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“My Wife DISRESPECTS Me” 9 Points Advice for you Especially in Separation… ❤️

In this lesson, I am sharing a 9-point marriage separation advice in order to give you the best chance to attract your spouse back in love with you.

At the bottom of this page, you will find the question that inspired this lesson.

Marriage Separation Advice - My wife disrespects me

(1) Give Yourself Space

It’s most likely that your spouse has asked you for space.

So if that’s the case, it’s very important that you don’t see it as a bad idea because frankly you probably need the space more.

You just can’t see that, because rejection breeds obsession.

Take advantage of the space apart to build a better “you”.

(2) Don’t Overrate Affairs

While your spouse may be distracted by an emotional or physical affair with another person, don’t highlight it.

The affair will never be worth what you have already shared with your spouse

But it is important that you showcase being unbothered by anything or anyone outside of the relationship you have with him or her.

The worst thing you can do is to spend your space apart bickering about affairs; it will only expand and you will push your spouse further away.

(3) It Takes One But…

Insisting that you stay together is not going to help save your marriage as much as attracting your spouse back.

It only takes one person to create attraction but that requires a process and insisting otherwise will interrupt that process of attraction.

Instead, let go as it only takes “you” to build attraction which is the single most important thing that is missing right now.

(4) Don’t Use/Abuse Children

The marriage separation period will come with a lot of temptations

And one of them is trying to inflict emotional abuse and blackmail on your spouse.

Another one is abusing your children as a tool to accomplish that goal.

It always backfires.

The most common one, believe it or not, is not as obvious as you may think.

It happens more in the form of manipulation under the pretense of protecting the child or children.

What you want to do is stay focused on what you want and don’t want

And leave the children out of it even if that’s painful for you emotionally.

Your emotional feelings are temporary.

The only exception to this, is physical abuse of the children; in that case, it would be non-negotiable to get the children removed from harm’s way.

(5) After 3 Months, You are Free

It’s not advisable to engage in transgressions with other people during separation but we are all humans.

Technically, you are free to move on after 3 months of lack of sexual relationship when it is not medically related in my personal opinion.

But also in my personal opinion, the most profitable and worthwhile thing to work on in this period is self growth.

If you don’t, transgression and the lifestyle that comes with it can destroy everything you care about.

It can be even worse when it’s done in retaliation.

If you decide to move on, seek legal counsel to avoid exposing you and/or your children to unfavorable legal loopholes.

(6) More Actions/Less Talking

That should be pretty clear but be careful not to confuse certain inaction with emotional centered-ness.

For example, don’t abandon your children and/or your normal responsibilities in the name of less talking.

That would be irresponsible and such behavior will continue to lower your spouse’s attraction towards you.

Just keep in mind that changed behavior is the best apology.

So for the most part, verbal apology will work against you because of the expectation for instant results.

Stay away from arguments, approval seeking behaviors and focus on building your self during this period.

(7) You Allow Disrespect

If there are any type of disrespect and/or disregard from your spouse during your separation, ask yourself first,

“How did I put myself in that position?”

“How did I allow that”?

You need to take the time to extract the answer to that question as it will help with clarity as you move into the new phase of your marriage.

The bottom-line and the result of this exercise should be that no one should be taking anyone for granted again.

When you take yourself for granted, your spouse will see it as a permission to take you for granted if they are weak like most people.

(8) Never Bribe for Sex

Don’t manipulate with whatever you do for your spouse, children and family at this time as a bribe for sex.

It will work against your desire.

Do it if you find it honorable to do and you don’t have to if you don’t feel like it.

The worst thing you can do is do it and then blame them for not reciprocating.

(9) Work on Yourself

That should be self explanatory.

Use the marriage separation period to build yourself and attract the love and affection that you deserve.

It’s simple but I agree…

It’s easier said than done.

Below is a question for us to address with this lesson…

“ I really enjoy your content on IG: @LOLAandOLA and I need to ask you a question.

