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What to Do When Your Marriage Feels Hopeless: 5 Steps to Reignite Your Love

📌 Author's Note from Lola & Ola:
If you are reading this right now, we know the heartbreak of watching the desire, intimacy, and warmth fade out of your relationship. We survived our own marriage completely dying at the 9-year mark and rebuilt a 20+ year roadmap from it. Before you dive into the details below, grab our complete book Get My Marriage Back for FREE right now so you have an immediate, step-by-step action plan to turn things around.

When your marriage feels hopeless, it can seem like there’s no way out.

Every effort you make to fix things only makes it worse, and it can feel like you’re just spinning your wheels.

If you’ve found yourself in this place, you’re not alone—and there’s hope.

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Click above to watch the video

In this article, we’ll walk through 5 powerful steps that can help you restore your marriage, even if things feel irreparable.

These aren’t quick fixes, but practical strategies that have helped countless couples rebuild their connection and find joy in their relationship once again.

Step 1: Stop the Bleeding

When a marriage feels hopeless, it’s easy to react emotionally.

You might find yourself chasing your partner, over-explaining your feelings, or constantly trying to fix the situation.

But often, these actions only make things worse.

Picture this: You’re holding a tube of superglue and instead of applying it carefully, you squeeze the whole bottle onto the problem.

What happens?

A sticky mess.

That’s what’s happening when you react emotionally and try to “fix” everything in your marriage with desperation.

What to do instead: Pause.

Stop the cycle of panic and pressure.

Allow the relationship to breathe.

Sometimes, the best way to heal is to step back and give your partner the space they need.

Step 2: Practice Active Listening

You might think you’re having a communication problem with your spouse, but the real issue could be that you’re not listening—really listening.

One of our clients, Amy, was frustrated because her husband Daniel wasn’t opening up.

Every time she asked, “What’s wrong?” he’d shut down, saying “Nothing.” She pushed for answers, which only made things worse.

Instead of pressuring her husband to talk, we encouraged Amy to simply listen—to let Daniel share when he was ready.

Within a week, he opened up on his own.

The key to communication in a relationship isn’t talking; it’s truly listening.

Tip: Listen without interrupting, judging, or offering solutions. Sometimes, just being heard is all your spouse needs to feel connected again.

Step 3: Reintroduce Value

If your partner has stopped caring or feels disconnected, it’s not necessarily because they don’t love you.

It could be because they no longer see the value in the relationship.

This can happen subconsciously when familiarity sets in, and the excitement or joy of the relationship fades.

So, how do you reintroduce value?

It’s not about doing more chores or sending more “I love you” texts.

Instead, you need to reconnect with what made your relationship special in the first place.

For example, Kevin, one of our clients, found that his wife had checked out emotionally.

She wasn’t showing affection or excitement.

When we asked Kevin when he was last the most attractive version of himself, he admitted it was when they first met—he was confident, spontaneous, and fun.

By tapping into that version of himself, Kevin reignited the spark, and his wife started flirting with him again.

Tip: Ask yourself, “When was the last time I was the most attractive version of myself?” Reconnect with that energy, and you’ll see the relationship shift.

Step 4: Take Care of Yourself

It may seem counterintuitive, but one of the best things you can do for your marriage is to focus on yourself.

When you’re mentally, emotionally, and physically drained, you have nothing left to give to your partner.

One of our clients, Jessica, was so focused on saving her marriage that she neglected her own well-being.

She was anxious, exhausted, and constantly second-guessing herself.

When we encouraged her to take care of herself—exercise, spend time with friends, and rediscover her hobbies—her husband began to notice a shift.

Confidence and happiness are magnetic, and taking care of yourself will make you more attractive to your partner.

Tip: Self-care isn’t selfish.

It’s essential.

When you’re filled with joy and energy, your marriage benefits, too.

Step 5: Give, Give, and Give

If you’ve been giving to your spouse but feel like you’re getting nothing in return, you might be approaching giving from the wrong angle.

Giving with expectation leads to frustration, but giving with influence can transform your relationship.

One of our clients, Marcus, struggled with intimacy.

