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Intimacy in Marriage

“Intimacy” includes physical closeness and to many, this quickly gets translated to mean a sexual relationship.

Of course, married love includes sex, as it should, but long-married couples will often relate that the sexual part of their relationship is only one of many ways they are intimate with each other.

Other forms of intimacy are emotional, intellectual, heart-to-heart conversations, working together at common goals, and spiritual intimacy. True marital intimacy usually involves being honest with your spouse and allowing yourself to be vulnerable.

Because you know your spouse well and trust him/her not to hurt you, you are willing to give yourself completely and risk the unknown.

In emotional intimacy, a couple shares their joys, fears, frustrations, sorrows, and, yes, anger with each other. This doesn’t mean that spouses yell and scream at each other- or, worse, hit each other- but it does mean that hard feelings can be shared, too. The challenge is to find ways to do this respectfully.

It can be scary at times to let down one’s emotional guard, but when trust is developed over time, it feels safe. Emotional intimacy is one of the strongest bonders in a marriage.

It is violated when a spouse shares intimate thoughts and feelings with a friend, co-worker, or on- line. This can feel like a betrayal even though it doesn’t involve sexual infidelity.

The 4 Types of Intimacy

Before you can work on intimacy in marriage, it’s important to understand the four main types: emotional, intellectual, sexual, and experiential intimacy. Let’s explore these in terms of how they apply to a romantic relationship:

  • Emotional intimacy: People experience emotional intimacy when they feel comfortable sharing their feelings—good and bad—with each other. For example, you tell your spouse that you feel insecure about your body after gaining a few pounds.
  • Intellectual intimacy: When it comes to intellectual intimacy, people feel safe sharing their ideas and opinions, even when they don’t see eye to eye on the matter. For example, you and your spouse discuss your personal political opinions, even though you follow different parties.
  • Sexual intimacy: Sexual intimacy occurs when people engage in sensual or sexual activities. For example, your spouse pulls you in close, lifts your chin, and kisses you passionately.
  • Experiential intimacy: People engage in experiential intimacy when they bond during day-to-day activities or work together to accomplish a mission. For example, you help your spouse fix the flat tire on your car, handing her the tools she needs.

Again, intimacy in marriage is about forming a bond and developing an unequivocal closeness. Naturally, as we get to know someone we’re romantically interested in, we both explore and fulfill emotional, intellectual, sexual, and experiential intimacy. But as we get closer and more comfortable with the other individual, that intimacy can die down.

Keep the Flame Alive: Tips

Don’t worry. If you and your spouse are lacking that emotional, intellectual, sexual, or experiential intimacy, you can find that spark again. Here are 5 tips that will help you to improve every type of intimacy in marriage:

1. Seek out new experiences.

As we touched on earlier, intimacy isn’t just about a physical connection. It’s also about closeness and familiarity. With that in mind, one of the best ways to improve intimacy with your spouse is to revel in new experiences. For example, you could embark on a major project together like renovating or flipping a house. Or, you might consider adding a new member to your family and adopting a dog! If you aren’t ready for such commitments, you could book a trip to an unfamiliar country and explore its depths together. These experiences are designed to challenge you—they’ll force you two to work closely together, and maybe even argue or despise each other along the way, all while ultimately solidifying your bond further and improving intimacy in your marriage. 

2. Relish in your comfort and connection.

When we first start dating someone, everything is new and exciting. We experience intense emotions as we get to know the individual and become intimate with each other. Over time, though, this novelty and excitement lessen. While this can be disappointing, there is a flip side: the connection is deeper than ever before, signified by the comfort you feel in each other’s company. So, you can improve your intimacy with your spouse by thinking back to the initial stages of your relationship, appreciating its development, and relishing in just how comfortable you feel with your spouse. This is key to fostering intimacy in marriage. 

3. Change up your routine.

On the other hand, it’s also helpful to switch up your routine every now and then to induce those intense emotions again. Go out of your way to do the unexpected and surprise your spouse. For example, book a weekend getaway and have everything ready to go—book the hotel, pack the bags, fill the car up with gas. You can also change up your routine and improve intimacy by spending a little time apart. There’s nothing wrong with taking separate trips every now and then. This will give you the chance to miss each other and you’ll feel happy and excited when you’re reunited. 

4. Maintain good avenues of communication.

Often, we don’t set aside time to have a proper conversation with our spouse—be it about the love we have for them or, on the other hand, a problem in the relationship. However, maintaining good avenues of communication can supplement our effort to improve intimacy in marriage and to keep the flame alive Adina Mahalli, certified relationship consultant and sexual health expert, explains: “Relationships are constant work and can fall apart if there isn’t effort put in to maintain it. Small things go a long way while maintaining intimacy, and resentment can build up quickly if there are not good avenues of communication,” Mahalli explains. “Knowing and explaining to your partner on a regular basis why you’re in love with them and how you feel about them is another way to keep the flame burning. Disagreeing is also an important aspect of any relationship. Being able to calmly and respectfully tell your partner the issues you’re having is essential for maintaining intimacy. Silence is the silent killer of relationships.”

