Latoya Forever’s 10 Implicit Lessons from the Divorce

Hello this is LOLA coming to you live from LOLAandOLA.com

…. and this is OLA

In today’s lesson, we are sharing 10 lessons we’ve extracted from Latoya Forever’s marriage and divorce.

We are tapping into Latoya’s life with her estranged husband, Adam Ali, so we can all learn some pitfalls to avoid.

After watching her 2 parts video interview that she released on her channel and channel with the new boyfriend (where it seemed that she wrote the questions…)

And watching the interview that her ex-husband did with blogger UnwinewithTashaK,

We have extracted these 10 lessons that we believe regular people like us can learn from, protect our relationship with our spouse and subsequently protect our marriages.

Without any further ado, let’s dive right in…

So what would you say is the number one implied lesson Latoya is trying to teach us with all these tell-all interviews?

Lesson #1 – Marriage is not for Children

Quite a bit of the communications within romantic relationships during and after is done through body languages regardless of how much you claim conversations to be the key.

Fun Tip: Conversation is not the same as communication.

The first interview we saw was the interview that unwinewithtashaK did with the ex-husband Adam Ali.

As soon as the interview started, I could read his body language and I picked up lots of immature signals.

One may say I was prejudging him without knowing him but we all prejudge.

Also, it is important to note that prejudging is different from judging.

Our prejudice is a function of our experiences

And what we do have are personal experiences and that of clients.

Most people go into marriage as amateurs without intending to but that’s exactly what it is… so nothing special there.

With what we saw in Latoya’s conduct on the reality TV show, THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA, her childish attitude to life was displayed quite a bit.

So you can imagine, how immature they were as far back as 2011 when they first got together.

The lesson here is to try as much as possible to understand basic adulting

….and knowing as much as possible about self before getting in the serious business of marriage.

What second lesson did you get from watching Adam Ali being interviewed on TaskaK’s platform?

Lesson #2 – Don’t Keep Scores with your Spouse or Partner

PREVIOUS POST: 17 Signs of When to Walk Away From A Sexless Marriage

Many people are stuck on the give and take formula when in fact, the only way for relationships to thrive is to go there and focus on giving.

This is especially true if you are the man who is always complaining about how your wife is not keeping her own end of the bargain.

Relationships especially within the context of Marriage is not a bargain game and you will always lose when you actively keep scores with each other.

Healthy relationships are as simple as out-giving each other. It’s a game of choosing a partner that you love enough to want to just give to without expectations.

Adam Ali referenced this so many times by saying Latoya… as the face of their brand seemed to always fall off her responsibilities.

Was she right or wrong?

That’s irrelevant in healthy relationships.

Knowing what we know, it sounds like Adam was quite adamant about getting things done when they are supposed to get done

….even if that creates division between the two of them.

With his good intentions, he found himself in place of conflict with his wife often all in the name of business.

They both blame it on the business but this is simply a case of a man who confuses his lady with a business partner.

At the end of the day, it’s their own emotions that played the tricks on them and not the business.

A simple root cause analysis will reveal that.

So what would you say about the many events they’ve had over the years?

Like for example, Adam allegedly cursed Latoya out for trapping him with the conception of their 2nd baby?

Lesson #3 – Don’t Sweep Problems Under the Rug

As you said, there were many events over the years that were,  not necessarily signals for divorce, but signals to seek professional help.

One of the main problems is that some take it as an attack when the partner suggests counseling, therapy or coaching.

In fact, I was that guy.

It’s best to receive it as an opportunity to analyze the marriage and adjust for best chances of good love and longevity.

They missed so many opportunities like most people and swept those problems under the rug; we almost lost our marriage doing the same thing.

Do you think it’s different for celebrities or couples who do business together?

Lesson #4 – We are the Problem; Not the Business

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Humans have the same basic needs and the only difference is our individual stories; that is to be considered when navigating life and love.

Latoya and Adam allowed division from what we considered to be natural environmental factors such as their occupation and status.

They could have also learned how to orchestrate unity by leveraging what they loved about each other; they went the other route instead.

Do you think unwanted pregnancy played a role in the fate of their marriage?

Lesson #5 – Pregnancy is Not an Automatic Marriage

Their first unplanned pregnancy played a role only because unfit people weaponize everything against themselves.

But it is worth noting that it can be problematic to make pregnancy into an automatic marriage.

We also know people who have succeeded in building a meaningful marriage from that type of scenario.

