, it is a combination of a couple or all of these 5 reasons.

  1. The Marriage Lost The Purpose
  2. One Partner Lost Attraction
  3. One Partner Lost The Sense of Self
  4. One Partner Lost The Sense of Personal Purpose
  5. One Partner is Anticipating a Greener Grass on the Other Side

These are not crimes or faults that require blame, guilt, judgement or condemnation at any level but the consequences 100% of the time is the loss of marriage and divorce.  

Latoya Forever’s 10 Implicit Lessons from the Divorce

Hello this is LOLA coming to you live from LOLAandOLA.com

…. and this is OLA

In today’s lesson, we are sharing 10 lessons we’ve extracted from Latoya Forever’s marriage and divorce.

We are tapping into Latoya’s life with her estranged husband, Adam Ali, so we can all learn some pitfalls to avoid.

After watching her 2 parts video interview that she released on her channel and channel with the new boyfriend (where it seemed that she wrote the questions…)

And watching the interview that her ex-husband did with blogger UnwinewithTashaK,

We have extracted these 10 lessons that we believe regular people like us can learn from, protect our relationship with our spouse and subsequently protect our marriages.

Without any further ado, let’s dive right in…

So what would you say is the number one implied lesson Latoya is trying to teach us with all these tell-all interviews?

Lesson #1 – Marriage is not for Children

Quite a bit of the communications within romantic relationships during and after is done through body languages regardless of how much you claim conversations to be the key.

Fun Tip: Conversation is not the same as communication.

The first interview we saw was the interview that unwinewithtashaK did with the ex-husband Adam Ali.

As soon as the interview started, I could read his body language and I picked up lots of immature signals.

One may say I was prejudging him without knowing him but we all prejudge.

Also, it is important to note that prejudging is different from judging.

Our prejudice is a function of our experiences

And what we do have are personal experiences and that of clients.

Most people go into marriage as amateurs without intending to but that’s exactly what it is… so nothing special there.

With what we saw in Latoya’s conduct on the reality TV show, THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA, her childish attitude to life was displayed quite a bit.

So you can imagine, how immature they were as far back as 2011 when they first got together.

The lesson here is to try as much as possible to understand basic adulting

….and knowing as much as possible about self before getting in the serious business of marriage.

What second lesson did you get from watching Adam Ali being interviewed on TaskaK’s platform?

Lesson #2 – Don’t Keep Scores with your Spouse or Partner

PREVIOUS POST: 17 Signs of When to Walk Away From A Sexless Marriage

Many people are stuck on the give and take formula when in fact, the only way for relationships to thrive is to go there and focus on giving.

This is especially true if you are the man who is always complaining about how your wife is not keeping her own end of the bargain.

Relationships especially within the context of Marriage is not a bargain game and you will always lose when you actively keep scores with each other.

Healthy relationships are as simple as out-giving each other. It’s a game of choosing a partner that you love enough to want to just give to without expectations.

Adam Ali referenced this so many times by saying Latoya… as the face of their brand seemed to always fall off her responsibilities.

Was she right or wrong?

That’s irrelevant in healthy relationships.

Knowing what we know, it sounds like Adam was quite adamant about getting things done when they are supposed to get done

….even if that creates division between the two of them.

With his good intentions, he found himself in place of conflict with his wife often all in the name of business.

They both blame it on the business but this is simply a case of a man who confuses his lady with a business partner.

At the end of the day, it’s their own emotions that played the tricks on them and not the business.

A simple root cause analysis will reveal that.

So what would you say about the many events they’ve had over the years?

Like for example, Adam allegedly cursed Latoya out for trapping him with the conception of their 2nd baby?

Lesson #3 – Don’t Sweep Problems Under the Rug

As you said, there were many events over the years that were,  not necessarily signals for divorce, but signals to seek professional help.

One of the main problems is that some take it as an attack when the partner suggests counseling, therapy or coaching.

In fact, I was that guy.

It’s best to receive it as an opportunity to analyze the marriage and adjust for best chances of good love and longevity.

They missed so many opportunities like most people and swept those problems under the rug; we almost lost our marriage doing the same thing.

Do you think it’s different for celebrities or couples who do business together?

Lesson #4 – We are the Problem; Not the Business

TRENDING: “SHOULD I STOP MY DIVORCE⁉️” ❤️

Humans have the same basic needs and the only difference is our individual stories; that is to be considered when navigating life and love.

Latoya and Adam allowed division from what we considered to be natural environmental factors such as their occupation and status.

