In these videos and articles, you will discover simple steps on how to stop a divorce, fix and save you marriage even if your spouse has completely checked out of the marriage.
The stages of divorce grief are similar to the stages of grief that occur when someone dies.
The stages are shock and disbelief, pain and sorrow, anger and resentment, bargaining and guilt, and acceptance and hope. The order in which the stages occur may vary from person to person.
Some people may skip some of the stages or move through them more quickly than others.
It is important to allow yourself to grieve the loss of your marriage and not try to rush through the process.
1. Shock and disbelief: This is often the first stage after learning that your divorce is final. You may feel numb, have difficulty processing what has happened, and experience many other emotions, including sadness, anger, fear, and relief.
2. Pain and sorrow: As the reality of your divorce sets in, you will likely experience deep feelings of loss and grief.
You may find yourself crying often, feeling depressed, and struggling to cope with the changes in your life.
3. Anger and resentment: It is common to feel a range of negative emotions during this stage, including anger, bitterness, resentment, and frustration. You may lash out at your former spouse, friends, and family members.
4. Bargaining and guilt: During this stage, you may find yourself trying to negotiate with your former spouse or hoping for a reconciliation. You may also feel guilty about the divorce and blame yourself for the situation.
5. Acceptance and hope: In this final stage, you accept that the divorce is final and begin to move on with your life.
You may still feel sad and miss your former spouse, but you are able to start rebuilding your life. You may also feel hopeful about the future and find new meaning in your life.
Tips on Coping with Separation and Divorce
1. Recognize That Your Marriage Is Over: This can be difficult to accept, but it is an important step in the grieving process. Once you come to terms with the fact that your marriage is over, you can begin to move on.
2. Be Patient — Grief Takes Time: The stages of grief do not always happen in a linear fashion. You may move back and forth between stages or even skip some altogether.
3. Surround Yourself With People Who Support You — And Let Them Help: It can be helpful to talk to friends and family members who have gone through a divorce. They can offer guidance and support.
4. Practice Excellent Self-Care: During this difficult time, it is important to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. Make sure to eat healthy foods, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly.
5. Feel Your Feelings: It is normal to feel a range of emotions after your divorce. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your marriage.
6. Find Out What’s There Besides Anger, Sadness, And Fear: As you move through the grieving process, you may find that you have new insights about yourself and your life. Allow yourself to explore these new perspectives.
7. Timebox Your Grief: Set aside specific times each day to grieve the loss of your marriage. This can help you to avoid becoming overwhelmed by your emotions.
8. Don’t Hide Your Divorce Grief From Your Kids (But Don’t Freak Them Out, Either)
It is important, to be honest with your children about your divorce. However, you should avoid sharing too much information or putting them in the middle of the situation.
9. Write It Out, Work It Out, Or Just plain Talk It Out: Journaling, therapy, and talking to friends and family members can all be helpful ways to cope with your divorce.
10. Stop Blaming Your Ex and Start Forgiving Them (and Yourself) One of the most important things you can do for yourself is to let go of any resentment and blame you may feel. This can be difficult, but it is an essential part of healing.
11. Remember: You Will Still Be a Part of Your Kid’s Life Even After Divorce Although your family may be changing, you will still be an important part of your children’s lives. Try to maintain a positive relationship with your former spouse for the sake of your kids.
12. Consider Professional Help Many people find it helpful to seek out professional help during the divorce process. A therapist can provide support and guidance as you navigate this difficult time.
If you are facing divorce, it is important to understand the grieving process. By recognizing the stages of grief, you can better prepare yourself for the journey ahead.
Remember, every divorce is unique and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. If you find yourself struggling, don’t hesitate to seek out professional help. With time and patience, you will eventually reach the acceptance and hope stage.
Don’t Suppress Your Feelings While Grieving
Everyone is different and everyone can experience each one of these stages very differently. Allowing yourself the freedom to grieve during a divorce doesn’t make you weak. In fact, it can actually make you stronger. If you try to bottle up your emotions, they may eventually come out in destructive ways. It’s okay to cry, be angry, and feel sad. These are all normal reactions to loss.
