Intimacy in Marriage

“Intimacy” includes physical closeness and to many, this quickly gets translated to mean a sexual relationship.

Of course, married love includes sex, as it should, but long-married couples will often relate that the sexual part of their relationship is only one of many ways they are intimate with each other.

Other forms of intimacy are emotional, intellectual, heart-to-heart conversations, working together at common goals, and spiritual intimacy. True marital intimacy usually involves being honest with your spouse and allowing yourself to be vulnerable.

Because you know your spouse well and trust him/her not to hurt you, you are willing to give yourself completely and risk the unknown.

In emotional intimacy, a couple shares their joys, fears, frustrations, sorrows, and, yes, anger with each other. This doesn’t mean that spouses yell and scream at each other- or, worse, hit each other- but it does mean that hard feelings can be shared, too. The challenge is to find ways to do this respectfully.

It can be scary at times to let down one’s emotional guard, but when trust is developed over time, it feels safe. Emotional intimacy is one of the strongest bonders in a marriage.

It is violated when a spouse shares intimate thoughts and feelings with a friend, co-worker, or on- line. This can feel like a betrayal even though it doesn’t involve sexual infidelity.

The 4 Types of Intimacy

Before you can work on intimacy in marriage, it’s important to understand the four main types: emotional, intellectual, sexual, and experiential intimacy. Let’s explore these in terms of how they apply to a romantic relationship:

  • Emotional intimacy: People experience emotional intimacy when they feel comfortable sharing their feelings—good and bad—with each other. For example, you tell your spouse that you feel insecure about your body after gaining a few pounds.
  • Intellectual intimacy: When it comes to intellectual intimacy, people feel safe sharing their ideas and opinions, even when they don’t see eye to eye on the matter. For example, you and your spouse discuss your personal political opinions, even though you follow different parties.
  • Sexual intimacy: Sexual intimacy occurs when people engage in sensual or sexual activities. For example, your spouse pulls you in close, lifts your chin, and kisses you passionately.
  • Experiential intimacy: People engage in experiential intimacy when they bond during day-to-day activities or work together to accomplish a mission. For example, you help your spouse fix the flat tire on your car, handing her the tools she needs.

Again, intimacy in marriage is about forming a bond and developing an unequivocal closeness. Naturally, as we get to know someone we’re romantically interested in, we both explore and fulfill emotional, intellectual, sexual, and experiential intimacy. But as we get closer and more comfortable with the other individual, that intimacy can die down.

Keep the Flame Alive: Tips

Don’t worry. If you and your spouse are lacking that emotional, intellectual, sexual, or experiential intimacy, you can find that spark again. Here are 5 tips that will help you to improve every type of intimacy in marriage:

1. Seek out new experiences.

As we touched on earlier, intimacy isn’t just about a physical connection. It’s also about closeness and familiarity. With that in mind, one of the best ways to improve intimacy with your spouse is to revel in new experiences. For example, you could embark on a major project together like renovating or flipping a house. Or, you might consider adding a new member to your family and adopting a dog! If you aren’t ready for such commitments, you could book a trip to an unfamiliar country and explore its depths together. These experiences are designed to challenge you—they’ll force you two to work closely together, and maybe even argue or despise each other along the way, all while ultimately solidifying your bond further and improving intimacy in your marriage. 

2. Relish in your comfort and connection.

When we first start dating someone, everything is new and exciting. We experience intense emotions as we get to know the individual and become intimate with each other. Over time, though, this novelty and excitement lessen. While this can be disappointing, there is a flip side: the connection is deeper than ever before, signified by the comfort you feel in each other’s company. So, you can improve your intimacy with your spouse by thinking back to the initial stages of your relationship, appreciating its development, and relishing in just how comfortable you feel with your spouse. This is key to fostering intimacy in marriage. 

3. Change up your routine.

On the other hand, it’s also helpful to switch up your routine every now and then to induce those intense emotions again. Go out of your way to do the unexpected and surprise your spouse. For example, book a weekend getaway and have everything ready to go—book the hotel, pack the bags, fill the car up with gas. You can also change up your routine and improve intimacy by spending a little time apart. There’s nothing wrong with taking separate trips every now and then. This will give you the chance to miss each other and you’ll feel happy and excited when you’re reunited. 

4. Maintain good avenues of communication.

Often, we don’t set aside time to have a proper conversation with our spouse—be it about the love we have for them or, on the other hand, a problem in the relationship. However, maintaining good avenues of communication can supplement our effort to improve intimacy in marriage and to keep the flame alive Adina Mahalli, certified relationship consultant and sexual health expert, explains: “Relationships are constant work and can fall apart if there isn’t effort put in to maintain it. Small things go a long way while maintaining intimacy, and resentment can build up quickly if there are not good avenues of communication,” Mahalli explains. “Knowing and explaining to your partner on a regular basis why you’re in love with them and how you feel about them is another way to keep the flame burning. Disagreeing is also an important aspect of any relationship. Being able to calmly and respectfully tell your partner the issues you’re having is essential for maintaining intimacy. Silence is the silent killer of relationships.”

5. Demonstrate your love and support often.

Make a habit out of showing your spouse that you love, care for, and support them. Many of us assume or insist that our partners know we love them—but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t remind our spouses through both our words and our actions on a regular basis. For example, when your spouse gets home from work, look into their eyes and then kiss them. Ask how their day was. Put gas in their car. Write a cute message for them to find on the whiteboard in the kitchen. Find small ways to remind them that you care. This will help to improve with your spouse and keep that flame burning indefinitely. 

How Can You Fix Intimacy Issues?

