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35 Warning Signs Your Wife is Cheating ❤️

By the very fact that you are seeking this information, I would assume that you already have your suspicions about your wife cheating.

I am sorry that you are going through that.

It’s gotta be a painful place to find yourself and your marriage.

A part of me wants to suggest that you trust your instinct but another part wants me to warn you of the blurry or fine line between unhealthy insecurity and your suspicions.

Once you embark on these types of feelings about your wife’s level of faithfulness, it’s very hard to go back.

In essence, the mind is very delicate and it’s hard to resist the urge to find more information to confirm your suspicion once your inclination is already in that space.

WARNING! These 35 exhausted signs are not equivalent to absolute truth. 

If you treat it as such, you can potentially destroy your relationship with a good woman in the case where she had been innocent.

I would encourage you to find clarity between your suspicion and insecurities as you explore the possibilities that your wife is cheating on you.  

But they can also overlap or both can be true at the same time.

These 35 signs below are just that; signs.  

There are many times that any individual sign or even combination does not necessarily mean that your wife is cheating.

So be cautious with what you do with this information.

The pain associated with betrayal from a wife, partner or spouse is terrible and can seem unbearable.

But I assure you that whatever it is will make you stronger if and only if you don’t take her responsibilities with yours.

You are just as responsible because we are talking about a relationship but keep in mind that a choice is made for every time a person cheats.

If you play the blame game, it will result in feelings of guilt trip and your feelings just get hurt and worse.

What is Cheating in a Marriage?

PREVIOUS POST: Managing Unrealistic EXPECTATION in Relationships & Marriages ❤️

Cheating is beyond sexual activities. 

That just happens to be the most popular and considered to be the most hurtful by most people.

It means that your wife is involved in activities she wouldn’t want you to know about because, precisely, it will hurt your feelings if you find out.

If any one of the signs below becomes one of 18 other signs on the list, it would be possible indication that your wife is up to some bad behaviors.

However, any one sign as a stand alone can also have 1,000 other reasons outside of cheating or infidelity.

These are some signs that “may” indicate that your wife is cheating on you.

1, She Changed Her Passwords

There are, of course, many other reasons why your wife may have changed her passwords or passcodes for social media and smart devices.

If she is also involved in extra marital affairs, she would also want to cover her tracks on the various communication channels.

This is especially true if she had never password protected in the past or if she had always shared the information.

With that being said, privacy and a sense of individuality can be very healthy for your relationship with your wife as it can improve a sense of freedom.

2, She accuses you of cheating.

As humans, we tend to project our belief systems on others.

If your wife has never caught you in a cheating act of any type 

But somehow concludes at accusing you of cheating, there is a good chance that she is projecting her guilt on you as blame.

Guilt, blame and condemnation tend to work hand in hand and that’s usually against the idea of a healthy relationship.

If she’s engaged in cheating behavior, it’s only natural that she would believe other people are just like that. 

It’s a self-justification mechanism.

3, She removed your family name from her social media profiles.

If your wife changed her name to your family name when you got married and has recently changed her last name or surname on social media, 

That’s a red flag.

If you have been experiencing problems in your relationship with her in recent times, then this will probably not mean anything more than you already know.

But if it happened out of nowhere, the act in itself is already a form of rebellion and can be an indication that she is receiving unhealthy external attention.

4, She suddenly started going straight to the shower when she came home.

Even if your wife is only engaged in emotional affairs, she can feel dirty mentally.

So you can imagine if she’s getting physical with another man.  

This could mean anything or a one-of occasion and it definitely doesn’t mean much if she’s always done this.

But it can mean a whole lot, including cheating if it’s complete new behavior along with 17 other other signs.

5, She was diagnosed with STD

A sexually transmitted disease (STD) can also be transferred between very faithful couple 

…but  it can also be a sign of cheating if it correlates with 17 or more other signs.

6, She claims you are not making her happy

It is not your responsibility to make your wife happy; all you can do is love her.

But if you are married to a person who doesn’t know that, one of the first signs she may show if she is or about to cheat is…

…actually say it out that you no longer make her happy.

If she doesn’t know that making her happy is not your responsibility, she is weak and at least capable of cheating.

7, She doesn’t post pictures of you on social media anymore.

The keyword there is “anymore.”

If she has never posted you online in the past, bringing this up will attract negative and toxic energy into your relationship.

But if this is recent behavior, this is more of a sign that your wife is not proud of the relationship she has with you but can also represent a sign of your worst fears.