Divorce is a process, not an event. Just as there is no one right way to grieve the death of a loved one, there is no one right way to grieve the loss of a marriage. Allow yourself the time and space to experience all the emotions that come with this major life change. Seek out support from friends and family members, or consider professional help if you need it. With time and patience, you will eventually reach the acceptance and hope stage.
Coping With the Hard Feelings
Coping with grief during a divorce is exceedingly difficult. Feeling all the emotions mentioned in each stage during the process of divorce is common and necessary for moving forward. It is important to surround yourself with people that love you and support you to help you through this painful time. If you are feeling lost, consider professional counseling to help you regain a sense of self and hope for the future.
In this article, we will discuss how to fix a broken relationship even if it’s within a marriage.
May be you feel like all hope is lost… relax…. read this first.
Why Do Relationships Break Or Fail?
There are many reasons why relationships fall apart.
It could be that you and your partner have grown apart over time and now have different interests, goals, and values.
It could be that you’re unable to resolve conflict in a healthy way, or that one or both of you tend to withdraw or shut down when things get tough.
It could be that you have different ideas about how to handle finances, child-rearing, or other important life decisions.
Whatever the reason is, if you find yourself in a failing or broken relationship, it’s important to be intentional with your actions or lack there of.
Otherwise, the situation is likely to only get worse.
The simple truth is that we are humans.
We’re complicated.
And relationships between complicated humans are even MORE complicated.
#1. Trust Has Left The Building
The cement of your relationship is Trust. without it, your relationship will fail.
Trust issues are very common.
Trust issues usually start in our childhood.
We learn them in our families.
And then we bring them into our relationships.
When we stop trusting ourselves, we stopped trusting others.
And when we stop trusting others, we stop trusting ourselves.
Trust is a two-way street.
Some of the bad things that happen when you lose trust are:
Infidelity
Jealousy
Anxious behavior
Smothering
Insecurities
And a whole lot more.
The first thing you need to do is to figure out whether your trust issues are because your partner is not trust-able
…OR these are anxiety and insecurity issues inside of you.
Then you have to work on getting reconnected to your partner.
I’ll tell you more about how to do that in a bit.
#2. Your Communication Sucks
This is another one of those very common reasons relationships start to fall apart.
If you’re not communicating well, then you’re not going to be able to meet each other’s needs.
You’re always going to have misunderstandings and a deep breakdown of connection.
Communication is one of the most important factors in a relationship because it’s how you navigate with your partner
If your communication isn’t in sync and compatible, you will definitely have problems.
And eventually, you will turn to a therapist or counselor to help you with them.
But chances are it will be too late.
Make sure you’re always working on your communication.
Not just with your romantic partner, but with everyone in your life.
#3. You are on different maps/timetables
Sometimes it just happens that we are on different time schedules, or in different places in our life.
The timing is just wrong.
It can be hard to see this when you want a relationship to work.
But sometimes the situation is out of your control and you just need to walk away.
And sometimes you meet in the same place but you’re going at different speeds.
So you fall out of step with each other.
He might be going slower, and you might be moving faster towards your relationship goals.
You have to decide for yourself if you’re willing and patient enough to go at your partner’s speed.
Sometimes this means you have different priorities at the moment.
You may want to start a family, but he wants to start a business.
This will be something you must navigate and negotiate along the way if you want it to work.
#4. You’re just not a match
Very frequently, I see couples that get together and start a relationship.
But they didn’t ever stop to really make sure the other person was right for them.
One or both of them was just desperate to get into a relationship as fast as they could.
So they threw their needs out the window and ignored how wrong this person was for them.
They might have been seeking relief from anxiety, or from loneliness. But for whatever reason, they didn’t choose well.
If each person in a relationship is completely healthy, then they could probably start a relationship with almost anybody.
But compatibility is a huge issue if you are not in a whole and healthy place with your own self-esteem and self-worth.
One of the biggest love myths out there is that love conquers everything.