If you’re having intimacy issues in your marriage, there are a few things you can do to try to improve the situation. Intimacy is about so much more than just sex, but that doesn’t mean that sex isn’t important. If you and your spouse are struggling with intimacy, it may be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor who can help you work through the underlying issues. Here are a few other things that may help:

1. Talk about your needs and expectations.

If you’re not happy with the level of intimacy in your marriage, it’s important to talk about it with your spouse. Discuss your needs and expectations for intimacy in your relationship. This can be a difficult conversation, but it’s important to have if you want things to improve.

2. Make time for each other.

Intimacy requires time and effort. If you want to improve intimacy in your marriage, you need to make time for each other. This means setting aside time for date nights, weekends away, or just time to spend together without distractions. You may also need to get creative if you have kids. Intimacy doesn’t always have to mean sex—it can also be about cuddling, talking, or just spending time together.

3. Be willing to try new things.

If you’re in a rut, it may be helpful to spice things up and try new things. This could mean anything from trying new positions or experimenting with new techniques to adding some excitement to your sex life by incorporating toys or role-play.

4. Seek help from a professional. 

It can be tough to fix intimacy problems without professional assistance. It’s often more efficient to work with a couple’s therapist to solve these issues. When one person in a marriage has problems with intimacy, it can make the other feel inadequate. If both people have separate problems, then significant work needs to be done, but things can get better.

Intimacy plays an important role in a happy and healthy marriage. If you’re struggling with intimacy in your relationship, don’t be afraid to seek help from a professional. Often, couples’ therapy can be very helpful in these situations. Intimacy is about so much more than just sex—it’s about developing a deep connection with your spouse. By working on intimacy in your marriage, you can improve your relationship and make it stronger than ever.


Intimacy in marriage is both important and complex. It’s about more than just sex, but sex is still an important part of intimacy. If you’re struggling with intimacy in your marriage, don’t be afraid to seek help from a professional. Often, couples’ therapy can be very helpful in these situations. Intimacy is about developing a deep connection with your spouse, and by working on intimacy in your marriage, you can improve your relationship and make it stronger than ever.

Sexual intimacy keeps you both physically and emotionally healthy. Studies have found that people who are married are not necessarily happier, but if the relationship between the couple is healthy and satisfying, then married people do enjoy better health.

Having an intimate and close relationship with our spouse or loved one brings many physical and emotional benefits. Reducing stress, anxiety, and depression, increasing our sex life, and countering loneliness are just some of the benefits.

Intimate relationships are often characterized by attitudes of mutual trust, caring, and acceptance. A part of our sexuality might include intimacy: the ability to love, trust, and care for others in both sexual and other types of relationships.

My Wife Loves Me But Doesn’t Desire Me 💔

You are about to discover what to do if all signals indicate that the wife you married doesn’t desire you anymore even though she claims she loves you.

It’s perfectly normal for a wife to love her husband, but sometimes not feel sexually attracted to him.

While desire cannot be negotiated, it can absolutely be influenced with some tips we will share in this article.

There could be any number of reasons for this, such as a lack of emotional connection, mismatched libido levels or unresolved anger or resentment.

If you’re in this situation, it’s important to talk to your spouse and figure out what’s causing the disconnect.

You may need to see a therapist to help address the underlying issues; you can start with a family therapist.

Here are some very important lessons that we will cover to give you a full understanding and tactful things you can do to rekindle things:

  1. The Meaning of “Desire” In A Marriage
  2. What is the Difference Between Love and Sexual Desire?
  3. “What Does it Mean When My Wife Loves Me But Doesn’t Desire Me?”
  4. How does this affect a marriage and relationship?
  5. Tips for creating sexual desire in your spouse again
  6. The Role of a Sex Therapist

… and more.

My Wife Never Touches Me Anymore

“She used to be so affectionate, but now she seems distant and removed. I don’t know what I did wrong, but I fear that she may be cheating on me or is no longer interested in me. I don’t know how much longer I can take this.”

This kind of problem always start with a wife losing interest.

Let’s dive right in…

3 Signs That Your Wife Is Losing Interest

It can be difficult to tell if your wife is losing interest in you.

However, there are 4 of many other signs you can look out for.

  • Sign #3 – One common sign is if your wife starts to avoid sexual intimacy.
  • Sign #2 – If she stops taking care of herself physically or stops dressing up for you, this can also be a sign that she’s losing interest.
  • Sign #1 – Another sign is if she becomes critical or negative towards you.

If your wife shows any of these signs, it might be time to talk to her about your concerns and see if there’s anything wrong.

The Meaning of “Desire” In A Marriage

When we think of the word “desire,” we often think of our sex life in a marriage and sexual desire.

However, desire is much more than that.

Desire is a yearning or craving for something, someone or the presence of someone.

It can be a strong feeling or emotion that motivates us to take further desired action of course.

In a marriage, it is important for both spouses to feel desired by the other.

This can be accomplished in many ways, such as through words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch.

When both spouses feel desired, it builds intimacy and strengthens the bond between them.

Sexual desire is an important part of a marriage, but it is not the only type of desire that matters.

Spouses should strive to meet each other’s non-sexual desires as well, in order to create a fulfilling and lasting relationship.

That alone can help in boosting and/or sustaining sexual desires in the marriage.

What is the Difference Between Love and Sexual Desire?

When we think of love, we often think of feelings of warmth, happiness and affection.

Love is a deep, emotional connection that spouses have with each other.

It is a feeling of being drawn to someone, of wanting to be close to them and wanting to make them happy.

In marriage, however, love is not just a feeling of lust or passion.

It is much more than that because a long term relationship between 2 different human beings is involved.

Love is Action, Patient, Kind and Fifty Million Others Things.

Sexual desire, on the other hand, is a physical attraction that spouses feel for each other.

It is the desire to be intimate with someone, to touch them and to be touched by them.

Sexual desire can often be confused with love, but they are two separate things.

Sexual desire was traditionally not necessary in a marriage, but love was as a function of duty and responsibility.

