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In this lesson, you will discover 5 secrets to staying together after cheating; a terrible experience created out of a bad choice.
So about 10 months ago, Racheal sent in an email describing the pain she was still going through years after she was cheated on by her husband.
She said she finds it very hard to forget. She wondered.
But her husband made the wrong choice, why should she be obligated to make the right choice now? She asked.
There are so many reasons why married people cheat.
According to a study done by Austin Institute, infidelity was found to be a major cause for 37% of divorces in the United states.
But another survey showed that 16% of marriages survive after a marriage; translation – 16% are staying together after cheating in their marriage.
Even though Infidelity is not easy to heal from because it causes emotional intense pain, staying together after cheating is possible if you want to do the work.
So we want to share these 5 secrets to staying together after cheating or an affair with you to help you navigate a difficult time.
My name is LOLA and I am the co-author of the book
GET MY MARRIAGE BACK with my husband OLA
…which you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com
This is OLA…
Secret #1 of Staying Together After Cheating – Remorse
Theo claimed he cheated on Abby because she refused him sex a couple of times; this is a terrible way of trying to stay together after cheating.
If you are approaching your efforts to stay together after cheating this way, just like Abby, your spouse will get more angry and potentially leave the marriage.
Pointing fingers in any direction including towards yourself will drive your spouse further away from the marriage .
The cheater needs to show remorse. It really doesn’t matter how it happened.
Though made from a place of weakness, selfishness and not necessarily wickedness, cheating is a choice; a bad choice.
Making a bad choice and being a bad person are 2 different things.
Accountability and acknowledgement will show your spouse that you are not proud of your bad choice and it’s a good sign that you are ready to work on the relationship.
So what if I’ve tried to show remorse, but she keeps bringing it up?
Secret #2 – Patience
So we had the case of Sean and Sade… right? When he cheated on Sade, he felt really terrible when she found out.
Sean apologized to her and they decided on staying together after cheating and moving on with their relationship.
Although Sade claimed to have accepted his apology, she had a hard time with healing properly and it showed everytime Sean wanted some intimacy.
She would cringe and burst out in tears because of mixed feelings of anger, disappointment,embarrassment and anxiety.
Many times this led to Sean losing his temper out of frustration of mixed messages from Sade.
“You claimed you have forgiven me. So what is the problem?” Sean yelled.
The cheater needs to learn the art of giving infinite patience. This can only be achieved by giving without expectation.
In fact, It’s the only way to attract the love of your life back; infinite patience.
Patience is one thing the older married couples say helped them in building a lifelong healthy relationship and marriage.
It will help you become a better person in your society and your home. It’s a skill that can be very difficult to acquire on your own.
Inside the book GET MY MARRIAGE BACK, we tell our story and how we were able to come back from a filed divorce stronger; lots of patience was involved.
Download it for free at: www.GetMyMarriageBack.com
You will also see an opportunity to book a coaching session with us.
Secret # 3 of Staying Together After Cheating – Transparency
So Kelly had a work affair with her boss. Unfortunately, Ben found out at her office Christmas party… quite an embarrassment right?
He was really hurt but was also determined to fix their marriage.
Somehow, Kelly told Ben everything that happened but omitted one piece; how close she had to work with the boss. This is dangerous.
A cheater who wants to stay together after cheating will have to lose the privilege of some options and privacy in many ways at least temporarily.
The trade-off with an extra effort on transparency is needed because the partner will need that reassurance to heal… that’s just fair.
Is this easy to do?
Secret # 4- Support System
Everything we are sharing here is easier said than done but it is doable with a strong support system.
Gary and Jane went through infidelity a year ago and they decided to stay and work on their marriage.
After she had forgiven him, one of her friends at the church marriage ministry started putting ideas of how cheaters never change into her head.
She caught anxiety from that and started flipping out on Gary; here goes the whirlwind all over again.
Healing is a process and you need to be aware of the fact that people’s opinion of your marriage can affect you negatively during the process.
Ever heard of the quote that says “Misery loves company.”
If you want to leave, leave. No one should manipulate you to stay just like no one should manipulate you to leave because of their personal experience.
Watch who you surround yourself with but more importantly a support system goes a long way in maintaining through the healing process.
We’ve got one more secret for you but in the next video, we will share how support systems work in helping to stay together after cheating.
So be sure to tickle that thumbs up and the other buttons around this video to ensure that you will get notified.
What else do we need?
Secret #5- Connection
If you are interested in staying together after cheating has occurred in your marriage, you will need a strong existing connection between you and your spouse to leverage because the process of recovering from betrayal is naturally very hard.
And in addition to your existing connection, we suggest that you commit to doing something you are both passionate about together.
By doing that, you are able to create new memories to replace those terrible ones and with patience, it will result in building a stronger connection.
Conclusion & The Main Lesson
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel
Cheating, though possibly a mistake, is still a choice. It does not always have to translate to a choice of not staying together after cheating.
There are people’s, and quite often, children’s lives involved in the decision making; it varies from people to people.
The choice to stay together is not always equivalent to justifying cheating; it’s more so about rising above past bad choices and mistakes.
It’s a willful gift of grace when it feels right.
So as long as the victim of the cheating has chosen to stay and not manipulated into that choice, it’s okay to choose to stay together just like it’s okay to choose to leave.
It’s a fact that many marriages do thrive after that horrible experience.
The pain can be instrumental towards a stronger marriage and happy life just like anything else in life; what doesn’t kill you does make you stronger.
The popular saying of “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” is BS because it’s an absolute theory from “fake perfect people”.
And people who subscribe to that usually have other areas of life where they have enjoyed second chances but yet run their mouth.
One extreme is to allow a serial cheater to continue the bad behavior while you remain the doormat.
But the other extreme is to have the outlook of perfection on how to be upright always at life , including zero room for grace.
Both extremes are problematic because it is a fact that betrayal of commitment at some level will be experienced in all marriages.
Check out this video on the screen to learn more about that.