💔 5 Reasons Your Wife is NOT Affectionate Anymore

Affection? 

Is that food?

Why is this even relevant in real life when you’ve committed to a lifetime in a marriage?

This is the question many men ask when their wives have seemingly lost interest in being affectionate.

When Tim contacted us and complained about the sudden lack of affection in his marriage, I asked him if his wife has always been that way. 

He said she was always the romantic one and was very much into PDA (Public Display of Affection).

But suddenly, she’s shut down.

Believe it or not, this is a common issue in modern marriages.

The good news is that we have identified 5 common reasons why a wife is no longer affectionate.

My name is LOLA and I am the co-author of the book

GET MY MARRIAGE BACK 

…with my husband OLA

…which you can download for free at:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

You will also see an opportunity to book a coaching session with us.

This is OLA

Reason #5 – Infidelity

PREVIOUS POST: 💔 5 Steps to Reverse “I Don’t Love You Anymore”

If there has been transgressions and betrayal on your part against your wife, it will mess with her ability to be affectionate with you.

Being affectionate is a symptom of a woman who feels safe and secure with you.

Here is the part where most men miss.

You consider yourself a protector and provider, so it becomes extremely hard for you to relate with the idea that she doesn’t feel safe and secure.

Well, the keyword as usual is ‘feel’.

What that means is this. 

All that matters is her experience and not what most men will consider “reality.”

Most men’s version of reality is retarded because they actively try to discount emotions; the one variable that controls 80% of romantic interactions.

Tim’s issue wasn’t infidelity. 

So it was actually harder for him; he feels entitled because no infidelity was involved.

So why wasn’t his wife affectionate?

Reason #4 – Emotional Disconnection

What we know in 100% of the case is that all lack of affection starts with emotional disconnection.

And what does that look like?

For a typical man, that makes no sense and in the very least; unfair.

They wonder.  How do you commit to a marriage and wake up randomly to claim you don’t feel affection?

I want to present to you the real reality.

This problem will only get worse the more you get defensive and take it personally.

I told Tim how easy it is to assume that men are just logical until they experience this rejection.

Little did he know that the experience of rejection is not just an emotion; it will also incite other types of negative emotions for a man.

But yes Tim’s wife was not only disconnected emotionally, it was extremely hard to get him to understand why his actions enabled it.

Here is what you should know.

If she doesn’t feel safe and secure, affection will disappear because she will disconnect emotionally as a form of protection for herself.

Is it always the man’s fault?

Reason #3 – Loss of Purpose

TRENDING: “My Wife Is NOT ATTRACTED To Me Anymore”

Right, wrong and faults are usually irrelevant to these types of romantic issues when 2 adults have consented.

So it’s definitely not a matter of fault.

But in addition to that, a lot of times, loss of affection has nothing to do with the husband.

When a woman is not feeling fulfilled or significant in one shape or form in her personal life, it can be hard to share affection.

You can’t give love to others when you are having a hard time giving love to yourself.

And as usual, it gets worse when a typical man reacts negatively to the rejection.

Rejection breeds obsession.

Speaking of obsession, I want you to obsess over the subscribe, like and share button of this video.

Because in the next video, we will dive into crazy and negative obsessions in marriage to avoid.

What else can cause lack of affection and intimacy in a marriage?

Reason #2 – New Baby Can Cause Low Libido

Here is another reason outside of faults, right and wrong that can tamper with affection in your marriage in a negative way.

The easiest thing when a crisis happens in a marriage is to think of infidelity, disrespect, insecurity, abuse etc.

These things do happen of course.

But we crave to point fingers at our spouse or worse, at ourselves.  

Then we effectively drag ourselves through blame, guilt, condemnation and judgement.

There are events in life such as the event of a new baby, as beautiful as that is, that can affect hormones and therefore reduce affection.

Beyond hormones, taking care of a brand new baby can milk a woman or the caretaker of the time and energy required to be affectionate.

So it takes a very mature man to calm down and be patient when these things are happening as opposed to overreacting and perpetuating the situation.