8, She avoids some restaurants

If you are taking your wife out and in recent times, you noticed that she is suddenly avoiding certain favorite restaurant,

That’s bad news… man.

She may have been hanging out at the same restaurant with a new boyfriend…

Maybe?  

Maybe she’s just discovered that she is allergic to these particular restaurants’ food.

9, She wants to try new sex moves

What kind of a faithful wife suddenly starts a desire for explicit sex stunts in the bedroom?

She is likely to have tried it with a possible new fling and wants to see if you are capable of making her stop wanting to see him.

This is another sign you probably should pay close attention to.

She couldn’t just be wanting to spice things up between the two of you right?

It must be that she’s just up to no good.

10, She calls you by another name in bed

TRENDING: Sexless Marriage ❤️ Does my Marriage Still Have a Chance⁉️

Wow… women can be cruel.  

If she called you another man’s name while giving it to her enough to be screaming, wouldn’t that mean she was thinking about the other guy at that moment?

But she could also just be actively trying to use role play or her movie crush to spice things up for you all in the bedroom.

Who knows?

11, She stays late at work 

Your wife may be staying extra late at work for many reasons including the reason she claims.

But what are the chances that she has been taking advantage of this excuse to cheat on you with a coworker?

It’s probably wise to ask her how her days go and use that opportunity to listen to sneaky hidden details.

12, She suddenly wants girls trip

There is nothing wrong with a girls trip for your wife but everything can go wrong at those girls trips right?

What types of friends want to remove a wife from her home for 3-5 days in a row?

Be careful here because restricting her may work against the goals you are trying to achieve.

13, Unusual expenses

If, in recent times, you’ve noticed unusual expenses on your wife’s personal bank account, ask yourself…

What were you looking for on her personal bank account?  

If these expenses have been made at a motel around the corner from her job, it is exactly what you think it is. 

Is it?

At least, you will end up reacting accordingly.

14, On toilet for longer periods with the phone

You’ve noticed that she has been hanging out a lot in the bathroom claiming to be pooping.

Maybe you can set up cameras in that bit*h and find out what she’s up to.

Or she could just be playing games on her phone… 

There are only 2.5 ways to find out.

15, She doesn’t say “I Love You” Anymore

This right here depends on if she used to and then suddenly has stopped.

Could it be that she is falling out of love with you? If that’s the case, she must surely be falling for the person she’s cheating with right?

Negative.

16, She consistently lies

Obviously a liar will steal; that’s what we learned as kids growing up in Africa.

Never mind white lies and the fact that most human beings do it every now and then.

Your wife is not most people, she is cheating on you if she lies consistently.

She is practicing for when she will need to lie to you about her secret boyfriend… that’s not making sense right?

17, Too many friends you’ve never met

What is she hiding her friends for?

She must be using these people who you don’t know to hide her bad cheating behaviors.

Or you get very jealous about the fact that she has a private life outside of you and that makes you get very defensive.

I am sure you have concluded that it must be the former.

18, She hugs up on doing the laundry

The clothes must be smelling of disgusting cheating activities in the dirty laundry.  

She probably doesn’t want you to detect it.

19, She treats you like a friend

You just found out that you have been friend-zoned in your own home by your own wife.

Energy is neither created nor destroyed; so where has she been channeling that energy?

To a secret boyfriend?

…or women can shut down if they don’t feel safe and secure?  

What do you think?

20, Hangs out longer in front of the mirror

I am sure you are wondering who she is trying to look good to impress when she has in fact walked around the house stank all these years.

21, She asks weird questions about cheating

That must mean she is either already cheating on you or at least considering it.

What are weird questions? 

Are they designed to reverse psychology the guilt back on you?

22, She is always angry around you

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It couldn’t possibly be that she is simply not happy about the relationship.

The only reason in this world why she could be angry is that she is or wants to cheat on you.

23, She opened a different bank account

But why?  

Why can’t you just have one joint account as a married couple?  

It must be because she’s a cheater and she wants to make secret spendings.

Or everyone still needs a level of individuality?

24, She cheated before

“Once a cheater, always a cheater.” 

Ever heard that before?

If considered that people do grow from bad behavior, it creates a different angle for this conversation entirely… right?

25, She avoids your friends

It could be that your friends have already caught her in the midst of bad behavior and she’s avoiding them.

She could also outrightly not like your friends and can’t stand being around them.