The good news is, that there are relationship advice that you can execute to repair the damage.
#1. Talk about what’s going on
The first step is to talk about what’s wrong.
You need to express your feelings and needs in a way that is respectful and non-blaming.
If you can’t do that, I recommends seeing a therapist or counselor who can help you learn how to communicate effectively.
#2. Make time for each other
One of the biggest reasons relationships fail is because couples don’t make time for each other.
Life gets busy and before you know it, you’re living parallel lives under the same roof.
You need to make time for each other—time to talk, time to connect.
#3. Be willing to compromise
In any relationship, there are going to be times when you have to compromise.
You might not always get your way, but that’s OK.
The important thing is that you’re both willing to give a little.
#4. Learn to forgive
If you want your relationship to thrive, you need to learn to forgive.
We all make mistakes—we’re only human.
The key is to not hold onto the anger and resentment.
If you can learn to let go, it will do wonders for your relationship.
#5. Don’t take each other for granted
One of the easiest ways to kill a relationship is to take your partner for granted.
We all need to feel valued and appreciated.
If you stop doing the things that made your partner fall in love with you in the first place, don’t be surprised if they start to look elsewhere.
#6. Keep the romance alive
Another common mistake couples make is letting the romance die.
It’s important to keep the spark alive.
Do the things you used to do when you were first dating—go on dates, have fun together, show each other how much you care.
#7. Work as a team
In any relationship, it’s important to remember that you’re on the same team.
You’re in this together, so you need to work together to make it work.
That means being supportive, understanding, and helpful—even when you don’t feel like it.
#8. Don’t try to change each other
One of the biggest mistakes couples make is trying to change each other all in the name of duty and responsibility forgetting that it is a romantic relationship at the end of the day.
You need to accept each other—flaws and all.
If you can learn to love and accept each other just as you are, it will do wonders for your relationship.
#9. Communicate, communicate, communicate
If there’s one piece of advice that experts agree on, it’s that communication is key to a successful relationship… to put more accurately… EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION.
You need to be able to talk to each other—about everything.
The more you communicate, the closer you’ll become .
#10. Develop Listening Skills
It is impossible to avoid arguments in any relationship.
And in those moments, it is equally impossible to prevent different perspectives of understanding right and wrong and ways of solving problems.
In such circumstances, there is no limit on what is required to be said and heard by both parties, which is necessary.
Because sometimes, or most of the time, the conversation becomes so fierce that the very limit of speaking is violated.
Due to a lack of listening ability, you take some such steps in anger which directly damages the relationship.
#11. Accepting the Circumstances and Your Partner
Circumstances can never be right and wrong in relationships.
Didn’t you see people coming together in bad times?
Haven’t you noticed people make or break in bad times?
If you look at history, you will find hundreds of examples where people came together in worse conditions, whether WWI or WWII.
Whether it’s raising a voice against racism or sexism.
People always came together to face the storm and grow out of them.
It is all up to our belief whether we can adapt to the circumstances or not.
We should always learn from bad times and always make good use of good times.
That’s the key to getting along with your partner.
#12. The Initiative Is Crucial to Overcome Relationship Struggles
Whether your relationship is on the verge of breaking or you are going through many troubles, if you want to stay with your partner and feel that everything will be right after a while, then the initiative you take to repair your relationship is always proven effective.
After a big fight, if you take the initiative and make your partner feel that they are more important than your needs, then believe that your initiative is commendable enough to strengthen your relationship.
The initiative will always be needed to keep the relationship successful and constantly fresh; a good initiative always brings closeness.
#13. Apologize To Restore the Relationship
One of the hallmarks of a bad relationship is that both sides see apologizing as their weakness, due to which they feel hesitant to apologize even if they want.
According to the study, ‘The Psychology of offering an Apology by Karina Schumann it’s proposed that the reasons why people hesitate to offer an apology or high-quality apologies are,
Low concern for the victim or relationship,
The perceived threat to self-image,
And perceived apology ineffectiveness.
