In this lesson, we are sharing 5 mistakes to avoid if you truly want to be attracted to your husband in a healthy, happy, and blissful way again.
So Samantha is at a place in her marriage right now, a marriage of 7 years, where she feels like things are spiraling out of control.
She claims that she really loves him but her description of the emotions playing out in their interaction indicates deflating attraction.
He is completely oblivious about the whole ordeal and she is just as afraid to communicate her feelings with him; actively protecting his feelings.
We have decided to extract some lessons out in the form of 5 mistakes that kill attraction further especially when you are already struggling in your marriage.
Mistake #5 – Self Diagnosing Your Husband
Here is one of the worst things you can do when you find yourself in a marriage that you consented to as an adult.
It is the act of labeling your spouse with all the negative psychological diagnoses you come across; labels such as narcissist, insecure, controlling, etc.
I understand it’s pretty easy to do because we all point fingers and have a difficult time holding the person in the mirror accountable especially when it is not obvious that we played a role.
The two parties played a role and it’s not about faults, rights, and wrongs.
It’s about attraction roles and you are better off assessing and analyzing this from a self-development and improvement standpoint first.
Blame, guilt, condemnation, and judgment work against attraction 100% of the time.
Mistake #4 – Confusing Patience with Lack Of Self Worth
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You’ve heard that patience is a major key in having a healthy level of tolerance and compromise necessary to sustain a marriage.
But I want you to know that everything, including water, can mess you up if you consume an overdose. So at what point is patience too much?
Significance is one of the 6 basic human needs.
If your idea of patience is making you feel insignificant in your marriage over a long stretch of time, you are probably operating from a place of low self-worth, self-respect, and self-esteem.
Eventually, your marriage or an integral part of it will collapse; drained.
If you are experiencing this, it’s time to engage in self-development even before trying to fix your marriage. It has a direct effect on feeling attracted to your husband again.
Mistake #3 – Confusing Space With Lack Of Intimacy
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The fear of the unknown gets real when you come to the conclusion that some space is necessary for your mental health during a crisis in the marriage.
And your mental health is also necessary to create a healthy, romantic, and long-term relationship with your husband.
That’s what you want right?
I know what you are thinking…
But what if you or your husband taste something (some strange forbidden fruit) during the separation that takes you to a point of no return?
Scary….
There is also a second question.
How painful is the void you are already feeling in the present state of your marriage?
Now… Which fear is greater?
Fear of the unknown or fear of living in a miserable “void” for the rest of your sustainable marital life; something will give eventually.
I want you to know that space and distance make the heart fonder; that’s precisely growing attraction and affection provided the damages are not too much before you embrace the necessity for space sometimes.
Mistake #2 – Feeling Embarrassed About A Struggling Marriage
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Every marriage struggles at one point or the other. In fact, most marriages that you admire from the outside have one struggle or the other.
…with a lot… having one or two things to do with the underlying relationship.
You are not alone.
I also want you to know that all the long-term marriages that you admire from the outside (looking in) have been tested terribly and that’s precisely why they are now awesome.
There is literally nothing new with these marriage issues; focus on the healing you need to rebuild your attraction to your husband again.
Mistake #1 – Pouring Out Of An Empty Cup
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When you don’t make taking care of yourself a priority as a woman (even ahead of your children), the family eventually falls apart.
For a typical woman, the “nurturing” thing is natural instincts. I get it.
But we are also humans, which means, emotions, complexities, civilization, overthinking, narcissistic traits, insecurities are involved.
So you have to be careful on how you set priorities when it comes to what you choose to nurture and in what order.
I get it. The marriage is falling apart so both parties should seek counseling or therapy… that’s BS because usually one person is disconnected.
This is one of the greatest mistakes that kill your attraction to your husband because he is likely to decline if he is just as oblivious as Samantha’s husband.
Then you will build more resentments towards him; effectively destroying attraction and sexual polarity in your marriage
Instead of seeking and crying for joint counseling, (which is usually a place where people waste time on pointing fingers)…
Engage in individual self-development, counseling, therapy or coaching first; check the mirror first; there may be a blindspot there.
If you feel we can help you personally, feel free to go to www.GetMyMarriageBack.com, download the free book, and book a free 30 minutes coaching session with us.