17 Signs of When to Walk Away From A Sexless Marriage

Being in a marriage has its highs and lows and sometimes you can hit a stumbling block such as a sexless marriage. 

A few moments of dryspell can happen and that is not unusual.

What can make it unusual is when that dry spell becomes permanent. 

When intimacy is gone in a marriage, it can gradually lead to the death of a marriage. 

So when do you know you are in a sexless marriage?

One survey says a sexless marriage is when a couple have sex once in a month.

But I believe this varies from people to people.

One Survey  says that 1 in 5 couples are having a sexless marriage. 

Did you know that the average married couple has sex 68.5 times a year which adds up to about once a week?

PREVIOUS POST: 5 Warning Signs That Feels Like Your Husband May Have Lost Interest in You Sexually

This is okay if both parties are on the same page.

But problem only occurs if one person desires sex and the other doesn’t. 

So before you decide to walk away, you have to do a root cause analysis that addresses all the variables and scenarios that led you there. 

5 potential causes of a sexless marriage to consider before walking away? 

Consideration #1 – Stress from Work

When a partner gets too busy with work, he or she can become too tired to think about sex.

They don’t even have a moment to eat dinner together, much less talking about their day which is one of the ways that healthy couples connect.

This can cause the couple to be distant and cause a dry spell in the relationship.

Consideration #2 – Childbirth

After Childbirth, a woman’s body changes and needs time to balance again. 

Doctors often advise not to have sex until after 6 weeks because of  common issues such as vaginal dryness, bleeding, pain, fatigue, tear, low libido, pregnancy and more. 

Breastfeeding lowers estrogen levels. 

So if a woman is breastfeeding, it may take time for her libido to return to normal. 

A man who doesn’t know all these may end up acting out of character because he feels neglected. 

And this might lead to even more dry spells; a vicious cycle of sexless weeks, months and potentially years because it all starts from a woman feeling safe with a man .

Consideration #3 – Lack of Connection

Sex without emotional connection is a turn off.  

An emotional connection is a bundle of subjective feelings that come together to create a bond between two people. 

Most women want to be wined and dined, 

They want to be heard, have intelligent and most importantly vulnerable conversations from the heart. They want to be noticed outside the bedroom. 

If she is only being used for sex, she will eventually loathe it. 

Likewise a typical man wants to feel like the hero in his marriage.  

If he is feeling belittled, he may disconnect and his sexual attraction towards his woman can be tampered with effectively.

Consideration #4 – Loneliness

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If you are sitting with your spouse and he is not engaging or responding to your conversations, you may start subconsciously learning how to disconnect. 

It may seem like your spouse is just self-absorbed in whatever he is doing without ever asking how your day went; your spouse seems uninterested in you.

You all can become distant and start feeling neglected.  This has led many to start fantasizing about life without each other. 

You may even have found yourself sharing and enjoying conversations with others outside your marriage in an intimate way.

Obviously, one or both of you can effectively get comfortable with the reality of a sexless marriage and it all started with at least one person feeling lonely.

Consideration #5 – Toxic Relationship Issues

If you are not treating each other with kindness, every conversation is filled with sarcastic and rude remarks. 

Likewise if at least one person is exercising controlling behaviours on the other, skyscrapers of resentments will be built. 

And it is also not uncommon to accompany all of that with some disrespect to an extent where your sight repulses your partner or vice versa.

This type of negative behavior kills sex. 

Who wants to have sex with someone who makes their skin crawl?