But, if you want to fix your relationship, you must rise above these barriers.
Because if you don’t, what you do is end the 1% scope of repairing a broken relationship.
To cherish any relationship, it is as essential to apologize as to give forgiveness; it is precisely the same as washing and drying cloth.
Here, both water and sunlight make the cloth wearable.
Similarly, both apologizing and offering forgiveness make the relationship believable.
But be sure to be clear on why you are apologizing and ensure you’ve taken enough time to assess what went wrong; be intentional.
#14. Understand Your Moral, Social, and Personal Circle
Even though your relationship is going through a bad phase – facing trust issues, anxiety, separation, etc., if you are fulfilling your moral responsibility towards your partner, you are trying to take your relationship in the right direction.
Here you have a sense of moral obligation and personal or social commitments.
You know how to fulfill all these responsibilities well, then understand that you have almost saved your relationship from being ruined.
Because responsibilities always give strength, courage, and the ability to understand right and wrong.
And if you have all this in you, you will not let anything go wrong.
#15. Be Sure to Give Opportunities to Build Trust to Improve the Relationship
Trust issues in a relationship can never blossom a tree of love.
Therefore, in a broken relationship, it is necessary to create such opportunities to build trust between both parties, which can instill a sense of confidence in both parties towards each other.
And it’s not that it takes a lot of effort to build trust, it’s just small things that ensure that you have unwavering faith in your partner.
For example, if you have life insurance and your partner is a nominee in it, or they are your partner in any of your big projects, or you take your partner’s advice for small household needs.
Now it comes to how do you determine the opportunities to build trust?
Well to build trust you need combined forces of different human fundamental aspects.
You cannot build trust all alone.
And the aspects are,
Transparency.
Respect and…
Loyalty.
Without these, it’s impossible to trust or build it in any given situation.
Let’s discuss each in detail.
#16. Loyalty Is Essential to Keep Yourself Away From a Damaged Relationship
You have to be loyal to your partner to mend a deteriorating relationship because you must understand that hurting feelings will prove fatal for any relationship.
If you are lying to your partner or have a relationship with someone else, then understand that you are not paying attention to your partner’s needs
You don’t care if your infidelity can lead to your partner getting depressed and how bad the outcome will be.
If you are not loyal to your partner, then understand that you do not respect your relationship at all.
And where there is no respect, there’s no love.
And where there’s no love, there’s no relationship.
It has been destroyed.
Also, if you’re not loyal, you cannot expect your partner to be loyal.
Once you cross your line, they might probably cross as well.
And thus, you’ve both entered the phase of a broken relationship.
#17. Controlling and Managing Your Expectations
If the ambition and expectations start exceeding the limit in any relationship, whether the relationship of friendship, husband-wife, or business, then understand that the seeds of condemnation, neglect, and hatred have been planted in that relationship.
It is essential to regulate and control the expectations to live in harmony because the human mind always craves to get something new and thrilled.
And this craving starts to take away that person from his/her loved ones.
The person begins to remain irritable… resentment
He starts to force his people to satisfy his craving which further gives birth to instability in the relationship.
When his expectations don’t get fulfilled, he starts to blame his people.
Both the parties in the relationship should set their expectations according to their partner’s economic, social, and family situation.
This situation can be better controlled by mutual coordination.
#18. Do Not Take Any Wrong Decisions Under Stress or Anger
When the relationship starts deteriorating, it is natural for the person associated with that relationship to go into depression.
But can that person improve his relationship by making some wrong decisions due to depression?
You should answer this.
What’s your mind saying?
What’s your first reaction?
I believe it’s NO.
By taking a bad decision, you are harming yourself and the people you love.
Instead of fixing your relationship with one wrong decision, you are on the contrary worsening it even more.
In a deteriorating relationship, the person makes some bad decisions, such as drinking or getting intoxicated, abusing the partner, harming them, trying to hurt himself, not showing respect to the people in the relationship, adopting bad habits, etc.
Due to even more wrong decisions, a person tends to end the relationship forever.