It simply took taking the marriage seriously enough to not keep winging things along but commit to the process of learning.

They both allegedly made a choice to cheat on each other.

Did that guarantee the divorce?

Lesson #6 – Cheating is a Symptom; Not an Excuse; Still, a Choice.

The answer to that question is “no”, but it was an added-layer to the amount of work it would take to bring that marriage back.

The betrayal of physical or emotional infidelity cuts deeply and coming back from that is like waking up an 800 years old dead body.

But with God, all things are possible.

All it takes is the same choice but much emotional work to fix the underlying issues because cheating is a symptom at the end of the day.

Were they compatible?

Lesson #7, Being Equally-Yoked tends to be irrelevant when you are in love.

Compatibility for the most part tends to become a question when people don’t want to take responsibility in nurturing the relationship or marriage they committed to.

In these types of cases, people are very quick to judge them on not making sure of compatibility before they married but it’s complete high-horse nonsense.

Even if you asked the question of compatibility before you married…

There is an extremely good chance that you won’t have the proper context to assess that because you have not been tested.

In fact, you are in love. If you feel differently, be patient. Just wait for it.

You will be tested from a blind spot… it’s inevitable and that’s why ultimately, marriage is a step of faith.

Two unique human beings coming together to play life is not a joke.

Regardless of religion, creed or culture, humans have PTSD from different types of trauma level.

Romantic relationships, especially within the context of marriage, will test everyone involved at levels they’ve never experienced before.

So premarital counseling will only help if it involves learning conflict and crisis handling because these things are inevitable no matter how strong your equally-yoked compatibility formula is.

Don’t get it twisted because of what they said; Latoya and Adam were in and out of love multiple times like the rest of us.

But aren’t these things common sense?

Lesson #8, Common sense is a terrible guide to a successful marriage.

We’ve learned together that everyone has common sense and that’s why it’s common.

Here is common sense.

The idea that we love doing the same thing professionally so we must be compatible romantically.

Latoya and Adam are great examples of how that plays out when it comes to marriages.

Not so well right?

Who do you think is at fault here?

Lesson #9 – Hurt people hurt people

This question creates the same problem that keeping scores with a spouse or partner creates. It creates division and eliminates unity.

It’s never a matter of fault.

It is more so a function of so many variables to be unpacked in the experience of marriage preferably with a professional.

Everyone has been hurt and experienced disappointment at one level or the other.

So it’s only natural to pull up guards at any sight of feeling unsafe and insecure.

Hurt people hurt people so Latoya and Adam simply experienced a vicious cycle that would take a tremendous level of humility, time, patience and most likely professional to break.

Do you think the outside world who are always in their comments and on blogs played a role?

Lesson #10, Opinions are like a** holes; everyone has one…

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

When you understand how life and love works, you will also understand that it’s okay for people to have opinions about your relationship.

But as public figures, you would have also understood that you are both humans and there is only so much you can handle emotionally.

That means therapy, counseling and coaching would be on stand-by if you have to be in a position to process millions of terrible opinions about your life everyday.

At a basic level, we all have to manage others’ opinions in our marriage.

Inside the book GET MY MARRIAGE BACK, we tell our story and how we were able to come back from a filed divorce.

Download it for free at:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

17 Signs of When to Walk Away From A Sexless Marriage

Being in a marriage has its highs and lows and sometimes you can hit a stumbling block such as a sexless marriage. 

A few moments of dryspell can happen and that is not unusual.

What can make it unusual is when that dry spell becomes permanent. 

When intimacy is gone in a marriage, it can gradually lead to the death of a marriage. 

So when do you know you are in a sexless marriage?

One survey says a sexless marriage is when a couple have sex once in a month.

But I believe this varies from people to people.

One Survey  says that 1 in 5 couples are having a sexless marriage. 

Did you know that the average married couple has sex 68.5 times a year which adds up to about once a week?

PREVIOUS POST: 5 Warning Signs That Feels Like Your Husband May Have Lost Interest in You Sexually

This is okay if both parties are on the same page.

But problem only occurs if one person desires sex and the other doesn’t. 

So before you decide to walk away, you have to do a root cause analysis that addresses all the variables and scenarios that led you there. 

5 potential causes of a sexless marriage to consider before walking away? 

Consideration #1 – Stress from Work

When a partner gets too busy with work, he or she can become too tired to think about sex.

They don’t even have a moment to eat dinner together, much less talking about their day which is one of the ways that healthy couples connect.

This can cause the couple to be distant and cause a dry spell in the relationship.

