In this lesson, you will discover 5 things to do if your wife is just never in the mood for intimacy and sex anymore.
The other day, we got this in the email at questions@LOLAandOLA.com from Jerry.
“My wife did the ‘I’m not in the mood’ for weeks at a time.
One day I got tired of it.
When she asked me to empty the kitchen trash can, (one of my duties normally) I told her…
‘Ya know, I would but I’m just not in the mood.’
Then she said…
That’s silly. You don’t have to be in the mood in order to take out the garbage.
I responded ‘Yep, and YOU don’t have to be in the mood in order to have sex.
Worked like a charm.”
So as usual, we’ve decided to turn this to a lesson moment for all of us.
My name is LOLA and I am the co-author of the book
GET MY MARRIAGE BACK with my husband OLA
…which you can download for free at
You will also see an opportunity to book a coaching session with us.
This is OLA.
We review so many of these types of cases and we can bet $100,000 on it that Jerry is a half-truth-teller with that part of the method working like a charm.
These are the 5 things to do immediately before you lose your wife to another man out there.
Thing #5 – Mood is a Symptom
PREVIOUS POST: My Wife Loves Me But Doesn’t Desire Me 💔
The easiest route to go if your wife has not been in the sexiest mood for weeks in a row is to become a victim.
But there is a problem with that.
Playing the victim and retaining power simply don’t go together.
If you don’t want to be the leader in the marriage, it’s absolutely okay to play the victim and throw temper tantrums.
The hardest route is the most rewarding route that will allow you to exit the blueballism zone.
So the first thing you need to do is to realize that her mood is a symptom.
Instead of becoming a small two years old boy like Jerry, I want you to become excited about finding the underlying condition that created the “no mood” symptom
You will be shocked at how easy it is to resolve it.
Not only will you resolve it, you will now possess the key to do it over and over for the rest of your life; highly rewarding.
Thing #4 – She is Wrong But…
I want you to reject that approach because it is going to work against your marriage.
Rights and wrongs are irrelevant in romantic relationships because…
In love and war all is fair.
Think about it.
You have two adults coming together against all odds into a 99.9% chance of hurting each other; though sometimes unintentionally.
If you weren’t married, a trashcan could be sitting there for hours, after it is needed to be disposed-of because you waited for the right mood.
So she was wrong.
But here is the “but”. That’s irrelevant.
You are married to your wife as a choice.
So that makes you guilty of the same exact thing you are complaining about if we were to go the “who is wrong” route.
Is she being unfair?
We can argue that but if your focus is how wrong she is, it’s only natural for you to hold resentment against her.
As you are now realizing, no good is going to come out of that approach.
So does that make Jerry right?
Thing #3 – You Are Right But…
But your partner is also right.
At least they have the right to claim that they are right so this is just another toxic argument.
Everything you just learned about “being wrong” as an approach to judging your partner is also applicable to “being right.”
But this is not a race to be right.
This is about your marriage and your wife not being in the mood to make love to you.
Actually, it’s more-so about your inability to get your wife in the mood.
I know it comes off as unfair to expect you to make all the effort in bed but that’s not what I am talking about and remember that all is fair.
What could make a wife come to a husband she wants to make love to and claim “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.”
Does she really want it or not?
Instead of worrying about your wife not being in the mood, I want you to figure out what happened behind the scenes psychologically without expecting her to be able to tell you.
In the next lesson, you will discover how to reverse “I don’t love you” or “I’m not in love with you anymore” without being a douchebag like Jerry.
For now, here is what I want you to do.
Stop trying to compete to be “right.”
That’s precisely how to be a loser as a husband.
Don’t get defensive. These things play out very subtly and it doesn’t make you a bad person.
So now that we’ve figured out that this isn’t about “right and wrongs” or “black and white”, what else can Jerry do to get his wife in the mood?
Thing #2 – Seed Nurture Harvest
This is a concept used in agriculture that is absolutely applicable in all romantic relationships; especially in a marriage.
Within the first two years of marriage, everything is exciting and new. That’s easy.
When your wife starts to tell you she is not in the mood, you have two choices.
You can take it as an opportunity to engage in highly rewarding work or suck on your thumbs around the house like Jerry.
I want you to go with the first choice.
Find out how you can make her life easy, and turn it into seeds to nurture. The nurturing has to be consistent and you have to be patient.
Your wife’s mood is not some machine to switch on and off at will.
You have to be patient and that patience will be tested as well. Your consistency becomes practice and it gets easier if you are patient.
Thing #1 – Give Her Time
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Most women will multiply a sense of safety and security back into you as sex and unlimited nurturing.
If she feels heard, you can penetrate everything.
Making sure she feels heard is a whole skill set beyond just listening as a one time event.
Like we’ve said, this is very hard but highly rewarding once you get into the cruise zone.
Give her time to capture your effort and spend that time on self development and improvement.
The Main Lesson
You reap what you sow. It doesn’t make it your fault but it does give you leverage to turn things around.
But I agree that it will take humility and a longer term outlook than you are used to.
Check out this video on the screen for more information about that.