In April 2017, my wife said she wanted space for 2 weeks because we were not in a good place and she was distracted by an affair at the time.

Initially, I objected and wanted us to get a fresh new start.

She did not return and recently found out she is in a full blown now having sexually intimate moments with her partner on the same bed as my 6 years old daughter who told me she’s uncomfortable.

As a christian, am I totally free without guilt to remarry even though we are not officially divorced.

I’m not going to crawl and beg her.

I did all I could to fight and save the marriage. But it’s clearly not working out.

She finds joy in disrespecting me and talking to me anyhow, rudely and distastefully.

Mind you, I am financially okay and earn 8-figures per annum.

I still give her monthly up-keep, 120K per month, for my daughters, excluding fees, clothing… until 2019 January when I stopped for many reasons.”

Enjoy the video.

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Sexless Marriage ❤️ Does my Marriage Still Have a Chance⁉️

A Sexless marriage is a terrible experience for anyone to be going through; feeling unwanted, helpless, undeserving, and just hopeless.

But just like every other aspect of life, what doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger.

But with some knowledge and emotional wisdom as ammunition, you will become unstoppable…

So allow me to share some information to help you.

You can reverse that reality in your marriage especially if it’s emotionally driven.

Sexless Marriage and the Downsides.

If your Sexless Marriage is due to medical issues, seek the help of a medical professional.

Sex is the one thing that makes your marriage different from other types of relationship so you shouldn’t have to be stuck in the lack it.

So if you either feel that:

  1. Your Spouse Rejects sex with you all the time.
  2. Your Spouse Does not initiate sex enough with you OR….
  3. OR You are no longer sexually attracted to your spouse.

Essentially, nothing is broken with the 2 of you physically but the vibe is just never right for one or both of you;

It’s mental and I got you and you are not alone… but you need to act.

What percentage of sexless marriages end in divorce?

Studies show that 20% of marriage are sexless and you probably already know that 50% of all marriage unions end in divorce.

If I were you, I would be more scared of staying in an unhappy marriage than divorce itself; but anyway, you are not alone.

How long do sexless marriages last?

A sexless marriages can last forever.

That’s especially true when there are kids involved but more importantly,

You should consider your marriage sexless if you have not had sex in 3 months or more.

“Lack of sex” should be addressed at the 2 weeks mark if there are no visible, clear or medical reason.

Can a sexless marriage survive?

A sexless marriage can definitely survive but that doesn’t mean it’s the best way to live a quality life.

The real question is if you can reverse a sexless marriage and the answer is yes; especially if you have a good history of intimacy.

All you need is at least “one of you” to initiate that dance and with patience, your spouse will respond.

Sure it takes 2 to tango but there is a need for just one leader who wants to take the charge and follow these 4 steps.

  1. Look in the mirror.
  2. Focus on changed behavior (even if you had not offended your spouse, switching a few predictable behaviors up will make them wonder and increase attraction.)
  3. Look out for rekindling signs.
  4. Respond when you see signs.

Become a student of seduction; Seduction is not just sexual.

If you are the one who is not sexually attracted to your spouse,

That’s a symptom of underlying issues…

That is to say you should focus on fixing that.

So maybe there are behaviors that your spouse puts on that turns you off;

In that case, you can learn how to seduce your spouse to the way you desire him or her to behave.

For example, if she doesn’t clean after herself, your knee jerk reaction is to complain about it.

Instead of being predictable, you can actually seductively request that she cleans.

And when she does clean once in a while, tell her how sexy she looked while cleaning.

Use Reverse Psychology to Reverse Your Sexless Marriage

Here is the point, use seduction to highlight when your spouse does what you like and you will naturally get more of such moments.

If you are not having enough sex, seductively highlight when you do have sex

And refrain away from complaining when there is no sex for extended period of time.

What you focus on expands; negative or positive.

What happens in a marriage without intimacy?