Your patience is precisely an ingredient needed in attracting her back into the space of affection again.

With that being said, what is the top reason within the scope of this lesson?

Reason #1 – Keeping Scores

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

Affection in a marriage is a result of two individuals giving to each other without expectations or at least with well managed expectations.

This is precisely what drives romantic emotions so high in the beginning.

It feels new and exciting just because…

And you just like that person enough to just give,  starting with giving your time and many other parts of your life.

But at some point, the spirit of complacency and entitlement kicked in.

If common sense was useful in marriages, the couple can simply go back to giving with no expectations like they did in the beginning…

Just because…

I want you to start by giving enough to yourself to avoid pouring from an empty cup but that’s usually not what happens.

Many resort to calling each other out and out of each other’s names from frustration and for not making each other happy.  

Then the competition to be right (a.k.a keeping scores) goes on and on and on and the couple hurt each other.

We told Tim that he can’t afford to keep scores with his lady especially as the man who claims the leadership role.

That’s precisely how to be a loser in a typical romantic relationship as a man.

The Main Lesson

Romantic affection cannot dwell where there is active competition to be right.  That works against unity and freedom.

But here is the good news for you.

When there is division of any type (regardless of what the cause is), the complainer has the luxury of leverage to lead the marriage out of the funk.

Check out the next video on the screen to learn more about that.

💔 5 Steps to Reverse “I Don’t Love You Anymore”

“I don’t love you anymore.” The point of no return right?

Chris did not see this one coming…

But with the amount of cases and marriage issues that we review from time to time, these issues do not just fall out of the skies.

So I asked Chris,

“Are you telling me that your wife has never complained before telling you she doesn’t love you anymore?”

Then he goes…

“I mean… she’s complained about a few minor things that were no big deals. Why are women inconsiderate with reality though?”

I asked him if he asked the question exactly like that to his wife. 

He went on and on about how she nagged constantly about quality time.

“So what do you want Chris?” I asked,

He said, “I need her to stop nagging because frankly, I’ve got bills to worry about.”

So I asked… “You don’t care about seducing her into falling in love with you again?”

“Seduction? What are we? Teenagers?”

And then I answered with another question…

“Do you want an answer to that or do you want to reverse this terrible experience with your marriage?”

Like many people in modern marriages, Chris is confused and we want to share the 5 steps we shared with him to reverse 

“I don’t love you anymore.”

My name is LOLA and I am the co-author of the book

GET MY MARRIAGE BACK 

…with my husband OLA

…which you can download for free at:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

You will also see an opportunity to book a coaching session with us.

This is OLA

Step 1 – Accept It

PREVIOUS POST: 💔 5 Steps To Dealing With a Disrespectful Wife

The usual confusion here is when people feel like accepting reality equals agreement to being wrong or to the experience they are trying to avoid.

If you feel this way, you are essentially focused on the wrong thing.

You would be actively defending yourself but not your relationship.

The reason why you should accept reality is because it is reality; it simply is.

It will also conclude this phase of the present funk a lot quicker than being stubborn about nothing.

I know like most people, you probably have a corrupted version of reality.

Can you at least accept the reality of the fact that your partner just expressed that they are no longer in love with you?

When your spouse comes to you and tells you he or she is no longer in love with you, the easiest route to take for most humans is to get defensive.

So it’s key in this key moment to rise above the norm and by doing so, your spouse will wonder and that’s the equivalent to building attraction back.

That is a scientific fact.

Accept it because frankly, you cannot claim that your spouse had not been complaining if your case is like the typical cases that we review daily.

Simply respond with…

“I understand. Let me know if and when you are ready to talk and work on it.”

This is easier said than done but it works like magic.

Step 2 – Listen

Most people have talked their spouse to death of attraction all in the name of communication.

The purpose of listening is not just to hear your spouse out.  It’s a lot more spiritual and deeper than hearing.

In fact, the purpose is to make him or especially her feel heard and safe again.

So for step 2, I want you to listen with an intention to seduce and make him or her feel heard.