Consideration #2 – Childbirth

After Childbirth, a woman’s body changes and needs time to balance again. 

Doctors often advise not to have sex until after 6 weeks because of  common issues such as vaginal dryness, bleeding, pain, fatigue, tear, low libido, pregnancy and more. 

Breastfeeding lowers estrogen levels. 

So if a woman is breastfeeding, it may take time for her libido to return to normal. 

A man who doesn’t know all these may end up acting out of character because he feels neglected. 

And this might lead to even more dry spells; a vicious cycle of sexless weeks, months and potentially years because it all starts from a woman feeling safe with a man .

Consideration #3 – Lack of Connection

Sex without emotional connection is a turn off.  

An emotional connection is a bundle of subjective feelings that come together to create a bond between two people. 

Most women want to be wined and dined, 

They want to be heard, have intelligent and most importantly vulnerable conversations from the heart. They want to be noticed outside the bedroom. 

If she is only being used for sex, she will eventually loathe it. 

Likewise a typical man wants to feel like the hero in his marriage.  

If he is feeling belittled, he may disconnect and his sexual attraction towards his woman can be tampered with effectively.

Consideration #4 – Loneliness

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If you are sitting with your spouse and he is not engaging or responding to your conversations, you may start subconsciously learning how to disconnect. 

It may seem like your spouse is just self-absorbed in whatever he is doing without ever asking how your day went; your spouse seems uninterested in you.

You all can become distant and start feeling neglected.  This has led many to start fantasizing about life without each other. 

You may even have found yourself sharing and enjoying conversations with others outside your marriage in an intimate way.

Obviously, one or both of you can effectively get comfortable with the reality of a sexless marriage and it all started with at least one person feeling lonely.

Consideration #5 – Toxic Relationship Issues

If you are not treating each other with kindness, every conversation is filled with sarcastic and rude remarks. 

Likewise if at least one person is exercising controlling behaviours on the other, skyscrapers of resentments will be built. 

And it is also not uncommon to accompany all of that with some disrespect to an extent where your sight repulses your partner or vice versa.

This type of negative behavior kills sex. 

Who wants to have sex with someone who makes their skin crawl?

So Here are the 17 Signs of When to walk away from sexless marriage…

  1. If your spouse is not interested in a way forward and doesn’t care that your needs are not being met, staying in that marriage may turn you into a bitter person.
  1. All you both do now is argue. 
  1. You feel like your lack of sex is not even at the very least being compensated with a caring attitude. Instead, it’s filled with disrespect and insults. Some have even pushed themselves to the point of domestic violence.
  1. So because you can’t imagine a happy life without sex, you may have even started indulging in inappropraite behaviours outside your marriage.
  1. Sex has become a punishment tool for at least one of you. 
  1. And every time you do something wrong, your partner shuts down.
  1. Your spouse has in fact told you severally that you are not wanted anymore and divorce is now being thrown in your face. 
  1. You have become depressed and uninterested in your purpose. 
  1. You can’t even get out of bed to do things you normally do and you feel drained. 
  1. You feel exhausted and burnt out.
  1. You have become a raging jealous out-of-control monitoring spirit. 
  1. You find yourself tracking his or her every move.
  1. You have his phone monitored.you follow him around. 
  1. You have lost your self respect. It’s time to move on and find yourself again.
  1. Your spouse cheated on you and you resent him for it. 
  1. You dont to have sex with him but you want him to suffer. By the way, you are not making him suffer alone; you are killing yourself more. 
  2. If you are not open to counseling to help heal yourself, it’s time to let go and move on from this toxicity.

In Conclusion… 

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

Most sexless marriages suffer because one or both parties have shut down and have refused to have real conversations about why they have reached this point. 

They indulge in blaming and finger pointing. 

Blame, guilt, judgement and condemnation, felt at any level will not make your spouse more interested in sex. 

There are things you can do to get your marriage from a sexless stage to one filled with love and content.  

How are you communicating these concerns with your spouse? 

Are you talking to him or at him? Are you talking to her or at her? Try working on your communication skills.

Have you done a root cause analysis of why your marriage is sexless? There are usually some underlying issues. 

You need to be clear of what happened in order to fix it or you will be totally lost in confusion. 

If you are open, a good counselor can help figure that out.

You may want to start with reading GET MY MARRIAGE BACK; you can can download it  for free at: www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

Frequently Asked Questions [FAQ]

When should you walk away from a sexless relationship?