There is a risk of at least one person wanting more intimacy

And that increases the chances of infidelity and just a bad lifestyle that comes with multiple sexual partners.

If you are experiencing this, you should be concerned even if you are the less affectionate partner.

It’s even worse if you have kids because you will teach them these bad behaviors; maybe unintentionally.

Click Here to Take the 2 Minutes Sexless Marriage Quiz

Below is a question for us to address with this lesson…

My Wife and I are in separation.

But we don’t sleep in the same room anymore.

Tried talking to her but she wants nothing to do with me anymore.

I messed up because I was insecure.

And I tried to talk to her and told her that I have changed.

Still no luck; does my marriage still have a chance.”

Enjoy the video.

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3 Things You MUST Learn from Couples Counseling

In this lesson, you will discover 3 things you must be determined to figure out if and when you go to a couples’ counseling.

Here are is a whole article on marriage specific counseling and how to get the most help from it… if you need it all.

Before I dive into that, here is a quick tip for you especially if you are in a marriage.

Anytime, your significant other has for you to go to a couples counseling session,

Recognize that instantly as an amazing opportunity to learn something new.

That’s not really a moment to get defensive and be asking why you all need it.

If you do that, recognize the defensive as the first reason why you need a couples’ counseling.

Now, people tend to waste money and time at a counseling session because of lack of preparation.

Therefore write these 3 things down to ask the counselor to help you figure out.

(1) The 1st thing to learn from Couples Counseling is Emotion Control

You will need this particularly with respect to the uniqueness of your relationship.

So the counselor may need to hear you and your concerns out first and then…

Specifically ask for help with emotional control. It will make your investment worthwhile.

Couples counseling - Success Rate?

(2) Betrayal Recovery

If you are sure that your significant other loves you, it’s worth fighting for it if you have the urge.

But the worst you can do is stay in a relationship and unknowingly be abusing each other emotionally.

Ask for tools specifically for betrayal recovery so that you can heal properly.

It will also work for infidelity and any trust-related issues.

(3) Risk Benefit Analysis

If you’ve invested significant time in the relationship and you are not sure if your partner loves you in a healthy way,

Ask your counselor to outline the risk and benefits of staying and leaving the relationship.

That way, you can know your choices properly and make a proper decision.
YOU have to be the one to decide; no one can do that for you.

If these 3 is all you get out of the couples’ counseling session, you will come with significant growth…

Both as an individual and for the relationship which doesn’t have to be staying together by the way.

Below is a question for us to address Lessons from Counseling …

“My husband and I have been married for 16 years now.

He is my best friend and I am more than sure he still loves me.

But he betrayed me. Please help.

I don’t want to leave him but I feel I have no other choice.

Several years ago, he was unfaithful prior to our marriage.

Although he made a solid promise in the eyes of God never to fail me again.
He did.

The infidelity isn’t the only thing that’s jeopardizing our marriage…

At this point, I don’t recognize him any more and I am ready to file for divorce.

I feel like if I stay, I will break the promise that I made to myself when I forgave him the first time.

Basically, I feel like he will fail me again.

I don’t know what to do & breaking apart.

I am willing to leave a man I am completely devoted to and in love with.”

Enjoy the video.

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You may like this article… “Wife is texting another guy and hiding it”

Marriage Counselor ⁉️ Want to Save the Marriage ❤️ He is NOT Ready

A marriage counselor is professional, sometimes licensed, to ensure fruitful communication between a married couple.

Their job is not to decide for either of the two.

What’s the Success Rate for those who used the services of a Marriage Counselor?

Roughly 50% of distressed couples will have an improved, more satisfying marriage for 4+ years after counseling.

HusbandHelpHaven.com

But according to Psychologytoday.com, the success rate is now roughly around 75% for counselors who use Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT).

That’s good news because it means you can have thriving marriage just working as a team on emotional control.

Therefore as a platform here for you, we focus on the emotions of marriage and relationships.