He felt rejected because his wife never initiated. When we asked him when he last made her feel desired without expecting anything in return, he realized it had been a while.

We challenged Marcus to give affection, compliments, and flirtation without any pressure for intimacy.

After just a few days, his wife began to initiate on her own.

Tip: When you give with no strings attached, you create desire and mutual respect in the relationship.

Conclusion: Take Action Today

When your marriage feels hopeless, it’s easy to feel defeated.

But these 5 steps can help you begin to rebuild your connection and restore hope. It’s not about quick fixes or grand gestures; it’s about making small, consistent changes that allow you and your spouse to reconnect on a deeper level.

If you’re ready to take the next step, consider joining our free training, “Reignite Your Love Life in 45 Days,” where we break down the exact strategies that have helped countless couples rebuild their marriages.

Want to save your marriage? Start by taking action now and visit www.GetMyMarriageBack.com to learn more.

FAQ: What to Do When Your Marriage Feels Hopeless

What to do when your marriage seems hopeless?

When your marriage feels hopeless, the initial step is to pause reactive behaviors and allow the relationship some space to breathe.

What is the #1 reason married couples divorce?

There are 2 #1’s; unrealistic expectations and pride

How do you know if you regret your marriage?

When you are feeling a sense of distant and disconnect, you are feeling a sense of regret for your marriage.

What is the #1 thing that destroys marriages?

The number one thing is reacting emotionally and desperately trying to fix everything does worsen a marriage in crisis.

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How to Save Your Marriage When Your Spouse Wants Out – Saving a Marriage in Crisis

📌 Author's Note from Lola & Ola:
If you are reading this right now, we know the heartbreak of watching the desire, intimacy, and warmth fade out of your relationship. We survived our own marriage completely dying at the 9-year mark and rebuilt a 20+ year roadmap from it. Before you dive into the details below, grab our complete book Get My Marriage Back for FREE right now so you have an immediate, step-by-step action plan to turn things around.

You ever been in one of those situations where you walk into a room, and you can immediately tell something’s off?

Click the image below to Watch the Video

Click the image below to Watch the Video

Like… the air is just thick with tension.

You say “Hey, babe,” and all you get back is a grunt. Or worse—absolute silence.

Now, if you’re like me, you probably start running through a mental checklist: “Did I forget the anniversary? Did I leave the toilet seat up? Did I—Oh wait… it’s worse than that.”

And then… BOOM.

Your spouse hits you with the words no one ever wants to hear:

“I don’t think this is working. I think we should separate.”

Listen, if you’ve ever been in this situation or you’re in it right now, I need you to do one thing for me. Breathe. Seriously. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Because this isn’t the end of your marriage—yet. And even if it feels like it, I promise, there’s still a way forward.

I’m Ola, one half of a partnership with my wife, Lola. After 11+ years of friendship and 8+ years of marriage, we almost gave up on each other.

The pain, the distance, the constant fights—it felt like there was no way forward.

But through heartbreak, trial, and relentless effort, we discovered something powerful.

That journey led us to create the Get My Marriage Back system, launch this website in 2018, and co-author the book Get My Marriage Back.

Since then, we’ve helped countless individuals and couples get their marriage back and make it even better.

At press time, we’ve celebrate 17+ years of marriage and 20+ years of friendship.

And today, we’re going to talk about how to save your marriage when your spouse wants out.

And no, before you ask, the answer isn’t to beg, plead, or suddenly become the most romantic version of yourself that ever existed. Trust me, we’ve seen it all, and that’s not how this works.

So, let’s talk about it.

Tip #1 of 5—It’s Not About Whose Fault It Is

I know, I know. The first thing we all want to do when a relationship is falling apart is figure out who’s to blame.

“If she would just listen to me!” “If he would stop ignoring my feelings!” “If they weren’t always on their phone!” Sound familiar?

One of our clients—let’s call him Jason—came to us convinced his wife was the problem. She had become distant, she stopped laughing at his jokes, and worst of all… she stopped complaining about his bad habits. And if you’re married, you know: when they stop complaining, that’s when you should worry.