There are 17 signs here that you should consider before deciding to walk away from a sexless marriage.

There is no right right time ultimately.

What percentage of sexless marriages end in divorce?

15% to 20% of marriages are said to be sexless marriages but we also know that about 50% of marriages end up in divorce.

We are not too sure because the unquantifiable variables are many.

How long can a marriage last without intimacy?

It can last a lifetime but it is healthy for a typical marriage to last more than 3 months without doing something about it outside of medical issues.

Is it OK to cheat when in a sexless marriage?

It is never okay to cheat. It is better and more honorable to communicate and hold your own end of a commitment before breaking it.

5 Warning Signs That Feels Like Your Husband May Have Lost Interest in You Sexually

In this lesson, you are about to discover the overlap between feeling like your husband has lost interest in you sexually and the reality.

One of the pieces in the ups and downs of the journey in a marriage is attraction and sexual interest levels.

It is very important to be self aware enough to separate your feelings (which are as valid as they come) and the reality.

So with that being said, let’s discuss 5 signs that may confuse you with feeling like your husband has lost interest in you   sexually.

1st Sign – Stress

Your husband may be depressed because of work and money problems may have taken over.

Sometimes when a man is not making headway in his career, he shifts his priorities to work.

Sex can then become a back burner.

This can make you feel inadequate and feel like you are falling short in your duties as a woman.

But maybe his sexual interest level has nothing to do with you.

If his stress has something to do with you, you won’t be able to find out without leaning in and listening emotionally enough to find out.

You can’t listen when you are busy feeling guilty and inadequate about the level of sexual interest from your husband.

Try to approach it in a solution oriented way instead of coming from a finger-pointing stance such as guilt, blame, judgement or condemnation.

Ask for suggestions of how you can help ease off some of the burden that may be stressing him without taking things personally.

So you should do that without emotional attachment to the outcome.

He just may need to feel understood.

2nd Sign that Feels Like Low Sexual Interest – ED (Erectile Dysfunction)

PREVIOUS POST: 5 Signs Your Husband Repulses You Sexually & What To Do

Erectile dysfunction is something some men deal with as they age.

Just in case you are hearing that term or phrase for the first time, it means that a man cannot sustain the erection of his penis during sexual intercourse.

This condition can make some of them lose interest in sex for obvious reasons.

If your husband feels like he is inadequate for you sexually, it can create a vicious cycle because his confidence level is an important mental state necessary to maintain erection.

So try not to address this in the bedroom.

Instead, go on a date with your spouse and have a heart to heart light conversation about spicing things back up in the bedroom.

That will also create an opportunity for you to suggest seeking the help of a medical professional within the right emotional space.

3rd Sign – Complacency or “See finish” as Nigerians Like to Call it.

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It feels like there is lack of connection and no space in your relationship to him or both; someone is feeling smothered.

In fact, you have both become roommates and the energy now feels very awkward.

And before you know it, it’s been 4-5 weeks with no initiations from either party.

Complacency is inevitable in all marriages and the real question is…

Are you prepared for the inevitable?

So since these things have nothing to do with how good of a person you are, don’t take things personally.

But the fact is that you, as an individual, are also partly responsible for where you both are directly or indirectly.

It’s not necessarily a “fault” but more-so a matter of natural occurrence when you, as an adult, consensually choose to get into a relationship with another adult.

So why not take a lead and suggest fun ways to navigate the challenging journey of a highly rewarding and blissful marriage.

Make sure you approach this from the angle of your spouse’s love language.

This will help ease the challenge.

4th Sign that Feels Like Low Sexual Interest – Addiction to Pornography

This is something that may affect your husband mentally and can lower his libido because of unrealistic expectations.

What typical woman do you know who wants to be hanging from the ceiling during sex every night?

Also if your husband can achieve orgasm by himself, there is also a chance that he won’t need you and that can come off as low sexual interest.

This is especially true if you are used to him initiating sex over the course of your marriage especially earlier on.

It’s only natural for you to feel like he is loosing interest sexually in you if he suddenly stops initiating sex.

Pornography (Porn) is a powerful form of entertainment because it offers a counterfeit form of intimacy and attachment.

You may have to get professional help in terms of intensive therapy for both of you where he can get support and an accountability system.

5th Sign – Lack of respect

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

The words you say to your husband can make or break him.

If you are in the habit of criticizing him like you are his mother even with good intentions, that may kill his attraction level towards you.

A typical man wants to feel like a hero in his marriage.