Success Rate of Help Marriage Counselor

A marriage counselor can help with infidelity, infidelity recovery and trust issues if the session is not blame, guilt and fault focused.

Go there to figure out why it happened from a psychological standpoint and see if it’s possible to avoid it in the future.

WARNING! This is easier said than done because we are humans and naturally seek to blame something or someone for misfortunes.

Even people find themselves blaming God.

“What is infidelity in a marriage and why does it happen outside of the fact that it is not your fault?”

That is a question you need to get a marriage counselor to help you find answers to with respect to your particular relationship.

Well… As I just said, it is not your fault even if you are the offender; it’s not about faults, guilt and blame.

Let me explain…

Don’t get me wrong.

A Marriage Counselor May Help with In-Depth Understand of this…

A choice was made and the transgressor will help haling and recovery faster if he or she owns responsibility.

But there is a difference between taking responsibility and leaving in guilt and playing blame games.

A marriage is something that we all say “I do” to when we clearly don’t know what we are doing.

That’s the #1 reason why you may have found yourself in a mess…

In spite of the fact that at least one of you two feels like you or he/she loves the other.

Below is a question for us to address with this lesson…

“I have done all the mistakes because my husband just stopped taking my calls.

Everyone in the family called and tried to talk to him.

We are separated for just a year and the husband just doesn’t want to meet.

And we have no common platforms to work this marriage out.

He is not ready to sit.

I have no other option than to file a complaint and sit and tell…

What does he want?

I still want to save the marriage but he is not ready.

So I even agreed to let go of him with mutual divorce.

But he doesn’t want that even.

Don’t know what’s on his mind. I’m so stuck.”

Enjoy the video.

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You may also like “How to Fix a Broken Marriage”

What is Infidelity ❤️ Does it Make Marriage a Mistake⁉️

What is infidelity? In a marriage…

When one party engages in intimate relationships with a person outside of the marriage.

Some call it cheating… some call it an affair, and others call it Infidelity.

Study shows some statistics below… How common is infidelity?

  • 20% of men reported that they cheated sexually
  • 13% of women reported that they cheated sexually
  • 16% of ALL ADULTS reported that they cheated sexually

But under age 30, the numbers are different.

  • 10% of men under 30 reported that they cheated sexually
  • 11% of women under 30 reported that they cheated sexually

General Social Survey 2010–2016 by the National Opinion Research Council – University of Chicago

via PsychologyToday.com

Keep in mind that these are just the reported; a whole lot more will take that secret to their graves.

What is Infidelity in a Marriage? DEADLY

But what I can tell you is that betrayal is human characteristic…

And you should have proper expectations of humans when you marry one.

It is important to NOT lead into marriage with

….the daily fear of cheating, affairs, or infidelity.

That won’t help you.

This is one of those aspects of a marriage where you need God or whatever helps you maintain divine peace.

In addition, an affair can either be physical or emotional; and off course it can be a hybrid of both.

Whether infidelity represents the end of or deal breaker in a marriage is not a rule anywhere.

It completely depends on the parties and the uniqueness of their relationship and the underlying friendship.

Below is a question for us to address matters of infidelity in a marriage once and for all…

“I need to stop being negative and nagging.

I need to learn to listen to him and respect him.

He’s talking about this marriage might be a mistake; I need lots of prayer.”

Just keep in mind that respect, trust and submission are earned.

Enjoy the video.

Get My Marriage Back | Paperback/Kindlebook | FREE Audiobook


Before we dive into more details about infidelity…

Let’s answer the question as it will help with fundamentals.

In order to survive a crisis in any type of relationships

(especially a marriage), you can’t afford to undermine the power of an overall positive attitude.

Therefore if you are dealing with a negative and/or shutdown spouse, it will take a tremendous emotional energy to maintain your cool.

As I said earlier, respect is earned.

Just as trust and submission, all these actions are driven in a marriage as effects and not a cause.

