I received this question about a man who wants to make his wife stop divorce after they are already separated.
“She said [I don’t want to continue].
We were under pressure due to being in the middle of moving to Canada but we were in our schedule and plan.
We had good sex, happy weekend, and I love her and she always said [I love you].
After separation, we went to counseling and he said [the issues that your wife mentioned can be solved and these are no huge problems.]
A few family members that I spoke with had the same idea that these problems are not the kind of problems that make a marriage.
I did whatever she wanted during the 10 months.
We have two daughters and I cannot imagine how our marriage is falling apart.
She has not filed for divorce yet but she said she will.
I don’t know; How should I stop her.”
Here are 5 tips to give this gentleman the best chance of stopping the divorce and calling off the separation based on his email.
1 – Confidence
You can’t stop someone from filing a divorce but you can use reverse psychology to attract her back with confidence.
2 – Self Love
Also, by first loving yourself
If you think you can physically stop her or bribe her to stop the divorce, it won’t work and if it did, it will work against you.
Because the same reason why she wants to leave you is probably still there.
3 – Listen without Judgement.
It’s a sign that you have not been listening when you narrate a story that seems like a sudden jump from a happy marriage to an unhappy marriage.
You and I cannot solve a problem that we have not identified.
4 – Identify & Acknowledge the Expressed Problem
If she said she didn’t want to continue 10 months ago, that’s the evidence that there was problem even if you are not necessarily the cause of the problem
A lot of men especially are oblivious.
This gentleman thought everything was good and on schedule, because they were having good sex and expressed liver verbally to each other.
But maybe you have a wife that basically wants to protect your feelings and won’t really speak her mind like most women.
It’s not an uncommon problem to not have paid attention to these common issues in a marriage; there were issues and you just didn’t know.
She may love you but she probably hasn’t been in love with you for a while.
ON THE PREVIOUS POST: 5 Signs Your wife is NOT Attracted to You ❤️https://lolaandola.com/signs-my-wife-is-not-attracted-to-me/
5 – Never Involve Extended Family Members
This is one of the problems.
Washing your dirty laundry in public will magnify the symptoms of the underlying issue in your marriage.
Speaking to extended family members about your significant other is definitely an abomination that you will pay for with shame.
That will make your situation worse than it already is.
While you may have just been in the heat of a moment when reporting to your extended family member, they will get the chance to get out of the funk of that moment.
When you’ve resolved your issues with your spouse, they are stuck in it and will continue to directly or most commonly indirectly instigate more problems for your marriage.
They have a natural bias and it can be for or again either spouse; even the fact that they feel the need to suppress biases becomes a bias.
All of these make your issues get bigger and bigger.
You want to make sure that your extended family always experiences your highlights and happiness only; it doesn’t mean you have to pretend.
Just make it a point and your responsibility to discourage washing dirty laundry in public as your extended family has now become public.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24
You will end up destroying your marriage if you do not heed to this advice; I’ve been there done that…
They will single-handedly (with your help) destroy your marriage for you; not their fault, you invited them and gave them the pass.
TRENDING POST: “CAN ONE SPOUSE STOP DIVORCE ⁉️” ❤️
Conclusion
There is no such thing as “small and petty” issues in a marriage; in fact, the smaller the issue is, the more it can slowly surely kill a marriage.
They are all real issues because these are emotional matters that can destroy a marriage 10 years before it manifests in real life.
That’s why your spouse can still love, make love and participate until the seemingly sudden shut off from the marriage.
You must learn effective communication which is dominated by effective listening in your marriage; it’s listening to emotions.
If all you are doing is listening to the words, you will end up feeling like you’ve done all that your spouse asked for and still feel inadequate.
You will manipulate more than actually attracting your spouse to love you unconditionally and finding delight in making you happy.
Listening indefinitely
- Without an agenda
- Without a need to reply or respond
- Without retaliation and attacks
- Without being defensive
Listening in patience works 100% of the time in your favor and most likely in the favor of your marriage because your spouse will feel heard.
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: Get My Marriage Back (PHYSICAL BOOK)
Bonus – Pattern Interruption
Whatever you have been doing is not working so it’s time to back off a little and let your spouse come back to you.
Most likely, you are coming off as predictable which means your spouse knows everything about you and how you feel about the issues.
The attraction is low (about 6 or 7 on a scale of 1 to 10) right now.
Spend the next 30 days reading this book “Get My Marriage Back” which you can download for free as a PDF…. learn how.
When your spouse wonders about you, it’s the equivalence of a rising level of attraction between the two of you.
Your spouse doesn’t have control of that; nature does.
Divorce being filed or not is irrelevant; the worst case scenario is that she may have to marry you again… focus on building yourself and allow God to work on her.
Inevitably, you will attract the love you deserve and not necessarily desire unless you do the work.