I want you to mimic what your spouse is saying back to him or her like this.

“So I am hearing you say, you feel I haven’t been as considerate as I used to be?

Tell me more… Really… wow”

You are effectively investing interest into your partner that they will inevitably return back to you in folds in time.

If your spouse is especially used to you often feeling attacked and defensive, this will create a new and exciting dynamic to make them wonder what is happening.

That’s equivalent to seduction and building attraction back up.

Effective seduction and communication is 80% active listening, 10% ensuring understanding with your words and 10% sharing how you feel.

If your spouse doesn’t feel heard, they are simply not capable of truly hearing how you feel anyway.

I know what you are thinking.

“So my feelings don’t matter?”

Step 3 – Identify Why

TRENDING: 15 Warning Signs Your Wife Doesn’t Love You & How to Attract Her Back ❤️

The worst thing you want to do is get stuck in your feelings and apply too much energy into reacting to your feeling (the symptom) and abandoning the underlying disease right?

We also know that you are in love or obsession because rejection breeds obsession.  This is a scientific fact again.

When a person says to you that they are no longer in love with you, it’s easy to interpret that as the absence of love because it feels like a smack to the face.

This experience can also give you an illusion that you are in love. 

The in-Love experience is more of a “feeling” of affection… even if your spouse is telling you straight up that they hate you.

That is still an expression of passion and evidence of caring… at least about something that involves the both of you.  

What you don’t want is for your spouse to be indifferent.

That will be the true point of no return.

So it is actually natural that a person that may have been with you over a period of time will occasionally fall in and out of love.

How much more if he or she has been complaining of bad experience at any level over a period of time?

If your spouse is a human being like the rest of us, falling out of love is actually very natural especially if they’ve not been feeling heard or significant in your relationship.

It may even have nothing to do with you.

Falling out of love is just how he or she feels “at this moment”. 

Avoid making it a bigger deal than it is.

Instead, assess the data you collected during your listening exercise and focus on identifying the “why” and the role you played in deteriorating the attraction level in your marriage.

Remember, it’s not a matter of FAULT… This is seduction.

I have to share the 2 most important steps with you. 

But note that in the next lesson, I will share more about seduction, effective listening, collecting data and turning them to useful information (a.k.a THE WHY).

So be sure to subscribe and beat up the like button to tell the algorithm that we are giving goodies away over here. 

Thank you so much in advance.

So what else?

Step 4 – Adjust

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

You go to a relationship to give; not give and take.  I know you are probably hearing that for the first time but trust me.

Adjusting doesn’t mean that you are succumbing to a lesser role.  It actually means you are “leading” and seducing your spouse back in love with you.

The idea is not to become another person. 

It’s more so about engaging the existing power that you already have in that relationship in a way that benefits the relationship.

What needs to be adjusted is how you show up so that you can attract better love experience and expression.

Step 5 – Patience

It took time to get here. It will take time to get him or her to fall back in love with you.

How long?

It depends on a few factors but what you should focus on is becoming a better self that will attract a better in-love and real love experience.

You can’t afford to pour from an empty cup; you will get burnt out and your partner will unintentionally test you a few times before feeling safe and secure again.

Watch the in-love experience creep back into your relationship slowly but surely.

The Main Lesson

The more engaged in your personal purpose and life mission you are, the easier this process will be.

As we’ve said, this process will be tested.

So spiritual strength, personal purpose and self development are necessary ingredients for smooth recovery from “I don’t love you anymore.”

Watch the next video on the screen for more about that.

💔 5 Steps To Dealing With a Disrespectful Wife

In this lesson, you will discover how to deal with a disrespectful wife without losing any further respect in your marriage.

A few months ago, David reached out to us complaining bitterly about his marital life,

…and how it has probably been the worst decision he made to marry her.

When we asked him what his number one struggle was, he shared with us that his wife just doesn’t know how to respect a man.

He went on to share with us how he felt that she learned the behavior from her mother.  

According to him, he had tried to teach her to see how she can make him feel more like a man in how she talks and utters consistent rude remarks.