And from there, it becomes tough to improve the relationship.
Therefore, make every noble effort to fix your relationship with thoughtfulness so that your relationship becomes stronger… be intentional.
#19. Seek professional help
If you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to be working, it may be time to seek professional help.
A professional can help you learn how to communicate effectively, resolve conflict, and deal with other issues that may be affecting your relationship.
While it’s not always easy, repairing the damage in a relationship is possible—if you’re willing to put in the work.
With patience, understanding, and a little effort, you and your partner can get back on track and build a stronger, more intimate connection.
What makes a healthy relationship?
Every relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons.
Part of what defines a healthy relationship is sharing a common goal for exactly what you want the relationship to be and where you want it to go.
And that’s something you’ll only know by talking deeply and honestly with your partner.
However, there are also some characteristics that most healthy relationships have in common.
Knowing these basic principles can help keep your relationship meaningful, fulfilling, and exciting whatever goals you’re working towards or challenges you’re facing together.
A. You maintain a meaningful emotional connection with each other.
You each make the other feel loved and emotionally fulfilled.
There’s a difference between being loved and feeling loved.
When you feel loved, it makes you feel accepted and valued by your partner, like someone truly gets you.
Some relationships get stuck in peaceful coexistence, but without the partners truly relating to each other emotionally.
While the union may seem stable on the surface, a lack of ongoing involvement and emotional connection serves only to add distance between two people.
B. You’re not afraid of (respectful) disagreement.
Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree.
The key to a strong relationship, though, is not to be fearful of conflict.
You need to feel safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation, or insisting on being right.
C. You keep outside relationships and interests alive.
Despite the claims of romantic fiction or movies, no one person can meet all of your needs.
In fact, expecting too much from your partner can put unhealthy pressure on a relationship.
To stimulate and enrich your romantic relationship, it’s important to sustain your own identity outside of the relationship, preserve connections with family and friends, and maintain your hobbies and interests.
D. You communicate openly and honestly.
Good and effective communication is a key part of any relationship.
When both people know what they want from the relationship and feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears, and desires,
…it can increase trust and strengthen the bond between you.
In Conclusion…
Good, healthy relationships will sometimes be challenging.
But it’s all worth it.
You and your partner put yourselves through the challenge for the good things that come from a relationship.
Remember that this is always the case, even during the best phases of a relationship.
The challenge is further amplified during or after a separation.
Our faulty ideas of love, alone, won’t keep a relationship functioning.
It needs care and attention to allow both partners to grow and develop throughout its course.
A relationship can’t stay like it is during the first stages, skillful partnership will be required to make things work.
A healthy relationship will only happen if both people are prepared to work at the outcome, making sure all of the key elements work.
The most difficult challenges can be overcome with two people working together, for the mutual good.
If you have been going through difficult times, it can be hard to get a perspective on things.
It’s possible to do this with logical, sensible thinking.
Remember that the person you love has not disappeared, no matter what the circumstances.
You must reconnect with that person, allowing them to reconnect to you, in order to build or rebuild a solid, healthy relationship.
The main reasons why relationships fail are loss of trust, poor communication, lack of respect, a difference in priorities, and little intimacy.
A common trajectory for the end of a relationship is the slow tapering-off; a protracted period of tell-tale signs and wilful denial, as motivation to patch things up dwindles in one or both partners. A sudden, sharp break can feel more shocking, but it’s also clearer.
A toxic relationship is one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked. On a basic level, any relationship that makes you feel worse rather than better can become toxic over time.
In this lesson, you will discover, not just how many marriages end in divorce, but how it is different for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd marriages.
I want to blame someone for divorces.
I will also reveal some deeper insights to these lagging indicators which is a limitation to the only numbers and percentages that we know as I reveal in this lesson.
A few days ago, I was listening to a livestream on Youtube in the men’s community called the manosphere or “red pill” as they discussed the prevalent and unfortunate gender wars.
Before stumbling into this community a few months ago, I didn’t realize that there were so many men that could come off as so hateful to women.
