In this lesson, we want to talk about when or what is the average length of separation
before reconciliation and how to rebuild attraction during separation.
While there are studies that show an average of 2 years in this zone, there is more to this.
We are also leveraging the story of a guy’s submission of how his wife wants to pursue separation even though he is willing to die to avoid this.
My wife wants to pursue a separation.
My wife and I got married in May 2019 (a little over 2 years) and we’ve been together for five years.
My in-laws (whom) I have a very good relationship with)
renovated their basement to an apartment for us so we can save on rent
and so my wife can have emotional support since Covid lockdowns forced her to work from home and be isolated.
Prior to moving to her parent’s basement, we had an incident last December 2020
where our separate issues during the lockdown basically just erupted.
Her’s is the loss of purpose (as her job changed drastically), the isolation, and just overall anxiety.
With me, I’m a frontline retail worker, had the option to be furloughed,
but decided to work anyways for job security to make sure we meet rent and other basic necessities.
I thought I was doing better than her since I can still function at work but in reality,
I’ve been super stressed and scared of getting sick everyday that made me emotionally shut-off without me even noticing.
I started doing therapy to make sure I can be a better husband for her cause I don’t want us to have the same problems again.
We then moved to her parent’s basement around a couple of months ago
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even though it’s a longer commute for me to work (1.5 to 2 hours),
I didn’t mind because I know it’s what’s best for her.
We haven’t been fighting a lot lately so I thought we were fine, and if we do,
it’s just usually about the same thing so in a way it gave me comfort to know that we don’t have a lot of problems.
The theme of the fight is about me asking for her time and attention
since she’s been focusing more on her online female empowerment group
(which I’m not against and am actually very supportive of) and her other online friends (that I’m also not against).
She found support from them especially since months before the December incident happened
but now I feel like she spends more time with them than me even though I’m now more open to be there for her.
Fast forward to last week, I came home and she left me a note saying she loves me
but she can’t be my wife anymore.. and that she wants to pursue a separation.
We had a fight the night before about the same issue but I also acknowledged that it’s just me being anxious and I really just miss her.
She took her clothes and moved most of her personal stuff upstairs to her parent’s.
I felt like I didn’t have a choice but to move out and go to my parent’s.
We still talk sometimes through texts and she told me
she’s been having the same issues for 10 months now and that totally caught me off guard.
I’m willing to do anything for her.
To make her happy.
To make sure she’s ok.
And that includes me working on myself more.
It sucks that I still can’t quite understand why we have to be apart and honestly,
I’m scared of the future cause I really don’t want to lose her.
She told me she doesn’t have any plans beyond healing but I’m not really sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
I feel like I’m going crazy because I thought I was doing my best to show her that I care and love her but for some reason,
she decided that this is what we need.
My name is LOLA and I am the co-author of the book
GET MY MARRIAGE BACK
…with my husband OLA
…which you can download for free at:
You will also see an opportunity to book a coaching session with us.
This is OLA… Let’s Get Into The Response
I am so sorry to read what you are going through.
Now let’s talk about navigating your life (most importantly) out of this funk.
This is a very good time (a rock bottom) to build a better and stronger foundation for your love life.
5 years is a long time enough to have some positive memories
she can reflect on provided you give her that space and time she asked for.
Trust me, you need that space more for yourself because the attraction (or maybe obsession) you are feeling right now is a direct effect of rejection.
A woman that doesn’t respect you cannot love you… that’s just how a typical woman is.
Never mind what she said at the altar.
They reciprocate love as respect, trust and submission.
Your in-laws’ basement probably did not help to create room for her to respect you or your union.
And the fact that she needed this additional emotional support was probably a good signal…
that she couldn’t trust and submit to your union as well.
So that would represent wrong timing to be needy with her for you to maintain your emotional stability.
Don’t feel bad; it’s not your fault.
In the next lesson, we will talk more about what emotional stability displays as in reality.