Jason was stuck in the blame game, and the more he tried to prove his innocence, the worse things got. He’d say, “But I do everything for you!” and she’d respond with, “I never asked you to.” Ouch.

Look, if your spouse wants out, the goal isn’t to prove you’re right. The goal is to understand what’s happening. And that leads me to the next point…

Tip #2 of 5—Accept and Understand It

Here’s the thing—you can’t fix what you refuse to accept. If your spouse says they want out, that’s their reality right now. Telling them they’re wrong or acting like it’s just a phase isn’t going to help.

Think about it like this: If someone is drowning and they’re flailing their arms, you don’t say, “You’re not actually drowning. Just stop panicking.” No! You acknowledge the panic, then you help them in a way that doesn’t make it worse.

When Jason finally accepted that his wife felt disconnected, instead of fighting it, he started to see things differently. He realized she wasn’t just being cold—she was hurting. And when you recognize that your spouse is hurting, you stop trying to “win” the argument and start focusing on the real problem.

By the way, if this is hitting home for you, go ahead and hit that like button. And while you’re at it, subscribe, follow, and turn on notifications because we’ve got more coming that’ll help you get your marriage back on track.

Alright, let’s keep going.

Tip #3 of 5—Be Accountable

(And No, Accountability Is Not the Same as Fault)

Jason had to learn this the hard way. See, he thought being accountable meant admitting everything was his fault. But that’s not what we’re talking about.

Accountability means asking, “What’s my role in this?” without turning it into self-blame or self-pity. It’s about seeing where you can improve—not so you can take all the blame, but so you can take control of what you can change.

Jason realized he had stopped being emotionally present years ago. His wife didn’t wake up one day and say, “I’m done.” It was a slow fade. And when he finally took accountability for his own emotional unavailability, that’s when things started to shift.

Tip #4 of 5—Let Go

I know. This one is tough. But listen—the more you try to control the outcome, the worse things get.

Jason spent months trying to convince his wife to stay. He wrote long text messages. He over-explained every little thing. He even made one of those dramatic “I can’t live without you” speeches in the rain. Okay, maybe not in the rain, but you get the idea.

And guess what? None of it worked.

But the moment he stopped trying to force her to stay… the moment he stopped clinging to control… she noticed.

Because here’s the truth: Desperation pushes people away. Confidence and self-assurance bring them closer.

Which leads us to the last and most important tip…

Tip #5—Engage in Self-Development

If you take nothing else from this video, take this: The best way to save your marriage is to become the best version of yourself—not for your spouse, but for you.

Jason stopped focusing on “fixing” his wife and started working on himself. He rediscovered hobbies. He started learning about emotional intelligence. He even started listening instead of just waiting for his turn to talk.

And you know what happened?

His wife started noticing.

Because when you work on yourself, the energy shifts. Your confidence grows. You stop being the person who’s begging for love and start being the person who naturally attracts it.

And here’s the crazy part—Jason’s wife eventually started engaging in conversations again. Not because he convinced her to, but because she felt the difference.

So if your spouse wants out, the best thing you can do isn’t to chase them—it’s to work on you.

And if you need help with that, consider working with us for personal coaching.

Just go to Click Here or Go to ww.GetMyMarriageBack.com

Alright, now before we go, don’t forget to hit like, subscribe, and turn on notifications so you don’t miss the next video.

And here’s a question for you: Do you think love alone is enough to save a marriage, or is something else more important? Drop your thoughts in the comments, and let’s talk about it.

Here is part 2 of the “Saving a Marriage in Crisis” series; 7 Signs Your Marriage Can Still Be Saved.

FAQ: Saving Your Marriage

What is the No. 1 rule for saving your marriage?

The most important step is to focus on your own self-development rather than trying to control your spouse or the outcome.

How can I save my broken marriage?

You can begin to save your marriage by accepting your spouse’s feelings and understanding their perspective.

What are the hard years of marriage?

The “hard years” of marriage often occur in the first few years as couples adjust and between years 5 and 8 when deeper issues may surface.

At what year do most marriages fail?