So Here are the 17 Signs of When to walk away from sexless marriage…

  1. If your spouse is not interested in a way forward and doesn’t care that your needs are not being met, staying in that marriage may turn you into a bitter person.
  1. All you both do now is argue. 
  1. You feel like your lack of sex is not even at the very least being compensated with a caring attitude. Instead, it’s filled with disrespect and insults. Some have even pushed themselves to the point of domestic violence.
  1. So because you can’t imagine a happy life without sex, you may have even started indulging in inappropraite behaviours outside your marriage.
  1. Sex has become a punishment tool for at least one of you. 
  1. And every time you do something wrong, your partner shuts down.
  1. Your spouse has in fact told you severally that you are not wanted anymore and divorce is now being thrown in your face. 
  1. You have become depressed and uninterested in your purpose. 
  1. You can’t even get out of bed to do things you normally do and you feel drained. 
  1. You feel exhausted and burnt out.
  1. You have become a raging jealous out-of-control monitoring spirit. 
  1. You find yourself tracking his or her every move.
  1. You have his phone monitored.you follow him around. 
  1. You have lost your self respect. It’s time to move on and find yourself again.
  1. Your spouse cheated on you and you resent him for it. 
  1. You dont to have sex with him but you want him to suffer. By the way, you are not making him suffer alone; you are killing yourself more. 
  2. If you are not open to counseling to help heal yourself, it’s time to let go and move on from this toxicity.

In Conclusion… 

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Most sexless marriages suffer because one or both parties have shut down and have refused to have real conversations about why they have reached this point. 

They indulge in blaming and finger pointing. 

Blame, guilt, judgement and condemnation, felt at any level will not make your spouse more interested in sex. 

There are things you can do to get your marriage from a sexless stage to one filled with love and content.  

How are you communicating these concerns with your spouse? 

Are you talking to him or at him? Are you talking to her or at her? Try working on your communication skills.

Have you done a root cause analysis of why your marriage is sexless? There are usually some underlying issues. 

You need to be clear of what happened in order to fix it or you will be totally lost in confusion. 

If you are open, a good counselor can help figure that out.

You may want to start with reading GET MY MARRIAGE BACK; you can can download it  for free at: www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

Frequently Asked Questions [FAQ]

When should you walk away from a sexless relationship?

There are 17 signs here that you should consider before deciding to walk away from a sexless marriage.

There is no right right time ultimately.

What percentage of sexless marriages end in divorce?

15% to 20% of marriages are said to be sexless marriages but we also know that about 50% of marriages end up in divorce.

We are not too sure because the unquantifiable variables are many.

How long can a marriage last without intimacy?

It can last a lifetime but it is healthy for a typical marriage to last more than 3 months without doing something about it outside of medical issues.

Is it OK to cheat when in a sexless marriage?

It is never okay to cheat. It is better and more honorable to communicate and hold your own end of a commitment before breaking it.

Sexless Marriage ❤️ Does my Marriage Still Have a Chance⁉️

A Sexless marriage is a terrible experience for anyone to be going through; feeling unwanted, helpless, undeserving, and just hopeless.

But just like every other aspect of life, what doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger.

But with some knowledge and emotional wisdom as ammunition, you will become unstoppable…

So allow me to share some information to help you.

You can reverse that reality in your marriage especially if it’s emotionally driven.

Sexless Marriage and the Downsides.

If your Sexless Marriage is due to medical issues, seek the help of a medical professional.

Sex is the one thing that makes your marriage different from other types of relationship so you shouldn’t have to be stuck in the lack it.

So if you either feel that:

  1. Your Spouse Rejects sex with you all the time.
  2. Your Spouse Does not initiate sex enough with you OR….
  3. OR You are no longer sexually attracted to your spouse.

Essentially, nothing is broken with the 2 of you physically but the vibe is just never right for one or both of you;

It’s mental and I got you and you are not alone… but you need to act.

What percentage of sexless marriages end in divorce?

Studies show that 20% of marriage are sexless and you probably already know that 50% of all marriage unions end in divorce.

If I were you, I would be more scared of staying in an unhappy marriage than divorce itself; but anyway, you are not alone.

How long do sexless marriages last?

A sexless marriages can last forever.

That’s especially true when there are kids involved but more importantly,

You should consider your marriage sexless if you have not had sex in 3 months or more.

“Lack of sex” should be addressed at the 2 weeks mark if there are no visible, clear or medical reason.

Can a sexless marriage survive?

A sexless marriage can definitely survive but that doesn’t mean it’s the best way to live a quality life.

The real question is if you can reverse a sexless marriage and the answer is yes; especially if you have a good history of intimacy.

All you need is at least “one of you” to initiate that dance and with patience, your spouse will respond.

Sure it takes 2 to tango but there is a need for just one leader who wants to take the charge and follow these 4 steps.