I’ve always known about some women’s communities even as far back as when I was a child in the late 80’s to the 90’s.
It’s mostly women who have had a certain type of experience in marriage who end up in these communities.
I always knew that men had their own struggles. But little did I know that some gurus had found ways to capitalize on it and build extremely toxic communities.
In the women’s communities, the rhetoric is typically “Men are Scum.” They go back and forth with real-life stories emphasizing this belief.
What I found with the men’s community is the “logical claim” to avoid marriage altogether because of these first 5 stats, percentages, and figures.
This data is according to a study conducted by the American Sociological Association in 2015, which by the way, the number jumps to 90% for university-educated women.
So the logic for the men in the red pill community is this.
“If there is a 70% chance that the woman I love with my life will suddenly pull the plug for no damn reason, why should I get married?”
While that question is valid, it is also flawed in many ways.
What if we assume that there are reasons that you as a mortal being just couldn’t see? What if the question changes to…
“Do I have some type of control or at least influence over my wife’s experiences and choices to stay a lifetime in our marriage or not?”
Well, it is easier for certain weak people to run for the exit at any level of exposure to potential pain and it’s harder to ask questions that true leaders continue to build empires with.
There is absolutely room for true leaders who are willing to learn what it takes to make the modern woman trust, respect and submit to the authority of marriage.
It’s really this simple. The more empowered your wife feels the less she will tolerate certain types of disregard that women endured 50 years ago.
As a man, you cannot afford to show up halfway in your masculine core to your marriage.
It has nothing to do with honesty, integrity, and any obvious words people tend to throw around in these conversations. Those are bare minimums for any human being
It has everything to do with how you are able to make your particular wife feel safe, secure, and loved consistently. Consistency is an important ingredient.
If you are a typical woman, it’s about engaging the power of the almighty feminine energy and your awareness of how you can make it work for your marriage.
Stat #4 – 45% Of All First Marriages End In Divorce
I find it interesting that most people don’t dwell on this number going into their first relationship or marriage. But it becomes a thing, again, after certain types of experiences.
Also, this number is often inflated to 50% when these toxic online communities utilize these stats as talking points and you can imagine how scary that is.
Depending on your level of expectations of marriage as a bed of roses,
hearing these stats can throw you off a healthy base.
And it’s even worse when the audience has experienced heartbreak at any level. They will naturally have their guards up.
With my experience and expertise,
I’ve found that such guards end up falling over and killing every chance of an awesome life and love for the person who puts them up.
Stat #3 – 60% Of Second Marriages End In Divorce
There are many people who end up in these toxic online communities wasting away time they could have been spending building themselves.
Eventually, they come back to being human and falling in love prematurely without healing. So they end up creating even worse statistics than that of first marriages.
Avoiding marriage is essentially a false sense of security. As we now know, love, connection, and contribution to others are basic human emotional needs.
Instead of avoiding it, it’s better to lean in and learn how long-lasting marriages work and what makes them work.
Running from marriage for most people is like running away from your own shadow; you will end up coming off as crazy and potentially hurting yourself along with others.
Stat #2 – 73% Of All Third Marriages End In Divorce
Contrary to “know it all’s”, people don’t enjoy jumping from marriages to marriages only to destroy it all over and create even worse statistics.
It’s a void that they are trying to fill; love, connection, companionship, contribution, and significance.
These are accomplished through relationships and more so fruitfully through long-term relationships and marriages.
Where they get it wrong is by not healing their pain properly with time, knowledge, mentorship, coaching, counseling and/or therapy.
Again, running from a marriage without proper self-reflection is like running from your own shadows. You will start looking crazy, hurt more people and yourself.
Stat #1 – Correlation Between Economy & Divorce Rate
The United States has the 6th highest divorce rate in the world.
Coincidentally, or is it? The United States is also the 6th greatest nation on earth presently.
So is there a correlation between economic empowerment or not?
There is and it’s not necessarily just economic… but all types of empowerment (especially social empowerment).