They could have also learned how to orchestrate unity by leveraging what they loved about each other; they went the other route instead.

Do you think unwanted pregnancy played a role in the fate of their marriage?

Lesson #5 – Pregnancy is Not an Automatic Marriage

Their first unplanned pregnancy played a role only because unfit people weaponize everything against themselves.

But it is worth noting that it can be problematic to make pregnancy into an automatic marriage.

We also know people who have succeeded in building a meaningful marriage from that type of scenario.

It simply took taking the marriage seriously enough to not keep winging things along but commit to the process of learning.

They both allegedly made a choice to cheat on each other.

Did that guarantee the divorce?

Lesson #6 – Cheating is a Symptom; Not an Excuse; Still, a Choice.

The answer to that question is “no”, but it was an added-layer to the amount of work it would take to bring that marriage back.

The betrayal of physical or emotional infidelity cuts deeply and coming back from that is like waking up an 800 years old dead body.

But with God, all things are possible.

All it takes is the same choice but much emotional work to fix the underlying issues because cheating is a symptom at the end of the day.

Were they compatible?

Lesson #7, Being Equally-Yoked tends to be irrelevant when you are in love.

Compatibility for the most part tends to become a question when people don’t want to take responsibility in nurturing the relationship or marriage they committed to.

In these types of cases, people are very quick to judge them on not making sure of compatibility before they married but it’s complete high-horse nonsense.

Even if you asked the question of compatibility before you married…

There is an extremely good chance that you won’t have the proper context to assess that because you have not been tested.

In fact, you are in love. If you feel differently, be patient. Just wait for it.

You will be tested from a blind spot… it’s inevitable and that’s why ultimately, marriage is a step of faith.

Two unique human beings coming together to play life is not a joke.

Regardless of religion, creed or culture, humans have PTSD from different types of trauma level.

Romantic relationships, especially within the context of marriage, will test everyone involved at levels they’ve never experienced before.

So premarital counseling will only help if it involves learning conflict and crisis handling because these things are inevitable no matter how strong your equally-yoked compatibility formula is.

Don’t get it twisted because of what they said; Latoya and Adam were in and out of love multiple times like the rest of us.

But aren’t these things common sense?

Lesson #8, Common sense is a terrible guide to a successful marriage.

We’ve learned together that everyone has common sense and that’s why it’s common.

Here is common sense.

The idea that we love doing the same thing professionally so we must be compatible romantically.

Latoya and Adam are great examples of how that plays out when it comes to marriages.

Not so well right?

Who do you think is at fault here?

Lesson #9 – Hurt people hurt people

This question creates the same problem that keeping scores with a spouse or partner creates. It creates division and eliminates unity.

It’s never a matter of fault.

It is more so a function of so many variables to be unpacked in the experience of marriage preferably with a professional.

Everyone has been hurt and experienced disappointment at one level or the other.

So it’s only natural to pull up guards at any sight of feeling unsafe and insecure.

Hurt people hurt people so Latoya and Adam simply experienced a vicious cycle that would take a tremendous level of humility, time, patience and most likely professional to break.

Do you think the outside world who are always in their comments and on blogs played a role?

Lesson #10, Opinions are like a** holes; everyone has one…

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

When you understand how life and love works, you will also understand that it’s okay for people to have opinions about your relationship.

But as public figures, you would have also understood that you are both humans and there is only so much you can handle emotionally.

That means therapy, counseling and coaching would be on stand-by if you have to be in a position to process millions of terrible opinions about your life everyday.

At a basic level, we all have to manage others’ opinions in our marriage.

Inside the book GET MY MARRIAGE BACK, we tell our story and how we were able to come back from a filed divorce.

Download it for free at:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

Unrealistic EXPECTATION in Relationships & Marriages ❤️ 2 Reasons why it DESTROYS…

How do you deal with unrealistic expectations in a relationship?

Expectations are only as real as the existence of this conversation; no more and no less.

Frankly, they don’t have to be any more significant than…

  1. Your ability to manage your expectations
  2. And your ability to interpret expressions of your partner’s expectations.

It is problematic 100% of the time when you receive expressions of expectations from your partner as an attack.

Naturally, you will feel a need to defend yourself and that’s what creates a vicious cycle of toxic relationships.

Instead, why not consider the expression of expectations as a gift and an opportunity to give into the relationship.

Are Women’s Standards & Expectations too High?

That’s a tricky question.

On one hand, I personally am not attracted to a woman with low standards and I also found that…

Most of the men that I know are not attracted to that also.

