5 Reasons Why Your Wife Is Not Interested In You Sexually 💔

In this lesson, we are about to dive in through the story of a 28 years old guy

who is married to a 33 years old with a brand new baby and the blue balls syndrome.

Let’s call him Felix.

He writes…

“My wife and I have been together for about 6 years, married for 2 and we have an almost 1 year old child. 

My wife has had a reasonably exciting sexual past, and one thing that really stood out to me…

when we first started dating was how in control and proud of her sexuality she was. 

She was always full of confidence, dressed to impress and was unapologetic about going after anything she wanted, whether that was sexually or just for fun.”

Before I continue into this story, let me introduce myself.

My name is LOLA and I am the co-author of the book

GET MY MARRIAGE BACK 

…with my husband OLA

…which you can download for free at:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

You will also see an opportunity to book a free 30 minutes coaching session with us. 

My name is OLA.

So Felix continues to write…

“Due to our work, we sometimes spend significant periods of time apart. 

But the time apart was filled with dirty messages, photos and videos, and exploring fantasies, toys, lingerie and bondage ideas. 

I would send her over sex toys to use and she would send videos back (she couldn’t buy toys where she was). 

After a while (about 3 years ago), it didn’t just drop off, it stopped completely.”

So here goes the first reason…

Reason #5 – All Good Things Comes To An End

PREVIOUS POST: When to Give Up On Separation 💔 Average Length & Rebuilding Attraction

I know that may sound scary and discouraging when it comes to the prospect of marriage for young men.

But what are we referring to as the “thing” here?  That will be greatly dependent on how much of a man you are.

I want to assure you that it is a good thing when you are aware that good sexual explosive phases as a thing do come to end.

It’s how we are able to separate a good phase from a bad phase so that we can appreciate either of the phases better.

And do everything within our power to consistently seduce our wives.

You have a choice to decide if this particular good sexual explosive phase is coming to an end permanently or temporarily.

Let’s continue to read…

He continues…

“We married almost 2 years ago, and the only decent period of somewhat routine sex since then was when we were trying to have a child. 

Suddenly I was the bad guy when I wasn’t available on a particular evening because that’s when we were most likely to conceive,

completely ignoring the 12 months prior of me desperately trying to initiate some kind of intimacy. 

Priorities and our lives in general have changed a great deal since then, with our beautiful baby now the centre of our lives.

However, I’ve felt more and more like I’m just a passenger along for this ride with my wife and kid.”

Reason #4 – Playing Victim vs Engaging Power

Keep in mind as always that this is not a “right or wrong” thing.  

It is not a joke but it is a game where you have to learn that playing the victim and retaining your power cannot co-exist.

You have your lady who is also nurturing your own brand new baby, and somehow you are a victim?

It’s not sounding right… right?

Your wife can feel that energy and it will only turn her off even more without her deliberately doing that.

I want you to become self aware and clear about that while responding to this crisis. 

Let’s continue to read…

He continues…

“We haven’t had sex properly in over 18 months.

My wife occasionally makes snide remarks at me, when after periods of trying to initiate some kind of intimacy,

I give up and stay up later to have some ‘time to myself.’ 

She makes me feel like a creep in my own house and I just feel like shit, and my anxiety starts to tick up.”

Reason #3 – Giving Up

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By your own words, you give up while attempting to initiate sex.

You can at least agree that there is nothing sexy about giving up and more especially the vibes and energy that accompanies that right?

Instead of giving up and continuing to play the victim,

I want you to leverage this moment of your life and marriage to engage your personal life mission and purpose first.

This may be something about your ambitions, career or some charity work that makes you feel fulfilled as a person.

It will leave you little to no room to keep feeling sorry for yourself while you are simultaneously giving your relationship some breathing room.

Now I want you to keep initiating sex but by practicing 3 steps forward and 2 steps backward.  

There is nothing sexier than a man whose wife feels safe enough to say “not today babe” while still trusting that he will be confident enough to initiate at some point.

That will even leave her some sense of obligation at the back of her mind and she may initiate before the next time you initiate.

If she doesn’t, you’ve decided to make that a non-big deal (engaging and retaining your masculine core and power) and try later.