I said to him, “No Wonder”.

He asked me “What do you mean?”

Then I said, to him, “In listening to you, I have 5 steps you’ve taken that made your wife lose respect for you” 

And I went on to share the opposite of the following 5 steps we want to share with you with him.

My name is LOLA and I am the co-author of the book

GET MY MARRIAGE BACK with my husband OLA

…which you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

This is OLA

Step #1 – Stop Asking for Respect

If you have to ask for respect, there is a good chance that you do not deserve respect.  

And if you did deserve respect, that doesn’t guarantee that you will receive respect from you wife… and let me guess….

That makes life unfair…  right?

Welcome to the real world where everyone will be tested especially people or entities that occupy any position of leadership in any capacity.

If you didn’t know this already, that’s evidence that you probably haven’t earned the respect you are looking for.

Respect is earned.

Respect is not a right because you are a husband and respect is not an obligation on the part of your wife;

at the minimum, that’s not the reality.

You may have learned that it’s a wife’s duty from some type of religious belief system,

but that’s precisely the cause of many suffering in marriage; unrealistic expectations.

So stop asking for respect and learn how to attract respect.

Inside the book GET MY MARRIAGE BACK,

we tell our story and how we were able to come back from a filed divorce stronger even after all respect was lost.

Download it for free at: www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

You will also see an opportunity to book a coaching session with us.

Step #2 – Engage Infinite Patience

PREVIOUS POST: 💔 5 Secrets To Staying Together After Cheating Or An Affair

In a marriage, your wife will test you consistently and not necessarily deliberately.  

People like David will quite often ask us how long they should be patient for before they start complaining and nagging about lack of respect.

The only answer to that is forever.  And again, I know that seems unfair to the typical person because it doesn’t make common sense.

If that doesn’t make any common sense,

it would also mean that you are not making any common sense making a choice to stay married to your wife.

So to realistically prepare for the inevitable and consistent test of your temperament,

you will have to give and invest infinite patience into the marriage.

I acknowledge that this is extremely hard when you also don’t engage your power of choice that was made to be with your wife.

When you feel like a victim, marriage dynamics will continue to come off as unfair.

In love and war, all is fair.

Step #3 – Focus on Giving

How often have you heard “marriage is all about give and take?”

This is a terrible philosophy that only works in business transaction type of relationships and that’s why marriages are failing left and right.

The best way to leverage a relationship is to go there and focus on giving and nothing else; isn’t it the best way to harvest big time when harvest season comes?

Even in business, you learn to invest lots of time in networking with no clear sight on profits always within reach.

In fact, David is one of those guys who is practising worse than give and take; he is more so thinking of respect as a duty on his wife’s part and his right.

As you can probably see now, that’s a problematic way of approaching a romantic relationship especially if some events have made her lose the respect for you.

By focusing on giving, you are honoring the fact that respect is earned and it will come back in due time because you reap what you sow especially with a typical wife.

On the next video, you will discover how give and take is the worst belief system you can adopt into your marriage ever.  

So be sure to do everything in your power such as smashing anything that looks like any part of a hand, fingers, or color red around this video… 

To make sure you are notified and see that video.

Step #4 – Avoid Keeping Scores With Your Wife

TRENDING: 5 Signs Your Wife DOESN’T RESPECT YOU

David’s complaint also included the fact that they argued almost every other day in a very toxic way; in fact, every conversation leads to argument.

A man who understands women does not argue with women.

I know what you are thinking.

“What’s wrong with a harmless and healthy debate?”

We know from studies that no one wins an argument and an argument is an active competition to be right… right?

There is a 50% chance that you will win and be right but you will also have a little resentment built against you because your wife now feels a little less than.

You are probably also thinking…

“How is it possible to not ever argue?”

Well… we recommend to avoid argument because it is only natural to end up in argument sometimes.

But you are better positioned to recognize toxic vibes and energy with this knowledge you just acquired.

So avoid arguments without coming off as dismissive or a snob with your wife.  Instead, lean in and listen actively to understand her view points.