5. Demonstrate your love and support often.

Make a habit out of showing your spouse that you love, care for, and support them. Many of us assume or insist that our partners know we love them—but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t remind our spouses through both our words and our actions on a regular basis. For example, when your spouse gets home from work, look into their eyes and then kiss them. Ask how their day was. Put gas in their car. Write a cute message for them to find on the whiteboard in the kitchen. Find small ways to remind them that you care. This will help to improve with your spouse and keep that flame burning indefinitely. 

How Can You Fix Intimacy Issues?

If you’re having intimacy issues in your marriage, there are a few things you can do to try to improve the situation. Intimacy is about so much more than just sex, but that doesn’t mean that sex isn’t important. If you and your spouse are struggling with intimacy, it may be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor who can help you work through the underlying issues. Here are a few other things that may help:

1. Talk about your needs and expectations.

If you’re not happy with the level of intimacy in your marriage, it’s important to talk about it with your spouse. Discuss your needs and expectations for intimacy in your relationship. This can be a difficult conversation, but it’s important to have if you want things to improve.

2. Make time for each other.

Intimacy requires time and effort. If you want to improve intimacy in your marriage, you need to make time for each other. This means setting aside time for date nights, weekends away, or just time to spend together without distractions. You may also need to get creative if you have kids. Intimacy doesn’t always have to mean sex—it can also be about cuddling, talking, or just spending time together.

3. Be willing to try new things.

If you’re in a rut, it may be helpful to spice things up and try new things. This could mean anything from trying new positions or experimenting with new techniques to adding some excitement to your sex life by incorporating toys or role-play.

4. Seek help from a professional. 

It can be tough to fix intimacy problems without professional assistance. It’s often more efficient to work with a couple’s therapist to solve these issues. When one person in a marriage has problems with intimacy, it can make the other feel inadequate. If both people have separate problems, then significant work needs to be done, but things can get better.

Intimacy plays an important role in a happy and healthy marriage. If you’re struggling with intimacy in your relationship, don’t be afraid to seek help from a professional. Often, couples’ therapy can be very helpful in these situations. Intimacy is about so much more than just sex—it’s about developing a deep connection with your spouse. By working on intimacy in your marriage, you can improve your relationship and make it stronger than ever.

Conclusion:

Intimacy in marriage is both important and complex. It’s about more than just sex, but sex is still an important part of intimacy. If you’re struggling with intimacy in your marriage, don’t be afraid to seek help from a professional. Often, couples’ therapy can be very helpful in these situations. Intimacy is about developing a deep connection with your spouse, and by working on intimacy in your marriage, you can improve your relationship and make it stronger than ever.

Sexual intimacy keeps you both physically and emotionally healthy. Studies have found that people who are married are not necessarily happier, but if the relationship between the couple is healthy and satisfying, then married people do enjoy better health.

Having an intimate and close relationship with our spouse or loved one brings many physical and emotional benefits. Reducing stress, anxiety, and depression, increasing our sex life, and countering loneliness are just some of the benefits.

Intimate relationships are often characterized by attitudes of mutual trust, caring, and acceptance. A part of our sexuality might include intimacy: the ability to love, trust, and care for others in both sexual and other types of relationships.

How To Fix A Broken Relationship ~ 19 Things You Must Know

In this article, we will discuss how to fix a broken relationship even if it’s within a marriage.

May be you feel like all hope is lost… relax…. read this first.

Why Do Relationships Break Or Fail?

There are many reasons why relationships fall apart.

  • It could be that you and your partner have grown apart over time and now have different interests, goals, and values.
  • It could be that you’re unable to resolve conflict in a healthy way, or that one or both of you tend to withdraw or shut down when things get tough.
  • It could be that you have different ideas about how to handle finances, child-rearing, or other important life decisions.

Whatever the reason is, if you find yourself in a failing or broken relationship, it’s important to be intentional with your actions or lack there of.

Otherwise, the situation is likely to only get worse.

The simple truth is that we are humans.

We’re complicated.

And relationships between complicated humans are even MORE complicated.

#1. Trust Has Left The Building

The cement of your relationship is Trust. without it, your relationship will fail.

Trust issues are very common.

Trust issues usually start in our childhood.

We learn them in our families.

And then we bring them into our relationships.

When we stop trusting ourselves, we stopped trusting others.

And when we stop trusting others, we stop trusting ourselves.

Trust is a two-way street.

Some of the bad things that happen when you lose trust are:

  1. Infidelity
  2. Jealousy
  3. Anxious behavior
  4. Smothering
  5. Insecurities

And a whole lot more.

The first thing you need to do is to figure out whether your trust issues are because your partner is not trust-able

…OR these are anxiety and insecurity issues inside of you.