For many men, this means we should discourage women from being empowered. That may be a “logical solution” but is that a holistic solution?
Doesn’t that sound like a quick easy exit or escapism from much-required work?
Is logic not also a function of the human emotional and innate need for growth for both man and woman? Don’t we all want some level of more freedom in our lives?
So tell me in the comment area what your thoughts are around this topic
so that we can create more videos enlightening and empowering ourselves as people in modern society.
In this lesson, you will discover 5 things that you can focus on to make your wife miss you during a separation in marriage.
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Sorry to hear that you may be going through this but I got you. I want to tell you a story about James and his wife who are separated but living together.
So James was a guy who dropped us an email. He has been separated from his wife for a while now due to multiple issues.
Based on his confession, his wife finally had enough of him constantly putting her down and she asked for a separation with the goal of divorce.
They have been married since 2010 and have two kids together.
According to him, the kids are why they have decided to live together but separated for the time being.
James doesn’t want divorce but he understands that his wife is comfortable and will need to miss their romance in order to get back together; hence his question.
Believe it or not, separation may not have been a bad thing for your marriage.
When there is a breakdown in attraction, the negative things are easier to focus on than all the numerous positive things happening, evident by the fact that there is room to complain.
This behavior subsequently creates the further deterioration of attraction in the marriage and this is why most couples in separation are in a vicious cycle.
Guess what you can start doing to rebuild attraction; the direct opposite. Whatever you focus on expands; positive or negative.
So one extremely seductive thing you can do now is to make a different choice; focus on all the positive things and ignore the negative things unless it is safety, security or core value related.
Thing #4 – Gratitude
This is an attitude to life. It is still true to a large extent that you attract things into your life based on your attitude about life.
In the midst of separation, most people become very weak to the point that all they can do is swing along with things and wing things along.
They also tend to point fingers at everyone and everything else but self which is another way to disengage from self-improvement.
If your wife doesn’t get pointing-fingers from you, she will miss you because she will gradually start growing respect for you.
Without a strong personal purpose in life, there is a good chance that you will have a lot of time in your hands for nonsensical activities.
You know what they say about the idle mind; it’s the devil’s playground right?
If you are thinking about your separation right now, there is a chance that you are not as engaged with your personal life mission and purpose.
When you are engaged with your purpose as a man, it’s only natural for you to create a space of respect and healthy distance around you without you having to ignore her.
Your wife will miss you because she can feel the change especially if you both have good memories from the past together.
Thing #2 – Self-Love
This is simpler than most people understand. If you don’t love yourself, others, including your estranged wife, will mimic that behavior.
It has to be absolutely clear to her that you love yourself way too much to wait around and throw your life away for her to miss being in love with you.
She doesn’t get to decide if she wants to miss you or not if you get this right.
I understand that it is almost an oxymoron to ask you to “let go” while trying to make your wife miss you; I’m guessing… in order to rekindle romance in your marriage.
Think about it. Your wife is running for a reason.
From a mental standpoint, the last thing you want to do to a person who feels like running is to convince them otherwise.
People don’t run from what they passive as pleasure or relief. They run from pain or anything they perceive as painful at least until you change that experience for them.
So “letting go” for you may feel painful which is why you may naturally be running from the idea of letting go but that is where the work lies for you.
So tell me in the comment area which of these 5 things has proven to be the hardest for you to do and we will see about doing a video tip on making it easier for you.
Also check out the 30 minutes free coaching and discovery session that we will give you access to right after the download.
Hit the like button and check out the video on the screen for more information on how to rekindle and build an awesome marriage and legacy without being a simp or a pick-me.
In this lesson, you will discover 5 actionable steps to seducing your husband towards saving your marriage and finally building real love.
Cynthia was struggling with codependency within the context of being in a marriage to a depressed man.
Her husband claims to love her, in love with her, love being around her but the marriage just doesn’t feel the same to him any longer.
She became confused and didn’t know where to start with trying to rekindle things. In fact, she had started to resent him because he refused counseling for 18 months.