While statistics vary, research suggests that most marriages tend to fail either in the first few years (1-2) as couples adjust, or between years 5 and 8.

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“My Wife DISRESPECTS Me” 9 Points Advice for you Especially in Separation… ❤️

📌 Author's Note from Lola & Ola:
If you are reading this right now, we know the heartbreak of watching the desire, intimacy, and warmth fade out of your relationship. We survived our own marriage completely dying at the 9-year mark and rebuilt a 20+ year roadmap from it. Before you dive into the details below, grab our complete book Get My Marriage Back for FREE right now so you have an immediate, step-by-step action plan to turn things around.

In this lesson, I am sharing a 9-point marriage separation advice in order to give you the best chance to attract your spouse back in love with you.

At the bottom of this page, you will find the question that inspired this lesson.

Marriage Separation Advice - My wife disrespects me

(1) Give Yourself Space

It’s most likely that your spouse has asked you for space.

So if that’s the case, it’s very important that you don’t see it as a bad idea because frankly you probably need the space more.

You just can’t see that, because rejection breeds obsession.

Take advantage of the space apart to build a better “you”.

(2) Don’t Overrate Affairs

While your spouse may be distracted by an emotional or physical affair with another person, don’t highlight it.

The affair will never be worth what you have already shared with your spouse

But it is important that you showcase being unbothered by anything or anyone outside of the relationship you have with him or her.

The worst thing you can do is to spend your space apart bickering about affairs; it will only expand and you will push your spouse further away.

(3) It Takes One But…

Insisting that you stay together is not going to help save your marriage as much as attracting your spouse back.

It only takes one person to create attraction but that requires a process and insisting otherwise will interrupt that process of attraction.

Instead, let go as it only takes “you” to build attraction which is the single most important thing that is missing right now.

(4) Don’t Use/Abuse Children

The marriage separation period will come with a lot of temptations

And one of them is trying to inflict emotional abuse and blackmail on your spouse.

Another one is abusing your children as a tool to accomplish that goal.

It always backfires.

The most common one, believe it or not, is not as obvious as you may think.

It happens more in the form of manipulation under the pretense of protecting the child or children.

What you want to do is stay focused on what you want and don’t want

And leave the children out of it even if that’s painful for you emotionally.

Your emotional feelings are temporary.

The only exception to this, is physical abuse of the children; in that case, it would be non-negotiable to get the children removed from harm’s way.

(5) After 3 Months, You are Free

It’s not advisable to engage in transgressions with other people during separation but we are all humans.

Technically, you are free to move on after 3 months of lack of sexual relationship when it is not medically related in my personal opinion.

But also in my personal opinion, the most profitable and worthwhile thing to work on in this period is self growth.

If you don’t, transgression and the lifestyle that comes with it can destroy everything you care about.

It can be even worse when it’s done in retaliation.

If you decide to move on, seek legal counsel to avoid exposing you and/or your children to unfavorable legal loopholes.

(6) More Actions/Less Talking

That should be pretty clear but be careful not to confuse certain inaction with emotional centered-ness.

For example, don’t abandon your children and/or your normal responsibilities in the name of less talking.

That would be irresponsible and such behavior will continue to lower your spouse’s attraction towards you.

Just keep in mind that changed behavior is the best apology.

So for the most part, verbal apology will work against you because of the expectation for instant results.

Stay away from arguments, approval seeking behaviors and focus on building your self during this period.

(7) You Allow Disrespect

If there are any type of disrespect and/or disregard from your spouse during your separation, ask yourself first,

“How did I put myself in that position?”

“How did I allow that”?

You need to take the time to extract the answer to that question as it will help with clarity as you move into the new phase of your marriage.

The bottom-line and the result of this exercise should be that no one should be taking anyone for granted again.

When you take yourself for granted, your spouse will see it as a permission to take you for granted if they are weak like most people.

(8) Never Bribe for Sex

Don’t manipulate with whatever you do for your spouse, children and family at this time as a bribe for sex.

It will work against your desire.

Do it if you find it honorable to do and you don’t have to if you don’t feel like it.

The worst thing you can do is do it and then blame them for not reciprocating.