26, Drastic change in Sexual Desires

If she suddenly gets turned off from being intimate with you, she must be channeling that to a secret boyfriend.

On the flip side, if she suddenly wants to start having sex like rabbits, she must be learning from somewhere… a secret boyfriend?

27, She removed her relationship status from social media

Of course, she did.

She wouldn’t want her secret fling to get jealous of the type of love you are showing her at home.

28, She attempts to spend important holidays without you

She is in love with a secret boyfriend so she’d rather spend valentine’s with the person she is in love with.

Don’t forget that she still loves you at least; she is just not in love with you any longer.

29, She gains sudden desire to go to the gym

Why must she look good and fit suddenly after all this time that she hasn’t cared to look good for you? 

She must be up to no good.

She could also be finding and discovering her better self by investing in some fitness effort.

30, Replies your text messages in one-word

A woman who is in love with you tends to want to share everything with you even when they are not the talker in the relationship.

So if she just responds with one-word answers, you may find yourself wondering what she is up to with the rest of the time.

A secret boyfriend? Maybe?

31, She references friends you’ve never met

The real question is why won’t she just bring or invite them around for you to meet?

As a married person, do you really need to keep a separate life outside your marriage or spouse?

32, Her phone is always silent

If her phone rang out loud every time she receives those evil texts, how would she keep it a secret?  

That can ruin the excitement she gets from her secret affairs.

So it makes sense that she would silence the phone so that you won’t randomly pick up and find out the obvious.

33, She claims to be too busy to talk on the phone when she is at work

This is similar to the one-word text replies.

What happened to the good ol’ days when she couldn’t wait to talk to you on the phone?

Clearly all that energy could be going somewhere inappropriate.

34, She asked you for space

What does a married woman need space for?

Married women are supposed to be virtuous women of God and never get tired or too lazy to carry the emotional weight of a marriage.

After-all, she is a supper woman.

35, She takes every opportunity to not be around you

She hates you now; she is cheating.

Conclusion 

Syke… lol

If you are in a state of reviewing this and actually find it as prophetic as opposed to the sarcastic piece that it is, you deserve a wife who is cheating on you.

There is a good chance that you have enabled her bad behaviors if in fact, she is cheating… 

She may not be cheating at all; but she obviously is not in love with you.

You should focus on learning these terrible insecurity you have just displayed here 

…and build yourself because you are about to push your wife away forever with your fear.

In life, you attract what you fear the most.

On the flip side, if you have paid attention to none or just a few of these 35 (many times just normal) behaviors, congratulations as you have a better chance of working on and getting your marriage back.

Don’t worry about blank suspicions and signs that are obviously not backed by facts. Focus on attracting her back in love with you.

A woman who is in love does not leave, and damn sure has no room for affection physically or emotionally with another person.

If you want more of this, go to LOLAandOLA.com

And go download the book GET MY MARRIAGE BACK

Absolutely FREE!

If you are interested in a coaching session, just go under the product page at LOLAandOLA.com and I’ll see you at the top.

Frequently Asked Question [FAQ]

There are 35 signs we have identified but there is no single one that can be a good indicator. You will need at least 18 of the warning signs here to call a red flag.

If you suspect that your wife is cheating, you need to seek counseling and find out why you would attract a cheater as a wife before doing anything else.

It sounds like you have not caught her red-handed which means there is a good chance that you are showcasing insecurity. If you are so sure, refocus back on finding out why you would be attracting a cheater as a wife.

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7 Stages of Emotional Affairs + Additional TIPS

Welcome back to LOLAandOLA.com.  Let’s talk about the 7 stages of an emotional affair; a sequel to “5 signs of an emotional affair”.  

Be sure to watch that video too. 

As usual, we are answering your question.  Feel free to continue leaving them in the comment area or send an email to [email protected]

Let’s check out this story.

“So my wife seems to be having an emotional affair with her boss. 

She locked me out of her home computer a few months back (it was shared). 

Just before that I noticed she’d been trying to find a way to stop her phone messages being saved in the cloud.

When I did see some of her messages she’s been texting with him all times of day and at weekends. 

When she went away on a trip a couple of times, he was getting pictures and texts etc. I got nothing.

He talks back with her a lot. 

She’s deleted a lot of the texts (presumably the worst ones??). 

Some of the texts seem to be suggestive but I can’t see if they lead anywhere but I don’t think anything physical has happened. 

It’s more flirting.”

Sorry about this trauma.  It’s going to take a lot of work to get out of this funk.  And I am sorry you have to go through this.  