Sure you can deliberately initiate them.

But it will eventually drain you emotionally if you are not aware of the underlying attraction level that initially brought you and you spouse together.

That is to say, if you are not presently attracted to your husband, it won’t last much long if you force yourself to respect him.

So in the long run, you need to address the cause of the low attraction level.

You have to also respect and love yourself enough to attract the type of love you deserve from your spouse.

It is natural for couples to go through this over time as complacency kicks in.

So I am saying that it is natural to take each other for granted over-time.

Is your marriage a mistake?

There is no relationship that is a mistake and here is why.

Every relationship you engage in your life must be regarded as an opportunity to grow.

It’s part of the interpretations you must add to your efforts of positive attitude.

Because that energy will drive a lot more other actions that will drive your spouse to do right by you.

Subsequently, it will propagate energy that will attract the types of relationship and may be another marriage that will serve you.

Can we agree that the marriage you have right now is bad especially if infidelity is involved?

Therefore it’s time to build a brand-new marriage with or without the same and present spouse.

That attitude gives you your best chance of attracting your present spouse to do right by you if that’s in fact what you want.

Effectively, if you lead with the attitude that it “MUST” be the same spouse,

Your desperate energy will push him or her away further.

Sure we all need prayer.

The scripture says….

“Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.”

James 2:17 New King James Version (NKJV)

The Real Meaning of Infidelity

The truth of the matter is that infidelity is involved whenever a promise is broken in your marriage.

It doesn’t have to be sexual in nature.

Therefore, any type of promise that was made in your vows no matter how little is seems will result in infidelity.

What is the difference between infidelity and adultery?

Adultery is more specific of a way to describe sexual related betrayal in a marriage.

But it’s an effect.

In order to fix adultery as one of the many types of infidelity, we have to go deeper into causes; Root Cause Analysis.

Of course it’s easier to point the most fingers at the person who engaged sexually with another outside of the marriage.

Most of the infidelity that happens in marriages has nothing to do with sexual behaviors.

However all of the different types of infidelities create resentments and complacency over-time.

For example, if you promised to be there for richer or poorer…

But then catch attitude last week because he was broke financially, that’s a form of infidelity.

In addition, catching negative attitude in the midst of any crisis does not solve it; it expands the emotional effect of it.

So, you’d agree that marriage has probably been infected with infidelity and needs work right?

I am by no means telling you that cheating or having an affair outside of the marriage is any easier to deal with.

All I am saying is that those types tend to be the most obvious to judge people with.

It’s very important that you use that to adjust your perspective in order to attract the love and marriage that you deserve.

Judgment, guilt, and blame will harm you, your relationships and especially any children involved.

Therefore you have to rise above the obvious emotions such anger, resentments, rage that you will naturally feel…

If you are on the receiving end of an infidelity.

That’s going to take work, but it’s doable and it’s your best shot at attracting happiness again.

So should you Stay in the Marriage After Infidelity?

It depends on your particular relationship.

If it’s taking you more than 3 months to at least forgive, you probably should consider separation first.

Because it’s not helpful for any of the parties for the other to live in mystery.

Time apart may just be what you need to appreciate life, the marriage or both again.

That same time apart may help a perpetual adulterer make a decision to nurture what they value…

And have clarity of where he or she belongs (with you or someone else).

Having out in that dark spot for longer than 3 month tends to create more and more emotional damage in you, your spouse and even any children that may be involved.

But marriage is usually not easy to just throw away.

If it was easy, you probably would not have that question.

Ask yourself this question however…

Are you running from your problems obviously entangled up in infidelity right now?

As I have said, the problem is deeper than the effects

Of which some of them are cheating, affairs and infidelity.

Minimum of 50% of this (though not your fault) is your problem.

So if your quick solution is to leave the marriage, you will effectively take 50% of the problem with you.

Hence why 76% of marriages to divorces ends in about 2 years according to many studies.