Even if it doesn’t make sense in the moment, assume that it is probably a blind spot for you in the moment at least until she realizes she was wrong.

That can also be “never” and you have to give the freedom for that to be okay to enjoy a romantic relationship especially in a marriage.

Step #5 – Engage Self Development

Without consistent and perpetual self-development, all of steps 1-4 will be extremely hard because you would be pouring from an empty cup.

But if you are well equipped, you don’t need validation or to feel like you are right even when you are so sure that you are right.

It will lead to a strong sense of security, healthy self-esteem, strong mental state and in due time you will attract the healthy love and life that you deserve and desire.

Conclusion & Main Lesson

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

Respect is earned.

That also means, when you don’t know each other enough and when you haven’t been tested in some form of crisis, it can seem like your wife is respecting you.

Eventually at some point, you will need to earn real respect and that will happen as a function of time, a level of pain and crisis.

Then it can last and become real love.

See this video on the screen to learn all about that.

💔 5 Secrets To Staying Together After Cheating Or An Affair

In this  lesson, you will discover 5 secrets to staying together after cheating; a terrible experience created out of a bad choice.

So about 10 months ago, Racheal sent in an email describing the pain she was still going through years after she was cheated on by her husband.

She said she finds it very hard to forget.  She wondered.  

But her husband made the wrong choice, why should she be obligated to make the right choice now? She asked.

There are so many reasons why married people cheat.

According to a study done by Austin Institute, infidelity was found to be a major cause for 37% of divorces in the United states. 

But another survey showed that 16% of marriages survive after a marriage; translation – 16% are staying together after cheating in their marriage. 

Even though Infidelity is not easy to heal from because it causes emotional intense pain, staying together after cheating is possible if you want to do the work.

So we want to share these 5 secrets to staying together after cheating or an affair with you to help you navigate a difficult time.

My name is LOLA and I am the co-author of the book

GET MY MARRIAGE BACK with my husband OLA

…which you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

This is OLA…

Secret #1 of Staying Together After Cheating – Remorse

PREVIOUS POST: Love & Marriage: Huntsville 💔 Season 2 (11 LESSONS from a Married Couple)

Theo claimed he cheated on Abby because she refused him sex a couple of times; this is a terrible way of trying to stay together after cheating.

If you are approaching your efforts to stay together after cheating this way, just like Abby, your spouse will get more angry and potentially leave the marriage.

Pointing fingers in any direction including towards yourself will drive your spouse further away from the marriage .

The cheater needs to show remorse. It really doesn’t matter how it happened.

Though made from a place of weakness, selfishness and not necessarily wickedness, cheating is a choice; a bad choice.

Making a bad choice and being a bad person are 2 different things.

Accountability and acknowledgement will show your spouse that you are not proud of your bad choice and it’s a good sign that you are ready to work on the relationship.

So what if I’ve tried to show remorse, but she keeps bringing it up?

Secret #2 – Patience

So we had the case of Sean and Sade… right?  When he cheated on Sade, he felt really terrible when she found out. 

Sean apologized to her and they decided on staying together after cheating and moving on with their relationship. 

Although Sade claimed to have accepted his apology, she had a hard time with healing properly and it showed everytime Sean wanted some intimacy.

She would cringe and burst out in tears because of mixed feelings of anger, disappointment,embarrassment and anxiety. 

Many times this led to Sean losing his temper out of frustration of mixed messages from  Sade.  

“You claimed you have forgiven me.  So what is the problem?”  Sean yelled.

The cheater needs to learn the art of giving infinite patience. This can only be achieved by giving without expectation.  

In fact, It’s the only way to attract the love of your life back; infinite patience. 

Patience is one thing the older married couples say helped them in building a lifelong healthy relationship and marriage.  

It will help you become a better person in your society and your home. It’s a skill that can be very difficult to acquire on your own.

Inside the book GET MY MARRIAGE BACK, we tell our story and how we were able to come back from a filed divorce stronger; lots of patience was involved.