However, things have changed and it will hurt your marriage if you dare attempt to discount the importance of feelings in modern day marriage.

There Is A Strong Relationship Between A Couple’s Sex Life, Love And Sexual Desire. 

A couple’s sex life is often seen as the foundation of a healthy relationship, and is usually one of the first things to disappear when a relationship starts to deteriorate.

Love is often thought of as the emotional connection that couples share, and is what keeps them together over time.

Sexual desire, on the other hand, is what motivates people to have sex and is often seen as a physical manifestation of love.

“What Does it Mean When My Wife Loves Me But Doesn’t Desire Me?”

When a wife loves her husband but does not desire him, it can be a sign that there is something wrong in the underlying relationship.

It may be that the wife is no longer attracted to her husband, or that she is unhappy with the way things are going in the relationship.

If this is the case, then it is important for the husband to talk to his wife and find out what is wrong.

He should express his love for her and try to find a way to fix whatever is causing the problem.

By the way, she might not be able to explain this in words.

How Does Your Intimacy Affect a Marriage Relationship?

Your sex life is an important part of intimacy in your marriage and the underlying relationship.

It helps to keep the spark alive and allows couples to feel close to each other.

When there is not healthy level of intimacy (which is deeper than sex), everything else starts to feel wrong.

Your Sex Life Can Take Many Different Forms, Such As Talking And Touching.

If one partner feels that they are not being desired by the other, it can be a blow to their self-esteem.

It can make them feel like they are not good enough and that they are not wanted.

This can lead to a lot of emotional pain and conflict and even emotional and full blown infidelity.

There are many ways to improve your sex life in a marriage relationship.

Couples can talk about their needs and desires, spend time together, touch each other more often, and be open and honest with each other.

But that’s usually not enough because it would most likely take one person to lead the dance.

If you are struggling with this issue, please seek help from a therapist, coach or counselor.

They can assist you in working through these feelings and improving your relationship.

6 Tips for Creating A Fulfilling Sex Life With Your Spouse Again

There are many ways to rekindle your sex life in your relationship with your spouse.

Here are a few tips:

1. Talk openly and honestly about your feelings and desires but with respect to your partner’s feelings.

2. Make time for each other and carve out special moments just for the two of you.

3. Be affectionate and touch each other often.

4. Experiment and be playful in the bedroom.

5. Communicate during sex and let your partner know what you enjoy.

6. Connect emotionally as well as physically.

The Role of a Sex Therapist

A sex therapist’s role is to help couples or individuals overcome issues that are preventing them from enjoying a healthy and fulfilling sex life.

They can help with a range of issues, such as low libido, performance anxiety, erectile dysfunction, and more.

Sex therapists typically use a mix of therapies, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), couples therapy, and psycho-education.

How A Sex Therapist Uses CBT

A sex therapist uses cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) which can be a great help for couples in this situation.

He or she can help the couple understand why the wife loves her husband but does not desire him.

They can also work to help the couple rebuild their intimacy and connection.

Every other advice would probably unintentionally position you to start feeling like your wife is weaponizing sex.

How can she weaponize sex if she doesn’t hate sex with you?

That’s The Easy Route Of Thought; Try Harder.

A sex therapist would help you do the hard work by digging deeper into the reasons behind the scenes and behind the obvious.

You can even take it further.

You will learn seduction skills from a sex therapist that will help you influence high level of desire, interest and attraction.

Check out American Association of Sexuality Educators, counselors and therapists to see if you can find an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist.

An AASECT Certified Sex Therapist is trained to provide in-depth psychotherapy and they are specialized in treating clients with sexual issues and concerns.

What To Do When Your Partner Doesn’t Want To Be Intimate

When your partner doesn’t want to be intimate, it can be a difficult and confusing experience.

You may feel like you’re not good enough or that you’re not attractive in your relationship anymore.

Here Are 5 Things You Can Do To Improve Intimacy:

1. Talk to your partner about why they don’t want to be intimate and try to understand their point of view.

2. Don’t take it personally (this is easier said than done) – remember that this has nothing to do with how much they love you.

3. Don’t pressure your partner into being intimate if they’re not comfortable doing so because desire cannot be negotiated; it can however be influenced if you have the skills.

4. Seek out support from friends or family members who can offer words of encouragement to you if need it; don’t count on them being able to correct your spouse into order.

5. Seek professional help if the situation is causing you significant distress.

Remember that you’re not alone and there are ways to deal with this situation.

Don’t hesitate to reach out for help if you need it.

“Can I Divorce My Wife For Not Sleeping With Me?”

Of course you can divorce your spouse these days for the dumbest reasons.

All you have to do is to claim “irreconcilable differences.”

But of course, I don’t just advice you to just run for the hills at the slightest sight of a slow down in intimacy.

While it may be frustrating if your wife doesn’t want to have sex with you, it’s important to remember that there are many reasons why someone may not be interested in sex.

It Could Be Due To Stress, Fatigue, or Health Issues.

If your wife is unwilling to discuss the issue, then you may want to consult with a therapist to help you understand why she is not interested in sex and work on ways to improve intimacy.

There are many bitter people on the internet that will advice you to just go ahead and kick her to the curb.

You and I know that if it was that easy, you would have done it already.

Don’t compare yourself to people who are so weak to the extent that they never had enough vested interest in a marriage they created in the first place.

Identify if you really want that marriage from a personal standpoint and then move intentionally and accordingly; with the help of good counsel and not random people on the internet.

How Health Issues Can Result in Lack of Physical Intimacy

Many couples struggle with physical intimacy at some point in their relationship.

This can be due to a variety of factors, such as fatigue, stress, or health issues.

When one partner is dealing with health issues leading to a lack of physical intimacy, it might not be as obvious.