  1. Look in the mirror.
  2. Focus on changed behavior (even if you had not offended your spouse, switching a few predictable behaviors up will make them wonder and increase attraction.)
  3. Look out for rekindling signs.
  4. Respond when you see signs.

Become a student of seduction; Seduction is not just sexual.

If you are the one who is not sexually attracted to your spouse,

That’s a symptom of underlying issues…

That is to say you should focus on fixing that.

So maybe there are behaviors that your spouse puts on that turns you off;

In that case, you can learn how to seduce your spouse to the way you desire him or her to behave.

For example, if she doesn’t clean after herself, your knee jerk reaction is to complain about it.

Instead of being predictable, you can actually seductively request that she cleans.

And when she does clean once in a while, tell her how sexy she looked while cleaning.

Use Reverse Psychology to Reverse Your Sexless Marriage

Here is the point, use seduction to highlight when your spouse does what you like and you will naturally get more of such moments.

If you are not having enough sex, seductively highlight when you do have sex

And refrain away from complaining when there is no sex for extended period of time.

What you focus on expands; negative or positive.

What happens in a marriage without intimacy?

There is a risk of at least one person wanting more intimacy

And that increases the chances of infidelity and just a bad lifestyle that comes with multiple sexual partners.

If you are experiencing this, you should be concerned even if you are the less affectionate partner.

It’s even worse if you have kids because you will teach them these bad behaviors; maybe unintentionally.

Click Here to Take the 2 Minutes Sexless Marriage Quiz

Below is a question for us to address with this lesson…

My Wife and I are in separation.

But we don’t sleep in the same room anymore.

Tried talking to her but she wants nothing to do with me anymore.

I messed up because I was insecure.

And I tried to talk to her and told her that I have changed.

Still no luck; does my marriage still have a chance.”

Enjoy the video.

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What is a Sexless Marriage?

A sexless marriage is a marriage where sexual intimacy has dried up for 3 months or longer.

Can Sexless Marriage Survive?

Lack of sex in a marriage (outside of medical and disability reasons) is a symptom. The marriage can survive if the underlying issue is uncovered with root cause analysis and fixed.

How can a Sexless Marriage Survive?

A sexless marriage (with the exception of those cause by medical issues) can survive by applying seduction strategies that are value and long term based.

What Does The Bible Say About Sexless Marriage?

It’s simply not biblical to live in a sexless marriage. Corinthians 7:2 says “But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.”

Should You Stay in a Sexless Marriage?

A sexless marriage is a symptom and that means there are underlying issues. To stay or not will depend on what the root cause of it is.

Can Sexless Marriage Work?

It depends on what the root cause is. There are many sexless marriages that last when its caused by medical issues. Also, many last but not necessarily without affairs and transgressions.

Is Sexless Marriage Reason for Divorce?

It can be a reason but it shouldn’t be unless the root cause of it has been addressed and determined to be non-fixable or unbearable. Sexless-ness is a symptom of underlying issues.

Is Sexless Marriage Normal?

When you consider that “15 percent of married couples are sexless: Spouses haven’t had sex with each other in the past six months to one year” according to studies, it’s not normal.

I wouldn’t consider it normal unless at least 50% of married couples experience it. It’s not normal; it should be addressed.

Can Sexless Marriage Be Fixed?

Outside of those cause by medical issues, a sexless marriage can be fixed.

How Many Sexless Marriages End In Divorce?

About 15-20% of marriages are sexless and about 50% of them end up in divorce. Lack of sex is definitely a contributing factor to that 50% divorce rate.

What Should a Christian Do in a Sexless Marriage?

First of all, prayer and patience is going to be a key part of the process.

Also, you want to find a way to embed humility, gratitude into skillful seduction of your spouse back to desire you sexually.

How long do sexless marriages last?

It can last for as long as it would take you to gain the courage to find and fix the underlying issues. Sexless marriage (outside of medical issues) is a symptom of broken marriage.

How do you fix a sexless marriage?

By finding and fixing the underlying issues.

Sexless marriage (outside of medical issues) is a symptom of broken marriage.