She will naturally overcompensate for your patience later in the form of hot sex when she is ready to receive you back to back.

In this next lesson, I will reveal how this works in detail…

So be sure to like and subscribe for your best chances of getting notified when that video goes live.

Let’s continue to read…

He continues…

“We’ve tried to slowly reinitiate things, particularly when I’m away for work. 

We’ve tried to send a few exciting spontaneous messages here and there. 

We’ve started using an app where you essentially ‘match’ fetishes or sexual ideas with your partner

(i.e. only notified if they like the same thing as you, it’s pretty cool.) 

At one point, she even bought a new toy while I was away,

and kind of awkwardly apologized that it was a toy just for her and wouldn’t really be all that fun to use together. 

I was stoked and said she never needs to apologise for that! I thought this might’ve been the catalyst we needed. 

Fast forward the entire 2 months we were apart, and she hadn’t used it once.“

Reason #2 – “We” Don’t Seduce

There is so much “we” this and “we” that and it leaves me to wonder,

who is the seducer in this equation if what you want is more sex?

If you compete in feminine energy with your lady, it kills sexual polarity.  

What you are suffering from is partly low libido due to childbirth causing lower attraction in your marriage which is temporary.

This is not abnormal; we’ve been through the same thing.

It’s a process to get out of the limbo but it can be a faster process when you engage your seduction power which starts way before the bedroom.

Seduce more, initiate less and watch better sex come back into your marriage.

Let’s continue to read…

He continues…

“Occasionally we eventually have a really difficult but healthy conversation about our sex life,

and we walk away feeling great for it…but nothing really changes.

For the past 12 months or so, we go through a bit of a regular cycle. 

I try to initiate things at a pretty low level to rekindle a bit of excitement. 

It gets shot down over a period of 2-3 weeks, and my anxiety slowly escalates. 

I ruminate on the past fortnight, and the past 2 years and get frustrated. 

My mood dives, my wife asks what’s wrong, we have a bit of a chat (about all the same old things),

have a bit of intimacy (although, not sex) 

And I feel like she walks away relieved that she’s hit “reset”

and can now hopefully go another 2 or 3 weeks without needing to be intimate with me. 

Reason #1 – You Talk Her Out Of Wanting Sex

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

As you’ve probably realized, the more you talk about this, the less sex you are having.

By now, you are just predictable; the mood patterns and swings are probably predictable AF.

Talking so much in the name of conversations in an attempt to increase intimacy is feminine energy.

When she’s asking you what’s wrong, she wasn’t faking it. 

It’s a way for her to protect your household when it seems like you are falling apart as the masculine core in the relationship.

While that’s very nice of her, it’s killing sexual polarity even further.

So that’s not where you want your lady. 

You want her to be able to count on you even in the midst of this crisis

and that’s part of the process of seducing her back into crazy intimate sessions.

Rejection breeds obsession so you are not abnormal but this is how to rise above the norm

as opposed to using blame, guilt, condemnation and judgment to make matters worse.

To learn even more about rebuilding sexual attraction back into your marriage, check out the featured video on the screen.

My Wife Is Never In The Mood Anymore 💔

In this lesson, you will discover 5 things to do if your wife is just never in the mood for intimacy and sex anymore.

The other day, we got this in the email at questions@LOLAandOLA.com from Jerry.

He said…

“My wife did the ‘I’m not in the mood’ for weeks at a time.  

One day I got tired of it.  

When she asked me to empty the kitchen trash can, (one of my duties normally) I told her…

‘Ya know, I would but I’m just not in the mood.’

Then she said…

That’s silly.  You don’t have to be in the mood in order to take out the garbage.

I responded ‘Yep, and YOU don’t have to be in the mood in order to have sex.

Worked like a charm.”

So as usual, we’ve decided to turn this to a lesson moment for all of us.

My name is LOLA and I am the co-author of the book

GET MY MARRIAGE BACK with my husband OLA

…which you can download for free at

 www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

You will also see an opportunity to book a coaching session with us.

This is OLA.

We review so many of these types of cases and we can bet $100,000 on it that Jerry is a half-truth-teller with that part of the method working like a charm.