But on the other hand, this question comes from a valid place because frankly, there are blurry or fine lines between standard and expectations.

The way I look at it is that a woman needs to feel safe enough to express our expectations without feeling like it will be received as an attack.

What About Some Unrealistic Expectations Examples?

It starts for a lot of people in the dating phase with the idea of revelation of everything on a first date.

As human beings, we tend to put up a front naturally when we are getting to know a person of interest.

But to add onto that, the expectation of another human remaining the same throughout the course of a relationship is unrealistic.

This expectation usually shows up in the form of vibe, energy, action and most importantly, outlook.

Are Unrealistic Expectations in Marriage Leading to Divorce?

Yes they are… but that’s not always an obvious thing.

It usually happens as a slow but sure death over time.

When you observe healthy relationships and marriage goals from a far,

The amount of grace and investment that goes into that is not often the most obvious to see.

By the time most people get to the stage of divorce, they have usually lost sight of where it all started…

What they can usually see are the resentments.

There are many other reasons why a marriage may lead divorce of course,

But I guarantee that somewhere in-there, 93+% of the time, there was a display of unrealistic expectation on one another.

“My Husband Has too High & Unrealistic Expectations of Me”

If you feel like you are going through this with your husband, it’s time to learn something new.

There is a good chance that you also have expectations of your husband to know how to better set his expectations in your relationship.

I guess he failed and you probably feel that your expectations are realistic but then… I agree with you.

As you know, I don’t have context of your particular situation

But you should know that your knowledge of his expectations can be a powerful seduction tool in your marriage

…without hurting yourself in the process.

Granted…

He may be terrible in communicating his “terrible expectations” to you but I would just start asking yourself,

“What can I do with that information?”

OR… you can do what most people do which is to receive it as an attack, get defensive and trash the relationship.

Unrealistic Expectations in Dating

Exact scientific formulas are simply not enough when vetting for dating because all it does is create a massive emotional blind spot.

There are systems but they have to be internalized.

The most popular UNREALISTIC expectations in dating is wrapped around money and beauty;

Just superficial things and currencies that depreciate in value moment by moment.

While it is cool to be attracted to certain looks, social or economic class, these are not basic human needs that stand the test of time.

In just a few years…

Not only will money and beauty fade, your focus in particular, on these superficial things will fade.

Unfortunately, it might be too late for you to start prioritizing other qualities that matter in your partner.

You can give yourself money and beauty.

Women’s Unrealistic Expectations about Marriage Tend to Stem from…

…Past hurtful experiences.

To be frank, that’s applicable to both women and men alike.

Naturally, what we all want is love and/or connection.

All we want to do is give a special person some love.

But that seems to change when people go through hurtful experiences in relationships.

Then they naturally start to learn ideologies precisely designed to be defense mechanisms.

And that, in its very self, works against the essence of a healthy relationship or marriage.

Unrealistic Expectations of Love

The expectations that most people have of love is not so much unrealistic but nonetheless, damaging to committed relationships and marriage.

People, in general, start relationships on love as a feeling rather than as a choice that requires investing in.

I think that’s fair because that almost seems to be the point if we are being honest; it’s love and connection without being forced right?

But with time, it’s only natural for feelings to fade.

And we all take anything that’s readily available for granted after the newness fades.

Most people expect the initial “in-love” experience to continue the way it started and that’s an unrealistic expectation of love from human beings.

That’s When it Becomes Unrealistic Expectations of Others

This gets worse when people say things like

“He/she doesn’t make me happy much longer.”

The reality in most cases is that happiness comes from the inside.

But in the beginning, it is camouflaged as coming from others because you don’t truly know them enough.

You are new to, and fascinated with each other.

Over time, it’s in your best interest and that of the relationship for you to find out deeper reasons why you were attracted to each other outside of momentary feelings.

Then you have to be deliberate and intentional in nurturing it or else, it, also, will fade like every other feelings you will have in life.


Yes. Expectations have to be managed but that’s by all of us.

Self awareness is key in navigating the toxic energy of expectations in relationships and marriages.

What I would say from my experience is that there is room for improvement in more listening when it comes to communication.

To create a healthy relationship and effectively a healthy marriage, don’t take the expectations of your partner too seriously

…beyond useful insights for a better and healthier relationship.

In fact, ultimately you want them to feel free to continue to express those expectations if you want to enjoy your relationships without resentments.

But we all need to manage our expectations when it comes to relationships.

Keep in mind that love only thrives when we love with respect to freedom.