So be sure to like and subscribe for your best chances of getting notified when that video goes live.
Let me give you some game.
Please avoid receiving this as judgment.
The world actually doesn’t care unfortunately.
Instead of you moving in with her (which tells me you probably became a pushover),
you were probably better off allowing her to go spend some time with her family.
As a man, you should always maintain a certain level of core assurance, and plan for your own life; something for a woman to follow.
If she’s not comfortable following your lead, she probably doesn’t belong with you at least for now.
So there were a lot of things you said that were signals that she didn’t get into this space overnight.
Therefore if you are patient and self-sustainable,
she probably will have a hard time letting go of you with a flip of a switch.
But she will turn you off permanently from her life if you keep up with the “needy” behavior (asking for her time and attention).
Women are like cats.
You have to let them go and come as they please especially in the modern age if you’ve chosen to be with a modern woman
You have to have faith that the streets don’t love anybody like that and she will come back if she belongs there… if you chose to want her.
Her family and online female empowerment group cannot love her romantically.
But she may not know that until she tests it out and then willingly comes back to submit to your mission if you are still available.
From the look of things, it seems that she felt smothered for a while even though that wasn’t your intention.
In romantic relationships, intentions are overrated and “trust in good intentions” alone is causing many people pain; unrealistic expectations.
How your love expression is received is a big part of the total outcome.
You were oblivious, became complacent and I want you to know that it happens to the best of us.
Let her go!
Give her space and time and be generous with it.
After consistent 90 days and simultaneously working on yourself,
if she hasn’t reached out, consider the marriage to be over and try to be okay with that.
It doesn’t mean you can get back together but it increases the chances of that happening.
Start seeing and hanging out with other people responsibly…
it’s good for your self esteem which is attractive to a typical woman.
By being okay with that, you will dramatically increase the chance that it is not over…
but don’t hold your breath.
She checked out.
She needs to earn you back.
Don’t sell yourself so cheap.
Your love life may not be a joke but it’s a game you should learn how to play so you don’t get played ever again.
It’s an attraction issue.
It is not a right and wrong issue.
Stop apologizing for loving her.
If she doesn’t want it, she doesn’t deserve it.
Make it nothing against or about her but everything for your self respect.
Most men get caught off guard.
That’s why you are the man. Don’t try to compete with her at any level.
You were busy being a man. Make it okay for her to be a woman even in these trying times.
The easiest route is to point fingers at her especially with the help of outsiders who do not have the emotional intelligence.
“Babe. Take your time.
Let me know when you change your mind and want to work on it.”
If you get angry with her, that resentment will lead to you self-destructing.
You have options that you can start exercising if necessary in 90 days … responsibly.
When you are willing to do anything for someone who doesn’t want you,
it’s needy behavior because that’s how she is receiving it.
The brain works backwards against common sense.
It will only push her further away from you.
You can’t make her happy and she can’t make you happy.
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Learn how to make yourself happy and allow her to choose to be attracted to that in time if you are still available.
Because remember you have options, at least half-a-billion other beautiful ladies who will happily enjoy attention from you (a.k.a attention for you).
Like a typical woman, she can smell that you are scared of the future without her and that’s scaring the crap out of her directly.
She is not abnormal.
She is a typical woman.
It’s too much weight for her to carry.
If you love and want her, you have to be okay with that.
You have to love her in a way that she feels free and that attracts her
or the right love to you beyond what you want.
If she doesn’t have a plan of permanently moving on,
that’s the feminine energy crying out for a masculine energy to fit right into.
Leaving her alone is the masculine energy she is probably not used to…
making it okay for her not to be sure of herself.
When you combine that with the good memories you have hopefully had with her in the past years, she would never find anything better in the streets.
And whoever finds you after learning such a skill will be a very lucky woman.
It’s a win-win for you regardless.
Believe what she has decided now and leverage it for massive greatness.
To learn even more about how to rebuild attraction in separation, check out the featured video on the screen.