Being in a marriage has its highs and lows and sometimes you can hit a stumbling block such as a sexless marriage.
A few moments of dryspell can happen and that is not unusual.
What can make it unusual is when that dry spell becomes permanent.
When intimacy is gone in a marriage, it can gradually lead to the death of a marriage.
So when do you know you are in a sexless marriage?
One survey says a sexless marriage is when a couple have sex once in a month.
But I believe this varies from people to people.
One Survey says that 1 in 5 couples are having a sexless marriage.
Did you know that the average married couple has sex 68.5 times a year which adds up to about once a week?
This is okay if both parties are on the same page.
But problem only occurs if one person desires sex and the other doesn’t.
So before you decide to walk away, you have to do a root cause analysis that addresses all the variables and scenarios that led you there.
5 potential causes of a sexless marriage to consider before walking away?
Consideration #1 – Stress from Work
When a partner gets too busy with work, he or she can become too tired to think about sex.
They don’t even have a moment to eat dinner together, much less talking about their day which is one of the ways that healthy couples connect.
This can cause the couple to be distant and cause a dry spell in the relationship.
Consideration #2 – Childbirth
After Childbirth, a woman’s body changes and needs time to balance again.
Doctors often advise not to have sex until after 6 weeks because of common issues such as vaginal dryness, bleeding, pain, fatigue, tear, low libido, pregnancy and more.
Breastfeeding lowers estrogen levels.
So if a woman is breastfeeding, it may take time for her libido to return to normal.
A man who doesn’t know all these may end up acting out of character because he feels neglected.
And this might lead to even more dry spells; a vicious cycle of sexless weeks, months and potentially years because it all starts from a woman feeling safe with a man .
Consideration #3 – Lack of Connection
Sex without emotional connection is a turn off.
An emotional connection is a bundle of subjective feelings that come together to create a bond between two people.
Most women want to be wined and dined,
They want to be heard, have intelligent and most importantly vulnerable conversations from the heart. They want to be noticed outside the bedroom.
If she is only being used for sex, she will eventually loathe it.
Likewise a typical man wants to feel like the hero in his marriage.
If he is feeling belittled, he may disconnect and his sexual attraction towards his woman can be tampered with effectively.
Consideration #4 – Loneliness
If you are sitting with your spouse and he is not engaging or responding to your conversations, you may start subconsciously learning how to disconnect.
It may seem like your spouse is just self-absorbed in whatever he is doing without ever asking how your day went; your spouse seems uninterested in you.
You all can become distant and start feeling neglected. This has led many to start fantasizing about life without each other.
You may even have found yourself sharing and enjoying conversations with others outside your marriage in an intimate way.
Obviously, one or both of you can effectively get comfortable with the reality of a sexless marriage and it all started with at least one person feeling lonely.
Consideration #5 – Toxic Relationship Issues
If you are not treating each other with kindness, every conversation is filled with sarcastic and rude remarks.
Likewise if at least one person is exercising controlling behaviours on the other, skyscrapers of resentments will be built.
And it is also not uncommon to accompany all of that with some disrespect to an extent where your sight repulses your partner or vice versa.
This type of negative behavior kills sex.
Who wants to have sex with someone who makes their skin crawl?
So Here are the 17 Signs of When to walk away from sexless marriage…
- If your spouse is not interested in a way forward and doesn’t care that your needs are not being met, staying in that marriage may turn you into a bitter person.
- All you both do now is argue.
- You feel like your lack of sex is not even at the very least being compensated with a caring attitude. Instead, it’s filled with disrespect and insults. Some have even pushed themselves to the point of domestic violence.
- So because you can’t imagine a happy life without sex, you may have even started indulging in inappropraite behaviours outside your marriage.
- Sex has become a punishment tool for at least one of you.
- And every time you do something wrong, your partner shuts down.
- Your spouse has in fact told you severally that you are not wanted anymore and divorce is now being thrown in your face.
- You have become depressed and uninterested in your purpose.
- You can’t even get out of bed to do things you normally do and you feel drained.
- You feel exhausted and burnt out.
- You have become a raging jealous out-of-control monitoring spirit.
- You find yourself tracking his or her every move.
- You have his phone monitored.you follow him around.
- You have lost your self respect. It’s time to move on and find yourself again.
- Your spouse cheated on you and you resent him for it.
- You dont to have sex with him but you want him to suffer. By the way, you are not making him suffer alone; you are killing yourself more.
- If you are not open to counseling to help heal yourself, it’s time to let go and move on from this toxicity.
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Most sexless marriages suffer because one or both parties have shut down and have refused to have real conversations about why they have reached this point.
They indulge in blaming and finger pointing.
Blame, guilt, judgement and condemnation, felt at any level will not make your spouse more interested in sex.
There are things you can do to get your marriage from a sexless stage to one filled with love and content.
How are you communicating these concerns with your spouse?
Are you talking to him or at him? Are you talking to her or at her? Try working on your communication skills.
Have you done a root cause analysis of why your marriage is sexless? There are usually some underlying issues.
You need to be clear of what happened in order to fix it or you will be totally lost in confusion.
If you are open, a good counselor can help figure that out.
You may want to start with reading GET MY MARRIAGE BACK; you can can download it for free at: www.GetMyMarriageBack.com
Frequently Asked Questions [FAQ]
When should you walk away from a sexless relationship?
There are 17 signs here that you should consider before deciding to walk away from a sexless marriage.
There is no right right time ultimately.
What percentage of sexless marriages end in divorce?
15% to 20% of marriages are said to be sexless marriages but we also know that about 50% of marriages end up in divorce.
We are not too sure because the unquantifiable variables are many.
How long can a marriage last without intimacy?
It can last a lifetime but it is healthy for a typical marriage to last more than 3 months without doing something about it outside of medical issues.
Is it OK to cheat when in a sexless marriage?
It is never okay to cheat. It is better and more honorable to communicate and hold your own end of a commitment before breaking it.