The truth is that everyone comes into relationships with emotional trauma (camouflaged as expectations often times).

So I feel there is probably better value in learning the systems in handling the inevitable crisis in relationships.

There are 100’s and 1,000’s of signals that create what you’ve got today in your relationship…

Blame, guilt and condemnation absolutely won’t work because…

The only thing that you can control is your self-development efforts.

The real enemy of relationships are extreme ideologies which doesn’t allow you to see where you can extend grace when necessary.

I believe that when we start looking at relationships as an opportunity to give as opposed to give and take,

We will create more leadership that will effectively create the love-dance that we all want, admire and desire in marriage-goals.

We all need to work on emotional intelligence.

The brilliance in emotional intelligence is that blame, guilt and condemnation works against it 100% of the time.

We all need to lead by listening…

But personally I believe that if all fails, the person complaining needs to lead.

If that fails, men need to lead simply because of the patriarchal society that most of us still live in.

That’s what I personally believe.

We all have the same 6 basic human needs as copied from Tony Robbins

  1. Certainty
  2. Significance
  3. Variety
  4. Love/Connection
  5. Growth
  6. Contribution

But our history as individuals and groups will absolutely skew how we navigate from the same problems to the same solutions.

Sometimes, the traumas have to be unpacked.

One of the issues with expectations in a relationship is quickness to be defensive often camouflaged as response.

In a relationship, be encouraged to continue to put your focus on recognizing opportunities to give (sometimes educate)...

…rather than the opportunity to take an offense from triggers and trauma.

If you are quick to take things as an attack from your partner, it’s only natural to defend yourself

…and then go down a rabbit hole from there.., potentially trash a relationship you care about and/or divorce.

Are men too stupid to meet women’s expectation?

That’s usually the direction of these conversations when women gather in support groups to talk about this

…without a professional and emotionally intelligent moderator.

I encourage that you consider the possibilities that a man is not stupid and just may have a different goal and objective that you should learn.

Granted, men don’t always communicate with emotional intelligence.

In relationships, some of the most important information you need to give and attract the love you want, desire and deserve are passed non-verbally.

Mismatch of Expectations?

That only exists in 2 scenarios that you can actually manage.

  1. It exists when you don’t manage your expectations with respect to the dynamics that a partner brings into a relationship with you.
  2. It also exists when you don’t give your partner the freedom to express their expectations without taking it personally.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

How do you deal with unrealistic expectations in a relationship?

Give your partner the freedom to express their expectations without taking it personally or holding yourself hostage on delivery of all of the expectation.

What is unrealistic expectation?

Unrealistic expectations are expectations made on a relationship without accounting for the capability of a partner and the dynamics of the nature of human relationships.

What are realistic expectations in a relationship?

Realistic expectations are expectations made on a relationship with regards to the capability of a partner and the dynamics of the nature of human relationships.

What problems can unrealistic expectations cause?

Unrealistic expectations tend to weigh negatively on relationships because most people engaged in relationships evolve with time into expectations of what they get as opposed to how it started which is giving love to a partner.

UNPOPULAR OPINIONS: Jackie Aina vs Dyna Ekwueme | THE FINALE ❤️ Get My Marriage Back SPECIAL

On August 16th, 2016, Popular YouTuber and Influencer Jacki Aina @jackieaina published a video titled “Unpopular Opinions: Marrying Young and Societal Pressures | Jackie Aina”.

In the video, she expressed how she is very happy with the new wave of women who do not feel pressured into the ideal or old ideal of a woman to submits into the pressure of being a 2nd hand in a marriage.

Apparently, she had not so pleasant experience being married in her early 20’s.

Recently in her early 30’s, she just got engaged to be married again.

Another Nigerian popular YouTube Influencer Dyna Ekwueme @dynaekwueme has chosen to take a seemingly polar opposite stand on the issue.

On August 20th 2019, She published a video response or reaction to Jackie Aina’s video titled “UNPOPULAR OPINIONS: MARRIAGE IS NOT FOR JACKIE AINA.”

Inside her video, she expressed reasons for the societal pressure and encouraged young marriage.

She out rightly said married does define women.

She in fact said it can make or break a woman.

Since then, she has received lots of backlash on this issue.

Lola and OLA find it interesting that 2 people with no extensive experience in my marriage have so much opinions about it.

The are both either right or both wrong. Find out in the special edition of GET MY MARRIAGE BACK which one is it.

Enjoy!

P.S This is a conversation. Let’s continue in the comment area.