Then you have to work on getting reconnected to your partner.

I’ll tell you more about how to do that in a bit.

#2. Your Communication Sucks

This is another one of those very common reasons relationships start to fall apart.

If you’re not communicating well, then you’re not going to be able to meet each other’s needs.

You’re always going to have misunderstandings and a deep breakdown of connection.

Communication is one of the most important factors in a relationship because it’s how you navigate with your partner

If your communication isn’t in sync and compatible, you will definitely have problems.

And eventually, you will turn to a therapist or counselor to help you with them.

But chances are it will be too late.

Make sure you’re always working on your communication.

Not just with your romantic partner, but with everyone in your life.

#3. You are on different maps/timetables

Sometimes it just happens that we are on different time schedules, or in different places in our life.

The timing is just wrong.

It can be hard to see this when you want a relationship to work.

But sometimes the situation is out of your control and you just need to walk away.

And sometimes you meet in the same place but you’re going at different speeds.

So you fall out of step with each other.

He might be going slower, and you might be moving faster towards your relationship goals.

You have to decide for yourself if you’re willing and patient enough to go at your partner’s speed.

Sometimes this means you have different priorities at the moment.

You may want to start a family, but he wants to start a business.

This will be something you must navigate and negotiate along the way if you want it to work.

#4. You’re just not a match

Very frequently, I see couples that get together and start a relationship.

But they didn’t ever stop to really make sure the other person was right for them.

One or both of them was just desperate to get into a relationship as fast as they could.

So they threw their needs out the window and ignored how wrong this person was for them.

They might have been seeking relief from anxiety, or from loneliness. But for whatever reason, they didn’t choose well.

If each person in a relationship is completely healthy, then they could probably start a relationship with almost anybody.

But compatibility is a huge issue if you are not in a whole and healthy place with your own self-esteem and self-worth.

One of the biggest love myths out there is that love conquers everything.

The good news is, that there are relationship advice that you can execute to repair the damage.

fixing a broken relationship

#1. Talk about what’s going on

The first step is to talk about what’s wrong.

You need to express your feelings and needs in a way that is respectful and non-blaming.

If you can’t do that, I recommends seeing a therapist or counselor who can help you learn how to communicate effectively.

#2. Make time for each other

One of the biggest reasons relationships fail is because couples don’t make time for each other.

Life gets busy and before you know it, you’re living parallel lives under the same roof.

You need to make time for each other—time to talk, time to connect.

#3. Be willing to compromise

In any relationship, there are going to be times when you have to compromise.

You might not always get your way, but that’s OK.

The important thing is that you’re both willing to give a little.

#4. Learn to forgive

If you want your relationship to thrive, you need to learn to forgive.

We all make mistakes—we’re only human.

The key is to not hold onto the anger and resentment.

If you can learn to let go, it will do wonders for your relationship.

#5. Don’t take each other for granted

One of the easiest ways to kill a relationship is to take your partner for granted.

We all need to feel valued and appreciated.

If you stop doing the things that made your partner fall in love with you in the first place, don’t be surprised if they start to look elsewhere.

#6. Keep the romance alive

Another common mistake couples make is letting the romance die.

It’s important to keep the spark alive.

Do the things you used to do when you were first dating—go on dates, have fun together, show each other how much you care.

#7. Work as a team

In any relationship, it’s important to remember that you’re on the same team.

You’re in this together, so you need to work together to make it work.

That means being supportive, understanding, and helpful—even when you don’t feel like it.

#8. Don’t try to change each other

One of the biggest mistakes couples make is trying to change each other all in the name of duty and responsibility forgetting that it is a romantic relationship at the end of the day.

You need to accept each other—flaws and all.

If you can learn to love and accept each other just as you are, it will do wonders for your relationship.

#9. Communicate, communicate, communicate

If there’s one piece of advice that experts agree on, it’s that communication is key to a successful relationship… to put more accurately… EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION.

You need to be able to talk to each other—about everything.

The more you communicate, the closer you’ll become .

#10. Develop Listening Skills

It is impossible to avoid arguments in any relationship. 

And in those moments, it is equally impossible to prevent different perspectives of understanding right and wrong and ways of solving problems. 

In such circumstances, there is no limit on what is required to be said and heard by both parties, which is necessary.

Because sometimes, or most of the time, the conversation becomes so fierce that the very limit of speaking is violated.

Due to a lack of listening ability, you take some such steps in anger which directly damages the relationship. 

#11. Accepting the Circumstances and Your Partner

Circumstances can never be right and wrong in relationships.

Didn’t you see people coming together in bad times?

Haven’t you noticed people make or break in bad times? 

If you look at history, you will find hundreds of examples where people came together in worse conditions, whether WWI or WWII.

Whether it’s raising a voice against racism or sexism.

People always came together to face the storm and grow out of them. 

It is all up to our belief whether we can adapt to the circumstances or not. 

We should always learn from bad times and always make good use of good times.

