Affection?
Is that food?
Why is this even relevant in real life when you’ve committed to a lifetime in a marriage?
This is the question many men ask when their wives have seemingly lost interest in being affectionate.
When Tim contacted us and complained about the sudden lack of affection in his marriage, I asked him if his wife has always been that way.
He said she was always the romantic one and was very much into PDA (Public Display of Affection).
But suddenly, she’s shut down.
Believe it or not, this is a common issue in modern marriages.
The good news is that we have identified 5 common reasons why a wife is no longer affectionate.
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Reason #5 – Infidelity
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If there has been transgressions and betrayal on your part against your wife, it will mess with her ability to be affectionate with you.
Being affectionate is a symptom of a woman who feels safe and secure with you.
Here is the part where most men miss.
You consider yourself a protector and provider, so it becomes extremely hard for you to relate with the idea that she doesn’t feel safe and secure.
Well, the keyword as usual is ‘feel’.
What that means is this.
All that matters is her experience and not what most men will consider “reality.”
Most men’s version of reality is retarded because they actively try to discount emotions; the one variable that controls 80% of romantic interactions.
Tim’s issue wasn’t infidelity.
So it was actually harder for him; he feels entitled because no infidelity was involved.
So why wasn’t his wife affectionate?
Reason #4 – Emotional Disconnection
What we know in 100% of the case is that all lack of affection starts with emotional disconnection.
And what does that look like?
For a typical man, that makes no sense and in the very least; unfair.
They wonder. How do you commit to a marriage and wake up randomly to claim you don’t feel affection?
I want to present to you the real reality.
This problem will only get worse the more you get defensive and take it personally.
I told Tim how easy it is to assume that men are just logical until they experience this rejection.
Little did he know that the experience of rejection is not just an emotion; it will also incite other types of negative emotions for a man.
But yes Tim’s wife was not only disconnected emotionally, it was extremely hard to get him to understand why his actions enabled it.
Here is what you should know.
If she doesn’t feel safe and secure, affection will disappear because she will disconnect emotionally as a form of protection for herself.
Is it always the man’s fault?
Reason #3 – Loss of Purpose
TRENDING: “My Wife Is NOT ATTRACTED To Me Anymore”
Right, wrong and faults are usually irrelevant to these types of romantic issues when 2 adults have consented.
So it’s definitely not a matter of fault.
But in addition to that, a lot of times, loss of affection has nothing to do with the husband.
When a woman is not feeling fulfilled or significant in one shape or form in her personal life, it can be hard to share affection.
You can’t give love to others when you are having a hard time giving love to yourself.
And as usual, it gets worse when a typical man reacts negatively to the rejection.
Rejection breeds obsession.
Speaking of obsession, I want you to obsess over the subscribe, like and share button of this video.
Because in the next video, we will dive into crazy and negative obsessions in marriage to avoid.
What else can cause lack of affection and intimacy in a marriage?
Reason #2 – New Baby Can Cause Low Libido
Here is another reason outside of faults, right and wrong that can tamper with affection in your marriage in a negative way.
The easiest thing when a crisis happens in a marriage is to think of infidelity, disrespect, insecurity, abuse etc.
These things do happen of course.
But we crave to point fingers at our spouse or worse, at ourselves.
Then we effectively drag ourselves through blame, guilt, condemnation and judgement.
There are events in life such as the event of a new baby, as beautiful as that is, that can affect hormones and therefore reduce affection.
Beyond hormones, taking care of a brand new baby can milk a woman or the caretaker of the time and energy required to be affectionate.
So it takes a very mature man to calm down and be patient when these things are happening as opposed to overreacting and perpetuating the situation.
Your patience is precisely an ingredient needed in attracting her back into the space of affection again.
With that being said, what is the top reason within the scope of this lesson?
Reason #1 – Keeping Scores
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Affection in a marriage is a result of two individuals giving to each other without expectations or at least with well managed expectations.
This is precisely what drives romantic emotions so high in the beginning.
It feels new and exciting just because…
And you just like that person enough to just give, starting with giving your time and many other parts of your life.
But at some point, the spirit of complacency and entitlement kicked in.
If common sense was useful in marriages, the couple can simply go back to giving with no expectations like they did in the beginning…
Just because…
I want you to start by giving enough to yourself to avoid pouring from an empty cup but that’s usually not what happens.
Many resort to calling each other out and out of each other’s names from frustration and for not making each other happy.
Then the competition to be right (a.k.a keeping scores) goes on and on and on and the couple hurt each other.
We told Tim that he can’t afford to keep scores with his lady especially as the man who claims the leadership role.
That’s precisely how to be a loser in a typical romantic relationship as a man.
The Main Lesson
Romantic affection cannot dwell where there is active competition to be right. That works against unity and freedom.
But here is the good news for you.
When there is division of any type (regardless of what the cause is), the complainer has the luxury of leverage to lead the marriage out of the funk.
Check out the next video on the screen to learn more about that.