These are the 5 things to do immediately before you lose your wife to another man out there.

Thing #5 – Mood is a Symptom

PREVIOUS POST: My Wife Loves Me But Doesn’t Desire Me 💔

The easiest route to go if your wife has not been in the sexiest mood for weeks in a row is to become a victim.

But there is a problem with that.

Playing the victim and retaining power simply don’t go together.

If you don’t want to be the leader in the marriage, it’s absolutely okay to play the victim and throw temper tantrums.

The hardest route is the most rewarding route that will allow you to exit the blueballism zone.

So the first thing you need to do is to realize that her mood is a symptom.

Instead of becoming a small two years old boy like Jerry, I want you to become excited about finding the underlying condition that created the “no mood” symptom

You will be shocked at how easy it is to resolve it.

Not only will you resolve it, you will now possess the key to do it over and over for the rest of your life; highly rewarding.

Thing #4 – She is Wrong But…

I want you to reject that approach because it is going to work against your marriage.

Rights and wrongs are irrelevant in romantic relationships because…

In love and war all is fair.

Think about it.

You have two adults coming together against all odds into a 99.9% chance of hurting each other; though sometimes unintentionally.

If you weren’t married, a trashcan could be sitting there for hours, after it is needed to be disposed-of because you waited for the right mood.

So she was wrong. 

But here is the “but”.  That’s irrelevant.

You are married to your wife as a choice.

So that makes you guilty of the same exact thing you are complaining about if we were to go the “who is wrong” route.

Is she being unfair? 

We can argue that but if your focus is how wrong she is, it’s only natural for you to hold resentment against her.

As you are now realizing, no good is going to come out of that approach.  

So does that make Jerry right?

Thing #3 – You Are Right But…

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But your partner is also right.

At least they have the right to claim that they are right so this is just another toxic argument.

Everything you just learned about “being wrong” as an approach to judging your partner is also applicable to “being right.”

But this is not a race to be right.

This is about your marriage and your wife not being in the mood to make love to you.

Actually, it’s more-so about your inability to get your wife in the mood.

I know it comes off as unfair to expect you to make all the effort in bed but that’s not what I am talking about and remember that all is fair.

What could make a wife come to a husband she wants to make love to and claim “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.”

Does she really want it or not? 

Instead of worrying about your wife not being in the mood, I want you to figure out what happened behind the scenes psychologically without expecting her to be able to tell you.

In the next lesson, you will discover how to reverse “I don’t love you” or “I’m not in love with you anymore” without being a douchebag like Jerry.

For now, here is what I want you to do. 

Stop trying to compete to be “right.”

That’s precisely how to be a loser as a husband.

Don’t get defensive. These things play out very subtly and it doesn’t make you a bad person.

So now that we’ve figured out that this isn’t about “right and wrongs” or “black and white”, what else can Jerry do to get his wife in the mood?

Thing #2 – Seed Nurture Harvest

This is a concept used in agriculture that is absolutely applicable in all romantic relationships; especially in a marriage.

Within the first two years of marriage, everything is exciting and new. That’s easy.

When your wife starts to tell you she is not in the mood, you have two choices.

You can take it as an opportunity to engage in highly rewarding work or suck on your thumbs around the house like Jerry.

I want you to go with the first choice.

Find out how you can make her life easy, and turn it into seeds to nurture. The nurturing has to be consistent and you have to be patient.

Your wife’s mood is not some machine to switch on and off at will.  

You have to be patient and that patience will be tested as well.  Your consistency becomes practice and it gets easier if you are patient.

Thing #1 – Give Her Time

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

Most women will multiply a sense of safety and security back into you as sex and unlimited nurturing.

If she feels heard, you can penetrate everything.

Making sure she feels heard is a whole skill set beyond just listening as a one time event.

Like we’ve said, this is very hard but highly rewarding once you get into the cruise zone.

Give her time to capture your effort and spend that time on self development and improvement.

The Main Lesson

You reap what you sow.  It doesn’t make it your fault but it does give you leverage to turn things around.

But I agree that it will take humility and a longer term outlook than you are used to.

Check out this video on the screen for more information about that.