That’s the key to getting along with your partner.

#12. The Initiative Is Crucial to Overcome Relationship Struggles

Whether your relationship is on the verge of breaking or you are going through many troubles, if you want to stay with your partner and feel that everything will be right after a while, then the initiative you take to repair your relationship is always proven effective. 

After a big fight, if you take the initiative and make your partner feel that they are more important than your needs, then believe that your initiative is commendable enough to strengthen your relationship.

The initiative will always be needed to keep the relationship successful and constantly fresh; a good initiative always brings closeness.

#13. Apologize To Restore the Relationship

One of the hallmarks of a bad relationship is that both sides see apologizing as their weakness, due to which they feel hesitant to apologize even if they want.

According to the study, ‘The Psychology of offering an Apology by Karina Schumann it’s proposed that the reasons why people hesitate to offer an apology or high-quality apologies are,

  1. Low concern for the victim or relationship,
  2. The perceived threat to self-image,
  3. And perceived apology ineffectiveness.

But, if you want to fix your relationship, you must rise above these barriers.

Because if you don’t, what you do is end the 1% scope of repairing a broken relationship. 

To cherish any relationship, it is as essential to apologize as to give forgiveness; it is precisely the same as washing and drying cloth.

Here, both water and sunlight make the cloth wearable.

Similarly, both apologizing and offering forgiveness make the relationship believable.

But be sure to be clear on why you are apologizing and ensure you’ve taken enough time to assess what went wrong; be intentional.

#14. Understand Your Moral, Social, and Personal Circle

Even though your relationship is going through a bad phase – facing trust issues, anxiety, separation, etc., if you are fulfilling your moral responsibility towards your partner, you are trying to take your relationship in the right direction. 

Here you have a sense of moral obligation and personal or social commitments. 

You know how to fulfill all these responsibilities well, then understand that you have almost saved your relationship from being ruined. 

Because responsibilities always give strength, courage, and the ability to understand right and wrong.

And if you have all this in you, you will not let anything go wrong.

#15. Be Sure to Give Opportunities to Build Trust to Improve the Relationship

Trust issues in a relationship can never blossom a tree of love.

Therefore, in a broken relationship, it is necessary to create such opportunities to build trust between both parties, which can instill a sense of confidence in both parties towards each other. 

And it’s not that it takes a lot of effort to build trust, it’s just small things that ensure that you have unwavering faith in your partner. 

For example, if you have life insurance and your partner is a nominee in it, or they are your partner in any of your big projects, or you take your partner’s advice for small household needs.

Now it comes to how do you determine the opportunities to build trust?

Well to build trust you need combined forces of different human fundamental aspects.

You cannot build trust all alone.

And the aspects are, 

  1. Transparency.
  2. Respect and…
  3. Loyalty.

Without these, it’s impossible to trust or build it in any given situation.

Let’s discuss each in detail. 

#16. Loyalty Is Essential to Keep Yourself Away From a Damaged Relationship

You have to be loyal to your partner to mend a deteriorating relationship because you must understand that hurting feelings will prove fatal for any relationship.

If you are lying to your partner or have a relationship with someone else, then understand that you are not paying attention to your partner’s needs

You don’t care if your infidelity can lead to your partner getting depressed and how bad the outcome will be.

If you are not loyal to your partner, then understand that you do not respect your relationship at all.

And where there is no respect, there’s no love.

And where there’s no love, there’s no relationship.

It has been destroyed.

Also, if you’re not loyal, you cannot expect your partner to be loyal.

Once you cross your line, they might probably cross as well. 

And thus, you’ve both entered the phase of a broken relationship.

#17. Controlling and Managing Your Expectations

If the ambition and expectations start exceeding the limit in any relationship, whether the relationship of friendship, husband-wife, or business, then understand that the seeds of condemnation, neglect, and hatred have been planted in that relationship. 

It is essential to regulate and control the expectations to live in harmony because the human mind always craves to get something new and thrilled.

And this craving starts to take away that person from his/her loved ones. 

The person begins to remain irritable… resentment

He starts to force his people to satisfy his craving which further gives birth to instability in the relationship. 

When his expectations don’t get fulfilled, he starts to blame his people.

Both the parties in the relationship should set their expectations according to their partner’s economic, social, and family situation.

This situation can be better controlled by mutual coordination.

#18. Do Not Take Any Wrong Decisions Under Stress or Anger

When the relationship starts deteriorating, it is natural for the person associated with that relationship to go into depression.

But can that person improve his relationship by making some wrong decisions due to depression? 

You should answer this.

What’s your mind saying?

What’s your first reaction? 

I believe it’s NO.

By taking a bad decision, you are harming yourself and the people you love.

Instead of fixing your relationship with one wrong decision, you are on the contrary worsening it even more. 

In a deteriorating relationship, the person makes some bad decisions, such as drinking or getting intoxicated, abusing the partner, harming them, trying to hurt himself, not showing respect to the people in the relationship, adopting bad habits, etc. 