Physical intimacy is an important part of a marriage, and when it’s lacking, it can be difficult for both partners.

There are issues that may be hormonal or psychological remnants of health crisis.

Start with a conversation as usual and a healthy does of empathy and that alone can instigate her wanting sex.

“I Just Want My Wife To Want Me But I’ve Heard Many Wives Like Her Hate Sex Eventually.”

Sexual pleasure is an important part of any relationship, and it’s no different for couples in which the wife loves her husband but doesn’t desire him.

This is a temporary issue normally and you next move can make it permanent or temporary; tread carefully.

Even though they’re not physically attracted to each other, these couples can still enjoy a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship if they’re willing to put in the effort.

For men in this situation, it’s important to understand that sexual pleasure isn’t all about the physical act of sex.

Sexual pleasure actually starts long before the act of sex.

There is a lot more going on even though you may feel as though she hates sex; it’s highly unlikely.

One of the key things when you are going through this is to make sure you are prepared for the opportunity to be intimate when it presents itself again.

When that time comes…

Here Are Additional 5 Tips To Be More Sexually Intimate With Your Wife

Tip #5 – First, try to be more present when you’re together.

Tip #4 – Pay attention to her body and her reactions when you’re touching her.

Tip #3 – Second, experiment with different types of touch. Try mixing up your routine to keep things fresh; don’t be predictable.

Tip #2 – Third, communicate with your wife about what she enjoys.

Let her know what turns you on, and ask her about her fantasies.

Tip #1 – Lastly, make time for sex.

Dedicate time specifically for intimacy, and make sure that both of you are available for it.

Here is a quick question for you to ponder.

How do you feel about entertaining sex toys in your sex life?

Your answer can make or break your sex life and intimacy; Hint: No answer is right and wrong.

Why Does My Wife Hate Initiating Sex?

There could be many reasons why your wife hates initiating sex.

It could be that she’s not attracted to you, she’s not in the mood, or she’s not feeling well.

If your wife doesn’t initiate sex very often, it might be because she’s not comfortable doing so.

Heck: It can be completely a traditional or cultural issue

Talk to her about how you feel and see if she has any concerns or suggestions.

This is one of those situations where you may want to identify the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship and both of you as individuals.

What I want you to do is to shed more energy and light on the strengths and avoid trying to force the weaknesses with respect to the result that you want.

I would hope that your desired result is simply more sex; more passionate sex.

“My Wife Makes Excuses To Refuse Sex.”

“My wife loves me and always tells me how much she cares for me, but she doesn’t desire me sexually. She makes excuses not to sleep with me, and it’s really starting to take a toll on our relationship. I’m not sure what to do, as I still want to be intimate with her.”

Most Women In Marriage React To Unhappiness In One Or More Ways: 

Outside of health issues, she might not feel satisfied with her marriage due to the amount of time spent away from her spouse.

The most recent findings suggest that up to 50 percent of couples who have been married 10 years are dissatisfied with their marriage because they report feeling frustrated and unfulfilled.

This is a rather strong reason why most women in marriage do not want sex – it’s as if they’re trying to protect themselves from being hurt again by refusing sex.

To a large extent, this can be subconscious.

Most women refuse sex because they are afraid of getting too close, only for them to continue to feel unhappy in the marriage down the road anyway.

It’s like “why bother?”

The First Step Is Always To Talk To Your Spouse About The Issue.

If that doesn’t work, you may want to engage your seduction power as a woman; that starts with self-assessment.

  • What turned him on to you in the first place?
  • What turns him on to you right now?
  • What turns you on?

Once you find out the answer to all 3 of these questions, then you will find everything else useful in rekindling things.

How To Deal With A Sexless Marriage As A Woman

Dealing with a sexless marriage as a woman can be difficult, but there are ways to cope.

First, it’s important to understand that there is no shame in having a sexless marriage.

It’s not your fault, and you’re not alone.

There are many couples who experience this problem and therefore there are many solutions and options.

In Conclusion

It’s normal for most women to lose interest in their husbands after some time and over time.

This doesn’t mean that the love is gone, just the desire may be absent.

There are many things you can do to help boost your wife’s desire and attraction towards you again.

By leveraging some of the simple tips we’ve covered, you can rekindle the flame and have a more fulfilling marriage.

Here is a last bonus tip for you.

If you are always engaged in arguments that you may have considered a harmless debate, that can sure create lower interest and desire from your spouse; It can get weird from time to time.

What a confusion right?

Are women crazy? 

How do you love a husband you don’t desire?

I was on the receiving end of those resentments she mentioned earlier and it was not fun as you can probably imagine.

We got married and I flipped my legs on the table and just relaxed like most new husbands.

After all, we are now committed to each other for life. 

PREVIOUS POST: 💔 5 Reasons Your Wife is NOT Affectionate Anymore

What else is there to worry about? So I thought or acted at least.

It’s called complacency and we all do it in one shape, form or the other.  

The truth is that I truly loved my wife and my family even back then but that didn’t stop me from being complacent.

Here is the first thing you should know.

On the other end of being complacent is a person you love who may be feeling undesired by you even if you don’t mean to.

And you know what they say about hurt-people. They hurt people right?

That’s right. But I didn’t plan out how I was going to hurt you back.

It was more-so about two people who entered a whole marriage to wing things along.

I know what you are thinking.

Why didn’t we vet properly and go through premarital counseling?

Not only did we engage in some premarital counseling,

we actually dated and were in a committed relationship for 3 years before we went to the altar.  

Here is what we know today after reviewing, consulting and coaching many people in modern marriages .

People that say “I do” don’t know what they are doing because they couldn’t possibly know.

When you haven’t experienced marriage,

you are in a completely different context and it is what it is.

So when I complained about a few things a few times only to get undesirable responses from my husband,

I continued to feel more unsafe to express myself.