As usual, we offered Cynthia these 5 actionable steps to help her create new experiences and attract her husband to desire life and love again.
Feel free to copy and paste this into your marriage if you are going through similar issues.
While you may feel like your husband is being disingenuous with the excuses for not feeling the same way about your marriage, you need to believe him.
Keep in mind that believing him doesn’t translate to believing that he is telling the truth.
You are simply believing that he has chosen the best way he dimmed fit to express his experience.
The actual truth will always be a function of time and your ability to take the next 4 steps in saving your marriage.
Also by believing him, you will transfer some of that anxiety you are carrying over to him as he wonders why you are not feeling a need to push back.
This is how believing him could play out. Just say this after expressing himself.
“Okay. What else is on your mind?” The idea is to create a surprise element as to why you are not overreacting.
By doing so, you would have helped create a new experience in your marriage. You will also be able to feed your codependency in a healthy way by practicing giving.
2nd Step – Don’t Diagnose Him
These days, most women would pick up psychological books and start labeling their spouse different psychology and mental health-related terminologies.
I am talking about terms and self-diagnosis such as:
Narcissist
Controlling
Depression
Cognitive Disorder
Anxiety
Socially Awkward
And ETC.
This is a great mistake because it will get the husband to naturally raise his guards.
When you label your husband as such (even if you are right), you would be effectively focusing on all the negative things and you will push him further away.
Anything you focus on will expand in your marriage; positive or negative. So it is in your best interest to avoid self-diagnosis of any type; not even self-diagnosing yourself.
If some type of psychological disorder diagnosis is necessary, the 5th step in this lesson will be the proper way to achieve that.
So it is important to not tear down with random diagnosis, especially when you know that you may want to depend on this person later.
If you have codependency traits, this is going to be very hard for you but that is actually a good thing. Let me explain.
Anything or anyone that’s readily available gets taken for granted. I will guess that the last space you want to be in your marriage is to be easily taken for granted.
This is a balancing act. While it is nice to be able to spend as much time as possible with a person you love, keep in mind that this is “another person.”
So when you are in a marriage with a person that keeps going back and forth with divorce threats, they obviously are taking you for granted.
At this point, the reason is irrelevant because if your husband values you at this moment, he wouldn’t be interested in potentially losing you.
So the best way to reverse that is to give him the space he is suggesting to the best of your ability.
That doesn’t necessarily have to be filing the divorce.
I am talking about space as small as just a moment for them to process how they are feeling. It can also be as big as a few nights in a nice hotel room.
It’s also good to help you balance out your codependency traits. We all depend on each other but you do not want to be operating in codependency at a toxic level.
How do you know if it’s toxic?
It becomes toxic when a partner you depend on starts to take you for granted; some space for yourself (more importantly) is necessary at that point.
At this stage, it will be extremely helpful for you to activate self-love at its highest level possible because you just can’t attract what you cannot give to yourself.
Excessive emotional and psychological dependency on another human, especially if it’s a spouse, is a direct result of suffering.
If you were already giving yourself love, you would probably crave less for it.
In real life, it means learning your personal love language and loving yourself in that language; your environment will have no choice but to mimic after you.
This is easier said than done especially if you are codependent but this is the work and in this space lies the greatest rewards from your marriage.
5th Step To Save Your Marriage – Invite To Counseling
Please do not attempt this step if you have not personally engaged in counseling, therapy, or coaching personally in addition to steps 1- 4.
It is almost always equivalent to manipulation and gaslighting when your first solution is to drag your husband to therapy and counseling.
Most people go there to point fingers and it usually creates more problems.
It is key to be prepared as an individual which is how you will learn how to properly invite your husband to therapy and take full advantage of it.
Also, if there is any necessary clinical diagnosis of a psychological disorder, it will be better received since it is coming from a professional who is trained to do so.
Yes, he may seem depressed. You may be accurate but you will create more problems for yourself if you call him depressed. This may be the missing wisdom.
Hit the like button and check out the video on the screen for more information on how to prepare yourself to better seduce your husband into life and love together again.