Due to even more wrong decisions, a person tends to end the relationship forever.

And from there, it becomes tough to improve the relationship. 

Therefore, make every noble effort to fix your relationship with thoughtfulness so that your relationship becomes stronger… be intentional.

#19. Seek professional help

If you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to be working, it may be time to seek professional help.

A professional can help you learn how to communicate effectively, resolve conflict, and deal with other issues that may be affecting your relationship.

While it’s not always easy, repairing the damage in a relationship is possible—if you’re willing to put in the work.

With patience, understanding, and a little effort, you and your partner can get back on track and build a stronger, more intimate connection.

What makes a healthy relationship?

how to fix a broken relationship

Every relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons.

Part of what defines a healthy relationship is sharing a common goal for exactly what you want the relationship to be and where you want it to go.

And that’s something you’ll only know by talking deeply and honestly with your partner.

However, there are also some characteristics that most healthy relationships have in common.

Knowing these basic principles can help keep your relationship meaningful, fulfilling, and exciting whatever goals you’re working towards or challenges you’re facing together.

A. You maintain a meaningful emotional connection with each other. 

You each make the other feel loved and emotionally fulfilled.

There’s a difference between being loved and feeling loved.

When you feel loved, it makes you feel accepted and valued by your partner, like someone truly gets you.

Some relationships get stuck in peaceful coexistence, but without the partners truly relating to each other emotionally.

While the union may seem stable on the surface, a lack of ongoing involvement and emotional connection serves only to add distance between two people.

B. You’re not afraid of (respectful) disagreement.

Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree.

The key to a strong relationship, though, is not to be fearful of conflict.

You need to feel safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation, or insisting on being right.

C. You keep outside relationships and interests alive.

Despite the claims of romantic fiction or movies, no one person can meet all of your needs.

In fact, expecting too much from your partner can put unhealthy pressure on a relationship.

Learn about marriage counseling…

To stimulate and enrich your romantic relationship, it’s important to sustain your own identity outside of the relationship, preserve connections with family and friends, and maintain your hobbies and interests.

D. You communicate openly and honestly.

Good and effective communication is a key part of any relationship.

When both people know what they want from the relationship and feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears, and desires,

…it can increase trust and strengthen the bond between you.

In Conclusion…

Good, healthy relationships will sometimes be challenging.

But it’s all worth it.

You and your partner put yourselves through the challenge for the good things that come from a relationship.

Remember that this is always the case, even during the best phases of a relationship.

The challenge is further amplified during or after a separation.

Our faulty ideas of love, alone, won’t keep a relationship functioning.

It needs care and attention to allow both partners to grow and develop throughout its course.

A relationship can’t stay like it is during the first stages, skillful partnership will be required to make things work.

A healthy relationship will only happen if both people are prepared to work at the outcome, making sure all of the key elements work.

The most difficult challenges can be overcome with two people working together, for the mutual good.

If you have been going through difficult times, it can be hard to get a perspective on things.

Buy the course…

It’s possible to do this with logical, sensible thinking.

Remember that the person you love has not disappeared, no matter what the circumstances.

You must reconnect with that person, allowing them to reconnect to you, in order to build or rebuild a solid, healthy relationship.

The main reasons why relationships fail are loss of trust, poor communication, lack of respect, a difference in priorities, and little intimacy.

A common trajectory for the end of a relationship is the slow tapering-off; a protracted period of tell-tale signs and wilful denial, as motivation to patch things up dwindles in one or both partners. A sudden, sharp break can feel more shocking, but it’s also clearer.

A toxic relationship is one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked. On a basic level, any relationship that makes you feel worse rather than better can become toxic over time.

5 Physical Attraction Signs A Happy Partner Will Show 💔

To be clear, we are not talking about physical features like brown or blue eyes, big bum and so on and so forth.

We are talking about behavioral signals a partner will show or do physically when they are attracted to you sexually.

When my husband and I started dating back in 2004, we clicked in so many ways but one obvious way was the sexual attraction.

He held my hands at every chance he got starting from the first date.

But as soon as we got married, things changed and it was confusing.

I was still sexually attracted to him and he continued to show signs that he was.

But I started to question the authenticity of the attraction signals because it was conflicting with how I felt I was being treated.

So what we are going to share with you are just physical signs of sexual attraction… but not necessarily the health of the underlying relationship of your marriage.

My name is LOLA and I am the co-author of the book

GET MY MARRIAGE BACK with my husband OLA

…which you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

You will also see an opportunity to book a free 30 minutes coaching session with us.

Let’s go, husband.

This is OLA.

Let’s dive right into it.

Sign #5 – Patience & Time

PREVIOUS POST: The Secret To Respect in Marriage 💔

The greatest gift anyone can give to you is time. 

But it’s even greater when they are willing to be patient with you but here is the mistake that most people in a marriage make.