Download it for free at: www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

You will also see an opportunity to book a coaching session with us.

Secret # 3 of Staying Together After Cheating  – Transparency

So Kelly had a work affair with her boss.  Unfortunately, Ben found out at her office Christmas party… quite an embarrassment right? 

He was really hurt but was also determined to fix their marriage. 

Somehow, Kelly told Ben everything that happened but omitted one piece; how close she had to work with the boss.  This is dangerous.

A cheater who wants to stay together after cheating will have to lose the privilege of some options and privacy in many ways at least temporarily.  

The trade-off with an extra effort on transparency is needed because the partner will need that reassurance to heal… that’s just fair.

Is this easy to do?

Secret # 4- Support System 

TRENDING: What is Infidelity ❤️ Does it Make Marriage a Mistake⁉️

Everything we are sharing here is easier said than done but it is doable with a strong support system.

Gary and Jane went through infidelity a year ago and they decided to stay and work on their marriage. 

After she had forgiven him, one of her friends at the church marriage ministry started putting ideas of how cheaters never change into her head.

She caught anxiety from that and started flipping out on Gary; here goes the whirlwind all over again.

Healing is a process and you need to be aware of the fact that people’s opinion of your marriage can affect you negatively during the process. 

Ever heard of the quote that says “Misery loves company.” 

If you want to leave, leave.  No one should manipulate you to stay just like no one should manipulate you to leave because of their personal experience.

Watch who you surround yourself with but more importantly a support system goes a long way in maintaining through the healing process.

We’ve got one more secret for you but in the next video, we will share how support systems work in helping to stay together after cheating.

So be sure to tickle that thumbs up and the other buttons around this video to ensure that you will get notified.

What else do we need?

Secret #5- Connection

If you are interested in staying together after cheating has occurred in your marriage, you will need a strong existing connection between you and your spouse to leverage because the process of recovering from betrayal is naturally very hard.

And in addition to your existing connection, we suggest that you commit to doing something you are both passionate about together. 

By doing that, you are able to create new memories to replace those terrible ones and with patience, it will result in building a stronger connection. 

Conclusion & The Main Lesson

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

Cheating, though possibly a mistake, is still a choice.  It does not always have to translate to a choice of not staying together after cheating.

There are people’s, and quite often, children’s lives involved in the decision making; it varies from people to people.

The choice to stay together is not always equivalent to justifying cheating; it’s more so about rising above past bad choices and mistakes.

It’s a willful gift of grace when it feels right.

So as long as the victim of the cheating has chosen to stay and not manipulated into that choice, it’s okay to choose to stay together just like it’s okay to choose to leave.

It’s a fact that many marriages do thrive after that horrible experience.

The pain can be instrumental towards a stronger marriage and happy life just like anything else in life; what doesn’t kill you does make you stronger.

The popular saying of “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” is BS because it’s an absolute theory from “fake perfect people”.

And people who subscribe to that usually have other areas of life where they have enjoyed second chances but yet run their mouth.

One extreme is to allow a serial cheater to continue the bad behavior while you remain the doormat.  

But the other extreme is to have the outlook of perfection on how to be upright always at life , including zero room for grace.

Both extremes are problematic because it is a fact that betrayal of commitment at some level will be experienced in all marriages.

Check out this video on the screen to learn more about that.

Love & Marriage: Huntsville 💔 Season 2 (11 LESSONS from a Married Couple)

Today’s lesson is from reviewing one of our favourites shows to watch;

Love & Marriage: Huntsville

featuring 3 of our favourite couples to watch on TV:

  • Martel and Melody Holt 
  • Marsau and Latisha Scott AND
  • Maurice Scott and Kimmy Grant

These are 3 couples like any other couples in the world

with the only difference being the magnifying glass of the OWN on them. (The Oprah Winfrey’s Network) 

In this season, Martel took a big L

which means Melody took it as well by default because this is a marriage at the end of the day.

Marsau stepped up his family leadership game quite a bit,

while Latisha still seemed to struggle with insecurity even beyond their nuclear family.