Sure respect is earned and I get the likelihood that your husband may have lost the respect due to some circumstances.

But it’s probably time for you to engage your power in your marriage if your choice is to stay in it.

Self awareness is key.

And that’s why it is necessary to identify the possibility of him feeling disrespect from you even if you never meant to.

If this sign hits home for you, now you know the nature of a typical man and that means you can do something about it.

Sow a seed of respect consistently into him and observe if that turns him back on over time.

You are doing it deliberately.

So it can only feel like a fun game with real life rewards over time.

That’s all part of the art of seduction and it’s powerful when you learn how to use it in favor of your marriage and subsequently you.

Conclusion

In your journey of marriage with your husband, you both will individually experience negative and positive moods because you are both humans.

The general dynamic and mood of your experience together will also be a function of all that and more.

So it is important to handle sexual attraction and interest accordingly without taking things personally.

If you feel like sexual attraction is lower than usual or desired, take ownership in building it back up without guilt tripping yourself.

Learn how to seduce your husband into the space where you want him sexually.

Download our free book from:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

For more lessons like this, go to:

www.LOLAandOLA.com/blog

5 Signs Your Husband Repulses You Sexually & What To Do

In this lesson, I will be sharing 5 signs you may have been experiencing to make you feel like your husband repulses you… 

And maybe even disgusts you in more ways than one.

You would probably agree that this is not a fun way to be in a marriage with your husband

and you probably feel guilty already for feeling this way.

Over the years, I’ve had friends who complained bitterly about their husbands not being fully committed to them.

They feel like they are invisible to their men. 

Some of them wonder if their husbands were cheating.

And these are the kinds of feelings that can lead  to feeling disconnected from the husband even after sex.

I’ve personally been in this place to the extent that all I wanted to do was run away from the marriage.

Eventually, I filed for divorce because it felt like there was nothing else to fight for,

…but I am lucky to still be in the same marriage.

So let’s dive in through the 5 signs you may already be experiencing.

1st Sign –

Your Husband Doesn’t Notice You Anymore Can Lead to “My husband repulses me sexually”

If you are feeling like your husband has taken you for granted,

…that is almost the equivalence of feeling rejected in your marriage.

I remember a few years into our marriage when I started to feel like my husband stopped paying attention.

He became oblivious of my needs and desires (I felt like it at the time) and he was lost in his own world.

Eventually, I started to feel disconnected from him to the extent that I started fantasizing about life without my husband.

That’s just the natural progression after feeling like you don’t matter anymore in your marriage.

And if care is not taken, you can also lose yourself.

How did you get into a space where your husband starts to take you for granted?

There is a chance that you are probably way too predictable to keep engaging his attraction towards more of your attention.

He has your attention in excess so naturally, (like the rest of us) we take anything that is readily available for granted.

So if you don’t know what you are doing and  why he does what he does, you eventually start to resent him and get used to the idea of your husband repulsing you.

You need to learn how to flip into being unpredictable.

If you had gotten more involved in your personal purpose, allowing you to give him some space before your resentments started boiling, 

…he would have been more curious about what you are up to effectively seducing him back to noticing you more.

2nd Sign That Leads to Feeling Like Your Husband Repulses You –

Your Husband Stopped Initiating Sex

PREVIOUS POST: 13 Signs That Will Make You Say “My Husband Hates Me” to Yourself

I know your mind may be focused on the possibility of your husband cheating on you but that is not always the case. 

There are many reasons why your husband may have stopped initiating sex.

And it is very important for you to explore those possibilities before concluding in a way that leads to resenting him.

When our marriage was in crisis, I didn’t know any better and that led to my mind creating the worst case scenarios you could ever think of.

What if your husband was going through a tough time with work and he was just too ashamed, scared or he just avoided putting the burden on you?

Instead of leaving your marriage in the hands of fate to figure out for you while you build more resentments towards him, 

…why not start by planning a date night and scheduling sex for a change… 

All that can replace the idea of waiting for him to initiate sex all together in an even more exciting way. 

I know what you are thinking.

You are probably thinking that scheduling sex is boring.

But a scheduled sex is better than not getting any at all in addition to building resentments towards your husband repulsing you.

This method and other similar strategies are just initial ways of giving yourselves something to look forward to until things kick off naturally again. 

As I said earlier, there are other reasons why your husband may have stopped initiating sex besides just putting his legs up in complacency and relaxing in the marriage.

Erectile dysfunction, complacency, normalizing bad marriages are just a few other reasons you should be aware of.  