Maybe understanding the stages of emotional affairs can help you put things in better perspective so you can move forward in the most effective way.

Let’s get into it.

Stage 1

Void

Void

In order for another person to occupy the space of intimacy in a relationship, there must be some type of void.

This is not to blame or assign fault away from the transgressor to the other partner but to highlight the fact that it is what it is.

If you caught your partner in this type of bad behavior, always remember it’s not your fault but that’s not equivalent to not assuming responsibility in the overall status of your relationship.  

Stage 2

Friendship

You’ve always had friends anyway.  For women, they often need to feel safe and secure.  

So the closest person to that when there is a void they want to fill in their present relationship or marriage are ex’s.

Ladies.  Be careful with keeping friendships with your exes.  It might seem innocent because after all there are stages.  

You probably already know that everything feels wrong but right at the same time with this inappropriate relationship.

If you are not careful, you will eventually find yourself justifying it.  Don’t wait for it because again, friendship is a seemingly innocent stage of emotional affairs.

Stage 3

Sharing

In this stage, the transgressor is getting comfortable and starting to share intimate details with the loser on the side.

Why are they losers?  It’s just the reality because you are clearly not 100% emotionally available but yet, they are hoping to build something serious usually.

There is a void as I stated in stage one but it is not the same thing as being emotionally available which is a requirement for a healthy relationship.

Not only was that lady sharing details, when she went away on a trip a couple of times, the loser was getting pictures and texts while the husband got nothing.

At this point, the marriage is in the danger zone.

Stage 4

Secrecy

Secrecy

What happens next?  The transgressor is leaving exhibits and digital footprints on SMS, text messages and WhatsApp right?

These are now secrets which in this context can be described somewhat as lies.  They have to tell more lies and create more secrets to cover up.

But there is a problem.

No matter how much they try to delete messages, it gets worse because even though… remember that story… 

“She’s deleted a lot of the worst texts ,the remaining seem to be suggestive.”

Yes he couldn’t see if they led anywhere or think anything physical had happened.  But the mind doesn’t know that.

Stage 5

Fantasy

Up till this stage, nothing has necessarily happened physically.  But the natural order of things is for the mind to engage images of going all the way through.

At this stage, the transgressor is starting to fantasize not just about physical intimacy but also about what life could be like with the side person.

The mind won’t rest or let’s flip it.  The mind may not be able to comprehend the danger in all of these until a physical act has happened.

That’s why people would call it a mistake while in reality this can only be realistically described as premeditated in reality. 

Stage 6

Dependency

At this stage, the transgressor has spent a lot of energy on this side relationship.  Yes.  they might as well call it a relationship because it’s denial.

They’ve started to fantasize about life with this person and the last thing they want you to call the interaction is an affair.

If you don’t speak to them in a day, your mind won’t rest.  It’s an unhealthy dependency because you can’t really live in truth; nonetheless a dependency.

Don’t forget that the transgressor still depends on the actual partner for something hence the difficulty in just leaving as opposed to cheating.  

Justification

Stage 7

Justification

At this stage, a transgressor is actively trying to turn a lie into a truth.  

Actually, they are probably being honest since they have been intimate with another person consistently over a period of time.  

There is an illusion of greener grass on the other side.

So even though it’s a dishonest lifestyle, it was filling a void and therefore feels like the truth and it’s just being actively justified.

At least, it might feel justified.  It is not.  That band aid must be ripped off that open and rotten wound once and for all.

Many pieces of advice on the internet will probably be conclusive and I know that you probably don’t want to end the marriage.  So it’s confusing at best.

You might not know how far the affair has gone but it really doesn’t matter.  Emotional affairs can hurt just as much if not more because of the fear of the unknown.   

Reference our last video for recovery tips if you’ve caught your partner in this bad behavior.  It’s called “5 Signs of An Emotional Affair + 5 RECOVERY TIPS”.

We share our own story inside the book “GET MY MARRIAGE BACK” which  you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

Please support this video by hitting the thumbs up and share with us below what you’d like us to cover on the next video.

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5 Signs of An Emotional Affair + 5 RECOVERY TIPS 

Let’s talk about the 5 signs of an emotional affair.

Welcome back to LOLAandOLA.com.  

As usual, we are answering your question.  Feel free to continue leaving them in the comment area or send an email to [email protected]

So should you separate after an emotional affair?  Check out this story… 

“I am 38 years old. I recently realized my 34 years old wife has had an emotional affair for the last four years.