Maurice was presented with a new type of challenge associated with fatherhood within the context of stepping carefully and maybe on eggshells.

We are going to break it down.

My name is LOLA

And I am OLA

I am the co-author of the book 

GET MY MARRIAGE BACK with my wife LOLA

…which you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

Is Marriage Harder Because They Are On TV?

It is important to note that every one of these couples have had to deal with additional layers of challenges to deal with.

They have had to and will continue to have to deal with and process millions of public opinions about their own life,

with an unfair level of focus on their flaws and shortcomings.

So that’s never easy.

Nonetheless, we’ve extracted a few lessons for those of us

in or looking forward to being in a healthy marriage so that we can avoid as many of these mistakes as possible.

We appreciate them for their vulnerability so that we can all learn from their example.

Hopefully, they will stumble into this video some day and find value in it; we are not holding our breath on that. Although that will be sweet.

So how did we stumble into this show?

1st Season – Love & Marriage: Huntsville

PREVIOUS POST: 5 Signs Your Wife Never Really Loved You

We have been watching the show from the beginning

when the first episode aired in January 2019 which is a little less than a year of our 2nd phase in marriage.

Our 1st phase crashed at the 9 years mark when you asked me for divorce.  It took me a year and change to attract you back… right?

What we learned is that everything had to crash all the way down to a place where the marriage was “irretrievably broken” with “no prospects for a reconciliation.”

So we are blessed to be able to come back together.

And we naturally love watching these types of marriage related shows together.

We’ve learned a lot and want to continue to share  the lessons.

The 2nd season just wrapped up without a reunion in sight and I am suspecting it’s because of the amount of damages between Martell and Melody’s marriage.

So Martell & Melody Have Been the Stars of this Season in a Negative Way Right?

Unfortunately yes!  In fact, they have finalized their divorce at press time.

But it was avoidable knowing well that they are both still fired up with so much passion when they engage each other… although, mostly in a very toxic way.

So Martell seeks Maurice’s advice in this one particular scene and he pointed something important out to him that you just alluded to.

As you know, Maurice has been through divorce already so he has a more accurate context to offer advice from.

In that scene, you saw Martell admit to not wanting a divorce but we’ve seen him play the victim over and over in very childish ways.

Maurice did a really good job explaining the collateral damages that everyone,

especially the kids, is bound to pay for the rest of their lives.

So… 

Lesson #1 – Divorce Creates Collateral Damages for Everyone

What was the Best Lesson Moment of the Season?

I do think the best advice came from Marsau when he said to Martell…

“I would be so happy when you guys hit rock bottom.”

“Why do you say that?” Asked Martell.

“You can’t build up until you hit rock bottom and the way you guys are going,

I feel like you keep trying to catch yourselves from hitting and you are not getting it.

You don’t know how strong you are until you hit it and it DON’T kill you.”

I thought there were a lot of insights in that from Marsau.

We went through a similar experience and you did not listen to me (not necessarily literally) until you felt that you have hit a rock bottom.

But guess what.

When I asked you for divorce, that was rock bottom for you as an individual but I also did not come back until I felt a form of rock bottom.

There are many ways to feel rock bottom and it doesn’t have to be a terrible experience like divorce in your own marriage.

It could also come from being a perpetual student of marriage and reading enough stories of rock bottoms that you can feel empathy for.

On our next video, we will elaborate more on what it means to be a perpetual student of marriage and how to use it to build a healthy and joy-filled marriage.

Lesson #2 – To Enjoy Marriage, Be A Perpetual Student of Marriage

How is this Connected to Martell & Melody’s Marriage Crash?

Martell and (to be fair) Melody were not perpetual students of marriage just like most married people in today’s society.

But typical men like Martell need to understand that…

Lesson #3 – In love and war, all is fair.  

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Men need to pick one of these two.

Do you want to be right and fair or you want to be a respected and trusted husband that your wife consensually submits to?  

So the only way they could experience rock bottom which is the best context for building marriage is to experience rock bottom in real life.