(9) Work on Yourself

That should be self explanatory.

Use the marriage separation period to build yourself and attract the love and affection that you deserve.

It’s simple but I agree…

It’s easier said than done.

Below is a question for us to address with this lesson…

“ I really enjoy your content on IG: @LOLAandOLA and I need to ask you a question.

In April 2017, my wife said she wanted space for 2 weeks because we were not in a good place and she was distracted by an affair at the time.

Initially, I objected and wanted us to get a fresh new start.

She did not return and recently found out she is in a full blown now having sexually intimate moments with her partner on the same bed as my 6 years old daughter who told me she’s uncomfortable.

As a christian, am I totally free without guilt to remarry even though we are not officially divorced.

I’m not going to crawl and beg her.

I did all I could to fight and save the marriage. But it’s clearly not working out.

She finds joy in disrespecting me and talking to me anyhow, rudely and distastefully.

Mind you, I am financially okay and earn 8-figures per annum.

I still give her monthly up-keep, 120K per month, for my daughters, excluding fees, clothing… until 2019 January when I stopped for many reasons.”

Enjoy the video.

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“MY UNFAITHFUL WIFE ⁉️” ❤️ Get My Marriage Back 14

📌 Author's Note from Lola & Ola:
If you are reading this right now, we know the heartbreak of watching the desire, intimacy, and warmth fade out of your relationship. We survived our own marriage completely dying at the 9-year mark and rebuilt a 20+ year roadmap from it. Before you dive into the details below, grab our complete book Get My Marriage Back for FREE right now so you have an immediate, step-by-step action plan to turn things around.

QUESTION ⁉️ “I caught my wife twice being unfaithful.

I asked her how come she is like this. She said because I don’t give her attention.

So I said, when I don’t give you the attention you need, I should worry about you flirting with other men behind my back?

Now she feels insulted because I don’t trust her.”

Saving your marriage after infidelity and lies is absolutely possible; not easy but simple. It takes a high level of personal emotional intelligence and strength.

The fact that it is not easy is what makes it extremely rewarding as you will discover in this video.

ENJOY THE VIDEO.

How To Save Marriage After Infidelity And Lies

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“CHEATING SAVES MARRIAGES?” ❤️ Get My Marriage Back 11

📌 Author's Note from Lola & Ola:
If you are reading this right now, we know the heartbreak of watching the desire, intimacy, and warmth fade out of your relationship. We survived our own marriage completely dying at the 9-year mark and rebuilt a 20+ year roadmap from it. Before you dive into the details below, grab our complete book Get My Marriage Back for FREE right now so you have an immediate, step-by-step action plan to turn things around.

Not exactly but you will discover in this video how all things work together for higher and diving purposes; twisted and weird but with God nothing is impossible.

The ultimate goal when saving your marriage after all is happiness… Here is the question…

QUESTION ⁉️ “Hi. My husband and I have been together for 5 years. During the summer, I was shocked to know that she was getting to know another girl.

His excuse was that the were just friends and nothing happened between them. Whenever touched his phone, he’d go crazy trying to take it away.

He even stood up for the girl and refused to end the so-called friendship with her. I dumped him for 3 days

He tried to reach out .I tried to forgive what he did. When we got back together, he started acting distant; not even holding hands.

Whenever I tried to call it quits, he’d beg me to return. After 5 months of being neglected by him trying everything I could to get his attention back, he finally came back to his senses.

So we got back together, but then I started feeling choked, didn’t want the relationships, went into depression and broke up with him.

I didn’t feel the need to talk to him although I always asked my sister about him because they are friends.

On New Year’s Eve, I got jealous because I saw his picture with some other girls. We got back together but since then, I keep on giving excuses to just get away from him although I truly love him.

I keep on thinking that I should leave him,I just be with someone else but I don’t want that. I’ve been suffering from an eating disorder because of this situation and I don’t know how to fix it.

It’s like one day I‘m fine and happy with him but other days I’m afraid I’m going to lose him because of these thoughts.”

ENJOY THE VIDEO.

How Cheating Can Save Your Marriage

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