My Wife Loves Me But Doesn’t Desire Me 💔

You are about to discover what to do if all signals indicate that the wife you married doesn’t desire you anymore even though she claims she loves you.

What a confusion right?

Are women crazy? 

How do you love a husband you don’t desire?

If you’ve asked these questions, it’s little to no wonder.

I also used to hear my husband tell me he loved me but simultaneously,

I felt undesired when he revealed certain behaviors.

To be honest, I didn’t know any better either so I went in the easiest direction. I stacked up resentments.

My name is LOLA and I am the co-author of the book

GET MY MARRIAGE BACK with my husband OLA

…which you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

You will also see an opportunity to book a coaching session with us.

Quick housekeeping…

as soon as we say anything that makes sense to you,

hit that “like” button and subscribe to the channel if you haven’t.

Without any further ado, here is my husband.

This is OLA

I was on the receiving end of those resentments she mentioned earlier and it was not fun as you can probably imagine.

We got married and I flipped my legs on the table and just relaxed like most new husbands.

After all, we are now committed to each other for life. 

PREVIOUS POST: 💔 5 Reasons Your Wife is NOT Affectionate Anymore

What else is there to worry about? So I thought or acted at least.

It’s called complacency and we all do it in one shape, form or the other.  

The truth is that I truly loved my wife and my family even back then but that didn’t stop me from being complacent.

Here is the first thing you should know.

On the other end of being complacent is a person you love who may be feeling undesired by you even if you don’t mean to.

And you know what they say about hurt-people. They hurt people right?

That’s right. But I didn’t plan out how I was going to hurt you back.

It was more-so about two people who entered a whole marriage to wing things along.

I know what you are thinking.

Why didn’t we vet properly and go through premarital counseling?

Not only did we engage in some premarital counseling,

we actually dated and were in a committed relationship for 3 years before we went to the altar.  

Here is what we know today after reviewing, consulting and coaching many people in modern marriages .

People that say “I do” don’t know what they are doing because they couldn’t possibly know.

When you haven’t experienced marriage,

you are in a completely different context and it is what it is.

So when I complained about a few things a few times only to get undesirable responses from my husband,

I continued to feel more unsafe to express myself.

The resentments started to build up naturally.

It is in fact true that unexpressed expectations turn to resentments.

It is paramount that you give your partner freedom to express their expectations and the key is to not take those expectations personally.

In the next video, we discuss how to manage expectations in your marriage because unmanaged expectations are actually worse than unexpressed expectations.

We Got This Comment, 

“My Wife Says She Loves Me But I Don’t Feel it”

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Have you ever felt that way?

After our relationship deteriorated so badly, I was still pretty much oblivious.  

To me it wasn’t that difficult.  I just want my wife to want me and it was weird to me that she didn’t get it.

Before I knew it, I started creating room in my life for the idea of entertaining attention that was being deprived on the sidelines.

We never stopped proclaiming our love for each other verbally but I didn’t feel it. 

As a man, I simply normalized it because I grew up with Uncles who had and exercised options when it comes to women; married or not.

Like most men…

*I thought about sexual attraction.

*I wondered why you avoided intimacy and I couldn’t touch you anymore.

*I resented the audacity of committing and not showing up to our marriage.

So of course over time, the disconnection reflected occasionally in my energy and at one point, my wife verbally gave up on us.

The Main Lesson

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

That rock bottom helped me discover the secret. 

A certain type of love required for all marriages is a choice.

However, desire, affection, and attraction are symptoms of a certain consistent way of showing up in your marriage as a man.

A typical wife has a lot on her plate and simply doesn’t get to decide if they want to desire you or not.

Think about it.

In the beginning of your love affair, your wife desired you without knowing enough about you.

Though it wasn’t controlled, it was an attraction.

So we can agree that desire in a marriage is not some logical decision.

At least, that’s not reality.

But it can absolutely be reverse-engineered especially with the history of desire that used to exist between the two of you. 

We know it can happen again but it’s easier said than done.

With proper support it’s absolutely possible because we are a testimony.

But you will have to engage your power and it’s impossible when you are playing the victim.

Check out the next video on the screen for more information about that.