The past two weeks have been hell for me. We’ve been married for 9 years and have two beautiful kids. 

I caught my wife last week chatting with someone and when I confronted her she said it was just a casual talk with a friend for stress relief and that it started a few months ago.

As I dug up more evidence she has gradually admitted that the affair started four years ago and now has finally admitted that he was her ex lover in college. 

She has apologized and said that she will end for good and that she is ashamed of having continued it for so long.

But I find myself obsessively rewinding all the things I did over the last four years. 

She had the affair through almost half of our married life, through the birth of our second child and even when I was hospitalized.

I can’t seem to move on and have a gnawing feeling of doubt mixed with anger, jealousy and sadness.”

First of all, I am very sorry for the emotional pain this has probably caused you and your family.  This is not going to be easy.

What is An Emotional Affair?  Good Question.

An emotional affair involves emotional intimacy with a person other than a partner that you are committed to even when it doesn’t involve physical intimacy.  It can hurt just as much if not more. 

As usual, we want to share the top 5 signs that you or your marriage may be suffering from an emotional affair.  And then we will add 5 tips for recovery for you.

Let’s get into it.

Sign Number 5

Absence or Fantasy

So this sign is like two-in-one because sometimes the transgressor is also wondering if their behavior is inappropriate or dangerous.

If you find yourself fantasizing over and over about another person in a romantic way, this may be a sign of an emotional affair or a brewing one at least.

On the flip side, if you notice that your partner seems absent in the relationship, there is usually no vacuum of energy. There is a reason.  

Your partner is probably intimate with another person at least emotionally.  After all, we are talking about something that’s all in the mind.

But then everything in life starts from the mind.

Recovery tip number five is that it’s not your fault.  

But then I am guessing we are talking about a person you love and want to nurture a better relationship with.

So “this”… not being your fault doesn’t mean you can’t assume responsibility in rekindling your relationship with a better foundation.

Sign Number 4

Secrecy

Secrecy

Naturally when a partner is involved in inappropriate behavior, they might start doing things in secret.

The concept of a secret lover is not a joke.  But it doesn’t necessarily start like that.  It starts long before that.

We are talking about signs right? The symptoms!  That’s why you want to make sure you watch the next video on the stages of emotional affairs.

At this stage however, it’s probably becoming obvious that your partner is actively hiding something over a period of time.

If they were planning a surprise party for you, this suspicious feeling you have… probably won’t last longer than a couple of weeks.

Recovery tip number four if it’s no longer a secret is that you should take some time and space away from the relationship.

There is no good decision that can be made when you are hurting emotionally.

Sign Number 3

Greener Grass

If you are on the receiving side of this bad behavior, you are probably starting to hear your spouse compare you to random others.

You’ve been noticing that nothing you do is good enough.  But also, there is an unfair comparison with your partner’s friends, siblings or randoms.

As a transgressor, you should simply know that the grass is probably greener on the other side because someone is watering it or it’s flat-out synthetic.

It’s FAKE!

Our recovery tip number three is that you should engage wise counsel.  Better yet if you can afford it, engage a therapist.

Don’t attempt to get out of this funk with common sense tactics, advice or by your own self.  It’s much more complicated than right and wrong.

Sign Number 2

Emotional Tampon


Emotional Tampon

Ideally, your partner should be spending their gist and relaxation time with you because we are all busy with life right?

You can’t wait to come back to a partner you are in love with.

So when a partner seems like they’d rather spend hours on the phone with some other BFF who acts as their emotional tampon, it might be a sign of concern.

Likewise if you’ve noticed that you enjoy time with some old friend, especially an ex, that’s the danger zone and the end is probably not going to be good. 

Recovery tip number two – If you catch your partner already, like the story I shared earlier, determine if they still want the marriage.

It’s not the determining factor if you should leave the marriage or not but it’s a condition because you can’t afford to negotiate “desire” in a romantic relationship.

Sign Number 1

Consistency

So none of these signs are valid unless it’s consistent over a period of time.  There is no one event that can dictate the fate of your relationship.

Consistency

You must have noticed emotional absence, secrecy tendencies, unfair comparisons, inappropriate engagements with friends… all of these signs over a period of time.

As for recovery tip number one, do you still want the marriage?  Rember that you can’t want the marriage more than your partner in this type of situation.

This is the first of a two-part sequel.  

So make sure you are subscribed with all notifications turned on in order to get notified when part 2 “The Stages of Emotional Affairs” is released.