It can absolutely be avoided by not keeping scores with each other (which Martell did a good job at) and learning from other people’s rock bottom.

Lesson #4 – Leverage Other People’s Rock Bottom Story

They are in real estate; they should know all about leveraging other people money and resources to build anything worthwhile.

So what is going on in the Marriage of Maurice & Kimmy?

Maurice is a guy who really has good intentions when it comes to helping his adult step son but he needs to learn how to back off a little bit.

Lesson #5 – In Marriage, Good Intentions Are Overrated.

Although Kimmy loves him very much, it seems like she would appreciate him to back off her baby a little… to put it nicely.

She wouldn’t admit that to avoid hurting his feelings of course; but the body language speaks volume and people should learn how to read a little mind… 

… at least in between the lines.

Bonus Lesson – In Marriage, You Have to Read Minds a Little

You Think Marsau is Better Than Last Season?

I think so but he could always do better.

The advice he gave Martell was pretty insightful but application can often present as a whole different monster when it comes to marriages.

Lesson #6 – In Marriage, Application & Theory Are Worlds Apart

He is listening quite a lot better to his wife without coming off as controlling and judgemental but I also think he was not tested as much in this season.

Last season, he was tested by the very fact that the wife wanted to step out and be aggressive with her career personally.

He handled that poorly by actively pushing against her when all he needed to do was to be supportive and allow her to explore and exhaust that option.

One thing I know is that people always come back to their center with time.   

If she belonged in that world of a career woman, he would find a new center but she would give him so much credit to overcompensate for that.

And if she didn’t belong there, as it seems now, she would come back to her center which is the focus on being a mom and a little extension of that to her podcast which is about being a mom.  

But the credit she gives him will feel a lot sweeter.

As men, we really need to practice infinite patience and avoid keeping scores with our ladies in any capacity.  

From my experience, whatever you give a woman, she multiplies.

Lesson #7 – In Marriage, Leadership Requires Infinite Patience

Lesson #8 – In Marriage, Avoid Keeping Scores & Lead by Example

Lesson #9 – Whatever you give a woman, she multiplies.

Do You Think Marsau Needs to Back Off His Mother In-Law?

Absolutely.

He may claim that this is how their relationship is and we should mind our business but I can see that backfiring from a blind spot later.

Latisha has a lot going on emotionally.  She is demonstrating quite a bit of insecurity especially with respect to her needy behavior with Melody.

She seems like the type of person that can weaponize that kind of thing against her own marriage.  

The way Marsau relates with his mother-in-law can be  later used by Latisha in efforts to support other cases against her own marriage.

Sure it’s family, but he needs to treat his mother-in-law and every woman like a lady always.  The banters can still find a place to fit in that.

Lesson #10 – A Man Must Treat Every Woman in His Life Like a Lady.

In Conclusion, What Do You Think About Martell’s Apology on Steve Harvey’s Radio Show?

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I think it’s a bad idea.

I am not a fan of premature unsolicited apologies because they can come off as manipulative and a continuity to past bad behavior.

We will cover this in the next video in detail.

Steve Harvey made a case for a public apology since Melody was humiliated publicly but that’s common sense; common sense is a terrible guide to marriage and relationships.

There are underlying emotions and triggers that can come from the weirdest feelings…

so much wisdom is required beyond common sense.

In fact and in most cases, what you are doing is perpetuating the embarrassment that she has been experiencing with the marriage fall-out on public display.

Martell should have taken enough time to work on himself first, find himself, nurture a healthy relationship with the mother of his kids.

Regardless of the divorce, it is in his best interest to treat Melody like a queen for the rest of his life and a need for apology will present in a proper and non-awkward way in due time.

It may not even EVER be necessary. 

Lesson #11 – Avoid Tendering Unsolicited Apologies.

We have been through every single one of the emotions displayed in Love and Marriage: Huntsville and we cover our story in detail inside our book GET MY MARRIAGE BACK.

You can download it for free at: www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

Also, you will see an opportunity to book a coaching session with us.