In this lesson, we are about to dive in through the story of a 28 years old guy
who is married to a 33 years old with a brand new baby and the blue balls syndrome.
Let’s call him Felix.
He writes…
“My wife and I have been together for about 6 years, married for 2 and we have an almost 1 year old child.
My wife has had a reasonably exciting sexual past, and one thing that really stood out to me…
when we first started dating was how in control and proud of her sexuality she was.
She was always full of confidence, dressed to impress and was unapologetic about going after anything she wanted, whether that was sexually or just for fun.”
Before I continue into this story, let me introduce myself.
My name is LOLA and I am the co-author of the book
GET MY MARRIAGE BACK
…with my husband OLA
…which you can download for free at:
You will also see an opportunity to book a free 30 minutes coaching session with us.
My name is OLA.
So Felix continues to write…
“Due to our work, we sometimes spend significant periods of time apart.
But the time apart was filled with dirty messages, photos and videos, and exploring fantasies, toys, lingerie and bondage ideas.
I would send her over sex toys to use and she would send videos back (she couldn’t buy toys where she was).
After a while (about 3 years ago), it didn’t just drop off, it stopped completely.”
So here goes the first reason…
Reason #5 – All Good Things Comes To An End
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I know that may sound scary and discouraging when it comes to the prospect of marriage for young men.
But what are we referring to as the “thing” here? That will be greatly dependent on how much of a man you are.
I want to assure you that it is a good thing when you are aware that good sexual explosive phases as a thing do come to end.
It’s how we are able to separate a good phase from a bad phase so that we can appreciate either of the phases better.
And do everything within our power to consistently seduce our wives.
You have a choice to decide if this particular good sexual explosive phase is coming to an end permanently or temporarily.
Let’s continue to read…
He continues…
“We married almost 2 years ago, and the only decent period of somewhat routine sex since then was when we were trying to have a child.
Suddenly I was the bad guy when I wasn’t available on a particular evening because that’s when we were most likely to conceive,
completely ignoring the 12 months prior of me desperately trying to initiate some kind of intimacy.
Priorities and our lives in general have changed a great deal since then, with our beautiful baby now the centre of our lives.
However, I’ve felt more and more like I’m just a passenger along for this ride with my wife and kid.”
Reason #4 – Playing Victim vs Engaging Power
Keep in mind as always that this is not a “right or wrong” thing.
It is not a joke but it is a game where you have to learn that playing the victim and retaining your power cannot co-exist.
You have your lady who is also nurturing your own brand new baby, and somehow you are a victim?
It’s not sounding right… right?
Your wife can feel that energy and it will only turn her off even more without her deliberately doing that.
I want you to become self aware and clear about that while responding to this crisis.
Let’s continue to read…
He continues…
“We haven’t had sex properly in over 18 months.
My wife occasionally makes snide remarks at me, when after periods of trying to initiate some kind of intimacy,
I give up and stay up later to have some ‘time to myself.’
She makes me feel like a creep in my own house and I just feel like shit, and my anxiety starts to tick up.”
Reason #3 – Giving Up
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By your own words, you give up while attempting to initiate sex.
You can at least agree that there is nothing sexy about giving up and more especially the vibes and energy that accompanies that right?
Instead of giving up and continuing to play the victim,
I want you to leverage this moment of your life and marriage to engage your personal life mission and purpose first.
This may be something about your ambitions, career or some charity work that makes you feel fulfilled as a person.
It will leave you little to no room to keep feeling sorry for yourself while you are simultaneously giving your relationship some breathing room.
Now I want you to keep initiating sex but by practicing 3 steps forward and 2 steps backward.
There is nothing sexier than a man whose wife feels safe enough to say “not today babe” while still trusting that he will be confident enough to initiate at some point.
That will even leave her some sense of obligation at the back of her mind and she may initiate before the next time you initiate.
If she doesn’t, you’ve decided to make that a non-big deal (engaging and retaining your masculine core and power) and try later.
She will naturally overcompensate for your patience later in the form of hot sex when she is ready to receive you back to back.
In this next lesson, I will reveal how this works in detail…
So be sure to like and subscribe for your best chances of getting notified when that video goes live.
Let’s continue to read…
He continues…
“We’ve tried to slowly reinitiate things, particularly when I’m away for work.
We’ve tried to send a few exciting spontaneous messages here and there.
We’ve started using an app where you essentially ‘match’ fetishes or sexual ideas with your partner
(i.e. only notified if they like the same thing as you, it’s pretty cool.)
At one point, she even bought a new toy while I was away,
and kind of awkwardly apologized that it was a toy just for her and wouldn’t really be all that fun to use together.
I was stoked and said she never needs to apologise for that! I thought this might’ve been the catalyst we needed.
Fast forward the entire 2 months we were apart, and she hadn’t used it once.“
Reason #2 – “We” Don’t Seduce
There is so much “we” this and “we” that and it leaves me to wonder,
who is the seducer in this equation if what you want is more sex?
If you compete in feminine energy with your lady, it kills sexual polarity.
What you are suffering from is partly low libido due to childbirth causing lower attraction in your marriage which is temporary.
This is not abnormal; we’ve been through the same thing.
It’s a process to get out of the limbo but it can be a faster process when you engage your seduction power which starts way before the bedroom.
Seduce more, initiate less and watch better sex come back into your marriage.
Let’s continue to read…
He continues…
“Occasionally we eventually have a really difficult but healthy conversation about our sex life,
and we walk away feeling great for it…but nothing really changes.
For the past 12 months or so, we go through a bit of a regular cycle.
I try to initiate things at a pretty low level to rekindle a bit of excitement.
It gets shot down over a period of 2-3 weeks, and my anxiety slowly escalates.
I ruminate on the past fortnight, and the past 2 years and get frustrated.
My mood dives, my wife asks what’s wrong, we have a bit of a chat (about all the same old things),
have a bit of intimacy (although, not sex)
And I feel like she walks away relieved that she’s hit “reset”
and can now hopefully go another 2 or 3 weeks without needing to be intimate with me.
Reason #1 – You Talk Her Out Of Wanting Sex
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As you’ve probably realized, the more you talk about this, the less sex you are having.
By now, you are just predictable; the mood patterns and swings are probably predictable AF.
Talking so much in the name of conversations in an attempt to increase intimacy is feminine energy.
When she’s asking you what’s wrong, she wasn’t faking it.
It’s a way for her to protect your household when it seems like you are falling apart as the masculine core in the relationship.
While that’s very nice of her, it’s killing sexual polarity even further.
So that’s not where you want your lady.
You want her to be able to count on you even in the midst of this crisis
and that’s part of the process of seducing her back into crazy intimate sessions.
Rejection breeds obsession so you are not abnormal but this is how to rise above the norm
as opposed to using blame, guilt, condemnation and judgment to make matters worse.
To learn even more about rebuilding sexual attraction back into your marriage, check out the featured video on the screen.