We share our own story inside the book “GET MY MARRIAGE BACK” which  you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

Please support this video by hitting the thumbs up and share with us below what you’d like us to cover on the next video.

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INFIDELITY: Woman SET HUSBAND ON FIRE for Cheating! (When will MEN learn?)

First of all, this is a stupid question.  

According to Punch News, the man was deleted by his wife who set him ablaze after a conflict.

A family member of the victim said that the woman locked her husband up and set the house on fire over suspicion of an extra-marital affair.

That’s the story and particularly that’s all I need to know about the story.  The part where a whole human life was deleted.

Until… of course… internet trolls started running their mouths carelessly.

By the way… 

A quick shout out to my sister Bridget of Obodo Oyinbo TV where I was allowed to be a guest to discuss my personal observations and opinion of whether Red Pill-ed men are husband material or not.

I didn’t go there as an expert.  I went there as an observer of the red pill community with a personal opinion but also as a man who is blessed with results that many men desire.

To say the least, it was interesting.  Just go ahead and search for “Obodo Oyinbo TV” on YouTube and support her.  She is an extremely generous supporter of our platforms.

Back to this infidelity slash cheating slash human deletion story.  Crazy right?

I personally heard a significant number of women saying he deserved to be roasted  because he cheated on his lady. 

Can you imagine a person who talks like this creating any good romantic experience for themselves and others in this life?

Answer me in the comment area below….

Some men said women should prepare for the fact that all men will cheat.  Is that the solution to preventing these types of stories between lovers?

What exactly is the solution here without pretending that we don’t know that these people were once romantic lovers?

Most people having these conversations online continue to talk from their ass because they never acknowledge that these are or were romantic relationships where they never planned to end up in a terrible predicament.

They also never acknowledge how they could personally relate with these stories.  

I will be forced to wonder if you are a coward even if you are right that the internet is not a safe space to speak your mind.

What is it about infidelity and cheating that will make you say stupid things that doesn’t serve you or anyone listening?

To be clear again, that question “When will men learn?” is a stupid question.

Any question designed to ignite the epidemic of the digital gender war with or without good intentions and from men or women is a stupid question.

Gentlemen, endless subtle competition with women will always put you at a disadvantage.

Arguing with women with respect to romantic matters puts you below women; not equal but below.

I understand the over-reactive rhetoric against fake feminism a.k.a toxicity, but just like in a real life relationship, over-reaction are actions you are responsible for.

And like I said, it puts you at a disadvantage.

Gentlemen, you are indirectly subscribing to equality in romance, relationships and marriage when you engage endless arguments with women.  

It doesn’t work particularly because it discounts the complimentary strength in romantic relationships significantly.

How do you compliment each other if you are equal?  That already sounds stupid right?

It is true.  Two things can be true at the same time.  But I am looking at this from a place of mindset abundance and/or scarcity.  It’s just a question to ask yourself.

Here is an example of statements that tells me that you as a man will think of yourself as equal to your woman and effectively become a loser that she will potentially dump.  

And I quote…

“If you are going to judge a man based on his gender, you as a woman should expect the same thing from the men.”

Let me guess.  This is accountability right?  False.  

losing respect

This is just a man who talks too damn much.  This is a man who has already lost respect hence the cry out in the wrong direction for help.

I get it… Anyone, including women, could find that statement to be reasonable and harmless.  But it is harmful to your mindset.  

It is even more harmful for a man who talks like this from a place of ignorance, lack of experience and good intentions.

Good intentions are overrated.  

You need wisdom and humility because your lens, filters and outlook on life have dangerous limitations especially when it comes to romantic relationships and marriage.

Oh… it’s even worse if you are listening to Pick-Me women influencers encouraging you to hold your ground as a “MASCULINE STOIC” man.  It’s a set up.  That’s weak.

If you don’t believe me, marry one of them and I’m patient to discuss the outcome.

Masculinity with respect to romance and the human experience is rarely physical.  It’s energy.  Invisible energy for the most part.  And again, it’s not the woman’s responsibility to know that.

Let’s get back to the story.

The question “When will MEN learn?” was designed to leverage this terrible human deletion story to shame men who still believe in the family structure by way of the marriage institution into perpetual fear of women.

The shame is mostly coming from both men and women who have had terrible and traumatic experiences in romantic relationships.  

It’s “misery love company” syndrome at best.

I am sorry.  There are stupid questions.  