You will never know unless you engage your power and ask in love.

In some of these cases, you will have to support him by encouraging him to talk to a professional if it comes to that.

But the keyword there is “encourage” and not demanding.

3rd Sign –

Your Husband is Too Busy to Make Time for You

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Unfortunately you have now found yourself in a place where it feels like you are not your husband’s first priority but more of a burden to him.

That is not the ideal husband. Is it? 

I also went through those same emotions for the better part of the first 9 years in our marriage.

Our sex life was actually good.

But it was the feelings that I had after sex that bothered me the most.

It felt like that was all he wanted from me.

If you are going through similar emotions, eventually you will resent your husband just like I did and intimacy will also cease to happen.

And so the only way to get help is to understand the underlying reasons why he seems to be focused on other things rather than your relationship. 

He is your husband.

Don’t wait until your resentments hit the boiling point.

You probably know what gets him in a lighter mood and you can then use it to your advantage,

…to have a heart-to-heart talk in a loving way.

Avoid assumptions, arguments and being judgmental so that he won’t be triggered to shutting down on you and your relationship emotionally.

You see… 

Life can be tough on all of us.

And the person that feels the heat and effect of that the most is the closest person to us which is you; being the wife.

The easiest route to take when you are being hurt emotionally is to get caught up in the emotion.

But the reality is that you can work a little harder because of the rewards.

Find out the “why” and leverage it in the favor of your marriage and most importantly, the underlying relationship.

4th Sign –

Sarcastic Tones can Lead to “My Husband Repulses me Sexually”

Marriage will test the character of both parties in ways that are usually hidden in a blind spot.

Unfortunately, the way these flaws are revealed in your marriage will be in communication break-down.

Why?

Because insecurities come with everyone and reality shows up when a crisis or trauma happens in your relationship.

If your husband seems to call you mean names and makes you feel worthless, he is probably coming from a place of hurt and resentment. 

The purpose of my assertions here is not to create excuses for him…

but to give you the opportunity to understand him psychologically and emotionally.

In fact, he continues to blame you for everything wrong in his life probably because you have tolerated bad behavior.

So you are partly responsible for enabling this behavior since you are also an adult who chose to be in a relationship with him.

As usual if you keep these dynamics up in your marriage, you will get hurt and build resentments as well; which then leads to these feelings of husband repulsion.

So in order to avoid these feelings, you may need to disengage immediately to an extent; until he starts desiring to give into your relationship again.

You need to seduce him until he understands that it is unacceptable and the way you can communicate this is how you allow yourself to be treated. 

It’s time for you to earn respect for yourself by respecting yourself.

Your husband may also be depressed where his sarcastic tone may be his way of coping.

This may sound harsh but you can’t help him if he doesn’t want your help or know he needs it.

So I would advise that you get yourself some support like a professional who can guide you on what you can do to help your relationship.

And also, learn how to look out for yourself so you don’t get burnt out.

5th Sign That Leads to Feeling Like Your Husband Repulses You –

Your Husband Would Rather Confide in Other Women

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

You are probably feeling that your husband has become a stranger to you because he would rather share moments and intimacy with other women.

As always, not addressing this as soon as possible will turn to boiling resentments which we are now interpreting as husband repulsion.

It all started from somewhere.

You see… 

Most people think cheating and infidelity is all about stepping out physically on a spouse; that’s inaccurate.

Cheating is happening anytime you are engaged in activities that you are ashamed of and effectively hiding it from your spouse. 

Your spouse might be engaged in an emotional affair.

So you need to ask yourself first…. 

Is your relationship worth saving for you?

If your answer is “yes”, don’t overreact.

Do not confront him about this yet because it might set him off running or shutting down completely.

If you want to save your marriage now, you have work to do personally on yourself. 

You might have found yourself in this situation because you engaged controlling behavior by taking care of your partner to a fault of neediness.

Also engaging in judgmental and disrespectful arguments can make you neglect yourself to the point of losing yourself.

However it’s not too late to get your self-confidence back and start feeling attracted to your husband again.

Now you know that you have choices either to attract your spouse back or move on because you deserve better than what you are feeling now. 

Our motto is the G.P.S which you have to master in order to influence your partner back. 

For more information, please download our book 

GET MY MARRIAGE BACK

…for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com
For more lessons like this, go to www.LOLAandOLA.com/blog

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Is it normal to be disgusted by your husband?