The resentments started to build up naturally.

It is in fact true that unexpressed expectations turn to resentments.

It is paramount that you give your partner freedom to express their expectations and the key is to not take those expectations personally.

TRENDING: 5 Stages that Leads to a Sexless Marriage 💔

After our relationship deteriorated so badly, I was still pretty much oblivious.  

To me it wasn’t that difficult.  I just want my wife to want me and it was weird to me that she didn’t get it.

Before I knew it, I started creating room in my life for the idea of entertaining attention that was being deprived on the sidelines.

We never stopped proclaiming our love for each other verbally but I didn’t feel it. 

As a man, I simply normalized it because I grew up with Uncles who had and exercised options when it comes to women; married or not.

Like most men…

*I thought about sexual attraction.

*I wondered why you avoided intimacy and I couldn’t touch you anymore.

*I resented the audacity of committing and not showing up to our marriage.

So of course over time, the disconnection reflected occasionally in my energy and at one point, my wife verbally gave up on us.

The Main Lesson

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

That rock bottom helped me discover the secret. 

A certain type of love required for all marriages is a choice.

However, desire, affection, and attraction are symptoms of a certain consistent way of showing up in your marriage as a man.

A typical wife has a lot on her plate and simply doesn’t get to decide if they want to desire you or not.

Think about it.

In the beginning of your love affair, your wife desired you without knowing enough about you.

Though it wasn’t controlled, it was an attraction.

So we can agree that desire in a marriage is not some logical decision.

At least, that’s not reality.

But it can absolutely be reverse-engineered especially with the history of desire that used to exist between the two of you. 

We know it can happen again but it’s easier said than done.

With proper support it’s absolutely possible because we are a testimony.

But you will have to engage your power and it’s impossible when you are playing the victim.

Frequently Asked Question

It could be for many reasons including time, boredom, health issues. The good news is that help is available.

Have a conversation with a healthy does of empathy and that’s 50% of the battle won.

Yes a marriage can survive without desire but there is no reason to endure that type of suffering when help is available.

Have a conversation and look for ways to add value to her from a place of attraction leveraging seduction skills.

17 Signs of When to Walk Away From A Sexless Marriage

When it comes to sexless marriages, there can be a lot of confusion about when is the right time to walk away.

For some people, the decision might be easy-if they’re not getting what they need from their spouse, they’ll end the marriage.

But for others, it might not be so simple.

Maybe they’ve been married for a long time and have kids, or maybe they’re afraid of being alone.

Whatever the reason, it’s important to know when enough is enough.

But before we get into all that, it’s more important to know if you can savage the situation; many and probably most couples have overcome dry spells.

In this article, we will cover the following lessons…

1. What is a sexless marriage?

2. Causes of a sexless marriage

3. Effects of a sexless marriage

4. How to deal with a sexless marriage

5. How to create a healthy sex life when in a sexless marriage

6. Can a marriage survive without sexual intimacy?

7. Does a sexless relationship lead to a sexless marriage?

Let’s dive right in…

What is a sexless marriage?

What is a sexless marriage?

A sexless marriage is a marriage where the couple does not have sex.

This can be for a variety of reasons; the most common being that one or both spouses are not interested in sex.

When it comes to low sexual interest in marriage, there can be a lot of reasons why this might happen.

For one, it could be that one or both spouses have lost interest in sex altogether.

This could be due to boredom, fatigue, or simply not feeling attracted to their partner anymore.

Another possibility is that there may be an underlying physical issue causing the low interest in sex, such as hormonal imbalances or chronic illnesses.

Whatever the reason may be, if you’re experiencing low interest in sexual activity within your marriage, it’s important to talk to your spouse about it.

It’s possible that they’re unaware of the issue and may have no idea that you’re not interested in sex.

Causes of a Sexless Marriage

Causes of a Sexless Marriage

Before we talk about when to walk away from a sexless marriage, won’t you agree that you should learn the many causes of a sexless marriage?

One of the most common reasons is when one or both partners have lost interest in sex.

Yes… interest, desire and attraction are key elements in this.

While desire cannot be negotiated, it can definitely be influenced with some seduction skills if the cause is medical in nature.

Low level of interest can be due to a number of factors, such as stress, fatigue, boredom, or a lack of connection with their partner.

Another common cause of a sexless marriage is when one partner has a low sex drive.

This can be due to hormonal changes, medical issues, or stress.

If one partner consistently rejects sexual advances, this can also lead to a sexless marriage.

If you are in a sexless marriage, it is important to assess the situation and determine if it is something that you can work on or if it is time to walk away.

There is a big difference between sexual interest and sex drive.

Interest is what makes you want to have sex, while sex drive is what motivates you to act on that desire.

Interest can be sparked by things like sexy lingerie, kissing, or cuddling and long term effects of being in a good place and feeling safe with your spouse.

However, sex drive is more about the physical urges in moments and the need to release that tension.

It’s possible to have a high interest but a low sex drive, or vice versa.

Erectile Dysfunction Can Also Lead to a No Sex Marriage

If you’re dealing with erectile dysfunction, there are a few remedies you can try before calling it quits on your marriage.

First, you could talk to your doctor about medication or therapy that could help get your libido back up and running.

If that doesn’t work, you might want to consider couples counseling to help reignite the intimacy in your relationship.

Effects of a Sexless Marriage

Effects of a Sexless Marriage

You may be the spouse who hasn’t realized that when to walk away from a sexless marriage may be closer than you think.

May be you feel a low sexual interest towards your spouse and you are not seeing it as a matter of emergency.

A sexless marriage can have negative consequences on both spouses.

Effects of a Sexless Marriage on a Man

A lack of physical intimacy can lead to a decreased sense of self-worth and masculinity.