They move as if their partner owes them something but reality tells us otherwise when betrayal happens.

So one of the greatest signs that your partner is probably physically attracted to you is an obvious willingness to share their time with you.

Sometimes, that’s in the form of patience.

Sign #4 – Can’t Stop Smiling

When attraction increases, the chemicals such as oxytocin and dopamine rises in level.

Physically, this can be reflected in how your partner smiles at every chance they get around you.

I know what you are thinking.

Your spouse could be smiling for many other reasons right?

While that may be true, smiling is a form of vulnerability and it goes a long way when your partner feels free to smile in your presence on a consistent basis.

Believe it or not, this is a sign of physical attraction because sex in general starts way before the bedroom.

Sign #3 – Consistent Gifts of Value

TRENDING: 5 Signs Your wife is NOT Attracted to You ❤️

I know. Everyone’s love language is not necessarily “giving gifts”. 

But as usual, we are taking the 5 love languages out of context.

The point we are making here is the simple fact that gifts can also come in intangible forms.

When a person is consistently willing to give (even if it’s just emotionally) into a relationship with you, that becomes a clear physical sign of attraction.

Consistency never happens without a larger than life purpose behind it.

But it’s in layers as well.

However the first layer is the fact that consistent gifts is a physical sign of high sexual and polar attraction between two consenting adults.

In the next lesson, we are going to talk about the secret to consistent high attraction in your marriage.

So be sure to like, subscribe and comment for the highest chance of getting notified when we release that lesson.

Sign #2 – Long Conversations About Nothing

Ok. Not necessarily about nothing. But the fact that your conversations with the person you love don’t feel like conversations about nothing is the point.

The real test is the opinions of others about these conversations.  

If you are self aware enough, you could also imagine observing another couple who can sit down and talk for no reason without it being a toxic argument camouflaged as a debate.

Another litmus test is to consider how many other people do you have these long conversations with?

The bottom line is that you have to feel a certain level of security and vulnerability to be having long conversations consistently with the same person.

It is a sign of physical attraction especially when combined with two of the other signs.

Sign #1 – The PDA

PDA stands for public display of affection such as hand holding, cuddling, flirting, pecks and kisses even in public among the gathering of others.

When people are committed in a marriage, they can still show affection even long beyond feeling sexy as a respect to the sanctity of marriage.

But they are very quick to discard the PDA.  So if there is still PDA, that is a sign of physical attraction.

The Main Lesson

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

This is not an exhaustive competitive list of signs..

But they are the bare minimum one should expect from a couple who are still physically and sexually attracted to each other.

Sometimes, one person may generally not be the affectionate type. But that’s essentially what was bargained for by the other.

Use these 5 signs as a yardstick with respect to what you already know about your spouse.

Blushing, cuddling, flirting, looking into each others’ eyes, hand holding, spanking her bum in the kitchen while she’s cooking and many more are all part of it.

But these are only good when they are mutual, earned and appreciated.

Anything short of that will become manipulation and will smother the other party and push them further away.

If you are unsure about the level of physical attraction of your spouse towards you…

… (likely to be the reason why you are receiving this lesson), you need to learn how to seduce your partner first if you don’t want to come off as awkward.

Check out the video on the screen to learn more about the other nuances of seduction and attraction in a marriage.

My Wife Is Never In The Mood Anymore 💔

In this lesson, you will discover 5 things to do if your wife is just never in the mood for intimacy and sex anymore.

The other day, we got this in the email at [email protected] from Jerry.

He said…

“My wife did the ‘I’m not in the mood’ for weeks at a time.  

One day I got tired of it.  

When she asked me to empty the kitchen trash can, (one of my duties normally) I told her…

‘Ya know, I would but I’m just not in the mood.’

Then she said…

That’s silly.  You don’t have to be in the mood in order to take out the garbage.

I responded ‘Yep, and YOU don’t have to be in the mood in order to have sex.

Worked like a charm.”

So as usual, we’ve decided to turn this to a lesson moment for all of us.

My name is LOLA and I am the co-author of the book

GET MY MARRIAGE BACK with my husband OLA

…which you can download for free at

 www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

You will also see an opportunity to book a coaching session with us.

This is OLA.

We review so many of these types of cases and we can bet $100,000 on it that Jerry is a half-truth-teller with that part of the method working like a charm.

These are the 5 things to do immediately before you lose your wife to another man out there.

Thing #5 – Mood is a Symptom

PREVIOUS POST: My Wife Loves Me But Doesn’t Desire Me 💔

The easiest route to go if your wife has not been in the sexiest mood for weeks in a row is to become a victim.

But there is a problem with that.

Playing the victim and retaining power simply don’t go together.

If you don’t want to be the leader in the marriage, it’s absolutely okay to play the victim and throw temper tantrums.

The hardest route is the most rewarding route that will allow you to exit the blueballism zone.