No… it is not normal however many women and wives can feel this type of emotion towards their husband if there is a history of resentments and bottled-up issues.

Why is my husband not interested in me sexually?

There are many reasons he may not be interested in you sexually but there is a good chance it has nothing to do with you. Start with a conversation with an intention to hear him out.

What do you do when your partner is uninterested sexually?

If your partner seems uninterested sexually, attempt a conversation with an intention to hear him out and not to judge.

What are the signs of a bad husband?

The seeming signs of a bad husband are struggles with making you feel heard, abuser who abuses you mentally, emotionally or physically but be mindful that these may also be signs of a man who is struggling internally.

Unrealistic EXPECTATION in Relationships & Marriages ❤️ 2 Reasons why it DESTROYS…

How do you deal with unrealistic expectations in a relationship?

Expectations are only as real as the existence of this conversation; no more and no less.

Frankly, they don’t have to be any more significant than…

  1. Your ability to manage your expectations
  2. And your ability to interpret expressions of your partner’s expectations.

It is problematic 100% of the time when you receive expressions of expectations from your partner as an attack.

Naturally, you will feel a need to defend yourself and that’s what creates a vicious cycle of toxic relationships.

Instead, why not consider the expression of expectations as a gift and an opportunity to give into the relationship.

Are Women’s Standards & Expectations too High?

That’s a tricky question.

On one hand, I personally am not attracted to a woman with low standards and I also found that…

Most of the men that I know are not attracted to that also.

But on the other hand, this question comes from a valid place because frankly, there are blurry or fine lines between standard and expectations.

The way I look at it is that a woman needs to feel safe enough to express our expectations without feeling like it will be received as an attack.

What About Some Unrealistic Expectations Examples?

It starts for a lot of people in the dating phase with the idea of revelation of everything on a first date.

As human beings, we tend to put up a front naturally when we are getting to know a person of interest.

But to add onto that, the expectation of another human remaining the same throughout the course of a relationship is unrealistic.

This expectation usually shows up in the form of vibe, energy, action and most importantly, outlook.

Are Unrealistic Expectations in Marriage Leading to Divorce?

Yes they are… but that’s not always an obvious thing.

It usually happens as a slow but sure death over time.

When you observe healthy relationships and marriage goals from a far,

The amount of grace and investment that goes into that is not often the most obvious to see.

By the time most people get to the stage of divorce, they have usually lost sight of where it all started…

What they can usually see are the resentments.

There are many other reasons why a marriage may lead divorce of course,

But I guarantee that somewhere in-there, 93+% of the time, there was a display of unrealistic expectation on one another.

“My Husband Has too High & Unrealistic Expectations of Me”

If you feel like you are going through this with your husband, it’s time to learn something new.

There is a good chance that you also have expectations of your husband to know how to better set his expectations in your relationship.

I guess he failed and you probably feel that your expectations are realistic but then… I agree with you.

As you know, I don’t have context of your particular situation

But you should know that your knowledge of his expectations can be a powerful seduction tool in your marriage

…without hurting yourself in the process.

Granted…

He may be terrible in communicating his “terrible expectations” to you but I would just start asking yourself,

“What can I do with that information?”

OR… you can do what most people do which is to receive it as an attack, get defensive and trash the relationship.

Unrealistic Expectations in Dating

Exact scientific formulas are simply not enough when vetting for dating because all it does is create a massive emotional blind spot.

There are systems but they have to be internalized.

The most popular UNREALISTIC expectations in dating is wrapped around money and beauty;

Just superficial things and currencies that depreciate in value moment by moment.

While it is cool to be attracted to certain looks, social or economic class, these are not basic human needs that stand the test of time.

In just a few years…

Not only will money and beauty fade, your focus in particular, on these superficial things will fade.

Unfortunately, it might be too late for you to start prioritizing other qualities that matter in your partner.

You can give yourself money and beauty.

Women’s Unrealistic Expectations about Marriage Tend to Stem from…

…Past hurtful experiences.

To be frank, that’s applicable to both women and men alike.

Naturally, what we all want is love and/or connection.

All we want to do is give a special person some love.

But that seems to change when people go through hurtful experiences in relationships.

Then they naturally start to learn ideologies precisely designed to be defense mechanisms.

And that, in its very self, works against the essence of a healthy relationship or marriage.

Unrealistic Expectations of Love

The expectations that most people have of love is not so much unrealistic but nonetheless, damaging to committed relationships and marriage.

People, in general, start relationships on love as a feeling rather than as a choice that requires investing in.