They may feel like they are not good enough for their wife and that they are not fulfilling their role as a husband.

And yes, it’s important that we all start to realize that feelings is one of the most important elements of life; even for a man.

This can cause a husband to withdraw from the relationship emotionally and even physically.

Effects of a Sexless Marriage on a Woman

A lack of physical intimacy can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation.

She may feel like her husband no longer finds her attractive and desirable.

This can cause her to lose interest in the underlying relationship (in many respects, more important than the marriage) and become more withdrawn.

It is often not best to just walk away from the marriage because there is more to learn from the crisis just because one partner doesn’t desire sex.

The Importance of Physical Intimacy in Marriage

One of the most important aspects of a healthy and happy marriage is physical intimacy.

When this is lacking, couples can quickly find themselves drifting apart.

Like we already mentioned, this may be due to a lack of desire, mismatched libidos, or other physical issues, but the end result is the same—a rift in the relationship.

Physical intimacy is not just about sex; it’s also about physical closeness, touch, and affection.

Couples who are physically intimate are more likely to feel connected to each other, and they are also more likely to have a stronger emotional bond.

And to stay on topic here, it significantly reduces the chances of ending up in a sexless marriage which is about 15-20% of marriages.

In fact, physical intimacy is often seen as a litmus test for the health of a relationship.

The Link Between Intimacy And A Coupe’s Sex Life

If you want a better sex life within marriage, focusing on physical sex may just work completely against that.

A Couple’s sex life is a function of many things including sex drives, the level of interest between you and your spouse presently and long term vibes.

A terrible couple’s sex life is usually the effect of complacency, resentments and nature.

As mentioned earlier, it can also be the effect of medical issues but that’s beyond the scope of this article.

The frequency of sexual intimacy between couples determines what most people use in gauging a healthy and active sex life.

An ideal sex life from our stand point requires a minimum of once a week and preferably 2-3 times per week.

Of course, there are exceptions to every rule but be sure that the exception agreeable to both parties.

It’s not enough to argue what makes an ideal and optimal sex life as an individual.

Ultimately, you need your spouse to feel satisfied in their own personal sex life as qualified in human being in a marriage.

Ideally, when to walk away from a sexless marriage is the moment either spouse feels like the other is so disconnected and selfish from their own emotional needs of love and connection.

How to Deal With a Sexless Marriage

How to Deal With a Sexless Marriage

If you are in a sexless marriage, it can be difficult to know what to do.

We have a few tips in addition to the fact that there are professionals such as sex therapist, coach and counselors that help make navigating things easier.

Sexual desire cannot be negotiated but it can be influenced with these short and few tips:

1. Talk to your partner about your concerns.

If you’re feeling unhappy in a sexless marriage, it might be time to talk to your spouse about it.

However, it’s important to approach the conversation in a constructive way. Here are a few tips:

– Don’t start by expressing how you feel.

Being honest and open about why you’re unhappy, and explaining that you want things to change may seem smart but it is anti-seductive.

instead, it’s better that you approach this from a stand point of searching for opportunities to add value.

Here is an example of how the conversation might go…

“Babe, you know how much I love an intimate time with you.

Is there anyway I can help to ease up your days and create more opportunities?”

Talk about the things that you can do to improve sexual desire.

Maybe there are certain activities or fantasies that you would be interested in trying.

– Make it clear that you’re not blaming your spouse for the problem.

Sexual desire is a complex issue, and it takes two people to create a healthy sexual relationship.

But the good news is that it take one to start the necessary dance.

That’s why we suggest approaching this from a stand point of seduction and not sex as a duty in a marriage.

– Be willing to compromise.

This works best if you’ve noticed being shut down in recent time; if the sexlessness has lasted much longer, consulting a sex therapist to help is not a bad idea.

2. Try to spice things up in the bedroom.

When it comes to marriage, there are a lot of things that need to be perfect in order for it to work.

One of the most important aspects of marriage is intimacy.

Intimacy is key to a healthy and happy marriage.

When intimacy starts to fade, it can be a sign that the marriage is in trouble.

If you’re in a sexless marriage, here are a few tips to help spice things up:

– Talk to your spouse about your needs and desires.

Communication is key in any relationship.

I take that back. There are too many people throwing the word “communication” around when it comes to relationships and marriages.

The Actual Key is Effective Communication.

And I am talking about effectiveness with respect to the context; the context here being the need to help a sexless marriage survive.

Most people think of communication as the act of talking; with respect to improving sexual desire and intimacy, listening must be involved in at least what you may consider as communication.

If you haven’t listened long and deep enough to understand why your spouse has been non-verbally communicating low interest in sex, attempting to express your own unhappiness may makes things worse.

– Experiment with new positions, fantasies, and activities.

This is useful if you are still about to make your way together to the bedroom occasionally.

It can help replace boredom and spice things up.

– Try reconnecting with your spouse on a more intimate level outside of the bedroom.

This will actually work a lot better than many of the other measures your natural instincts suggest.

As I earlier, your sex life is a function of so many activities and moments long before the bedroom.

If all else fails, consider seeking professional help such as sex therapist, counselor or marriage coach.

3. If things don’t improve, consider consulting with a sex therapist.

A sex therapist can help sexless marriages in a number of ways.

They can help to identify the root of the problem, and work with the couple to find a solution.

If one partner is not interested in sex, the therapist can help to explore the reasons for this and find ways to overcome any obstacles.

The therapist can also provide guidance on how to improve communication and intimacy in the relationship.

4. Don’t give up on your marriage.

When it comes to sexless marriages, there can be a lot of debate over whether or not to stay in the relationship.

Some people may say that you should always fight for your marriage, while others may say that if sex is not happening, then there is likely bigger problems in the relationship that need to be addressed.

From experience, we know it’s most likely the latter.