It will help you ensure that you work on yourself before concluding that leaving is the solution.


How to Practically Rebuild Trust Even After Infidelity

When you first met your spouse, it was natural to trust because attractions high.

It’s easy to be in love and trust a person that you truly don’t know.

The reality is that you couldn’t possible love them though.

That trust was fake in essence.

Now that you are dealing with the after effects and emotions from infidelity, the real work is needed.

Anything that’s worthwhile in life will take work.

It was never practical to trust another human at the level that we do in a marriage.

That’s why I always say, people that say ‘I do’ don’t know what they are doing.

It doesn’t even matter how much pre-marital counseling you have before, you simply couldn’t comprehend what you were about to do.

So I get it

Trust can be hard to rebuild once it has been breached by a spouse but it’s do able.

But, I have to tell.

Holding your marriage and specially your happiness hostage because of trust issues will not help you.

Here are some scriptures that warned you about trust and its application to infidelity recovery…

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.

Psalm 118:8 ESV

Thus says the Lord: “Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord.

Jeremiah 17:5 ESV

You are not even supposed to trust yourself; much less another person.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV

Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.

Proverbs 28:26 ESV

Listen…

It’s natural for you to feel hurt and wallow in the mystery of it for a while.

But it’s time for you to realize that you deserve happiness and take the bulls by the horn.

How?

Leave all your trust issues in the hands of God and start living.

That’s easier said than done but hearing it or reading it from me might as well be the first step in the right direction.

Infidelity can be emotional and even more painful.

Is an adulterer always an adulterer?

You’ve heard the saying, “once a cheater always a cheater.”

That’s absolutely an impossible lie.

It’s a lie that can hold you hostage even long after your spouse has repented due to…

A larger purpose than the seduction and excitement they may have derived from their past transgression.

Here is a quick 2 step-solution to that.

  1. Do the work that will attract him or her to re-commit back into a brand-new marriage with you.
  2. Let go and forgive yourself for attracting the old marriage.
  3. Enjoy your new marriage one day at a time.

As you can see, none of the step has anything to do with putting the focus on fixing your spouse.

The work must be done from the inside to attract what you want on the outside.

What is the main reason for infidelity?

Of course in the long term, loyalty will benefit and create joy as opposed to short-term excitement.

But People cheat mainly for a lack of a larger purpose than the pleasure and excitement of secrecy.

It’s a choice but it’s also a choice that most humans are never too holy to make.

Most people just need the right circumstances to align to find themselves choosing pleasure over loyalty in the short term.

10+ Causes of Infidelity

Circumstances can include but not limited to:

  1. Not receiving enough attention from the significant other,
  2. Inappropriate engagement with friendly acquaintances,
  3. Low self esteem
  4. Immaturity
  5. Background and childhood trauma
  6. Belief system
  7. Low attraction
  8. Unmatched libido level
  9. Retaliation for past transgression

(10) 12…Principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Ephesians 6:12, King James Version

But it’s never your fault when your significant other makes a choice to have an affair.

However you may have helped create one of the circumstances that align the opportunity for short-term human excitement.

They could have also chosen to rise above.

But judgment, blame, and guilt or self-guilt won’t help.

It’s time to understand “WHY” at a deeper level and attract an infidelity free brand new marriage.

The best chances of a lifetime joy is with a repented spouse because you are now both equipped with knowledge

Which becomes power when you both apply to a daily loving marriage for the rest of your lives.

Treat it on a daily basis…

Because obsession with the past and tomorrow will drown your relationships and especially your marriage.

Marriage counseling can help a great deal with communication skills… but check out the success statistics of marriage counseling here

If friendship with an opposite sex that you are personally friends with, an ex or a blast from the past is involved,

Respect yourself by allowing your spouse to go and sort that out before starting your brand-new marriage with them.

No one with healthily give you what you can’t give yourself.

Therefore if you can’t love and respect yourself, your spouse can’t love and respect you.

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