I think that’s fair because that almost seems to be the point if we are being honest; it’s love and connection without being forced right?

But with time, it’s only natural for feelings to fade.

And we all take anything that’s readily available for granted after the newness fades.

Most people expect the initial “in-love” experience to continue the way it started and that’s an unrealistic expectation of love from human beings.

That’s When it Becomes Unrealistic Expectations of Others

This gets worse when people say things like

“He/she doesn’t make me happy much longer.”

The reality in most cases is that happiness comes from the inside.

But in the beginning, it is camouflaged as coming from others because you don’t truly know them enough.

You are new to, and fascinated with each other.

Over time, it’s in your best interest and that of the relationship for you to find out deeper reasons why you were attracted to each other outside of momentary feelings.

Then you have to be deliberate and intentional in nurturing it or else, it, also, will fade like every other feelings you will have in life.


Yes. Expectations have to be managed but that’s by all of us.

Self awareness is key in navigating the toxic energy of expectations in relationships and marriages.

What I would say from my experience is that there is room for improvement in more listening when it comes to communication.

To create a healthy relationship and effectively a healthy marriage, don’t take the expectations of your partner too seriously

…beyond useful insights for a better and healthier relationship.

In fact, ultimately you want them to feel free to continue to express those expectations if you want to enjoy your relationships without resentments.

But we all need to manage our expectations when it comes to relationships.

Keep in mind that love only thrives when we love with respect to freedom.

The truth is that everyone comes into relationships with emotional trauma (camouflaged as expectations often times).

So I feel there is probably better value in learning the systems in handling the inevitable crisis in relationships.

There are 100’s and 1,000’s of signals that create what you’ve got today in your relationship…

Blame, guilt and condemnation absolutely won’t work because…

The only thing that you can control is your self-development efforts.

The real enemy of relationships are extreme ideologies which doesn’t allow you to see where you can extend grace when necessary.

I believe that when we start looking at relationships as an opportunity to give as opposed to give and take,

We will create more leadership that will effectively create the love-dance that we all want, admire and desire in marriage-goals.

We all need to work on emotional intelligence.

The brilliance in emotional intelligence is that blame, guilt and condemnation works against it 100% of the time.

We all need to lead by listening…

But personally I believe that if all fails, the person complaining needs to lead.

If that fails, men need to lead simply because of the patriarchal society that most of us still live in.

That’s what I personally believe.

We all have the same 6 basic human needs as copied from Tony Robbins

  1. Certainty
  2. Significance
  3. Variety
  4. Love/Connection
  5. Growth
  6. Contribution

But our history as individuals and groups will absolutely skew how we navigate from the same problems to the same solutions.

Sometimes, the traumas have to be unpacked.

One of the issues with expectations in a relationship is quickness to be defensive often camouflaged as response.

In a relationship, be encouraged to continue to put your focus on recognizing opportunities to give (sometimes educate)...

…rather than the opportunity to take an offense from triggers and trauma.

If you are quick to take things as an attack from your partner, it’s only natural to defend yourself

…and then go down a rabbit hole from there.., potentially trash a relationship you care about and/or divorce.

Are men too stupid to meet women’s expectation?

That’s usually the direction of these conversations when women gather in support groups to talk about this

…without a professional and emotionally intelligent moderator.

I encourage that you consider the possibilities that a man is not stupid and just may have a different goal and objective that you should learn.

Granted, men don’t always communicate with emotional intelligence.

In relationships, some of the most important information you need to give and attract the love you want, desire and deserve are passed non-verbally.

Mismatch of Expectations?

That only exists in 2 scenarios that you can actually manage.

  1. It exists when you don’t manage your expectations with respect to the dynamics that a partner brings into a relationship with you.
  2. It also exists when you don’t give your partner the freedom to express their expectations without taking it personally.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

How do you deal with unrealistic expectations in a relationship?

Give your partner the freedom to express their expectations without taking it personally or holding yourself hostage on delivery of all of the expectation.

What is unrealistic expectation?

Unrealistic expectations are expectations made on a relationship without accounting for the capability of a partner and the dynamics of the nature of human relationships.

What are realistic expectations in a relationship?

Realistic expectations are expectations made on a relationship with regards to the capability of a partner and the dynamics of the nature of human relationships.

What problems can unrealistic expectations cause?

Unrealistic expectations tend to weigh negatively on relationships because most people engaged in relationships evolve with time into expectations of what they get as opposed to how it started which is giving love to a partner.