The truth is, there is no easy answer when it comes to deciding whether or not to stay in a sexless marriage.

However, it is important to remember that a sexless marriage does not have to mean a doomed marriage.

In fact, according to recent studies, sexless marriages are becoming more and more common due to the growth in alternative lifestyles; we don’t really cover that here.

But according to one study, nearly 20% of married couples are considered sexless.

So you are not alone.

In addition to that, it is important to know that common problems tend to have more than enough solutions.

Don’t give up on your marriage especially if that’s not what you want to do; avoid non-professional advices on the marriage matters.

Avoid advices from people who have worst case scenario experiences and people who tend to speak from published statistics when it comes to a marriage.

They tend to only help in projecting these experiences into your future personal life even when suggested issues may not even exist.

How to create a healthy sex life when in a sexless marriage

How to create a healthy sex life when in a sexless marriage

A lack of sex in a marriage can be very frustrating for both partners.

It’s important to figure out why the sex has stopped, and then work on fixing it.

If the lack of sex is due to an issue like mismatched libidos, there are things that you can do to increase the amount of sex that you have.

If the lack of sex is due to an unresolved conflict, then you’ll need to work on resolving the conflict before you can start having sex again.

Lack of effective communication, especially the part where a spouse feels heard can lead to lack of sex.

Not mastering the art of intimacy at a deeper level in your underlying relationship can also lead to lack of sex.

As I mentioned earlier, desire cannot be negotiated.

Nonetheless lack of sexual desire will eventually lead to lack of sex.

Desire however be created with influence and seduction which is a skill set within long term relationships and marriage.

Health and medical issues can also lead to lack of sex even in ways that are not necessarily obvious to either party.

Last but not least, lack of sex can be a result of stress and fatigue, so it is important to not forget about creating a lifestyle of fun.

If lack of sex is causing problems in your marriage, it’s important to address the issue head-on and not allow it to linger on.

Can a marriage survive without sexual intimacy?

Can a marriage survive without sexual intimacy?

A sexless marriage can be a difficult situation to deal with, but it is possible for the marriage to survive if the parties are on the same page.

It is highly unlikely in the hyper sexual society that we live in today; everywhere you look in the media, there are sexual content and motivation.

It is important to seek sex therapy to address the issue and find a way to regain sexual intimacy in the marriage.

One of the main things you can find in sex therapy is sex education.

Believe it or not, many people survived childhood without any form of sexual, attraction and seduction education ahead of marriage.

Sex therapy can help you learn about different sexual techniques, positions, and products that can help increase sexual interests in a romantic relationship.

Don’t let this issue linger to avoid your spouse from developing sexual interests outside of your marriage.

It’s also important to mention at this point that panic and anxiety will only make things worse.

FINALLY… The 17 Signs Of Walk Away From A Sexless Marriage?

Being in a marriage has its highs and lows and sometimes you can hit a stumbling block such as a sexless marriage. 

A few moments of dryspell can happen and that is not unusual.

What can make it unusual is when that dry spell becomes permanent. 

When intimacy is gone in a marriage, it can gradually lead to the death of a marriage. 

So when do you know you are in a sexless marriage?

One survey says a sexless marriage is when a couple have sex once in a month.

But I believe this varies from people to people.

One Survey  says that 1 in 5 couples are having a sexless marriage. 

Did you know that the average married couple has sex 68.5 times a year which adds up to about once a week?

PREVIOUS POST: 5 Warning Signs That Feels Like Your Husband May Have Lost Interest in You Sexually

This is okay if both parties are on the same page.

But problem only occurs if one person desires sex and the other doesn’t. 

So before you decide to walk away, you have to do a root cause analysis that addresses all the variables and scenarios that led you there. 

5 potential causes of a sexless marriage to consider before walking away? 

Consideration #1 – Stress from Work

When a partner gets too busy with work, he or she can become too tired to think about sex.

They don’t even have a moment to eat dinner together, much less talking about their day which is one of the ways that healthy couples connect.

This can cause the couple to be distant and cause a dry spell in the relationship.

Consideration #2 – Childbirth

After Childbirth, a woman’s body changes and needs time to balance again. 

Doctors often advise not to have sex until after 6 weeks because of  common issues such as vaginal dryness, bleeding, pain, fatigue, tear, low libido, pregnancy and more. 

Breastfeeding lowers estrogen levels. 

So if a woman is breastfeeding, it may take time for her libido to return to normal. 

A man who doesn’t know all these may end up acting out of character because he feels neglected. 

And this might lead to even more dry spells; a vicious cycle of sexless weeks, months and potentially years because it all starts from a woman feeling safe with a man .

Consideration #3 – Lack of Connection

Sex without emotional connection is a turn off.  

An emotional connection is a bundle of subjective feelings that come together to create a bond between two people. 

Most women want to be wined and dined, 

They want to be heard, have intelligent and most importantly vulnerable conversations from the heart. They want to be noticed outside the bedroom. 

If she is only being used for sex, she will eventually loathe it. 

Likewise a typical man wants to feel like the hero in his marriage.  

If he is feeling belittled, he may disconnect and his sexual attraction towards his woman can be tampered with effectively.

Consideration #4 – Loneliness

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If you are sitting with your spouse and he is not engaging or responding to your conversations, you may start subconsciously learning how to disconnect. 

It may seem like your spouse is just self-absorbed in whatever he is doing without ever asking how your day went; your spouse seems uninterested in you.

You all can become distant and start feeling neglected.  This has led many to start fantasizing about life without each other. 

You may even have found yourself sharing and enjoying conversations with others outside your marriage in an intimate way.

Obviously, one or both of you can effectively get comfortable with the reality of a sexless marriage and it all started with at least one person feeling lonely.

Consideration #5 – Toxic Relationship Issues

If you are not treating each other with kindness, every conversation is filled with sarcastic and rude remarks. 