So the first thing you need to do is to realize that her mood is a symptom.

Instead of becoming a small two years old boy like Jerry, I want you to become excited about finding the underlying condition that created the “no mood” symptom

You will be shocked at how easy it is to resolve it.

Not only will you resolve it, you will now possess the key to do it over and over for the rest of your life; highly rewarding.

Thing #4 – She is Wrong But…

I want you to reject that approach because it is going to work against your marriage.

Rights and wrongs are irrelevant in romantic relationships because…

In love and war all is fair.

Think about it.

You have two adults coming together against all odds into a 99.9% chance of hurting each other; though sometimes unintentionally.

If you weren’t married, a trashcan could be sitting there for hours, after it is needed to be disposed-of because you waited for the right mood.

So she was wrong. 

But here is the “but”.  That’s irrelevant.

You are married to your wife as a choice.

So that makes you guilty of the same exact thing you are complaining about if we were to go the “who is wrong” route.

Is she being unfair? 

We can argue that but if your focus is how wrong she is, it’s only natural for you to hold resentment against her.

As you are now realizing, no good is going to come out of that approach.  

So does that make Jerry right?

Thing #3 – You Are Right But…

TRENDING: 5 Signs Your Husband Repulses You Sexually & What To Do

But your partner is also right.

At least they have the right to claim that they are right so this is just another toxic argument.

Everything you just learned about “being wrong” as an approach to judging your partner is also applicable to “being right.”

But this is not a race to be right.

This is about your marriage and your wife not being in the mood to make love to you.

Actually, it’s more-so about your inability to get your wife in the mood.

I know it comes off as unfair to expect you to make all the effort in bed but that’s not what I am talking about and remember that all is fair.

What could make a wife come to a husband she wants to make love to and claim “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.”

Does she really want it or not? 

Instead of worrying about your wife not being in the mood, I want you to figure out what happened behind the scenes psychologically without expecting her to be able to tell you.

In the next lesson, you will discover how to reverse “I don’t love you” or “I’m not in love with you anymore” without being a douchebag like Jerry.

For now, here is what I want you to do. 

Stop trying to compete to be “right.”

That’s precisely how to be a loser as a husband.

Don’t get defensive. These things play out very subtly and it doesn’t make you a bad person.

So now that we’ve figured out that this isn’t about “right and wrongs” or “black and white”, what else can Jerry do to get his wife in the mood?

Thing #2 – Seed Nurture Harvest

This is a concept used in agriculture that is absolutely applicable in all romantic relationships; especially in a marriage.

Within the first two years of marriage, everything is exciting and new. That’s easy.

When your wife starts to tell you she is not in the mood, you have two choices.

You can take it as an opportunity to engage in highly rewarding work or suck on your thumbs around the house like Jerry.

I want you to go with the first choice.

Find out how you can make her life easy, and turn it into seeds to nurture. The nurturing has to be consistent and you have to be patient.

Your wife’s mood is not some machine to switch on and off at will.  

You have to be patient and that patience will be tested as well.  Your consistency becomes practice and it gets easier if you are patient.

Thing #1 – Give Her Time

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

Most women will multiply a sense of safety and security back into you as sex and unlimited nurturing.

If she feels heard, you can penetrate everything.

Making sure she feels heard is a whole skill set beyond just listening as a one time event.

Like we’ve said, this is very hard but highly rewarding once you get into the cruise zone.

Give her time to capture your effort and spend that time on self development and improvement.

The Main Lesson

You reap what you sow.  It doesn’t make it your fault but it does give you leverage to turn things around.

But I agree that it will take humility and a longer term outlook than you are used to.

Check out this video on the screen for more information about that.

💔 5 Steps to Reverse “I Don’t Love You Anymore”

“I don’t love you anymore.” The point of no return right?

Chris did not see this one coming…

But with the amount of cases and marriage issues that we review from time to time, these issues do not just fall out of the skies.

So I asked Chris,

“Are you telling me that your wife has never complained before telling you she doesn’t love you anymore?”

Then he goes…

“I mean… she’s complained about a few minor things that were no big deals. Why are women inconsiderate with reality though?”

I asked him if he asked the question exactly like that to his wife. 

He went on and on about how she nagged constantly about quality time.

“So what do you want Chris?” I asked,

He said, “I need her to stop nagging because frankly, I’ve got bills to worry about.”

So I asked… “You don’t care about seducing her into falling in love with you again?”

“Seduction? What are we? Teenagers?”

And then I answered with another question…

“Do you want an answer to that or do you want to reverse this terrible experience with your marriage?”

Like many people in modern marriages, Chris is confused and we want to share the 5 steps we shared with him to reverse 

“I don’t love you anymore.”

My name is LOLA and I am the co-author of the book

GET MY MARRIAGE BACK 

…with my husband OLA

…which you can download for free at:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

You will also see an opportunity to book a coaching session with us.