The outcome of asking such questions only perpetuates toxic rhetoric for those who may not be necessarily toxic but have real questions about love, relationships, marriage, cheating, infidelity etc.

Why is the question not… 

“When will we as humans learn better ways of navigating romantic relationships that we obviously want, evident by our action not by the product of intellectual diarrhea on social media?

This story is not as relevant to poly or monogamy practice as much as we are making it.  Those are practices by choice and not cowardice.  

It’s also not as relevant to infidelity, cheating or any other obvious bad habits or behavior as they are making it.

Humans have bad behavior.  Where is the surprise?  

Also why did what I just said sound like encouraging bad behavior to you? If that’s you, answer me in the comment area… but more importantly, answer the person in the mirror.

As for this story, that woman committed a capital crime.  What leads to it is irrelevant once we start talking about a matter of life and life deletion.

This woman, sadly like many people walking around, was probably a watermelon mentally… green on the outside and red inside.  

People are carrying a lot of toxic mental weight so you can agree that we should be aware that we can potentially offend the wrong people.  

That does not give anyone the right to delete another person’s life.  It just makes sense to be aware.

For you and I, it’s about knowing that anger is temporary insanity and you can create irreversible damages or at least self-sabotage.  

This is about mental health; not for the criminal (it’s too late for her) but for you and I.

As I was saying earlier, I heard men telling women to prepare for the fact that all men will cheat.

As a man, preparing women to enter marriage with the expectation that a man will cheat puts you at a much bigger disadvantage than just the effect of cheating; your bad behavior.  

Can’t you see?

She may be weak enough to enter that marriage in spite of the warning but she will be on the edge in the marriage… 

What enjoyment do you expect in a marriage where your woman is always on the edge, never feels safe and secure around you?

Instead of worrying about the nature or nurture of cheating and infidelity, you are better off putting that energy in preparing to create a safe space especially emotionally for your wife.

Ladies.. Yes we like to feel safe too.

Would You Tolerate A Cheater?

Would You Tolerate A Cheater?

I know that most people that spend a lot of time on conversations for or against cheating and infidelity are not cheaters; at least not chronic perpetual cheaters.

So at best, you are self sabotaging, talking so much about how you will never accept it or how you plan to tell women that you will cheat.  

By the way, when you tell her up front, that’s no longer considered cheating.

Your mouth will create an emotionally unsafe environment for your future marriage to thrive.

What I found interesting but not surprising during the whole discussion was the fact that no one talked about the emotional, psychological and mental state that could have created the story.

There was no shortage of empathy, sympathy, proclamation of what people will NEVER accept even though there is an obvious lack of experience to accurately assess that.

There was useless advice on what type of man and woman to run away from.  The problem is that these things are not written on the forehead.

A Major Reason Why Marriages Are Failing.

Failing Marriage

Most people entering marriage are not preparing for the inevitable crisis and conflict that will hit every marriage; and single life.

That’s even if you think the solution is to avoid marriage and long term relationships.

If you are going to still have sex, you will end up in the courts and become another traumatic cancer for the society.

By the way, they are conflicts because they often come from blind spots.  

If you say you will never accept a cheater, congrats.  That problem is solved.  The devil, however, knows not to come for you from a cheating standpoint.

Anyway, Instead of the typical nonsense from long-stroking influencers who are just in this to make money, I want to encourage you to prepare to maintain a healthy mental stability for the rest of your life. 

I want you to know that anyone is capable of losing their mind… particularly mentally… and especially people who tend to be obsessed with ideologies, faith, culture, religion with no wisdom around application and relationships.

You cannot control other people.  Stop trying.  You can only control yourself and then subsequently or hopefully influence the results you are looking for in life.

I don’t think a normal person will literally roast another person. I don’t think another human is capable of making another human commit such an act either. 

However we are all influencing ourselves directly and indirectly.  I think she became crazy, lost her mind and committed a capital crime.

For her, everything before the crime doesn’t matter.  She is done in this society.

Learn how to leave a toxic relationship before your tipping point is obvious… leave first… it doesn’t have to be a permanent decision.

If you can’t leave because of fear… that’s obviously a bigger problem; lack of self-respect, self-love, self-esteem, self-confidence.

Stop pouring from an empty cup.

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Stages of Divorce Grief

What are the Stages of Divorce Grief?

The stages of divorce grief are similar to the stages of grief that occur when someone dies.

The stages are shock and disbelief, pain and sorrow, anger and resentment, bargaining and guilt, and acceptance and hope. The order in which the stages occur may vary from person to person.