Likewise if at least one person is exercising controlling behaviours on the other, skyscrapers of resentments will be built. 

And it is also not uncommon to accompany all of that with some disrespect to an extent where your sight repulses your partner or vice versa.

This type of negative behavior kills sex. 

Who wants to have sex with someone who makes their skin crawl?

So Here are the 17 Signs of When to walk away from sexless marriage…

  1. If your spouse is not interested in a way forward and doesn’t care that your needs are not being met, staying in that marriage may turn you into a bitter person.
  1. All you both do now is argue. 
  1. You feel like your lack of sex is not even at the very least being compensated with a caring attitude. Instead, it’s filled with disrespect and insults. Some have even pushed themselves to the point of domestic violence.
  1. So because you can’t imagine a happy life without sex, you may have even started indulging in inappropraite behaviours outside your marriage.
  1. Sex has become a punishment tool for at least one of you. 
  1. And every time you do something wrong, your partner shuts down.
  1. Your spouse has in fact told you severally that you are not wanted anymore and divorce is now being thrown in your face. 
  1. You have become depressed and uninterested in your purpose. 
  1. You can’t even get out of bed to do things you normally do and you feel drained. 
  1. You feel exhausted and burnt out.
  1. You have become a raging jealous out-of-control monitoring spirit. 
  1. You find yourself tracking his or her every move.
  1. You have his phone follow him around. 
  1. You have lost your self respect. It’s time to move on and find yourself again.
  1. Your spouse cheated on you and you resent him for it. 
  1. You dont to have sex with him but you want him to suffer. By the way, you are not making him suffer alone; you are killing yourself more. 
  2. If you are not open to counseling to help heal yourself, it’s time to let go and move on from this toxicity.

In Conclusion… 

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Most sexless marriages suffer because one or both parties have shut down and have refused to have real conversations about why they have reached this point. 

They indulge in blaming and finger pointing. 

Blame, guilt, judgement and condemnation, felt at any level will not make your spouse more interested in sex. 

There are things you can do to get your marriage from a sexless stage to one filled with love and content.  

How are you communicating these concerns with your spouse? 

Are you talking to him or at him? Are you talking to her or at her? Try working on your communication skills.

Have you done a root cause analysis of why your marriage is sexless? There are usually some underlying issues. 

You need to be clear of what happened in order to fix it or you will be totally lost in confusion. 

If you are open, a good counselor can help figure that out.

The best thing you can do for yourself is figure out what the underlying cause of your problems are and work with your spouse on finding solutions together.

If this sounds like too much work, there may not be any hope for your marriage at all.

Here’s how to know when it might finally be time to walk away from a sexless marriage:

->You’ve tried everything – counseling, different types of sexual activity that used to turn both of you on but now only one person enjoys or participates in them often

->The two of you talk about having more enjoyable sexual encounters with each other, but after an initial spurt where things were great again they stop once more.

-> You both feel like your sex lives is going down the drains after engaging all the suggested helps in this article, yet passionate sex seems to be long gone.

If at least one person still desires the other enough to initiate sex even if it’s occasionally, there is hope.

We believe that after 3 months of no sexual activity between a couple outside of each other’s consent, the marriage is technically non-existence.

Have you ever heard a sexless marriages end because of more frequent sex? Maybe sex addition which is considered a sexual dysfunction.

You can also work on improving how you approach sex in general; too many people’s approach is anti-seductive.

I know what you are thinking.

What about vaginal dryness right? While that could be a result of medical reasons, it’s often the results of no arousal.

Lack of arousal can also be a function of many things such as low self esteem issues, watching porn too much, body image, lack of self confidence and more.

If you care about this marriage, be sure to address everything before walking away from it like most tend to do.

The grass always seems greener on the other side; but that’s because someone is watering the grass of that love life.

Frequently Asked Questions [FAQ]

There are 17 signs here that you should consider before deciding to walk away from a sexless marriage.

There is no right right time ultimately.

15% to 20% of marriages are said to be sexless marriages but we also know that about 50% of marriages end up in divorce.

We are not too sure because the unquantifiable variables are many.

It can last a lifetime but it is healthy for a typical marriage to last more than 3 months without doing something about it outside of medical issues.

It is never okay to cheat. It is better and more honorable to communicate and hold your own end of a commitment before breaking it.

Sexless Marriage Quiz


[streamquiz id=”1″]

Pick the answer that is most suitable to your situation… Agree/Disagree and Click continue to next question.

In 2 minutes or less, you can use this quiz as a tool, not only to detect if you are in a sexless marriage….

But also to get a quick recommendation to live a blissful, intimate and sexually fulfilled married life.

Sexless Marriage Quiz

Here is a full article on The chances of survival in a sexless marriage

And Here is a free audio book on how we used attraction secrets to break the chains of sexless-ness in our marriage.

Some studies have revealed that about 15-20% of married couples live in the sexually frustrated marriage.

This reality can create a hostile environment where one or both will find themselves living a dangerous life.

It could manifest mentally or….

One or both could start seeking satisfaction from multiple partners which can create exposure to diseases and many other things.

So it is very important to scroll to the top…

And use the 2 minutes sexless marriage quiz too find out if your present arrangement is considered a sexless marriage.

If you let it linger, it can last forever and that’s just how low of a quality lifestyle you will have to endure.

The truth is that there is science, and of course an art, to why you may be going to the drought in your marriage.

That is to say there is a solution even if the underlying issues are medical related.

But you don’t know what you don’t know and can’t fix it until to know.

There is nothing better than finding yourself in a marriage where you feel sexually satisfied…

And are also authentically happy to stay faithful.

Even if there is a slow down, you know exactly what to do to spice things up either as a man or a woman.

That is an empowered marriage.


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