This is OLA

Step 1 – Accept It

PREVIOUS POST: 💔 5 Steps To Dealing With a Disrespectful Wife

The usual confusion here is when people feel like accepting reality equals agreement to being wrong or to the experience they are trying to avoid.

If you feel this way, you are essentially focused on the wrong thing.

You would be actively defending yourself but not your relationship.

The reason why you should accept reality is because it is reality; it simply is.

It will also conclude this phase of the present funk a lot quicker than being stubborn about nothing.

I know like most people, you probably have a corrupted version of reality.

Can you at least accept the reality of the fact that your partner just expressed that they are no longer in love with you?

When your spouse comes to you and tells you he or she is no longer in love with you, the easiest route to take for most humans is to get defensive.

So it’s key in this key moment to rise above the norm and by doing so, your spouse will wonder and that’s the equivalent to building attraction back.

That is a scientific fact.

Accept it because frankly, you cannot claim that your spouse had not been complaining if your case is like the typical cases that we review daily.

Simply respond with…

“I understand. Let me know if and when you are ready to talk and work on it.”

This is easier said than done but it works like magic.

Step 2 – Listen

Most people have talked their spouse to death of attraction all in the name of communication.

The purpose of listening is not just to hear your spouse out.  It’s a lot more spiritual and deeper than hearing.

In fact, the purpose is to make him or especially her feel heard and safe again.

So for step 2, I want you to listen with an intention to seduce and make him or her feel heard.

I want you to mimic what your spouse is saying back to him or her like this.

“So I am hearing you say, you feel I haven’t been as considerate as I used to be?

Tell me more… Really… wow”

You are effectively investing interest into your partner that they will inevitably return back to you in folds in time.

If your spouse is especially used to you often feeling attacked and defensive, this will create a new and exciting dynamic to make them wonder what is happening.

That’s equivalent to seduction and building attraction back up.

Effective seduction and communication is 80% active listening, 10% ensuring understanding with your words and 10% sharing how you feel.

If your spouse doesn’t feel heard, they are simply not capable of truly hearing how you feel anyway.

I know what you are thinking.

“So my feelings don’t matter?”

Step 3 – Identify Why

TRENDING: 15 Warning Signs Your Wife Doesn’t Love You & How to Attract Her Back ❤️

The worst thing you want to do is get stuck in your feelings and apply too much energy into reacting to your feeling (the symptom) and abandoning the underlying disease right?

We also know that you are in love or obsession because rejection breeds obsession.  This is a scientific fact again.

When a person says to you that they are no longer in love with you, it’s easy to interpret that as the absence of love because it feels like a smack to the face.

This experience can also give you an illusion that you are in love. 

The in-Love experience is more of a “feeling” of affection… even if your spouse is telling you straight up that they hate you.

That is still an expression of passion and evidence of caring… at least about something that involves the both of you.  

What you don’t want is for your spouse to be indifferent.

That will be the true point of no return.

So it is actually natural that a person that may have been with you over a period of time will occasionally fall in and out of love.

How much more if he or she has been complaining of bad experience at any level over a period of time?

If your spouse is a human being like the rest of us, falling out of love is actually very natural especially if they’ve not been feeling heard or significant in your relationship.

It may even have nothing to do with you.

Falling out of love is just how he or she feels “at this moment”. 

Avoid making it a bigger deal than it is.

Instead, assess the data you collected during your listening exercise and focus on identifying the “why” and the role you played in deteriorating the attraction level in your marriage.

Remember, it’s not a matter of FAULT… This is seduction.

I have to share the 2 most important steps with you. 

But note that in the next lesson, I will share more about seduction, effective listening, collecting data and turning them to useful information (a.k.a THE WHY).

So be sure to subscribe and beat up the like button to tell the algorithm that we are giving goodies away over here. 

Thank you so much in advance.

So what else?

Step 4 – Adjust

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

You go to a relationship to give; not give and take.  I know you are probably hearing that for the first time but trust me.

Adjusting doesn’t mean that you are succumbing to a lesser role.  It actually means you are “leading” and seducing your spouse back in love with you.

The idea is not to become another person. 

It’s more so about engaging the existing power that you already have in that relationship in a way that benefits the relationship.

What needs to be adjusted is how you show up so that you can attract better love experience and expression.

Step 5 – Patience

It took time to get here. It will take time to get him or her to fall back in love with you.

How long?

It depends on a few factors but what you should focus on is becoming a better self that will attract a better in-love and real love experience.

You can’t afford to pour from an empty cup; you will get burnt out and your partner will unintentionally test you a few times before feeling safe and secure again.

Watch the in-love experience creep back into your relationship slowly but surely.

The Main Lesson

The more engaged in your personal purpose and life mission you are, the easier this process will be.

As we’ve said, this process will be tested.

So spiritual strength, personal purpose and self development are necessary ingredients for smooth recovery from “I don’t love you anymore.”

Watch the next video on the screen for more about that.


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