Some people may skip some of the stages or move through them more quickly than others.

It is important to allow yourself to grieve the loss of your marriage and not try to rush through the process.

1. Shock and disbelief: This is often the first stage after learning that your divorce is final. You may feel numb, have difficulty processing what has happened, and experience many other emotions, including sadness, anger, fear, and relief.

2. Pain and sorrow: As the reality of your divorce sets in, you will likely experience deep feelings of loss and grief.

You may find yourself crying often, feeling depressed, and struggling to cope with the changes in your life.

3. Anger and resentment: It is common to feel a range of negative emotions during this stage, including anger, bitterness, resentment, and frustration. You may lash out at your former spouse, friends, and family members.

4. Bargaining and guilt: During this stage, you may find yourself trying to negotiate with your former spouse or hoping for a reconciliation. You may also feel guilty about the divorce and blame yourself for the situation.

5. Acceptance and hope: In this final stage, you accept that the divorce is final and begin to move on with your life.

You may still feel sad and miss your former spouse, but you are able to start rebuilding your life. You may also feel hopeful about the future and find new meaning in your life.

Tips on Coping with Separation and Divorce

1. Recognize That Your Marriage Is Over: This can be difficult to accept, but it is an important step in the grieving process. Once you come to terms with the fact that your marriage is over, you can begin to move on.

2. Be Patient — Grief Takes Time: The stages of grief do not always happen in a linear fashion. You may move back and forth between stages or even skip some altogether.

3. Surround Yourself With People Who Support You — And Let Them Help: It can be helpful to talk to friends and family members who have gone through a divorce. They can offer guidance and support.

4. Practice Excellent Self-Care: During this difficult time, it is important to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. Make sure to eat healthy foods, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly.

5. Feel Your Feelings: It is normal to feel a range of emotions after your divorce. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your marriage.

6. Find Out What’s There Besides Anger, Sadness, And Fear: As you move through the grieving process, you may find that you have new insights about yourself and your life. Allow yourself to explore these new perspectives.

7. Timebox Your Grief: Set aside specific times each day to grieve the loss of your marriage. This can help you to avoid becoming overwhelmed by your emotions.

8. Don’t Hide Your Divorce Grief From Your Kids (But Don’t Freak Them Out, Either)

It is important, to be honest with your children about your divorce. However, you should avoid sharing too much information or putting them in the middle of the situation.

9. Write It Out, Work It Out, Or Just plain Talk It Out: Journaling, therapy, and talking to friends and family members can all be helpful ways to cope with your divorce.

10. Stop Blaming Your Ex and Start Forgiving Them (and Yourself) One of the most important things you can do for yourself is to let go of any resentment and blame you may feel. This can be difficult, but it is an essential part of healing.

11. Remember: You Will Still Be a Part of Your Kid’s Life Even After Divorce Although your family may be changing, you will still be an important part of your children’s lives. Try to maintain a positive relationship with your former spouse for the sake of your kids.

12. Consider Professional Help Many people find it helpful to seek out professional help during the divorce process. A therapist can provide support and guidance as you navigate this difficult time.

If you are facing divorce, it is important to understand the grieving process. By recognizing the stages of grief, you can better prepare yourself for the journey ahead.

Remember, every divorce is unique and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. If you find yourself struggling, don’t hesitate to seek out professional help. With time and patience, you will eventually reach the acceptance and hope stage.

Don’t Suppress Your Feelings While Grieving

Everyone is different and everyone can experience each one of these stages very differently. Allowing yourself the freedom to grieve during a divorce doesn’t make you weak.  In fact, it can actually make you stronger. If you try to bottle up your emotions, they may eventually come out in destructive ways. It’s okay to cry, be angry, and feel sad. These are all normal reactions to loss.

Divorce is a process, not an event. Just as there is no one right way to grieve the death of a loved one, there is no one right way to grieve the loss of a marriage. Allow yourself the time and space to experience all the emotions that come with this major life change. Seek out support from friends and family members, or consider professional help if you need it. With time and patience, you will eventually reach the acceptance and hope stage.

Coping With the Hard Feelings

Coping with grief during a divorce is exceedingly difficult. Feeling all the emotions mentioned in each stage during the process of divorce is common and necessary for moving forward. It is important to surround yourself with people that love you and support you to help you through this painful time. If you are feeling lost, consider professional counseling to help you regain a sense of self and hope for the future.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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